Some thoughts won't leave your head. Maybe they were meant to be written.
It was a beautiful day in the land of Konoha before the Chunin Exams, lingering thoughts of Sarutobi's self proclaimed 'Will of Fire' soaking the air of anticipation as the Hokage gently laid a scroll detailing Naruto Uzumaki's latest mission deployment into his desk. It certainly wouldn't do for overzealous councellors to take advantage of the boy's absence, would it?
Maybe in other worlds the boy had some hidden secrets, S class transformation techniques, perhaps even Danzo or some missing nin take him into their care. But life was rarely so...agreeable with the genin as no easy solutions were to be found in this village. No hidden allies, no estrangled relatives tracker his female kunoichi had never even heard of, no overpowering bloodlines or mythical gifts of the Kyuubi.
Frankly? Hiruzen Sarutobi preferred it that way.
Naruto had a penchant for devouring enough ramen to feed Rice Country for a month. He could slip into enemy territory and dismantle a corporate mafia leader on a C-class mission. The genin had painted mountains with nobody noticing, and even casually steal a FORBIDDEN scroll under their noses. Did he really need something to give more migraines than a shadow cloned horde of pranks could manage?
It wasn't as if Minato's boy was even stealthy about it! He wore orange bright enough to act as a massive target, could survive a childhood of constant sabotage, become a ninja and escape the entire civilian council, and still rein in the bloodthirsty corruption of a nine tailed demon fox.
The light above his desk flickering intermittently should have tipped him off. But the privacy seals Sarutobi had Jiraiya draw on it were there for a reason- what kind of ninja would be so obvious as to mess with a light when they stuck to the shadows for a reason? It was a perfect place to draw the kind of hidden calligraphy that protected his office, after all.
But back to Naruto. Whatever possessed his student to name the kid after a hero in one of Jiraiya's books, the legacy of the blonde unnerved the hell out of even his most trusted advisors! People who he spent YEARS governing an army of emotionally unstable, overactive ninja were afraid. Of a genin. Thankfully today at least both the most esteemed advisors and the source of their worries were absent- making this a quiet, uneventful day the likes of a ninja village rarely saw. He mouthed the words in a quiet fascination, obviously enamored with that idea.
Looking back, the Hokage would regret provoking fate more than the Hyuuga clan.
With a lounging sigh, the high fire shadow tipped his hat away from the grandson struggling to grab the mantle of his office from a light fixture above. Did he mention that the Uzumaki child just happened to have earned his family's rivalry? Honestly... As if being the last of the Kushina's village wasn't enough, the kage might have to start explaining to the child why his family's Uzushiogakure crest was on the chunin and jonin vests of Konoha.
Ehhhh... Maybe after the Chunin Exams.
Snapping his fingers, Hiruzen glanced up, letting the boy freeze in awkward admission of guilt. Smiling almost slyly up to the brat, Sarutobi raises an eyebrow and points down. Konohamaru, of course, silently shook his head, beads of sweat hanging onto the ceiling fixture of the office for dear life. Following which, the Sandaime points more sternly down, and the loud gulp of denial from the honorable grandson drew a more frantic shaking of his head.
A moment later, Sarutobi leaned back in his desk and puffed his pipe, a now painfully rebuked grandson nursing a bump on his head on the floor from his grandfather. Let it never be said that the Professor didnt use his amazing jutsu repetoire for such menial tasks so often; he just preferred not having to repeat himself so often. Not like he didn't have enough paperwork to reassert his dominance two or three times a day to unruly shinobi.
A soft cough split the now bemused Hokage's chapped lips, smiing slightly in the puffs of smoke that broke from his pipe. Most ninja didn't live to the age of thirty, so every small pleasure was worth the risks. Pity one of his jounin, Kurenai, seemed to have taken a vested interest in stopping his son Asuma's habit making ways. Such a shame.
"Oy, Jii-san? I found something. A book, right next to your office." The kid mentioned, bump forgotten as he looks up at the Hokage expectantly. The leader of the leaf village slowly blinked owlishly at the seriousness dedicating his grandson's tone, but gestured lightly as an old novel fell through a cloud of dust into his aged hands. As if mesmerized, the Kage opened it silently before Konohamaru and took another puff on his pipe at the title.
"This...? Ah. You saw the name, I take it. Very well, just...this once." The eldest Sarutobi offered good naturedly, gesturing as a kawimari stump appeared next to the desk and his grandchild jumped on it like a chair. Was that even possible?
A pause broke out in the room while the old man regained his composure, the light above the desk snapping silently as the child smudged privacy seal malfunctioned and began to broadcast the next words out of Sarutobi's mouth, civilians and shinobi alike pausing as the evacuation sirens began broadcasting the historical conversation between a child and his grandfather that would rock the world to its core. The Sandaime Hokage smiled as he read the title, lingering his words over the toad oil inked paper as if to savor the original book that the Sannin had inadvertantly named Kushina Uzumaki's child with.
But unknown to him, this was not the original novel that inspired a child in Hidden Rain. You see, this was a prank. It was not Konohamaru, Jiraiya, nor even Naruto who reigned as the greatest pranksters in the Elemental Nations. It was simply an old, dry skinned amphibian who would use his visions of the future and change the world forever.
The Dokonjō Ninden, Or the Tales of the Gutsy Ninja, written by the Gallant Jiraiya. Revised version, by the Ogama Sennin.
"Our story begins in the Land of Fire..."