Charm Offensive: Collection One
Charm Offensive #1
"You guys have to see this!" Yang ran into the room waving something around in the air. "It's hilarious."
"What is?" Ruby glanced up from her homework. As much as she liked Weiss, the other girl was a tyrant. When she saw what Yang was holding, she couldn't help herself. She laughed… and laughed… and laughed.
"What's so funny – no!" Weiss shot to her feet. "Winter said she wouldn't make those!"
Yang snickered and waved the plush Weiss around in the air. "Winter, huh? Isn't that your sister? Whatever." She grabbed a chair and sat down at the table, using her hands to make the plush toy walk back and forth. "Oh, look at me, I'm Weiss, and I'm a stupid head."
"You've got that all wrong," Blake said, taking the plush toy. "It's more like this." She cleared her throat. "Look at me, I'm Weiss, and I think I'm the best in whole wide world."
Weiss made another grab for the toy, but Blake flipped away, tossing it to Yang who then passed it to Ruby.
"Go on Ruby, give it a shot."
Ruby looked at Weiss. The other girl gave Ruby her best glare. It was a pity, then, that Ruby had never been all that intimidated by Weiss's glare. If anything it made her look, well, kind of hot. "
I guess." She grinned. "I know…" She made the toy skip along the table. "I'm Weiss, and I never share my cookies with Ruby even though I know she likes them. I just eat them in front of her and – gah!"
Completely abandoning any attempt at preserving her dignity, Weiss leapt over the table and tackled Ruby. After a brief scuffle, she got back up with the toy in her hands.
"That's enough of that." Weiss scowled. "I don't know where you got that, Yang…"
"Oh, I'll show you where I got it." Yang tossed a catalogue at Weiss. It was from the largest toy store in Vale. "Apparently, it's your company's new PR strategy. What better way to win people over than to put a Huntress Weiss doll in every home?"
"What?" Weiss picked up the catalogue. This had to be a lie. Not even her father and sister could be that evil – no! It wasn't a lie. There, in full colour on a double page spread, were the Weiss dolls. As in multiple dolls. There was Princess Weiss, Huntress Weiss, and even Heiress Weiss. The first one had her wearing an elaborate ball gown, the second had her in her usual outfit, and the third had her in a business outfit. "Those… those… jerks!"
As Weiss stomped off, no doubt to send a message straight to her father and sister, Ruby picked up the catalogue. "Hey, Yang…"
"Yeah?"
"They're not out of stock, are they?"
Yang chuckled. "Relax, I reserved you one of each."
"You are the best big sister ever."
X X X
Charm Offensive #2
Pyrrha liked to think that she was a nice person. She did her best to be polite, considerate, and helpful. And she was always there for her team, whether it was with some extra study sessions or to pummel anyone who was picking on them. But even she had her limits.
When she got back from practice and saw Jaune waving around a Princess Weiss plush toy and cooing about how wonderful it was, there was a part of her that thought it was adorable. Jaune had a certain… quirkiness about him.
However, a much larger part of her wanted to grab that plush toy and throw it out the window. It wasn't fair. Anyone with half a brain could see that he wasn't going to get anywhere with Weiss. It wasn't even his fault either. If Weiss and Ruby didn't already have something going on (and she had her suspicions about that), it wouldn't be long before they did.
Why couldn't Jaune see how much she liked him?
Oh, whom was she kidding? Jaune might have had a lot of fine qualities (kind, friendly, determined, handsome… the list went on), but even she could see that he had the romantic awareness of a rock. Short of throwing herself at him naked – an idea that she was starting to entertain more and more frequently – he probably would continue to remain completely oblivious to the fact that she liked him, as in liked him.
Still, perhaps there was something she could do. Cereals weren't the only thing those tournaments were good for.
X X X
"No, I think the Princess Weiss one is the best," Jaune said.
"No way!" Ruby brandished her Huntress Weiss plush toy. "This one is definitely the best."
"Ruby, we see her in that outfit every day."
"But it even comes with authentic weapons!" Ruby shoved the miniature Myrtenaster at him. "See! See!"
"Uh… yeah. By the way, why is your plush toy's rapier glowing? I've got a Huntress Weiss, and mine doesn't have a glowing rapier."
"Oh, that?" Ruby cackled. "Well, I might have done a tiny bit of modification to mine. I mean the original was nice and all – they did a really good job getting all the details right – but I thought I'd spice it up a little. I might have asked Weiss to show me the real Myrtenaster, so that I could hook some Dust up to the mini version."
Jaune froze. "That thing has Dust?"
"Yep!" Ruby held up the Weiss toy and moved its arm around. A little bolt of electricity shot from the tip of its mini Myrtentaster. "Cool, right?"
"No, it's pretty scary." Jaune looked over his shoulder at her as he opened the door of his dorm room. "Anyway -"
"Hey, what's that?" Ruby pointed past him.
"What's what?" Jaune turned. "Hey… is that… yeah, it's a Pyrrha plush toy." He walked over to the plush toy in question. There was no mistaking the vibrant red hair and sparkling green eyes. This was definitely a plush toy of his teammate. "I didn't know they had these."
"Neither did I." Ruby tilted her head to one side. "Maybe they made it to commemorate her winning all those tournaments."
"But where did it come from?" Jaune asked.
Ruby sighed. Jaune and Pyrrha were her friends, but they really needed to get it together. Pyrrha needed to just come out and tell Jaune how she felt, and Jaune needed to get a clue.
"Maybe Pyrrha gave it to you."
"Yeah, she's nice like that." Jaune grinned and picked up the plush toy. "Anyway, thanks for coming over to help me with my weapon design homework."
"It's no biggie." Ruby smiled. "You know how I feel about weapons…"
"The more the merrier, and the bigger the property damage the better."
"Yep."
X X X
When Pyrrha got back from sparring with Blake and Yang, she was a little surprised to find Ruby in the dorm room with Jaune. However, it only took her a moment to understand why Ruby was there. Weapon design was something that the other girl excelled in. It still amazed Pyrrha that Ruby had been able to put together Crescent Rose at such a young age.
But what really caught her attention was the plush toy sitting in Jaune's lap while the pair studied. It was the plush toy of her.
A smile crept across her face.
"Hey, back from sparring?" Jaune asked. "Did you kick Yang's ass?"
"Hey, nobody kicks my big sister's ass!" Ruby said.
"Oh, we had some good matches. Both she and Blake are very skilled."
"Cool." Jaune tilted his head to one side. "Did something else happen? You've got a really big smile on your face?"
"Do I?" Pyrrha shrugged. "I suppose I'm just having a good day."
"Oh, by the way, thanks for the plush toy." Jaune held up the Pyrrha plush toy. "It's great."
"It's all right, I thought you might like it." And if Pyrrha skipped all the way to the shower, it was simply a coincidence.
X X X
Charm Offensive #3
Blake had enjoyed a few laughs at Weiss's expense after Yang had brought in a plush toy of the other girl. Well, maybe it had been more than a few laughs. Okay, she'd spent at least ten minutes pointing and laughing before going out and buying one of those obnoxious toys (an Heiress Weiss because even Blake had to admit that Weiss looked good when she was dressed for success) so that she could continue to poke fun at Weiss.
It wasn't that she hated Weiss or anything like that. Weiss had more than earned her trust. In fact, Blake wouldn't think twice before putting her life in Weiss's hands, and the heiress had actually put her life in Blake's hands several times already. Team RWBY was a team – a real team – and she had a feeling it wouldn't be long before they were a family (if only because Ruby and Weiss were about an inch from starting something and the looks Yang gave her sometimes left her in little doubt about what the blonde wanted).
But as much as she trusted Weiss, Blake was also wary of her. The heiress was not one to suffer insults lightly. Sooner or later, Weiss was going to try and get her back. It was simply a matter of keeping on her toes until the danger had passed.
Naturally, when she walked into their dorm room to find Weiss sitting on her bed and cackling, Blake was immediately on her guard. Weiss cackling was never a good sign.
"Oh, there you are Blake." Weiss smiled. It was, Blake thought, a terrifyingly evil smile. "Why don't you have a seat?" She patted the bed beside her.
"I think I'll stand." Blake's eyes narrowed, and she took a quick glance around the room. She couldn't see any traps or hidden cameras. "So, what's got you in such a good mood?"
"Well, if you must know…" Weiss smirked. "After seeing my family's attempt to win over the public by making toys of me, the White Fang has decided to respond in kind."
"Seriously? You're saying that some of the most cold-blooded terrorists in the world released plush toys just because your family did?" Blake scoffed. "That's a good one. But try something else."
"Don't underestimate the power of plush toys." Weiss bared her teeth. "I'll have you know that the Weiss line of plush toys have shot straight to number one in the world. I am, after all, the very image of elegance and beauty, so that's not surprising at all. They've become quite the little money maker for my family. But more than that, public support for my family's company is up 25%."
"No way."
"Yes, way. And the White Fang thought that maybe they could use a little extra money and public support. Of course, they don't have anyone in their ranks quite as wonderful as me, so they decided to go the cutesy route." Weiss reached behind her back and pulled out a plush toy. "Does this look familiar?"
Blake gasped. That plush toy… there was no way…
"Yes, I thought you'd recognise it."
"That's… that's modelled on me when I was a child." Blake stared at the toy. It had her hair and her eyes, and it even had her cat ears. At least it wasn't wearing the same outfit as she was, otherwise there would have been no mistaking who it was modelled on. "Where did you even get that?"
"The White Fang are terrorists, so they can't sell these toys themselves. However, one of my family's investigators was able to work his way through the maze of shell companies responsible for producing this toy, all the way back to the White Fang. It won't stand up in court, of course, so we can't get these pulled off the shelves, but I just thought you'd like to know."
Blake glared at the toy with helpless rage. This was… this was crazy. Had the whole world gone insane? And where had they even found a picture of her to… Adam. It must have been him. They'd been together since they were kids, and he still had a few pictures of her from back then.
Weiss smiled and left the toy on Blake's bed, standing up and walking to the door. "You can have that one. And, just so you know, they're selling that toy in every toy store in Vale. I think they call it 'Little Ms Kitty'."
Blake threw a pillow at the plush toy. This couldn't get any worse.
She was wrong.
Not only had Weiss bought a Little Ms Kitty toy, so had Yang, Ruby, Pyrrha, Nora, Jaune, and Velvet.
X X X
Roman was having a bad day. He was supposed to be a hardened criminal, and hardened criminals did not involve themselves in the plush toy market.
"Remind me again," he asked Cinder as he picked up one of the plush toys, which bore a startling resemblance to one of those girls that was always getting in his way. "Why are we smuggling these into Vale?"
"Because they've already generated a substantial amount of money for our cause, and with all the toy stores out of stock, we're going to make a killing selling these ones on the black market."
Roman sighed. "Whatever." He caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. "Emerald, hands off the merchandise."
The girl pouted. "Aw, come on. It's cute."
"If you want one, you buy one. No freebies."
"Damn it."
X X X
Charm Offensive #4
Blake had seen a lot of weird things over the years. It was impossible to live with a group of terrorists for years without seeing some strange stuff. But this took the cake.
"Crush, kill, destroy!"
One Weiss plush toy emerged from their room, followed by another and another. Soon, there was a small army of plush toys. Damn Ruby for buying every Weiss plush toy known to man!
"Crush, kill, destroy!"
Blake considered using Gambol Shroud to slice through the toys but decided against it. Ruby would be beyond upset if she slaughtered her collection. Besides, these weren't ordinary Weiss toys. Ruby had, for some reason, decided that equipping all of them with Dust was a good idea.
"Crush, kill, destroy!"
And now, the Weiss toys were raising their rapiers. This was bad. This was really, really bad. Her eyes narrowed. She wasn't sure what these things could do with all that Dust, but it couldn't be good. Ruby never did things halfway, and she'd probably managed to convince Weiss to give her some high quality Dust too.
So, Blake did the sensible – if cowardly – thing. She ran.
And the Weiss toys ran after her, waving their rapiers around and shooting little bolts of lightning and blasts of fire.
"Crush, kill, destroy!"
Running down the corridor at full speed, she passed Ren, who took one look at the oncoming army of Weiss toys and went back inside his room. But despite her best efforts, she couldn't seem to get away from the toys. Even flipping out of a window didn't help. They simply leapt out after her, floating to the ground and then continuing their pursuit.
How was this even happening?
Eventually, the toys managed to corner her, and Blake was left with no choice but to fight. She struck down toy after toy, Gambol Shroud flashing through the air. But there seemed to be an endless supply of them, and now she was being overrun and –
X X X
Blake woke up with a gasp. She covered her face with her hands. It was all a dream. Slowly, she sat up and took a look around. It was the middle of the night, and the others were all asleep.
Then she saw the Weiss toy sitting on the table nearby. Its head turned, and then it smiled, lifting its rapier…
"Ah!" Blake screamed.
In an instant, the others were all awake, weapons drawn and ready to kill.
"What is it?" Yang's gaze darted over the room. "What happened?"
"That thing looked at me!" Blake jabbed one finger at the toy in question.
"Oh, this thing?" Weiss picked up the toy. "Blake, it's a toy. It can't move on its own. Relax."
"I know what I saw!"
"Just go back to sleep," Weiss said.
"Fine." Blake sighed, tucking herself back into bed. "But I'm telling you it moved."
"Sure, sure." Weiss rolled her eyes. "And tomorrow an army of plush toys is going to come and kill us all."
"That would be pretty cool to see," Ruby said.
"No, it wouldn't." Blake closed her eyes. Stupid plush toys…
X X X
Weiss waited until Blake was asleep before creeping out of bed. Okay, what she was about to do was probably a bit mean, but… it would be hilarious. She picked up the plush toy and snuck over to Blake's bed, propping the toy up on Blake's pillow so that it would be the first thing she saw when she woke up.
The next morning…
"Ah!" Blake fell out of bed, swiping frantically at the plush toy. "Get it away from me!"
As Yang and Ruby tried to convince Blake that the toy was not, in fact, possessed by demons, Weiss tried to keep a straight face. She failed miserably.
"Weiss…" Blake stomped toward her, hands already strangling the air. "Get over here!"
Weiss stopped cackling long enough to make a break for the door. She never made it. Gambol Shroud shot out, wrapping around her ankle and dragging her back.
"So, you thought that was funny, huh?" Blake's eye twitched. "Well, I don't."
Weiss held up both hands. "Blake, I know you're mad, but we can talk about this – gah!"
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I don't own RWBY, and I'm not making any money off of this.
If you follow my Tumblr, you've probably seen these already since I post them one at a time over there before gathering a few of them together and posting them over here.
So, why am I writing about plush toys? Well, the answer is that I already have another story about plush toys getting out of control, but it's for Final Fantasy XIII. Anyway, I was working on that one when it occurred to me that it might be funny to bring the plush toy craziness over to RWBY. Hopefully, I was right. I suppose this also makes me seem a little insane since my RWBY stories vary between tragic, fluffy, smutty, and now crazy.
In any case, this story is just a bit of light-hearted fun. What better way for two opposing factions to settle their differences than by engaging in corporate warfare over the plush toy market? And what better career for Roman than plush toy smuggler? But what's next? Perhaps Beacon will release its own brand of plush toys. After all, who wouldn't want a Nora plush toy complete with working miniature grenade launcher and hammer?
I also write original fiction, mostly fantasy. You can find links to that in my profile.
As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.