Becket kneeled over the body of her mother's killer, weeping. His blood covered her hands. The room was silent as so many members of the department, used to her steely calm, watched her breaking down. Castle rested his hand on her shoulder and whispered in her ear.
"Come on, Beckett." He helped her to her feet and guided her to the bathroom. She continued to weep as he washed her hands for her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Tears rolled down his cheeks.
"I have a hard job, Castle. You make it a little more fun." She confessed the next day. He was moved by her admission. Even as they had become friends, he had continued to feel that he was still a burden to her. One that she wished she did not have to bear.
"You're secret is safe with me." They were the only words he could manage. As they ate the dinner he had brought, he worked at keeping the emotions hidden. The past few days had been nearly overwhelming for him and he was having difficulty dealing with it. His calm wit in any situation was something he had cultivated since he was a very young man. Alexis had been the only person on the planet that he had allowed to glimpse past it in many years. The illusion was close to falling apart.
"I meant what I said, Castle. None of this was your fault." She said over coffee in the café across the street. She had convinced him that they deserved dessert.
"Thank you."
"Why so quiet?"
"I'm not sure what I am feeling."
"Me too." They were quiet for a moment. "Can I tell you something?"
His brown eyes met hers. "Always." It was almost a whisper.
She looked away and seemed to lose her nerve.
He took her hand gently. "What is it?"
She looked back into his eyes. "This has been a very emotional time for me."
"I know." He squeezed her fingers.
"I don't know how I could have gotten through it without… you."
"You know…"
"I do know." She cut him off. "It scares me."
"Why."
"Once I decided to put Mom's murder behind me, I survived by locking my emotions in a cocoon. I decided to rely only on myself because I didn't think I could survive that kind of pain again." Her eyes were moist and her voice became strained. He used both hands to stroke hers. "I got by not letting anyone in… until you."
"We're a lot alike."
"Maybe." She squeezed his hand. "I need you, Castle. As much as I have tried not to need anyone, I really need you." Her voice broke. "I can't get through this without you." Tears rolled down her cheeks.
Castle stood and pulled her into a hug. She melted into him, needing so much to feel protected. That was wrong. She needed to feel loved.
Neither spoke for a long time. Instead they swayed together on the spot, her tears soaking into the fabric of his once crisp shirt. He stroked her hair and pressed a kiss onto the top of her head.
"Can we get out of here?" She asked finally.
"You bet." He left money on the table and took her hand as they left the café. "Where to?"
"Are you sure this is where you want to be? I could take you to Paris instead." He smiled.
"This is perfect." She sat between Alexis and Castle on the couch as the movie started. "Hand me the popcorn."
"Your wish is my command." He passed the bowl and kissed her cheek.
She touched his face and softly kissed his lips. He almost dropped the bowl and stared at her, his heart pounding, long after she had turned to watch the movie.
When the movie was over, Beckett was in the kitchen, loading root beer float glasses into the dishwasher when Castle walked in behind her. He put a hesitant hand on her shoulder.
"You don't need to do that."
"I don't mind." She looked at him with very soft eyes. She took a step closer to him. "Thank you for tonight. It was just what I needed."
"Believe me when I say that the pleasure is all mine." He wrapped his arms around her tenderly and kissed the top of her head. "God, you smell amazing."
Beckett lifted her head to look into his eyes and gently stroked a finger along his jawline. She kissed him very softly, her lips barely brushing his. He responded with a strangled moan, then pulled her closer against him. He kissed her, much harder, touching his tongue to hers. The fireworks were immediate and as their kisses grew in intensity, they grew bolder with their hands. He brushed across her breast, just lightly enough that it could be passed off as accidental. She satisfied her long standing question about whether his ass was as firm as it looked in his tailored pants.
"Don't mind me." Came a voice near the refrigerator.. "Just getting a glass of wine."
They broke apart, but instead of acting as though nothing had been going on, Castle kept his arm around her waist.
"Hello, Mother."
"Hi, Martha." Beckett had always like talking to his mother. She got the most interesting information about his past. "How was the show tonight."
"Fine, Kiddo, fine. The delivery boy botched his lines and dropped his package, but I was able to smooth it over."
"Glad to see all of those improve classes I have been paying for are finally paying off."
"Yes, Dear. Me too." She pulled two more wine glasses from the cabinet. "Would you two like to join me in a glass?"
"Thanks."
They passed the rest of the evening in pleasant, friendly conversation. The adults sipped their wine and Alexis pretended to be reading while she watched her dad and Beckett touch hands and make tender gestures toward each other.
"Well, kids, I think it is time for the two of us to head up to bed." Martha said after her second glass of wine. Alexis started to protest, but gave up quickly.
"Night, Dad." She kissed him and turned to Beckett. "Detective Beckett, I am really glad you decided to come over." She hugged her. "I hope it made tonight a little easier for you."
Beckett was touched. She took her hands and squeezed them. "Thanks. It did." She hugged Alexis tightly. "Now go to bed."
"Yes Ma'am." The teenager smiled as she left the room.
Martha winked and walked up the stairs.
"I thought they would never leave." Castle slid next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She kissed him softly and hugged as though for dear life. He wrapped his arms around her and held her. "Are you OK?" He asked as he stroked her hair.
"Not really." She looked up into his eyes. "I keep going over everything in my mind. What I could have done differently."
"There was nothing you could have changed. I'm the one who screwed it all up. It's my fault."
"That's not true." She took his hand. "You are my rock through this. I never would have found my mother's killer without you and I wouldn't be dealing with it as well as I am if I didn't have you supporting me."
"You wouldn't have had to shoot him if I didn't let myself get caught. I wasn't careful enough."
"He was a trained assassin. It wasn't your fault."
They were quiet for a long time, staring blankly at the television. Beckett let out a big yawn.
"You should really get to bed. You are exhausted."
"I am afraid to." She confessed. "I have nightmares when I get this involved in a case, especially Mom's."
"Then you should stay here." He whispered into her ear.
"Castle, I don't know if I am ready to…"
He cut her off. "I know." He lifted her chin so she was looking at him. "I just want to be here with you. I want to help you."
"You already have." She hugged him tightly. "I don't have any pajamas."
"I'm sure we can find you something."
Beckett stepped out of the shower in Castle's bathroom and wrapped herself in a luxuriously plush towel. She picked up the sweatpants and t-shirt he had given her to sleep in and filled herself with his scent. She felt a rush of excitement.
"You're here to sleep." She reminded herself. She dressed and walked into the bedroom to find Castle lying on the bed reading a book. He had on pajama bottoms covered in comic book characters she did not recognize and no shirt. She had noticed earlier, when her hands had been under his shirt as they kissed in the kitchen, that he was very muscular. Seeing him now, without his shirt, she could see that she had underestimated him.
"Do you want me to put a shirt on?" He asked.
"What?" She hadn't realized that she had been staring. "Oh, no." She walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed under the covers. She felt like she was lying in clouds. The bed and sheets were the most comfortable she had ever felt. She sighed. "If I can't sleep here, I can't sleep anywhere."
Castle closed his book and set it on the nightstand. He climbed under the covers and turned off the light, then he slid up next to her. He felt her tense slightly at his closeness. "It's OK, Kate. Just sleep." He wrapped his arms around her and spooned his body against her. "Look at that. We're a perfect fit." He kissed her neck and felt her relax back against him. They stayed like that until they both fell asleep.
Castle woke to an empty bed several hours later and sat up to look for Beckett. He saw her silhouetted by the large window, looking out at the city. He walked up behind her and gently put his hands on her hips. She leaned back against him and covered his hands with her own.
"Somewhere out there is the person who hired him."
"I know."
"We're going to find him."
"I know."
She turned in his arms and felt the much needed embrace.
"Now come back to bed." She nodded and let him lead her back to the luxurious king sized mattress.
"I could get used to this." She said as she rested her head on his bare chest.
"I hope that's true because I want to get used to this."
"I won't cramp your playboy style?" She laughed.
He looked at her, the look in his eyes was very serious. "Believe me when I tell you that you cramped that style a long time ago."
"What do you mean?"
"I haven't been on a date in months." Beckett was stunned. "The more I have come to know you, and the more I have come to… care about you," he had almost said love, "The less satisfying my usual dates have become." He kissed her. "I am happier lying here with you, fully clothed," she laughed, " than I have ever been having wild monkey sex with supermodels."
"Thank you, I think." Now it was his turn to laugh.
It was a restless night for Beckett who woke up several more times. Castle had been there each time to hold her and to wipe her damp face with a warm washcloth. He had rocked her and talked her through the panic and cradled her as she drifted back to sleep. When she awoke the final time, sunlight was flooding into the room through the huge window she had been looking through the night before. She looked at the clock and was shocked to see that it said 10:00. She could not remember the last time she had stayed in bed past 7:00. She sat up and swung her feet over the edge of the bed.
"Castle?" She called softly. She walked across the room and knocked on the bathroom door. Just then the door to the hallway opened quietly.
"Morning, sleepy head." He said as he walked over to her. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him very tightly.
"You OK?"
"Yeah. I just… missed you when I woke up." She shook her head. "God, I sound like an idiot. I'm not usually like this."
"I don't mind. I like it when you act like a girl." He joked. "Come on downstairs. I am making pancakes."
"You don't mind that Alexis knows I spent the night."
"Are you kidding?" He kissed her on the forehead. "She would be disappointed if you hadn't." He bent down to whisper in her ear. "She cares a lot about you. Just like her Dad." Their eyes locked for a moment. He looked like he was going to say something else, but caught himself. "Get cleaned up and come down for breakfast." He brushed a stray wisp of hair from her forehead and kissed her tenderly.
As she came down the stairs, she caught sight of Castle and Alexis in the kitchen. They were making the pancakes he had promised and joking playfully with one another. She was touched by their closeness and longed to experience their caring. As unusual as the Castle family was, they were happy and they all loved each other very much, no matter what they said.
"Detective Beckett." Alexis came over to meet her at the bottom of the stairs. She gave her a quick hug. "I'm so glad you stayed here last night. You shouldn't be alone."
"Thanks, Sweetie. But I am OK, thanks to your Dad." She hugged her back. "And I have slept in your home and am about to eat your pancakes. It's OK for you to call me Kate as long as we're not at the station."
"Good, Kate, then let's eat. Dad makes the best pancakes in the world." She took her hand and led her to the kitchen. She took her plate to the table.
"Thanks." She said as he handed her a plate. She kissed him softly, surprised at her boldness in front of his daughter.
He smiled broadly. "My extreme pleasure."
Alexis had protested accompanying the two on their day out because she did not want to be a third wheel, but when Beckett had insisted that she would enjoy her company, she had agreed. They went to Beckett's apartment first to get her a change of clothes and a few things she needed, then they walked in the park, had a nice lunch at a sidewalk café and caught a matinee of the musical Alexis had wanted to see. Several times through the course of the day, Castle found himself staring at his daughter and Beckett and feeling like a family. There truly wasn't anyone else in the world that he trusted more with his daughter, not even her mother. Especially not her mother. He caught himself several times, trying to scale it back a bit. Beckett was going through a lot and he had never been the "serious relationship" type. Still, he thought, with her it might be worth the experiment to see if he could change.
"What are you two giggling about up there?" he asked them as they walked ahead of him toward his apartment building.
"We're not giggling." Alexis protested.
"Are you talking about me?" he asked with a smile.
"You're pretty full of yourself, Castle. Can't we just be having a little girl talk?" Beckett winked at him.
He caught up and put an arm around each of them. He kissed his daughter on the top of her head and Beckett quickly on the mouth.
He let them all into the apartment and Alexis ran upstairs to check her Facebook page, the adults sat down together on the sofa where she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Did you have a good day?" He asked her hopefully.
"Couldn't have been any better." She said as she traced lazy circles on his chest. "Thank you."
"Please, nothing to thank me for. I loved it." He stroked her hair. "Every minute of it."
"Would it be inconvenient for me to stay again, for the night?"
"If it helps you to sleep, you can stay forever."
"It doesn't bother you that all I want to do is sleep?"
"It bothers me a little, in a very, very good way. Someday you will want to do more than sleep and when that happens, I plan on being right next to you, ready to comply at a minute's notice." He smiled broadly at her.
She smiled at him.
He brushed her hair away from her eyes and pressed his palm flat against her cheek. She pressed it to her lips.
"I'm going to make you something to help you sleep." He walked to the kitchen. Kate smiled to herself. She felt relaxed and happy for the first time in a long time.