A/N: This is a new story I've been thinking about with the amnesia trope in play. It's probably overplayed, but I wanted to try my hand at it and see how Richonne would do under such circumstances. I'm still figuring out how I want to tell it, so please bear with me as I work with the storytelling. Please leave a review and tell me what you think! Thank you!
Where are you?
His pink lips moved slow along her dark skin. It always started slow. A chaste, teasing kiss to awaken the senses and whet her appetite while calloused hands gently caressed her body.
She grew hot under him, shifting impatiently as he took his time. He paid careful attention to her neck as she moaned beneath him. She ran her fingers through his soft curls, loving how he murmured sweet nothings into her ear.
They were on the couch this time, in front of a dying fire, wine forgotten on the table as they became consumed with each other. Every nerve in her body tingled with excitement as his fingers traced circles on her skin, making their way under her skirt towards her core. She shifted and felt his erection pressed intimately against her thigh, his breathing quickening as he moved closer.
Their eyes met and she could not breathe. Those startling blue eyes, filled with love... filled with lust...
Filled with pain...
"Where are you?" He asked once again in that beautiful southern twang. Her heart raced.
Familiar, yet the name still escaped her...
"I don't know."
He cupped her face tenderly. "Hi," he uttered and she trembled. She tried to say his name and he leaned in hopefully, as if knowing how much pain it caused her... as if he knew she was trying her hardest to remember...
"Who are you?" She replied.
A sudden shock of pain down her spine woke Michonne from her dream. She shoved a fist in her mouth to stifle the tears as she rolled on her side, still struggling to breathe.
After a few moments she listened, assured that the child next to her was still asleep before carefully getting out of bed, slipping into her boots, and leaving the tent.
The cool night air struck her clammy face mercifully, offering relief as she inhaled deeply and scanned her surroundings. A couple of patrols filtered in and out of her sight, walking along the chain link fence with makeshift weapons. She hated this place.
Where are you?
Closing her eyes, Michonne wished she could remember his name.
"Mom?"
She glanced back to see Andre holding a bottle.
"Yeah, baby?"
"Judith's coughing again," he whispered worriedly and Michonne hurried over, disappearing into the tent with her son to tend to her daughter. The blue eyed man temporarily forgotten.
"Are we going to kiddy tent today?"
Nodding, Michonne pulled a clean sweater over Andre's little head as Judith coughed beside her.
"Does your throat still hurt?" Judith nodded and Michonne moved around to pour the remaining hot water and lemon from her little mobile kettle into a warmed bottle with some honey. It was the best she could do under the circumstances and after testing the bottle to make sure it would not scald the baby's mouth, she handed it to Judith. "Here baby. Drink slowly." Judith's face scrunched up in disgust and Michonne sighed. "I know it's gross, but it'll help."
"Michonne?"
She looked up from getting Judith's shoes to see her friend Sasha Williams tentatively enter their small tent, carrying a couple of water bottles and a large rifle on her back.
"Hi Auntie Sasha," Andre greeted as she sat down next to him and handed him a bottle of water.
"Hey," she kissed his temple before turning to Michonne. "Hey Judes, how's she feeling?"
"She still has a cough," Michonne muttered, leaning over so that only Sasha could hear. "I think it's getting worse."
"I stopped by the medical tent this morning and this was all they would give anyone," Sasha held up the water. "Ryan snuck you those lemons, but I think he was right they've run out of supplies..."
"Not even the soldiers?" Michonne muttered ruefully as she zipped up the little girl's jacket.
"Derek's banned civilians from crossing over to their side of the camp. He's still trying to play tough with them and it's getting bad."
Michonne frowned. "The soldiers aren't causing problems are they?"
Sasha shook her head, taking Judith from Michonne while the woman finished getting ready for the day. "Not all of them. They're mostly sticking to their side of the camp, but the general's been ordering the patrols around and Derek's trying to hide how bad things are. You know how he is with anyone questioning his authority."
Michonne snorted. Of course she did. That was how she ended up in a tent on the outskirts of the camp despite having two young children with her. Derek Winston was a poor excuse of a man who managed to become the leader of the camp at the most opportunistic and dire moment. It wasn't until recently that others began to question him and his response to it ranged from petty to violent. Supplies had gone missing from various tents and his goons, several young men who showed up with him after the turn, were found to be hoarding alcohol and rations. Tensions had reached a fever pitch when the platoon arrived a couple of days ago. The only reason she stayed was because Derek was her only official connection to the first camp she woke up in. He had records from how she had been found that he refused to release, so she remained in the camp for as long as possible. Holding out hope that she would be found.
"How are the fences looking?"
Sasha's eyes darkened. "Bad. I got Abe to help me reinforce certain parts this morning, but if Derek keeps ignoring the problem we could be in trouble."
"Abe?"
Michonne saw the faint blush on her friend's cheeks and could not help but smile. They had only know each other for seven months but as close as they had gotten since Michonne was found, it was rare to see Sasha that way. She looked giddy.
"Sergeant Ford, I mean," the woman corrected as she shifted Judith around in her arms. She caught the sly grin on Michonne's face and sat up straighter. "It's not like that Michonne. He's just one of the soldiers that's been helpful."
"How helpful?"
Sasha playfully hit Michonne's leg as she came over to collect her sword and Judith. Andre hopped off of his cot and they left the tent.
"What about you? Ryan's been helping you out a lot lately. Still trying to woo you I think."
Michonne sighed at the thought of Ryan Demont.
Her introduction to the new world involved waking up in a medical tent in the midst of a chaotic military camp. She had no recollection of what happened prior but the nurse informed her she had been found unconscious in an overturned vehicle with Andre and Judith surprisingly alive in the back. They had been rescued and taken to the camp where she recovered in the days leading up to the bombing of Atlanta. Her driver's license informed them of who she was. Andre and Judith's pleas for their mother informed her of the possible life she had, but she failed to remember prior to the sudden evacuation. The nurse was hesitant to release Judith into her custody, but a loose walker and a quick save by Sasha and Tyrese Williams left Michonne Thomas with two children and no memory.
It was not until they had arrived at their current camp, four months after the rise of the dead, that the strange dreams began plaguing Michonne.
It did not help that Ryant, a very attractive firefighter who arrived with the Williams' had begun to show an interest in her just as she was having explicit dreams about a stranger with blue eyes, curly brown hair, and an affable son, both of whom seemed to capture her heart in mere moments.
"I had another dream last night," she admitted quietly as they walked towards the middle of the camp where the children were kept during the day.
"With the cowboy?" Sasha asked and Michonne nodded. "Still?"
"You thought they would stop?"
Sasha shrugged. "Kind of, yes... after that trip to King County, I thought it would either jog your memory or put it to bed."
Michonne snorted. "You're not a very good doctor."
"I know, I just thought... well, I don't honestly know what I expected to happen when we went down there, even after finding the house burned, maybe something would change... maybe the location would jog your memory."
Michonne felt her cheeks warm. "Something did change..."
Frowning, Sasha glanced over at her friend. "What? Was the boy missing? Did cowboy say something helpful?"
"Not exactly."
"Then what?" Despite Michonne's dark skin, Sasha could tell that she was blushing and she tilted her head to catch Michonne's eyes. "What happened?"
"He and I... we became intimate."
"A sex dream?"
Michonne motioned to Andre and Judith. "Sasha."
Sasha placed her hands over Andre's ears. "Broad stroke it for me, Michonne."
Sensing her friend's determination to get details, Michonne quickly relented, herself eager to share what she had experienced. Her past dreams of the man had been incredibly tame, sometimes featuring a young man who resembled the affectionately named Cowboy. Last night, after returning from King County, something had changed.
"We were on the couch."
"And?"
"Sasha."
"Sorry... continue." Sasha grabbed Andre's hand before the boy could veer off in the opposite direction and they continued on their way.
"We were... making out... it was so vivid... and then he asked me where I was."
"Again?" Sasha watched her friend for a moment before shifting her rifle on her shoulders and nudged her. "You think he's still alive?"
Michonne's heart clenched painfully. Somewhere deep down, she knew it wasn't true, but she had to be realistic about her abnormal situation.
"It doesn't matter, does it?" She hoisted Judith up on her hip and kissed her temple. "You saw the house just like I did... that whole town was abandoned."
"That doesn't mean he's dead."
"I know... but I can't even remember his name." Michonne could still smell the burnt wood of what remained of the house they had tracked down in King County. It had been devastating to find the last shred of evidence she had to her past in a pile of smoldering rubble. To admit defeat, in light of the new dreams, was almost impossible but she also needed robbery practical. She could not spend the end of the world chasing ghosts, no matter how attractive. Judith coughed and shifted in her arms with discomfort, causing Michonne's heart to skip a beat and her pace to quicken. "All that matters is keeping them alive."
Sasha noticed the telltale resolution in her friend's gorgeous brown eyes and knew the conversation was over. It was clear that their discovery in King County bothered Michonne, but it did them no good to continue at the present time. It seemed other, more present matters were brewing.
As they approached the medical tent, more soldiers appeared in the area, running around and barking out orders.
"What the hell is going on in there?"
Sasha's eyes narrowed. "Even with the soldiers, we can't stay much longer, Michonne... this won't end well."
"Sasha!"
They turned to see Tyrese and Ryan approaching swiftly. Michonne caught the urgency on their faces and pulled the kids closer to her.
"Sasha, lets go," Tyrese urged as he scooped up Andre in his arms. "We need to go."
"Wait, what's going on? What's happening?" Michonne demanded.
Ryan motioned behind him. "A herds coming! This camp's about to get overrun."
"But the alarm wasn't sounded," Sasha gasped and Ryan shook his head.
"Winston's men turned tail. They abandoned the watch tower. We didn't see them until a couple of minutes ago."
"Can't the soldiers fight them? Shoot them down with all of those guns?"
"Sasha!" Tyrese pleaded. "We need to go!"
"No!" She protested as the camp quickly rumbled into a chaotic hive of scrambling soldiers and panicking civilians. Sasha ignored it to grab Ryan's arm. "Where's Abraham?"
"He went-"
Just then an intercom screeched on and they turned to see Abraham Ford standing on a large National Guard cargo truck towards the other side of the camp.
"Everyone we gotta fuckton of pants shitters heading this way!" His voice blared, bringing many out of their small tents. "Head to the southern fence now and run or prepared to be walker food!"
"Abraham!" Sasha yelled as they headed towards him, pushing through the panicked crowd heading for the fence. Abraham was trying to help people onto the truck and a waiting school bus but it was clear he was alone in the endeavor. "What happened? Where are the others?"
He motioned behind him. "The soldiers bailed when they saw the herd. Most of the guns are gone and in less than ten minutes that fence is gonna come down. We need to go now or we ain't gonna make it. Please."
"Sasha, let's go!" Michonne called as Ryan began helping Abraham load people onto the bus. "Sasha!"
"Mommy!" Andre cried, pointing towards the fence in terror. They all turned to see a large swarm of walkers piling against the chain link, straining the metal and creating panic as civilians began to take notice.
"Oh my God!" Someone shrieked just as the fence snapped and a horde of walkers washed over the frenzied camp.
"Run!"
"On the truck!" Tyrese yelled, pulling his sister up beside him as Michonne handed Judith to Abraham before she and Ryan also climbed into the cab of the truck with the sergeant.
"Go! Go! Go!" Sasha screamed as she helped another panicked civilian into the cargo bed. "Abraham!"
The massive vehicle groaned to life as the bus next to them took off through the far gate, following after a couple of motorcycles and cars.
"Wait! Wait for me!" Derek begged as he scrambled past a few slower folks, shoving a child to the side as he tried to reach the truck! "Please! Wait!"
"No!" A woman shrieked, grabbing his arm as she was snatched by a walker and bitten in the arm. "No!"
"Let go!" Derek spat, kicking her away. "Let go of me!"
"Derek!" Michonne yelled in warning right before another walker lunged at him, gnashing successfully at his neck and pulling him to the asphalt in a heap of howling blood and flesh.
The shattering wails of those consumed under the wave of undead caused many to look away and weep while Michonne could not help but watch as the camp she detested was consumed.
"It's gone..."
"Hey Grimes! What's the deal?"
Rick glanced behind him in annoyance at the small group of survivors he had found himself leading. The man who had spoken, the unpleasant husband of a woman he had become friends with, was hanging on the broken perimeter of the decimated camp they had come across. The others glanced around nervously, weapons out and children shielded as they huddled together. They were justifiably upset, as Rick had taken them drastically off course, but his frustration with their complaints and his devastation at what they had just discovered were quickly dissolving whatever control he had over his rage.
In the corner of his eye, he saw Shane and Glenn return from the other side of the camp, looking disappointed. Shane carefully shook his head and Rick's mind began to race.
"The camp's overrun!"
As Shane came to stand by his friend, he glared at Ed Pelletier while fiddling with the gun in his hand.
"Thanks, asshole, we hadn't noticed," he growled under his breath and Rick turned back to the strewn entrails, abandoned tents, and battered, empty crates. It was clear from the damage that whatever had occurred and whatever had done it, it was long gone.
"Rick, Glenn and I did a sweep of the place already," Shane whispered so only Rick could hear. "This place has been picked apart by scavengers, there's nothing left but bodies and debris."
"And you didn't see-"
"No," Shane snapped quickly, keeping an eye on the anxious crowd that Glenn was addressing. "But look at the place. No body doesn't mean-"
"Don't say it," Rick pleaded, catching sight of Carl hurrying over to them. His chest felt heavy and a throbbing pain emerged on his temple. He could barely think straight. "Don't you fucking say it."
The tone in his voice was one Shane had become accustomed to over the past couple of months. Hopes had been high between the two of them that this would be the place, and it seemed until a month or two ago, it might have been. But this had been their last chance to track her down. Now, it was the end of the road...
"Grimes, this place is abandoned and we shouldn't stay here!"
Shane's body tensed next to Rick. "Ed, why don't you do everyone a favor a shut the fuck up?"
"Shane," Rick muttered while several in the group gasped and shuffled at Shane's harsh words. There was a moment of silence as Rick slowly digested the truth he was faced with. "We could track the trail."
"Rick," Shane snapped. "Man, I loved Michonne as much as anyone but you cannot be serious. There's no trail to track."
"Shane I can't just-"
"Give up," Shane finished, shocking his friend into silence. The look on Rick's face forced Shane to adjust his tactic, but only slightly.
"Look, man, I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through and I get that... it ain't just your wife you lost, it's Judith and Andre... and they're gone." Shane looked around the camp. "Maybe they were here... maybe they never got out of the first camp and someone misreported the name... Whatever happened here... a lot of people died and whoever survived is long gone. There's no way to track them, not even with Daryl, it's been too long." Taking a deep breath, Shane tapped Rick's chest pointedly. "And somewhere deep down I think you know that. Otherwise you would have told Carl."
Rick closed his eyes, his heart constructing painfully under the weight of Shane's words. "She..." He stopped himself, unwilling to declare it. A nagging feeling, a lingering voice would not allow him to come to terms with what was a forgone conclusion in this new world. "I can't let this go, Shane... if they're alive..."
Shane shook his head and motioned to the group behind them. "Rick look at them," he hissed. "They're scared. The fucking farm burned down and we promised we'd lead them away from it. We promised them a safe place and right now we're so far up shits creek it wouldn't matter whether or not you had a goddamn paddle cause the shits that fucking dry." Taking a breath, Shane looked down at his boots. "Rick, I know this is hard to hear, but this was a long shot from the beginning and I think you know that."
"If there is a chance-"
"We're past chances Rick!" Shane retorted, much louder than he expected. "You told Carl she was probably dead at the last camp and he's still coming to terms with that... this group wants to go north... the chances that she survived this to escape and head in the same direction... Rick, we're out of options and as much as I hate to admit it, Michonne's gone... she's been gone for seven months now..."
Rick stared out across the camp, trying to imagine a scenario where his wife and children, against all odds, against all common sense, against everything his rationale was telling him, were somehow still alive... somehow...
"I could go by myself."
"Without Carl!"
"With Carl."
"Rick, if you think I'd let you go out there by yourself chasing ghosts-"
"She can't be dead-"
"But she's not here!" Both men fell silent briefly while Shane collected his thoughts. He remembered the look on Rick's face when they found Michonne's overturned car. The near crazed determination that had taken them from camp to camp, following a paper trail that had grown faint with every passing day. He watched his friend torn between finding Michonne and their children and protecting the group they had somehow become in charge of. For months Shane witnessed Rick carry this burden and the further from Atlanta they trekked, the harder it became to face what would was a depressing truth.
Michonne was gone. Regardless of whether or not she was alive, it was next to impossible that they would find her.
"Rick," Shane began but he could see chilling realization falling upon his friend's face.
"I know, Shane... I just." He closed his eyes, hearing her voice. "She's alive... I know she is."
"I know, but..."
Rick's shoulders sagged. "I need a minute."
"Grimes!"
"Ed, I swear to Christ you say one more fucking word I'm gonna beat you so bad those walkers are gonna accept you as one of their own!"
Rick tended and grabbed Shane, pulling him back before he could make good on his threat.
"Stop it, leave him be."
"Oh you know what he is."
"Yeah, and we'll take care of it.. just not here," Rick uttered darkly.
Carl approached the two men tentatively.
"Dad, what's going on? Everyone wants to get back to the highway before nightfall..." Rick looked away from him, but not before Carl was able to read his father's face. Glancing over at Shane for confirmation, a childish worry fell upon him. "She was here, wasn't she?"
Rick did not respond, his eyes clouded over as he walked further into the camp, searching for anything that would give him hope that she had survived. Carl moved to intercept him, but Shane shook his head, looking back at the agitated group of survivors.
"Your dad thought she'd be here... the last outpost we were at, they said this was the likeliest place for her to be."
"And he kept that from me?!"
"Keep your voice down." Carl glanced behind him to see that his outburst had drawn attention. Shane inhaled and looked over at Rick's crouched form. "Your dad didn't want to upset you anymore."
"I'm not upset," Carl protested and Shane fixed him with a knowing look.
"Five sites we've looked... every one promising she'd be there and the last place nearly killed your dad..." Shane placed a hand on the young man's shoulder. "I heard you crying that night... look it's okay, I understand. We all understand, but your dad." Shane sighed. "We couldn't tell anyone about this because we weren't sure it'd be here. Last guy said this was a roaming camp and this would be the last known location."
"But she's not here... Andre and Judith..." Carl realized then what this meant. "They really are dead..."
Shane's chest clenched when Carl's voice choked and his eyes brimmed with tears.
"Carl." They turned to see Rick walking over, his face ashen and somber.
"Dad, what's going on?"
"I'm sorry Carl," the man apologized quietly. "I should have told you about this place."
"But she's not here."
"No, she's not…"
"So what now?" Shane asked, drawing his friend's attention.
When Rick finally spoke, his voice was thick with anguish. "Everything I know is telling me that she's dead… that I'll never see Michonne again." His eyes fell on Carl, who was struggling to hold back his own tears. "I know I'll never see her again… I'll never see Judith or Andre again. As far as we've come and as much as we've seen, there's no chance, there's no possibility, Shane, I know that." He looked over at the man. "I know that… And I refuse to accept it."
Shane stared at Rick in amazement, wondering if he would ever love anyone the way Rick Grimes loved his family.
"Then what are you gonna do?"
Rick looked down at his boots, feeling nauseous and guilt ridden. "I'm gonna do what Michonne would want me to do if she was here. We're gonna do what we promised and take these people to a safe place. I'm gonna take Carl to a safe place."
Shane rested his hand on Rick's shoulder. "I'm sorry."
Rick shook his head. "Just get them ready to move out." Nodding, Shane tread slowly back towards the group while Rick fiddled with his gun, digging his heel into the dirt as he slowly came to terms with his decision. Behind him, he could hear the group slowly gathering their things and moving away. Next to him, Carl finally broke his silence."
"Dad?"
"Yeah."
"Do you really think they survived? Mom, Andre and Judith? You think they're alive?"
Rick turned to face his son and offered him a wane smile. "If anyone could survive all of this, it's your mother."
Carl nodded in agreement, but he was still hesitant. There was a hopefulness in his father's voice that contradicted his earlier confession with Shane.
"But we're not looking for them anymore?"
That's when Carl finally saw it. The raw agony of that statement and everything it entailed. For the first time, he witnessed just how much this decision was killing his father and he knew he would be haunted with it for the rest of their lives.
"No we aren't," Rick replied, pulling Carl into a hug. "But they're out there somewhere… and for now that's what we'll hold on to."
Breaking away, Carl sniffed and quickly wiped away some tears before leading the way back to the group. Rick trailed after slowly, continuously glancing behind him as if hoping to catch a glimpse of her… a hint… a whisper…
"Where are you?" he asked to the wind.
Faintly through the trees, a voice responded, I don't know…
A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks!