Hello all! So, this chapter will be a little different from the rest. I'm throwing in a flashback, for a little extra Bucky-ness before he goes away for Age of Ultron. This one's for all my Bucky-lovers so I really hope you like this one! Let me know if you end up liking it and maybe I'll throw some more flashbacks at you in a different story dedicated to all those sweet moments between Tessa and everyone that I just can't make work in this full-length story! Anyways, as always, I claim no ownership over anything Marvel! With that out there, you may proceed! Enjoy! Xoxo-NickyLynn
Tessa thought she going to die in that river. Tessa should have died in that river. But she didn't. Someone had pulled her from depths of the water and Natasha and the others had found her laying on the riverbank a while later. So, when she opened her eyes again in the hospital room, after having been patched up, she was more conflicted than ever. Someone had pulled her from the water, and it hadn't been Steve, Natasha, Sam, or anyone else. Which left only one option….Bucky had saved her life. Bucky had chosen to save her life when he had been ordered to end it.
Tessa's eyes flicked over to Steve, who was sitting at her bedside, green bruises marring his face and a nasty gash that had been stitched together on his cheek. "We have to find him." She told him solemnly.
"We will." He said, reaching over and grabbing her hand. "We'll find him, Rose."
Tessa's mind flicked back to the image of his horribly confused eyes and couldn't stop herself from imagining what he must have been going through right now. She knew that if Bucky had truly defected from Hydra, that he would be on the run. Alone….and terrified. She all too well knew what it felt like to be alone and scared, having no idea who you are. But it wasn't some portal that Bucky had fallen through for a millennia that put him in this situation. No, it was her.
Tessa was once haunted by Bucky's skeleton hanging in her closet. It had been her that gotten him involved with Hydra in the first place, and it had been her that struck him from the train. His death had always been a large weight on her that pushed her under the waters of guilt, yet she suddenly was presented with the chance to sweep his skeleton from her closet. He had chosen to save her, which meant there was a part of him that had cared enough not to let her die. Bucky was still in there somewhere, and if she could find him and help bring him back to himself….well, perhaps then the guilt eating away at her would be lessened. She couldn't bring back Howard, Frigga, or Loki….but this she could do. She could save Bucky. She just had to find him first.
After nearly breaking out of the hospital, despite Steve's protests, Tessa called in a favor to Natasha. And Natasha, true to her word, was able to get her hands on something she desperately needed. But once she had it…well….she wasn't sure if wanted it. The contents of Hydra's file on Bucky were disconcerting to say the least. All the things they had done to him…..all the things they made him do….it seemed that before her guilt could be eased, it would first be magnified. And the weight of everything was slowly crushing her.
It was late one night, days after they had managed to bring down S.H.I.E.L.D., when she found herself at a familiar glass door. She had not slept a wink since waking in the hospital, and had just got done scouring through every single Hydra file she could get ahold of from the dump Natasha had put out on the web. She rapped her knuckles against the door a few times and, after a few minutes, the light inside came on and the blinds pulled back to reveals Sam's confused face.
When he noted Tessa standing outside his apartment in the middle of the night, alone, he pulled back the door as quick as he could. "If you're trying to recruit me to take down another secret government agency then it's a hard pass." He deadpanned.
Tessa's lip pulled up slightly at that. "No." she told him. "I just…well, I brought you a new car." She told him, tossing him over the set of keys to the Audi she had driven here in. "Felt bad about your last one." She admitted as he caught them.
"So, you came all this way in the middle of the night to replace my vehicle?" he asked her with a raised brow.
"Yes." Tessa said, before berating herself, because she knew she had wanted to come here for more than that. "I mean no. I just…" she said, running her fingers through her hair, suddenly feeling uneasy. "Were you still up for that talk?" she finally asked him.
Sam blinked over at her in surprise before pulling the door open all the way. "Come on in." he told her, seeing the turmoil behind her eyes. Tessa stepped inside and muttered a thanks as she passed. Once she was inside, he shut the door behind her and crossed his arms as she spun around to face him. "So, you finally decide that you want help carrying all that shit you've got strapped to your back?" he asked her, surprised she had actually taken him up on his offer.
Tessa bit her lip as she pulled her arms in around her, suddenly regretting her decision to come. "This was a mistake." She said as she took a step back towards him, going for the door. "I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry."
"Woah!" Sam said, putting his hands up and blocking her path. "Just hold on, okay?" Tessa came to a halt as he stepped up in front of her. "Look, you came here for a reason. Which means despite that 'couldn't-care-less' exterior you've got going on, you could use some help…or at least somebody to listen. So, why don't we just go sit down and I'll listen to whatever it is you feel like you gotta say." He told her, trying to keep her from bolting through the door.
Tessa looked up at him, weighing her decisions, before finally nodding and taking a step back. Sam led her into the living room and directed her to the small couch while he dropped himself down in the armchair across from it. Tessa hesitantly dropped herself onto the soft cushions, letting out a sigh. "Look you…you're not going to judge me for anything I tell you, will you?" she asked. "I just…if I wanted someone to give me the eyes of shame I'd have gone to Steve." She warned him.
"Eyes of shame?" he repeated with a lifted brow and a look of amusement.
"You know when he gets all…" Tessa began before narrowing her eyes down on him as she tried to recreate Steve's intense smolder. "I just don't think I can handle the judgment of all that is righteous right now." She told him before her face dropped down. "Please don't tell him I said that."
Sam let out a chuckle. "Nah, I get it. Whatever you think is so bad, I promise that this is a judgment free zone. No righteousness and no eyes of judgment."
Tessa drew in a breath as she nodded back. She was silent for a moment, having no idea how to begin. After a moment, her mouth fell open and she began. "I'm not human." She told him, figuring that was as good of place as any to start.
"Well you certainly are peculiar, I'll give you that, but that doesn't mean-" he began before Tessa cut him off with a shake of her head.
"No, I mean I'm from not from Earth. I was born on Asgard." She explained.
"Asgard?" he repeated, confused. "What, like that Thor dude who's built like a brick house?" he asked her.
"Thor's my brother." She told him. "Well, my biological brother. Of course, Steve will always be my brother no matter what, but yeah." She said with a shrug. "Apparently, I fell through a portal-type thing when I was young and after being lost for a thousand years, I ended up popping out here on Earth. I can't remember any of it though. My first memories are waking up in a hospital, having no idea who I was or where I came from. Steve's mother was a nurse there and ended up taking me in."
Sam sat and listened quietly, letting Tessa say whatever she felt needed to get off her chest. "It was hard….not knowing anything about the world around me. I was constantly reading book after book, trying to catch up to everyone around me. I found everything so fascinating and always wanted to know more about the things I came across. I used to drag Steve halfway across town to the library so I could load up with books every week. That's actually how we ended up meeting Bucky." She told him, pausing as old memories were dredged up. She drew in a breath as she brought her eyes up to Sam. "I know you think Bucky is a lost cause, and that hunting him down is a mistake, but Sam….you don't know him like we do…well, knew him. Bucky was there for us when nobody else was. He was our first friend." She said, going silent as she was swept away into memories long forgotten.
A young Rose was wandering through the quiet rows of the library, the familiar smell of old ink and paper filling her senses. Her eyes drifted from the plaques mounted on the sides of the wooden shelves to the small piece of paper in her hand that held the call number the librarian had been kind enough to write down for her. The kind, old woman, who managed the collection of books, had grown used to the small girl who would come seeking books on every topic under the sun over the past few years and Rose found herself counting her as a friend. She would always offer to help her find books on whatever curious topic had piqued her interest that week, and had even given her a large tote to carry her books back and forth after seeing her fumble with a large stack more than once.
She had already grabbed a few books on medical technologies and was now on her way to find a book the librarian had been kind enough to look up, as her curiosity had recently delved into combustion engines, amazed by the inner workings of them. It was a peculiar topic for a thirteen year old girl to want to borrow a book on, but it wasn't the strangest request Rose had made, and so, the kind woman didn't even bat an eye when Rose had come up to the desk and asked for her help. Rose was reading the row markers, looking for the section her call number would be located in when her eyes fell on the row she had been searching for. She began drifting down the hall, her eyes sweeping up and down the spines of the books, when a soft moan drew her attention further down the row.
She froze when her eyes landed on the dark silhouettes of an older boy and girl. They were only a little older than Rose it seemed, but the girl was well more 'advanced' than her, which was evident as the boy with shaggy brown hair was pressed up against her curvy body, pushing her back up against the row of books. Their lips were locked together and from the noises coming from their throats, it wasn't hard to figure out what they were up to in the dark shadows of the library. She meant to just grab her book and get out of there as quickly as possible, but as she quickly scanned the stickers on the spines of the books, she realized, to her horror, that the book she needed was right behind the couple.
She drew in a breath before taking a step towards them, clearing her throat awkwardly. When they didn't seem to notice her attempts at interrupting them, she tried again. The boy pulled off the girl's neck as she cleared her throat as loud as she could. He and the girl both swung their heads in her direction and a flush of red filled her cheeks. "What?" the girl bit out at her, out of breath.
"Do you guys think you could do that somewhere else?" she told them awkwardly, motioning over their entangled forms. "You're in my way."
"Oh, come on." The girl scoffed at her. "I'm back here all the time and no one ever comes back here. You're telling me you just happen to need a book from this exact spot? Why don't you run off to the kid's section and leave us alone."
Rose's jaw clenched at the girl's brash attitude. She was about to open her mouth to respond when the boy spoke before she had a chance. "Wait. What do you mean you're back here all the time?" he asked, looking over at the girl. "How many times have you been back here?"
"Oh, hush. You know a girl doesn't kiss and tell." The girl said back to him coyly before her eyes fell back on Rose. "Seriously?" she asked. "Are you a little pervert or something? Get out of here!"
Rose let out a sigh, finding the whole situation frustrating to say the least. "Please move." She tried again, trying to remain calm. "You have this entire library to stick each other's tongues down your throats, kindly move and do it somewhere else."
The girl let out a laugh of disbelief. "Listen here, you little-" she began before the boy stopped her again.
"Come on Imogene." He said, tugging on her waist and pulling down the row. The girl reluctantly followed him, and they disappeared around the corner. Rose let out a breath of relief before a loud giggle could be heard coming from the next row over. She rolled her eyes as she realized they hadn't gone far before counting her blessings that they at least moved out of her way.
She stepped over to where they had been pressed against each other, her eyes sweeping the books previously hidden behind their forms. They landed on the book she was looking for and she smiled, before the smile dropped as she realized it was at the top of the shelf, out of her reach. She let out a frustrated sigh before stepping up on the bottom row hesitantly, testing its weight. When the metal didn't seem to bend or groan under her weight, she reached up and latched onto the shelves above her, climbing up the row of books like a ladder. When she was up high enough, she reached up as far as she could and she smiled in victory as her fingers brushed against the side of her target.
Her victory was short lived, however. As soon as she had the book in her grasp, she felt something thud against the opposite side of the shelf, followed by another loud giggle. Between the added weight of Rose, clinging to the side, and the force of whatever….or whoever hit it, the whole unit began teetering over, being sent off-balance.
Rose clung to the rows of books as she went tipping back and let out a yelp of fear as the entire row tipped over and slammed into the row behind her, sending her and all of the books crashing to the floor. Rose squeezed her eyes shut and threw her hands over her head as the books came raining down on her and when they stopped falling, she pushed the pile of books off of her, looking around at the mess with wide eyes.
Rose looked up to find the boy and girl looking down at her with equally wide eyes before a set of heavy footfalls echoed through the area as the old librarian came running over, having heard the loud crash. She came rounding the corner and when she took in the sight of Rose sitting in the large pile of books under the tipped over shelf, she began sputtering in disbelief. "W-what happened back here?!" she demanded.
"It was her!" the girl said, casting a finger down on Rose. "She was climbing up on the shelf and it fell over!" she said, trying to put the blame on her.
"Me?!" Rose shouted, pushing herself up from the pile of books, suddenly filled with a burst of anger. "If those two hadn't been snogging each other and slammed up against the shelf, it wouldn't have fallen over!" she defended.
"She's lying!" the girl said, swinging wide, innocent eyes over to the old woman. "She just doesn't want to get in trouble! We saw her! We tried to tell her to stop, but she wouldn't listen!"
"I'm NOT lying!" Rose yelled out, never before been accused of being a liar.
"Tell her sweetheart." The girl demanded, looking over at the boy with her.
"I, uh.." he began, looking between Rose and the librarian.
"It's THEM who are the liars!" Rose seethed out angrily.
"That's it! Out! All of you out!" the woman yelled out, being overwhelmed by the mess they had created.
"But-" Rose began, never seeing the older woman so angry at her before.
"Get out so I can get to work cleaning up this mess! This is going to take hours to clean up!" she said, looking around at the large pile of books.
"I can help-" Rose insisted, feeling awful for playing a part in making such a large mess.
"I think you've helped enough, young lady!" The librarian said with a huff.
Rose looked from the woman, down to the boy and girl who had gotten her into this situation and let out an angry yell as she stormed past them all, heading towards the exit. The library had been her safe haven over the past couple years, and now those two hormone-ridden fools had gone and messed it all up for her. Rose stormed out of the building, with no books in hand, her eyes burning with angry tears.
"Wait! Hold on!" Rose heard someone yell out behind her as she pushed open the large double doors that led outside. She spun around and found the boy from inside running up to her, the girl he had been with no where in sight.
"What do YOU want?" Rose bit out at him as she spun back around and kept walking, not wanting to give him another moment of her time.
"I'm sorry." He told her, falling into step beside her as she tried storming away. "Imogene was wrong to do that. I told the librarian the truth and now she's being forced to help clean up the mess."
Rose looked over at him, letting out a huff of air. "Well, gee thanks. It doesn't really make me feel any better though." She told him.
"Look, I'm really sorry." He told her again. "Are you okay?" he asked her, noticing several small bruises on her forehead.
"No thanks to you." She told him, annoyed that he wouldn't leave her alone. Her eyes swung around the parking lot, looking for Steve so they could get out of there, but she couldn't seem to find him. Her eyebrows furrowed down as she began to worry. The boy next to her kept rattling off an apology before Rose shot a hand up towards him to silence his rambling. "Shh." She told him, straining her ears for any signs of her brother.
She picked up the sound of something slamming into the side of a car, followed by a familiar grunt and Rose took off running in the direction she heard it coming from. When she made it past the row of cars, she found Steve, surrounded by three boys a little older than them. They had been laughing at him and when she caught sight of one of them slam a fist against Steve's cheek, sending him falling to the ground, something inside of her snapped and she took off in a run towards the group with a yell.
The anger she had already been feeling exploded into rage as she threw herself on the boy who had struck Steve, sending him falling down to the ground with a yelp. She straddled him and brought her fists down on him as hard as she could, finding herself consumed with an anger she had never felt before. An anger that was fueled by the sight of her brother injured on the ground.
"What the hell!" one of the other boys yelled out as Rose dropped her fists down on the boy under her over and over again. He had his arms brought up and was trying to protect his face the best he could, but she wouldn't relent even as he cried out for the others to do something.
Rose felt something wrap around her waist and she was suddenly pulled off the boy. She let out a roar of anger as the boy pushed himself up from the ground, a trail of blood seeping from his nose. "What are you CRAZY?!" he yelled over at her, bringing his hand up to cradle his injured nose. "That girl belongs on a leash!" he said, pointing a finger at Rose.
"And you belong in the bowl of a toilet!" Rose yelled back at him, trying to pry the arm off of her midsection. She swung her head around to find the boy from the library holding her tight against him, keeping her from attacking the boy anymore.
"Three on one is a jerk move!" the boy holding her yelled over to the others, who had all grouped together as Steve struggled back onto his feet. "Now get out of here before you get a busted lip to match your nose."
The group of boys looked around at them before the one Rose had attacked let out an angry huff and turned on his feet. "Come on." He told the other two with him, storming away.
When they were a safe distance away, the boy released his hold on her waist, and she turned around to give him a shove away from her. "That had nothing to do with you! You shouldn't have gotten involved!" she told him.
"Rose, YOU shouldn't have gotten involved." Came Steve's voice, causing her to turn and study him for the first time. She stepped over to him, looking over his face in worry. The spot she had previously seen burning red was now beginning to turn an ugly shade of blue and she knew a nasty bruise was going to form. "I was fine. You shouldn't have done that." He insisted.
"THEY shouldn't have done that." Rose countered, throwing her arm out behind her where the group of boys had disappeared. "Sarah's going to be livid!" she said throwing her hands into the air, knowing Sarah was going to be worried sick when she took sight of Steve's face. "Look at your face!"
"Look at MY face?" Steve asked, taking notice of the bruises on her face for the first time. "Look at YOUR face! What happened? Did you get in a fight with a pile of books?" he asked her.
"Uh, that would be my fault, actually." The boy behind Rose said, taking a step forward.
"Did you hit my sister?" Steve bit out at him, taking a step towards him.
"Oh, calm down Steve." Rose said with a sigh. "What are you just looking for a fight?"
"You're one to talk! What happened?" he asked again, looking between her and the stranger.
"I was reaching up to get a book and the shelf fell over." Rose told him with a shake of her head. Rose seen the boy look over at her out of the corner of her eye, giving her a perplexed look. "What happened to YOU?" Rose asked Steve, ignoring the boy's look.
"Those guys were just being jerks. Talking off to a woman trying to pull out of here." He said with a shrug.
Rose let out a sigh. "When are you going to learn to stop picking fights with people bigger than you?" she asked him.
"Rose, EVERYONE is bigger than me." He responded with a roll of his eyes.
"Exactly. So why do you have to go picking fights with every Tom, Dick and Harry?" she asked him, crossing her arms.
"You're one to talk." Steve shot back at her. "Where did THAT even come from?" he asked her, having found the ferocity she attacked the boy with surprising.
"He's right. That was pretty impressive for such an innocent looking thing like you." The boy behind her said.
Rose spun around to face him. "What are YOU even doing here still?" she asked him. "The show's over, you can run on back to your girlfriend now." She told him, waving him away.
"Well, actually, I was hoping to walk the both of you home in case those assholes came back for a second round." He told them. "You both seem incredibly too prone for disasters for me to be able to let you leave without having to worry that something else happened on your way home. Besides, consider it a formal apology." He said.
"Apology?" Steve said with a raised brow, looking from him over to Rose. "I thought you said it was an accident."
"Yeah, well, he may have accidently slammed into the back of the shelf while I was climbing it." Rose said with a shrug. "Look, I appreciate the offer and all, but I don't even know your name and I was taught not to go trusting strangers."
"James Buchanan Barnes." The boy said, holding out his hand towards her. "But my friends call me Bucky. There, now we're not strangers." He said with a wide smile.
Rose looked down at his extended hand with a raised eyebrow, finding the whole situation bizarre. "Rose." She said after a moment, slipping her hand into his larger one. "And this is my brother, Steve."
"Hi." Steve said, holding out his hand as Rose dropped her grip and Bucky moved his hand out towards his. "Look, you really don't have to walk with us. We're all the way back on the lower side of Brooklyn." He told him, knowing it was a long walk back.
"Well, what do you know, that's where I was heading anyways." Bucky said with a smile. "Besides, you two are the most entertaining thing that's happened to me in a long time. I think we're going to good friends."
"Uh-huh." Rose said with a raised brow, finding it hard to believe the two of them could ever be anything close to friends.
If only she knew just how wrong she had been….If only she knew how much Bucky would come to mean to her through the years…..if only she knew just how much she would end up loving him…..if only she knew the lengths she would go to bring him back.