AN: This one's a little old. After my last Deathnote fic I wanted to do something a bit (or, alright, a LOT) lighter.

Cherry Stems

By Allegra

Misa sat in a large room with comfortable, conservative décor, consisting of mostly lilac and beige. Her legs were crossed loosely as she leaned to one side, elbow supporting her against the arm of the couch she sat on, glowering. The cause of her vexation sat across from her on a matching couch, pale and sickly, contorted in a strange squat with his feet tucked beneath him; black eyes were just barely visible above his knees and were partially obscured by black bangs (greasy, Misa noted as a small frown tugged at her features). Said man seemed oblivious to her scrutiny, or more likely simply didn't care. He hunched over a bowl of candied cherries that he seemed to be pouring sugar on. Misa scrunched her nose in distaste at the spectacle; it was a sharp contrast to the clean-cut man sitting next to him. Light Yagami was staring off into space, chin resting on his palm as he idly glanced towards the clock for the third time in five minutes. Misa's frown deepened at his bored demeanor. He wouldn't be so distracted if this was a real date!

Misa's glare switched back to the voyeur who was to blame for this failed date, accusingly. L was occupied licking the sugar off of an impossibly red cherry, but before Misa could voice how disgusting this was her eyes zeroed in on a pair of cherries attached at the stem.

"Hey, Light-kun?" she started slowly, plan beginning to formulate as she reached for what had once been an actual piece of fruit, snatching it up before L could stake his claim and devour it. Light made a noncommittal noise that Misa took as her cue to continue. "Did you know," she asked, pulling a neon cherry off of its stem, "that they say if you can tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, then you're a good kisser?"

"I think I heard that somewhere, yes," Light answered as Misa popped the cherry into her mouth, intended sexiness somewhat compromised by the following grimace at its flavor. She liked desserts, but nothing on earth was meant to be this sweet! Misa placed the other cherry back into the bow, undeterred. Light watched with vague interest as Misa placed the stems in her mouth and, after some expert maneuvering of her tongue, pulled out her masterpiece with a triumphant grin. Light nodded, doubting he could perform the feat but wondering why anyone would want to. Both of the teens' attention was drawn to the table as another knotted cherry stem hit it. Misa looked up at L disbelievingly, to find him nonchalantly reaching for his next victim.

"Does that mean I'm a good kisser?" he asked calmly, plopping another chemically mutated sphere into his mouth. Misa tried her best not to vomit at the thought.

"Do it again," she demanded, watching him closely.

"If you insist," the detective shrugged, placing another stem on his tongue obediently. Misa gaped when moments later he stuck out his tongue to present a neat knot in the center of the stem. Light was mildly impressed; Misa knotting a cherry stem with her tongue was one thing, L doing the same was another. Besides being unexpected, the act was exponentially more creepy. The blonde supermodel once again struggled to suppress the urge to throw up at the implications of this feat.

"Can you do it, Light-kun?" L asked innocently. The mass murderer looked up, narrowing his eyes at his nemesis.

"Do what?" he demanded in a tone that conveyed his disdain for the very idea that there was something L could do that he could not. L smiled disconcertingly before continuing.

"Tie a knot in a cherry with your tongue, Light-kun," he clarified.

"Why would I want to?" Light asked indifferently. Misa frowned at his obvious lack of interest in her talent. L shrugged awkwardly.

"Misa-kun and I can," he stated simply. Light was silent.

"Of course he can!" Misa exclaimed, bristling at the perceived slight on her boyfriend's abilities. "Light-kun is an amazing kisser!" she proclaimed.

"I'll take your word for it," L replied, reaching into the bowl to claim another cherry. Light thought that the strange conversation was over, until L continued. "But," the sugar-happy detective said slowly, studying the candied berry caught between his fingers, "can he tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue?"

Light's frown deepened at L's insistence, as the would-be God of the New World scrutinized the situation for any ulterior motives his diabolical adversary could have. Kira would of course rise to the challenge, but high school student Light would too, wouldn't he? Would refusing be out of character, even suspicious? He could see L's wide-eyed, creepy smile now, chanting "7.5%"

"I don't see why you care," Light said, reaching for a stem despite himself. He certainly would not lower himself to actually eating one of the disgusting things. Honestly, something so juvenile, he would punish Misa for bringing it up. Rolling his eyes at the sheer absurdity of the situation, Light placed the stem on his tongue, as L and Misa crowded in to watch intently.

Ten seconds later he was surprised by the difficulty of this task, awkwardly maneuvering his tongue around in his mouth. Twenty seconds later he was becoming irritated. Thirty seconds later he was downright annoyed, and thirty-six seconds later he spat the chewed remnants of the stem into a napkin in defeat. Misa's face fell, L wore his usual mask of indifference, and Light was pissed. He tried not to consider the possibility that L was laughing at him internally, as he would have to punch L if that were the case.

"So what?" Light demanded, pausing as his voice came out much more petulant than he'd intended. With a calming breath, he continued. "I'm still a better kisser."

"Who determined that?" L asked, attention returning to the cherries. "You really shouldn't make blanket assumptions like that, Light-kun. It is unbecoming of a policeman's son and a detective." At this point, Misa decided that she did not like the direction that the conversation was going.

"Of course Light-kun is a better kisser," she said carefully. "Pervert-kun is just more… flexible." Both men turned to look at her incredulously, Light's expression mingled with disgust and L's with curiosity. Misa gulped.

"Have you ever even kissed a girl?" Light demanded, recovering.

"Of course I have," L answered, returning to the task of giving himself diabetes. The two Kiras' mouths fell open in shock (and horror, in Misa's case). Misa quickly squashed the urge to ask "who," deciding that she had been scarred more than enough for one day.

"M-Misa thinks that this is a silly conversation," she piped up.

"Yes, it is," Light growled in agreement, pinching the bridge of his nose. Things were pretty damn bad when Misa was playing the voice of reason. Silence fell over the group, interrupted only by the occasional pop of a candied cherry meeting its untimely demise. Light stared at the clock with such intensity that he half expected it to burst into flames, but it did not humor him by going any faster.

"Have you kissed any girls other than Misa-kun?"

"Why are you so interested in my kissing abilities?!" Light all but shrieked. He tried very hard not to slam his head into the table when L simply shrugged once again.

"Do friends not speak about such things?" L asked contemplatively. Misa was quite sure that they were the opposite of friends, but decided not to voice this opinion.

"Yes," Light said with a deep sigh. "I have kissed other girls."

"What?!" Misa screamed indignantly. "Who? When?? Where do they live?!"

"I had a girlfriend back in middle school," Light said through gritted teeth, ears ringing. He made a mental note to have a discussion with Misa later about what constituted "evil" and who she was allowed to kill. Misa seemed placated by this; middle school didn't count.

"I was only wondering, since Misa seems to think that you're such a good kisser. You must have had a lot of practice," L mused.

"Of course, we kiss all the time!" Misa lied easily. When was the last time they'd kissed? She made puppy-dog eyes at Light, but he was too busy glaring at L to notice.

"I really do not think that my sexual prowess is any of your concern!"

"No need to be so defensive, Light-kun,"

"Why do you care whether or not I'm a good kisser?!"

"I don't, I was only wondering since Misa said you were so incredible, despite the fact that you failed the cherry-test."

"Misa wishes that Pervert-kun would stop bringing Misa into this!"

"That's just a stupid rumor, it doesn't mean anything!" Light insisted.

"W-well it does mean something, Light-kun," Misa started reproachfully, cutting off with a quiet "meep" as Light turned the full force of his glare on her.

"It's as Misa says," L agreed.

"No it's not, Misa is silly!" Misa insisted, backtracking.

"Exactly what is it that you're trying to prove?" Light demanded, ignoring her.

"Well, which one of us is a better kisser, I suppose," L answered.

"And how do you propose we find that out?"

"Well," L's eyes traveled over to Misa, who immediately began squirming.

"You know this has been a very nice date, Misa had lots of fun, but Light-kun and Pervert-kun probably need to get back to their detectiveing and catching Kira and-"

"Be quiet, Misa," Light ordered, gesturing for L to continue. Misa tried very hard not to start hyperventilating, glancing between the two fearfully and gauging her chances of making it to the door before either one could grab her. No, there was no need to panic, Light-kun would never agree to such a thing. In fact, he'd probably punch Pervert-kun just for thinking it! He would protect her virtue!

"So what is this idea?" Light asked.

"It's very simple, really; we both kiss Misa, and she decides which one of us is the better kisser," L suggested blandly. Misa glanced at Light, waiting for the punch. Light was looking past her, apparently deep in thought. Wait, why? Why did he look contemplative?

"You know she'll choose me," Light said eventually. L nodded slightly.

"Yes, she is quite biased; you'd have to make her promise to be honest. What do you think?"

Light looked at Misa, and his expression was about as far away from the righteous anger she'd been hoping for as it could be. "Alright, Misa, you must swear to judge fairly."

"What?! No!! Misa will not kiss Pervert-kun!" Misa yelled, moving up so that she was perched precariously on the back of the couch.

"Misa," Light said dangerously, "this is the simplest way to solve it. You need to kiss us both and decide who is better." L nodded in a "take one for the team" manner. Misa shuddered.

"But Light-kun, Misa could never be untrue! Misa loves you too much!"

"Well it's hardly cheating since I'm asking you to do it," Light stated in an annoyed manner, leaving no room for complaints or appeals. Misa's lower lip quivered. This was the worst thing Light had ever made her do.

"But Light-kun—"

"Misa, be agreeable," he snapped. "I'll go first." Any further pleas for mercy Misa might have made were swallowed as Light mashed his lips against hers. Misa complied instantly, closing her eyes and savoring the sensation. His lips were warm and firm against hers, and Misa resolved to demand more kisses from now on. After a few seconds she realized that Light didn't seem to plan on deepening it, so Misa took it upon herself to run her tongue over his lower lip and initiate a contest-winning kiss.

Light drew back a few moments later, apparently satisfied. His lips were red and Misa hurriedly glanced around for a napkin to subtly wipe off the remnants of her lipstick before he could notice and get angry. Once this task was completed, she turned slowly to face her next challenge. She glanced back pleadingly at Light.

"Please—"

"Go on, it doesn't have to be long." Misa nodded solemnly, accepting her fate. Misa was a trooper. She could do this for Light-kun.

With one final grimace, she turned to watch L stand up, hunched over so that they were practically the same height. He approached slowly, shuffling his feet, with an unreadable expression. Soon he was only a few inches away, still staring at her.

Oh God, he wasn't going to close his eyes, was he? Ew! Misa clenched her own eyes shut, mentally preparing herself for what was to come. But now she couldn't see what he was doing. Could she trust Light to make sure he didn't try anything too awful? Even including being attacked by a stalker with a knife, this was the scariest moment of Misa Amane's entire life. Finally, chapped lips pressed against hers, and Misa made a mental note to suggest her favorite brand of chapstick to him once this was all over.

Ugh, he tasted sickeningly sweet, like those stupid cherries. This was honestly the worst kiss she had ever—

Oh. Oh my. What was he—

Wow. Where on earth did he learn that. Pervert-kun certainly had much more experience than Misa had expected. Unbidden, a small moan made its way to her lips as she kissed him back wholeheartedly.

Light cleared his throat loudly. Misa jumped back, tripping over the couch in the process and biting her tongue as she landed in a heap. Light did not look amused. L looked— well she didn't really want to think about why he looked quite that happy.

"Um, okay, all done," Misa chirped, springing back to her feet. She shrank as Light glared at her. Not that he was jealous. She was just a tool after all, she would be disposed of eventually. Still. He didn't have to enjoy watching his girlfriend make-out with his archenemy, it was the principle of the thing.

"So," L began, sounding extraordinarily smug (in Light's ears, anyway), "who was better?" Misa appeared to have zoned out, looking out the window dreamily and ignoring his question. Light tapped her shoulder impatiently.

"Misa," he said shortly, waiting for her to glance up at him in recognition before continuing. "Who was better?"

"Oh," Misa trailed off, glancing at L quickly before looking back to Light. "Light-kun, of course!" she assured him, beaming. She flung her arms around his shoulders, hugging him. Light endured this for a few moments before shrugging her off.

"Well, that's that. You win," L said, not seeming put-off in the least.

"Yeah, guess so. Not that it really matters, it was a stupid contest."

"Why did you make Misa kiss Pervert-kun for a stupid contest that didn't matter?!" Misa demanded.

"Shut up, Misa."

Misa pouted, turning away from him, and found herself looking at L. A small smile was still in place as he looked at her and— What. What? Did he seriously just wink at her?

"Well, I'm afraid it's time to return to the case. It was very nice seeing you, Misa-kun," L stated, turning to leave. Misa humphed, turning back to Light.

"I'll miss you Darling, come back soon!"

"Sure," Light agreed indifferently as Misa gave him a parting hug, waving until he had closed the door. She heaved a sigh once they were gone, all but falling onto the couch. Her eyes traveled across the table and landed on the bowl of cherries that L had left behind. Grumbling, Misa stood up and grabbed the offending bowl, dumping its contents into the nearest trashcan.

Never again was Misa Amane eating cherries!