"We think we've found the candidate."

"... Nope. Not good enough."

"What do you mean?"

"You've got much of the requirements. Good tactics, good work ethic… but look at this psychiatric test! It won't do."

"So… back to the drawing board."

"Indeed."

"Not only do you want a dude with an impeccable service record, you also want him to have strategic genius, charisma, leadership, and all these other buzzwords you'd see on job applications. Plus he or she has to wrangle the attention of a volatile group of anthropomorphized ships to save the world from a mysterious and alien force which seeks nothing but destruction of this planet. And of course, have perfect mental health. I don't believe for a second that this hypothetical person exists outside of fiction."

"Yes, that's precisely what we've hired you to do."

"Does my contract have medical coverage? I think this aneurysm of mine is about to burst."

"I have a bottle of Tylenol."

"I hate this job."

"From the depths of the entire committee's hearts, we thank you for your sacrifice."

"In any case, have his file. I don't give a damn what you do with it."

"You know… this is actually quite promising. It isn't everything that we're looking for… but we can make do until we find the guy."

"..."

"..."

"God, do you remember when we didn't have to deal with shit like aliens and talking ships? I'm so done."

—

On a bright Thursday, where the sun was at the perfect angle to glare into everyone's eyes and be a general nuisance, a young man hopped out of his ride bearing his clothes, personal effects, and a name. His name would soon not matter, because absolutely nobody would use it for the near future.

The commander squinted to try to see through the unpleasant glare that reflected off of all the buildings. He winced at the bright light; the ride hadn't been smooth and he felt quite nauseous and felt the beginning pains of a migraine. A fountain with an anchor was splashing clear water in a gentle stream, creating a pleasant ambient sound of water flowing. Some water got on his trousers from walking too close, and he cursed. Thankfully, no one was around, so he continued to drag his suitcase by himself to where he assumed the commander's office was. The entire place was eerily empty, it seemed. But that was just fine. Nursing a headache and a wet pant leg, he dragged his stuff in, and was ready to sleep on any kind of furniture with a flat surface. He spied a sofa, and cheering internally, collapsed into it.

But there was an open window letting light right onto his face. He muttered, "Damn, if only the window blinds were closed…"

And as it was said, it was done. The blinds were closed.

The commander shot his eyes way open, despite his persistent migraine. And his vision focused on a figure. A figure with a maid outfit.

The maid curtseyed. "Who may you be, stranger, who walks into an officer's quarters uninvited?" The smile on her face was polite but screamed nothing but imminent danger.

Between the feelings of shock of sudden company and a death threat, the commander felt that there was no better option than to jump up and yowl.

—

"Ah. So you're to be our new commander?"

The commander nodded, and tried to smile, but came out more of a grimace thanks to his migraine.

The maid thought. "Then are you aware of the current situation at hand?"

The commander scratched the back of his head. "I, uh, received the basics from the higher ups, but I'm afraid I don't have any specifics. Something about Sirens, strategy, and anthropomorphized ship girls. They said I'd get all the information I needed here."

The maid smirked. "Very good. I am Belfast. It's a pleasure to serve you."

"Likewise Bel —" he said, accepting her proffered handshake, "wait, what?"

—

After driving Belfast away, the commander sighed on his couch. That headache of his still pounded away within his skull, and thinking about this entire mess made it only pulse even more. When he'd heard of anthropomorphized ship girls, he wasn't sure what to expect. Maybe talking ships. Augmented androids of steel, bearing little resemblance to mankind save for the general bipedal figure. Not this.

He found the entire experience to be confusing enough so that he fell asleep within minutes of closing his eyes.

— — —

When he woke up, the sky turned dark, his clothes were a mess, and there was someone else sharing the couch. Rather, directly on top of him.

The commander opened his eyes to see a girl nuzzling on his chest, sharing body heat. The initial reaction was to first jump out and maintain plausible deniability. But she, too, also roused from her slumber and rubbed her eyes.

He tried his best to keep his wits about him. "And who are you?"

Unfortunately, she did little to solve his current predicament. Rather, she decided to further curl and bury herself in the little crook between his torso and the back of the couch. "Waaaarm…"

It was only when he managed to pull slide away and pat out any rumples on his uniform did she sit up and rub her eyes in mild annoyance.

So it was like this Belfast walked into the room. The commander, standing, unsure whether to run or not, and the rabbit girl, pouting as her heat source moved away from the comfy couch. At least his headache had finally subsided.

Belfast had the same wry smile that she always wore. "Good morning, Commander. I see you've already been acquainted with Laffey here."

The commander cast his field of view back to Laffey. "Oh. Oh. Of course you'd be Laffey."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Laffey asked, her frown deepening. "Does that mean he doesn't like me?"

"Don't worry about it, Laffey. The commander seems to have a difficult time adjusting to his stay here." Belfast began to open all the blinds, showing the bright blue sky and shimmering emerald sea outside. Both the commander and Laffey shrunk back from the light, hissing from the sudden change.

"Anyhow," Belfast began, composed as always. "I have you scheduled for breakfast in a few minutes, and then a formal assembly of everyone here. For introductions, and such."

The commander froze at the news. "In front of everyone?"

—

Breakfast was a mentally taxing affair. It was already quite late, so the entire canteen was quite devoid of people. Belfast had her own duties to attend to, so it was just him and Laffey at a single table. He stared at his plate of cut fruit, waffles, and syrup. He'd normally be famished, but none of it seemed to be particularly appetizing today. Laffey, on the other hand, was guzzling down twice of his portion and seemed to have no intention of slowing down. He had finished perhaps one half of a waffle and several pieces of cantaloupe when she was coolly finishing her meal with a bottle of cola.

Laffey noticed his sudden onset of fasting when she was completely finished and the commander seemed to be trying to devour his meal through his eyes alone. As if the glorious sight could make up for his closed mouth. "Is Commander not hungry?"

He could only put on a resigned smile. "Well, to tell you the truth, Laffey, my stomach has been churning for the past couple minutes. I can't deal with crowds at all."

"Laffey thinks that Commander should be good with people," she said, thinking.

"If only. You know what they say… public speaking is the number one fear in the world. Followed by death. I'm not sure where taxes fit into that equation…"

"Laffey thinks that you should just try to be yourself." The commander stopped with frantically thinking of possible scenarios and looked up to Laffey. She had a reassuring smile which put some of his frayed nerves at ease. "And Laffey thinks that everything will be alright."

The commander carefully mulled over her words. Laffey had a point. Despite being a narcoleptic who had no sense of personal space and guzzled too much cola, she believed in him. Despite not knowing any of his commanding capability. It comforted him. Not everyone was out to get him and judge him based on every single miniscule error. But when he opened his mouth to say thanks, he saw Laffey fast asleep on the tabletop, barely hanging on to her empty glass bottle. Amused, he finished his breakfast in peace and mentally prepared himself for the big meeting to come.