Disclaimer: I own nothing here except for Leesha. Everything else belongs to their respective owners.
So my friend A. got me addicted to The Vampire Diaries. And although part of me hates her for it, the rest of me is extremely thankful because I never would have watched it if she hadn't gotten me curious. Thanks A. Anyway, the bunny for this one came out of a discussion A. and I had one day about how Damon needed a friend that he could talk girls with. Random, but that's us. When I rewatched Fool Me Once and A Few Good Men and wanted someone to snuggle Damon a few days later, Alicia "Leesha" Macdonald was born.
Shout out to the wonderful PurpleStrawberryDreams for putting up with my insanity over this story and letting me bounce ideas off of her.
Damon knocked back a shot of whiskey, then another. It took a lot to get to get a vampire drunk, but he was well on his way. Katherine hadn't been in the tomb. She had known that he had been waiting for her for the last 150 years, and she hadn't cared. Nothing, not even someone sitting on the stool next to him, could distract him from his mission to get royally wasted. At least not until they said something.
"You look like shit, Salvatore," a familiar voice said.
He glanced up blearily. "Leesha?" he slurred. "Alicia Macdonald?"
"Hey Damon." She studied him, frowning gently. "What the hell happened to you?" she asked, dark eyes worried.
He laughed bitterly and threw back yet another shot. What was this, twenty-six, twenty-nine? He'd lost count. "Katherine happened," he said. "Lying bitch."
"That doesn't sound good," she said before standing up. "Come on, I'll take you home."
Damon whined, but allowed her to help him out of the Grille and into her red Mazda. She had never let anything hurt him in the ten years that she'd known him, not even himself.
"There's clean clothes on the bed Damon, now get showered and I'll make you coffee," Leesha said over her shoulder as she moved down the steps. She ran a hand through her wavy black hair and tried to find the kitchen. Damon was more drunk than she had ever seen him, even that time when he had shown up at her apartment in Atlanta two years ago. But the process was still the same: get him into the shower, as hot as it went, and leave him there; make sure clean clothes are on the bed (black, they had to be black); and make him coffee strong enough to be mistaken for motor oil. Simple.
At least until someone distracted her.
"What are you doing?" an unfamiliar voice asked. Leesha jumped, spinning around to see a young man looking at her curiously. Tall, dark eyes, light brown hair...normal looking, if you discounted the fact that he was a vampire. This must be the younger brother that didn't feed on humans. God knew how much Damon made fun of him for that.
"I hate it when they do that," she muttered. "You must be Stefan."
"How do you know my name?" he asked, tensing. Leesha smiled and turned back to the counter.
"You need to relax," she said, putting some more coffee into the filter. "Do you want some coffee?"
"No, I'm good. Thank you." Stefan sat down at the table. "Who are you?"
"I'm Leesha," she said. "Excuse me for a second. I need to make sure your brother is actually doing what I told him to."
She sailed out of the kitchen and up the steps. "You'd better be in that shower Damon," she called.
"Vai a farti fottere," he called back.
"Oh, not on your life, honey," she said cheerfully as she opened the bathroom door.
"Annoying human," he muttered.
"The annoying human is the one making you coffee, idiot vampire," she corrected.
"Don't remind me," he groaned with a sound like he'd thumped his head against the shower wall.
"Five minutes," Leesha warned. "And your brother's here."
"Fuck," he moaned. "That's perfect. Saint Stefan means that Elena will be making an appearance soon enough."
"I'll worry about that, you get cleaned up and dressed," she snapped before her voice softened slightly. "Is the hangover making its appearance yet?"
"Starting to," he mumbled.
"Then finish up," she said. "I'll be downstairs."
Leesha barely noticed the the girl in the kitchen as she made a beeline to the coffee machine, poured herself a cup, and liberally added milk. She felt the tension begin to ease out of her body with her first sip of caffeine. "God, I needed that," she groaned, eyes closed.
"Are you alright?" a voice asked behind her.
"I always forget how much I hate long car trips without coffee," she said without turning around, taking another sip. "I'm Leesha."
"Elena."
Leesha smiled. "Nice to meet you, Elena," she said, pouring a cup for Damon. Three, two, and...she smiled as she heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. Yep, she still had it.
"God, I love you," Damon said as he took the cup she held out to him and took a greedy sip.
"È solo a me l'amore per il mio caffè," she laughed, turning around to lean against the counter, and blinked at the girl she had been talking to. "Is that-" (You only love me for my coffee.)
"Spitting image of the bitch, but no," Damon interrupted. Leesha nodded and settled back against the counter. She had trusted Damon not to lie to her since she'd met him; she saw no reason to change that now. "And I do not." Leesha hmmed disbelievingly but let it go.
"What are you doing in Mystic Falls?" Elena asked curiously.
"I stupidly chose to drive instead of fly to New York, and guess who I saw nearly passed out at the bar when I stopped for dinner?" Leesha said, scowling at Damon. "What the hell possessed you to do that? Nearly ten years, and I've never seen you that bad."
"I don't want to talk about it," Damon muttered into his coffee.
Leesha studied him and sighed. This once, she'd drop it. But just this once. "Alright," she said before changing the subject and asking, "Where'd Stefan get to?"
"He had to go hunting," Elena said, making Damon snort at some private joke.
"Damon, shut up and drink your coffee," Leesha said.
"Bossy human," he muttered.
"Stupid vampire," she shot back.
"Annoying girl."
"Stubborn idiot." Leesha gave him a sunny smile, practically daring him to try contradicting her.
"...damn."
"Gotcha," she smirked, ignoring his pout when she leaned forward to ruffle his hair.
"I hate you," he mumbled into his coffee.
"I thought you loved me?"
"Changed my mind," he pouted before grinning as she refilled his cup. "You are the best." Leesha smiled fondly and shook her head. She had forgotten just how easily his moods could change when he was like this.
"Hello, Stefan," Damon said suddenly, smirking as his brother appeared in the doorway.
"Damon," he said before smiling and moving towards Elena, making Leesha raise an eyebrow as the vampire kissed her on the cheek. She looked at Damon questioningly, head motioning slightly to the pair at the end of table. He shrugged and held out his mug for another refill.
"You won't be able to sleep if you keep downing coffee like there's no tomorrow," Leesha said as she took the mug. "And don't give me that 'I'm a vampire, I don't need to sleep because I'm a vampire' Twilight crap. What I wouldn't give to have that woman in front of me..."
"I'd help," he muttered, greedily drinking the coffee.
"I know you would," she said. "Enjoy that cup; it's your last one."
"But Leesha..." he whined.
"No," she said firmly. "That's your third cup of sober-up. More than that gets you wired, remember? I do not want to be chasing a hyper vampire all over this house because you have too much caffeine in you to go to sleep. It's counter-productive, makes me want to stake you, you don't get coffee in the morning...See where I'm going with this?"
"You're so mean," he grumbled, but began to nurse his coffee instead of gulping it down like the first two.
"And you're still drunk," she said, turning around to get another cup for herself. "Your point?" He scowled at her back and mumbled something too low for her to hear clearly. Leesha smirked but didn't turn around. "Insult me all you want Damon, it doesn't change the fact that we both know how you react to my coffee or that I will cut you off if you ignore it." She turned back around and smiled sweetly at him. Almost as an afterthought, she added, "Ass."
He smiled back, an exasperated and almost fond expression on his face. "Bossy brat."
"And don't you forget it," she told him mock-seriously before grinning. "You sober enough for a hug?" He considered the idea for a moment, stifling laughter at the poleaxed expressions on Stefan and Elena's faces. He pointedly glanced in their direction and Leesha nodded in realization. "Right." She pulled out a chair and sat across from him. "So what've you been up to?"
"Oh, you know, the usual," he drawled. "Annoying Stefan, killing people..."
"Damon!"
"What?" he asked. "I was bored!"
"And you couldn't come to Atlanta?" Leesha asked. "It's been over a year."
"We were near Atlanta in December," Elena said quietly, flinching back at Damon's glare.
"You had what's-his-name to focus on," Damon said hastily in response to Leesha's hurt expression. "I didn't want to intrude."
She laughed slightly. "Liar, you love to intrude. And Michael hasn't been around since August." She frowned, hands tightening around the mug.
"Do I need to kill him?" he asked.
"No," she said quickly. "I'm just getting sick of mia fortuna in relationships. First Izzy, then the vampire bitch who wanted to drain me dry, then Sam, and Paul, and Gwen, and now Michael..." She shook her head. "I sure can pick them, can't I?" (my luck)
Damon cleared his throat slightly and raised an eyebrow at her. She pointed at him. "Oh no. Nonononono. We are not going there," she said. "Katherine blows everything I have out of the water without even trying. Which is so cheating."
"You know about Katherine?" Stefan asked, clearly surprised.
"That's why you were surprised to see me," Elena whispered.
Leesha nodded. "Yeah. Speaking of which..." She turned back to Damon. "Did your crazy plan to use Emily's crystal to open the tomb actually work?"
He looked insulted. "My plans always work!" he said, ignoring the 'crazy' comment.
"Uh-huh," she said. "And that's why Gwen slapped you the last time you came to see me."
"How was I supposed to know that you two were together?" he demanded.
"Her living with me should have been a good clue, just like me asking you not to flirt," Leesha snapped. "And stop avoiding the question."
"Didn't Bonnie destroy the crystal?" Elena asked.
"Someone destroyed the crystal?" Leesha asked incredulously. "Oh yes, that's brilliant planning, Damon."
"Wasn't my fault," he muttered. "Emily...surprised me."
"What happened to 'planning for every possible alternative?'" she asked, clearly quoting something.
"I didn't expect a hundred-year-dead witch to involve herself," Damon said. "It's a bit outside the realm of probability."
"Damon. You're 168 years old and a vampire. By all logica, you should be dust in a grave somewhere," Leesha said, mouth twitching with humor before she became serious again. "You didn't expect something to go wrong?" (logic)
Damon scowled at her. "No Leesha. After 145 years as a vampire, I expected everything to be sunshine and roses, and for Katherine to actually be in that fucking tomb so that we could ride off into the sunset when I opened it. Oh wait!"
"Va tutto bene?"she asked before wincing. "Sorry, that was a stupid question." (Are you alright?)
"Yes it was," Damon snapped, standing quickly and pacing. Leesha ignored the couple at the end of the table except to switch to Italian, focusing on Damon as she stood in his way.
"Damon, se Katherine libera per 145 anni e non sono stato con voi, lei la donna pistupida del pianeta." She growled as he brushed past her and grabbed his arm. "Guarda me. Guarda me, Damon,"she ordered. In a gentler voice, without losing eye contact, she said, "Tu sei troppo buono per lei. Non sprecate il vostro tempo." (Damon, if Katherine's been free for 145 years and not been with you, she's the stupidest woman on the planet. Look at me. Look at me, Damon. You're too good for her. Don't waste your time.)