A/N: I've had the idea to write some Iron Man one-shots for a while now, and thought putting together a whole series of them was the way to go and probably couldn't hurt. Some will be humorous, others more serious and with an actual plot. Might as well start somewhere.
And so, I give you this. Not the best thing ever, but I found some amusement in it. XD
The title of this series is a work-in-progress. Titles are not my strong suits. xD;

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the computer this was written on, and even that was a gift. D:

You Just Peed In the Suit. That's Not Sexy.

To be perfectly honest, Tony Stark had a problem.

Truth be told he usually did, but the one he was suffering from trumped the others ten-fold and in his frenzied state he was struggling not to deem it as one of the worst moments of his entire existence. And that was including the one time in Calgary with that woman with the Adam's apple that kept hitting on him. He'd bolted from her the moment she started approaching him and it had taken Happy nearly two hours to remind Mr. Stark that women did not, in fact, have Adam's apples. A cheap Anatomy 101 class right there.

Ever since his demonstration of the Jericho missile overseas, life seemed to have a tendency to grant him with its 'AH-HA-HA-take THAT' attitude every waking moment of his life upon his return following his three month absence.

This moment in his life though, if it was even possible, made his captivity in an Afghanistan cave look like one of the deleted scenes from a B-rated movie people only scoffed at while promptly hacking up popcorn.

"Sir, as I have advised before, this process would go much more efficiently and painlessly if you were to stop squirming and hold still." He emitted a grunt as his arm was freed from one of the suit's sleeves, blatantly ignoring JARVIS's advice while he swayed to the side once more.

"Mr. Stark—"

"I get it JARVIS!" Tony shouted, spraying spit at the mechanical arms in the process of freeing him from his prison of his own making. "It's just a bit difficult to do so at the moment if you hadn't noticed!"

The technology around him whirred for a few moments as JARVIS processed this bit of information, and Tony could have swore Dummy was laughing at him from the corner where his arm was bobbing up-and-down in a mocking manner. He made a mental note to send a few threats its way once he got through his whole ordeal.

"Sir, your vitals indicate an increase in your heart rate along with—"

"I know JARVIS! Just get me out of this damn thing!" With only one arm freed Tony found himself batting with the arms and mechanisms working to remove the back and chest plates, jerking on his other arm. His legs remained rooted to the spot, leaving him to viciously chew at his lip to accompany the ungodly gurgle in his stomach. He wrenched his other appendage free after what felt like days—which in reality was only a few minutes, give or take a couple of seconds—, his body tilting forward as his chest plate was finally removed.

"Screw this," He ground through his teeth, jerking his body away from the machine trying to aid him in the removal of his self-acclaimed 'lone ranger' suit.

And promptly fell flat onto his face.

Or at least, as flat as he could thanks to the extra hundred pounds of metal encasing his body.

"Sir, I strongly recommend that you return to the platform that you have so gracefully just exited so that your new outfit of sorts may be fully and comfortably removed." Tony grunted at the sarcasm interlaced within the program's circuitry. With another lack of general grace, Stark was able to shove himself up onto his knees and then to his feet, shaking rather noticeably and feeling like he was about to burst. His patience had obviously reached his peak, and he wasted no timing in making JARVIS aware of the fact.

Also, since when had the AI gotten so snarky? Damn.

"JARVIS! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty damn sure you've never had the urge to pee so badly that you can't think straight. So if you'll excuse me—god damn I've got to get to the bathroom already!"

There was silence again. In the back of his mind, Tony was wondering if JARVIS was contemplating metaphorically 'flipping the bird' at his boss. Not that he'd be surprised. Wouldn't have been the first time.

Potts. Get Potts.

Stark was practically gasping the sensation was so unbearable.

"Pepper!" Had she been thrown down the flight of stairs, the woman presumably would have had the same reaction judging from the way she practically flung herself down into his workshop. Tony almost smirked at the disheveled look on her face and the array of papers trailing along behind her. Almost.

"Mr. Stark! I was on my way down when I heard a commotion and thought something had fallen on you, and then I heard you yell and I…" She trailed off, gaze roving around the war-zone-esque her boss was pulling himself from. Not that she hadn't witnessed something similar earlier, but it was still fairly unsettling either way. "What's going on?"

"Pepper," He tone was near pleading as he repeated her name, and she could see the wild intensity in his eyes that was driving him crazy. He almost screamed in frustration, stumbling toward her as she strode slowly closer to him.

"Mr. Stark?"

In retrospect, perhaps Tony ought to have realized that he could have worded his request just a bit better. Would've saved him the embarrassment and the sting on his cheek from his furiously blushing PA.

"Pepper, I need you to help me take off my pants."

And thus, the filtration system was born.

A/N: Otherwise known as a failed come-on.

Am I the only one who was wondering about the whole "You just peed in the suit." "I know, it has a filtration system. You could drink that water."? Honestly, where did that idea come from? I mean, who else would suddenly decide to install something like that? …Yeah, okay.

You go, Tony.

But I am hoping to continue on with this series of random one-shots! Mostly featuring Tony/Pepper moments. Any takers? Ideas?
I'll be here for a while. :D