Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Summary: "You haven't experienced hell unless you've been in MY mind." Sasuke Uchiha was confident that no one would understand his darkness, until he meets a tortured blonde who shows him the light.
Sasuke Uchiha stared obstinately at the wall in front of him; staring past where the 'psychiatrist' his fucker of a brother sent him to was supposed to sit.
He didn't want to be there. He knew it. Itachi knew it. Hell, even the 'psychiatrist' probably knew it. Yet there he was.
He was missing Suigetsu's band practice for this lame-ass 'appointment'. He was forced to trade black metal for fucking elevator music.
He didn't want to listen to some 'psychiatrist' rattle off some lame and useless ways for him and Itachi to 'connect'. He didn't want to 'open up' or talk about 'what has changed'. He didn't want to sit in that 'cheery' room obviously decorated by children. He just didn't want to be there.
He just wanted to go to the band practice and make Itachi just leave him alone.
His life was totally fine!
Sasuke may not get the best grades anymore, but he did enough work to pass. He was never social, so he didn't see much of a change there. He used to wear the clothes his mother had bought for him, but since that was no longer required; he chose to wear more accessories and darker clothes than before. He used to only listen to his iPod, but now when needed; he offered Suigetsu's band the garage. He used to be compliant, but now be had little reason to.
He had always been like this. The only difference was that now it was out in the open. He had no reason to hide.
Sasuke knew exactly what had 'changed' in his life that made him like 'this'.
What had changed was that his parents were murdered.
He didn't need some self-righteous 'psychiatrist' telling him the same thing the school 'councilor' and the other 'psychologist' had told him about 'fixing things in his life'. All that was shit. There were differences, but slight.
The school councilor had thankfully given up bothering Sasuke after he agreed to do enough effort to pass his classes and to not cause any more disruptions in class.
The 'psychologist' was only interested in the Uchiha's wealth. So he had promised Itachi that he'd 'cure' Sasuke…for a hefty sum. Sasuke never said anything to him. So he spouted off some useless advice on how Itachi could 'handle' Sasuke. Luckily after a couple of sessions, Itachi had figured out the truth and Sasuke was freed of the pompous narcissist.
Sasuke thought that he was free from this torture and that his brother was finally leaving him alone, but no; here he was. At some mental hospital. In some 'prestigious psychiatrist's' office. But not his work office, where he does his paperwork and meet with peers and potential clients. No. Sasuke wasn't good enough for that. No. Sasuke was stuck in that office where he meets his patients. Like a child.
Well Sasuke was no child. He did not belong in a room with bright balloons painted on the walls; some by children by the looks of it.
He didn't belong there. He had no 'problem'. He knew his inner darkness and he accepted it.
Sasuke didn't have a problem 'connecting'. He knew who his friends were because they accepted his darkness.
These fuckers had no idea, so he didn't bother with them. They would claim to know, but they had no idea. No one understood.
His friend had an idea of his hell, but they didn't truly know. But they accepted that they wouldn't know and never bothered him about what kind of hell he lives in. They had an unspoken agreement: he didn't bother them about their lives and they didn't bother him about his.
Unfortunately, it did not look like he could achieve the same deal with this annoying-as-hell 'psychiatrist' who had yet to show up to their appointment.
But as long as he was here, he might as well waste his brother's money.
While he sat there—not caring that the 'psychiatrist' wasn't there because he'd just ignore him—he mused about different ways to help out Suigetsu's band. They were decent; had a good sound and got their message across—but there was no finisher. There was no gag or special effect that made them truly stand out.
There were other bands that had members of the band 'cut' themselves with fake knives dripping fake blood. Some bands pulled stunts that made the audience believe they were truly injuring themselves. A few bands had awesome lighting and tech crews. Some bands had the most wicked props that seemed so simple that competing bands couldn't believe they didn't think of until it was too late; there was an unspoken rule that no band is allowed to pull a copy-cat.
Suigetsu's band had good special effects, but so far nothing that truly stood out. Sasuke had volunteered to help think of something because he hung out at nearly every practice and was an unofficial honorary member of the band. Sasuke approved of this status because it gave him the freedom to choose when he wanted to hang backstage while the band performed or to listen with the crowd—he rarely chose to do so, but it was nice to have the option.
During the midst of his musings, the 'psychiatrist' walked in.
Sasuke didn't bother to look up, though he did scrutinize the other through his peripheral vision. The 'psychiatrist' didn't look like any other therapist he had worked with; he seemed visibly lazy. The man had silver hair, seemingly defying gravity and spiking up, though a good chunk covered his left eye. Not that the hair did much because the man had an eye patch covering the eye the hair was somewhat covering. While the man was wearing a typical doctor's coat, it seemed to be worn in a leisurely way to seem 'professional' while wearing a simple black turtleneck shirt with black sweatpants. The man was even wearing a black mask over the lower half of his face!
Not that Sasuke cared.
Sasuke simply stared ahead; ignoring the man who sat at the side of the rectangular table they were sitting at.
The man sighed, and pulled out a pad of paper and an orange book and placed them on the table.
If Sasuke had cared, he might have looked to see what the book was or even at the man himself. But he didn't care. So Sasuke stared ahead at the wall like he had been before.
"So Sasuke," the man drawled, sounding serious but as if he was slightly bored.
Sasuke didn't respond; he didn't look towards the man. He did not give any indication that he had heard him. He just continued to stare ahead.
The man wasn't deterred, "Just answer me this: do you want to be here?"
Sasuke almost reacted. He came very close to saying 'No shit' and be done with the 'psychiatrist'—if the man was even one. But he didn't. He just continued to ignore him.
"I see." The man said. He didn't sound disappointed, nor was he excited. He sounded like he had expected Sasuke to ignore him and wasn't bothered by it.
In Sasuke's peripheral vision, he saw the 'psychiatrist' pick up the orange book and begin to read it. For a brief moment, Sasuke was tempted to see what the book was, but quickly squashed the desire. It was a trick; a ploy. The man was obviously bluffing! He was probably reading Sasuke's file and about to spout some useless shit about Sasuke's life that Sasuke already knew and collect the reward money for making Sasuke 'open up'.
Sasuke refused to play the man's game. He continued to stare forwards.
There was no clock in the room, and phones were supposed to be turned off if not put away. But as a small act of rebellion, Sasuke had kept his phone on; though he would not take it out. He wanted to check the time on his phone, but he refused to crack. The man hadn't moved other than turn the pages in his book so neither would Sasuke.
He tried to focus on the band practice later in the week, but his thoughts kept straying to the man. What kind of shit was he playing at? He was probably playing the Uchihas for their money like the last one had, but without having to deal with Sasuke.
Sasuke decided that he would tell Itachi. He didn't usually talk to him anymore, but he figured that Itachi should know that this time it wasn't Sasuke who was wasting the Uchiha fortune left to the two of them.
After what seemed like hours, a beeping went off, like a small alarm.
Not being prepared for such a sound to break through the silence so suddenly; Sasuke jumped. He inwardly cursed at himself for showing a form of weakness to the 'psychiatrist' who had barely reacted to the beeping.
The man calmly put down the book—cover faced down—and reached into his pocket to reveal a cell phone that was the source of the beeping.
Sasuke was a little pissed. Patients weren't allowed to have cell phones, so why could the 'psychiatrist'?
The man opened the phone and pressed a button and the beeping stopped. So it was a phone alarm.
"Well, that was the hour. Seeya Wednesday, kiddo." The man said disinterestedly.
HELL
Itachi Uchiha waited patiently in the lobby of the Konoha Godaime Hokage Mental Hospital. It was a nice, separate building from Konoha's Hokage Hospital dedicated to mostly the recovery of those with mental issues. It also served as Konoha's main rehab center.
This place had all of Konoha's best psychiatrists and psychologists, all dedicated to their patients and clients. This was also where Itachi had hoped to repair his broken relationship with his little brother.
Ever since their parents had died, Sasuke had closed himself off almost completely. He no longer listened to authority figures, sometimes trying to pick fights with them. He also started to hang out exclusively with the wrong sort of people; bad influences.
At first, Itachi had thought that it was a phase; one that Sasuke would grow out of quickly. Itachi had made little effort in controlling his little brother's actions, apart from lecturing him about his little brother's obvious distaste for authority figures. He figured that Sasuke needed the outlet to grieve for his parents and to simply rebel.
Itachi couldn't find it in himself to blame his little brother for that. After all, he himself had gone through that phase not too long ago. He had joined a gang—Akatsuki—and had gotten himself in and out of many problems. But it ended immediately after their parents had died because he knew Sasuke needed him…
…and because he blamed himself for his parents' deaths…
For a while, Itachi indulged Sasuke in his desire to deal with things alone. If he was being honest, Itachi would admit that he did not leave Sasuke alone because of some transcendent wisdom into is younger brother's desires, but rather so that he could take care of business by himself.
Itachi had spent the first few months dealing with the family business; designating himself the overall owner and CEO of Uchiha Corp but hiring a new temporary president and other staff to make up for the gap left by his father. He also named himself Sasuke's legal guardian and took control of any Uchiha assets.
For the next several months, he devoted his time to taking down the Akatsuki from within. He blamed himself for his parent's death, but mostly blamed his involvement with the Akatsuki and vowed on his parents' graves that he would bring the gang to justice.
Because of his key involvement in taking down the Akatsuki, the authorities had given Itachi immunity for his crimes while an acting member of the gang. He himself had never killed anyone directly so he felt little guilt over making the deal. Overall, he was thankful for it because that made it easier to hide everything from his little brother.
After the Akatsuki was properly taken to justice, he went back to running Uchiha Corp—taking the job as president, but hiring the temporary man as a vice president—and paying more attention to Sasuke.
He knew that Sasuke hated to be smothered, so Itachi mainly helped from the sidelines; talking authority figures out of severely punishing Sasuke, apologizing to those his baby brother might have offended, giving Sasuke general boundaries that were safe for Sasuke to rebel against so his little brother wouldn't go out of control. Little things.
But after an entire year of dealing with this new version of his baby brother—gothic clothing, multiple piercings, eyeliner, death metal, though thankfully no drugs to Itachi's knowledge—Itachi knew that he had to take initiative.
He had forced Sasuke into the meeting with the school counselor. He knew how much it annoyed Sasuke so he felt that it would suffice as punishment and he wouldn't have to do much more in that department.
For a little while, he thought it had worked. Sasuke's grades had gone up, he was no longer causing fights during classes, and he wasn't constantly bucking out against Itachi. But Itachi could tell that it had done nothing to help; Sasuke was only doing those things to avoid the counselor.
Itachi knew Sasuke needed more help than what Itachi could give, so he had sent Sasuke to a well-decorated private psychologist in the hopes that Sasuke would come to learn that he wasn't alone and that Itachi was there for him when he needed it. But after a few sessions of hearing the same things from the old windbag, Itachi soon discovered ulterior motives that involved dollar signs, so he fired him.
Itachi then tried to take a more active role in Sasuke's life, doing what he thought a parent would do; but that had only seemed to push Sasuke further away.
Then he remembered Kakashi, whom he had spoken to on occasion. That man had known Itachi before, during, and after his rebellion and had never judged him. Itachi remembered the aloof man mentioning he worked at Konoha Godaime Hokage and decided to pay him a visit to ask about Sasuke.
The meeting had been brief—as they always were—and ended with Kakashi taking Sasuke as his patient.
They had agreed that Sasuke would meet with Kakashi every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school. Kakashi had mentioned to him that his methods were sometimes unusual but promised results. He warned Itachi that Sasuke might not agree with them, but had asked for Itachi to trust him.
Itachi looked up when he heard doors opening followed by the distinct sounds of the chains on Sasuke's pants as he walked towards Itachi.
Sasuke had walked towards him. Itachi, expecting his little brother to simply ignore him, offered a quiet "Let's go," before turning to leave. He had taken a few steps but did not hear the chains of Sasuke's pants and turned around in a slight surprise, though it did not show on his face. He had expected his little brother to be striding past him in an effort to leave the mental hospital as soon as he could, not for his little brother to have stayed where he was.
"Is something wrong?" Itachi asked, his voice not allowing the extent of his curiosity to leak through.
Sasuke's black eyes locked with Itachi's gray eyes, "You're being played." His baby brother deadpanned.
"Excuse me?" Itachi was slightly confused.
"That 'psychiatrist'" Sasuke's discontent over the term was obvious only to those who knew him well like Itachi, "is playing you. He's wasting the money."
"He is?" Itachi played dumb, but inwardly remembered Kakashi's description of his methods.
"Hn. He didn't say a word all session. He just read a book."
"Is that so." Itachi calmly replied, turning around to walk out of the hospital and back to the car. This time, he heard the chains on Sasuke's pants, telling him that his little brother was following.
"So you admit I don't need that loser?" Sasuke asked, his excitement well hidden at the prospect of not having to attend more meetings with Kakashi.
Itachi didn't retort about not calling Kakashi a 'loser' since that would get him nowhere. Instead, he chose to lightly tease his brother with the truth, "No, you're still going to see him on Wednesday."
He heard Sasuke grit his teeth in annoyance behind him as the two made their way to the car.
HELL
It was after school and Sasuke was in his favorite spot: on the balcony inside the abandoned warehouse where Suigetsu's band played. It had taken them quite a few fights to claim their territory, but it was irrefutably theirs now.
Sasuke smirked as he listened to Suigetsu screaming into the microphone. They had a running bimonthly bet between the other band members and himself as to when Suigetsu would lose his voice again. Jugo, the drummer, only had tomorrow left on his bet. The bassist, Karin, only had until the end of the week. Sasuke was betting on next week right after the actual show. He knew that Suigetsu knew how to hold back when needed; it was only when practicing a new song did he forget himself. Luckily for Sasuke, this set was a combination of remixed old songs that they mashed together.
Of course, only Sasuke and one another were allowed to call each other by their real names off stage. On stage, they went by their chosen names. Suigetsu named himself SlashingPain. Karin renamed herself HellFire, and Jugo was simple The Demon.
Their band, Hebi, was good. They were one of the only bands in town with a female bassist, but that did not add much to their spark. Their band was true to the music and refused to go commercial. They played because the message needed to be set free through music, not because of the fame.
But the fame did help, though. While they did not aim for the fame, they did aim to be the best and beat rival bands. It pained them to admit it, but the message of the music could only go so far. They needed a new pitch because they were losing out to other competing bands who had the nerve to do their shows on the same night as Hebi.
"No, HellFire! LOUDER! And with more fear!" Suigetsu admonished after Karin had screamed at the end of one of their songs. He and Jugo had agreed that Karin screaming before and after the song would give it an edge, but so far Karin's screams had sounded similar to her singing scream in other songs.
"What are you talking about? My scream went perfectly with the music!" Karin defended.
"But that wasn't what we asked!" Suigetsu angrily reminded.
"What?" Karin demanded.
"The song needs a truly terrified scream! Not a musical scream!"
The two continued to argue until Jugo suggested that they rehearse the song again.
Compared to other bands, Hebi was musically equal if not better, but some other bands just had that clincher; that lightning that made them stand out to others. Once Hebi found their spark, then they'd definitely be on top.
Sasuke had tried for the past few days to think of this spark, but came up empty every time. It annoyed him, so listening to the band play familiar songs was soothing, despite how loud they were.
He had suggested a couple of days ago that if they could encompass a true feeling of fear, then that could be their clincher. He had heard enough of those 'therapists' try to analyze his 'obsession with fear' to know that the feeling spreads fast and it almost automatically induces some sort of adrenaline rush when someone sees/hears someone else experience true fear.
So they decided that Karin would open and close their best song with a terrified scream, but so far she had yet to do much other than make the unsuspecting jump. It was shocking, but not horrified.
Once the song had finished with a particularly shrill guitar screech harmonizing with Karin's scream, the Uchiha heard Suigetsu calling for him. He sighed and made his way down the fire escape so he could go to the stage.
"Hn?" Sasuke asked, not feeling the need to waste words.
"Any ideas yet?" Suigetsu asked. It had become a ritual; the band would practice, they would brainstorm ways to make the show better, then they'd hang out until they got hungry enough to bother to go home.
Sasuke simply shook his head to show that he hadn't. None of the band members seemed surprised or too disappointed. If someone had thought of an idea, they would have said so already.
The band members jumped off stage. Suigetsu handed his guitar to Sasuke before joining the others to go up to the old office in the warehouse. The four of them had made the office into their safe haven, even going so far as to bring coolers inside for food and lanterns for when it got too dark. Of course, the warehouse had electricity the city had either forgotten or didn't care about their warehouse, but they reserved it for the lower floor.
The band members left to take off the extra accessories and makeup they wore during band practices and performances in their respective corners of the office. Sasuke, however, stayed by the stage and started playing Suigetsu's guitar. He was pretty good, but refused to join the band officially. He never wanted to be in the flashing spotlight, but rather a large part behind of it.
Before his parents were murdered, his life was under a strict spotlight. Perfection was expected of him as well as for him to willingly accept the spotlight in a professional flourish.
But now, he appreciated being able to refuse the spotlight. He was still expected to be perfect and to come up with all the answers—like with the band's missing spark—but the scrutiny and consequences were far less severe.
Still, he had been trained in classical music and still—secretly—enjoyed playing some classical songs every once in a while; it was his secret about how much he enjoyed doing so. So he felt like he'd be betraying the core of one of the many things their group rebelled against so he refused to perform. Sometimes he'd fill in if a member was late or absent for practice, but never a performance.
His fingers ghosted over the strings in familiar movements, though never stroking the strings. This was his secret and he kept it well.
"Yo, Sasuke! You comin'?" Suigetsu shouted out of the broken window to the stage.
Sasuke didn't bother to nod, he knew Suigetsu wasn't paying attention. He calmly put the guitar down and headed upstairs to the office.
After he sat down, Karin decided that was the best time for an impromptu interrogation/reminder about why he hates fangirls; even the ones he could occasionally stand like the bassist across from him flashing him her cleavage that was practically popping out of the leather corset she wore.
"So Sasuke, where were you yesterday?" she asked, trying to sound casually uncaring but failed to do so because of her piercing gaze through her flashing glasses.
Sasuke repressed a sigh. He had sent a text for Suigetsu to not expect him so that should have been enough. But no. He knew he wouldn't get out of the interrogation, so he might as well vent.
"Fucking 'psychiatrist'." Sasuke growled, letting the others know exactly how he felt about it.
Suigetsu understood the tedious and monotonous questionings of narcissistic 'therapists' like Sasuke had, so he sent a sympathetic look, "That's rough, man."
Karin looked confused, but rightfully outraged on his behalf like a good little fangirl.
Jugo looked concerned, "Psychiatrist?" he asked softly.
Sasuke spared the drummer a look. Jugo may be a demon when he played, but off stage he cared for his band mates, including their unofficial honorary member. It was weak and girly, but Jugo had his reasons and never let it affect the band's reputation so they never called him out on it.
"Nothing serious. Just Itachi screwing with me again." Sasuke scoffed, letting is irritation seep into his voice.
Jugo and Karin seemed appeased while Suigetsu drank some water disinterestedly; he had been through the process before and didn't feel the need to 'comfort' his friend. They all waited for Sasuke to elaborate.
"And this quack didn't even do anything! All he did for the part of the hour he actually showed up for was read his book!" Sasuke ranted.
"Really?" Karin asked; appalled by what the norms did to her crush.
Jugo shook his head slowly to show that he also thought the 'psychiatrist' was a quack.
Suigetsu had stopped drinking his water long enough to ask, "So he realized it was futile?"
Sasuke shrugged, "No idea, but I have to meet with him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday."
The band members looked shocked and appalled while Sasuke silently fumed how the man and his brother don't know shit.
HELL
Kakashi Hatake was making his way to the therapy office where a certain Uchiha was currently sitting in. He knew he was late, but did not care much. He had spent a little too much time with one of his favorite patients and had lost track of time.
This patient was a permanent resident in Godaime Hokage Mental Hospital admitted almost a year ago due to slow recovery from serious trauma and the fact that the boy had nowhere else to go. The trauma still haunted the poor boy despite the amount of time that had passed or the amount of recovery he had managed. All of it flew out the window whenever the poor boy had a nightmare, like last night.
Last night, the poor boy had relived a part of his trauma through his nightmares and woke up the entire floor with his screams of terror. It had taken the combined power of the boy's best friend, Kakashi, other resident doctors and nurses who also had a soft spot for the boy, and powerful sedatives to calm him down.
After his rounds and other patients, Kakashi had spent most of his time with his favorite patient. He didn't ask about the nightmares, for boy had described them a few times before and knew that he did not like talking about them, even in the right mind when he was not plagued by recent fears the nightmares induced. Instead, he spent his time playing games with the boy and keeping him entertained. He had just gotten his favorite patient to relax enough for a nap when the boy's best friend pointed out the time did Kakashi remember his appointments he had set up as a favor for Itachi Uchiha.
He knew he was late, but felt that Sasuke didn't need to know the reason.
It had been over a week since his first appointment with Itachi's younger brother, and the teenager had yet to say a word.
Kakashi wasn't worried, though. He had expected this and had devised a therapy plan he knew would break the obstinate teenager's silence.
Simply put: he would wait for Sasuke to initiate the therapy. He knew that Sasuke did not believe anything was wrong with him; that it was everyone else that had problems with him. Kakashi also knew that Sasuke considered the silent treatment as a challenge; a challenge he would lose.
Kakashi walked into the room. Sasuke was there, in his usual seat at the middle of the table facing the wall. Kakashi took his usual place to the side furthest from Sasuke, as a sign that he was giving Sasuke his space.
He then placed his notepad and his favorite book on the table in front in front of him and asked, "Do you want to talk today?"
He waited thirty seconds for Sasuke to either show that he would participate, or to continue staring at the wall in front of him as he was doing.
"I see." He conceded. Kakashi then picked up his book and began to read. If Sasuke were to talk with him, Kakashi would have picked up the pad.
He allowed Sasuke to dictate what Kakashi would pay attention to. If Sasuke wanted, he would pay attention to him, but when Sasuke was ignoring him, then he would not scrutinize Sasuke.
The two sat in silence. Sasuke was still stubbornly staring ahead with a focused look on his face. He was probably ranting in his head how he didn't need this; Sasuke always spent the first few minutes ranting to himself. Then Sasuke would probably think about whatever dilemma he had. Kakashi didn't know what it was, but he knew that Sasuke cared about the outcome.
Kakashi had just finished a chapter of his book when Sasuke surprised him.
"Are you seriously reading porn?" Sasuke's voice was filled with indignant shock.
Kakashi merely turned the page before deadpanning, "Yes. It's my favorite book."
"Tch." Sasuke replied, turning back to the wall and crossing his arms, trying to seem uncaring. But Kakashi recognized that Sasuke was tired of the 'competition'.
Kakashi seemingly continued reading the book, but in reality was simply waiting for his newest patient to get a little agitated over the silence so Kakashi could begin talking.
He made it through two more pages before Sasuke's eyes darted back towards Kakashi's book and the teenager scowled. It was time.
"Is there anything wrong with my choice of literature?" Kakashi asked, looking over his favorite book to his newest patient.
"I wouldn't call that 'literature'." Sasuke sneered.
"Lucky for me, I bought it and every other book in its series before hearing your charming opinion." Kakashi replied cheerily. The point of this conversation was not start diagnosing Sasuke or to offer Itachi a cure; it was to simply get Sasuke to start to feel comfortable talking with him.
"You actually read that porno shit in front of your patients?" Sasuke asked in a condescending tone.
The boy obviously found comfort in feeling of superiority to others. For now, Kakashi would hold off on indulging himself in poking fun at that particular trait. He'd try to play along.
"Not in front of younger patients, those who couldn't handle it, or new patients." Kakashi told Sasuke as he turned a page.
"New patients like me?" Sasuke asked as if he had caught Kakashi with his hand in a cookie jar.
"Nope. I know you can look past my choice in reading material. I was taking about new patients who truly need the comfort of a professional psychiatrist listening to them." Kakashi explained, looking up from his book.
Sasuke turned to him with a slightly surprised expression—or a truly surprised expression for an Uchiha Kakashi could tell by using Itachi's lack of range of expression to judge by. Sasuke's eyeliner-rimmed eyes were slightly widened and his pierced lips were parted a little.
Sasuke quickly turned back to the wall with his stoic mask back on, "So you admit that I don't need your help?" he asked monotonously.
Kakashi could tell that the teenager was reprimanding himself for showing him some form of emotion. The psychiatrist knew that he needed to find a way for Sasuke to learn that emotions were not the enemy, or at least find a compromise; but did not know how yet.
"No, you need my help." Kakashi said, lowering the book.
Sasuke threw him a glare, before crossing his arms and staring obstinately at the wall ahead of him.
"But definitely less help than some people in here." Kakashi offered, recognizing that Sasuke was closing himself off from Kakashi because Sasuke believed Kakashi was belittling him like other therapists most likely did in the past.
Sasuke looked slightly mollified, but still stared ahead. Kakashi decided that he should elaborate on some vague details about some patients so Sasuke could feel superior again.
"There's one patient who is convinced that they are Flo the Progressive Girl."
Sasuke's expression lifted a little, so Kakashi continued to describe the more comical patients; making sure to only give vague details as to not impede the patients' rights or give any indication as to who could be who.
"I have one patient who swears they can talk the fish in the lobby. We also have another believes that they are psychic and continuously offers to give our fortune instead of taking treatment." Kakashi sighed.
"That'd be annoying." Sasuke offered, his mood almost amused.
"Not as annoying as one patient who will only respond through rapping." Kakashi countered.
"Damn." Sasuke said in a small gesture of appreciation of the frustration the staff of the mental hospital must share.
"Mmhmm, some days are harder than others." Kakashi returned to his book but continued talking to Sasuke, to show that this was a friendly conversation.
"Really?" Sasuke asked, trying to sound sarcastic, but the honesty of the question was still heard.
"Oh yea," Kakashi nodded wisely, "some days are absolute hell."
Sasuke snorted at this, as if finding something extremely amusing.
"What?" Kakashi asked, trying to figure out what he thought was so funny.
Sasuke turned his head to face Kakashi, an arrogant expression on his face, "'Hell'?"
Slightly confused, Kakashi nodded his head in conferment of what he had said.
Sasuke snorted as he slightly shook his head conceitedly, "You don't know what 'hell' is."
"I don't?" Kakashi challenged, seeing this as an opportunity for Sasuke to open up."
Sasuke turned to face him once again, his expression totally serious and still held its arrogance, "You people have no idea what 'hell' is. You're all delusional. Your conception of 'hell' is nothing but a fairy tale based on your petty discomforts of your cozy reality."
Though slightly taken aback by the teen's passion about the topic, Kakashi still felt a stab of irritation when he was told that he did not know what 'hell' was. Sure, he had used the term jokingly when describing a bad day; but through his patients, Kakashi felt like he had seen more than a glimpse of the real Hell.
But no matter what he felt, Kakashi knew that he had to be mature and professional. He could not lecture this punk teen about his arrogance, nor could he betray his patients' trust and rights by revealing what terrors they had experienced to show the twerp that Sasuke did not in fact know exactly what 'hell' was.
"I'm pretty sure I know what Hell is." Kakashi told the teenager in a serious tone."
"You haven't experienced Hell unless you've been in MY mind, saw one of my nightmares, felt my reality. THAT'S 'Hell'." Sasuke whispered the end; partial challenge for defiance, but mostly a claim of a fact.
All of a sudden, a horrifying scream filled the entire floor, cutting Kakashi off from any chance to refute Sasuke's claim and making the occupants of the room jump.
It was a terror filled scream that Kakashi knew all too well; it was the scream of his favorite patient, Naruto Uzumaki.
Sasuke was looking around the room, bewildered and suspicious because Naruto's voice still penetrated and reverberated around the walls in a continuous yell.
Kakashi tossed his book towards the direction of the table, whether it landed on it or not, Kakashi had no idea.
"Session over. You can go home now." Kakashi hurriedly called to Sasuke as he rushed out of the room.
Kakashi didn't bother to check to see if Sasuke followed his instructions or not, and honestly he didn't care. All he cared about was getting to Naruto at this point. He recognized these screams; Naruto had just relived something from his traumatic past in his dreams and woke up screaming.
The poor boy might have woken up, but he would be in no way conscious of his surroundings if the shouting was any indication. Kakashi had to get to Naruto's room quickly because he was one of the only people able to bring Naruto back to reality.
Kakashi didn't run, but only because he learned from experience how slippery the pristine hospital floors could be against people in a rush; so he power-walked.
When he turned to the hallway containing Naruto's permanent room, he saw his favorite patient's best friend and fellow patient—Gaara—waiting for him at the end of the hallway, telling other doctors and nurses to wait for Kakashi; or more like threatening them rather than telling them.
Once the other staff members saw Kakashi, relieved expressions swam across their faces as most took heed of Gaara's warning and left things to Kakashi; it was a commonly known fact that only Kakashi and sometimes Gaara were able to calm Naruto down after a nightmare.
"What happened?" Kakashi asked as the two made their way to the screaming boy's room.
"Nightmare again. He thinks he's being taken there again." Gaara curtly replied. The red haired youth rarely spoke to others, but trusted Kakashi enough to speak about his best friend's condition and know good results would usually follow.
Kakashi nodded his understanding as he made way into the room.
The sight inside nearly broke the psychiatrist's heart.
There was Naruto Uzumaki, a usually bright, blue-eyed blonde whose focus in life was to bring a smile to other's faces and the current favorite patient of the floor, beloved by doctors, nurses, and fellow patients alike, clutching his head, fisting his hair, squeezing his eyes shut with a constant stream of tears leaking out, and screaming a wordless howl of pure terror, stretching the six whisker-like scars that were cut into his tan cheeks.
The screams alone sent chills down the hardened professional's spine for it gave a small window of what horrors the boy shouting must have experienced and felt.
Kakashi walked forward, making sure to step loudly and create noise along the way so he would not completely catch the traumatized boy off-guard.
Naruto did not seem to notice that there was another person in his room. He was still screaming as loudly as he continued to desperately clutch at his hair, occasionally succeeding in pulling blonde strands from it.
Kakashi tried to discover what the boy had dreamt from his reaction. Did he relive his trauma? Was it a suppressed memory? Was it a simple nightmare? All of these would result in the blonde boy waking up screaming so there was little way to tell. The only person who came close to knowing was Gaara.
Kakashi sent Gaara a look, silently asking what kind of nightmare the red head's best friend was waking up from.
Gaara spared Kakashi a glance before returning his attention to his best friend.
"He dreamt that he was being taken back there again." Gaara murmured. His voice sounded apathetic, but those who knew the boy knew that his speaking at all meant he deeply cared.
Kakashi nodded his understanding. Naruto had a nightmare, not reliving any memories; this would be comparatively easier to deal with than any suppressed memory he could have of his trauma.
Kakashi knew what he had to do, and knew that Gaara knew his part of the routine. Kakashi walked deliberately in front of Naruto's bed, sitting in front of the screaming boy. Gaara walked quietly over to the side of the bed.
The psychiatrist didn't bother to give his other patient some form of signal; the two had calmed Naruto down together enough to have the entire routine memorized.
Kakashi reached forwards and grabbed Naruto's hands, forming a firm claw around the smaller fists. He pulled Naruto's hands down—away from the blonde's head—and held them in front of him.
Gaara watched the process while standing next to the bed.
Once his hands were held, Naruto's screams morphed from lingering fear to a frenzied panic. Kakashi knew that the boy was in his own tortured world and believed that Kakashi was one of 'the bad guys' who were taking him back to 'there'.
Naruto had had this nightmare many times before. Though, no matter how many times Kakashi pressed for details, all Naruto would describe was a vague rundown of events.
First, Naruto would be stolen from the hospital; 'they' had sent 'the bad guys' to get him. Then, the bed guys would constrain him so Naruto couldn't move; sometimes they would beat him in order to tie him down. After that, the bad guys would take him to them back there. Naruto never talked further than that due to the fear it caused him.
Kakashi knew that they were the source of the boy's trauma and the nightmares were a result of fear of being taken back into their clutches.
It had taken Kakashi months in order to get that much out of his favorite patient, and even longer to figure out a successful way to calm Naruto down after one of these nightmares that would not cause any more breakdowns.
Naruto thrashed around, desperately attempting to free his hands from Kakashi's grip. Slowly, the screams quieted into desperate sobs.
Once the screaming had subsided, Kakashi began chanting, "It's okay, Naruto. You're safe. It's okay. You're safe now. It's okay…"
After a few minutes, Naruto seemed to regain awareness of his surroundings. Tears still seeped from his eyes, but he was making a conscious effort to stop crying. His arms went limp, but Kakashi still held onto them, but readjusted his hands so that he was gently cradling the younger boy's hands.
Naruto removed his hands from Kakashi's and began to wipe away his tears. Once he was done with that, he looked around the room.
"Ka-Kakashi?" he asked in a feeble, hoarse voice. His throat was sore from all of the screaming and his head hurt.
"Kakashi smiled gently at his patient, "I'm here, Naruto."
Gaara chose then to sit next to his best friend and placed a comforting arm over the blonde's shoulders.
Naruto jumped when he felt something touch him, but relaxed when he turned to see that it was his best friend.
"Gaara." He whispered, confirming that it really was the red head to himself. Gaara nodded his head—a silent gesture to show it was him—and pulled the blonde closer and held him in a comforting embrace.
Naruto wearily leaned into the hug, and began to struggle to hold back tears he refused to let fall.
Noticing this, Kakashi gently asked, "What's wrong, Naruto?" in a soft voice, already knowing the answer.
"I thought I was being taken back there." Naruto whispered in return.
Kakashi reached forward and placed a large hand on a small knee underneath faded orange blankets. He smiled gently from behind his mask and said in a quiet, reassuring tone, "You're not going back there. They can't hurt you anymore. You're safe now."
"Safe?" Naruto whispered, desperate for it to be true. He looked up at Gaara for confirmation.
Gaara's pale green eyes met Naruto's bright blue eyes and held the gaze as he slowly nodded his head.
"You're safe." Gaara whispered back. He pulled Naruto closer and leaned the blonde's head on his shoulder and said in a louder, monotone voice, "I won't let anything hurt you ever again."
Kakashi saw Naruto give a soft smile as the words set in, then saw Naruto's eyes brighten with a certain sense of mischief as he retorted, "Except for when they give me shots. You mysteriously disappear when they do that."
Kakashi laughed, he and Naruto knew that Gaara's strange secret. Gaara hated needles, but only when other people are involved. The red head had no problems with needles himself; he even got a tattoo of the kanji 'Love' on his forehead and didn't shrink away from the significantly more intimidating needle than the regular hospital issued ones. But Gaara couldn't stand seeing a needle disappear into someone else's skin. The one time he had stayed by Naruto's side when he was administered a shot, Gaara nearly feinted.
Gaara scowled a little in response to Naruto's teasing and Kakashi's laughter. But underneath the scowl, Kakashi could see the relief and happiness in response to Naruto having finally calmed down and acting more like his natural self.
Naruto let loose a yawn, not even bothering to hide it behind is hand as the scars on his cheeks stretched in the yawn.
Kakashi felt pity for his patient; Naruto hadn't had a full night's sleep because of his nightmares and now even his nap was disturbed by them. Usually, the boy would only have one night of sleep disrupted by nightmares a week, but every so often the pattern would break and Naruto would suffer through more nightmares than normal. The pattern would normally break after a particularly stressful therapy session like Naruto's last session when the boy would reveal more about his trauma. Like how last session he revealed that they would wear cloaks with red clouds decorated on them.
Kakashi gave a warm smile behind his mask and got up from the bed. He walked over to the cabinet underneath the small, old television that had been donated to the boy's permanent residence. Kakashi opened the cabinet to reveal a small pile of DVDs that had been donated to the boy. Kakashi turned back and asked cheerfully, "Which movie?"
Naruto's eyes lit up. Watching movies were a treat for him.
"THE LION KING!" Naruto exclaimed loudly, causing Gaara next to him to cringe at the abuse to his ears.
Naruto smiled sheepishly, looking up at his best friend, silently asking for forgiveness.
Gaara gave a small sigh and nodded his head, showing that he forgave the blonde.
Naruto responded with a dazzling smile—though it was a little less bright than usual due to his exhaustion.
Kakashi smiled behind his mask as he observed the two's interaction. While Naruto was a naturally sociable person, he only truly relaxed when he was with Gaara. And Gaara would only allow himself to show some form of emotion—small as they may be—when he was alone with Naruto. Both trusted Kakashi enough to allow him to see them like this, but never when they were alone with him. They would show lesser forms of this trust and acceptance when they were alone with the psychiatrist, but reserved themselves for the only ones they truly trusted; each other.
Kakashi popped the DVD into the old DVD player attached to the older TV and made his way back to the door. On his way, his smile grew as he saw the two best friends adjust their position so they were both comfortably lying on the bed; Gaara allowing Naruto to lean on him because he and Kakashi knew that despite his best efforts, Naruto would fall asleep during the movie.
When Kakashi closed the door behind him, he saw Sasuke Uchiha standing near the door, putting his phone in his chained pocket as he heard the door open and close.
The eye not hidden by an eye patch met Sasuke's eyes outlined by black eyeliner.
He gestured that Sasuke should leave as he made his way to his office to fill out some neglected paperwork.
"You say that I don't know hell," Kakashi began, speaking to the stubborn teenager who turned around to face him, "but believe me when I tell you that other people here do know exactly what hell is." Kakashi gestured towards the room he just came from; where off tune singing of 'The Circle of Life' could be heard by one of its occupants.
Without waiting for an answer, Kakashi continued moving to his office. He knew that the younger Uchiha would ask about what he had heard, but he also knew that he himself would say nothing.
Once he made it to his office, he shut his door. The psychiatrists working at the hospital would normally keep their doors open when they weren't too busy because one or another would sometimes as for help and so that the patients could visit them if they felt like they needed to. It was an unspoken rule that they would only close their doors if they were with a patient, client, or needed the time to think.
And Kakashi really needed to think.
He had started to form an idea; one that could be beneficial for more than just one person. He knew that Sasuke would have questions. Normally, he would ignore them because of doctor-patient confidentiality. And he would abide by that rule, but give Sasuke the chance to ask Naruto himself.
Because of his trauma, Naruto had a paranoid fear about strangers. During the year, Naruto had become acquainted with the staff and permanent patients of Hokage Mental Hospital and became his usual sociable self with them. He even got along with a few visiting patients, but only after they had been admitted for a temporary amount of time and had been there for more than two weeks.
Kakashi had wanted to move forwards with exposure therapy and was wondering about who he could bring to introduce to Naruto.
Kakashi hoped that introducing the two teenagers to one another would be beneficial for the both of them.
For Naruto, Kakashi hoped that meeting Sasuke would help treat his fear of meeting strangers by allowing him to meet someone new in a controlled environment so that Naruto could see that there is nothing to fear and that strangers will not take him back to them.
For Sasuke, Kakashi hoped that meeting Naruto would help show the angsty teenager that he did not have the worst problems in the world and that he shouldn't be so focused on his own pain. In simple terms, Naruto would be Sasuke's wake up call.
Kakashi gave a wry smile behind his mask. He may have his hopes, but reality could prove to be a bitter enemy. He was more worried about Naruto than about Sasuke, for obvious reasons.
The psychiatrist heaved a heavy sigh. He'd talk to Naruto about his idea later. If Naruto allowed the next stage in his treatment, then he'd let Sasuke meet the blonde boy. He just hoped that it would be as beneficial as he thought it would be.
And that was chapter 1.
Originally, this was going to be a one-shot, but then I started writing it and adding to it and the story ended up growing so much that the finished thing would be like, 50 pages. So it's going to be a multi-chapter fanfiction.
I dunno how long it'll actually be; I add details along the way.
Please review lol they makes me smile a lot and are my inner muse's nectar of life. My own being caffeine, but even with that she demands reviews for plot bunnies and words to flow.