I always hate it when people go back and re-write chapters. However, there were errors that I simply had to edit. I'm sorry about that. I'm not a professional writer or editor. I will/ have made mistakes. I do hope that I have/will catch a lot of them. Please enjoy.
Chapter one
Can I close my eyes for a moment and think? Just think of a quiet time. A time when I didn't have to be on my guard. I'm scared, lonely, broke, and running from a madwoman who's trying to kill me. Victoria. I can feel her. She's like a spider crawling around the edges of my mind. I can't figure out how I've managed to live this long without her catching me.
Leaning back on the dirty seat of the bus, I look out the window and watch as the street lights glide past my eyes. The bus jerked to a stop, I notice the date flashing on the sign. It's been two years almost to the date since I've been running. I've lived two years longer than I should have. Part of me just wants to die. However, the other part of me wants to see how long I can go on like this. That sick sadistic part of me. I didn't even know I had one, but then again, I didn't know a lot about myself.
Las Vegas sin city was now my home, at least for the next few weeks. This would not have been my first choice, but I needed to find jobs that didn't require many questions to be hired, do your work, and get paid every week. Perfect. My mind drifted back to Forks. I miss it. I miss Jake. I miss my dad. I miss my house, my bed, my truck. I miss the rain. God, I miss the rain, I miss him, them. A tear slides down my cheek, I lift my sleeve and wipe it away. I notice the tiny girl in the window. She looks like someone that I use to know. Her eyes are dark and sunken in. I have to look twice - it's me in the reflection.
The bus jerked ahead, and I watch out my window again. For a moment, I allow my mind to relive the past. Edward, just the thought of his name makes the hole in my chest burn. I wonder if this hole in my chest will ever stop hurting. I wonder how he's doing? I wonder if he's found someone new? Another tear rolls down my cheek. Did he fall in love with another human? Or, did he find another Vampire? God, I bet she's beautiful. He should be here with me. He should be protecting me. They, my family should be protecting me. But, instead, I'm here all alone running from a deranged Vampire.
Memories rush through me, Edward. His bronze hair, crooked grin, his cool touch. I hug myself. The hole in my chest is ripping open again. I pull a jagged breath deep into my lungs. The last time I had seen him was on our trip home from Italy. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I tried. I tried so hard not to keep loving him. I could not have lived with the thought of him killing himself. Instead, I got more heartbreaks. All I deserved. The look on Alice's face when she arrived at Charlie's how frantic she was at the thought of Edward killing himself at the hands of the Volturi her words filled me with fear and dread. I would have walked to the moon and back to help them. To save Edward. Now, look at me. Alone and on the run.
Where are they when I needed them? I tried not to relive those memories. Another tear found the well-beaten path down my cheek. Pictures of Jake yelling at me, telling me about how crazy I was to fly off to Italy with Alice - those images of him screaming and shaking me - never really left my thoughts. They were making the tears run faster. I didn't' have a choice, did I? I had to help Edward. I would have done anything for him. I was the one who put him in harm's way. With my stupid attempt at 'seeing' him. Cliff jumping. How silly of me. Bella, the idiot. I had to stop him. I had to do something. Anything. I would have given him my life, my blood. And they didn't give me the time of day. I had to stop this. This was insane. Two years and I'm still a blubbering idiot. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I pulled the sweater over my hand and rubbed my face with the rough fabric. "Stop it, Bella," I muttered to myself. Sighing, I closed my eyes. I simply could not stop the memories once more from filling my mind.
My best friend, Alice. I didn't think I would need one - I didn't know I would want one, but when she bounced into my life and bounced out just as quickly - I felt just as hurt and broken with her leaving as Edwards' departure. After saving Edward, the look on Alice's face was priceless. He was safe, safe from Volturi, and that's what mattered.
The Volturi. I remember Edward telling me about them, the three kings, at his home before my horrible birthday. The crazy one, the angry one, and the sad one. Their threats about watching the Cullen's didn't seem to bother either Alice or Edward. Those threats may not have bothered Alice or Edward but terrified me. Those red eyes. I see those red eyes sometimes in the little sleep that I get. I see them coming with Victoria right behind them. In their throne room, I surrounded by such beauty. Edward always called himself the monster. As my eyes looked at the beautiful people in the room, I was the monster. Edward's beauty, of course, stood out, but the Volturi kings were beautiful as well. They were all so tall, two dark, handsome warrior men, along with a tall blond one who looked like he could kill with his eyes alone. They spoke words so quickly that I only caught a few words. The shorter of the dark men stood before me and grasped my hand. His smooth, cool hand felt different than Edward's; you could feel the power that he held in just his touch. For the first time, I felt the fear of the vampires; I stood before.
I should have known after we left their throne room something was wrong. I was too exhausted, hungry, scared, but most of all, relieved to be getting out alive we were all alive. Edward was alive and well; he was holding my hand. "It's ok, Bella, we're going to be ok," He mumbled into my hair.
We arrived at the airport. Alice dragged me through the terminal, through security, and we settled into our plane seats. I could tell that Alice and Edward were talking, but I was just too tired to say anything due to my fatigue. Edward was alive, and that's all that mattered. Upon awakening after a few hours' sleep - I turned to look at both Edward and Alice - Edward held a look that I could not put my fingers on- it wasn't a happy look or sad look, it was a look of disdain - of disinterest. I went to talk - but no words would come out. My fingers itched to touch his hand that was just centimetres away from mine. But the muscles in my hand held on to memories better than my heart. I clenched my hands together - from that moment, I knew that Edward wasn't coming back to me. I felt that familiar burning feeling in my chest now, just like the first time he left me.
I did all I could do, and I still wasn't good enough for him. I just had to face the facts. Not good enough. The words spoken by the Volturi did nothing to stop the fact that I would be left alone by the one person I had given my soul.
The bus slowed down. I stood up and quickly checked the bus's occupants; as I took a slow step off, I scanned my alley. The cheap hotels and lower-end places to rent were well off the strip in some of the seedier parts of the city. Welcome to my life. I knew that if a vampire were close to me, there would be no way for me to run away. Instead, I would have to face my destiny.
The air was cool as I quickly found my street. A few short blocks later, I arrived at my humble home. I had to jimmy the key in the lock. I slipped inside and locked the door. Of course, again, if there were a vampire in my house, a locked door would keep them out. My lowly home was nothing more than a sleeping bag on the floor. I travelled light. These days I needed to be able to flee at a moment's notice. Slipping off my shoes, I padded my way to the fridge, I had only lived here for the last couple of weeks, so there wasn't much to choose from for supper. I grabbed a glass of water and a few loose cheese slices. Rent was due this week, and I didn't have the funds to purchase food and pay the rent at the same time. I always had a little for a bus fare if I felt the need to get out of town quickly. I promised myself that I would not spend this money no matter what. I slowly ate my cheese slices, and I allowed the memories of my life in Forks to seep into my mind. I stripped my clothes off and headed for the shower.
Stepping out of the shower, I slipped slightly. Old habits didn't want to leave me. I was still as clumsy as they came. I crawled slowly into my sleeping bag. I closed my eyes and allowed those horrible memories of them abandoning me at the Airport in New York.
I could see Edward, and his eyes would not look directly at me, the way he ran his hands nervously through his hair. I knew that it would end. Edward crashed into my world, tore my heart out of my chest and, took off. I should have known better. Why did I have to be so stupid! Alice didn't say two words either, she bowed her head, and not a word was spoken. For someone who was always chatting no matter the situation - she said nothing. I just stood there - frozen and just watched as they simply slipped into the crowd at the airport in New York. I was just too stunned to cry. I couldn't make a scene at the airport. I simply stumbled through the crowd and made my way out. I stood on the sidewalk. The smell of exhaust fumes burned my nose, and the sounds of cars and people filled my ears. A small part of me was stupidly thinking that there would be a car waiting for me - waiting for me to go back to my family. However, they, my family were gone again.
For a brief few moments, I thought I was dreaming, and this wasn't for real -they won't leave me, would they? I don't remember much - I can't recall how long I stood on the sidewalk outside - looking and waiting for them. As the light of the evening began to show - I wandered back into the airport, found the payphones, and made a collect call to Charlie. I can hear his voice. How frantic he was, how excited, happy-scared and angry all at the same time. Funds were low for us, but Charlie called the airlines and got me a flight home. Alone.
Arriving back in Seattle, the look on Charlie's face was something I will never forget when I stepped off the airplane. His face showed anger and forgiveness. His dark eyes held back tears I knew had been shed earlier.
"Bells, don't you ever-ever do anything like that again to your old man he whispered in my ear. He immediately enveloped me in his arms. He squeezed me so tight that I had a hard time breathing. I felt so stupid, so silly - I was walking in hell - and decided to bring him along for the walk. All I could do was apologize for my behaviour and promised never to ever do anything like that again to him.
The ride home from Seattle was quiet except when Charlie broke the silence by asking why I had left the way I did. I told him how Alice arrived at our house - how she was frantic about Edward's state of mind. Of course, I never spoke a word about where I had been, and I'm sure if Charlie knew I had arrived from Italy, he would have had a bird. I told him that the Cullen's were in upstate New York- and that the Cullen's had dropped me off at the airport. I told Charlie that I had lied to the Cullen's, I told them I had the money for the flight home. After everything they had done to me, I still felt the need to protect their family name. I just couldn't speak ill of them. Maybe one day, just not yet.
I had only been home for a week before the fire happened. I was in school. Why Charlie was at home was beyond me. Jake and Sam had no proof of it, but all the scents were lining up. Victoria is back and closer than before. I don't remember the funeral at all. I vaguely remember a lot of people surrounded me. I moved in with Billy and Jake for a few months after Charlie's death. Renee and Phil were next.
Victoria knew how to hurt me. Alone and hiding on the Reserve. ** Victoria started making other vampires' and building up an army. An army of hatred against me. Me… all because I fell in love. I don't know what God I made angry with me, but my punishment was swift and strong. I lived on the Reserve for about six months. With all the new vampires' running around, more and more of the Quileute tribe became shapeshifters.
People I knew were disappearing, "bear" attacks were getting more common. Sam came to the house in desperation, asking me to leave. The pack simply could not keep up with all the new vampires', nor could Sam and the other pack members keep up with all the newest members of the pack with all their volatility. Jake fought hard to keep me safe. I knew that it was only right for me to leave. I had to stop this. It was time for me to face my destiny.
I was able to slip off the Reserve. Sam had an idea of taking some of my blood and keep Victoria off my trail for a few weeks. The look on the boys' faces when I left broke my heart once again. I knew I would never see my Jake again, nor would I ever see my Forks again.
Jake drove me to Port Angeles, where I purchased a bus ticket as far away from Forks as I could get. New Mexico was my first stop. I staggered off the bus, not knowing what my next move would be. Thank God I had a little cash initially - not much Charlie had a small Police Insurance. In the beginning, I stayed in larger centres. I felt that I could disguise my scent in the crowds. I found a housekeeping job at hotels. I tried the occasional waitress job but soon found out carrying drinks on trays and being clumsy was a bad combination.
I found that the hotels I cleaned at also gave me cheaper rates if I stayed on site - these were of the lower end of quality - but a job was a job. I spent all my holidays thinking of my family, the people that I took for granted. The first Christmas, it took all my power not to go back to Forks. I pushed all those feeling deeper down. I had to survive for what reason I couldn't figure it out, maybe for Charlie, for my mum. Not sure, I always knew when Victoria was close. I could feel her. The hair on my arms would stand on ends. I felt this incredible need to run, leave, and not look back. I tried to stick to warmer climates, lots of suns - but I could not outrun the twilight hours.
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**So, someone commented how I spelt Reserve. I live in Canada - In Canada, we have "Indian reserves" which are specified by the Indian Act (Enacted in 1876) as a "tract of land, that was vested by Her Majesty, for the use and benefit of a band. Reservations are only in the United States. In Canada, there can be dozens of reserves within a treaty boundary while in the United States, reservations generally cover the entire treaty area.- so Reserves and Reservations are pretty different. This information has been obtained by Wikipedia and LinkedIn. In Canada, a Reservation is something we do at a restaurant, or holding a seat or keeping something for later ….(, personally I am a none status, indigenous person. I am a Proud Métis) **