Hey guys, this is a new series of little one shots between Theo and Tobias. It mainly focuses on how the two idiots we have come to know and love, Tobias and Zeke, take on the task of babysitting little Theo while Tris is away doing who knows what. Takes place in third person. If you guys have any ideas that you want me to write about, then pm or review or something. I hope you like these.
This is also showing a lighter side of Tobias, who may seem more serious at times in MLS (My Little Soldier).
Disclaimer: Only Theo is mine, and not Theo James.. Veronica Roth is still the Queen.
Two Idiots and the "Stop the Damn Video Taping and Get Me Outta This!"
"So."
"So."
One would normally think that seeing two fully grown men – well built, slightly rough, intimidating grown men – walking around the Dauntless compound with a gurgling and kicking baby strapped to one of their chests was, well, disturbing to say in the slightest. Even if it was the Dauntless prodigy Four and his best friend Zeke. But, then again, the rowdy faction had seen a lot weirder things in the past – oddly enough, however, involving the same curious trio. Apparently running through the halls with a baby in a football hold was frowned upon. Even in Dauntless.
Four stretched his arms above his head, groaning, and let out a loud yawn before quickly lowering his arms and securing them back around Theo's little body. Nevermind that he was strapped to Four's body with what Christina called the "Supreme Ultimate Baby Satchel X1." He wasn't about to trust some weird-ass contraption to hold his baby when he barely even trusted himself. Theo was like and ADHD squirrel on some kinda hype – never still. Ever. Even while being carried he proved to be difficult. And that combined with a sleep deprived father never turned out well.
Still tired, Zeke nearly ran into the stone wall as the trio rounded the corner and, if not for Four's quick reflexes, would have been on the ground with a face that resembled a slightly beat up pancake.
"Tell me again, why and how Shauna convinced Tris to go fricking strawberry picking at this ungodly hour?" Four whispered sourly. Zeke just smiled and gave a small wink.
"Tell me again how two women barely half your size and just as sleep deprived as you managed to pin you down on the floor and, might I add, attach a live human being to your chest without so much as a slight hiccup?"
Four rolled his eyes as they neared the Dining Hall.
"For one, I was already on the floor when they got to me."
Zeke smirked slightly, remembering clearly that Four had been jumping from couch to table to chair in an attempt to dodge the girls and somehow, in all that, had ended up on his back on the ground with the two she-devils sitting on top of him.
"And second," Four continued in a huff. "You don't freaking whip out a camera and video tape the whole thing when your best friend is being straddled on the floor and forcibly attached to another life form!" Four finished, his voice steadily growing into a quiet yell.
A small gurgle dragged Four's gaze downward to a smiling Theo and he gently rocked the baby.
"Not that I mind being strapped to you, baby boy," He cooed.
"Ah. Man. Not again." Zeke nudged the clueless duo slightly and they both looked up to see the entire Dining Hall staring at them. Some with amused expressions, like Gwen and Will, and some with shocked expressions like, say, the whole female population.
"You think they heard all that - ,"
"Oh we heard all that, all right!" Christina yelled from the crowd. Zeke groaned and Four somehow managed to grow to resemble the bright red streak that donned Marlene's hair. Theo, on the other hand, had been incredibly taken with all the stares that had been thrown his way and began giggling loudly while kicking his feet.
So, as anyone would, and with as much dignity as the two could possibly muster, which was none, the two turned on their heel and left the cafeteria as fast as they had come.
**TIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAAB**
Finally, in the safety and confines of the control room, Four plopped down in his chair with a groan.
"There goes our man cards," Zeke whispered dejectedly.
"And our dignity," Four chimed in.
"And our reputation."
"Don't forget any chance of not being the but of a joke for the next year."
The two men shook their slightly deflated, less ego-centric heads and started working, Theo sitting happily in his father's lap as he watched him type. Theo's eyes widened in fascination as he slowly connected the clicking noise to the keys being pressed. His small, pudgy fingers slowly reached out towards the keys before his father's hands gently closed around his. Four couldn't help but smile when he was greeted with Theo's wide, questioning eyes – identical to his own.
"If you send that to the Erudite, baby boy, I'm a dead man."
Theo let out a frustrated gurgle and proceeded to swat Four's hands away, insistent on making that clicking noise.
"Oi! Theo! You want me dead?" Four gasped, clutching one hand to his chest in an attempt to hold in his fast beating heart and the other pulling Theo away from the keyboard. "Those are Dauntless secrets," Four said exasperatedly, not fully grasping the fact that the tiny baby could care less for what he was saying. "You send," Four continued slowly. "Daddy dead."
Four flopped his head to one side and stuck his tongue out, giving his son what he thought to be a pretty good dead man impression. The chiming of laughter, however, made Four snap his eyes open and he stared at his son in disbelief.
"You think it's funny, don't you?" he questioned the baby, tickling his sides. Theo shrieked as the laughing only intensified. "You think it's funny if daddy gets his balls cut off by Eric don't you? Zeke can you believe this – You have got to be kidding me! You're unbelievable!"
Zeke stared at Four, wide eyed and sheepishly through the lens of the video camera that currently displayed a bright green light – the tell tale sign for recording.
"First you let two girls attack me, and now you nearly let my own son attempt murder on me. I am seriously reconsidering this best friend thing."
During the time of Four's scolding a blushing Zeke, Theo had somehow managed to back out of the top secret files and into a less self-destructive one about shipments. Four, however, didn't catch the transaction and nearly had a heart attack when he saw a pudgy finger stabbing the send button.
"Holy fu – fudge crackers. Theo James Eaton I swear - ," Four scrolled through the history files with a trembling hand before seeing the harmless files and letting out a cry of relief.
"Holy lord," Four gasped while drawing as far away from the computer as possible, his arms wrapped in a vice-like grip around the squealing baby. "Eric would have had my as – butt, he'd have had my butt for that. Da – Dang – My goodness I wish I could swear right now."
Zeke once again was speechless – first on the account of his best friend's non-cuss cuss words and second on the fact that this was the most out of order he'd ever seen Four.
"We're leaving," Four said, standing up after recovering. "Come on. We've missed lunch and I need a beer. Get this thing off of me." he said, raising his arms slightly and gesturing to the baby carrier – only now realizing how hot he had become.
"Er..." Zeke stared at the contraption in question before first removing the baby – or as Four was now calling him the "Portable Mini Heater," from his body.
"Watch him," Zeke mumbled as he set Theo on the floor and proceeded to remove the carrier – or attempt too. After what seemed like hours, Zeke stepped back in defeat.
"It can't me this hard - ,"
"Where's Theo?" Four interrupted, looking around frantically.
"I told you to watch him!"
"I was. I turn around for one minute and - ,"
"There!"
Nearing the slightly opened door was a determined looking Theo on a mission and, in the mad dash to go and retrieve him, the two men somehow found themselves on the floor in a dog pile, Zeke breaking off a crucial piece to the carrier and unknowingly leaving Four forever stuck in the baby carrier.
The two groaned as they scrambled back up, Four sporting a cut lip and Zeke a nice bump to the head. Four and Zeke, idiots at best, both leaned down to grab Theo at the same time resulting in yet another Theo-induced injury.
"Come here you little tyke," Four growled and swooped him up in his arms – Zeke still lying on the floor defeated. A slight gasp caused them both to look up.
A young girl, no older that Tris looked at the misfit three in front of her, taking in the grown man on the floor, the Dauntless prodigy with a bloody lip and contraption around his middle, and the happy as can be baby in his arms.
"Uh -,"
"Don't tell Tris," Four blurted out before carefully dragging Zeke back in and shutting the door.
"Get up, man! It won't come off!" Four whisper shouted frantically as he set his son securely on the chair before tugging at the prison.
"Yeah, about that," Zeke said shyly while holding the out the broken piece.
"We need help."
**TIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAAB**
And that was how they found themselves on their way to Tori's – Four clad in a sweatshirt way to small for him. He had insisted that the only thing weirder that what the Dauntless had seen this morning was him wearing a baby carrier without a baby in it. Never mind the fact that the sweatshirt was squeezing him from all angles. And there was no way in hell that he would let Theo back into this prison. So, there they were, banging on Tori's shop, completely ignoring the closed sign.
"I'm coming, I'm coming – what in the hel-heck is going on?" She waved off Four's pointed look at her almost "naughty" word and let them in.
"What is going – Four? Why do you look pregnant?"
"Surprise?"
**TIAABTIIAABTIAABTIAABTIAAB**
After explaining the horrendous day they had, they all stood in silence as Tori slowly took every thing in. She glanced wearily at the two men and then at Theo before bursting out in laughter.
"Are you serious?!" She gasped, literally wiping tears from her eyes. Four and Zeke glanced at each other in question. "I mean honestly. Tris left you two in charge of a baby – a baby, and somehow you two end up looking like you just came out of a fight." she roared with laughter, gesturing to Four's now bruised lip and Zeke's swelling bump.
"Next time tell Tris to leave him with me so you guys don't end up looking so broken next time."
Four let out a sarcastic grin before raising his arms, "So can you get me outta this hell hole or should I ask Mr. Troublemaker over there?"
"You said he - ," Zeke started to point out, sounding like a two year old.
"My baby, my rules. Now get me out." Four practically whined, just waiting to get out of the mess. About three minutes into the "Free Four from the Baby Carrier" mission, a slight buzzing filled the room.
"Zeke, quit playing with the tattoo needles," Tori murmured from behind a screw driver.
"S'not me." Zeke mumbled in his half asleep state. Four's eyes snapped up to see Theo hitting the on and off button like a pro.
"No, no, no, no!" Four grabbed Theo away from the tool as Zeke yelped, not caring that he would have to restart the process of disengaging himself all over again and cradled the baby to his chest.
"Your baby nearly tattooed me!" Zeke cried, mortified at the fact.
"You're going to kill me," Four sighed into the baby's head as he continued to hold his son tightly. The small click and the loosening of the carrier caused Four to re-open his eyes and sigh in relief.
"Freedom," he growled while ripping the retched thing from his body. Tori chuckled as she reached for Theo and cradled the baby to her chest.
"Looks like he's finally tiring out," She whispered as she swayed back and forth.
"C'mon. We owe you some dinner," Four said as he opened the parlor door and dragged Zeke out.
**TIAABTIAABTIAABTIAABTIAAB**
Tris smiled at Shauna as she opened the door for her, and somehow managed to get the assorted strawberries and apples in the appartment and onto the kitchen counter without disaster striking. Two open boxes of pizza met her gaze and the sound of a movie playing about birds in Rio touched her ears.
"Shh." She whispered, a finger pressed to her lips as they silently made their way to the living room.
"Awwww."
On the armchair lay Tori, wide awake and completely invested in the movie. Four and Zeke, on the other hand, sat side by side on the couch, their feet resting on the dining table and their heads knocked together. Light snores escaped their lips as Tris looked down and saw Theo curled up in his father's lap, half his body on Tobias's chest, and his little feet under Zeke's hand.
"Two big babies and one little one, how precious." Shauna cooed in awe. Tori's head snapped up as she slowly rose from her seat. She held up the mangled baby carrier and watched as their mouths dropped open in shock.
"How about two big idiots and one little baby? I'd say that fits more."
Please review and let me know if you want me to continue these little one shots. Thanks!