Hey, so I haven't written anything for a reaallyyy long time. Started writing this one in about 2017/2018 and I'm feeling creative so I'm putting it out there. Also if you're here for Zammie stuff y'all are probably in the wrong place. Macey and Preston have always been my faves, hence why I write so much about them.

Anyway, trying to keep this short so I hope you enjoy it (or don't, idk, I don't wanna tell you how to live your lives)

DISCLAIMER: Ally Carter owns the series and the characters, I merely own this crazy ass plot.

The raindrops raced down the window on yet another rainy Sunday afternoon. Macey looked out across Seattle; she could see so much from that couch in her apartment and yet she felt like she was trapped. The walls that surrounded her were a prison where she sat and pondered on all the mistakes she'd made. Days like this really got to her. Days where the rain is so heavy that it smacks against the windowpanes as the wind blows it out of the sky. Days like this made her think of everything she'd lost. Her mother and father had left the country, and were living halfway across the world. Their relationship had gotten slightly better as Macey got older, but deep down she knew that she'd always feel slightly resentful towards them. That didn't matter right now though, she'd rather have them here than have no one.

After graduation, the girls went their own separate ways. They vowed to keep in touch and meet up every month or so, as most high school friends do. And as most high school friends do, they kept this up for a while until their new lives got in the way. It was a gradual loss rather than a sudden one. Macey thought that it would've been easier to lose all three of them at once but truthfully it would've hurt just as bad. Liz was the first to go. She left for MIT halfway through their final summer. For a couple of months or so they'd call each other every week but then the calls became texts. The weekly chats became monthly until they became altogether non-existent. Macey would sometimes message her to check in, but the bond that they'd shared had evidently disintegrated and their conversations weren't the same.

Bex was the next one to become distant. Choosing Oxford over Cambridge, Bex flew back to England two weeks after Liz left. She facetimed the girls a little to start with but she became overwhelmingly busy in a matter of weeks. Macey and Cammie flew over to see her as a surprise for that first Christmas but Bex was off skiing with her new friends. Macey and Cammie left the next day, and Macey didn't contact Bex after that. Even Cammie only heard from her occasionally. Macey did bump into Bex at a charity event in London, but it was only a quick "hello" and then she disappeared into a sea of socialites. Macey hadn't seen her since.

Cammie was the last to go. It was sudden, but not unexpected. Macey was busy, work was hell and trying to balance her relationship, her career and her dwindling social life became a challenge that she struggled to overcome. Cammie felt neglected, accusing Macey of pushing her away, and to some extent she was right. There were other forces at play, things that Macey wouldn't talk about. Their friendship disintegrated right in front of their eyes and by the time they realised it, it was too late to fix. The cracks had become canyons and they had outgrown each other. It turned nasty, both girls blaming each other for the issues that they really could have foreseen. Some days, Macey would catch herself thinking that maybe they'd talk again once they were older and they'd grown as people. Other days, she thought that maybe they were better off apart. Regardless, she missed her.

Losing her three best friends wasn't something she had ever prepared for but Macey knew was it was like to be alone. She was good at being alone, she'd had a lot of practice. Sure, she had friends at work and friends from her days at Columbia but it didn't stop her from missing the first people who'd made her feel like she really mattered.

The only other constant in her life after the girls had left was Preston. They weren't together. They figured they'd just try being friends. They'd realised how lonely the world was, and they both needed someone they could count on. But every time they were alone together in a room, they reminded themselves exactly why they couldn't just be friends. This carried on all the way through college. With Macey at Columbia and Preston at Princeton they would visit each other on the weekends. They'd spend the whole weekend in bed, going out for the occasional walk to grab coffee or brunch, and then they'd go back to their lives until the next weekend. They were clear that it wasn't serious. There was no commitment, no exclusivity and absolutely no strings. Then it became complicated. Both Preston and Macey were dating other people, some lasted 2 dates but some lasted longer. Their weekend meetings became less often. Instead of spending whole weekends in bed, they'd meet for a drink in the middle of the week and end up in a hotel room for an hour or two. Instead of 48 uninterrupted hours they found themselves sneaking around like teenagers while they broke other people's hearts to keep themselves together. It was in their final year of college that this came to an end, courtesy of Preston.

They were lying in bed in a hotel in Brooklyn. Preston had driven from Princeton on a Thursday afternoon to meet Macey for a drink. As always, they had ended up at a hotel. They were lying side by side in the darkness, looking out of the window at the lights of the city.

Preston sat up on his side, resting his head in his palm and looking at Macey. She sensed him staring at her and rolled over, both of them covered only by a thin sheet.

"What is it?" She asked softly, looking up at him trying to make sense of the vague expression on his face.

"Nothing, I'm just.."
"No you're looking at me like you want to say something."

"It's nothing!" He protested, laughing it off. "What time is it?"

Macey rolled her eyes and checked her phone "Nine o'clock. Now tell me what you were gonna say."

"I can stay until the morning if you want." He smiled at her.

"Won't Madeline wonder where you are?" She asked, noticing him becoming tense at the mention of his girlfriend's name.

"She's visiting her parents in Atlanta for like a week"

"Does she know you're here?"

"Of course she doesn't. It's not like you tell James where you're going, is it?"

"You were going to say something, stop changing the subject."

"I told you, it's nothing!" He insisted, the expression on his face becoming more serious by the second. "Now did you want me to stay?"

"I won't complain if you do" She smiled at him and he leaned in to kiss her. They kissed slowly for a minute, until they were interrupted by the sound of Macey's phone ringing.

"Ignore it." Preston whispered, continuing to kiss her.

"It could be important." She sighed, pulling away slightly and reaching round to grab her phone off of the bedside table.

She picked it up and looked at the screen as Preston kissed her neck from behind.

"It's James." She sighed and Preston immediately moved away from her. "I should answer it."

"Well go on then."

She sighed, answering the phone as Preston walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

"Hey!" Macey answered chirpily

"Hey babe, listen I know you're busy with your essays and shit but can you spare an hour or so tomorrow between classes?"

"Depends what time, what's it for?"

"My folks are in town, they want to have lunch. I figured you should meet them now we've been together for like 5 months."

Macey closed her eyes, feeling a pang of guilt in her stomach "Sounds great, I'm free at lunch actually so that's perfect."

"Awesome"

"Listen, I'm super busy right now so I gotta go but I'll call you tomorrow alright?" she lied, desperate to end the call.

"Alright babe, love you."

"Love you too, talk later."

She ended the call, putting her phone on silent and shoving it in a drawer. A minute or so later, Preston emerged from the bathroom.

"Why do you always hide in the bathroom? It's not like he can see you" She laughed a little as he sat back down on the bed.

"Do you actually love him, Mace?" Preston asked abruptly.

"Preston it doesn't matter."

"You feel the guilt, right?"

"Of course I do. All the time"

"We're really hurting people here Macey. You're telling him you love him while you're lying in bed with me."

"Preston we've been doing this for years."

"We should stop."

Macey sat in the silence that followed his sentence. She reached down to the floor and picked up Preston's t shirt, pulling it over her head.

"That wasn't what you were saying before he called. You said about staying the night and.."
"This isn't just today, Macey. We've nearly been caught too many times. My shirts that smell like your perfume, your earrings in my car, the late night phone calls when we think they're asleep, I can't keep doing this. People are going to get hurt."

"So we leave them then?"

"Macey, listen. I don't want to be alone forever. I need more than just late nights in a hotel room or in my car. I want some kind of commitment, and I get that you can't do that but it's what I want."

"We've fucked it up every time we've tried. That's why this works, Preston."

"This doesn't work, Mace."

"What so you're just gonna go back to Princeton and tell Madeline that you've been sleeping with me since before you got together a year ago? Why not just break up with her?"

"I love her Macey. And not the way you say you love James. I really do love her, and I've been an awful boyfriend to her and she doesn't even know it. The longer this goes on the worse this is going to be for her when she finds out."
"We can just be more careful or.."
"Macey, don't make this more difficult than it needs to be. We knew this couldn't go on forever. It had to end some time and I think we should end it now."

Macey didn't say another word. She took off the t shirt and got herself dressed.

"Mace you don't have to leave yet"

She continued to stay silent as she slipped on her shoes and grabbed her phone and handbag.

"Macey.."

"Seriously Preston what do you expect me to do? You want this to be done? It's done. I'm not gonna stay and sleep with you again for old times sake or because I feel sad about it. If we're done, we're done. But that's it. And I can't be friends with you, you know we can't do it. I won't be able to sit across from you and your girlfriend at a table and make conversation. I won't be able to come to the wedding and make a speech about what a great best friend you are. I can't watch you be happy without thinking about everything we've had together. I wish I could give you what you want and I'm glad that someone else can. But I cannot be around to watch it."

"Macey please.."

"You called it. You said it was over. I'm done." She looked him in the eye before turning on her heels and walking out the door.

That was the last time she'd seen him.

She had poured all her energy into college, graduating later that year. As soon as she had graduated, she made the decision to move across the country to Seattle. She knew that Preston had moved to New York after graduation, thanks to some light social media investigation. She liked to check up on him every now and then, especially on days like today. Watching the rain roll down the window always reminded her of the weekends they would spend together either in New York or New Jersey. They would lie there, limbs entangled with messy hair and sleepy eyes, listening to the sounds of the rain falling. Both of them would chat about what was going on at college or they'd reminisce about the sneaking around back in the days of their parent's campaign. The more she thought about it, the more she wished she could pick up the phone and talk to him. It had been just over a year since she last saw his face and that day, she just couldn't get him out of her mind.

She sat in the same spot on her couch all day, clutching a mug of coffee which she'd made before the rain had started. Putting the mug to her lips, she took a sip of the cold coffee with her eyes still fixated on the raindrops. The loneliness was catching up with her. Seattle was a long way away from the life she had lived before. Her mind went back to her school days in Virginia, and then to New York. She longed for just one short conversation with her friends, for just five minutes where they could all pretend that they hadn't grown up and moved on. But she knew in her heart that she should be taking steps forward rather than looking back.

With that in mind, she picked up her phone from the table and dialled the number of someone she thought she'd never get to speak to again.