Hello again! I Hope you all are doing well! I know that these few chapters are not much as far as big action events, but they'll start speeding up again soon, don't worry! I think the next chapter will be one you'll really enjoy so I can't wait to get to it! In the meantime, I'll let you get through this one! As always, I fully admit that I hold no ownership over anything Marvel. And with that being said, I hope you enjoy! Xoxo-NickyLynn
Tessa startled awake the next morning, having heard someone moving about her room. She pushed herself up on her elbows, her head held above the plush pillow, as she looked behind her to find Frigga standing in the bright light filtering in through the large windows. Tessa let out a groan at the light, it seeming far too bright for her eyes. She dropped her head back onto the pillow as she registered the pounding within her skull. Tessa had not experienced a hangover since she was much younger. Her body metabolized alcohol far too quickly for her to get drunk, let alone suffering from a hangover, but the drinks Thor had been giving her were nothing like the drinks found on Earth. She and Thor had drunk round after round, Thor set of proving he could at least beat her in that. They downed drink after drink, and for the first since she had been given the serum, she found herself feeling the effects of the alcohol. She had drunk herself into a stupor and now she was feeling the repercussions of it.
"I see you and Thor enjoyed yourself last night." Frigga said in amusement, noticing her daughter's disheveled appearance.
Tessa cracked an eye open again, looking over at her mother's amused face. "Last night's enjoyment has evolved into today's regret." Tessa mumbled out through a dry throat.
"Well, I came to see if you would permit me to help dress you today, seeing as you had trouble with it yesterday, but if you rather rest, I can always come back another time." Frigga told her, taking a step back.
Tessa pushed herself back up, willing herself past the effects of the alcohol. "No, no. That sounds nice." She said, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes. "Just give me a moment in the bathroom."
Tessa slid out of the comfort of the soft bed and padded over to the bathroom as Frigga moved over to the large armoire sitting along the wall. After Tessa refreshed herself, using cold water to wash her face, she returned to her room, beginning to feel immensely better. She found Frigga laying out a long dress, it's white silk fabric and gold accents shimmering under the morning light. "Come." Frigga said, waving a hand to usher Tessa closer. "I will show you how to dress and then I will help show you how to wear your hair in a traditional Asgardian style."
Tessa obeyed her mother's requests and let her get the clothing around her body. She pulled and tugged at the sashes, drawing them in tightly against her abdomen before tying them in place. Once she was done making adjustments, making sure things were in their proper place, Tessa sat down at the vanity table and let Frigga brush through her hair.
Tessa found herself relaxing into Frigga's touch. The feeling of her fingers running through her hair bringing her a comfort she hadn't felt since she was a small child. "Such a peculiar color." Frigga commented, as she began separating Tessa's hair into sections. "So different from the small raven-haired girl I remember."
"I had hoped my natural color would return over the years." Tessa said, watching Frigga's reflection. "But it never did. The cells were too damaged by the Tesseract's power."
"The tesseract?" Frigga asked, pausing in her movements and bringing her eyes up to meet Tessa's in the mirror.
"It was used to stabilize the serum they injected into me to enhance my cells. It's what I derived my powers from." Tessa said, realizing her mother didn't know much about her past, nor she hers.
"And this was done by the people who captured you in the war?" Frigga asked her.
"Hydra." Tessa said, nodding. "Very bad men who wanted to do very bad things."
"Are they the one who gave you these scars?" her mother asked softly, her finger running across one of the white lines raised along her back, the dress she was wearing revealing more of them than Tessa would have liked.
Tessa shivered as the memories washed over her. "The scars on the surface are so much less than the scars they have left inside." Tessa told her. "Hydra took many things from me….and left me with one never-escapable reminder of what they did." She said, raising up her hind and watching as it began to burn with a soft blue glow.
Frigga remained silent as she watched her daughter's eye grow distant as memories consumed her. She reached out and placed her hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "I am sorry we were not there to protect you. If we would have known-" she began before Tessa stopped her.
"I know." Tessa told her with a sad smile. "Hydra is in my past now….where it belongs." She told her, dropping her hand and shaking the painful thoughts away.
"And you are home." Frigga said, squeezing her shoulder again before she brought her attention back to her hair and began twisting and manipulating it again. "So, what would you desire today, dear? Is there anything you wish to see?"
"To be honest, I could use a rest from the sight-seeing. Thor took me to see so much yesterday, that I was hoping to spend today learning more of my family." Tessa told her.
"And did you desire to see Loki today?" Frigga inquired with a raised eyebrow.
"I was hoping to, yes." Tessa said. "I had wanted to go see him after eating, then perhaps you and I could spend the day together? There is much I wish to know about you."
"And I of you." Frigga responded with a warm smile. "I should like that very much."
Frigga helped Tessa finish getting ready and then led her down to the dining hall, so that the two could break their fast together. Thor had opted to take his breakfast in his room, which Tessa guessed was due to the massive amount of alcohol consumed the night before. Afterall, Thor had proved his point and successfully bested her, drinking nearly twice as much as she. She had a feeling he would be hiding in his room for several hours at least. And as Odin had already eaten while Frigga helped Tessa get ready, it was just the two women left to talk over the delicious morning food.
Tessa found that she rather liked spending time in Frigga's company. The older woman was kind and shared endless stories and wisdom, telling Tessa things of her own past that interested her. Frigga had not grown up on Asgard like Tessa had thought, so she found herself asking endless questions, wanting to know more about the woman who gave her life. After they were done eating, Frigga escorted her down to the prison cells. She instructed the guards to give Tessa and Loki ten minutes together, so while Tessa descended the stairs into the familiar corridor, they remained outside along with Frigga, giving her and Loki as much privacy as they could.
As Tessa walked up to his cell, she found him sitting on the floor with his back propped up against the wall and a thick book in his hands. He didn't acknowledge her presence as she approached, just kept his eyes glued to the pages below.
"Hello again." Tessa said hesitantly, coming to a stop in front of the magic-infused barrier. She smoothed out the back of her dress before bringing herself down and sitting on the steps, turning sideways to face him. He still refused to look at her, nor did he address her. "Won't you even look at me?" she asked him.
She could see a muscle in Loki's jaw tense, but his eyes did not lift to her. "And what do I owe this visit to? Come to share more of your infinite wisdom with me?" he asked, eyes still on the paper in his hands.
"No, in fact, I was hoping you could share some of yours." She told him. "Thor's taken me to see all his favorite spots in Asgard, and I was hoping you could tell me some of yours. Something tells me you're your favorite spots are drastically more….quiet than Thor's." she said. "Where would you take me if you could show Asgard to me?"
"Why does it matter?" he bit out at her. "It's not like I can show you any of them anyways. You'll just have to find satisfaction in spending time with your brother."
"I have spent time with my brother. And now I'm here because I wish to spend time with you as well." Tessa told him., trying to remind herself that he spoke from a place of pain.
Loki finally looked up to her then, his eyes swirling with a mix of emotions that Tessa couldn't discern. "You are wasting your time then. Only a fool would see a murderous criminal as someone worthy of your time. What do you hope to gain? There is nothing I have to offer you but misery." He told her sharply.
"A fool is not the worst thing I have ever been called." She responded with a shrug, trying not to let his words cut into her like he wanted them to. Silence reigned again as Loki's eyes fell back on his book. Several minutes ticked by as he kept his focus down on his book, refusing to engage in conversation with her. Though by the lack of movement made by his eyes, she wondered if he actually was reading or if he was just using it as an excuse not to look at her. "Have you ever read any Midgardian literature?" she asked him curiously, noting the strange symbols on the worn cover.
"Several, though none have ever been anything remarkable. I'm not sure Midgardians would know true literature, even if they were hit upon the head with it. Dull, unimaginative creatures." He said disdainfully.
"Perhaps you've just not read anything good." She responded. "When's the last time you even visited Midgard, anyways?" she inquired, genuinely interested in the answer.
"I haven't wasted my time with the bore of Midgardian culture in nearly a century." He told her, turning the page of his book.
"Well then I can see why you would find no joy in our literature. A century for you must be ages on Earth. Have you heard of Shakespeare?" she asked, only to receive silence again. Tessa began fussing with her nails, not sure how to continue a conversation he didn't seem interested in. "I beat Thor in a fight." She finally said after a minute, causing to look up at her again with a lifted brow. "I sent him flying across the training yard on his ass in front of his friends. I think I rather embarrassed him." She said with a smile.
Tessa watched the corner of Loki's lip up ever so slightly. "Now that is something I would have paid to see." He told her, his words suddenly no longer filled with venom.
Tessa smiled over at him, glad she had broken through to him, if only minutely. Loki's smile fell as he watched her smiling at him….as if she could actually be happy in his presence. It seemed that no matter how harsh he was to her, she would not give up in her efforts to converse with him. "Why are you here Rania?" he asked eventually, snapping his book shut.
"I told you, I just wish to spend time getting to know you is all." Tessa told him.
"Yes, but why?" he asked again, shaking his head, not understanding. "My own family has cast me aside like a broken dog! I am left rotting away down here while they continue on with their lives, content in forgetting the would-be son who disappointed them! That should tell you all you need to know. That should be reason enough for you to know that I am not worth your efforts!" he nearly yelled out at her.
Tessa watched him, and the pain she felt lingering behind the harsh words he spoke was clear as day to her. She swallowed down the lump in her throat as she drew in a breath. "Thirty-two people." Tessa said after a moment, looking over at him with pain-filled eyes of her own.
"What?" Loki asked, confused.
"I've killed thirty-two innocent people in my life." She continued, eliciting a look of surprise from him. "One of whom was the only man who ever loved me." She confessed, her eyes dropping down to the stairs she sat on. "We're all capable of horrible deeds, Loki." She told him with a shake of her head. "Some of the greatest people I know have skeletons hanging in their closets that you wouldn't believe. I, myself, am haunted by ghosts of those who have fallen because of me. You think you're the only monster in this world?" she asked, bringing her eyes back up to him. "Yours are not the only hands which are stained red. I thought for the longest time that I was not worthy of forgiveness…..that my life would always be tarnished by their blood….but then I met a man who offered me his hand and gave me a chance to prove myself." She told him, eyes locked onto his own. "We all deserve the chance to be seen as something more than our worst mistakes, Loki."
A beat of silence passed between them and as Loki opened his mouth to respond, one of the guards from the end of the hall walked back into the corridor, calling out that their time was up. Tessa looked from the soldier over to Loki. The words he had been ready to say died on his lips as Tessa let out a breath and pushed herself up. She looked down to him one last time, giving him the best smile she could muster. "I'll be back in a few days." She told him with a nod, before turning and descending the steps.
"There's a library." Loki said as she hit the end of the steps. She turned to look over at him in question. "There's a library in the East Tower," he continued, his eyes still cast down on the spot she had been sitting. "there's a private section dedicated solely to the royal family, though you'll never catch Thor or Odin there. It's where I would go when I craved solitude. That's where I would take you." He told her, his eyes lifting up to meet hers, so much pain drifting in the depths of them.
Tessa smiled down at him. "I look forward to seeing it, thank you." She told him before she turned and continued walking away and out of his view. Tessa gave the stationed guards a thank you as she passed before coming to a stop in front of her mother.
"How did it go?" she asked her curiously.
"Well." Tessa responded. "I think. I wonder, could you show me to the library in the East Tower? There is something I would like to see."
Frigga smiled over at her, having an idea of why it was Tessa wanted to visit there. "Of course." She told her brightly. Tessa followed Frigga once again through the halls of the palace, and as she did, she couldn't help but notice the change that had occurred in the individuals they passed. No longer would they turn and giggle as they moved past. Instead, they would tip their heads respectively, passing along a warm greeting to the Allmother and herself. Tessa wasn't sure if it was the change in her appearance that caused the shift in them, or Frigga's presence by her side, but either way Tessa found it immensely easier to ignore their linger stares.
As they made it to the East Tower, one of Frigga's handmaidens came running up behind them, her shoes clacking against the hard stone of the floor as she did. They turned at the sound of her labored breathing has she came to a stop behind them. "Oh, thank goodness I've found you Allmother." The girl said, letting out a long breath. "Your presence is being requested my Lady. I've been sent to find you posthaste."
"Oh, thank you Britta." Frigga said. "Do you think you could finish escorting my daughter to the library while I go so what it is I'm needed for?"
"Yes, of course!" The young girl responded instantly, her eyes moving over to Tessa.
"That's alright, I'm sure I can find it myself!" Tessa said, waving the idea away.
"Are you sure? I know these halls can be nothing short of a maze sometimes." Frigga responded, looking over at Tessa with a raised brow.
"I'm sure I can manage! Besides if I get too lost, I'm sure I can flag someone down and ask for help." She reasoned.
"Alright, enjoy yourself and come find me after. We'll take lunch together in the garden." Frigga told her, feeling bad for being called away.
"Thank you, Frigga." Tessa told her before she turned and continued further down the hall by herself. Once the two women's footsteps behind her faded into the distance, Tessa was enveloped in a silence filled only with her own footsteps. It seemed that this area was not frequented by visitors very often. Happy to have the solitude to delve back into her thoughts, Tessa wandered through the halls, opening this door and that, trying to find her destination. After about the fifth door, Tessa poked her head into a room and the smell of old books filled her senses. "Bingo!" she exclaimed, pushing the door further open and walking into the large dimly lit room. To her right sat a group of comfortable looking seats in font of a burning fireplace. The fire cast the area in a warm glow that felt welcoming. She wandered in, looking over the rows and rows of books that filled the room from floor to ceiling. There were stacks upon stacks of books, all looking old and wonderfully alluring. The fire cast several shadows about the room, making the area feel like a mystery waiting to be discovered.
Tessa walked up to the nearest row, running her fingers along the spines of the books. She began to wonder what it must have been like to grow up with access to this much knowledge. Tessa's mind drifted back to a time when she had to walk miles down to the nearest library, dragging Steve along with her, in search of knowledge to fill her empty mind with. It would be an all-day trip any time she would want to exchange her old books for new, and this library was vastly larger. She found herself mourning the chance she could have had to grow up with these books. She walked along the rows of endless pages, lost in thought before a throat clearing behind her startled her.
She spun around to find an older man with long white hair and a thin frame, watching her from behind small glasses that sat low on his long, pointed nose. "I don't recall seeing you within the walls before." He said, in a gravelly voice. "May I help you find anything in particular?"
"Oh." Tessa said, finding it fitting that a library as old as this would have a librarian equally as old. "Yes, actually. Could you point me in the direction of the royals' private section?" she asked him, clasping her hands together in front of her.
Tessa could see the wheels turning inside the elderly keeper's head before his face lifted up in a wide smile. "The whole kingdom's been abuzz with the news of the return of our long-lost princess! I was hoping you would come strolling through these doors again! Welcome home, my Princess." He said, bowing stiffly, his bones not letting him bow much lower.
"Thank you, but please call me Tessa." She told him. "I have to admit that the title of princess still feels foreign to me."
"As you wish Lady Tessa. I am Olav, the keeper of these books." He said in introduction. "There were many a day that I would find you and the young Prince hiding amongst these rows of books." He told her. "In fact, if feels like just yesterday I would find you sleeping just there, having fallen asleep with a book in your hand." He told her, motioning over towards the fireplace and seats surrounding it. "It is good to see you again, my Lady."
Tessa's eyes drifted from his withered face, over to the couch, trying to picture her small form curled up in the corner. "Thank you for sharing that with me." She told him with a smile. "I wish I could remember those days." She mused.
"Of course, it's just so tragic what happened." He said as he turned and began walking away. Tessa sped to catch up with him, falling in step beside him. "All of Asgard mourned your loss. But none as deeply as the Allmother and young prince. It's such a sad thing, watching the light of hope drain from another's eyes."
"I find myself guilty, knowing the pain my disappearance caused." She admitted to him as she walked slowly along side his shuffling form.
"Guilt is funny thing." He said, waving his wrinkles hand in the air. "A fly lands in the path of a horse and gets crushed under its hoof. Who should feel burdened with guilt? The fly for landing in the horse's path, or the horse for not looking where it was stepping? Neither party had knowledge of the other and so who should feel the guilt? One? Both? Neither?" he asked, walking them further into the heart of the library, coming to a long circular set of steps. "A daughter feels guilt over falling through a hole. A brother feels guilt over leading her to it. A mother feels guilt over letting them out of her sight. And a father feels guilt over not being able to protect the one thing the matters most." He mused as he began slowly climbing the winding steps. "Who should feel the guilt when none had knowledge of what was to come? Perhaps it is neither the horse nor the fly who should carry the heavy weight of guilt."
"And who should carry it then?" Tessa asked softly as she trailed along behind him, finding his peculiar wisdom intriguing.
The old bookkeeper looked over his shoulder at her as they came to a stop in front of a large wooden door. "Sometimes guilt should be left in the hands of fate, my dear, for there is no one else to blame." He said, a twinkle in his eyes. "But of course, what do I know of these matters." He said, shaking his head and pulling a set of keys from his pocket. "I am but an old man who has spent his years in the company of books and knows not of the troubles of the real world." He said as he turned the key and the door pushed open. "Ignore my words, for sometimes they know not when to stop." He said, looking back at her with a lopsided smile.
"No." Tessa said, shaking her head. "I find comfort in your words. Thank you." She told him earnestly.
"Well, that brings an old man joy. I shall leave you be from here. Find me should you require anything else." He told her before shuffling past her and began his descent back down the stairs.
Tessa called out another thanks before stepping through the open door and walking into the quiet room. She stepped out into a circular room, the walls filled with shelves and shelves of books, stretching around beyond what she could see. The ceiling was constructed of pure glass, letting the natural light filter into the room, brightening it with the sun's warm rays. It was a beautiful room, yet the most beautiful aspect was the center of the glass, which was artfully made of different colored glass that was laid out in a beautiful swirling pattern. The light hit it and cast streams of color around the round room, filling it with an illuminance that almost felt magical.
She walked further into the room, her eyes trailing over the books sitting out on the stands throughout the room. The pages were left open on the spot where its last reader had left off, and Tessa wondered whom it was who left them there. Perhaps it was Loki himself, the last time he had visited this room. As Tessa's eyes wandered around the room, she couldn't help but see for herself why it was Loki would seek solitude here. It was such a comforting place. The smells…the light….the lounge chairs spread out around the area….everything pulled her in and wrapped a warmth around her that she found herself relishing in. She could feel something stir inside her, and for the first time since she stepped foot in Asgard….she felt home.