A/N: Written as a gift for Exevee on Tumblr as part of a thank-you give away to my 100 followers there! (If you don't follow me yet and want to, I post lots of short fics that don't go up here and you'll get some sneak previews too. I'm Boomchickfanfiction!)
Many thanks to all of you who watch, read, and enjoy my stories! You make it all worthwhile.
Chapter One
Cloud stared at the shivering form on the side of the path. Over the sound of the pouring rain beating on his umbrella, he could just barely hear the tremulous whimpers coming from the little creature. It was so tightly curled up—so wet—it looked like nothing more than a slightly out-of-place stone edging the pathway.
He forced himself to move closer, crouching next to the tiny thing and shifting his umbrella over it. He shivered as the icy rain quickly soaked his back. For a moment, the ball of sopping fur didn't move, just trembling in the mud as it had been. Then it lifted its face out from where it was hidden tucked under one of its forepaws.
"An Eevee?" Cloud's chest tightened at the look of fear and awe in the pokémon's wide brown eyes.
A painfully soft chirp of sound from the trembling Eevee was his answer. The little pokémon turned over, belly-crawling closer to him. Cloud lowered a hand automatically to pet the pokémon's sopping wet fur. The frightened cooing sound the Eevee was making settled as it huddled against his shins, hiding under his hand.
"Why would someone leave you out here?" Cloud murmured. "You've obviously had a trainer before. And even being left, why didn't you find shelter…"
He slid his hands carefully under the Eevee to lift it, letting the umbrella rest on his shoulder. The little pokémon went tense, and the next thing Cloud knew its needle-sharp teeth were buried in his hand. He quickly yanked his touch away, watching in shock as the Eevee crawled away from him, its ears pressed tightly down and its tail tucked. It was moving wrong, stiff and jolting rather than elegant
"You're hurt?" Cloud whispered, pressing his free hand over the bleeding bite mark on his wrist.
He looked the cowering Eevee over, searching for the injury. His heart hammered in his chest. He'd heard of trainers abandoning injured pokémon, but there was a city not even a mile away from where they stood. He watched the Eevee try to stand from its belly crawl and immediately stagger and fall again. The moment it rose, though, however brief it was, Cloud saw what was making it hurt so much
There was a muddy, wet bandage around the stump of the Eevee's right foreleg. Its leg wasn't even long enough to reach the center joint, abruptly cut-off. Cloud sucked in a sharp breath. He'd never even seen that happen to a pokémon before.
The Eevee cried softly and curled in on itself again. Cloud closed his eyes tightly in distress as the shivering cries started up again. He set the umbrella aside and scooted closer, no longer concerned about getting his pants muddy.
"You're okay," he whispered to the trembling creature, hoping that his voice sounded as soothing as he meant it to. "You're okay."
This time he stroked the Eevee's back instead of going straight to pick it up, soothing the trembling pokémon until its distressed crying had settled and it had shifted weakly closer to him again. Then he carefully scooped it up with a hand behind its back legs, drawing it close to his chest.
"Hang in there, alright?" Cloud whispered, unzipping his coat and gently tucking the little Eevee inside. "It's nice and warm at home. I'll get you cleaned up and comfortable in no time."
"Eee," the Pokémon gave his hand a guilty lick as Cloud zipped the jacket up around it carefully to provide it at least some warmth. Its voice was trembling and weak. Cloud closed his eyes tightly, curling carefully around the Eevee. He took a deep breath, only briefly letting his fears show.
"Seph is going to be so annoyed."
He stood and started jogging towards town, trying to keep his gait gliding and smooth so he wouldn't jostle his passenger. He didn't even pause at the entrance to Jenovan city to say hello to the guides who waited by the gate. He headed straight for the house by the city's gym that he'd called home for the past year.
"I'm back!" He called automatically as he stepped inside.
He hadn't realized how cold he'd gotten out in the rain until he stepped into the dry house. He shivered, dripping onto the carpet, kicking off his mud-soaked shoes before leaving the entryway.
"Welcome h—Cloud, you are soaking wet." Sephiroth stopped dead at the end of the entryway, staring. "You look half-frozen. Where is your umbrella?"
"Left it," Cloud unzipped his jacket, lifting the trembling Eevee out as carefully as he could. "Will you grab a towel?"
"Is that ANOTHER Eevee?"
"Sarcasm later," Cloud snapped, walking quickly past the silver-haired man into their living room. "He's hurt."
Sephiroth didn't reply, but Cloud could hear his heavy footsteps as he moved to gather some towels.
"Scoot, Liepard," He said mildly to their giant lazy cat pokémon, nudging it lightly to encourage it away from the fire.
Liepard rose and stalked away, quietly grumbling to itself as it did. Cloud quickly moved in to take its place, setting the shivering little Eevee in his lap so that it could benefit from the fire's warmth without feeling abandoned.
"There," he murmured as the Eevee shifted awkwardly in his lap, adjusting itself weakly until it was curled with its missing leg turned up out of Cloud's lap to make sure there wasn't any pressure on it. "That's better, right?"
The Eevee cooed softly in response, curling up tightly. Cloud took the trailing end of the bandage in hand, and carefully unwrapped the muddy cloth so that the injury wouldn't just moulder or get inflected.
A towel dropped onto his head, and he smiled softly to himself as Sephiroth dropped to sit behind him, toweling his hair dry.
"He's missing a leg," Cloud said softly, stroking the Eevee's head. "I mean, it's all stitched up, and it looks like it's almost healed, but…"
"Someone just left him," Sephiroth finished for him, his voice low. "We can take him to the Pokémon Center tomorrow. There are rescues—"
"I don't want to pawn him off on anyone else," Cloud said, shaking his head. "He's already been abandoned once. Poor little guy…"
"Cloud, you can't take in every abandoned creature that comes along."
"Pass me a towel?" Cloud requested instead of answering, ignoring the annoyance in Sephiroth's tone. "He's still really cold."
Sephiroth stopped toweling him dry. Cloud heard him sigh, and wondered if Sephiroth's face would have taken on that distinctly unpleasant look again-his eyes narrowed and his chin tilted upwards as though he were looking down on him. Still, he was passed a clean, dry towel before the silver-haired man stalked out of the room.
He kept his head down, fighting back tears. He didn't like that Sephiroth seemed to think so little of him so often, but after bringing home so many abandoned Pokémon that he couldn't have provided for without his lover's work at the gym, he couldn't blame him. He sniffled rubbing the towel lightly over the Eevee.
"Don't cry," Sephiroth said from the doorway, his voice low and almost hesitant. "I'm sure Nurse Joy will have your new friend healthy and happy in no time."
"I don't understand people," Cloud whispered, stroking the little Eevee's head, watching it sleep in his lap. "I don't understand how someone could just leave him behind…"
Sephiroth walked over slowly and sat beside him. Cloud looked over to him, his brows twisted, hoping that his lover wasn't too angry to offer him some comfort. Sephiroth's eyes were on the Eevee, his expression pensive and soft. He was holding a warm mug of what looked like milky tea in his hands, and he carefully passed it into Cloud's hands, replacing the blonde's hand on the Eevee's head with his own.
"I wish I had an answer for you," Sephiroth murmured. "But I understand no better than you."
He let out a soft sigh, and Cloud saw shadows in his slit-pupiled eyes. He watched Sephiroth lower his head, still carefully maintaining a warm touch on the Eevee in Cloud's lap. He saw the strain in his expression, and instantly regretted asking the man. He knew exactly how badly people had hurt Sephiroth in the past. He shouldn't expect any answers from his boyfriend and partner on that front.
"I will say," Sephiroth finally whispered as Cloud took a slow drink of his warm tea, feeling it warm him to the core, "That in my experience there are always people like you to balance out the cruelty. People who will stop to help, even if it means losing their umbrella and freezing themselves until they end up shivering themselves to pieces."
"Sephiroth." Cloud whispered affectionately, his lips quirking upwards in a soft smile.
"I'd recommend taking him to the pokémon center in the morning," Sephiroth said, rising and moving away from them, "even though that leg looks almost healed. Better to have Joy's Clefable look it over than to find out later that something is wrong."
"Right," Cloud whispered, nodding.
"I'll look after the pokémon out back," Sephiroth said. Cloud could hear him gathering dinner for their critters beside the door to their enormous back yard. "When I come back I'll help you get him set up for the night. And then you are going to bed. No staying awake all night with your new friend."
"You're not really mad that I want to keep him," Cloud whispered, turning back to look behind him at the man he loved so dearly. "Are you?"
"How could I be?" Sephiroth paused in the doorway, his back to Cloud and his hair flickering silver and golden in the firelight, as inhuman and beautiful as his eyes. "The impulse that leads you to rescue them is the same thing that drew you to me."
Cloud dreamed of finding Sephiroth. It was a frequent dream, and he didn't know whether it ought to make him sad or happy. It usually depended on which pieces of the memory played out. This night's was darker—sadder. He remembered the faces of the scientists and Team Rocket operatives they'd led out of the cave and into custody back so long ago when he'd led the police to where he'd heard the screaming. He wasn't supposed to go inside the cave. Officer Jenny had warned him of that specifically. But he hadn't been able to help himself. He'd heard the police muttering about what to do with what was inside, and calling for the others to call all the Pokémon Centers in the area.
He'd slipped past them and snuck inside, his pokéball held tightly in his hand. It was just his starter pokémon—a young Bulbasaur who he still hadn't grown close to—but it would be the best protection he had if something went wrong.
The moment he was inside he could hear the screaming. He'd followed it deep inside the metallic hallways, until he found the cells. They were full of pokémon. Pokémon floating in liquid, and caged in tiny boxes-some were in plastic cells, still fighting to escape. There was a Raichu digging at the plastic corner, its little paws bloody with scratching—a Rapidash bucking against the heavy plastic walls, desperate for escape-a Ghastly pressed forlornly in the back corner of a cell, staring at nothing, surrounded by useless psychic waves. None of them seemed quite right. They were strange, almost as though they'd been mixed together. Cloud hadn't let himself look too close or too long.
The screaming was getting louder. Cloud walked into the vast center room, and stared up at the clear cage in the center of the raised floor. Inside, psychic energy was practically bursting the seams. The screaming was coming from inside. He wanted to run. He didn't want to see what was inside. He didn't want to see what kind of pokémon could give such human screams. But he couldn't bring himself to leave. All the Officers were still outside, discussing what to do in hushed voices. Cloud was the only one here. If the pokémon was hurt, maybe he could do something to help. If nothing else, the screams sounded afraid. Maybe Cloud could at least keep whatever was screaming company for a while.
He climbed the stairs up to the chamber, and froze dead. Suspended in the psychic energy was no pokémon. It was a young man. He looked like a teenager, his mouth wide-open and his eyes glowing pale white with the power coursing through him. Cloud watched his hands as they twitched and spasmed, spread out to his sides. He was floating off the floor, his legs dangling limply below him. Cloud couldn't take his eyes off the tormented expression on his face. He found himself pressing against the glass, waiting for the endless screams to taper off, recognizing only now that half of the noise was inside his own head.
"Hey!" he called when the screaming boy paused to inhale, settling the overwhelming screams for a moment, if no more. "It's alright! Those men are gone now, so you're going to be okay!"
Suddenly Cloud felt all the attention in the room focus on him. It was as though the entire world was looking. He took a shuddering breath, feeling as though the very air was weighing down on him. The young man inside the chamber gave a spasm, and the tension dissipated. Cloud stumbled back, catching sight of the long tube descending from the ceiling above the young man and attached to the back of his neck. He watched his twitch and spasm in silence a moment, his eyes wide open, his lips pulled back from his teeth in a grimace of pain.
When the screaming started again, Cloud pushed himself to his feet and walked forward again. he searched for a way into the box, pressing against the walls and pushing, shoving against the panels and trying to pry open the slight seams he found.
"Shit," he whispered, blinking back tears of desperation, the screams echoing in his head. He looked behind himself to the equipment the scientists had left behind. The Jennys seemed to have broken something over at the workstation. Cloud moved over quickly, picking through the wreckage and pulling out the heaviest piece of steel debris he could find. He ran back to the cage and slammed the piece of steel against the outside. The screaming hesitated, faltered. Cloud heard a soft, startled intake of breathe. It sounded like the inhale before a sob.
He lifted his eyes to look inside, and found the young man's face turned towards him again. The same weight from before crowded in on him, but Cloud forced himself to ignore it, slamming the piece of metal into the thick plastic containing the other boy.
"I'm going to get you out," he whispered, slamming the metal against the same spot again. "I'm going to get you out, so hold on, okay? You'll be alright."
He knew the boy was staring. The screaming faltered and quieted. Even in his mind it settled, the psychic energy dimming quietly until the weight lifted and Cloud could breathe again. He glanced up to find the boy clenching his teeth, his eyebrows drawn together tightly in concentration, and his glowing eyes narrowed in force. As he watched, the young man curled up, pulling his arms and legs inwards where he was floating till he was holding his own head, his knees bent before his chest in the fetal position. Cloud watched the psychic powers curling in towards him, and realized he was trying to control it—to keep it from turning on him. Cloud scrambled, redoubling his effort to break through the glass.
"Boy," a voice filtered through into his mind—not the young man's voice, he was certain. It was low and dark, and it scared Cloud straight to the center of his being. "You are trying to free him?"
Cloud whirled, lifting the piece of metal to defend himself. There was no one there. He looked around, searching for the source of the voice. Inside the prison, the young man made a soft, pained, sound before he started screaming again.
"Use your pokémon," the voice said, dark and insistent. "If you wish to save him. His mind will not withstand much more of my power."
"Oh my god," Cloud whispered, fumbling for his pokeball. "Bulbasaur! Go!"
"Is someone in there?" He heard an Officer Jenny call from down the hallway.
"Hurry," the dark voice whispered. "They will not risk releasing him. He will fall to pieces before then. The transfer was never made to last this long. They should have let the scientists finish before they stopped them."
The screaming intensified, building, and Cloud felt the weight of the psychic energy compress all around him, filling the air even outside the cage, channeling its way through the boy inside.
"Bulbasaur!" Cloud cried. "Use vine whip to weaken the cage!"
"Bulba!" his new pokémon was nothing if not enthusiastic to use its powers.
Cloud staggered, fighting to stay upright as he watched the vines slash a deep 'x' mark into the cage. When Bulbasaur withdrew its vines, Cloud swung the heavy metal piece he'd been holding as hard as he could. The brittle plastic gave a sharp crash, making a hole just big enough for Cloud to crawl through.
"What are you doing!?" He heard an Officer Jenny call. "Get out of there!"
Cloud could barely breathe. The psychic power around him was suffocating. His vision blurred. He could barely focus on the twitching, shuddering young man hovering in the air before him. His arms and legs were splayed helplessly, as though the power coursing through him was trying to tear him apart. Cloud forced himself to stand and move towards the boy. It felt like wading through a rushing river. He crouched, forcing his legs to keep moving.
"You're going to be okay!" Cloud called, his voice lost in the whirling maelstrom of psychic energy around him. "Just hold on!"
He forced his hand forward, pushing against the psychic power as hard as he could, barely making headway. The boy was so high in the air that Cloud would barely be able to catch his hand. He was almost there when the young man spasmed and the psychic powers around them redoubled. Cloud couldn't keep his footing. He slammed back against the plastic wall, pinned there by the young man's power. He glanced to the hole in the plastic beside him, where he might escape, then shook off the thought, forcing himself off the wall. He could feel something sticky on the back of his head, but he forced away the pain and dizziness.
"I'm coming," he whispered, his eyes fixed on the tormented face of the boy, watching the tears streaming down his cheeks and the grimace of pain on his face—the gasping pants for air. "Hang on. I'm coming."
"Cloud!" Called the Jenny from outside—she must have been the one he talked to to lead them here. "You're hurt! Get out of there right now! We don't even know what's going on!"
"Push through," the low voice whispered in his mind. "You're almost to him. I will do what I can."
Cloud gasped in a breath as the crush of psychic power lessened around him. He forced himself forward. He crossed the distance in a single jump, catching the young man's hand and clinging to him. Pain lanced through his hand, streaking up his arm like an electric jolt. He almost dropped the touch, but forced himself to hold on. He braced himself to fall, before realizing he was suspended by the psychic force as much as the other young man was. He dragged himself up his arm, fumbling with hands numbed by pain for the tube connecting to the back of his neck.
"Cloud!" Officer Jenny's voice had been joined by another—he recognized Nurse Joy's call. "Don't! We're not sure how it's connected! It could kill him!"
"Wait," the low voice whispered, "and he will die."
"I," Cloud whispered, trembling, his hands clenched and trembling, one on the cold metal tube and one on the young man's shoulder. "I don't know what to do."
Wide, glowing eyes turned to him. Cloud heard a soft sob, watched the boy twitch and shiver and his head loll weakly on his neck. Heard the screams falter weakly. Then the young man's mouth moved, his voice only barely audible over the screaming of Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny outside and the mental screams still filling the air.
"Do it."
Cloud yanked as hard as he could, and blood flew. For a moment, they were weightless together, and Cloud saw the glow fade out of the young man's eyes, leaving him looking dazed and hollow and painfully human.
Then both of them dropped, and Cloud was only briefly aware of the ground approaching before pain blossomed in his head and everything went dark. The last thing he saw was unearthly silver hair and bright green eyes rolling back in the other boy's skull as he convulsed on the ground beside him.
Cloud woke to a rough tongue washing tears off his face. He blinked his eyes open and smiled softly when he saw a small Eevee's face, sitting back to stare at him. He sat up stiffly, petting the newly fluffy and dry Eevee.
"I see you noticed your visitor," Sephiroth murmured from the doorway. "He jumped up halfway through the night. I believe he is feeling better now."
"You jumped up?" Cloud yawned, rubbing his eyes, hoping Sephiroth hadn't noticed the tears.
The three-legged Eevee chirped at him and stood on its hind legs, bracing its lone forepaw against Cloud's shoulder to lick his cheek again.
"Having nightmares again?" Sephiroth asked softly, his voice low.
"Nah," Cloud murmured. "Just teary. Probably it's from being tired."
"I felt your distress," Sephiroth replied, shaking his head. "There's no reason to lie. You don't have to tell me."
Cloud blushed, glancing away. Despite everything, he often forgot his lover's predominantly-latent psychic prowess.
"Remember the first time we met?" he whispered, stroking the Eevee's back softly and nuzzling against it lightly.
"How could I forget?" Sephiroth asked softly.
"Well, it was a long time ago," Cloud said with a shrug. "And you weren't exactly yourself. Not to mention the coma after that, and not even seeing me again until year before last and…"
"Cloud," Sephiroth interrupted, his inhuman eyes even as he gazed at Cloud. "I remember."
Cloud sent him a soft smile, picking up the Eevee and holding it gently, careful of the stump of its foot. "That's all I was dreaming about," he murmured. "Finding you there."
"I see," Sephiroth said, glancing to the side. He hesitated a moment before speaking again. "You felt afraid."
"Of course I was afraid," Cloud said softly. "You were in trouble. You were screaming, and hurting, and I couldn't help. It was terrible."
"And?" Sephiroth prompted, lifting an eyebrow.
Cloud shifted, sighing. "And at the time, I didn't know that a pokémon like Mewtwo existed, and his voice was a little…Well. I was a little scared of him too, even if I couldn't see him."
"He's told me about your actions and thoughts that day," Sephiroth replied after a long moment, glancing to the side. "My memory was...Fuzzy… So quite some time ago, when I mentioned you and I were entering a relationship he told me what he remembered to fill in the blanks. He also told me I had picked a worthy human. Which is the highest praise I have ever heard him give."
"I didn't even see him," Cloud murmured. "By the time I woke up he was long gone. And he never comes close enough or stays long enough for me to say hello now. I've only ever seen him from a distance."
"Don't take it personally," Sephiroth replied with a shrug. "He's not much for socialization. If he hadn't spent so much time with our minds connected when we were in that lab, he would have no interest in me either. I just want to ensure that you know how I feel about this, Cloud. You saved me that day. I'm sorry if I seemed less than kind last night. Of course your new friend will be welcome. I'm sure your little herd won't mind another friendly face."
Cloud sent a gentle smile towards his lover, looking down to the softly cooing Eevee curled in his arms. "I'm just glad he seems to be feeling better. I was worried."
Sephiroth walked over and dropped a kiss to Cloud's forehead. "I have to set the gym up for the day. I should have some challengers this afternoon.
"Not that kid with the Pikachu again."
"The very same," Sephiroth replied. "Though at least he seems to have brought friends this time. I will have to bring my alternate fighters. They will enjoy that."
"Take Liepard," Cloud yawned. "She's getting chubby."
Sephiroth laughed quietly in response, his hand dropping to briefly stroke the Eevee's soft fur.
"He's very grateful," Sephiroth murmured after a moment. "He's aware that you saved him last night. And glad that you did. His last master left him because he was injured in a fight. He's glad to know you like him with three legs."
Cloud looked up at him and smiled warmly, seeing the soft glow in Sephiroth's eyes left over from the awful experiments that had left him part-pokémon.
"Thanks, Seph," he murmured. "I'm glad to hear it."
"I'm sending your pack in," Sephiroth replied, stretching and removing his hand from the small creature. "Have fun introducing him."
Cloud sighed, settling and watching the man's hair sway behind him as he left the room. He closed his eyes and focused hard, gathering up all his feelings for Sephiroth—all the love and affection and joy that he brought to his life—and tried to visualize pushing it out into the air. From the other room he heard his lover catch his breath, then let it out in a soft, slow sigh of pleasure. It was quietly satisfying to know that as little as he could vocalize how much Sephiroth meant to him, he could at least let the man feel its echo through his strange powers. Cloud could practically hear him purring in the other room.
"Distracting." Sephiroth called back to him.
"You love me and you know it," Cloud called back, smiling down at the Eevee in his lap, stroking its head as it gazed up at him with adoring brown eyes.
A moment later, he heard the back door open and a delighted chorus of Eevees crying out in pleasure.
"Go mob your mother," Sephiroth scolded from the other room. "I have quite enough pokémon, thank you."
"I'm not their mother!" Cloud called in response.
"Eee?" the little pokémon in his lap questioned.
"We're just playing," Cloud said fondly to reassure him, petting his soft ears again. "Brace yourself. You're about to meet the pack."
A thunder of paws reached Cloud's ear, and he smiled widely, long before the first of the Eevees bounded through. It lept onto the bed, and was quickly followed by its six brothers and sisters. He laughed as they piled all over him, squealing in delight and investigating their new friend. Cloud laughed as the three-legged Eevee hopped to its feet, wobbling only a little, to sniff its new friends in return, curiously. The feisty Eevee he'd rescued a month ago with the orange collar he called Denzel stiffened up and hissed a little.
"Denzel, be nice," he scolded, pointing at the Eevee. "This little one is your new brother. He doesn't have a name yet, though, so you'll all have to help me think of one."
The sweet girl he'd named Marlene started washing her new brother behind his ears instantly, and Cloud chuckled softly, giving her an affectionate pat.
"Meet your new family," he murmured to the three-legged rescue. He pointed as he named them. "Fenrir, Marlene, Shiva, Yuffie, Sleipner, Ramuh, and Denzel. It's alright if you have to use their collars to tell them apart. Sephiroth has to too. That's why they're all different colors."
He watched Marlene and Ramuh sniff noses with their new friend while Yuffie and Shiva tussled with each other. Sleipner was already curling up to go back to sleep, the lazy jerk, and he could feel Denzel and Fenrir behind him preparing to climb onto his shoulders. He smiled when they both crawled up him and nuzzled against their soft cheeks affectionately, even after Fenrir started chewing on his ear. He kept one hand on the new Eevee's back, just in case he turned out to be afraid of others of his kind. From the way his tail had perked up and the soft sounds of delight he was making, Cloud doubted that was the case.
"I think I'll call you Pooka," he murmured to the little creature in his lap. "It's a lucky name. And you could definitely use some luck."
He had quite a few press-releases for the gym to write, and lots of work to do on the fence out back and the barrack where Sephiroth's larger pokémon tended to stay. (The house he'd built for his Eevees was still in tip-top shape, though with another addition he'd have to add some more bedding—once he was willing to let little Pooka out with the others.)
Despite the work he still had to do, he lounged in bed for a while, eventually lying back with Pooka snuggled in his arms, still shy and uncertain around the strange Eevees. He was always happiest here, laying in the soft bed at his new home that he shared, still smelling Sephiroth's shampoo on the bed, covered in the Eevees he'd rescued over the years snuggling and playing all around him.
"Eee?" Pooka whispered in his ear.
"We're very similar, you know," Cloud whispered, staring up at the ceiling and petting Pooka's head. "People think Eevees aren't important, just because there are a lot of you. Just because you're not super-strong, and might not evolve into what they want… People think like that about me too—They've always thought I was kind of disposable. But you're going to be safe here, Pooka, and I won't ever abandon you."
He closed his eyes, thinking of Sephiroth's green eyes and soft smile. "And I'm not going to be abandoned or forgotten either…"