Gosh. This was a difficult one! Honestly, I really hated writing parts of it. Be warned, it's not a happy chapter.

Thank you for the reviews! An extra big thank you to the constant supporters MerylinnEmrys and Alymariet. And Dear author, welcome back :)

Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries

When I opened my eyes I was in my bedroom in Mystic Falls. At first glance, it was exactly the same. But with a closer look, everything was disfigured. The edges of my vision were blurred, the outer lines of every shape were crooked, wavy – like I was watching the space before me through a filter.

I sat up in the bed and swung my legs over the side. I expected to feel the resistance of the floor under them when I stood up, but there was nothing. Like I was floating in air.

Then I saw her.

The vague image saved in my memory from how she looked at the festival filled out, and it was like I hadn't forgotten what she looked like at all.

''Madeleine,'' I said, my voice croaking. ''You... where am I?'' There was a sinking feeling in my stomach when the possibility dawned on me.

''Am I dead?''

Madeleine stepped closer, her white hair luminous in the strange light that surrounded us. A look of almost pity crossed her face. ''You are in transition.''

I shook my head, refusing to believe it. ''No.'' The room before me shifted, and I caught a glimpse of a staircase behind my desk before it disappeared again. I knew what had happened. I knew it, but I didn't want it to be true.

Madeleine was watching me with her tired, but somehow still sharp, eyes. I had never heard her voice before, not like this. Never more than my name whispered in the wind.

''How are you here?'' I asked. ''How can I talk to you?''

''Someone owed me a favour,'' Madeleine replied. Her face grew serious. ''There are things you need to hear, but we are short on time. Once the transition is complete-''

''If I am in transition, I still have a choice,'' I said. ''I can choose not to go through with it.''

''My child,'' she said sadly. ''When you wake up, you will not have a choice.''

I froze. ''What do you mean?''

Madeleine clasped her hands together, looking angrily at something I couldn't see. ''She made certain you would turn. It is inevitable, now.''

Inevitable. It couldn't be.

Her voice cut through the loud ringing in my ears.

''I am truly sorry.''

So I was dead. And I would wake up dead.

A wave of sudden calmness washed over me, and when I looked up I saw Madeleine's hand on mine. I saw it, but I couldn't feel it.

''My child,'' she said. ''You are being used. There are witches on this side that see your potential to suppress Klaus. I tried my best to stop them, but I failed.''

I was only a pawn on their board. Whoever they were, they were powerful enough to act beyond the grave and now there was nothing I could do about it.

I thought I was crying. Inside, I was, but there were no tears on my face when I looked in the blurry mirror. Sinking quietly down on the bed again, I tried to feel the cover beneath my fingers, but there was nothing. I didn't want to wake up, but this place... this place was strange. Hurtful, in a new way.

''I've wanted to talk to you for so long,'' I said in a whisper.

Madeleine smiled softly. ''I know. But we don't have much time.''

My lip quivered, wanting to know the answer to one question more than anything, but I was terrified of asking. ''Is... have you seen my mum? Wherever you are?''

''She isn't here,'' Madeleine said, and my heart sank. ''And you will not find her here.''

That was it, then. I wouldn't meet her again. Maybe I never would have, given my powers – but the door that had felt ajar before was now firmly shut.

That was one thing that had made her passing a little less soul crushing – the thought that she was out there somewhere, somewhere she could see me, hear me... somewhere we could meet. But she wasn't supernatural, and now that could never happen.

''I can't do this,'' I whispered.

''You are strong, my dear,'' Madeleine said. ''We share many things, you and I, but you are so much stronger than I ever was. I know this.''

I squeezed my eyes shut. ''I can't be a... a-''

''You don't have to be,'' she said. ''But I have been there, I know your pain. And you need to know – you are strong enough.''

Dark images flooded my mind – darkness, destruction, and my own blood-splattered hands.

''There is so much love in your life. So much goodness in your heart for you to share. So much worth prevailing for. I don't want their crime to end you.''

My eyes went wide open and found her, staring in confusion. ''You want me to do what the witches want?''

Madeleine paused a moment before she spoke. ''I think it was inevitable the moment you crossed paths with Klaus and his family. I think their abhorrent action might have just accelerated your involvement with them.''

I shook my head. I wouldn't do anything for them. Not one thing.

My hands were clenched tightly, nails digging into thin air instead of skin. ''Why would they do this?''

''Because they could,'' Madeleine replied quietly. ''And I can never be sorry enough.''

My eyes met hers and I saw in her face that she was, but not only for my sake. ''What happened to you?'' I asked her, waiting hesitantly for an answer I didn't know if I was ready for.

Madeleine smiled and shook her head. ''You will know, one day. My story isn't what you need to hear right now. And... I am afraid we have run out of time.''

There were still so many questions. So many things I wanted to know – I needed to know.

She must have seen how my mind started racing, because she sat down next to me and smiled – and all of a sudden she reminded me of my mother. Not the eyes, though, not when I saw them up close, But they were every bit as sincere.

''What now?'' I asked her.

Madeleine brushed her hand against my cheek.

''Now you wake up.''

I shot up, gasping for air.

Darting around the room, my eyes caught on a speck of dust on the floor. I marvelled at how clearly I could see it. Every tiny grain of dirt, strand of hair – it was as if I was examining it through a magnifying glass. I blinked, and that speck was all the way across the room in an instant.

I was in my bedroom in Philadelphia.

My gaze travelled, from my legs in front of me on the bed, to the wall, to the door, to-

Elijah.

I thought I knew his face by heart, but it was like I was seeing him for the very first time. I could see the tiny tremors in his lips, I could hear the air flow through them when he watched me; carefully, eyes deep and full of conflicted feelings.

Rising from the bed, I was going to go to him, see him closer and figure out if I was imagining things. But, before I got that far something else caught my attention. Something sour, something... I scrunched up my nose at the smell. Following it through the apartment, I finally stopped in front of the fridge and pulled out the culprit. I brought the carton closer and made a face at the sour odour.

I stared at the milk, frowning. ''How did I...''

Like a flash of lightning, everything came back to me. Katherine. Madeleine. Everything Madeleine had told me, it all came back.

My hands started trembling.

''No.''

My hearing suddenly picked up on everything at once. The cars outside. People walking by. Infants screaming somewhere. Footsteps. In other houses, on the street, right next to me. I couldn't make out which was which, and they all thumped in my head, filling up my mind loudly and I wanted to scream at them to leave me alone, to get out of my head.

''Evangeline...''

''No, no, no.''

The carton broke in my hand, sending milk all over the floor. In the blink of an eye, I threw what was left of it away, and it hit the dining table, cracking the table top.

''No. No, no, no!''

Suddenly Elijah was in front of me.

''Look at me,'' he said.

I was shaking.

Pushing him away, I only expected him to stagger backwards, and only because he was following what I wanted – but he went down instead.

For a brief moment the noises in my head mellowed, and I stared at his form laying still on the floor.

''Elijah?'' I whispered. ''No, no, I'm sorry-''

He didn't move at the sound of my voice, and an immense grief took hold of me; tears flowing down my cheeks without cease at the sight of him and the thought of him dead, dead by my hands.

I fell to my knees next to him. ''Wake up,'' I said, and nudged his hand, scared to touch him again. ''Please, I'm so sorry!''

His eyes fluttered open and I was still sure that I had killed him, my feelings told me so. But he raised himself from the floor before me and grabbed me gently by the shoulders, and with every movement I was slowly convinced that he was still here.

''Look at me,'' he said again.

''No,'' I gasped, wanting to claw the returning roaring in my head out. ''I can't, I-''

His hand cupped my cheek, guiding my gaze to his. ''Please.''

''I'm dead,'' I said, shaking my head. ''I died, I'm dead, I-''

The sounds reaching my ears were so loud. On a whim, I flew to my feet and made it across the room quicker than I realised.

''Will you shut up!'' I called out in frustration, throwing my angst towards everyone and everything outside filling up my head with chaos. I went to the window, only to jump back immediately when a burning sensation crept up my arms. The skin turned red and I hissed, finding myself pressed against the wall the darkest corner of the room, breathing heavily.

''I can't leave. I'm never going to see the sun again, I can't... Oh my god. I'm going to have to drink-''

I couldn't utter the word, and let out a strangled noise instead, sinking to the floor. I curled up in a ball, hugging myself tightly, hearing the sobs coming from me echo through the apartment.

''I'm never going to see my mum again,'' I cried. ''Wherever she is, I'm not going there anymore.''

''I am... so sorry,'' Elijah's voice sounded through the sobs. His voice cracked when he spoke. ''I blame myself entirely, I-''

I opened my eyes and saw him coming closer. ''It will be alright,'' he said with forced conviction.

''Don't lie to me,'' I said, looking at him through my tears.

He reached out for me slowly, and I leaned away from him best I could. ''N-no, stay back. I don't want to hurt you.''

''You won't hurt me, sweetheart,'' he mumbled under his breath, and I could still hear his words clear as day. He took my hands in his, and I felt calmer. My chest relaxed, my breathing slowed down, and the noise around me grew vaguer.

''I can never undo this injustice,'' Elijah said. ''But I will do everything in my power to make it easier. I promise you. I will get you a daylight ring. I will help you with control, I-'' he stopped, inhaling deeply. ''I am so sorry.''

Even though I was calmer now, I still felt ruled by every single emotion in my body. His hands kept me grounded, somehow, and all I thought about were his hands. I was scared that if I stopped, everything would come back again. I was scared that I would scream and cry and break things, scared that I wouldn't be able to stop until I did something irrevocable.

So I clung to him like he was the last bit of sanity I had left.

I stayed on the floor until the sun went down. Elijah stayed with me, and I was glad he couldn't hear my thoughts. The amount of times I considered stepping out into the sun and let it burn me into nothing were so frightening, but I couldn't stop thinking like that until the last ray disappeared. Then my mind went to blood. I felt sick just thinking about it, but I knew that not giving in to it would end the almost the same way as stepping into the light would have. I couldn't survive without it. I was a vampire now.

I felt my heart clench at that word. They hadn't even given me a choice. I could have died without transitioning, but someone wanted to make sure that I didn't.

Now I had to live with that.

Suddenly, Elijah said something that made my heart drop.

''Please tell me what you're thinking.''

So many things I could have said. True things. Horrible things. Things I never thought I would have to experience. But, my eyes went to his, and I was brought back to the day my mother died and the time he thought I had stopped breathing. I almost burst into tears again because of the one thought; that I cared for him too much to see him hurt. So, I settled for:

''You wouldn't like it.''

I saw in his eyes that he knew exactly what it was anyway. ''Evangeline,'' he said quietly. ''Please...'' He dropped his head and drew a breath. ''I will not force you like this has been forced upon you. But you are part of me,'' he said, and pulled my hand with his and placed it over his heart. ''And I... I-'' he stopped himself suddenly and let go of my hand.

Maybe the empath part of me was enhanced now as well. Maybe it was only my feelings for Elijah, which were stronger now, too. Or maybe the way they had been before, only brought into the light. He never let people see him like this. He never told me, but I knew he didn't. And I felt scared for him. Scared of the hurt I would cause him. When he had let me reach his innermost feelings, I had realised that he too felt deeply, ceaselessly.

''Help me,'' I whispered.

Elijah raised his head and met my teary eyes. I nodded wordlessly, feeling sobs build up in my throat again from the sheer fear and pain of the decision.

''Of course,'' he said. ''Of course.''

We moved to the broken dining table. I followed the line in the cracked wood with my gaze in fear. I was dangerous now. A danger to everyone.

''How can I still be here?'' I asked, looking up from the grain. ''Don't I have to be... to be invited in?''

Elijah held my hand in his. I don't know what it was, but he wasn't as easily affected by my emotional state as others. He had calmed me down before. ''I signed over the apartments to you,'' he replied, drawing circles on my skin with his thumb.

''Apartments?'' I asked in surprise. ''You own the whole building?''

Elijah nodded. ''I thought it was safer. Maybe it wasn't. Somehow, they got to the deed. She couldn't have entered otherwise.''

''And now I'm dead,'' I said, and saw him flinch at the word. ''That's why I can be here.''

The word played on repeat in my head. Dead. Dead. Dead.

''Was I downstairs?'' I asked. ''When you found me.''

Elijah suddenly looked like he was in pain. ''Yes,'' he said hoarsely. ''Below the stairs. I received a message. She counted on me finding you there.''

''Katherine was just a puppet,'' I mumbled, following the pattern his thumb made. My mind wandered back to that moment, what Katherine had said – and then I remembered something that felt like a dream.

''Madeleine,'' I said suddenly, and was overcome with a rage stronger than I had ever known. Pulling my hand away from Elijah's, I grabbed hold of the table, gripping it tightly until it creaked. ''They took my choice away. They used me.''

''Madeleine used you?'' Elijah asked in confusion.

''No, she told me about them. Witches on the other side. And I don't even know who they are,'' I let out a humourless laugh. ''They just... decided to use me with no compassion whatsoever. I hate them. God, I hate them. I wish I could-''

The edge of the table crumbled under my hands.

Suddenly my eyes watered with fresh tears and I made a frustrated sound. ''This isn't me,'' I said. ''This isn't me.''

''It is overwhelming in the beginning,'' Elijah said. ''It will pass.''

I shook my head ferociously.

''It will pass,'' he repeated slowly, and held his hand out again. But I couldn't rely on him. Not too much. Clenching my fists, I crossed my arms and hid them, careful to touch anything else.

Dark thoughts began filling my head again. I couldn't help it.

''When do I have to...'' I swallowed. I didn't want to say it out loud.

Elijah looked grim. ''Not yet, but soon.''

''Can vam-'' I corrected myself, ''we drink from animals?''

''Yes.''

''Okay,'' I whispered and drew a shaky breath. ''Good to know.''

My skin was prickling, and I had trouble sitting still. There was still so many sounds around that were difficult to filter, and it was beginning to grow tiresome. My eyes went to the window. Elijah had pulled down the curtain and lit lamps inside, but I was painfully aware of the sunlight out there. I remembered the warmth of it. How I hadn't appreciated it enough before.

''I don't trust myself outside,'' I said, still staring at the window, freeing my hands. ''I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I can't let that happen.''

I felt Elijah's hand on mine, and I didn't pull back this time. His thumb brushed over my fingers. ''You don't have to, not yet. But once you have a ring-''

Turning my head, I looked straight at him, almost on the verge of tears again.

''I'm terrified, Elijah.''

''I know,'' he replied, a faint and sad smile on his face.

Forcing my mind away from the dark places it went, I wished it could stay that way. But, somehow, every line of thought, related or not – went back there anyway. This wasn't how I wanted things to turn out. And I didn't want to think of the things that lay ahead, so I tried to think of the past, instead.

''Mystic Falls,'' I blurted out. ''Are they okay? Alaric, is he-''

Elijah shook his head slowly. ''No.''

A curious thought crossed my mind, hanging on for but a split second. But, as things were right now, it was impossible. I couldn't go back there like this. I couldn't help like this. Anger started boiling in me again, and an almost crippling frustration; because it felt like I was no good either way. I didn't want to become this, but I forced myself to cope, or, something in me did. But if I didn't want to be turned, and if I didn't want to live like this – maybe I would only hold myself back and never learn to control myself. Maybe I couldn't, unless I accepted it.

''Perhaps you should call them,'' Elijah suggested, bringing me out of my bitter musings.

''No, no, I can't, not now,'' I paused, forehead creasing. ''I'm sorry that you... that you-''

Elijah shook his head. ''Don't apologise.'' He looked down, like he was keeping himself from saying something else.

Seeing everything with these new eyes would take time to get used to, but I wasn't sure if I'd ever get used to it with him. Watching him now was like watching a beautiful painting. Quiet, peaceful, and you could stare at it forever and still find things you hadn't noticed before.

''I was afraid it might have been my brother,'' he said suddenly. The relief in his voice and eyes transferred into me.

''I don't think it was.''

What he had done if it had been Klaus, I didn't know. I didn't want to know.

''Why would they turn you?'' Elijah continued.

''Madeleine said they wanted to use me to...'' I tried to remember the word she had used, ''suppress Klaus.''

Elijah wasn't fazed by the fact that I told him about speaking with my long since dead ancestor, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

I considered their reason behind it, and had trouble grasping why, out of everyone, they chose me. I was an empath. It wasn't in me to fight unless I had to.''Am I really that useful?''

''You are even more powerful, now,'' Elijah said. ''Witches are fickle. And Niklaus has many enemies, many of whom I wouldn't put it past using any means necessary to fight him. I suspect they made use of Katherine to imply this was all Niklaus' doing.''

''Whatever they want, I'm not going to do it,'' I said. ''I don't owe them anything.''

Elijah looked at me, smiling softly; but he didn't look convinced. Like he thought I didn't have a choice.

''I'm not going to,'' I repeated myself in response, and he squeezed my hand gently.

His eyes suddenly turned dark, hinting at a furiousness that almost scared me. ''Whatever scheme there is, we will find it out.''

Forcing a smile on my face, I started feeling my emotions run wild again. From fuelling all energy into anger directed at those who put me here I turned completely horrified and broken-hearted – feeling as dead as I was. Tears started building up again, and I closed my eyes to stop myself from breaking down again. They broke free anyway. There was no controlling it.

Time passed. I wasn't sure how much, and I didn't really care, either - until I realised that every second gone was one second closer to having to... eat something. That made me freak out, again. I paced around the apartment, moving too fast and realising only afterwards; but trying to control my speed only made everything worse.

Klaus had shown me what it could be like. I hadn't enjoyed it then, and I sure as hell didn't enjoy it now. Stuck inside my own stormy mind, trying to suppress every dark thought that surfaced – I stayed on my feet because it was better than not doing anything but thinking.

Elijah watched me through it all and let me lash out in moderation. Only when I started hyperventilating did he say something. I really hoped he knew that I was trying. I really was.

Eventually, he left me alone for what didn't seem more than a few seconds. When the door closed behind him I knew that what he was bringing was the inevitable. The look on his face only confirmed it.

He took a few steps towards me, lips pressed tightly together in regret. ''I have something for you,'' he said and reached out his hand, closed around something.

He placed the thing in my hand. It was small and cold against my skin. My mind gave it more weight than it actually had, and it felt like holding a stone.

It was a simple ring – a thin gold band reaching for and enveloping a dark blue stone, folding around its edges like leaves around a fruit.

I slipped it on my ring finger and still couldn't get over how heavy it felt. ''Thank you,'' I said quietly, still staring at it, staring at my trembling fingers and trying to control myself. I didn't have an excuse to stay inside now. I could go out – but if I did, I had to face myself. Face more of this new reality I hadn't asked for.

I didn't know if I could do it.