Bill Cipher was ecstatic. Today was the very first day of summer, which ment the Pines twins (generation two) would be arriving in Gravity Falls today. Why did that matter to him? Mabel Pines was one of the Pines twins, and Mabel was Bill's favorite person in the world. Bill was half-certain Mabel Pines was the favorite person of everyone she had ever met. Well, not everyone, of course, but at least most people. If one were to think about it, they would realize Bill and Mabel weren't all that different from one another. They were both eccentric nutzoids with a flair for the dramatic, after all.

Nutzoids indeed. Bill was laying in the middle of the road, waiting for the bus from Piedmont, California to show up and give him a good reason to get out of the road.

"If Juniper were to see this, I would be in so much trouble right now." Bill thought mischievously, his eyes gleaming playfully in the midday sun.

Then he heard voices. Not loud voices, but he heard them. He got up and walked over onto the grass.

Sure enough, his sister and Pines twins (generation one) emerged from the woods a minute later. Unfortunately for Bill, they were on the other side of the road. Takinos, he was going to be in sooo much trouble if Dipper and Mabel didn't show up soon.

Then came the rumbling. Of a bus coming down an infrequently used road. To Bill it sounded more like freedom and a chance to spend an entire summer with Mabel Pines, sprinkle eater, sticker lover, and glitter maiac.

Then the bus stopped, they got off, and yes, he did not squeal.

Okay, maybe he did squeal.

Just a little.

Well, actually, it was a lot of squealing.

Shut up! It's not my fault! Human emotions are stupid! And yes, I was talking about myself in the third person, thank you very much.

Why? Because I'm Bill Cipher. If you're still asking questions, then obviously we haven't met. Hello! Now goodbye. Nobody likes you, strange person who knows nothing of the glorious being I like to call myself.

Are you still here? Good. That means you're aware of the glorious being I like to call myself...and how I'm not really all that glorious. Truth be told, I'm less glorious than most.

But that's beside the point! The point being? Mabel was back, baby! (She said so herself.)

Dipper (of course) was being just as annoying and logical as always. It's his eyes I hate really. Yes, I know that, in theory, Dipper's eyes shouldn't look any different from Mabel's eyes, but while Mabel's eyes are full of hugs and sunshine and rainbows, Dipper's eyes are full of PIERCING DEATH.

A word to the wise: piercing death is always bad.

Always.

No exceptions.

Okay, my eyes are full of piercing death sometimes, and I'm not all bad. Just mostly.

Well, I suppose Dipper's not all bad either.

Don't tell him I said that. If you do, I will hunt you down and make sure you die a very painful death.

Ahem. Where was I? Ah, yes. The other side of the road.

It was a very nice side of the road. I'm not sure why I didn't go there more often. I would have considered it the nicest side of the road, but, 1. Mabel wasn't over here, and 2. That might hurt the other side of the road's feelings. I'm nothing if not considerate of the feelings of roadsides.

So I walked over to the other side of the road. No, it was not particularly exciting.

Mabel squealed when she saw me. This was not a thing she did only when she saw me. Mabel squealed when she saw everyone else, too. I know this because Mabel's squeals are loud. Loud enough to be heard on the other side of the road.

It appears human beings squeal when they see other human beings that they like and haven't seen in a while.

I'll have to make note of this.

Then Mabel hugged me.

"You have a hat now." Dipper said.

It was true. I did have a hat now. It was an I'm-sorry-we-have-to-make-you-go-to-school-for-legal-reasons-please-don't-burn-the-house-down-with-your-pyrokenesis hat. It was a very nice hat. But...really, Dipper?

You see me and the first thing you notice is that I have a hat now?

Not that I got a haircut during the winter?

I mean, it has grown out considerably.

You probably wouldn't even know.

Haha!

I know something Dipper doesn't!

Well, I know a lot of things Dipper doesn't.

For instance, apples from dimension 34 taste like honey. They're sold all over the multiverse for huge sums of money.

Oh hey, that rymed!

-Bill Mason Cipher, Signing out.

Tada! There it is! Is Bill okay? He seema okay to me, but to you he could seem totally off.

-LoyalTheorist