A/N: A big thanks to Biekewieke and SirenBanshee for wanting to beta this! The story starts right after TLJ.
I'm always happy to receive comments; and if you think of a tag/warning I need to add, don't hesitate to let me know!

A/N: This was originally a one-shot I wasn't going to continue, but the muse disagreed… This first chapter is longer than the original one-shot, and has been mildly revised. Most important of all, it has been beta-ed (Force, the mistakes I made 8/ )

xXxXxXx

She said no.

She said no and they fought. Then she left. Why was he still alive? That was the question that bothered him most, something he couldn't comprehend. Why was he still alive?

He was sitting on the throne, elbows resting on his knees and hands steepled in front of his face. Hux was standing not far from him, awaiting instructions. Kylo couldn't care less. Hux was a nuisance, nothing more; he could wait.

It just didn't make any sense. She hated him, didn't she? Instinctively, he reached out, trying to find her, to find that connection that linked them. Nothing. He hadn't caught a glimpse of her for over three weeks. He knew she was angry with him—of course she was—but how was she doing it? Was Skywalker teaching her to block him out? Had she turned to the old man for help? For some reason, the idea angered him.

Hux made a disgruntled noise and Kylo looked at him. The man paled and started to sweat, growing rigid in his attempt not to show his fear. It pleased Kylo. It pleased him to know how strong he was, how ruthless. He was fulfilling his destiny. Snoke had been holding him back. He knew that now.

He returned to his brooding. She should have killed him. The entire war would have ended had she killed him. So why was he still alive? He remembered her fierceness in the elevator, how she had simply shown up. Why? And why had anger burned him when he saw Snoke hurting her? It made no sense. She called him Ben…

With a roar, he shot up, standing and balling his fists. Weakness—he would not allow it! He was strong! He was ruthless! He needed nobody and he would rule the galaxy, with or without her! Realising his thoughts had already returned to the infuriating woman, he felt like destroying something. Instead, he turned to the man trying hard not to cower in front of him.

"What do you want?" he commanded, loving the way the man trembled. Oh, he was well aware that Hux hated him, would kill him in his sleep if he could, whatever it took. Snoke had given the man too many liberties, not enough punishments. Soon, Hux would learn the meaning of pain.

"One of the scouting crews has reported back in, sir," the ginger answered. "They think they found a lead."

Kylo slowly walked up to him. "They think they found a lead?"

Hux swallowed. "It seems a large number of children, handlers of the Fathiers, have disappeared at Canto Bight, Cantonica. Around the same time, an old YT-1300 freighter was spotted. From descriptions, they believe it was the Millenium Falcon."

"Was?"

"Sir?"

"Is the Falcon still there?"

"Uhm, no, sir; it has moved on."

Kylo Force-pushed Hux without moving a finger or even twitching a muscle, causing him to fly through the room and crash against the door.

"I need to know where they are now!" Kylo shouted. "There's no use in knowing where they have been; they could be halfway around the galaxy by now! FIND THEM!"

Hux painfully got up. He nodded and left. Kylo didn't miss the glare the man sent his way while he pretended to accept his order respectfully. Soon, soon, he thought. He knew he needed to cement his power further before he could give Hux what he deserved.

Kylo returned to his throne. He wondered if the scouting report was correct. Picking up a bunch of children? Was that something his Rey would do? He pondered that for a while. Well, she was weak like that, caring for other people. He'd seen as much in her mind. She had even come for him, hadn't she? Was that why she let him live? Did she care about him too? But then why block their bond? Why not talk to him? Had he disappointed her?

Kylo Ren sat on his newly acquired throne and pondered. He was dark, strong, and ruthless. He needed nobody. He ruled the galaxy. Except this one girl had said no to him, and he simply couldn't fathom why.

xXxXxXx

For a long time, he stared at the white stripes that formed hyperspace. Not having found any more leads on the Rebellion's location, Kylo had decided to visit the Command Stations spread across the galaxy. With the Supremacy under repair, he had opted to confiscate the nearest Star Destroyer as his Capital ship.

It gave him a purpose and kept Hux off his back. He would let all the First Order know he was in charge now. Any action against him would be foolish and end in a slow, painful death. Word had spread quickly after he slowly Force-crushed the first officer who dared to oppose him. The act, however, had unsettled him. Gone was the rush of power, the satisfaction that usually accompanied affirming his superiority over others.

With a brisk turn, he swept off the bridge and started stalking the hallways of his Destroyer. He refused to think about that specific failure. The man had simply been so far beneath him that killing him seemed like nothing more than squishing a bug. In his brooding, he almost missed the faint smell of the ocean and the sound of crashing waves that invaded his senses.

"Rey…" he breathed.

Oh, how he longed to see her, longed to hear her, even if she would call him a monster again. She had denied him, and he needed to know why!

With all his might, he grasped the sliver of information that filtered through the bond. He felt Rey's panic, how she tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't let her. With his mind, he followed the narrow pathway. He let out a sigh when his mind finally brushed hers.

"Rey," he whispered again. "Rey." He ignored her furious attempts to close the bond. "I can't see you. Why can't I see you?"

"Go away!"

Kylo frowned at the sound of her voice. Something was wrong.

"No," he answered. "Let me see you."

He smiled as he felt her give in, release her stranglehold on the bond so she appeared in front of him. His smile faltered even quicker than it spread.

"You are crying! Why are you crying?"

Instinctively, he reached out to caress her face, to wipe away the tears. She smacked his hand away. It still baffled him that they could actually feel each other through the bond, that they could touch.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" Rey suddenly yelled at him. "This is all your fault!"

Kylo narrowed his eyes. "Yes, I know," he answered, "I'm a monster."

"That you are!" she replied vehemently. "You must be very happy to know Master Luke is dead. You must have felt the disturbance in the Force after the battle on Crait. We knew, but we still had hope he survived. He didn't! Fighting you from across the galaxy took too much out of him!" Rey furiously wiped her eyes and turned her back on him. "Go away!"

"Rey…"

He did not know what to say. He knew he should feel victorious learning about Luke's death. After all, the man had betrayed him, tried to kill him in his sleep! He had been a worthless pretender of a Jedi. Someone who hid behind ancient rules but was unable to follow them himself. Someone who was afraid of the power he possessed.

Unlike Kylo himself, who had fully embraced the Darkness. It was the only true form of power. Nothing good ever came from the Light. It was a pretty picture hiding an ugly truth underneath, nice words with no intentions. At least here, in the Dark, he could stand strong, let go of the past, and rule his own future.

Still, Rey's words left him with mixed emotions. Yes, there was satisfaction in the knowledge that his old Mentor was no more, but there was also sadness. He growled. There was still too much Light in him; killing his father had not been enough. Was it because he had failed to kill his mother as well?

Rey's pained laugh ripped him from his thoughts. "See! You don't care for anybody; you only care about power. I cannot believe I thought there was hope for you."

"I care about you." Kylo did not know where the words came from, but he knew they were true. He did care about her. He saved her from Snoke. He asked her to join him. Why had she said no? Why had she let him live? Why couldn't she see he cared for her?

Rey stared at him. "You have an odd way of showing it," she said. "Don't try to find us here; we'll be long gone before you can ever reach this place. Do not defile the island with your cursed presence."

And with that, she was gone. Kylo flinched at the sudden loss of contact. He felt adrift, as if he had lost his anchor. He clenched his eyes shut, trying to fight the pain that was trying to overwhelm him. Had she abandoned him like everybody else had?

No! No, he could not believe that. There must be some hope left? Still, the ever-present feeling of loneliness threatened to engulf him, to drag him down into the deepest pits of despair. He would not let that happen! He would fight so she would see his side of things. He would make her his.

With new determination, he strode towards the training grounds. First, he needed to blow off some steam. Regain control of his feelings. He was strong and powerful. Loneliness could hold no place in the mind of the Supreme Leader.