Her own Green Eyed Monster
Summary: She leaned closer as she whispered in his ear, her voice misty, "You know, I've never been jealous before." Her voice lost its usual glow and turned sharp, "I never knew it would make me so angry."- Can you really count on fate to bring you to the one you love? Or is history doomed to not repeat?
A/N: REWRITTEN. Finally, I got around to touching this up and making it an actual decent story. Re-reading it, I noticed I had written Harry rather like a jerk and generally not in character. Other parts of the bugged me since it didn't flow.
So I touched it up. :D
Happily strolling down the halls, Luna Lovegood was a sight to behold. Dressed in one of her strange dresses; lavender with floaty lace covering the bodice, she actually looked quite pretty. Harry felt himself staring as she danced away.
Catching himself before he called after her, he shook his head. What had gotten into him? Sure Luna could be pretty but her usual dreamy air dimmed the effect. Besides, he had only just gotten together with Ginny and was willing to spend every minute of his day pinning after her.
Smiling to himself, Harry heading towards the common room, eager for a warmwelcome from his girlfriend.
In the shadows, Luna Lovegood watched him go.
Unnoticed, she slipped away.
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It was later that day that she saw Harry and Ginny snogging in the hall. She had heard some Wrackspurts floating around in the general area and came to inspect the faint noise. But the sight of Ginny and Harry lip-locked made Luna's heart grow cold.
Perhaps the wrackspurts were elsewhere.
She sighed and stared sadly at the sight of the couple. Quietly, she walked away, a single tear dropping to the ground.
Luna could been seen tending to the nargles that day. Spending all her time near Hagrid's hut. No one suspected anything was wrong; after all, this was Loony Lovegood, just going off on one of her crazy escapades again. But no one had made the connection that she was only there because Harry and his friends had been invited to Hagrid's that day.
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"Loopy, Loony, Luna," a group of childish Slytherins called after her as she made her way down to the great hall the next day. Ignoring them as she often did with these people she turned her head and went some other way. She might not show it, but the constant teasing did bother her to an extent. A slight pang hit her heart and Luna didn't really know if it were because of the teasing or her terrible day so far.
Seating herself at the Ravenclaw table when she got there, she opened her copy of 'The Quibbler' and began to read. Flipping through the pages she sighed in disappointment when the magazine was filled with boring news, stereotypes and prejudiced articles. Daddy had lost quite a bit of money when he almost turned Harry Potter in and he had to sell the magazine.
Her misty eyes clouded with anger as she gripped the magazine all the harder. They had gotten 20 galleons for it. Hardly enough to even buy food.
Blinking back tears, she finished off her breakfast and prepared to head to class.
No one even noticed her distressed mood, they were all sitting as far away from her as they could.
As usual.
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She hadn't meant to bump into Harry after class. It was one of the rare moments when she didn't quite notice he was there. She always seemed to notice him recently.
Shocked and surprised as she was, she couldn't help but smile when she saw his windswept hair and knew he was returning from the Quidditch pitch. Luna felt her heart skip a beat as Harry carded a hand through his hair, apparently trying to keep it in check. A slight giggle escaped her lips at the sight.
"You know, you shouldn't be wandering around like that, the blitthering humdingers might catch you."
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That day, Harry had a constant nagging feeling at the back of his mind. Like something was following him. Wondering vaguely if there were rogue Death Eaters in the castle he turned the day's events over in his mind.
Classes had continued as average, with the new Potions Master much more bearable than Snape. McGonagall was the same, her strict but effective teaching style getting much progress in the class. Harry however, was not afraid of her anymore. How could he be afraid of threats of detention when he had already faced some of his greatest fears?
He wondered if McGonagall would be teaching for long, she was after all the new Headmistress. Maybe she couldn't find anyone for the job yet. Surprisingly, she had hired Bill Weasley for the Defense positions and his animated speeches and vibrant demonstrations wowed the class. But not Harry, no Harry was beyond being impressed by flashes of light and debating arguments. Personally, Harry felt that he could have taught the class himself.
Still musing about his day amongst other things(he could've swornhe heard a giggle echo from down the hall), he turned and found himself staring straight into the eyes of Luna Lovegood.
"You know, you shouldn't be wandering around like that, the blitthering humdingers might catch you," she said in her normal dreamy and matter of fact way. Luna's piercing blue eyes bore into Harry in that instance he saw something strange in her gaze. He shivered, feeling unbelievable sadness emanating from Luna.
"Yeah...I'm sorry, er, but I, ah, need to get to Ginny," He stammered out, suddenly wanting to get away from Luna. He cursed himself for his incoherency and lack of tact and starting walking away. Harry frowned, somehow, this wasn't like him to be walking away from a girl who obviously needed his help.
But Luna's voice drafted to his ears as she called out to him, "Yes, I suppose to need to get back to your girlfriendnow, don't you?" Maybe it was the way she said it, but he felt a hint of anger in her voice.
"Yes, my girlfriend," he replied as she inched his way out of the hall, feeling tension in the air and the conversation grow awkward. Strange, he'd never felt that way around Luna before. "Is there a problem?"
Luna's eyes narrowed as she caught up to him, "Oh no! There's no problem at all!" she chirped, cheerful voice no longer matching her cold expression.
"Then, ah, can I go now?" Harry questioned, becoming steadily more worried by the second.
"Why do you want to go?" Luna questioned, though her dreamy voice wavered for a while and seemed to hold a deeper intent. "What's wrong with keeping me company?" Luna's eyes swam with something watery for a second, before she blinked and they were suddenly clear as the sky again.
Now he was stuck. Ginny wasn't expecting him and he couldn't use her as an excuse. She'd most likely talk to Luna later and come to kill him for his lies. "Oh nothing...just that I have homework I need to do. Nasty Defence essay." That was a reasonable excuse...right?
"No... I remember you mentioning seeing Ginny before...or was that just an excuse?"
Why did Luna have to have such frightening accuracy when it came to observational skills?
Harry was sweating now, with no apparent reason why. Why was he getting so worked up about this? It was only Luna, she'd understand him.
"You know, I don't quite believe you have a Defence essay either," Luna paused to scrutinize him with her gaze. "And even if you do, well, you wouldn't mind me holding you up for a while now would you? You could do Defence in your sleep."
Harry was confused at first, but now he was downright angry. "What's your problem?" he asked rather harshly. It wasn't really her business what he was doing, was it? Voicing these opinions to her, Harry stalked out of the hall, leaving Luna Lovegood and all her craziness behind.
Luna stared sadly at Harry's retreating back. She didn't know what came over her. She was just so angry all the time. Turning to leave, she walked slowly back to her common room, not a dance in her steps.
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"Crazy, that one," Ron shook his head upon hearing Harry's tale of the day regarding Luna.
Harry sighed, carding a hand through his hair in frustration. "It's just that Luna seemed off when she talked to me. She's usually less straightforward."
Ron nodded. "I dunno, mate, I've always liked Luna, thought she was kind of funny, y'know? Either way, she's a brilliant friend and strong duelist to boot" he grinned, fondly recalled their odd and loyal friend.
"Since when did you get so mature?" Harry teased, nudging Ron on the side. "I seem to recall you mentioning something about a 'Loony Luna' before." Harry didn't really mean it, Luna wasLoony was in a good way. Not like how the other girls saw her.
Ron's expression darkened as he looked Harry in the eyes, "It's the war mate, you see everything different after that."
A silence dropped between the two as Harry quietly contemplated the loss of innocence found in everyone.
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The next time Harry met Luna Lovegood was in the library. Having made his way there for a rather complex potions essay he found her browsing through the shelves. Having already dismissed their earlier disagreement, he approached her, wanting to fix past mistakes.
"Hey Luna, how're you doing?"
Luna smiled, but her eyes remained dark, having nearly lost their mistiness. "Oh I'm fine Harry. Just fine."
There was an awkward silence then. Harry frowned. Since when was it so strained between him and Luna?
After a while, she spoke. "Do you know what it's like to be jealous?" Harry stared at her, taken aback, of all the things he expected from Luna Lovegood, this was not one of them.
"Well I dunno. I guess yeah when Ginny was dating all those boys in my fifth year," he said, trying to keep his voice casual. At the mention of Ginny, Luna's eyes sharpened for a split second.
She leaned closer as she whispered in his ear, her voice misty, "You know, I've never been jealous before." Her voice lost its usual glow and turned sharp, "I never knew it would make me so angry."
Harry stepped back as she quickly ran away. Coming to his senses, he ran out as well, following her. "Luna! Wait Luna!" panting, he found her disappearing behind the doors to an empty classroom. The room was dark and quiet, no furniture visible to Harry.
"Luna?" he whispered, uncertain.
A quiet voice came from the shadows. "Are you in love with Ginny?"
What? Confused, he answered, "Of course I am!"
A sob broke the silence as she took in the words. Suddenly, her voice turned into a scream. "What about me? Don't you care about me?"
"Don't you care at all?"
Harry was confused. This wasn't like Luna. Not at all.
"Luna, I love you like a sister! I do care about you!" Apparently that was not the answer she was hoping for as a pillow came from nowhere and hit his face.
"That's not good enough!" she screamed at him. "Why can't you love me? Why can't you love me like I love you?" she whispered then. And that was somehow worse than the screaming sobs. Harry felt some little part of him break when hearing her tiny beaten voice. Immediately, the breath rushed out of him and Harry felt a little bit cowed at her implications.
"Because I love Ginny," he whispered back, not knowing what else to say after finally catching on to what she meant.
"Then ignore me! Be mean to me! Hate me!" she cried. "Don't you hate Loopy, Loony Luna? Don't you hate me and my nargles and wrackspurts and my crumple-horned-snorkacks? Don't you think I'm stupid?" she sneered in a self-deprecating way.
"I can't hate you Luna! You're my friend. Those idiots who think you're less than brilliant have no idea what they're talking about!" Harry shouted, feeling a profound rage at the students who mocked her, called her names.
Suddenly, Luna stepped out of the room and shook him, hard. "Don't be my friend. If you're going to be with Ginny..." she trailed off. "If you're going to be with Ginny than I can't stand you being nice to me. I can't stand that," she said, largely to herself. Hugging herself with her arms, Luna looked for all the world like a lost little girl, hoping for something in her life to make sense.
Harry suddenly felt himself conflicted. In that instance, he wanted nothing more than to hug Luna and tell her everything was going to be alright.
"I thought we had something." Luna looked down at her shoes. "That day in the forest, you didn't laugh at me or think I was strange." She gestured with her hand to her eyes, "These eyes can see the Thestrals. They can see everything they do. Thestrals are beautiful creatures you know. But I can only see them because I saw my mother die. I know you know what that's like...I know you've seen so many people you love die.
"But I loved my mother so much it hurts. And I can't ask anyone else for advice on what to do. It's been 8 years. But it still feels like an open wound," Luna turned to look at Harry and her eyes were not the dreamy and moonlit orbs Harry was used to but rather haunted blue crystals, teeming with unshed tears. "You know they say that time heals all wounds?" Luna chuckled. "I used to believe that. Not anymore."
Harry stared at her. Quietly surveying her loss. It was nothing compared to him, nothing compared to the people who lost everything in the war. But she had lost and Harry knew she had yet to gain something. And maybe that was worse; Luna had never felt the comfort of knowing her mother died of her own accord to save Luna herself like he had. Luna could only feel the emptiness of a mother taken away through accident. Harry bowed his head.
"Luna, the pain goes away," he started to say but cut himself off because it just wasn't rightor true. He tried again, "What I mean is that though there's going to be something missing in your heart you can always find people to replace it. Think of everyone who survived and use that hope to smother the hurt."
Luna wrapped her arms even more tightly around herself. "Harry, I'm trying. But whenever things start going my way I find out it's not what I thought it was. Harry, I'm so lost and angry and hurt that I'm not quite sure what to do anymore."
"Don't be. Be yourself, don't care and if you tell it to yourself, soon, you'll believe it," Harry said.
"If only it were that easy, Harry," Luna grinned. "If only."
Harry chuckled and nodded his head. "You're right, Luna, it's not easy. But that doesn't mean that we can't try," he said and gave her a thumbs up.
For the first time that day, Harry heard Luna laugh. He heard Luna genuinely laugh and it was hard not to join in.
Afterwards, there was a comfortable silence.
Luna smiled, breaking the silence. "Harry, you know why I believe in all those creatures?" she asked. Placing a hand on his temple, she began talking without waiting for an answer. "When you see Thestrals, it means you've seen someone die. When I found out I could see them? Well, I thought; if there were other creatures like Thestrals, maybe I can't see them. Maybe if I can't see these creatures, my mother will still be alive because it means I haven't seen anyone die.
"I know crumple-horned snorkacks aren't real Harry. And I know that none of those creatures are. It's just... I wanted so badly to believe they existed because it would mean that my mother wasn't really dead. And after a while, I just started to believe myself," Luna whispered, turning her gaze back towards the ground. "I- I just wanted my mother back," she said, voice breaking. "Is that so wrong, Harry?"
Harry's gaze softened. "Well, it's not wrong to think that Luna, and if it makes you feel better, who cares what anyone else thinks, right?" he smiled. "I certainly don't care. You're an amazing person, Luna and please don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Luna leaned against his shoulder and stared at him, her eyes slowly retaining their misty glow. Harry felt something hit him hard and a strange pressure seemed to be on his chest. Luna was startlingly beautiful at this light and angle, he thought, her hair was so light and pretty. Harry felt the strangest urge to stroke it. Her face was getting closer now and in a daze, Harry watched the way her full lips parted and her wide eyes squeezed shut.
He felt her lips press to his and didn't protest. Harry heard her light footsteps as she ran out, feeling an urge to follow her. Walking to the door in a daze he watched her retreating back.
She didn't turn around.
A/N: Hopefully, it's better now than before. Awkwards wordings etc. are gone.
Stayed tuned, I have a sequel of sorts planned for this! ;)
Reviews? 3
~Ciao, Ale