Dear Dean
"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~ Carl Bard
SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN
NOVEMBER 20TH, 2020
Dear Dean:
I have always been the one that was good with words and feelings. The whole "sharing and caring" thing, as you would call it.
Now, I do not know who I am supposed to be. I do not even know my own name. Chuck finally lost, and Cass and Eileen are gone. Jack is now the new God, I suppose. Wherever you are, I hope you get to see him again.
He's a good kid. I'm proud of him, and I know you were, too. We were supposed to make our own story after everything we've lost. The only one I couldn't afford to lose was you. My big brother, my real father and mother ever.
Why now? Why? Was this really our ending? I don't want to do this alone, man. I just can't.
Miracle is here with me. He follows me most of the time, but sometimes, he goes missing within the bunker. I cannot allow myself following him, because I know where he is without looking.
He's barking at the closed door of your bedroom. He thinks you're here, hiding from him. I wish I could be that innocent, at least for a second.
Yesterday, I held your warm body one last time. Every time I close my eyes, I can see you there. Bleeding out in front of me. I couldn't save you. It wasn't supposed to end this way. Even though we have dealt with this situation many times before, things are too different now.
I made a promise to you. I am not sure how to keep fighting alone. Everyone is gone.
Everyone but me, and Miracle.
I started writing this letter to you in this old dusty journal, even though I know you won't read it. I did what you would have liked me to do. I left your ashes right next to mom's resting place this morning.
I wish the one to die had been me instead, you know? This is not right. I'll keep my promise, though. For you. For us.
Maybe you were right after all. I'm just like dad, more than I think I am.
A little stubborn, and now starting my own freaking journal. I don't want to get lost again. Maybe this will help me. What am I gonna do now? I don't feel like hunting for now. Right now, I'm gonna go get drunk. I don't wanna be conscious to see this messed up reality.
I need you, brother.
Help me find a way to keep breathing. Help me find a reason to fight for.
I love you, too. But you already knew that.
Hope to see you again one day, Dean.
Take care of yourself, and don't get in trouble. I can't save your ass this time.
Seriously, dude.
Sammy.