When I opened my eyes to the face of Catelyn Tully I screamed or cried, a little of both. Gosh I didn't like this woman. Get me away from this woman. Yes I am a dramatic being. Deal with it. My emotions were meant to be free. Suddenly I'm in different arms and I see a different face. It's Eddard Stark. I stop crying. Wow. I am literally being held by my favorite character and before you say anything 'I don't give a damn!'. Look at him he is so young. Wow. Just wow. My little body begins to giggle in glee. He is saying something but I can't understand but it must be good because he is smiling. Look at that he has all his teeth. So shining. How?
I feel him walk somewhere and begin to lay me down on something. Catelyn's face once more was in my view. I cry. I get twisted in her arms and a breast gets placed in front of my face . Nope I refuse to be in debt to this woman and before you say anything I don't care if she gave birth to me.
She gives up trying to feed me after a while of me just crying and refusing to suck. I am once more in Eddard's arms and I quiet down. I snuggle into his arms and smile content. Gosh I would marry this man. Before you say anything mentally I don't see him as my father. Eddard moves out of the room and into the hallway where two guards are waiting. He speaks to them with a smile. I wish I understood what was being said. He moves on and enters a room not far from where we were at this point I am fighting sleep. Honestly being reborn and crying my tiny lungs out is exhausting. I hear an excited shout which alerts me to other people in the room. I feel Eddard kneel down and soon there are two boys in view. One had red hair with blue eyes and the other had black hair with grey eyes. I stare in shock. Are these two Robb and Jon? They are so adorable I try to pinch their cheeks. Give me a break they are hard to resist. They are so chubby. I end up failing anyways. I hear them speak again not understanding anything but one thing. Sansa. Sansa! Where? Redheaded kids are adorable and if these two are adorable Sansa must also be adorable. I try to twist and turn in place to get a glimpse but I can't because my body is too new and unused to simple movements. Ugh this is so frustrating. Why won't she appear before me like the other too.
Wait why am I so cool with this situation. Now that I think about how am I here, did I die? What? God I did die. I'm an idiot. Oh well not like my last life was any better then what I might live through here. Wait no it's worse here there's no showers. Wait...I am in the North. It's cold here. Noooooo. Who would do this to me.
So let me tell you. Turns out I am Sansa Stark. Awesome, I am a redhead. Always wanted to be one. I even tried to be one but honestly maintaining that hair color was difficult I hated the bleaching the most. Back to the situation. Yes I am Sansa. Which works for me because she was my favorite female character. Yes, it has everything to do with me having a crush on Sofia Turner. It's been 6 months since I was reborn and I have to say being a baby isn't that bad I get to do two of my favorite things all day: eat and sleep. The pooping part is just humiliating. I am currently sucking the milk out of my wet nurse Jenna. I was given a wet nurse since I refused to drink from Catelyn. Though I am trying very hard to not act antagonistic it took a whole month before I managed to stop crying every time she grabbed me. I was grimacing for a while but now I can just pretend it's not her grabbing me.
The reason for my change of heart was because well she is this body's mother and well it isn't fair to her for me to make her think her daughter hates her. Though I do but hey maybe I'll grow to like this version. Doubt it. I am distracted from my feeding to the door opening. I let go of the nipple and turn my head. It's Jon. "Yon!" I cry in delight. Oh yes people I managed to speak. Well only the basics like names, da, and no. I still don't understand most of what they say but I am learning. Jon smiles at me and makes his way over. I raise my hands towards him, making grabbing motions in his direction. I hear Jenna laugh and say something. Jon smiles at her and blushes. I wonder what she said.
Jon grabs me and hugs me. Jenna's hands don't leave my body until Jon places me down. We begin to play for a while until Jenna tells Jon what I assume is time for him to leave. Jon kisses my cheek and makes his way out the room I pout. Jenna lifts me up and gives me raspberries to make me smile.
Later Catelyn walks in to us laughing as Jenna tickles the bottom of my feet and pretends to eat them. I grimace. I whimper and make a quick motion where I am trying to suck Jenna's nipple. I hear her laugh and begin to untie her dress at the breasts. I said I was trying, not that I was fully cooperative.
This is why I dislike her.
I was taking a nap so Jenna left to do other things not sure what when Jon walked in. I was already awake so I quickly sat up and made grabby hands at Jon. "Yon!"
"Sans." he quietly smiled. He made his way over and lifted me out of the crib. I give a startled yelp when it looks like he was going to fall over and clutch him around his neck with fear. This was a bad idea. Though despite my fear he was able to stay standing he moved me quickly to the floor. The three year old (or is it four already) then sits besides me and takes out the blocks from the chest against the wall. We spent the time laughing. Jon was trying to build a tower and I would knock it down. At one point he had built a great castle and I wanted to be the monster so I wobbled to my feet. It took a while since this was my first attempt having been too lazy to do it before. Once I felt assured I wouldn't fall I made the first step. Damn. This was definitely a bad idea. Well at least I destroyed the castle like I meant to. Note to self don't try anything you haven't practiced yet even though you could do it in your previous life.
I give a whimper of pain. "Sans okay?" I hear Jon asked worried. I tried to move but all I managed to do was roll over. I hear a female shriek. Great, she's here now. I tilt my head in the direction of the scream and through blurry eyes I see Catelyn. Jon had moved next to me some time ago and was trying to lift me up. I see Catelyn rush forward screaming. "Bastard…" I don't catch everything she says due to still not understanding all the words and her speaking too fast but I get the gist. Catelyn pushes Jon away hard and grabs me. How dare she? I scream pissed off. I try and get away from her by wiggling but her grip is tight around me as she yells at Jon.
I don't stop screaming until my father comes in. "What is happening here?" his quiet voice slow enough for me to understand the words somehow pierce the loudness of me and Catelyn.
"Da! Da!" I lung for him. Catelyn barely keeps hold of me.
"Sansa careful." she says. I scream.
"Dada!" my father quickly takes me from her arms. He pats me on the head and wipes some of the wet tears still on my face. I lay my head on his chest and settle down. Honestly he is such a calming presence. I hear him speak again. I lift my head and turn to face trout face and Jon. Catelyn was furious but had contained her anger while Jon was on the floor crying.
"That boy hurt Sansa." I scolded at her interpretation of what had occurred. Gosh if I could I would call her a liar but all I could manage was babble and an angry wave of my arms. She said some more things but once more I only caught a few words. This not understanding people is irritating. Thankfully father didn't believe her knowing she disliked Jon. Well I assume he didn't because he made his way to Jon.
"Jon" He placed one of his hands on his shoulder "it is alright. Now why don't you tell me what happened." the bitchy trout says something but father silences her. "Catelyn stop. Jon," he probs. Jon hiccups trying to stop his tears. I want to hug him and comfort him. Seeing him in distress makes me want to hurt Catelyn for making him feel bad. He is a baby. Stupid bitch. Forget about not trying to hurt her. She can go to hell for all I care.
"Yon...oookaay?" I sound out the second word never having actually said it before. Jon stops crying and looks at me. His eyes are cloudy with tears but like this his eyes have never looked more purple. How? Are his eyes in reality a grey lavender? Are his eyes some form of a mutation? I mean you're either or the other not both. Can it be both? So preoccupied was I with this new discovery of Jon's eyes that I didn't even notice anything else.
My daughter is a strange creature. When she was born I noticed this. While a child usually seeks out its mother she could not get away from her fast enough. I thought nothing of it at first but when it continued to happen I began to question it. Why does my daughter shy away from her mother? Why does she lose her smile whenever Catelyn is nearby? I observed from a distance watching quietly whenever I got the chance.
Catelyn I have come to find out is a good and dutiful wife. She manages well her role as Lady of Winterfell and she is a good mother to both her children but she has a bad habit of blaming people who are the least at fault. She trusts too much in the 'good' of rich folk over the small folk. The trueborn over the natural born. Though the one thing I have noticed the most is how much she hates Jon and she takes every opportunity to blame him. She placed all the blame of being born on Jon just because I claimed him as my bastard.
When I noticed this I became saddened. I did not expect her to love the boy. If I'm honest I didn't know what to expect. I had hardly known her when we got married. I had just met her once at the tourney of Harrenhal before and mostly she kept to Brandon's side. Brandon who thought her boring and prudish but acted interested because father warned him that the betrothal was nonnegotiable if he wanted to continue being the heir. I fisted my hand at the thought of Brandon even now I still missed him. His strong presence. Brandon was born to be a leader. He was raised to be Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North not me. He was a good brother and I wish he had lived along with Lyanna. Lyanna, Brandon's female counterpart, also dead before her time. I force all thoughts of them out of my mind.
I knew how the south viewed bastards, especially their faith. Catelyn was a devout follower always praying and going to the small sept I built her at her request. She did not request it verbally but she gave hints here and there that she would love one, so I built her one as a peace offering on the matter of Jon. Hoping she would stop asking me to foster him elsewhere. I would never let that happen. He belongs here with his family.
I sign in frustration. I had begun to care for Catelyn until I noticed this. Her attitude put a damper in my affections for her. She could have just ignored him and let him be but she couldn't. She always has to stare him down. Always finding every opportunity to make him leave his lessons to hinder his knowledge. Always trying to teach him his place non directly and if she has directly I haven't seen it.
Which brings me back to my daughter. She was a smart girl; it was obvious to anyone who watched her closely. She understood the mood in the room quiet quickly as she observed everyone. I at first thought it impossible but at times she would get this frown on her face that said she was trying to think of something or was acknowledging what someone was doing. It made me wonder could my daughter sense Catelyn's attitude towards Jon. If she could then she had chosen whose side she would take on the matter. Sansa loved her brothers and always became happy when they would visit her. Though Jon's visits had to be secret since Catelyn wanted him nowhere near her daughter. She did not reject Jon in my presence but when I wasn't around she would run him out. I noticed this on one occasion where I lingered outside in the hallway. Jon had left quickly at my wife's harsh words not noticing me still in the hallway. I continued to look inside the nursery my daughter who had been ,although not content, calm in her arms began to fuss and scream. Trying to wiggle out of her arms reaching out for Jenna who was in the room. Sansa does not tolerate anyone making her brothers sad.
Which brings me to the situation at hand. I was coming to check on Sansa since I saw Jenna walking outside the castle with her two year old son who was already running around chasing chickens. It was Catelyn's yells and Sansa's loud screaming that greeted me when I turned the hallway. I quickly make my way to the nursery. Inside I found Catelyn with Sansa trying to wiggle herself out the arms tightly holding her. She was yelling in a rage at Jon who was on the floor holding the back of his head and tears on his eyes. A quiet anger begins to raise in me. I interrupt the yelling and screaming and get the attention of both females. Sansa immediately flings herself at me making Catelyn almost drop her. I grab her and hold her to me patting down her hair which had stood up in her anger. I wipe away the tears which I know to be from frustration at her inability to do anything in the situation. I know my daughter well despite her only being 10 months of age. She snuggles into my chest and takes a deep breath. I turn back to Catelyn and Jon is still on the floor silently crying. I wanted to go to him but first I had to address Catelyn.
"That boy hurt Sansa. That is what is happening. I come in here, him putting Sansa on the blocks, hurting her. He is a devil born of sin he needs to leave. He is a danger to our children. There is no place for him amongst our children. Your trueborn children. I want him gone." I ignore the second part of her words once she finishes her rant. I head to Jon and kneel down. The four year old was still crying with one hand. I placed it on his shoulder as comfort. I feel Jon flinching a little at the touch this once more raises my anger.
"Jon, it is alright. Now why don't you tell me what happened." Jon takes a deep soundless breath trying to rain in his tears.
"I already told you what happened. There is no need to ask him. He will just spin a web of lies. It's all bastards know how to do." I grind my teeth in anger and annoyance.
"Catelyn. Stop." I bite out trying to stay calm and collected. Not letting the wolf inside out. "Jon." I prob. He is still crying though it has slowed down. I rub my hand up and down on his arm. I want to bring him close for a hug but reframe for fear of escalating the fight I know I will have with Catelyn soon.
"Yon, oookaaay?" I hear my daughter ask. I feel a slight joy at her care for her brother and of a new word she added to her vocabulary but don't let it distract me. Jon suddenly looks up at Sansa's voice. My heart stops. Where I used to think that Jon had inherited the grey Stark eyes was in fact a greyish purple. Dread course through my body with the next words my daughter said. "Petty pupul" they thankfully were a whisper. I turned to Catelyn, she was still there scowling at us with arms crossed. She can not see Jon's face from where she is standing. She can't be trusted with Jon's safety. Forgoing my earlier reservations I wound my arm around Jon and picked up the small four year old. He latches on to my neck. With one child in each arm I make for the door.
"Ned what are you doing? Where are you taking them?" she tries to follow.
"To my solar I need to speak to Jon alone." I say. I could hear the gritting of her teeth.
"Well give me Sansa I should take her to the Maesters to get checked?"
"Sansa is fine. I will keep her with me." with that I leave the nursery and go to my solar ignoring Catelyn's protest. I need to get Jon to stop crying and make sure no one sees him. I cannot risk him being exposed. I need to make sure Sansa speaks nothing of Jon's eyes. How I would get a baby to understand I know not but I have faith Sansa is intelligent enough to understand.
Arriving at the solar I place Sansa on the fur rug near the hearth. I place the stone cyvasse with stone figure pieces to entertain her while I focus on Jon. At first she seemed reluctant to not be next to Jon but she pinched her tiny lips and with a sigh she faced the game and messed with then.
"Jon," I take the boy in my arms and sit him on my lap. "Why don't you tell me what happened?" Jon had stopped crying during the trip here but he was still quiet. He turned his face into my tunic trying to avoid the question. "You are not in trouble, I just need to know what happened." I try once more.
"Lady Catelyn, told I don't lessons no more. So I go. I wanted to play." he stops talking here. I felt irritated at Catelyn's interruption of Jon's studies again. I would have to speak to the maester about listening to Catelyn when it comes to Jon's education.
"Go on Jon, you wanted to play so you went looking for Sansa. What did you do when you found her?"
"She awake. I get her out of the bed." I frowned. That was dangerous. It was fortunate that he didn't drop her. "I build and Sans the monster. I build a big castle and Sans walk and fell." I pause processing his words and trying to decipher his toddler talk.
"Are you saying that Sansa is walking?" I ask in disbelief. Sansa has been very lazy when it comes to moving. It has only been a week since we got her to start crawling and even then she prefers to be carried then having to get anywhere on her own.
"Yes." he said with a nod. I look at him, his eyes still a little red but no longer wet making his eyes look grey once more. I run my hand through his thick black curls and kiss his forehead.
"Jon do me a favor," the boys as he leans into my touch. "When you feel like crying, come to me or go to the Godswood. No one, not even Catelyn can disturb you there." I tell him as I hug him close. I turn to my daughter and she is staring at us with a smile, the cyvasse pieces forgotten and thrown around her. "Now run along I believe Robb should be out of his lessons now." I tell him, releasing him from my hold. With renewed energy he jumps off and heads for the door. I chuckle in mirth. I feel something tug on my trousers. Looking down I see my daughter standing there. "Up." I lift her and my good mood continues. "So my little wolf. What shall I do with you?" her head tilts in confusion. "Purple" I try and her nose frowns. Maybe I overestimated my fear and Sansa does not remember. Well as the saying goes out of sight out of mind.