Chapter 22 - Delicious Ants

AN: And now for something completely different, a safe-for-all-audiences chapter featuring adorable animals.

"Tony?" Pepper called out. "What are you looking for?"And couldn't he do it more quietly?No one answered, and she became suspicious. He had better not be drunk, Pepper thought as she threw the covers off with an aggravated sigh, stretched, and marched to the en suite bathroom with the intent to knee Tony in the groin, or at least give him a good punch in the shoulder, for waking her up on the first day off she'd had in almost a month.

When she opened the door, there was no one there, and she blinked, thinking she had finally gone insane. "JARVIS, where's Tony?"

"Sir has fallen asleep on the couch in his lab," JARVIS told her.

"Okay—second question, was there someone in this bathroom a minute ago?"

"I believe you will find them hiding behind the shower curtain," JARVIS informed her, voice placid as ever. The theme from Psycho played in Pepper's head as her eyes snapped towards the shower curtain and she was suddenly, horrifyingly awake. "I would urge you to stay calm, Ms. Potts," the AI told her. "It is only Loki hiding in your shower."

"Sorry, did you just say—?"

"Loki, Thor's younger sibling. Loki, why don't you come out and say hello to Ms. Potts? She will not harm you."

Pepper startled when she heard a rustling sound from behind the shower curtain, and grabbed the nearest, heaviest thing she could find to defend herself with, which happened to be a lighted makeup mirror with a stainless-steel base. "Really, Ms. Potts, please try not to overreact," said JARVIS as the curtain was pushed aside, and a reed-thin teenage girl with dark hair stared up at her from the bottom of the tub, her eyes large and doe-like.

She lowered the makeup mirror, which she had raised above her head, and stared at the girl. "Who are you?" she demanded.

The girl stood and stepped out of the shower. "I'm sorry, Lady Potts. I did not think you were at home, and I—" She seemed to have trouble finding the next words.

"What are you doing in my bathroom?"

"I was looking to borrow a few things," the girl said in a voice so small that Pepper almost couldn't hear her.

"Who are you?" Pepper repeated. Apparently, her brain had gotten stuck in a loop, but then, she hadn't gotten an answer the first time.

The girl bit her lower lip as she stared back, and JARVIS answered for her. "I told you, Ms. Potts, this girl is Loki, Thor's sibling."

"As in, leader of the Chitauri Loki? As in, threw Tony out of a window Loki?"

The girl bowed her head, and begun tracing the pattern of the bathroom tile with the toe of one of her shoes.

"The Loki before you is one and the same," the AI confirmed. "Though you should know, Ms. Potts, that due to an odd turn of events, she is currently mortal and possesses no extraordinary powers. She is hardly a threat to you."

"I didn't mean any harm," said the girl, wringing her hands and speaking no louder than she had before. "As I said, I did not realize you were at home. But I was hoping to perhaps borrow some of your cosmetics, as I have a rather important meeting this morning."

"An important meeting?"

"Yes, my mother arranged for the Sorcerer Supreme to meet with me."

"Does Tony know you're—you're—?"

"If you mean does he know I'm living in your building, the answer is yes, as he is the one who invited my mother and I to stay here. If you mean does he know I am in your private quarters going through your things, then no. I apologize for my behavior, and will accept any punishment you deem fitting."

Pepper just couldn't reconcile this girl with the image she had of Loki, the supervillain alien warlord who had murdered his way across the globe, let aliens loose in New York, and had nearly killed Tony in a fit of rage. For one thing, wasn't Loki male? And this girl looked like she was about sixteen.

It had to be some sort of prank. An extremely strange, tasteless prank that Tony was pulling on her. "JARVIS, what month is it?" she asked. At that moment, she was having trouble remembering.

"Why, it's February, Ms. Potts."

Okay, so it was a little early for April Fools. Still— "Tony, I know you're around here somewhere. Ha-ha, real funny, you got me. You can come out now."

The girl in front of her shifted uneasily, and eyed Pepper as if she might be insane, which maybe she was.

"Sir is still in his lab, Ms. Potts. Would you like me to wake him for you and ask him to come up?"

She gave her best Pan Am smile to JARVIS's camera (initially, she had felt a little weird about having one in the bathroom, but Tony had assured her it was necessary for security purposes, and that JARVIS didn't save recordings of her showering). "Tell him he had better get his ass up here now, because whatever this is, he's got some explaining to do." She pulled the bench out from below the vanity and sat down, patting the seat next to her. "Well, whoever you are, you might as well sit down while we wait."

After a moment of hesitation, the girl sat. Her hands fidgeted nervously in her lap.

Tony managed to make it from his laboratory up to the penthouse in record time. He froze in the door to the en suite and pointed at the girl. "You—what are you doing up here?"

"I am sorry, Lord Stark," the girl said, without meeting his eyes. "I did not know your lady would be here. It was not my intention to frighten her."

"Then what were you doing?"

"I wished to wear makeup for my meeting with the Sorcerer Supreme. I thought it unwise to borrow from Natasha without permission—"

"No kidding. Did you maybe think to ask someone? Seriously, Loki, how many times have I told you to just tell JARVIS what you need?"

The girl lowered her eyes to her lap again as she pulled a loose thread at the bottom of her hoodie. "I did ask Natasha, but she said no. I did not think there would be time to send off for anything."

"Invading other people's personal space is like, big time against the rules. Now there are going to have to be consequences." Tony sounded much too whiny to come off as authoritative if that was his goal. "Can't you just go two days without getting in trouble? This has to be a record."

"Hold on," Pepper interrupted, feeling like she needed to intervene, but not feeling like she had enough information. "Tony, I need you to explain what's going on to me."

Tony sighed and flicked his head in the direction of their bedroom. Pepper gave the girl one last look before following him.

Now it was Tony looking down at his feet, fidgeting and looking guilty. "Okay, so while you were in Toronto, I took a different sort of business trip—to Asgard."

Pepper's eyebrows flew up. "Asgard?" she repeated. "You took a business trip off planet?"

"Thor asked me and Bruce to go. Oh, and Doc. You'll like Lenny, Pep. He's one of Bruce's colleagues from Culver, or at least I think that's how they know each other. Bruce has been kinda cagey about it. Anyway, the guy's a psychiatrist."

Pepper nodded. "Okay. So you, Bruce, and a psychiatrist friend of his took a trip to Asgard at Thor's request."

"Yeah. He wanted some help with—" He nodded towards the open door to their en suite.

Pepper's eyebrows crawled even higher, almost of their own volition. "You mean that's really Loki?"

"Yup. They thought the kid might still have aliens playing around with his brain, you know, how Clint and Selvig had Loki playing around with theirs?"

"Loki was being mind-controlled too?"

"Something like that, anyway. Not exactly the same thing. Anyway, while we were there, Loki cast a spell that turned him into a non-immortal teenage girl. Well, I mean, he was young to begin with, Pep, that part didn't change, turns out he was always a teenager in Asgardian years. Then she couldn't figure out how to undo it, and Odin threw her out of Asgard for the crime of being mortal—you know how it goes."

"Okay, let's say any of that makes sense," said Pepper. "Why is she in our bathroom?"

"Because she has this thing where she can't just ask for what she needs, because some screwed up part of her brain is telling her that if she asks, she definitely won't get it—that's my current theory, anyway."

"Not what I meant, Tony. Why is she in the tower?"

"Because she and her mom live here now? After Dad threw her out for being mortal, Mom decided to up and leave too. Anyway, they didn't have anywhere else to go, so—" Of course, Tony would extend his hospitality to the family of an Avenger, even if one of those family members happened to be Earth's enemy number one.

At least it sounded like there was more to that story. Pepper nodded as if it were all perfectly reasonable. "Okay, so what's this about Loki having an appointment with someone?"

"Oh right, Frigga told us about that last night, after—actually, I don't want to get into that right now, because it involves me being a little stupid, but I promise I'll fill you in later. Anyway, the kid's supposed to be meeting with the Sorcerer Supremo or something, because they might be able to help her regain her magic, so that she can turn back into herself—or himself, whatever the case may be."

Pepper could understand wanting to make a good impression on someone important, someone who had something that she desperately needed. Also, the sooner this could all be resolved, the sooner she could go back to sleep. "I'll see what I can find her," she promised Tony.

"Oh, that would be great, Pep. Still going to have to dole out some consequences for her acting up, though. We have an agreement about that. Of course, you were the one she was trying to 'borrow' from without permission, so maybe you ought to decide on something appropriate."

Pepper knew that Tony just didn't want to be responsible for "doling out consequences." She had always figured that if they had kids, she would be stuck with the job of disciplinarian. "I don't think we need to be too hard on her, Tony. I used to borrow makeup and clothing from my mother when I was a teenager, and I didn't ask permission every time. It's just something girls do. Although I'm a little confused as to why Loki's a girl now?"

"Magical gender-fluid demigod, just like in the myths," Tony said, and that was all he needed to say. Life was strange and had been for some time.

*:･ﾟ✧*: ←o~o+ ･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

Pepper hadn't just lent Loki her cosmetics, she'd set her up with a set of her own, from the extras she had on hand that hadn't been opened yet. Pepper had explained that she had more than she could ever use, so much that she'd been meaning to donate the majority of it to one of the local women's shelters; apparently being CEO of Stark Industries and one half of a "power couple" with Tony Stark meant that cosmetics companies just sent her things in the hope that she would mention them in an interview or on social media.

"You shouldn't share makeup anyway," the woman had told her. Of course, Loki should have considered that sharing paints would be another way of spreading germs, and she had had quite enough of being sick, nor would she wish to make Lady Pepper ill.

Like the other Midgardians she had met, Lady Pepper treated her kindly for no reason she could discern. She had gone as far as to help her with her eyeliner, which was quite tricky when you couldn't just magic it on. "There," the woman said, as she added a little more blush to her cheeks as well. "Looking good," the woman said. "I'd like to tell you that you don't need it, but if I'm being honest you actually look a little healthier with some color on you. You really must have had a rough week."

Loki nodded. "So long as I look acceptable. I would not like the Sorcerer Supreme of this realm to think me a slouch."

"Miss Loki, the Sorcerer Supreme is here," JARVIS announced. "Your meeting is to take place in the atrium as soon as you are ready."

"The tower has an atrium?" asked Loki.

"It's a few floors down, on the same level as our automated hydroponics farm," Pepper explained. "A while back, Tony went on this eco-friendly kick and decided that the tower should be as self-sufficient as possible. So now we grow our own vegetables, which are eaten by the tower's residents and also served by the cafeteria down on the ground floor. Come on, I'll show you."

They took the elevator down, and it opened out onto a scene unlike anything else he had seen in the tower. The ceiling of this floor was much higher than the ceilings of the residence floors, and the space was filled with what seemed like natural lighting, even though Loki could tell that most of it came from lighted panels in the ceiling. Pepper led the way through a maze of waist-high troughs overspilling with greens. "Usually there would be a few SI employees around—everything's one hundred percent automated, so there aren't any maintenance workers, but people like to take their breaks up here." Loki could understand why. The fresh greenery and slightly chill air made for a calming atmosphere. "It's Friday though, and since yesterday was Valentines and Monday is Presidents Day, a lot of our employees have taken off the entire weekend. The building is almost empty."

"Valentines Day is your holiday celebrating lovers, is it not?" Loki wondered if Thor knew about Valentines Day. Probably not. Likely, he hadn't given a thought to Jane since he'd returned her to Midgard. Loki wasn't sure why she'd ever been worried about their relationship lasting long enough for the difference in their rates of maturation to be an issue. She really didn't see them making it another six months.

"Don't tell Tony, but I scheduled my business trip specifically to avoid coming back before it was over. I really didn't want a repeat of last Valentines—or my birthday, for that matter." Loki tilted her head, and Pepper took it for the question it was. "Tony tends to overdo things a little. Last year, there were mariachis, a margarita machine, and so many vases of flowers and teddy bears that you couldn't walk through the penthouse. I had to arrange to have them all transported to the local children's hospital the next day—which was nice for them, I guess, but I wish they'd just gone there to begin with. Anyway, I thought maybe it would be a one time thing, since it was our first Valentines together, but basically the same thing happened on my birthday. Except instead of mariachis, he got me not just one Gorilla Gram, but forty of them. I was in meetings all day, but every time I went out in the hallway and turned around a corner, I had people in gorilla costumes jumping out at me, singing at me and trying to hand me flowers and balloons. If Tony had had the guts to show his face all day, I would have killed him. I did punch a gorilla that jumped out in front of me when I was getting off the elevator."

"Why ever are you still seeing the man?" asked Loki.

"Because I know he has good intentions, and that his tendency to overdo things comes from a place of insecurity."

"So insecurity is attractive to you?"

Pepper didn't answer that.

They passed by a trough full of herbs, and Loki stopped to close her eyes and breathe in the pleasant aroma of rosemary and lemon grass that filled the air. She noticed something else in the air, something familiar that buzzed pleasantly against her lips. Strong magic, coming from somewhere in the vicinity. "The atrium is this way," said Pepper, and though Loki's eyes were still closed, he could hear the clicking of her heels as she headed towards the magic's source.

When she had heard the word "atrium," Loki had expected that there would be trees and flowers like those that grew elsewhere in New York City, but instead, it was like stepping into a lush tropical rain forest. "We're cultivating quite a few endangered plants in here," said Pepper, as she led the way down a path—and yes, it did go down, the atrium must have been built spanning what ought to have been multiple levels of the tower. The path then curved and took them through a small tunnel. On the other side, they walked through a grove of tall, thin trees, and Loki froze when he saw something move in them out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, she found herself staring into the dark eyes of something that reminded her somewhat of a tiny dragon crossed with an anteater, and which hung upside down by its tail from the limb above. "Lady Pepper, what is that?"

The click of Pepper's heels stopped, and she sighed. "It's the pangolin Tony brought home from South Africa."

"Pangolin?" Loki prompted, finding herself enchanted with the tiny, scaled mammal. She had begun to realize that Midgard was full of wonders she had never known existed—and that some of them were extremely cute.

"It's critically endangered, and we're really not supposed to have it in here—from everything I've read, they don't even do well in captivity, although JARVIS says that the conditions in here are ideal, and we've brought in plenty of food for it."

"Tony has a habit of bringing home strays without asking you, doesn't he?"

Pepper sighed again, a bone deep sort of sigh this time, but she gave Loki a small smile. "The Avengers ended up breaking up a pangolin poaching ring, and Tony smuggled one back here. Not sure what he was thinking, I guess he just kind of bonded with it somehow? It's fine though—unless the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service or the Environmental Protection Agency finds out. God, that's going to be a legal nightmare. It would serve Tony right if he ended up in jail." At a certain point, the woman was mostly muttering to herself.

Loki's eyes flicked between the bedraggled woman and the pangolin. "So Friend Pangolin must remain hidden as well." It was easy enough to see herself in the pangolin. Perhaps if she got her magic back, she could turn herself into a pangolin and keep this little one company for a while.

"Well, if anyone did find out, it wouldn't be so bad for the pangolin. Either it would end up at a zoo or released back into the wild." Pepper's heels began to click down the paved pathway again, and Loki followed. They came upon a small clearing—or more of a landing, perhaps—and Loki saw Frigga, though her back was to them as she spoke to someone wearing a yellow robe with a large hood. Loki knew at once that this was the Sorcerer Supreme of Midgard. An energy surrounded the figure that spoke of ancient magic, or at least that which could be considered ancient for a relatively young realm.

Frigga nodded reverently to her conversation partner. Turning to see Loki and Pepper, she came to meet them. She placed her hands on Loki's shoulders and gave them a firm squeeze. "The Ancient One wishes to meet with you alone. Remember to be respectful, Loki."

"When am I not?"

Frigga arched an eyebrow at her. "I mean it."

"Yes, Mother." Loki knew better than to roll her eyes, but it was difficult not to.

"Well, good luck," Pepper said, giving her one last small, encouraging smile before she left with Frigga.

Meanwhile, the person her mother had referred to as the Ancient One had seated themself on the ground, even though a perfectly good bench stood a few feet away. As she approached them, Loki wondered if it might be proper to bow or curtsy—she wasn't certain of the protocol in this situation, a bit of a unique feeling given she had spent much of her life studying the etiquette expected between her and the most important of the nine. She had never expected to meet a Sorcerer Supreme of Midgard though, mostly because she had assumed there was no such thing. The figure before her swept an arm in front of them, beckoning her to join them in sitting on the ground. Reluctantly, Loki did so, and nodded in a gesture that she hoped would be appropriately respectful.

The Sorcerer Supreme folded their hood back. Loki was now ninety percent certain that the Ancient One was biologically female, based on bone structure alone. But with mortals you could never be completely sure just by looking at them, and the Ancient One didn't seem to be presenting themself as female. They were completely bald and wore no face paints, jewelry, or other adornment, but Loki wouldn't have said they were presenting themself as male either.

Loki supposed that if she wanted to know how the Ancient One identified, she ought to ask, but it didn't actually seem relevant.

The Ancient One stared at him expressionlessly, and after a moment, Loki decided that perhaps she was meant to speak first. She cleared her voice. "Thank you for agreeing to help me."

"I haven't agreed to help you yet," the Ancient One told her. "I have only agreed to meet with you."

"I see," said Loki, shifting uncomfortably under the Ancient One's unblinking stare. "And I suppose I'm to prove myself worthy of your help."

"Actually, I'm almost certain you aren't worth my time, Loki of Asgard."

Loki nodded as if in quiet acceptance, but when she spoke, it was through grit teeth. "No, of course not. I am worthless, a monster, undeserving of help from anyone—is that what you've come all the way to tell me?"

"It would be unnecessary for me to tell you such a thing, if that is what you already believe."

"Of course that's not what I believe!"

"But those are your words," the Ancient One pointed out.

"You think you're so smart, don't you?"

The Ancient One's eyebrows arched upwards. "Do you believe it's in your interest to become angry with me?"

"You're obviously trying to make me angry. What's that, your little test? Loki is volatile, she's too dangerous to be trusted with her own magic—"

"Again, your words, not mine."

Loki knew that if this was a test, she was failing it miserably. But what did she care for the opinion of some Midgardian sorcerer? Even if this was the most powerful sorcerer in Midgard, that should put them right up there with a novice Aesir magic user starting their first day of training.

"That's it, I don't need this," Loki decided. But as she stood, the Ancient One stuck their hand out, traced a golden mandala in the air, and flung it towards her, knocking her off her feet.

Loki's eyesight blurred, and then resolved itself, but only somewhat. On the other hand, her sense of smell seemed to have increased a hundred-fold. She could smell the herbs that she had passed in the hydroponic garden again, along with every individual flower, fruit, and living creature in the immediate area.

She also felt a good deal smaller than before, and much too exposed. Loki swished her scaly tale and scampered across the ground on her hind legs, wobbling her way into the relative safety of the trees.

Things had gone just as well as could have been expected. She had managed to tick off the mortals' Sorcerer Supreme in record time, so she was a pangolin now, with no way of turning herself back into even her mortal form. She could only hope that the spell would wear off, or that Frigga would find her and figure out a way to turn her back.

For now, she supposed she would enjoy life as a pangolin. Perhaps that other pangolin knew where to find some delicious ants.

╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

Author's Note:

And Loki lived happily ever after as a pangolin.

Not really. We still have nine or ten more chapters to go. But seriously, did anyone expect Loki's meeting with the Sorcerer Supreme to go better than that?

Any and all comments appreciated. This is me reading your comments: (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))