Chapter Nine

"Come on, Zeke, spill the details!" Weimar plead, ripping his dinner roll in half. Just beyond the windows, the rain pelted the glass and lightning lit the dark garden up. Zidane sighed as he cut into his warm steak. Around him, the soldiers laughed and chatted, coming down from their soggy day of patrol. Mullenkedheim snickered as Zidane continued eating, leaving Weimar absolutely exasperated. "Just tell me a little bit about the work, please!" Weimar continued, nearly crushing the bread in his hands. "What's it like being the Queen's Bodyguard?!"

"I genuinely would like to know," Haagen said from beside Zidane. "I've been on the force for over a decade and haven't even spent a fraction of the time you have with the Queen."

"It's nothing too exciting," Zidane replied, looking up from his dinner. Weimar leaned in, ready to absorb any word. "I just follow her around while she does her errands."

"But does she talk to you?" Weimar asked eagerly.

"Well, yeah," Zidane shrugged, reaching for his water. "Not about anything too-"

"Is she brilliant?" Weimar came further across the table. "Is her voice cute? Is she funny? What does her laugh sound like? Is she interested in anything?"

Laudo looked up from where he wrote on paper crammed between plates. "Of course she's brilliant, you moron. She's the Queen."

"Since when does being born royal make you a genius?" Weimar shot back.

"Well, the blood in her body actually surges towards her brain, unlike yours," Laudo went back to writing.

"I'm just curious what she's like," Weimar looked towards Zidane. "What does she do all day, anyway?"

"She writes a lot of letters," Zidane told him. "And she signs her name on a lot of papers."

"What does she smell like?"

Zidane pursed his lips and pushed his dinner back, standing up from the table. He glanced towards the stormy night as he went to the commons room, seating himself in the chair by the window. Through the muggy haze of slanted rain, he could see the dark glowing castle standing firm in the weather. Zidane felt so tense. Being Garnet's personal bodyguard was hard. The work was easy enough, but the worst part was looking at her. Listening to her speak, even if she was muttering to herself. She was so close, yet so far away. Zidane cursed at himself daily. How could he let this happen? He wanted so desperately to throw off his burdens, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't shake them. How could he convince himself of his pure intentions when still, he brought suffering to those around him? Steiner and Beatrix seemed to have enough on their plates and yet he forced them into this lie, this charade. He really was the reaper of sorrow, he told himself. Garland wasn't a failure like he wanted to believe. Zidane truly felt he lived up to his standards, even in the most menial ways. Every day, Zidane woke up and hoped to his deepest innards he felt ready to be himself again. But he never was. He receded into the shell that was Zeke Tisdoll and prepared himself for another day in a lie. What would it take to convince him, he often wondered. How could he prove he could be more? How could he return to his friends in one whole piece? How could he stop dwelling on the past? He pursed his lips as thunder rolled by overhead.

"Hey," He looked up to see Haagen grinning and holding a wet glass of golden ale out towards him. Zidane took it into his hands and watched as Haagen settled into a nearby chair with his own drink. "Don't let Weimar get you all worked up. I bet your job is hard and I'm guessin' you aren't at liberty to say much."

"I don't know," Zidane looked back towards the raging spring storm outside. "I'm still learning the ins and outs. I just don't have a lot to say about it, I guess."

"Makes a soldier wonder, though," Haagen said after a foamy sip of his drink. "Captain Steiner's been takin' a backseat recently."

"Yeah," Zidane shrugged, deciding to try his ale.

"I got a theory," Haagen grinned. Zidane looked to him with arched eyebrows. "Hey, I've seen a lot in my day and I know a lot about the Cap'n."

"Go on," Zidane nodded.

"Keep this hush-hush, alright?" Haagen leaned in towards Zidane. "I think General Beatrix got knocked up. Of course, Captain Steiner would be the daddy, then, so he's reducing his schedule."

"What?" Zidane cocked his head to the side. "Beatrix, a mom? I don't think so, Haagen."

"I have a son of my own," Haagen told him. "I know what a pregnant woman looks like."

"I saw her last night, she was as thin as she's always been," Zidane shook his head.

"You're too young," Haagen sat back, drinking more of his ale. "You wouldn't know what to look for to realize a woman's with child."

Zidane furrowed his brow, watching the parade of lightning strikes across the sanguine sky. Steiner and Beatrix? A baby? It all sounded ludicrous for Zidane. Beatrix was too much of an accomplished war general to ever be caught being the maternal type. And Steiner? Zidane could almost laugh at the idea of him being a father. He knew them too well. They could never be parents. Haagen was just gossiping, Zidane told himself. But it did make him wonder. Haagen had been around for quite some time. Could he really tell? Was that what Steiner's secret really was? Zidane still couldn't help but feel doubtful. A baby seemed much too crazy of an idea.

…

The next day, the rain still hadn't let up. That meant both the florist and blacksmith canceled their appointments with Garnet in the garden. Zidane was somewhat relieved to watch Garnet strike it off the to-do list. It was incredibly hard to stand at attention and listen to people plan his gravestone. He watched as Garnet looked through her agenda as they occupied a chamber where she had just finished speaking with a union of tailors and seamstresses who were upset about import taxes. Garnet seemed like she was all too familiar, and at a loss, with the situation. She looked up, gazing across the room at where Zidane stood by the wall.

"That was everything on my agenda," She told him, standing up. "For once I have an afternoon where I can choose what I would like to do."

"Well, I hope you like puzzles on a rainy day," Zidane replied evenly. It had become easier to talk to her over the past week, but he couldn't quite stop the body quivers.

"Unfortunately, there's always work to do," Garnet grinned. She collected her documents, pressing them to her chest. "The parcel delivery came this morning. I should go to my private study to see what disarray it's in. Perhaps you could help me sort the letters by matter. It's not too tedious a procedure." Zidane was quick to open the door for the Queen and together, they began up the spiraling stairs. As their feet met the polished checkered marble floors, Zidane recounted it was where they had first met. He was even wearing the same get-up. Somethings never changed, it seemed. "You know, I think I'm going to ask the maids to bring the phonograph to my private study. It's always sitting so lonely in the tea room. I think I'd get much more use of listening to music while I work."

"I heard music boosts productivity," Zidane told her. "I always wanted one as a kid."

"Oh, I need all the productivity I can get," Garnet said, looking to Zidane's tilted head as he held the next door open for her.

"I can send for it now," Zidane offered as they began down the long narrow hallway. "Maybe we'll sort faster."

Garnet laughed lightly. "Oh, Zeke, you're always so attentive. That would be most…" Suddenly, brassy bells began ringing throughout the castle and the duo came to an abrupt halt in the corridor. Zidane wasn't quite sure what the bells signified, but Garnet seemed more annoyed than concerned, so he removed his hand from the hilt of his sword. Garnet drooped and sighed, shuffling the papers against her torso. "It would seem an airship is docking."

"Wow," Zidane glanced upwards towards the clanging noise. "Quite an elaborate declaration. Were you expecting anyone?"

Garnet huffed and continued forward. Quickly, Zidane scrambled to follow her as she went on towards the private study. "I'm never expecting my Aunt Hilda. She comes for fun or when Uncle Cid is driving her up the wall. Her castle is twice the size of mine. I find it hard to believe she can't go somewhere away from him. It's always here." Together, they entered the quiet study with multiple wall-length windows, showing off the gloomy day outside. The parcel delivery was quite massive. There were several boxes wrapped delicately in brown paper and huge stacks of letters tied together with string. Zidane came to a stack, tugging at the string to see a paper requesting subsidization for an educational program.

"Is this a larger than usual delivery?" Zidane asked as, finally, the brassy bells faded away. He glanced towards the shelves to see an array of old books and several knick-knacks.

"No," Garnet told him, setting her documents on her disorganized desk. "This is quite typical. Twice a week."

"Jeez…" Zidane said, using his hunting knife to cut the string free. "How do you ever get it all done?"

"Well," Garnet came to stand across the table from Zidane. Her slender hands worked delicately at the knot on her papers. Behind her, a bolt of lightning illuminated her raven black hair. Zidane watched her for a moment, remembering the very way her body would sway as she did things. He recalled her grace that boundlessly followed her. "That's just the thing," She looked up through her dark bangs, causing Zidane's heart to rivet. "You never actually finish. You just keep going."

Zidane pulled a few papers from the stack, looking among them. "We got somethin' about education, tax breaks on traveling merchants…"

"Yes, anything with the word tax in it should have its own pile," Garnet instructed. "Education is a civilian matter, we'll just start a stack over here."

"Water pollution?"

"Civilian matter."

"Request for building permit and inspection?"

"Contracts," Garnet told him, rummaging through her own stack and sorting quietly.

"What about the packages?" Zidane asked as he began to understand the sorting method.

"Hm?" Garnet arched her eyebrows. "Oh, it's usually just dried meats, occasional fabric samples from a seamstress I never requested, or sometimes even chocolates. I wish my people didn't feel the need to send such treats. I often feel guilty receiving them."

"Well, it must mean you're doing a good job and they like you," Zidane told her, placing another contract down for a basement renovation.

"Oh, Zeke, you're too kind," Garnet said, passing another paper into the tax pile.

As Zidane lifted the next contract, he began to skim it for keywords. But the rigid handwriting stuck out at him. He slowed down, looking towards the bottom of the page. He felt his heart thundering ferociously. Please write me back. Blank. Zidane read the paragraph. It felt like it took him forever to finish it. His mouth felt dry and he glanced to Garnet who was still absorbed in sorting. He cleared his throat, but the lump didn't go away. "Is there a stack for… someone requesting a search and rescue convoy?"

Garnet looked up immediately, pausing from her task. "Let me see that," She said, reaching for it. After a moment she pursed her lips and nodded. "This one is important. It… it technically doesn't belong in a stack."

"But… isn't that the same person you're building a monument for?" Zidane asked, bile stinging the back of his throat. "Why would you go looking for him after all this time if you think he's dead?"

Garnet's face was very still as she looked to the storm come down against the castle walls. She furrowed her brow, clutching the paper in both hands. "I want to honor him but… I don't want to give up on him. It's… difficult to put into words, Zeke, I'm sorry," Garnet shook her head, gingerly setting the paper down on the table. "Have you ever lost somebody you loved?"

Zidane gripped the edge of the table, tilting his head down. "Yes."

"Then you understand the ridiculous nature of dealing with a broken heart," Garnet told him. "The unanswered questions, the unending doubt, and the repetitive nights of counting out every different scenario that could have happened but, ultimately, never will." The two were quiet for a moment, only thunder and the pelts of rain filling the room. "I'm sorry, Zeke. I shouldn't prod at your own wounds. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure they will very important to you and I know they would be proud of you and what you're doing."

"I'm sorry, too, Your Majesty," Zidane said, genuinely meaning it.

Garnet grinned lightly. "Just know, anytime something is on your mind, I'm willing to lend an ear. Especially if you have to follow me around all day." She laughed, reaching for another paper. "You probably joined the Knights of Pluto looking for some action and instead, you were glued to desk duty with the Queen."

"Well, it sure beats moping about in the rain," Zidane chuckled, continuing to sort as well.

"I think I'll open this package," Garnet said, reaching for the closest box. "Some chocolate really would lighten the mood, wouldn't you agree?" She began tugging at the tense string.

"Oh, here, let me," Zidane pulled his knife out and reached across the table. For a brief moment, their hands grazed each other. He felt like he could feel her skin through his gloves. He gave the string a pull and it snapped. Garnet finished unwrapping the rest of it.

"Ah-hah! It was chocolate. Lucky guess." Garnet smiled, opening the bright blue box to uncover molded chocolates of various marblings and colors. They gleamed in the afternoon storm. Tenderly, she plucked one from the delicate cheese cloth and was about to place it in her mouth, when footsteps and voices could be heard in the hallway. Garnet sighed, lowering the chocolate back into the box. "It seems my Aunt Hilda has found me."

"Want me to intercept them?" Zidane asked, turning for the door.

"There's honestly nothing you can do," Garnet told him, placing the box of chocolates on her desk.

A beat passed before there came a knock on the door and it opened briskly just after that. "Yoo-hoo, darling! I'm here!" Lady Hilda sung out, the white lace of her hat falling around the frame of her powdered round face. "And I've brought guests! You remember Lady Shari, don't you? And of course, we brought Liam, too!" Hilda stepped aside to allow the short plump woman and tall broad-shouldered man into the room. "Oh, what's this, darling?" Hilda clucked and gestured towards the messy table of paper. "It's well after two o'clock and you're as busy as a bee still! Do you ever take a moment to have tea and a scone, perhaps?"

"There's no time right now," Garnet told her, returning to the table and continuing with sorting. "It's a very busy time of the year, Aunt Hilda. I really wish you had sent a message beforehand. I would have had treats and refreshments prepared for your arrival."

"How could you not be expecting me?" Lady Hilda seemed somewhat offended. "The Airship Ball is only three days away. I've brought Liam so you two can color coordinate. You two will look so dashing walking down those stairs together! Cid will have no reason not to promote Liam to the piloting and testing crew!"

Zidane kept his head tilted down, busying himself with the documents.

"Come on, darling," Hilda said. "Let's send for some tea and go for a dress fitting."

"Aunt Hilda, I'm up to my elbows in work right now," Garnet replied.

"Darling," Hilda gripped her arm and leaned in so Shari and Liam could not hear. But Zidane could. He kept his eyes directed down in the shadows of his helmet. "If you'd only play nicely you wouldn't have to be the only person heading this kingdom." Garnet's face didn't even move when she said that. "Look, I see you have an assistant now. I believe this young man can be left to the devices. It won't take much time, darling, honest."

Garnet sighed and looked across the table at Zidane. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Not a problem, Your Majesty," Zidane said, turning to look at the man who had entered the room. His dark disheveled hair gleamed in the lightning strikes beyond the window. He was nearly an entire head taller than Zidane.

"Oh, good, darling, let's get to work!" Hilda whisked her from the table quickly. "I'm feeling peckish, darling. Would you mind asking the chefs to make some lamb chops and mint sauce? Oh, I'm so excited, Shari!" Hilda draped her arms around her friends shoulders. "Garnet and Liam will be the most dazzling couple there is to see at the ball!"

The door shut promptly behind them, encasing Zidane into silence. A crack of thunder rang out as he listened to their footsteps fade away. He let out a sigh, pulling his helmet off. He raked his molded hair backwards and went to the window, watching the slanted rain come down endlessly, like the sorrow that was drowning his insides. Garnet had a prospective suitor. One who was tall, dark, and handsome at that. A successful engineer it sounded like. Garnet may have missed Zidane, but he was convinced with enough time, she could love again. Especially if he was as persistent as Lady Hilda was. Zidane felt his insides tug. He could put it all to a stop that moment if he wanted to. But something inside him told him no. Maybe this Liam guy was better suited for her. He seemed smart and decent. Zidane sighed, rubbing at his face. After a moment, he put his helmet back on and slumped into a stool, continuing to miserably sort out the letters.

…

The moment the Squad Beatrix meeting was adjourned, Beatrix bolted from the barracks that sat in the opposite corner from the men's. She walked as fast as she could, doing her best to smooth her face despite its curling. She didn't look to a single guard on patrol, not even the ones who greeted her or offered her an umbrella in the dreary weather. Beatrix continued surging forward, splashing through puddles, and wetting the cuffs of her pants. She wasn't going to make it, she told herself and her knees buckled just to the left of the waterfront courtyard. She staggered to the bushes and vomited. Beatrix hoped she was out of ear shot of the soldiers in the plaza. She felt like hell and increasingly every day was desperate for relief from the coming and going symptoms. She didn't want to do this anymore, but unfortunately, she was only eleven weeks into a nearly forty-week roller coaster. Her wet hair stuck to her flushed cheeks as finally her retching stopped. She lifted her faint head, glad to see nobody was around. She hurried on through the rain, the nausea still floating after her. Beatrix barreled around a corner, running directly into Steiner.

"There you are," Steiner said, gripping her elbow. "How was the meeting?"

"Typical," Beatrix told him, edging towards their barracks.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Just fine," She replied.

"Are you sure?" Steiner furrowed his brow. "You look pale."

"I said I'm fine, dammit," Beatrix pulled herself from his touch. "I'm pregnant, not incapable, Steiner." And with that, she whirled around and raced inside, firmly shutting the door behind her.

Steiner pursed his lips and only watched the door, the rain thunking down onto his armor. Beatrix had grown incredibly emotional, rightfully so. But it still had Steiner worried for her. He knew she was exasperated and frustrated. He understood she was scared, though she'd never truly admit it. He was, too. In recent days, he wondered how this would truly affect their relationship. Steiner began his walk towards the castle, glancing to the rustling hedges in the windy spring storm. Could he and Beatrix confidently raise this child? Would Beatrix only grow to resent him? That thought scared him the most. What if she blamed him for all of this? What if this child ruins their life? Steiner shook his head at his internal conversation as he entered the castle. He removed his hat and shook it of rain before continuing up the stairs. A child was a blessing, Steiner told himself. It was proof the world wasn't all bad. How could this child possibly ruin his life? What a selfish thought, he told himself. Steiner passed Laudo, only giving him a curt nod as he brushed by and entered the private corridor. He felt so utterly direction-less as he opened the door to the private study.

Only one soldier occupied the room. They were busy neatly stacking papers and making labels per pile. They looked up when they saw the door open. Steiner glanced towards the hallway and then closed the door behind him. "Zidane? What are you doing here all by yourself? Where's Her Majesty?"

"A dress fitting with Lady Hilda and… her new boyfriend," Zidane answered with a deflated tone, moving a stack of papers to Garnet's desk.

"New boyfriend?" Steiner crossed the room. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Lady Hilda's friend's son," Zidane told him, continuing to sort and fix the parchments. "Liam, Regent Cid's star engineer. Mister Tall-Dark-and-Handsome."

"My, you certainly have green eyes for someone who didn't want Her Majesty to know your true identity."

Zidane pulled his helmet off, grounding his teeth together for a moment. On his head, his brown hair was disheveled and wild. "Well, what's wrong with you? You came in with a mopey face, too. Did Beatrix yell at you?"

"I wish it were that simple," Steiner muttered. "When will Her Majesty return?"

"Beats me," Zidane tossed his helmet on the table and continued working.

"Well, how has everything been for the past few days?"

"Nothing crazy to report," Zidane told him, keeping his eyes lowered. "Dagger finishes her agenda and that's a wrap." Steiner pursed his lips for a moment and came around the table. He also began to sort. "What'd you do on your little three day vacation?" Zidane asked, setting a paper in a stack. "Read any good books?"

"It was very relaxing," Steiner said plainly, recalling every morning awakening to retching and tears.

Zidane paused from his task, lifting his head. "Steiner, is Beatrix pregnant?"

"What?!" Steiner's cheeks began to grow red hot and he looked at Zidane with quivering hands. "What would make you ask such a thing?"

"Well, some of the guys were just kind of speculating…"

"Who?" Steiner insisted.

"I'm not namin' names," Zidane shook his head. "It just got me thinking… is that why you're taking time off? Is that why I'm here right now, sorting contracts?"

"Nonsense," Steiner told him. "There are many problems with the structure of the Knights of Pluto. I am only taking time to fine-tune our team so Squad Beatrix can stop teasing my men. Alexandria has grown. It is time we adjust accordingly."

Zidane pursed his lips. "Mhm… whatever you say, Steiner."

"Damn you," Steiner hissed. "You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, Zidane."

"Keep it down, will you?" Zidane glanced towards the door. "Dagger could be standing right on the other side. I didn't mean to offend you, jeez."

They both continued sorting for a moment, listening to the rain pelt against the glass. Finally, Steiner sighed. "Can you keep a secret?"

Zidane grinned, looking across the table at him. "Oh, you have no idea."