Only
«Cause my dreams are all blind
They take me back to our time
And make you be mine only»
Sunrise avenue: "Only", from «On the way to wonderland»
All dreams around you fading slowly
«So where's Trish?» Henry said angrily, pointing the gun at Jimmy. «She's not anywhere here, it seems like you're lying! What have you done to her? Where is she?!»
Sully had Jimmy at gunpoint too, and Abby was desperately trying to protect him, putting herself in front of him. «No, this is Jimmy», she pleaded, looking at Henry, staring straight into his furious, brown eyes.
«He couldn't do anything like this, you know him!» She focused on Henry, thinking that he'd be the most likely to shoot. She took a step towards him, reaching her hands out to him, and she could see his eyes soften, warming to her plea, and he lowered his gun.
BANG!
Her heart in her throat, panic rising, she saw the smoke from Sully's rifle, and she turned around seemingly in slow motion. Jimmy was already on the ground, blood coming through his clothes – his chest an open wound. His eyes – he was already gone! She gasped, throwing herself at his corpse, but strong arms caught her, holding her back.
«Abby, no, don't, he's gone, Abby, please» Henry said to her, holding her tight to his chest, sheltering her from the sight of Jimmy's unseeing eyes. Sheltering her, just like he did when they all thought Jimmy blew up on his boat.
But Jimmy, Jimmy – this time there was no return from the dead, he was gone, and she had lost him – completely, forever gone. Everything broke down inside her, there was no escape from the torrent inside, and she screamed into Henry's shoulder - screamed her sorrow and despair. He held her tight, stroking her back, and she knew nothing but his comforting hands and her grief.
«Sully, leave!» he said, the command audibly in his voice. «She shouldn't have to face you right now, go back, find Madison and Shea.» She heard his voice, but really nothing registered – it was just a part of the din around her.
«Henry, Henry! I've found a radio!» Trish was shouting, running towards them. «Oh, no!» Sully groaned, «NO, what did I do!? Trish – she's alright! Jimmy - he didn't, I didn't have to – what have I done?»
«Oh my God! Is Jimmy... is he... dead?» Trish's voice was wavering. Abby didn't listen, all that was going through her mind was NO, no, no, no, please, no, don't let it be true, no... Don't talk about it, no, please, no...
She felt Henry letting go of her, reaching out to Trish, but she wouldn't let him go, she couldn't stand on her own. So she clutched him to her, legs weak and wobbling, feeling that he was the one solid thing left in her world. «Don't, d-d-d-don't let go of me!» she stuttered, and she felt him grasp her again, holding her up. «Never!», he whispered in her ear, only for her to hear, and he said loud: «Radio? Is it far?»
«No, it's right over here, in a boathouse below the cliff» Trish said, before continuing: «Oh, poor Abby, look at her, what happened? Why is Jimmy... who did this?»
Sully's voice came from down below, as if he was sitting on the ground, sounding hollow and weak: «It's my fault. I did this. I thought he killed you, Trish. I'm, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to...»
«I'll take Abby to the boathouse,» Henry interrupted insistently, «the two of you go back to Shea and Madison. Sully, you can explain to Trish on the way. GO! NOW!».
Abby could hear their voices moving off, growing fainter, and Trish exclaiming a «Oh, no! Oh, Sully, I'm so sorry, Jimmy didn't hurt me..., but I can understand why you...»
Xxx
Dead – unecessarily so – dead, dead, dead...
«Can you walk, Abby?» Henry said softly to her, his voice breaking through her stupor.
She tried to think, but couldn't focus at all, so she just shook her head into his shoulder.
«Alright», he answered, lifting her up in his arms. She managed to burrow her face into his chest, afraid that if she lifted her head, she'd see Jimmy's body again. The going was obviously rough, because Henry walked slowly and carefully, but holding her tight at all times.
«I have to let you down to open the door,» he told her quietly, «can you stand for a moment?»
She nodded, feeling him lowering her legs down to the ground. Her feet still wobbly, she clung to him as he opened the door, before he lifted her up again. Inside, he stopped, peering around the room.
«There's a bench of sorts here, Abby, do you want to lie down?» he asked her.
She didn't answer, and he took her lack of reply as an agreement, taking a few steps before putting her down.
«Don't leave me!» she begged, taking hold of his hand, holding him back.
«I won't» he said, «I'm just going to take a look at that radio. I'll be right here, Abby.»
Her mind was almost completely blank, except for the terrifying fact of Jimmy being dead. There was no place for any other thoughts, and she stared at Henry, but not taking in what he was doing. She felt empty, not even crying anymore.
Henry examined the radio, fiddling with it. Taking a quick glance at her, he said: «It seems broken to me, I can't get it to work. Would you like to try?»
She shook her head wordlessly. What did she care for a radio now? She hadn't even seen one since she left Harper's all those years ago, and she'd probably not rememember how to use one. And right now she didn't care for anything – as far as she was concerned, she was as good as dead inside.
Henry sat down beside her, patting her hair. «Maybe we should just stay here, and wait for the others to come back,» he said, stroking her hair soothingly. «Maybe they can get the radio to work.»
She thought of Sully coming back, and suddenly the loss flooded again. Tears started to fall, and she sobbed – the sound was unaturally loud, hoarse and ugly in her own ears.
«Abby, I'm so sorry, I wish I could spare you for this», he whispered, bowing down to her. She threw her arms around him, trying to hide herself from the awful reality by pressing her face into him. He moved over, laying down beside her, enveloping her in his arms.
Xxx
She cried, sobbing loudly into his chest. Her whole body was shaking, and his shirt was sopping wet by her tears. He loved the feeling of her being this close to him, his arms around her as they should be, and her body pressed tight to him.
He told himself he was a pervert, thinking about this when Abby was in such pain, but still the thoughts wouldn't go away. Abby mustn't notice anything, it would be totally inappropriate, and it would blow his cover before he was ready. He tried to immerse himself into feeling Abby's pain, but it just didn't work. Henry knew the reason: Jimmy Mance. He simply couldn't make himself feel sad that this bastard had left the earth. And Sully killing Jimmy was perfect – Abby could never blame him for Jimmy's death, even though he would have loved carving up Jimmy's face - his guts – bleeding him like a... No, he had to get a grip on himself! Thinking about intimacy with Abby and killing Jimmy – neither would calm him down, he knew that for sure. But Abby, holding her like this was a taste of what he'd soon have for a lifetime. He breathed in her scent, feeling her hair tickle his nose, and enjoyed the feel of her body as he rubbed her back soothingly. Oh, how he loved her - .she was perfect. She was the only one - the only one who was real to him. The rest was just shadows – puppets, unreal. He loved her even when she cried for Jimmy Mance. It just showed her as the compassionate woman she was. Shame on him – he wanted the passionate woman more right now than the compassionate one, and that was clearly wrong right now.
«Henry, do you know?» she croaked, «I've lost almost everything and everyone except you? My parents, my friends, Jimmy, my home... You're the only one left.»
He had to fight his smile, trying to look sad, but inside he was whooping: That's excactly what he'd wanted her to feel! She already did, and there were still people alive! But, Abby, his perfect Abby, she already realized how things were going to be. It had never been more difficult to keep himself in check, he wanted to kiss her, telling her how much he loved her. He fought for control, and ended up with a unfulfilling compromise, putting his lips softly to her hair. A brotherly kiss, he thought, eyes twinkling with amusement. She stopped, crying, and he froze. Had he blown his cover? Had she felt that the kiss wasn't suitably chaste, or...?
xxx
«I want to kill Sully», she heard herself whisper. Henry's eyebrows rose, and he said: «So do I! At least, right now,» he amended, looking somewhat guilty. «But I don't think it's a good idea. Don't you think there's been enough deaths here?»
«I hate him. He destroyed my life», she said. «I don't care. He deserves death. If Wakefield kills him, I'll be overjoyed!» she finished, her voice a fierce, fiery whisper.
«Mmmm, Abby... I don't think you'll want that – you're no killer.» Henry murmured. «You're much too nice and well – kindhearted.»
Her laugh sounded bitter in her own ears: «You're probably right – I couldn't do that. You know me better than I do myself. I just hope someone else will kill Sully for me.»
She felt him draw a sharp breath, and then he exhaled: «People always get what they deserve. I guess Sully's time will come – without you soiling your hands, Abby.»
Xxx