Readers: I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this story except for what I've loosely described in the intro. Don't judge it by its prologue. This story is going to get lighter and more "romantic" so hang in there and enjoy!
It happened just once. I don't know if he remembers, but I do. How he came down to my cellar that night, the most intoxicated I'd ever seen him before. He was even more drunk than the time when he was in my cellar telling me how "I really was a good cook and a well-trained servant" and how he'd give me a recommendation after the war.
No, the night this…thing…in my stomach happened was different. There was a more sinister air about him, more lascivious. I tried to talk him out of it; how it went against his code of ethics, how I was a lowly Jewess—how it would be the same as doing it with a rat. But his mistress had been away for a month and he knew we'd be alone that night. Just this once, Helen. No one will ever know.
Any beating would've been better than what happened, but it is too late now.
I don't know what he is going to do with me when it becomes visible. I assume he will kill me. The guards have been glaring; they all have figured it out that I'm pregnant and have their theories. Probably they are wondering why the Kommandant still keeps me, but I know one of them will kill me if he gets the chance.
I think tonight I will tell the Kommandant of my state just to end it now. I would rather he kill me than one of those young fools who holds no rank at all. It's like my father always said: "If you're going to die, then let it be your own choice."
Well Papa, choosing my killer is about as much choice as I will get once the truth is visible. So let us leave this sick world now before I become attached to this other life and regret having to die even more.