This is my entry for the fan forums holiday challenge. I really wanted this to be a one shot but it is just not going to happen. So please no coal in my stocking for going over my word allotment. I put our required words in bold. Oh and I do not own any of these characters.
The Christmas tree is just being set up in apartment 4B and everyone is helping decorate it. Except for Sheldon who is taking his self-appointed job a tree trimming supervisor very seriously. Sheldon holds his ornament spacing template between the branches making sure the ornaments are just so. Sheldon holds the marker up at the last ornament hung then, he gasps and shakes his head sadly.
"Move that one! You can't have Darth Vader on the same side as Captain Kirk." Sheldon says to Leonard pointing out the problem. Leonard reluctantly moves the ornament to a different branch.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to Texas and be with your nephew in his first birthday?" Leonard asks hopefully.
"No, I already sent him a present in the mail. I got him one of those books where you record your own voice reading it."
"Awww! That is so sweet." Bernadette tells him.
"I know, I got him the Little Engine that Could,but the way I read it is better because I include fun facts about all the trains. "
"He had to modify the chip because the one included with the book would not record everything he was saying." Amy says proudly and Sheldon gazes at her fondly.
"Speaking of gifts." Penny says hanging the last ornament on the tree and walking over to her glass of wine. "I was thinking that this year instead of buying everyone gifts that we could do a Secret Santa. I mean our group is getting pretty large to buy everyone a present."
"What's a secret Santa?" Sheldon asks checking the final placement of the ornaments with his template.
"Instead of buying everyone a present, we pick names out of a hat and only buy a gift for the person that you pick. Then we set a cap on how much everyone is going to spend and exchange gifts on Christmas." Penny explains sitting down on the couch .
"I think that's a great idea." Amy says " We did it in the lab one year, but I picked myself and no one would trade with me." Amy says going to the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of wine.
"That's so sad." Emily says patting her on the back.
"It was OK, I got myself the slipper socks that I had wanted." Amy tells her.
"I love the idea, we could throw a big party when we exchange the gifts. Like one of those giant Christmas feasts out of a cartoon. We could even but a twist on it like a theme! Or do something like everyone has to make the gift they give!" Raj says excited.
"As the new one in the group I think it sounds like fun. Plus I just do not know you guys well enough to buy all of you presents." Emily says.
"I'm all for it." Leonard says.
"What the hell, me too! Even though technically the person who gets me should get me eight Hanukkah gifts. Howard says pointing at them.
" Hang on! I don't think I am sold on this idea yet. I have some concerns that need to be addressed. Plus everyone knows my feelings on that jolly old fat man!" Sheldon says getting out his white board and everyone groans.
"Sheldon I thought you of all people would love the idea, I mean you hate giving gifts, this would take a lot of pressure from you." Leonard tells him.
"That may be true but I still would have to get Amy a birthday gift as well. No one else would still be responsible for Amy's birthday gift." Sheldon says writing Amy's birthday on the board.
"Hey! I got Amy a birthday present last year!" Bernadette says.
"Actually you didn't, but it is fine having a birthday on Christmas day has always meant that it kind of gets overlooked." Amy tells her. "Sheldon is usually the only person who remembers, but if we do the secret Santa you are off the hook Sheldon. You do not have to buy me a gift this year."
"Thank you but it's not just that, how will we keep who we got a secret? Also you say you put a cap on the amount we spend but how can we make sure that it will be equal? What if I spend the exact amount and whoever gets me knits me socks?" Sheldon says raising his eyebrows and writing unequal exchange on the board.
"How about this we set the cap at fifty dollars, whoever gets Sheldon promise to spend the exact cap amount. Whoever Sheldon gets will know he is going to spend the exact cap amount no more no less." Penny says.
"Very well, but we still have not addressed the secrecy issues. Some people in this group have a hard time keeping sensitive information to themselves." Sheldon says looking pointedly at Penny and then Amy.
"Come on Sheldon it could be fun ." Amy pleads.
"Fine, let's do it, but I still have concerns about this enterprise." Sheldon says.
"OK! So everyone write their names on a sheet of paper the fold the paper up and put it in this bowl." Penny says getting a large mixing bowl from the kitchen.
"What happens if you pick yourself like Amy did?" Sheldon asks.
"You get to pick again." Penny says.
"But what if you are the last person who picked and there are no more names in the bowl?" Sheldon asks.
"Then you can exchange papers with the person sitting beside you." Leonard tells him.
"Oh dear!" Sheldon exclaims.
"What now?" Penny says through gritted teeth as hands out paper and pens from Leonard's desk to everyone.
"If you exchange with the person next to you then you know who has you. Then it would be easy to deduce who everyone else has, thus making this Santa not so secret." Sheldon says.
"How about this if anyone picks themselves then we all have to put our names back into the bowl and pick again. Then we will keep doing it until everyone has picked a name that is not themselves." Amy tells him.
"Alright, that is acceptable." Sheldon says.
"OK can we start this thing now!" Penny says handing the bowl out to Sheldon who gives her a look and pulls a name out of the bowl.
Penny walks around the group and everyone each pulls out a sheet of paper. Penny is the last one to pull out a name, and she looks at the name and smiles.
"Did anyone pick themselves?" Howard asks and everyone shakes their heads no. "Phew!"
"I like what Raj said about making the gift could we do that?" Amy asks.
"Mmmm, no, I am not crafty in any way shape or form." Penny says
"I don't know, I think it might be fun to make a gift. Homemade gifts are so thoughtful." Bernadette says.
"I agree." Emily says.
"How about this you can make the gift if you want and if you choose not to then the cap is fifty dollars." Leonard says.
"I am just warning whoever got me, do not make me a gift." Sheldon says looking around the room.
Later in the week Bernadette and Amy are having a glass of wine together. Penny had to work late so it is just them.
"Do you want to go shopping for secret Santa after this?" Bernadette asks Amy
"I am actually thinking about making my gift, but we can shop for yours." Amy tells her.
"So who did you get?" Bernadette asks Amy.
"Bernadette! It is secret Santa!" Amy chides and Bernadette gives her a look that says really?
"OK , I will tell you… I got Sheldon, but I would have tried to find out who had him and trade for him, if I hadn't picked him." Amy tells her.
"That's good because I am sure whoever had picked Sheldon would be trying to trade with you, too." Bernadette says innocently and Amy gives her a dirty look.
"Who did you get?" Amy asks.
"Emily" Bernadette tells her." I have no idea what to get her. All I know about her is that she has red hair, likes knives, and The Nightmare Before Christmas."
"You think you have problems, I already made Sheldon's Christmas present before he threw his little fit."
"I am sure he will like it, what did you make him?"
"A couple of months ago he was reorganizing his closet and he got rid of a bag of T-shirts that no longer fit on the schematic. You would have thought it was Sophie's Choice, him trying to pick out which shirts had to go. Sheldon has a story for nearly all of his shirts. When he finally made his decision he gave me the bag to take to Goodwill because he was too distraught." Amy pauses.
"Yeah, so… what does this have to do with making him a gift?" Bernadette asks.
"I'm not finished, you see the bag never made it to Goodwill. I kind of kept them." Amy tells her looking sheepish.
"Oh Amy." Bernadette sighs.
" I'll admit at first it was just to give rice Sheldon a change of clothes now and then. I know, that was weird and a little crazy but then decided to make him a quilt out of all the old shirts."
"That is so cute, I think he will love it." Bernadette tells her.
"I thought he would too, that way he would not have to worry about how much I spent because I did not spend anything. Now I am worried because he expressly said no home-made gifts." Amy sighs.
"So? Give him the quilt and a gift card so all your bases are covered." Bernadette shrugs." Now what do you get for a spunky red-head who gets turned on by horror movies and likes to cut people for fun?"
The guys are all eating lunch together in the cafeteria, Sheldon still has not joined them yet.
"Quick everyone spill who they got for secret Santa before Sheldon gets here." Raj says.
"Why?" Howard says.
"One because I am trying to find out who got Emily so I can trade for her. Two because we have to do it before Sheldon sits down because he such a stickler for rules he will never tell us who he has." Raj says in an urgent whisper.
"I have Penny." Howard tells Raj " She is getting a bottle of wine." he tells Leonard.
"And she will love it." Leonard tells him. " I have you Raj." Leonard tells him picking at his plate.
"And I have you! Which would be super exciting if I did not desperately need to get Emily!" Raj moans.
"Why do you want to get Emily so bad? I am psyched that I don't have Bernadette. Do you know how hard she is to buy for? Besides it is a slippery slope, you buy her an amazing gift your first year then you have to keep it up year after year." Howard tells them.
"This is our first Christmas together I want to wow her! I want her to be sure of my wild passion and devotion to her!" Raj tells them
"So buy her something and still do the secret Santa thing." Leonard suggests.
"I suggested that to her but she said no! Emily said that she thought this secret Santa thing was the perfect way to take the pressure off our first holiday together. Had I known that I would have never agreed to your fiancee's stupid idea!" Raj says angrily throwing his fork down when, Sheldon walks up holding his tray.
"Gentlemen, looks like the conversation is getting heated. What are we discussing today?" he asks sitting down.
"We were just discussing which Batman was better Michael Keaton or Christian Bale." Leonard tells him not looking up from his meal.
"Have we not run this one into the ground? Tim Burton over Christopher Nolan but Christian Bale over Michael Keaton! New topic please."
"I don't suppose you would tell us who you picked for secret Santa?" Raj asks hopefully
"Wow, nothing is sacred with you is it?" Sheldon says looking disgusted at him.
"I guess that's a no." Raj sighs under his breath.
Later back at the apartment Sheldon is working at his desk when Penny walks in and looks around.
"I can save you the trouble now, Leonard is not home yet." Sheldon tells her not looking up from his computer.
"Then how did you get home?" Penny asks him.
"Amy took me home." Sheldon says.
"She's not here is she?" Penny asks nervously looking around again.
"No, she dropped me off, we had a cup of tea, then she went home. Why do you ask?"
"I need to talk to you about Amy." Penny says.
"What about Amy?" Sheldon says finally looking up from his computer.
"So I picked her for secret Santa and…."
"Whoa whoa whoa! Stop right there now the whole enterprise might be . Now every one will have to pick new names, why would you tell me!"
"Sheldon stop it! I don't need to know who you picked I just need your help with the gift I am making for her."
"Why would you need my help? I thought you did not want to make homemade gifts?" Sheldon asks confused.
"Well I didn't, but then I thought of the perfect gift for Amy. What is the one thing that she has always wanted?" Penny asks Sheldon.
"You want me to deflower her for you as a Christmas gift…" Sheldon begins not looking opposed to the idea.
"Ewwww! No! I was thinking of a normal high school experience!"
"That's hilarious, as much as I am sure she would enjoy that. I do not think that is some thing that you could give her."
"Just hear me out! When we were planning the Prom thing on the roof we were all talking about high school. Amy had like the worst time in high school, like just horrific. They even forgot to put her picture in the year book ,even though she was there on picture day. Then I told her about how in Senior my yearbook I was on like every page and won two superlatives."
"What are Superlatives?" Sheldon asks.
"It is when the whole class votes who has the best smile, most friendly, most likely to succeed. I won most likely to be a super star and best dressed."
"I do not think my high school did that, of course I graduated when I was eleven so it is possible that I just wasn't included." Sheldon muses "Otherwise I would have been elected Most likely to succeed."
"Or biggest pain in the ass." Penny tells him. "Anyways, I thought I would make her a yearbook of sorts. Where she is the star of the show! Make her Prom Queen, cutest couple Sheldon and Amy all that stuff, then get everyone to sign it and give it to her."
"I am sure she would be over the moon about it ,but why do you need my help?" Sheldon asks.
"I need more pictures of her, most of the ones I have of her have me in them too." Penny tells him "Also I think it would be really sweet if you helped put some of it together."
"But I already have my secret Santa person, whom shall remain nameless, to worry about." Sheldon says.
"Think about it as a birthday present for her." Penny tells him.
"Amy told me I did not have to worry about a birthday present this year."
"Sheldon, what did Amy do for your birthday this year?" Penny asks casually.
"Same as she has always done, she declared it Sheldon's day made me pancakes for breakfast and took me to Lego Land." Sheldon tells her.
"Do you see how that might not be fair if you don't get her anything even though she told you not too?"
"Are you saying that while Amy told me that I may not worry about a gift that she still expects me to provide her with one?" Sheldon asks
"That's exactly what I am saying." Penny says.
"Very well, tell me what you would like me to do."