Chapter 33

School was going by surprisingly fast, we'd still went about our new routine, making sure that either Emmett or myself was there to escort Bella to her classes. The threat of Edward making an appearance was still imminent, but by the time lunch rolled around everyone had relaxed just a bit. Bella and I had joined my family at our usual table and this time Alice was able to join us.

"Seen anything?" Emmett asked her as Bella and I took our seats.

"Nothing." She answered with a sigh, her small anxious fingers drummed on the table.

"Bummer." He shook his head.

"If you ever ran off like that, I'd strangle you to death." Rose told him - she wasn't kidding.

"I wouldn't babe, I promise." He went in for a kiss that turned into something a bit much for the cafeteria. Alice squirmed in her seat a bit, and I cleared my throat. The sting of embarrassment coated her, I knew it was bothering her that she couldn't see Edward or get a hold of him. His phone was either dead or powered off, it was going straight to voicemail. Alice and Edward had always been so solid, but now, she was starting to question everything - her gift, her husband, her marriage. I sent her a wave of my love, understanding, and reassurance and saw her lips hint at a small smile. She tried to shake it off and lighten up, probably for Bella's sake.

"So Bella, you're coming over after school?" She asked, slapping a smile on her face. Emmett's head shot straight to Bella and he grinned mischievously. I could already tell what he was thinking. I sighed. Thanks Alice.

"Uh, yeah, out to the cabin." Bella told her, looking to Emmett out of the corner of her eye a bit hesitantly.

"Sick! Is it game night?" He asked enthusiastically, giving her a look I couldn't quite decipher. I felt a wave of panic from her followed by guilt, nerves, worry and fear. I sent her a flicker of my curiosity, but she tried to ignore it.

"Not tonight Emmett." I said sharply. He didn't look at me, he kept his gaze on Bella. A bit of irritation started to bubble within me.

"Bella . . is it game night?" He repeated. She bit her lip and looked at me for a moment, studying my face, trying to decide something. I felt the intensity of her love as she looked into my eyes and it almost felt as if she loved me so much that it pained her, which caught me a bit off guard. She gave me a small sad smile that I could only wish I understood. Insecurity seeped from her as I felt her make a decision, she gave me an apologetic look before turning back to Emmett.

"Uh, yeah. I guess so." She said a bit dejectedly.

"Excellent, cheer up, it'll be fun!" Rose rolled her eyes, it annoyed her how easily he'd taken a liking to Bella, though she wasn't worried or jealous. She just didn't like the idea of a human hanging around. I for one was extremely confused by the exchange that had just occurred and I decided that I wasn't going to let Emmett bully Bella into whatever it was that he was trying to do. I'd been hoping to spend the evening just the two of us.

"Actually, I had something else planned for us. Bella, do you mind taking a rain check?" I shot Emmett an cocky look and he sighed and rolled his eyes, folding his arms in front of him - accepting his defeat.

"Well . . . If you already had something planned . . . Emmett do you mind?" Bella asked. Her nerves were extremely high for the conversation that was being had on the surface and I wondered again just what it was she wasn't telling me and what Emmett had to do with it. It almost felt like he was holding something over her head. I was going to tuck that away for later. I looked to Alice who raised her eyebrows and shrugged, seeming to be just as lost as I was.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do your thing." He said, turning his attention back to Rosalie. Bella relaxed just slightly as she picked at the food in front of her. I had her call her father to get permission to come over to my place after school and he'd accepted, she wouldn't be expected at home until 9:00pm.

Alice kept the conversation flowing, trying to make Bella feel comfortable and included. Something she'd had to work twice as hard at in order to balance out Rose's coldness. Alice asked Bella questions about herself and I learned almost more about her during that one lunch hour than I'd learned over the course of the week. It made me realize just how much more there was to find out and I felt a bit guilty that I hadn't taken the time to ask some of the things that Alice had. Bella and I had been moving so quickly and there had been so many outside factors that kept us from being able to take the time to really get to know one another. Just a few days ago she'd told me that she felt like her soul knew me but her mind did not and I knew exactly what she meant, I wanted our minds to catch up to our souls, but it was easier said than done. I just wished we could catch a break for long enough to let that happen.

"So what kind of music do you like?" Alice asked.

"Um, I don't know I just kind of listen to whatever. I like a lot of music."

"Well . . . what was the last thing you had in your CD player?"

"Oh, uh, it was a gift from my stepdad. A Lincoln Park CD - the new one." She answered a bit shyly.

"That's a good one, Edward has that CD! Okay . . . how about . . . favorite food?"

"Um, I love lasagna . . . and ravioli - mushroom ravioli . . . pizza . . . pretty much anything Italian. Oh! But then there's burgers . . . and fried chicken . . . I don't know, there's too many good choices." She let out a chuckle.

" Hmm okay . . . favorite vacation?" Alice continued.

"Uh, well, I always loved the Grand Canyon."

"Isn't that pretty close to Phoenix?" Alice asked making a confused face, probably expecting Bella to pick the beach or something more traditional. Paris was her favorite place to travel for instance.

"Maybe for a vampire . . . but it's still about a four hour drive."

"Okay . . . favorite book?" Alice continued with her questions until the bell rang and I listened intently, thinking of a few of my own for later.

The rest of the school day went on without consequence. There had been no sign of Edward - in Alice's visions or in the physical sense, but we were all still a bit on edge. Alice rode home with Emmett and Rose because I'd wanted to stop at the store on the way home.

"Don't you still have the groceries from when Esme went shopping? I can throw something together for myself to eat, you don't have to worry about me." Bella asked as I made the short drive over to the grocery store.

"Don't you worry about a thing, tonight . . . dinner is in my hands, but I will let you choose another movie." I told her with a grin.

"Hmm . . . what's Emmett's number? Maybe I should text him for another recommendation." She chuckled, but then after a moment her face straightened up and she began to feel a bit uneasy. I tried to lighten to mood a bit.

"If you want to annoy me, just put on any kind of musical, you don't' need Emmett's suggestions."

"Well . . . you're kinda taking away all of the fun out of trying to annoy you by telling me exactly how to do it. Unless . . . maybe you actually love musicals and you're trying to use reverse psychology." She raised her eyebrow and grinned.

"Bella, please look me in the eye. Do I look like I like musicals? Is there anything about me that would lead you to believe that I would enjoy constant singing for an hour and a half?" I asked with a serious expression.

"Hmm . . . I guess I just can't be sure." We both laughed as I pulled into the parking lot of the Thriftway. We zigged and zagged through the isles fairly quickly as I gathered what I needed to make her the perfect diner style burger and fries. She carefully eyed my selections with intrigue, but didn't say much through the process of shopping and checking out until the groceries were loaded into the back of the truck.

"I can't believe you just spent 42.96 on groceries for one meal. That would feed Charlie and I for a week." She pulled her door shut as I started the was very Bella, I should have anticipated her aversion to having money spent on her.

"It will be worth it, I promise. Plus, I told you dinner is my responsibility tonight, you just worry about your task and start thinking of what you want to watch."

"I'll have to look through the cabinet again, we don't all have a photographic memory buddy." She teased.

"Well between everyone in my family . . . there's probably a copy of any movie you could ever want to watch somewhere on the property. So if you think of something I don't have, I can always ask Alice to see if we have it."

"Hmm, that just seems even more daunting - too many options. I'm more liable to just grab the first one I see when we get there." She sighed and stared out the window.

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind. That tells me a lot about you actually." She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked with a bit of an edge.

"Normally I'd say that it tells me you're easy going. You go for the simple option because you're not too picky, but I think there's more. That the reason you're probably not too picky is because you don't feel you have the right to be. Because maybe no one's ever made you feel like your opinion, or what you want matters." I wanted to tell her that it wasn't true, that she deserved to be heard, she deserved to get what she wanted, but she was starting to feel sort of pissed which threw me off.

"Well I'm glad you seem to have me all figured out." She said a bit sarcastically.

"Look Bella, did I do something wrong?" I just wished desperately that I knew what I could say or do to help her open up to me.

"No . . . I'm sorry." I could tell that she was, but she was still feeling conflicted.

"It's okay Bella." I reached for her hand and held it the rest of the drive out to the cabin. The truck was silent except for the faint sound of the radio playing on low and the hum of the engine.

When we got to the cabin I unloaded the groceries while Bella looked through the movies. She quickly found something suitable and came to watch me prep everything for dinner, which we'd decided to do after the movie.

"So I take it we're having burgers? Well . . . I'm having a burger? Like you used to make at the diner?"

"Exactly like that. What movie did you choose?" I felt her amusement.

"Interview with the Vampire." She said grinning as she held it up to show me.

"Very funny." I rolled my eyes. "I guess it's better than Mean Girls. Are you familiar with the story?" I asked.

"Uh, no, not really. I mean - I read the thing on the back of the DVD case." I let out a chuckle. Interview with the vampire was actually very fitting. It's about a man who chose to become vampire but grows to resent his maker who has little regard for human life. He even lives off of the blood of animals for a while to try an avoid the guilt of killing humans. Though the vampires in Anne Rice's world were very different from the real thing, there was still a lot that one could learn from the moral of the story: being damned sometimes isn't all it's cracked up to be. Bella had several questions during the film and she seemed to enjoy pointing out the differences between the movie and the real thing.

"Why is Louis rebelling? He chose to become a vampire. Lestat gave him a choice." She let out a frustrated huff of air as we watched Louis set his plantation on fire.

"Because he couldn't have possibly known what he was signing up for when he said yes."

"It can't be that bad . . ." She said looking to me out of the corner of her eye.

"Trust me, it can be. I've felt what he's feeling - the guilt. Though I'm glad I don't have to drink rats and poodles to avoid killing humans . . . I too resent my maker. She was drunk with power and very manipulative, much like Lestat - she had no humanity left." Images of Maria's sinister red eyes flashed through my mind and I instantly regretted mentioning her, hoping Bella wouldn't ask more about her. Luckily, she seemed preoccupied.

"Do you think if someone like Carlisle had changed you, that maybe you'd have been less resentful? If you'd have been given a choice like Louis?"

"In theory, yes." Bella's heart rate began to increase and her emotions began to jumble and swirl. I took a deep breath before pausing the movie and turning to face her. "Okay, what is it? You've been feeling this way on and off since yesterday, especially after your dream. Bella, you can tell me anything . . ."

"It's nothing . . ." She looked away. A wave of irritation washed over me.

"Should I ask Emmett?" I asked a bit harshly. She drew in a sharp intake of air and I felt her guilt. I instantly regretted raising my voice and sent her a flicker of my remorse. "Please Bella . . . I don't care what it is, I don't care that you talked to Emmett, I just wish you wouldn't hide things from me. I love you." I reached for her hand and she looked down and watched as it clasped with mine, I could feel her adrenaline increasing as she tried to work up the courage to tell me what it was that had her so upset.

"Did you mean it when you said that . . . Eternity wouldn't be long enough with me?"She asked with a shaky voice. Her question suddenly made everything click and I realized what had been bothering her. I felt like such a stubborn idiot, my hopes began to swell.

"Absolutely."I brought her hand to my lips. A big goofy smile spread across my face as I waited for Bella to ask the one question I'd been dying to hear her ask. I let her feel my love and she took a deep breath.

"Well , what if I wanted to be like . . . you?"