Chapter 1: Audition
The sky is black. The land is shrouded in darkness. The wind howls, carrying the heat of distant fires burning so hot that even hours later the air is sweltering.
A lone figure stands on a precipice, gazing into the darkness below. Their frame is stooped, weary, defeated.
The sight of the world they have failed weighs heavily on their shoulders. They could have prevented this. They could have changed things. Now there is but one chance. They look behind them. A sword stands planted in the ground. At its base is a battered box with a tattered book. A memoir of their lack of power.
How few are left to find it? No doubt they have long since left this ruined world behind, those few that lived this long.
It matters not.
Only one thing left to do. One way to set things right.
They do not know if they have the strength to do it. They stare into the void, torn by the weakness of indecision. A heartfelt plea is whispered on the wind, though it has no intended recipient.
"I want to die."
An answer comes. They do not comprehend it. They let their despair carry through the air.
Time is up.
Nowhere to go but back.
You know, before today, if you were to ask me: "Hey Ben, what's your life like?" I'd say "pretty boring". I work at a Walmart, play the saxophone, sing in a choir, and spend a shitload of time gaming. A whole lot of average stuff that nobody would ever look twice at. When you consider that I'm well into my twenties, you'd probably even change that assessment to 'below average'.
Then today happened and suddenly my life is completely fucked. Long story short I've travelled back in time. Don't ask me how it happened because I don't know. One second I'm lounging on the couch grinding my Pokémon, the next I'm in the middle of a fucking renaissance fair. There might have been some sort of acid trip in the middle, but as somebody who's never touched drugs in their life I have no way of knowing for sure, so I'm just trying to forget that part.
I've been wandering around for at least an hour now, trying to figure out where I am, but all anybody has been willing to tell me is "South." South of what, I don't know, I'm dressed in my regular future clothes, so everyone seems to think I'm some kind of nutjob. It's one thing to be thankful for at least, not having to wear the crappy medieval peasant clothes. That shit looks scratchy as hell. What's more, whoever orchestrated this little time warp also had the good sense to give me my coat and boots, so I'm not running around in my bare feet.
Very polite of whatever cosmic force dumped me here. Ten outta ten, would travel again.
Hear that, cosmic forces? Take me home please!
I pinch myself again to confirm for the like, fiftieth time now that I'm not dreaming and wince. My arm is starting to bruise from how often I've done this. Not that I really think I'm dreaming. I heard once that when you dream your brain doesn't actually question what's happening. It just takes everything in stride. And I am questioning everything.
"Seriously, where the fuck am I?" I yell out loud to prove my point.
"South town." An old lady yells out the window of her house. "Now will you stop pacing around out there, you're scaring my grandkids!"
"South of fucking WHAT TOWN!?" I bellow at her.
She takes my bullshit in stride, thankfully. "You daft or something boy? This is Southtown. The biggest trade town in southern Ylisse. You some kind of crazy?"
I gape at the woman for several long seconds. "Apparently." I gape a few seconds longer at her, before marching down the street, yelling over my shoulder. "Thank you kindly!"
"If you're going to leave, do it quickly! I don't like you!" She screeches after me.
"Charming." I mutter.
So, I'm in Southtown. In Ylisse. Which is a country in fucking Fire Emblem. I look around in search of something to confirm this, but it looks like any normal medieval town. So really unless a wyvern comes flying through or I start to see that prologue chapter happen with Chrom and friends I have no way of knowing for sure if that lady was telling the truth.
Maybe she was just crazy in exactly the right way to make me think that I'm in a video game? That could happen right?
Yeah no, I'm definitely about to get hacked apart by bandits. Not how I thought I'd go out. Always figured I'd get a heart attack from the metric fuckton of junk food I eat on a regular basis.
"Welp, if I am in a game, might as well go where the action's going to be." I mutter to myself. "Where's that fucking church at."
It doesn't take me long to find my way around once I've realized where I am. The church is at the center of town, across the river from the market. And the river is not hard to spot. With a few notable exceptions I have a pretty good sense of direction, and unlike my world, Southtown seems to abhor stupid looping roads that don't go anywhere. When people can't use cars to get everywhere there's a lot more focus on convenient infrastructure, apparently. Nobody wants trouble accessing the river in a world without plumbing.
Fucking hell there's no plumbing here I need to get home fast.
The market is bustling when I finally find it, which is a good sign as far as I'm concerned. I have no desire to get caught up in a fight, I'm mostly just here to confirm things. That said, I have no real wish to be caught with my pants down when the bandits do arrive…
What I need is a good vantage point. I spot a couple buildings on the west side of the square that have sturdy looking roofs, so I slip around to that end and hop up onto one by stacking some crates. It looks to be an inn of some kind, though I can't really read the language here. Fucking fantasy worlds always need to make up their own letters just so they can say they're legit. Anyways, it takes some doing, but I manage to wriggle my way onto the roof of the two story building with a whole lot of trouble.
Nothing to do now but wait. And catch my fucking breath.
I don't have my phone with me, so it's hard to say how long I've been on that roof before the bandits show up. It's probably been at least an hour though. Luckily for everyone down below, they get plenty of warning. A few good Samaritans come running into the square screaming about the impending bandits, and everyone starts to scatter. Most make their way across the river to hide in the church, though some bar themselves in the nearest homes.
I make sure to duck my head low when the bandits finally show themselves, though I hear them coming long before that. A pack of ugly, snarling idiots, kicking wagons over, lighting things on fire, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. A few of them scatter to the nearby houses and start hacking at doors, but most head for the church.
So far it's all according to script. All I have to do now is wait and see if Chrom shows up to rout the enemy. And then…
"Hmm…" I muse, "I don't really have a plan for what the fuck to do, do I?"
Whether I'm stuck in the plot or not, I really don't have a clue what to do after this. I still need to find a way back home. While stuck in an uncertain world with no idea what waits around the corner.
There's a way to fix some of this… but I really don't want to do it. I have no interest in involving myself in a game story with permadeath, especially without a reset button handy. I have no training to speak of, after all. Just a few years of taekwondo from when I was a teenager, and a complete lack of empathy for like, 95% of the human race. That last one might come in handy, but I don't really like to dwell on that particular dysfunction of mine.
On the other hand, one of the bandits is right below me, and seems to have a rather troubling interest in the women holed up across the street. And that just sets off some rather personal issues of mine.
I have no weapons, but I'm six feet tall and more than two hundred pounds. A lot of that weight is muscle, but probably not enough to take on a guy who makes his living killing people. "Because these aren't really bandits, they're trained soldiers playing pretend." I mutter aloud.
The not-bandit is hacking at the door with a pretty fucking repulsive leer on his face, and he's almost through. I measure the distance between him and my roof. The street is narrow, but still I'm going to need one hell of a jump if I'm going to get an assist from gravity like I want. Maybe I can ambush him once he's in there? But I really don't want to give him a chance to put his hands on anybody. Should I take a run at it?
Oh wait. The stupid fucker is backing up. I guess he just wants to charge through what's left of the door in one go? He's clearly an impatient dumbass, but right now I'm not complaining.
The guy licks his lips and chuckles as he takes his position. He actually stamps his foot on the ground like a fucking bull. He lowers his head, raises his arm, and takes exactly two steps before I land feet first on his head.
He hits the ground harder than I do, and that's saying something. His head hits the ground with a very loud crack, before my weight carries me forward and I roll across the street. My head swims as it rolls against the cobblestones, and I hit the wall of the house the dumbass was breaking into hard.
"Ow fuck. What the fuck was I thinking?" I grimace as I haul my fat ass off the ground. "I could have broken my fucking neck doing… that." I pause as I look over at the guy I landed on. "Yeah… just like that. Fuck, okay."
Well shit, I guess I killed a dude. I mean, that was the intention, you don't jump on a guy's head from the second story of a building unless you're out for blood, but wow. I just… killed somebody.
I look over at the door next to me. It's ready to collapse. Right. That wasn't a person. That was a monster. Barely human. Or all too human. Not sure where my mood falls on that particular philosophical debate at the moment. Better to just push that aside for now.
I peer in through the hole in the door. "Everyone all right in the- WHOA SHIT!" I lurch back as a fire poker nearly takes my eye out. "HOLY FUCK, I'M FRIENDLY, JACKASS."
I hear a few voices muttering on the other side of the door, and compose myself. "Okay, we're going to try this again. I'm going to approach the door, and I'm going to ask if you're alright now that the bandit is dead. And then we're going to proceed from there, alright?"
I wave a hand in front of the door, then stick my head out again. "Okay, you all doing fine in here?"
The poker is being held by a woman in her forties or so with a fierce look on her face. Behind her are an elderly couple, two children, and a young man with an arm in a sling. The man's holding a table leg, but the woman is clearly the one to be reckoned with. "Who are you?"
"Just a passerby who really hates people like that." I shrug, before looking to the man. "You pick a fight with these guys?"
"Got kicked by a horse last week." He replies dourly.
"Oof. Bad timing there." I wince sympathetically. "Alright, well you all seem okay, so I'm going to go do something stupid. Probably get myself killed. You guys just stay put and gouge the eyes out of any dumbasses who try to bust in, alright?"
"What!?" The woman cries out in shock as I walk over to the bandit I killed. "You can't be meaning to fight them all on your own?"
"Fuck, I hope not." I wince as I pick up the axe the man was using. "I don't have any more stupid tricks to play, so that would end poorly. I'll see if I can't get at least one or two more though."
"Don't be a hero, young man! There's no need to throw your life away!" The old man calls out.
"I'm not a hero. I just hate people like this." I grab the man's coin purse, muttering under my breath, "Waste not, want not."
"Don't do it!" The woman calls after me as I set down the road.
"Wish I could follow that advice." I say to myself. "Unfortunately, the only path I can take with predictable outcomes involves getting noticed by the right people."
It's not as hopeless as it might seem. I have a weapon now, one that requires very little finesse to use. And while I've never been what anyone would call 'in shape', I have a lot of raw muscle. As long as I can manage to hit somebody, they're going to go down.
The tricky part is going to be making sure I get that hit off.
I look out over the marketplace. There's two guys way down the road from me, both too busy with the house they're breaking into to pay me any mind. The rest are still across the bridge. I imagine they'll stay there, trying to get into the church until the Shepherds arrive and catch their eye. So if I can sneak around them, I can ambush, take one down immediately, and then only contend with one.
"What the Hell? RODNEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YA?" I blink, and turn. Two bandits, one with a sword, the other with an axe, both weapons dripping with gore. They're staring at the man I killed in shock, but I have all of two seconds before they turn their attention to me.
There were more straggling behind. Why did I not consider that? What the fuck was I thinking? This may be the prologue scenario, but it's not a real fucking game! Who says reinforcements can't show up? Why would all the bandits move together? They're pillaging, there's no fucking order to what they're doing!
"I'LL GUT YOU FOR THAT YOU FAT SHIT!"
Great, now I've wasted my two seconds berating myself, and my feelings are hurt. I know he's grieving his asshole rapist wannabe friend, but does he have to pick at my insecurities like that? "I'm suddenly not feeling this whole bandit-killing thing anymore." I grumble to myself. "Did he have to fucking go there?"
This is not a good time, brain! Holy fuck don't do this right now, I know you have some issues to work through but we can't do that if our head gets cleaved open! Let's channel that depression into something more productive, like hate!
The two bandits start running at me yelling, and I take a moment to work myself up. Okay, it's fine. They're coming to kill you, no big deal. You're not sad they called you fat. You're pissed. They're not people, they're monsters wearing human skin, and you hate them. You hate their shitty murdering guts and you want them to die. Kill them, fuck them up, rip them to fucking piecesgutthemhackthemapartgokillhateHATETHEM.
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" I bellow at the top of my lungs and rush to meet them. The yell proves to be very important, since my time singing and playing different instruments over the years has given me fucking ridiculous lung power. When I hit top volume I run serious risk of deafening myself, something that I know from my rather troubled teenage years.
When I yell at them, it's loud enough that the guy in the back, the one with the axe, trips in shock. The swordsman winces, but continues undeterred.
It probably only takes like two seconds before we reach each other, but it feels so much longer than that. I gauge the timing pretty well, and swing the axe two handed into the guy's neck. The intimidation factor clearly worked well, since his blow misses my body completely. I rip the axe out and turn to face the other fucker, who's practically on top of me. I step forward to swing at him and-
My leg gives out. Which is actually a good thing, since I manage to collapse under a blow that would probably have decapitated me. But I'm also not standing, which means I'm in a shitload of trouble. What the fuck happened?
Oh. Oh fuck that sword got me after all, apparently. My jeans are slashed open, and my thigh is bleeding all over the fucking place. That'll be fatal if it's not looked at soon. Oh well, gotta not die before I can work on not dying. I'm in a fight!
The prick with the axe is overbalancing, having expected a nice squishy neck to stop his swing, so I put as much strength as I can into a low swing that nearly takes his foot off. It's taking all my fortitude not to stop and shudder at that one. What is it about foot injuries that freaks me out? It's like those nasty surgery shows on TV my dad always watches, it's cringy as fuck.
The dude falls back with a scream, and I fall on him more than swing, sticking the axe in his chest. He stares down in horror for a moment, raising his hands to the wound, before passing out from shock. It'll probably take a while before the wound kills him, since his ribcage did its job and stopped me hitting anything vital.
I study the axe I was using before deciding to just grab the one from my most recent victim. I use it as a crutch and haul myself to my feet. Yeah, I'm not moving anywhere now, my leg is fucked. I think I'm done for the day. Just as well, I've been getting by so far on luck more than anything, and I've never had an abundance of good luck in life. Maybe I'll see if that group from before can stop me from dying-
"LOOK OUT!"
I whirl around in alarm, bringing my axe up. Turns out my luck isn't quite gone yet, since that stops a blow that would have ripped my chest open. It's the bandits I had been eyeing earlier. Right, they probably heard me yelling and ran over here. Guess I can't quit yet…
Oh.
I'm… not standing anymore. I'm actually crumpled against the inn.
I guess when I blocked the guy he actually sent me flying? Nothing else would explain this.
My vision's swimming.
The guy who hit me is advancing with pretty clear intentions. Behind him I can see his buddy at the house from earlier. He's dodging the poker while trying to get through the door. The lady must have been the one to warn me. Nice of her.
The house looks like it's a million miles away from here. Thankfully the guy seems to be afraid of that woman, because he's running like crazy. Can't blame him, I wouldn't want to fight her either.
Well at least they'll be alright.
I'm going to die though. That sucks.
I don't want to die.
The bandit raises his arm to swing. He has eyes only for me.
He doesn't even see the knight on horseback.
Hell, I barely see him. One second there's a bandit about to split my skull, then for a brief instant, his body twists as a lance runs through his neck. The horse towers over him, and the knight… well I don't have the energy to lift my eyes and see him. His feet are impressive though. Very shiny. They stay in front of my for just a brief moment but the image is burned into my mind. Then both he and the bandit are gone.
A very impressive man with a cape and a fancy sword rushes into view behind them. He looks at me with a mixture of horror and relief, "Gods, he's still alive. Lissa!"
"I've got him!" A teenage girl with pigtails and a staff suddenly fills my view. "You're going to be alright big guy!"
"Oh good." I mumble. "I was getting pretty fucking worried."
"Don't talk, save your strength!" She orders sternly. I don't feel much like arguing with her… until the wires in my brain seem to connect properly.
"Oh hey, you're Lissa." I mumble. "The Shepherds. That's cool. Did I pass?"
She blinks in confusion. Says something. I don't really hear her.
Hope she says yes though. I really don't want to audition again.