Chapter 1
It was raining the night he came into the world. The moon full, the wind howling and the shutters banging against the dilapidated cabin out in the woods. His mother, alone screaming in the small bedroom. The ten-year-old was not keen on going into that room knowing that his mother would be on display, pushing this new living being into the world. The being no one wanted to exist in the first place. Would the child be a boy or a girl? The ten-year-old hoped for a boy. After all, he had no idea how he would help care for a girl. He would have nothing to do with dresses and flowers and dolls. His father wouldn't put up with that either, not for one minute. He didn't even allow his own wife to wear any items with color, no scents that women seem to enjoy, no make-up, no jewelry. Hell, he made her chew off her fingernails down to the quick. No, a little girl wouldn't do. Not in this family. His mother's wails became louder. His father wasn't even home. His evenings were spent either shacked up somewhere with someone else, or at the bar. This was on Merle. At ten years old, he was already tall with a muscular build. His mother called him her mountain man. Well, she called him that once anyway when she was high on who knows what and drunk on a bottle of wine. Made him feel proud that he was well filled out for his age. Made him feel tough, even if his father made sure he knew that he was far from tough enough.
Merle burst into the room. The darkness, the smell of blood, the screams of his mother echoed around him. "What can I do fer ya Momma?" He asked, squatting down next to the bed by his mother's head. He was avoiding the area he needed to be, near her feet, where all of her was displayed for everyone to see. "I need you to get this bastard out of me" she screamed, gritting her teeth and pushing with all her might. "How do I do that Momma? Ain't know nothing about birthing no babies." Merle said, looking at her with frightened eyes. "Damn you!" She screamed. Merle didn't know if she was damning him or damning the baby. Hell, he figured she was probably damning them all.
"Get down there and pull the bastard out. He's stuck, he ain't coming on his own. The little bastard is killing me!" She screamed again and with her feet planted firm on the bed, the rest of her rose off the mattress. "I'll try Momma. Won't that hurt him. What if I pull too hard?" Merle went to her feet then. Nausea crept into him, seeing his mother in that position, her glory spread to the world. There was a head, just inside, wisps of blonde hair. "Fuck him!" His mother yelled, "Pull him the fuck out." Him. His mother said him. How did she know it would be a boy? Merle reached in slightly, having seen farm animals birthing and witnessing a farmer reach into a birthing heifer. His mother screamed again, he didn't stop, then found what he hoped was not the baby's neck and pulled a little. The baby was slippery but did move forward with his hand. His mother did the rest, screaming and pushing, blood was flowing, and other fluid shot forward onto the ten-year old's hand. The baby came out then, skinny and pale covered in fluid. The baby was quiet, unmoving. No crying was heard, no movement of the body. Just a limp pale thing. Merle picked it up from where it had slipped onto the bed and set it quickly onto his mother. "No, you dumb ass, get a towel or something. It needs rubbed down." His mother said, sliding the baby off her and back onto the bed. Merle ran to do as his mother asked, not able to find a clean towel he grabbed a t-shirt and handed it to his mother. "I said you do it." His mother hissed as he tried to hand her the shirt. "Momma, it ain't movin. I think it's dead, I probably broke it's neck or something pulling it like that." Merle said as he picked up the infant and began rubbing it softly. "You have to rub it hard to get that hair off it." His mother said, laying pale and frail in the darkness of the cabin. "Here, give him to me. You never could do a damn thing right." She roughly grabbed the infant from his hand and began to rub the infant all over. She had been right; it was a boy. Merle said a silent thanks for that. He still doubted it had lived and thought it better off anyway when the sound of small wailing filled the air. The baby began shrieking, its cries coming in short bursts as his mother continued to roughly wipe away the muck that covered his little brother. It was then Merle realized, when those cries echoed around the cabin, his heart came to life and a fierce protective instinct stirred within him. "You're hurting him Ma, you don't gotta be so rough with him. Give em here." His mother scoffed at him. "And just what are you gonna do there, you worthless boy. You gonna put him to your breast and feed him?" His mother glared at him as he looked down embarrassed by the thought of this child suckling his mother's breast. "I didn't think so. Go get some buckets of water and get this t-shirt clean. Awful fucking dumb to grab one of your daddy's shirts." She put the child to her breast and the cries stopped instantly. All that could be heard was his mother's heavy breathing and small suckling noises made by the unwanted infant. Merle wondered what they would name him. He hoped it would be a strong name. This child would have to be tough as nails to survive the world he was just born into. A world of moonshine and pills and belts and pain.