Off Duty

A huge thank you to Bart415 for helping me develop this story!

Chapter One

The General of Alexandria was exhausted. The buckling gondola crossed the river and the mighty Alexandrian Castle loomed over her. She hadn't slept much in the past week and a half. It was hard to when the sparse inn beds were made of hay and the rest of the time it was the spent on the cold rigid ground under the stars. Beatrix dipped her head, watching the river ripple against the side of the small boat. Her chestnut brown hair had lost its curls and it fell flat and long around her shoulders, framing her face. Disappointment hung heavily in her chest as the familiar mossy and sloped courtyard stairs came into view. Even after such a long and tiring journey, the fourth one she had made in eleven months time, the worst part had yet to come. The soldier who had steered her across saluted faithfully as she stepped back onto true familiar territory. Nearly twelve days away, it had been too long. Beatrix reached for her duffel bag, slinging it against her back. She let out a long huff and a deep inhale, smelling the nostalgic honeysuckles that blossomed in the garden. As she began up the steps, the other soldiers also struck a salute. Beatrix hoped she didn't look too rough. But she did indeed feel rough. She tried brushing her hair from her face and straightened her back upon noticing her hunching. As she stepped on the path leading towards the Castle, she couldn't help but feel a rapid anxiety overcome her. She didn't want to do what she was about to. She could only imagine the countless number of faces awaiting her arrival in the Deliberation Room. Beatrix tried piecing it together in her mind, but she knew her idea would only evoke refusals. She blinked rapidly, noticing something relatively shiny glimmering from the doors of the Castle. She furrowed her brow to see what it was, amazed by what she realized.

It was Captain Adelbert Steiner. And it seemed his armor had been given a fresh polish, which Steiner was usually passive about. He looked sharp and spiffy, Beatrix decided, as she continued to approach him. A smile was beginning to tug at her achy muscles. In the aftermath of returning to Alexandria, to rebuilding it, and watching Garnet prosper on the throne, General Beatrix and Captain Steiner had captured something tender. It had been eleven months since the Day of Grief and together, Beatrix and Steiner had built a patient love; a forgiving love. Still dedicated to their roles in aiding the growth and healing of Alexandria, they did so now together, as a more cohesive unit. The past eleven months had been painfully difficult, but they had managed to cultivate something beautiful of it. Steiner came to meet Beatrix half way on the path and he tenderly wrapped his arms around her shoulder. After they shared the embrace, he took his bag from her, pressing a hand to her shoulder to guide her into the cool and quiet Castle. Glimmering in all its marble beauty, the Alexandrian Castle never changed with its dark century old paintings adorning the walls and statues of martyrs and past heroes crowding the perimeter. There wasn't a soul to be seen as the couple found themselves alone. Beatrix gazed up towards the surrounding balconies, but nobody was there.

"No one is aware of my arrival?" Beatrix looked to Steiner. Her flat hair and colorless face, devoid of any powder or rouge, stuck out at Steiner. He knew she was utterly exhausted, but unfortunately, she could not rest yet. Steiner only shook his head. "Her Majesty, where is she?"

"The Deliberation Room," Steiner told her, though she already knew. "She has been for the past four days… awaiting, perhaps, an early arrival." Beatrix was quiet and looked towards the stairs. She didn't know where she'd muster the energy to stumble up them. And she was exasperated to know she'd have to go back down them. All Beatrix wanted to do was curl up in her familiar bed and put her head under a pillow. Only for a little while. Her body screamed from over exertion and her mind was just as mentally tired. The past eleven months of the General's life had been subject to heavy travel and pressured thinking. The Captain hadn't had it so easy, either, responding and supporting Queen Garnet as first in command. Her transition into power hadn't been completely seamless. And restoring prosperity and faith to City of Alexandria certainly was no overnight feat. "I suppose it's safe to assume your timely return on the twelfth days means…" He stopped when he saw her dark moody eyes. Eventually she cast her eyes down.

"I've turned every stone over on the entire continent. I've sifted through every grain of sand on the beaches…" Beatrix's voice was raspy and tired. "I've sailed every sea and navigated each windy river. I've combed marshlands and climbed into caves… I've looked everywhere, Steiner."

He pursed his lips, slumping Beatrix's bag against the base of the stairs. His armor rattled as he tilted his helmet backwards. "What are you thinking?"

Beatrix could almost taste the copper twang of blood as she bit down on her lip. Saying it was hard enough. But she didn't want to have to say it twice. The very thought made her fill with shame. It burned her tongue and made bile stew in her throat. Beatrix felt like the words made her a failure. A betrayer. Like she wasn't doing everything she could. Beatrix realized her fists were clenched and she had to take a deep breath to relax. "I… I believe this was my final search, Steiner. My team and I have done everything we can. Anymore work on this mission will be futile and a waste of resources. I… I have to call it off."

Steiner nodded and absorbed her words. "So… that means…"

"Yes," Beatrix's voice almost faltered at the idea. Silence filled the front foyer. Distantly, the birds chirped beyond the window. Beatrix again tilted her head down, guilt washing over her. Her insides constricted at the thought of her next task. "Who is in the company of Her Majesty?"

"It would be easier to tell you who isn't."

"Even Tantalus?" Beatrix looked through the curtain of her hair at Steiner.

"Blank, Marcus, and Cinna," Steiner said. "Everyone was feeling hopeful you'd return with more conclusive information."

Beatrix raked her hair from her face and walked a few paces, hugging herself. "That's far too large of an audience, Steiner. I couldn't possibly fathom walking into that room and saying what I feel I have to. I cannot keep my thoughts from Her Majesty, however. I cannot keep lifting her hopes when I leave, only to return and crush any spirits she may have. It's not fair, Steiner. It's not fair to any of us."

"You are speaking from your heart," Steiner assured her. "It is in everyone's best interest to begin the phase of… of acceptance." He tilted his head down and Beatrix turned towards him.

"Steiner?" Her face seemed hurt.

"It's okay…" Steiner shook his head. "I'm fine. We all will be."

Beatrix approached him, reaching her hand out to touch his arm. "This is the last thing I wanted, Steiner. I did not want to have to come to this conclusion. But… there is nothing tangible for me to go off of. Not a single boot track. No weapons. No articles of clothes. There is no trace of him."

"I know you did everything you could," Steiner told her.

"I only hope the other's believe so as well."

…

The Deliberation Room was large and spacious. The chilly early spring light spilled into the room, making the polished floors glow and the gold framing glisten. The long chestnut brown table was occupied with several bodies. Tea pots, cups, and saucers were scattered about and the faint clanking of silver spoons to ramekins rang out as people helped themselves to sugar, honey, and cream. At the head of the table sat the Queen of Alexandria. The past eleven months had been well to Garnet. Her onyx hair tumbled down her back again, thick and full. Her brown eyes, the color of coffee, were vibrant and engaged. As Queen, she often opted for frilly button-up shirts with elaborate cuffs and collars, accented by orange skirts and red leather boots. She delicately stirred her tea, watching the honey swirl about but never truly marry with her tea. She was rapidly approaching her seventeenth birthday, but the day did little to evoke cheer from her. Sat to her left was seven year old Lady Eiko of Lindblum. Having been taken in by the Lindblum Castle had rapidly transformed the fiery and free-spirited Daughter of Madain Sari. Long past were her days of vibrant and mismatching coveralls and sweaters. Now, she was only found in tulles, silks, and velvets. Her purple hair had been trained to grow out and her bangs had been cut to part across her forehead, exposing her bright eyes and complexion. Across from the chatty Lady sat Vivi, dubbed a Knight by Captain Steiner himself. Time hadn't made much a difference on Vivi and he still delighted the group of friends with his charismatic and patient nature. Further down the table sat Freya, who had grown wise and humble with time. Always dedicated to be true to herself, the past eleven months had sent her on a journey of learning to accept who she was and reclaim and rebuild what was dear to her. As Burmecia prospered, so did the Dragoon, who now dressed in royal blue coats and hats, a sign of dignity and great respect in her kingdom. Across from Freya sat Lady Hilda, drenched in her silks of gold and silver embroideries with her shimmering gold hair and dazzling jewels. Like Lady Eiko, Lady Hilda was just as chatty, making the duo seem more related than anything. Of course, Regent Cid was by her side in his red velvet coat and puffy sleeves, preoccupied with making his tea. Opposite of Dagger sat Cinna, Marcus, and Blank, quiet and disinterested in their tea.

"Garnet, darling, I'm telling you, you must come to Lindblum sometime before your birthday. Charlton and Co are releasing a brand new design of ball gowns. The rumor at the tea times is that crystals are hand stitched into the lace, oh, it sounds so divine. A fresh dress is a must for your birthday ball," Lady Hilda said, uncaring of anyone's opinion at the table. She spoke with vigor, squeezing her lemon into her tea with an energy that matched. "I imagine something green… perhaps even blue, would be best suited for you. Charlton and Co have the best fabrics, darling. Any color you choose will you make you look radiant, but be sure to get something with frill. Something that says 'birthday girl'."

"I have no need to go to Lindblum for a new dress," Garnet replied in her polite and reserved manner. "Should there be a birthday celebration, I have a dress suited just fine."

"The white one with those ivy's?" Lady Hilda arched her eyebrows. "Darling, you wore that dress for your sixteenth birthday. A Queen cannot wear a dress twice in a row. The people will believe the Castle is broke! And enough with the should-be attitude. Your birthday is a worthy celebration. There can and will be a ball for you. It is your first birthday, however, since being crowned Queen."

"We've been far too busy with other matters to consider it," Garnet told her.

"Once Beatrix returns, so will order, and planning. You certainly cannot count on your male advisor's to think of such things." Just then, the doors of the Deliberation Room swung open, revealing the stoic Captain and rather drained General. Garnet immediately came to her feet, pressing her hands to the glossy surface of the table. She became acutely aware of just how sweaty they suddenly became. "Well, speak of the Devil," Hilda said, puckering her ruby red lips.

Everyone in the room grew silent and their backs straight as they drew themselves up in anticipation as Beatrix approached the table. Her eyes were bloodshot as she gazed emptily around the table. No one dared say a thing, but they all had a feeling they were thinking the same thought. Garnet sighed and lowered her head, her hair falling over her shoulders. "Nothing this time, either, Beatrix?"

Beatrix saluted. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty… I've failed to find any sign."

"There's no goddamn way," Blank pushed his unappetizing tea away. "Why aren't me and the band allowed to go with you? We know him better than anyone else. There has to be a clue. People don't just disappear-"

"Blank…" Garnet's voice was soft, but she managed to make him stop. He was on his feet now, too. "There is no reason to be upset with Beatrix. She has been doing everything she can." The calculated Queen looked back towards her General. "Not a single sign, Beatrix? Foot tracks? Sightings from any locals of the area?"

"We have spoken to people in Conde Petie as far as Treno, Your Majesty. Nobody has seen anyone of his description."

"Did you check with Morrison in Madain Sari?" Eiko's blue eyes appeared from behind Hilda's gaudy sleeves.

"Nobody has seen him," Beatrix iterated.

"Even the Black Mages in the Village?" Vivi asked.

"I'm sorry," Beatrix said, a tensity mounting in her body. The entire return journey, this was the moment Beatrix dreaded the most. All of these eyes looking to her; she could see the hurt oozing from some, disappointment from others. Pure anger was beginning gestate within a few. But Beatrix felt powerless to change the situation. She couldn't do anything. At the end of the table, Garnet had crossed her arms over her chest, her lips tilting back and forth.

"Perhaps," Garnet finally lifted her head. "Approaching the Iifa Tree from the northern point will yield more information."

Beatrix felt her stomach nearly flop inside of her. She had served in numerous battles, a few wars, and had had blood dribbling from the edge of sword, splattering the cobblestone beneath her; but in that moment, this felt like the worst atrocity she could commit. Though everyone had found themselves in the wake of the aftermath, everybody was still fragile and incomplete. Beatrix only wanted what was best for Garnet and she felt like she was failing horrendously. Beatrix pursed her lips and found herself anxiously saluting again, as if to assuage any fear of disrespect.

"Your Majesty, as General of Alexandria and leader of search party efforts, I…" Beatrix paused for a moment. All sets of eyes were on her now. "I must do what is wise for the kingdom, for our resources, and our volunteers… I must cease the search."

"What?!" Rang out around the room.

"You can't just give up," Blank sneered. "He never gave up on any of us! That's my brother out there somewhere!"

"There must be more we can do," Freya offered. "Ways we can alleviate stresses to continue."

"I have scoured the entirety of the Outer Continent and half of the Mist Continent," Beatrix told them. "I have spoken to nearly everyone in the vicinity. I've had charcoal sketches done up of him. I've been through all the seas, lakes, even ponds, trying to find any sign. There are none. Nothing at the Iifa Tree or Madain Sari or Conde Petie… no where…"

"He had so much gear, though," Eiko protested. "You should have found something of his at the Iifa Tree!"

"There was nothing," Beatrix felt herself waning. A crushing feeling was compounding her insides. "Your Majesty… you've been silent."

Garnet shook her head, lowering her hands to her side. "You are… only ending the search because there have been no clues?"

Beatrix sighed, hunching her shoulder. "Your Majesty, I've been part of several efforts to locate survivors in the aftermath of a devastation. After so much time with no sign, the only thing left to do is to assume-"

"Don't you dare," Blank shook his head and Marcus placed a hand to his tense shoulder. "Don't you dare say the word I think you're going to."

Beatrix looked to him without any irritation or anger. She was familiar with that look. Blank was bleeding. "… Missing in action," Beatrix managed to say in a whisper.

"Missing in action, a polite and noble way to put it," Lady Hilda piped up, nodding her head.

"Zidane? Missing in action?" It still hadn't quite sank in on Vivi as he adjusted his hat.

The room had broken into lower murmurs. Cinna and Marcus had wheeled Blank backwards, trying to stuff the steam coming from his ears back in. Lady Hilda entertained a rather distressed seeming Eiko while Freya and Vivi conversed on the surprised they felt. Beatrix and Steiner, however, only watched Garnet, who still stewed in her mind. It had become quite characteristic of the Queen to withdraw into herself. While she had never been the loud or chatty type, it seemed she had more freewill in previous years. Now, Garnet thought thoroughly and wholly before she spoke. And sometimes, she did not speak at all. The General sometimes missed a brash and emotional Queen. At least she would know where she stood. Sometimes it was hard to gauge whether Garnet was pleased or simply being passive for the sake of her mental anguish. Garnet was prone to bouts of depression. Doctor Tot often assured Beatrix and Steiner it was mostly seasonal. But everyone knew Garnet was bleeding in the aftermath. Not having him there every day was a painful reminder of what had happened and it only accentuated all that she lost.

"I can't believe this," Blank shook his head, pacing away from the table. He paused and glanced over the others in the room. "Like I said, people don't just disappear."

"Bro, she's done everything she can," Marcus told him.

"But we can't give up on him!" Blank threw his arms at his side before slamming his hands to the tabletop. "Dagger, say something!"

Garnet gazed down the table, pursing her lips. She didn't blame Blank's feelings at all. In a way, she wished she could explode, too. Nothing but disappointment and utter devastation hung to her thin frame that she wished she could simply shake away. But that was impossible. What she so dearly didn't want to be facts were becoming a true reality. And the faces at the table all shared in the same union of emotion. Garnet lowered her head. She couldn't expect Beatrix to continue traveling the world as she had. Especially when there hadn't been any hopeful leads. But Garnet shared the sentiments of Blank. He never gave up on any of them. He would go to every corner of the world if it meant finding them. But after eleven months of no signs, not even a single boot mark that matched his, maybe they were only holding onto false hope. Maybe they were only tricking themselves and doing more damage in the long run. Garnet felt so ashamed of herself even thinking it.

"For now…" Garnet said slowly. "We shall suspend the searches. Perhaps a break to clear our minds may aid in future searches. At least for… closure."

"Closure?" Blank echoed, almost incredulously. "Dagger, you seriously can't believe he is dead!"

The four letter word hurt Garnet. She nearly physically cringed at the thought. There was no way she could believe it, she thought to herself. It seemed impossible in the long list of things that he was: charismatic, free-spirited, inquisitive, understanding… she couldn't allow herself for a moment to believe his life had met a painstaking end. It seemed so wrong, so unfitting, especially for someone like him, who deserved everything in the world just for being himself.

"It does not matter what I believe," Garnet's soft melodious voice carried through the tall vaulted ceilings of the room. "But for the time being… this is the call that has to be made, Blank."

"You've got to be kidding me!"

Again, Marcus pressed his hand to Blank's tense shoulder. "They've done everything they can right now, Blank…"

Still, Blank's hard face stared down the table at the Queen, his nostrils nearly flared. "He's out there somewhere. We all know it!"

Garnet wanted to believe that so desperately.

…

The nocturnal creatures chirped together in unison that cool spring night. The windows of the royal chamber were open and Garnet found herself at her vanity, gingerly brushing through her thick onyx locks. She sighed as she unclipped the pendant from her neck. She turned the faceted jewel in her hand over and over before sighing again and setting it aside. She fidgeted with her brush, running her fingers along the dainty engravings meant to resemble tangled rose vines. In the reflection of the mirror, all she could focus on was the emptiness of the room behind her. Nights like these made the Queen feel so lonely. But she was unmotivated to do anything about it. She reached across the vanity, tenderly opening a gleaming chestnut box. A slender figurine appeared. She was wearing a flowing white gown that twirled outward as it began rotating in circles. A gentle lullaby accompanied it. Her father had given it to her as a young child, not long before his passing. As the lullaby crooned out, the Queen began to lose herself in thought as she continued with an absent mind combing through her hair.

Garnet still thought about Blank earlier that day. He was nearly the embodiment of her own feelings. The last eleven months of being Queen had changed Garnet, as much as she didn't want to admit it. She almost felt bad she had lost the accent she had been taught. 'Alrighty' was not the first word on the tip of her tongue any longer. Thousands of people counted on her. She felt it was in her best interest to reduce her feelings and try to think more objectively. But in many ways, she feared she came off as insincere. She knew in heart, however, that her friends understood. Garnet wanted nothing more than a positive outcome to the tireless searches and poring over world maps. But after so many months, the emotional wear was becoming taxing. She paused from brushing her hair, turning her attention towards the cluster of stars just beyond her window. As she came towards it, the sheer curtains brushed against her arms, making goosebumps pucker up.

"Zidane…" She whispered, as she gazed towards the vast never-ending sky. "Where are you? Give me a sign. What should I do?" Only the crickets responded in jubilant waves of noises. She gripped the windowsill tightly as the cool breeze came across her cheeks. "You could not have just disappeared. That's impossible. How could someone like you cease to exist? Where have you been this entire time? You're the only thing that clouds my mind all day. I'm supposed to be working for the prosperity of my people and this throne and yet… all that I can think of is you. Please, return to me… I only wish for you to be here with us again… we aren't whole without you."

Again, only the night time noises roused and fell through her window. Garnet could only feel foolish. Every night was the same scenario. Her by her lonesome, fabricating a fake dialog to the stars and fathoms of her heart. She felt so out of sorts. Every day, she was only going through the motions, drowning herself in the guilt she felt. Some nights, she cursed herself for allowing Zidane to stay back. She dreamed endlessly of scenes where he had been forced onto the airship. The world was not the same without him.

And Garnet was not herself without Zidane.