Dear Readers,

Wow has it been a decade. I have been working on this story on and off since the ripe old age of 17. It has been with me through some of the hardest times of my life. And finally, in 2019, I gave up on the idea that I would ever really finish it. Reading the old version feels like a window into time, peering at the loss, love and pain I was experiencing while I wrote it. Now, as I am about to graduate from medical school with another 8 years under my belt, a wonderful and supportive fiancé and too much time during a pandemic, I can complete my child. Why not just replace the old story chapter by chapter with this one? Well, because I hope this is a more mature version of the last one. I have grown so much since writing the original Living Lily and continuing that version of this story felt incomplete. This is going to be a more AU version with more fun and laughs, I hope. But also a new tone. Being older than Lily was when she lost her husband and having a fiancée of my own now has given me a vastly different perspective on how I had written this character. I hope now that my Lily and I have matured, my old readers will love her just as much as they loved her then or even more. And for those just joining us on the journey, welcome. Thanks for stopping by. I can't wait to explore my world where Lily lives with you.

For nostalgia's sake, I've left our old friend up on my profile. Feel free to take a glance if you're ever curious on how this series started but know so much will be different from the original.

Buckle up for the ride!

P.S. There are only 3 pairings that are cannon that I believe in. G/H. L/J and H/R. Everyone else? Completely up for grabs.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, a shocking fact, I know.

This Living Lily is dedicated to my fiancée. Thank you for your strength, your constant support and the love you so freely give me. You are my rock now and forever. And to my beta, Tearose_romantic. Your friendship means so much to me, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. Her bio can be found on A03 - if you're into Fire Emblem at all, give her a look!

October 31st, 1981

"Do it again James! He loves it when you make sparks!" Lily said happily as she watched her son's eyes gleam with excitement. Harry's eyes fixated on the tip of James' wand as red and gold sparks exploded around them, and his beautiful laughter filled the air. James and Lilly smiled at each other from across the kitchen table. It had been a relatively quiet night at the Potters'. Lily, James, and their son Harry were hiding from what she could only describe as pure evil – the leader of the Death Eaters, Lord Voldemort. Somehow, although their son's fate had been prophesied to remain intertwined with Voldemort's, they had found peace on this Hallow's Eve. Their friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter would have normally spent it with them, as it was a very popular holiday in the wizarding world. But they were off fighting Voldemort in their own way. Sirius was on duty tonight, Remus was running with fellow werewolves trying to track their movements, and Peter was attending to his sick mother.

Her thoughts melted away as the sound of Harry's laughter filled her ears again. "See, Lils. I told you this would come in handy again someday after graduation."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't think learning how to make Gryffindor colored sparks to wield as you walked across the stage counts…"She swore he had grown up since becoming a father, but some things never changed.

Lily started towards the kitchen – in their last year of hiding, the house elves she had become accustomed to were not allowed in. She was about to start working on the dishes by hand, after realizing that her wand was still upstairs next to their bed, when a loud bang sounded in the living room. Lily turned back and she and James shared a look – a look that they both knew might be their last.

"He's here," she whispered.

James swore under his breath, "I swear to god I'm going to come back to haunt Peter." Lily didn't have the time to process what he had said when the door blew open. "LILY! TAKE HARRY AND RUN!" James shouted.

Lily immediately recognized that James' Auror instincts had kicked in. She grabbed Harry out of his high chair and stood as James did. Leaning over their son, she managed to kiss him on the lips. "I love you, Lily. Do you have your wand?" She shook her head as she stared at his eyes, drinking them in. "Take mine. Take mine, Lils. And the apparation wards…" He grew quiet. He reached out and held her close, kissing her hard. There was a desperation in him she had never experienced, and it struck fear into her heart. They could both hear large steps coming towards him. "Protect him, Lily. I'll hold him off while I can!" For once, Lily didn't argue. It nearly killed her, walking away with James' wand. He would be defenseless. But arguing with him now would do nothing. She ran up the stairs to the nursery, Harry in her arms, hoping James could save himself somehow; she prayed for one more argument when this was all done.

"So, we meet again." She could hear a slithering voice say to James as she reached the nursery.

"Foolish man." The voice that filled her nightmares was now in her kitchen, and she could hear it coming closer. "Who are you to think you can protect them from Lord Voldemort." Lily snuck into the nursery, closing the door as softly as she could. Bringing attention to them would be more of a death sentence than this night already was. She recognized that from this point forward, she needed to make sure James' sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.

Holding her son tight, she felt a small tug in her stomach as she attempted to apparate. Her heart sank as she realized she had failed. Not only did she not have her wand, but she knew Dumbledore had placed wards around the house – the same ones surrounding Hogwarts. She then tried one of the stuffed animals that James and Sirius had turned into a portkey for this exact moment. Grabbing the leg of the hippopotamus, she and Harry spun once, only to stop. Peter must have told Voldemort what wards were on the house. Otherwise, he wouldn't have known what to keep in place. It was useless calling the house elves – the wards would keep them out too. She and Harry would be going nowhere tonight. Nausea threatened her composure.

She placed Harry gingerly in the crib and began to hum an old Muggle lullaby her mother used to sing to her. The sound of James running up the stairs stopped. She heard a second pair of footsteps behind him stop slowly. "If I die tonight, I'll die protecting my family because I love them." Lily heard her best friend, her love, her soul mate making his last stand. She began to cry softly while she told Harry how much they loved him.

All was quiet for a moment. Then the sound of a slithering laugh came. "Well, well. I very much expected for you to put up a fight, James Potter. In fact, I was told that the one thing I should worry about was your fighting skills. Are you trying to prevent your death? I'd be more than willing to spare your life if you join my followers!"

"Never. I'd rather die a painful death a thousand times over than ever give you my son or my wife by following you. Bastard."

Lily's breath caught in her throat as she grinned. That's my husband.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

A sickening thump hit the stairs.

He just… James is… her already existing tears poured out of her eyes more furiously than before. "Hush, little baby don't say a word, Papa's gonna buy you a mocking-bird." Harry just stared back at her – his mirrored green eyes filled with confusion as they began to cry. "Harry, don't cry. Be strong. Mummy loves you. Daddy loves you. Be strong, Harry." She whispered to him softly.

The door knob began to turn as Lily waited, horrified. He seemed to be opening the door as slowly as he could, knowing that she was waiting. She made a decision and turned away from Harry to face her husband's killer. Her son began to wail and scream.

The door was fully opened now, and Voldemort's snake-like eyes stared at her. A smirk grew as he pointed his wand at her and said, "Move, girl!" Lily shook her head furiously.

"Never."

"Reducto!"

Lily was flung across the room. The world went dark for a moment, and then it began to spin. Or was she spinning? She tried to open her eyes, and when she finally did, she remembered where she was. Her head had been hit hard... but was she bleeding? Her heart dropped as she remembered why her head was hit. All thoughts of herself were forgotten as she opened her eyes wide enough to watch a cloaked person raise their wand to a baby. A baby? No, HER baby. The person's cloak was slashed on his other arm. She struggled to try to get up but realized her body wasn't following her brain's commands. She felt a warm liquid trickling down the back of her neck and tears began to fall as she realized she wouldn't be able to stop what she was seeing.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

All noise stopped. She blinked. And blinked again. She kept blinking – somehow, the man was gone. But her baby was still sitting up. Harry. Harry was still alive. He wasn't crying, he was just staring. The only thing Lily knew in that moment was that she needed to stay awake – she needed to stay awake for Harry.

She kept singing her mother's lullaby, as loudly as she could "Hush, little baby don't say a word…"

"Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass." She struggled to keep singing. There was no way to tell what time it was – how long she had been trapped in her own body, pinned against the wall was anyone's guess. Harry's cries had restarted and were now keeping her awake, keeping her singing. Finally, her voice gave out. It felt like only moments later that she heard a different noise coming from somewhere outside of the room she was in.

"JAMES! NO!" A familiar voice – it sounded like it was in pain. It began to cry. She stared at the door – the voice sounded so familiar. If only it would come to the door.

As if she had commanded it, the door opened and a tall, shaggy-looking man came in. If only I could place him…

"Lily?" The owner of the quiet, shaking voice was barely heard over Harry's now wrenching sobs. He ran to Harry first and Harry's cries diminished greatly. So, Harry knows him too.

He glanced over at her for the first time with piercing grey eyes. "Lils? LILS!" Her eyes had met him unblinking, wide open. "NO, LILY!"

That's right, my name is Lily.

She blinked and the shaggy man began to sob. "Lily? Lily!" He came running to her. Harry began to cry. "Lily, can you blink for me?" The familiar man looked so happy to see her blink. As she stared into his eyes, she couldn't help witnessing the feeling of weight being taken off of his shoulders. "Can you speak?"

"I…" The man gave her time to finish her next word, but she just couldn't find it.

"Lily, it's going to be alright." The shaggy man kneeled down to meet her level. "Do you know who I am? Blink once if you do."

Lily blinked twice.

"It's okay, Lily. I'm James' best friend, remember? I'm Sirius." His pitying eyes followed her gaze towards the crib behind him.

James.

"I know, Lils. It's going to be okay - I'll get you and Harry to St. Mungo's immediately. And then," Sirius' kind grey eyes went flat, "I'll find that dirty bastard."

Harry will be safe.

And then Lily's battle with consciousness was lost.

November 4th

Lily began to wake up from what felt like the deepest sleep of her life, in total and utter pain. Her limbs didn't feel like her own, her skin felt oily and dirty, and she had the worst headache she had ever experienced in her life. She tried to open her eyes slowly but shut them tightly again when she realized how bright the lights were.

Why am I in the hospital? And where's James?

"James." She said groggily, trying to find him. She slowly raised her left arm, looking for him in his usual spot next to her. She began to realize that she couldn't be in her own bed. This bed was too small – James couldn't fit next to her here. "James?" She tried to call out louder. Maybe she was taking a nap at Sirius' and James couldn't hear her from the kitchen. "James?"

"Lils?" Remus's voice replied.

"Remus, where's James? What's going on?" She struggled as she tried to open her eyes again. When she finally managed, she saw Remus and Dumbledore in the two chairs beside her bed. Harry was sleeping peacefully in Remus's arms. "Professor? Why are you here without James or Sirius?" Her voice didn't even sound like her own. That concern began to wane as she looked at the two men in front of her - Remus's eyes looked pained. He clearly hadn't shaved in days. He was wearing Muggle clothes – a stark contrast to Dumbledore, who was wearing a full formal set of dress robes. Dumbledore's usually sparkling eyes looked gravely at her.

"Lily, do you remember anything from the other night?" Dumbledore asked, carefully

Things began to come in flashes. Red and gold sparks, the front door bursting open, one last kiss from James…

"Is James really… is he dead?"

Dumbledore nodded his head solemnly. He continued on slowly – as if he'd had days to practice this moment. "Lily, he died to protect you and Harry. Of course, unless you tell us what happened that night we're only speculating. From what I understand, if he hadn't died protecting you, well, the consequences would have been terrible. Both you and Harry would have died. His love protected you." She was quiet. She didn't understand. Tears began to well up in her eyes as she tried to process what Dumbledore had said. "I'll explain more when you're well."

"Where's Sirius?"

Dumbledore looked at Remus. Remus answered instead. "Lily, he's in Azkaban. As your secret keeper, he must have sold you to Voldemort. In other words, he's a Death Eater, Lily." He used the same calculated voice from before. "I know this must be so hard for you, especially after being asleep for almost five days, and losing James…"

Her mind raced as Dumbledore's words faded. This was wrong. This was so wrong. Lily's heart fumed. Her fury was boiling. "What do you mean Sirius is a Death Eater."

"Well, Lily, he went after Peter and killed twelve Muggles to get him after betraying you and James to Voldemort." Dumbledore said, this time even slower – as if her issue had been hearing him.

Lily began to shake, and her fury boiled over. She felt herself losing the little control she had found since waking up.

"GET HIM OUT OF THERE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? DO YOU NOT TRUST HIM THAT MUCH? YOU BLOODY MORONS!" Lily's anger foamed as Harry awoke, wailing, stopping her screams. Remus and Dumbledore had shrunken in their seats. The light had left their eyes, and she couldn't help but notice a slight tremble coming from both of them. "You idiots." She scathed, taking Harry from Remus's lap. She tried to calm the screaming child. "James would be so disappointed in you, Remus. And Professor Dumbledore? You didn't question him at all? Sirius was not our Secret Keeper." Remus looked shocked. "Sirius thought he was the obvious choice. He didn't trust you though, Remus, nice to know the feeling was at least mutual, so he came up with another option. He'd act like he was still our Secret Keeper so that if Voldemort ever found him, he couldn't get any information out of him. And that way he'd die knowing we were safe." Remus and Dumbledore looked dumbfounded. "So, we switched Secret Keepers. Sirius Black was not our secret keeper. Peter Pettigrew was."

Sirius stared solemnly at the blank wall in his bleak cell. He had spent his 22nd birthday in Azkaban if the marks on the wall were right, knowing he was innocent. Lily would wake up and prove it. She had to. It had been five days if his memory was correct, and there was no sign of anyone giving him a trial. Not even a word on how Harry was doing. Nothing. He didn't want to believe that Lily was dead. She couldn't be. She must have survived. Harry and she were all he had left of James. James. Prongs. His brother. The man he'd grown up with and loved so dearly.

He heard an all-too recognizable screech from the hallway. It was his lovely cousin Bellatrix. Sirius snorted. Finally, that snotty-nosed brat is where she belongs, he thought ironically as he stood up and stared at the bars enclosing him. I wonder how they finally got her. I've been on the search for her for years… too damn bad I couldn't be the one to catch her. The unattractively annoying screech came closer and closer, turning into a laugh as Bellatrix was carried past his own cell. Their eyes locked as they stared each other down.

"What the 'ell is the blood traitor doing here?" Bellatrix cackled and it sent chills down his spine. Sirius could see it in her eyes that she was truly wondering how he had ended up in his cell. She started to fight the guards, clearly curious about her old cousin.

"I'd ask the same but we both know why you're here." Sirius replied, his voice harsher than he'd expected it to be.

"True." She continued to fight the guards as she looked at him oddly. "Who knew I'd ever find you here." She laughed crazily again as she let herself be carried off by the guards. Sirius watched them carry her off until they were out of his sight.

He was innocent. He knew it. Bloody hell, even Bellatrix knew it. He had to get out soon. The Dementors were beginning to make his memories turn – memories of Snape running towards the Shrieking Shack on a full moon, pranking a first year who ran away and cried while Lily came up to scold him over it, the looks Peter gave them when he felt left out of their conversations…

Footsteps of another guard came near as Sirius straightened up. He sat back down on the lumpy bed and continued to stare at the wall, not wanting to look desperate. He listened closely to the footsteps as they came nearer and stopped in front of his cell. He watched the cell door being opened. "Sirius Black, I've come to release you. You've been pardoned by the Minister of Magic." He finally looked up from the floor, recognizing that voice. It was Kingsley Shacklebolt, his fellow Auror.

"It's about bloody time." Sirius said as he grinned. I've got to get to Lily and Harry.

The many hours between his Azkaban release and his arrival at St. Mungo's weren't filled with the best moments of Sirius' life. Upon exiting the boat that had charted him back to the mainland from Azkaban, a young blonde reporter had followed him step by step until he had made it to the hospital. He was being escorted by the Minister of Magic himself, and this young woman couldn't stop bombarding him with questions. The rest of the journalists weren't all that great, but this one just wouldn't. Leave. Him. Alone. When the fan-fare was finally over and the Minister himself had handed over a sizable check to Sirius for the mix-up (he was now the godfather of "The-Boy-Who-Lived", whatever the hell that meant), he ducked inside the hospital. Thankfully, reporters weren't allowed there.

"I'm looking for Lily and Harry Potter, please."

The witch behind the desk continued to work on the paperwork in front of her. "And who is asking? You should well enough know no reporters are –"

"Harry's Godfather."

The witch looked up, startled. "Ah, so sorry, Lord Black." She grinned sheepishly.

"How do you know my name?"

"I reckon everyone does, now. Room 408."

Sirius gave her a confused glance and a thank you under his breath. Hands in his pockets, he trudged towards the staircase to the fourth floor – the Janus Thickey Ward, for spell damage. He knew it well – it was the floor Lily herself had worked on before they had gone into hiding. Tossing the memories of James aside, he focused on the other person he knew he would see there – Remus. It had been months since they had last talked, and it had not gone well then. He wanted things to be different now. If he had just listened to James and Dumbledore and trusted Remus, this entire situation could have been different.

No. He tried to shake the thought. Although he knew he was lucky to have avoided major damage to his mind in Azkaban, he couldn't help but feel negative thoughts creep up more often than they used to.

401, 402, 403…

Sirius looked to his right – Frank Longbottom's mother was crying outside of a door. There was a baby in her arms, Neville he assumed. A healer was patting her on the back. He'd have to remember to tell Lily…

404, 405, 406…

Sirius re-focused. Remus. Peter had done the same thing to him that he had done to Remus. He must have planted doubt in our minds…

407, 408…

Sirius ran into the hospital room. Lily was asleep but Remus was in the corner, feeding Harry. His friend had looked worse, but he definitely could have looked better. The past week clearly had been rough on him too. The last few seeds of doubt that the Dementors and Peter had planted began to wilt. Remus hadn't noticed Sirius in the doorway, so Sirius cleared his throat. Remus' head snapped up and stared at his old friends with tired eyes.

"Well. I guess this would be the best time to have this conversation. Since Lily's asleep." Sirius said, whispering as softly as he could.

"Sirius, I'm so sorry, I just assumed…"

The words felt as if they came out like chunks of vomit. "You assumed I was their Secret Keeper. That's how we wanted it to be perceived. That's how the plan was supposed to work. I don't blame you whatsoever. I know I thought you were the traitor but as I thought more about it while I was at Azkaban, I realized that Peter fed me ideas against you. I'm so sorry, Remus." Sirius took a deep breath and crossed his arms against his chest.

"I'm sorry as well. Peter did the same to me. I actually thought that you were following your family heritage." Remus looked down, putting his hand on his forehead in anguish. "The reasonable part of my brain must have forgotten that for as long as I've known you, you've done nothing but fight against it. How easily manipulated we were." Remus said sourly, as if a sour taste resided in his mouth.

"I know. It was war. There was a traitor. What else were we supposed to do?" Sirius found a chair and dragged it next to Remus. He straddled it as he stared at baby Harry. They sat together, looking at the child their best friend had left behind. "Let's put that behind us and concentrate on what's going on now." There was an easy quiet that passed between them – a kind of thoughtful quiet they hadn't shared since before their relationship changed during the war. "How is she?" They both turned their heads and looked at Lily's sleeping body.

"Well, from what we've gathered from her, she was hit by a Reducto curse from Voldemort, but it didn't cut her. It just threw her against the wall. When she hit the wall, she hit the back of her head fairly hard. They're currently re-growing some of the bones in her skull and the skin and hair surrounding the bones. We're just lucky nothing penetrated her brain. You know how hard it is to reconstruct brain tissue." Sirius sighed in relief. She was going to be okay. "Unfortunately, she seems to have lost a few memories of that night and was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury, or a concussion. And quite a severe one. She hasn't gained all of her strength back, and she still wakes up asking for James. She's only been awake since this morning, so the Healers think that as her body heals, hopefully her mind will as well."

"That's not good but at least she'll be okay. And what about Harry? It was so dark in the nursery that night I didn't see anything wrong with him. I was in a hurry to get to Lily though."

"Come take a look for yourself." Remus said quietly. Sirius looked harder at the baby in Remus's arms. Remus gently brushed the hair off of Harry's forehead, and allowed Sirius to get a good look at the baby's face. Sirius blinked as he noticed a giant lightning-shaped scar on his forehead that flamed red.

"What… how…" Sirius was so confused. How does one get a lightning bolt-shaped scar on their forehead?

"Albus believes that James' sacrifice for his family prevented them from being hurt from Voldemort's curses. The Reducto just threw Lily back, and when Voldemort tried to kill Harry it bounced off of Harry causing Voldemort's death. Everyone in the magical community is holding Harry to be a hero. The "Boy-Who-Lived" to be exact. Harry is famous. He's so famous that there are people who are already trying to buy the trademark of his name. I don't know how Lily and Harry will ever be able to live a normal life." Remus sighed. "When Dumbledore was here this morning, he told Lily and I that he doesn't believe Voldemort is gone, but instead biding his time and healing somewhere else. The prophecy they were told when he was born has apparently been partially fulfilled through this somehow, although Lily and Dumbledore both said it was too dangerous to mention exactly what the prophecy is until we're alone. It was apparently why they went into hiding. It also means that this isn't over. And it might not be for a very long time."

Both men were quiet for a long time, each lost in their thoughts. "We'll figure something out. I know it."

In a drafty castle high up in the Scottish hills, there were two new letters on the new Potion's Professor's desk.

The first had fresh ink on the page,

Lily,

I am glad you and the boy are safe.

Sev.

The second, which had multiple different crumpled up drafts around it, simply said,

Dumbledore,

Thank you.

Snape.

Let me know what you all think!

I will update chapter two on Sunday, and from then on I hope to update every Sunday. As I will be starting my job as a Physician in July, that may become bi-weekly, but I promise to at least post two chapters a month.

writingblondie