I Owe You An Apology
Rating: PG
Setting: In between I Yensch, You Yensch and Into the Lions Den: Lambs to the Slaughter. A missing scene between Crais and Jool.
Disclaimer: Farscape still doesn't belong to me. Henson, Hallmark, Channel 9, et al still own the rights. I'm merely borrowing the characters to have some fun and promise to return them unharmed.
A/N: Normally, I would be thanking my lovely beta, but well, my muses have been very silent since I issued the challenge and only gave me this story on Saturday. So, all mistakes are 100 mine.
Chapter 1
Jool was in the center chamber, fuming over what Talyn had done to the Med Ship. She felt betrayed that Crais had allowed the gunship to destroyed it. When she and Crais had worked together on the Boolite, she had begun to feel that he was finally someone onboard Moya who might be her intellectual equal. He might have been a Peacekeeper, but he was more intelligent than any she had encountered or heard of. Peacekeepers were supposed to be militaristic barbarians.
John and Aeryn had just returned from shutting the gunship down and had come to the center chamber. They were speaking in a conversational tone about what they had just witnessed. She couldn't help overhearing what it had been like. They were both still shocked at how emotional Crais had been. She had a hard time fathoming that a Peace—former Peacekeeper could be so attached to something non-Sebacean.
Aeryn expressed concern for Crais's well-being, and John was surprisingly supportive. From what she knew about how John felt about Crais, this sort of sympathy was the last thing she had expected.
Could she have been wrong when she had blamed Crais for the destruction of the Med Ship?
Deciding she needed to find out for herself, she started searching for him. After half an arn, she still had not located him. Knowing that Moya was very large and that there were many places he could be, she decided to ask Pilot. He told her that Crais could be found on the Terrace.
The door to the Terrace opened, and she found him staring across the chasm of space at the lifeless gunship. She stood just inside the door for quite some time, observing the man and the Leviathan that had become part of him. From the way he was standing, she could tell that he was grieving. To her, seeing him show a visible sign of weakness seemed uncharacteristic.
Finally, she stepped forward and said softly, "Bialar?"
He quickly spun around, surprised at being disturbed. "What do you want?" he asked sharply.
She could not blame him for his defensive attitude. After all, she had attacked him. The resolve that she had started her quest with was beginning to falter. "I, er…" She became more nervous under the glare he was giving her. Looking at her feet, she continued. "I'm sorry I blamed you." When he didn't immediately answer, she looked up and saw the suspicious expression on his face.
"I do not desire your pity." Turning his back on her, he returned his gaze to Talyn.
Without his eyes piercing into her soul, she could feel her resolve returning and stepped closer to him, almost next to him. "I—shouldn't have blamed you for what Talyn did to the Med Ship. I know now that he was not well, that you did not order him to fire." Another uncomfortable silence followed. She knew that part of him wanted to be alone, but she was sure there was another part, a part that he buried, that didn't. When she had first arrived on Moya, she had been an outsider and knew how painful being alone was. "Tell me about him?" she asked gently.
He looked at her, a softer expression on his face. "Why do you want to know about him?"
"I've heard Chiana and Rygel talking about him. He seems fascinating. That Peacekeeper and Leviathan technology could be blended so well is astounding."
He smiled sadly. "Perhaps that two were not blended so well. I believe that I gave him too much of myself, even before I transferred engrams."
"But he was changed when Xhalax tried to take control of him."
"Some, but there was so much of me in him originally that the changes were negligible."
"Do you think you can repair him?"
There were several microts of silence before he answered. "I don't know. I hope so. He deserves better than what I have given him."
"You did the best you could." She wanted to reach out for him, to comfort him, but she could tell from his body language that her touch would be unwelcome.
"I was too arrogant. I have learned much since that day I first joined with him."
She was pleased that he seemed to be opening up to her. For the next arn, she kept him talking, telling her about Talyn from the conception of the program to their return to Moya. She was not going to ask him to talk about shutting Talyn down. If he ever felt comfortable talking about that, she would be there for him.
"Would you like to get something to eat?" she asked.
He gave Talyn one last look. "I think that would be a good idea."
While they ate, she asked a question that had been bothering her for some time. "Why did you volunteer to infiltrate the Command Carrier and stop Scorpius?"
"Two reasons. The first is that I have seen first hand what wormholes can do, and I can only imagine the horror Scorpius could wreak with them. I do not believe he would be content using them solely against Scarrans. The second… I knew that Talyn was not well, that he needed help that only the resources of that Command Carrier could provide. I did not realize how far gone he was. I can only hope that I am not too late to help him."
She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. "You've done the best you could, and I'm sure you will continue to do what is best for him. If anyone can help him recover, you are the one to do it."
He sighed and smiled weakly. "While I appreciate your confidence in my abilities, it may be misplaced. What I did to shut him down… It is likely that he will be changed."
"For the better. You will make him more stable. While the others don't believe in you, I do."
"Thank you, Jool. Now, if you will excuse me. Since we will be leaving soon, I need to gather the information I will need to take with me to the Command Carrier."
As she watched him leave, she noticed that he was standing straighter than he had when she had found him on the Terrace. Finally, she had found a kindred spirit on Moya. Once Talyn was repaired, she would ask him if he wanted a traveling companion.