There Is (No) Hope

by BardInTheForest

Shinji Ikari was not a young man that lived an easy life. Each good that the universe teased him with was typically met with a greater evil. Now the only pilot capable of fielding an Evangelion against a series of reborn Angels, he will have to adapt to new allies and new foes. The world has changed, and there is no running away from it anymore.

57. Chapter 57

+++++ Okinawa. (Thursday + 61)

Haruka couldn't lie to herself and say that she was completely upset Shinji had left. Making love to her best friend in the entire universe, without anyone around to judge them for how they went about it, provided both a sense of comfort and relief that she'd been lacking for far too long. After showering again in the afterglow of their passions, lingeringly touching one another to give and receive the love that would see them through the dark times ahead, she was reinvigorated enough to feel like she could tackle the challenge that was Shinji Ikari. "She pissed me off to no end this time around, but I really should thank Setsuna for giving me back my memories of Shinji."

"It does give one a sense of appreciation for how we 'met' him this time around, doesn't it?" Michiru worked quietly in the kitchenette, sorting and organizing what they'd scrounged up for breakfast. "Just showing up in our lives, playing music to soothe his nerves."

"Fending off our neighbor despite there being nothing wrong with him accepting her affection?"

She rolled her eyes. "At least Hotaru didn't find him somehow. That young lady and I are going to have a long conversation about appropriate manners."

"It's always the quiet ones." Haruka stepped outside to the balcony, leaning on the railing and scanning the local area. "He's stopped dropping garbage into the parking lot."

"I haven't felt any sudden flares of energy, dear. He's probably just sitting down somewhere trying to get his head straight. You know as well as I do that he's never done well without some time to himself."

Muttering to herself, quiet enough that the wind would cover over her words, she growled, "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

+++++ Okinawa. (Thursday + 61)

Shinji wasn't fully convinced that he ought to, but he also couldn't argue against the validity of Naru's point that it was her decision to make regarding her own treatment. "Liquid presence of the mind, proper balance you now find." The central conceit of the phrasing they'd crafted took into consideration that Shinji would actively desire that Naru's mind enter a state that the young woman most actively desired. They both agreed that 'normal' wasn't a thing that really existed, but that with appropriate balance any internal problems could be overcome with time and patience.

After several seconds passed, Naru wobbled and would have fallen over if Shinji hadn't caught her, easing her to the sand. "O-oh…thanks…wow." She blinked a few times, her head slowly rotating to look around at the world. "That's…trippy."

Choking back several choice oaths, he instead asked, "Do we need to try returning you to the way you were?"

"…No. No, I'm fine." She gave him a relieved smile, fresh tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. "I could feel the anger draining away. The voice dying." Lunging up at him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and cried out in joy. "You don't hate me!"

While implying nothing beyond the statement, Shinji responded, "No, I don't."

Her laughter was wet. "I hate myself so much! How many people died because I didn't know how to apologize?" She clutched him closer. "I've wanted to ask myself why I couldn't just say I'm sorry for so fucking long…." A deep breath was followed by a shuddering exhale. "Ikari-sensei…please tell me that you aren't going to leave me alone."

"…I can't guarantee your safety."

"Nobody can. I just don't want to die alone."

If nothing else, he could respect that. "As long as I can help it, you won't."

She dropped back down to the ground, bouncing and taking both of his hands with a mixture of sorrow and joy. "I was such a fucking cunt. I can't make it up to them. I can't make it right." She took another deep breath, and straightened her spine. "But I can do right by you. I can help you the way they would have. I can make my life matter."

His head tilted slightly to the side. "Even though you can't fix the past…you can make the future better."

"Exactly." A tiny light of hope grew in her eyes. "That's what you're trying to do, right?"

"Yes." Hearing the way she'd phrased her assertion had caused a similar mental process to start in his own mind. "I'm going to be building a world for…some refugees. There aren't that many humans left, right now. About six thousand years from now, they'll arrive and they'll need a place to live. I'm going to make sure they have one."

"We're going to," she corrected with a firm nod. "I can't believe how…calm my mind is. I can't ever thank you enough, Ikari-sensei."

"…Shinji." He looked away to the ocean, to the tides and the winds. "There are some things about me you don't know, and before you help me…I think you should know them." Politely freeing one hand, he gestured back the way he'd come. "If you don't mind walking with me, I'll talk as we go."

Her grip tightened on the hand she still held. "Can…I have another apple?"

This was worth fighting for. "Of course."

+++++ Okinawa. (Thursday + 61)

Michiru, unlike her ladylove, was not terribly surprised when Shinji showed up with a seeming impossibility. She wasn't even really concerned. The story Naru gave them checked out with what she knew, Shinji's admission that he'd surreptitiously asked certain questions that he figured only the true Naru would know the answers to helped as well. What she was focused on more than Shinji potentially endangering himself was the fact that he no longer screamed of a man preparing to drown. The suffering, the burdens, the pain were all still there…but he was shouldering them once more without buckling under them.

Shinji was carefully serving Naru another helping of breakfast, having prevented her from serving herself by telling her that she was more likely to listen to her hunger than her brain. He'd eaten enough for a man half his physical size, and no more. His attention was also only half on the conversation between Naru and Haruka. He would look over to Michiru from time to time, clearly aware that he was being judged. Each time he looked at her, he'd nod slowly. He knew she'd understand what he was doing, and would likely explain it to him better than he could explain it to himself later.

"Haru-chan," Michiru finally interrupted the interrogation, "I don't think we're going to be changing his mind on this issue. So long as Narusegawa-san doesn't have some form of relapse, I would not support her being ostracized either."

"I don't want to ostracize her, I want to make sure she's who she says she is." Haruka rapped her knuckle against the table. "There are too many people out there that could be pretending to be one of any number of people. What are the chances that she just happens to be in the one place that we came to?"

"Around sixteen billion four hundred thirty-six million eight hundred forty-five thousand three hundred twenty-one to one," Shinji replied, refilling Naru's glass with more orange juice. "Give or take."

Naru frowned, thinking about the number he'd just rattled off. "How do you figure?"

"Distance, population density, and time." He sat back in his chair, and looked to Haruka with a mostly blank expression. "The part of me that is Chaos will create random events like this from nothing, Haru-chan. The part of me that is Death still needs to learn how to control itself." With two fingers, he indicated Naru. "The human part of me isn't going to abandon someone in need. If Tungsram, or Carla as she preferred, had just shown up without pretending to be someone she wasn't, I would have offered her shelter too. Tell me that she's in any way nearly as capable of hurting someone as a youma."

"Oh…so you used the ratios between those factors between here and Tokyo?"

"No, I used the probabilities and my knowledge of the potential outcomes." Reaching over to the nearby desk, he picked up a pad of paper and pen, writing out the math he'd used while speaking to the others. "She's human. I figured out Ireul's trick, and I doubt what I did would have worked on anyone but a human. Naru is going to be given the same chance as Ireul. The same chance I have given everyone else. The same chance I never got. It isn't up for debate." Putting down the solution he'd arrived at, he slid the paper over to Naru who began analyzing it eagerly. "The universe has far too many chances to take things from us. Let's not reject those times it doesn't."

Shifting the topic to something else, now that she felt it was thoroughly settled, Michiru brought up what she'd wanted to earlier. "How are you feeling, after your jog?"

He hesitated to answer with the reflexive deflection, putting actual thought into the question itself. "Worse. Better."

Haruka leaned against the table "Care to elaborate?"

"I'm not meant to defend anyone. I realized that while I was out jogging. I'm not meant to keep people from dying, or keep them from suffering. My job is to eliminate those that are causing the problem, not protect the people they harm." His lips shifted off to the side. "That hurts. I was always told that the reason I was in the Eva was to defend people. You Sailors are always there to protect people. Everyone I admire, everyone I aspired to be like, they defended people."

"You do defend people, dear," Michiru chided him lightly.

"I do that by killing what's threatening them. That's different. I can't afford to be passive, not if I want to succeed. I'm not a shield, I'm an axe. I don't block, I don't protect, I don't deflect…I kill. I don't want to be that, but that's what I am. I'm not suited to be that, but it's still what I am." He waved the topic away. "I feel better though, because now I know what I should be doing. I need to attack my problems. Develop solutions and implement them, not plan for the future and hope. Like helping Naru, or building that house. I do my best work when I act, instead of react. If nothing else, at least I won't keep piling regrets up."

Naru found her glass empty again, attempting to drink from it and finding nothing in it. Blinking in confusion, she set it down and looked to Shinji. "You did this in your head?"

"People often tell me that it's full of empty air, so I guess there's more room for the numbers there."

She frowned in displeasure. "Whoever is telling you that is an idiot. You're sitting there explaining your plans to your two friends, feeding me, calculating out the probability that we'd meet here after I left that shrine, and tapping your feet in time with a song of some sort. You don't get to be a teacher at Toudai by being a moron, and you don't befriend someone like Doctor Akagi by being scatterbrained." She looked to the other two women in the room. "Who's telling him he's stupid?"

"Nobody still living, Narusegawa-san." Michiru stood, picking up some of the dishes to clean them. "Would you mind helping me at the sink? Shinji-kun and Haru-chan are going to go look for more supplies."

"Sure!" Standing up eagerly, Naru scooped up as many dishes as could be safely carried. "Anything I can do to help."

Shinji was slower in gaining his feet, looking at Haruka with a neutral posture. "We'll search the hotel, but I intend to be back at the house with whatever we find before long. We have to figure out who owns this last Crystal, finish the city, and then plan an attack on Reality."

The natural incongruity in the sentence caused Haruka to blink in confusion. "What?"

"What good is it going to do us to set up a city for people that won't arrive for six thousand years, if in the next two decades the planet is erased?" Moving towards the door, he left it up to Haruka to follow or not. "The Wanderer needs help, and I need targets." He wasn't surprised when she caught up, walking at his side down the hallway. "We'll go to the Lunar Command Center, and borrow it to travel around the universe. We find targets, we strike targets, we move on. No point in holding territory, since our duty is going to be eliminating malefactors."

She eyed him askance. "You want to go on a murder tour?"

"I want to put up a big fucking sign saying 'Death lives here, no uninvited callers', but the only people that would heed it are the kind of people that don't deserve to be told to fuck off," he retorted. "Daphne told me, before she was murdered, that she noticed men tended to do things to show people they loved them. That actions, instead of words, were far more common. If someone, or a group of someones, is out there threatening the people I love…I'm not going to waste words that they'll never listen to."

+++++ Azabu-Juban. (Thursday + 61)

Shinji had chosen to open the portal outside of the house, some distance down the street, in order to avoid potentially scaring anyone. He didn't feel Rei or Ireul deserved that, especially in what he'd honestly intended to be their home. After manipulating everything through the portal, including some mementos for Rei's collection, he set it all to floating in the air and pulled it behind the group as they walked up to the house. "Naru, when we arrive I'm likely going to be the recipient of some anger. I scared them, they have a right to be-"

"Shit!" Haruka's sudden outburst startled everyone. "I forgot to give you the letters they wrote. I hadn't expected you to want to come back here so soon."

He closed his eyes, taking a calming breath to wash the anger back away. "Haru-chan…I love you."

"Shinji?" Ireul's voice carried down the street, the Angel approaching from the direction of the house.

"Well…at least there aren't any neighbors to hear this," he sighed.

The Angel arrived with an impactful hug, squeezing him tight. "What could have possibly possessed you to go to Triton of all places?!"

Returning the embrace, as he had for Naru, Shinji worked to retain his calm. "Panic. Anger. Self-loathing. Nothing really smart, all told."

"I'd ask you to not do it again…but I doubt you'd listen." Sliding back to the ground, she bowed politely to Haruka. "Miss Tenou. Thank you for returning him here."

"He made the choice himself, lady. I can't get him to put on better footwear, let alone convince him to go anywhere." Haruka gestured to Michiru. "This is the love of my life, Michiru Kaiou. Michi-chan, this is Ireul."

Michiru inclined her head politely. "A pleasure."

"The pleasure is mine, I assure you." Ireul made certain her bow was appropriately deep for the woman she knew had the highest chance of properly holding Shinji's leash.

"Our new resident here is Naru Narusegawa," Shinji introduced the last woman present. "Same rules apply to her as apply to Rei." He swallowed back another surge of anger. "I don't blame you for Mizore. That wasn't anyone's fault."

Ireul shared polite nods with Naru, but her attention was fixed on Shinji's rapidly shifting mood. "I still wish I could have done more to prevent it. I hope that you include yourself in the sentiment?"

"I don't, but I can't change what's happened so beating myself up over it isn't going to do me any good." He looked to the house. "I just have to hope that I can make what remains better. That I can do what they would have wanted done." His eyes returned to Ireul. "Right?"

She knew he was speaking in two different layers, and that one of those layers was directed squarely at her. "That's the goal, isn't it."

"Let's get inside. I have to give Rei a chance to tell me I'm an idiot." Stepping around Ireul, he brought everything floating behind him which forced everyone else to either move with him or be bombarded by luggage. Enforcing silence by simply moving at a pace that prevented conversation, he made every effort to get things over with faster. He knew he'd failed, he knew they knew he failed, and the fact that Ireul wasn't chewing his head off only exacerbated his already throbbing temper.

The group made it as far as the walkway leading to the house before Rei burst through the door and launched herself at Shinji. Wrapping her arms around his neck she clung to him and whispered, "I'm sorry," repeatedly. Her arms trembled, not from the strain of holding her position, but due to the anxiety, stress, and fear she was struggling with.

All of the extra physical baggage Shinji had brought back from Okinawa dropped to the ground, along with him as he fell to his knees. He couldn't understand what was going on. She was supposed to be angry with him. She was supposed to be blaming him. He was the reason everything went wrong, not her. Why was she apologizing to him? Why wasn't everyone angry with him?

"I realize I'm kind of the new kid in town," Naru began apologetically, "but I think Ikari-sensei…err, well, Shinji-sensei I mean, I think he doesn't understand why nobody's angry with him." Holding out her hands to ward off Haruka's glare, she turned to Ireul who was instead looking at her with a slightly raised eyebrow. "I-I mean, I spent years tormenting a great guy with my inability to control my own emotions. Poor Keitaro-kun spent those years thinking that everything that happened was his fault because nobody bothered to explain to him that the lot of us were just being…well, cunts. Sure, he made a few mistakes himself, but nothing that justified the abuse we threw at him. I just…I don't know, I see a lot of what I saw back at the Hinata from Keitaro-kun in Shinji-sensei."

"But it is my fault, Naru." Grinding the words out through clenched teeth, he shoved back against the wall of rage that was threatening him. "This world needed someone who was capable of defending it, not someone who could only kill for it. It needed someone who…who could fucking say no!"

"That would not have stopped what happened," Ireul responded, moving into his line of sight. "All it would have changed is that I never would have attempted to repair the damage done. Instead of attempting to merge with the Sailors, my siblings would have murdered them. Without knowledge of our goals, or motivations, you would have continued splitting your forces. Our ability to reach them in their homes, unguarded and unshielded, would have allowed a far more rapid elimination of potential obstacles to our mission. Because of who you are, we now have a chance to save this universe. Overwhelming strength is a universal language, and one my siblings and I speak very well."

Rei sat back on her heels, kneeling down with Shinji on the ground and holding his face in her hands. "Just because some theoretical person might have managed to be omniscient enough to see everything happening before it happened doesn't mean that they would have had the desire or capacity to do anything with that knowledge. Who else could have been sent here, Shinji? Who from your world could have prevented all of this? Do you have anyone like that in mind?"

"He does not," Michiru cut off Shinji's retort, answering the question asked of him. "Asuka Langley Soryu is far too mercurial, and cares little for anything but her own glory. Rei Ayanami would have been worthless without orders from his father, or would have accelerated the Angels' victory. There are, and were, no other pilots of the Evangelions available. No Evangelion, no way to defeat the Angels, no chance at saving anything at all."

Naru moved next to Ireul, crouching down on the same level as Rei and smiling with self-deprecating pain. "I know what it's like to feel what you're feeling, sensei. The big difference between you and I is that my actions actively contributed to people dying. All I've seen you do is try to save people, no matter how worthless they are."

"She's right," Rei added, "on both counts. She knows now, apparently, that she was responsible. You yourself said that her decisions contributed to the problem! But even after running away because you thought you'd hurt me, you still brought her here. You still saved her life. You still made the choice to be a better person than most would have! Did we fail? Yes. Could we have not failed? Maybe. Would I trade you for anyone else from your world? Never."

Haruka sat down heavily next to him, throwing one arm around his shoulders and leaning against him. "People took advantage of who you are. People took advantage of what you could do. People, kid, are the big problem here, and people paid the price for the actions of a few who couldn't stop themselves from attempting to take advantage of a young man with the body and the powers of a divine being. Expecting you to not be you is stupid, and there is blame enough to go around for the failure to keep bad people away from you."

"The past is the past, Pet." An emaciated Maria vibrated into existence, leaning on a walking stick. "I apologize for lurking unseen, ladies…but when I saw him return to the manor just now I was worried that I might end up dying again if I interrupted him." Hobbling closer, she sat down on the other side of Rei from Naru. "We can't change the past…well, no. We shouldn't change the past. There's no telling what we'll foul up by doing so. I agree, this isn't the greatest possible present to be a part of, but it sure as anything beats a present that doesn't have you in it."

He could feel the Light pressing against him, feel it pushing him back into his own skin. Around him, now, were three of the four women that were destined to bear the Crystals they'd discovered, and they were unconsciously using the power they granted to…. Shinji blinked, realizing something important. "Each of the warnings weren't meant to be listened to with only one meaning. Khlorya was right, so was Hotaru, I can't have too many sources of Light around me because then it overwhelms…me. I can't choose who is and is not around me, because it's not my choice to make. I can't choose who stays and who goes, not and succeed. I have to let you choose to be here. Let you choose to be a part of my life. Let…let you shine just enough so that black and white can both exist without either overwhelming the other. Chaos has to balance out destiny…I have to have a destiny to balance out my chaos. Everything that happened…." His anger continued to begrudgingly go back into its cage. "…Nobody can control chaos. You can only contain it for a time, and then ride it out when it becomes overwhelming." His eyes turned to Maria. "You're late, you know."

"Had to stop for a manicure. Can't show up to a date with broken nails, it just makes it look like I don't care at all about you."

Setting one hand on Naru's shoulder, he looked over to her with a tight scowl. "My name is Shinji. I am not your sensei, I am not your leader, and I am not someone who enjoys it when people force me to be either of those things. If you can't use Shinji, for whatever reason, then come up with a nickname." One side of his mouth curled into a rueful smirk. "More than half of the ladies present have one for me, and I'm used to them." Squeezing twice, he let go and helped everyone stand tall. "I know this is sudden…but we need to leave. We need to get the city built up enough that they'll have what they need, and then we need to leave them to rebuilding the rest themselves."

"Where are we going?" Ireul was surprised that he'd abandon the home he'd just created.

"Wherever someone needs killing." He shrugged his shoulders. "Someone, out there," he waved his hand vaguely towards the sky, "is constantly screwing around with people's lives. Setting destinies, like mine. Interfering with free will. The Wanderer calls that someone 'Reality', and I don't have any real reason to believe it is one someone instead of a group of someones. All I know is, I'm a weapon…not a carpenter. I can't succeed without at least Rei, Michiru, and Haruka…and to be honest I'd rather have you, Maria, and Naru with me as well. I can't force anyone to come with me, but I'm not going to stay here and wait six thousand years for whoever is fucking with me to get bored."

"I'm going where you're going," Naru stated firmly. "I can't help anyone here, but I think you're always going to need someone to at least do some chores for you."

Michiru patted the woman's back gently. "You serve a much different purpose than that, one that we will discuss later."

"Do we really have to leave?" Rei still had a hold of Shinji, not eager to let him go again. "Couldn't we…just…."

"The longer we stay, the less likely we'll leave," Haruka sighed out in frustration. "Asshole here reminded me that he's well-educated, despite what he pretends otherwise, when he dropped this plan on me. He used the HMS Bounty as a cautionary tale against lingering somewhere comfortable. We're going to have the periods between fights, if we're lucky. We lose our edge, we'll lose our lives. We sit here growing comfortable and fat, we're not going to be in shape enough to take down the next clown that starts shit."

"Would you be amenable to a compromise?" Maria was watching him carefully, hoping that he was truly still Shinji.

Shinji eyed her warily. "Go ahead."

"We work on the city, but we don't rush working on the city. No twenty-four-hour days, weekends off, and we spend the time we're not working on the city learning how to fight as a unit, or eating, or sleeping, or whatever feels right. I'm sure you learned about unit cohesion back on your original world?"

The more she spoke, the less he frowned, until finally he nodded in agreement. "Ok. You make good points, and I can see the benefit from staying long enough to make sure we're not just charging blindly to our deaths." Taking a deep breath and straightening his spine, he shook his head. "However, I need to make one stop before we continue with our plan." He paused, working his jaw and hoping he was right. "Why don't we all go inside, get cleaned up, and make sure we're presentable."

+++++ Azabu-Juban. (Thursday + 61)

Standing under the hot, running, water of the shower was something that Shinji wasn't prone to doing. Typically he moved with alacrity to avoid irritating people by 'stealing' all of the warm water, or simply to avoid a beating for taking too long. With his head taking the brunt of the water pressure, and his hands braced against the wall, he let his mind bombard him with all of the miseries it wished to. The first fight against the Third Angel. Being lanced through the stomach by the Fourth Angel. Being boiled in his entry plug by the Fifth Angel. Being embarrassed by Touji and Kensuke aboard the Over the Rainbow. Standing in Asuka's plugsuit after the fight against the Sixth Angel. Each and every encounter, large and small, where something had twisted his emotions and made him feel worthless or incompetent dripping out of the depths of his brain for anyone to see.

And he let it all flow down the drain.

The past was just that. It lived there, and there alone. If he spent all of his time there, as he had been, then all he was doing was dragging the pain out. Letting it dominate his life. Letting it set his course. His fight wasn't there, anymore. His fight wasn't with Angels, or teenagers, or ruthless fathers. Carrying those into his battles against gods and esoteric concepts beyond the understanding of normal mortals would be invariably fatal for one of the few women he would allow to come with him without any arguments.

"After all…I can't die," he muttered darkly, "which just makes it worse if I let them be killed because I can't keep my head straight."

It may not be of any true assistance, Warrior of Dark…but I believe that you have done far better than any other could hope to, considering the circumstances. The voice he associated with the Crystals seemed to echo dimly in his mind, compared with the previous chorus. Our counterpart, the Void that is now a part of your form, does not wish to speak with you for the time being. It feels that doing so would prejudice you against your shared goals, and would rather you find your own footing before attempting a rapport.

Shinji turned the water off and wiped his face free of standing water with one hand. "Then I hope it is prepared to wait for a long time, because I have no idea when I'll really know what the hell I'm doing from one moment to the next."

On the timescale we are speaking of, I believe it won't be nearly as long as you believe it to be. A thin thread of pride and amusement trickled in.

Grabbing his towel and drying himself off, he threw out a longshot, "Any advice on the Crystal of Earth?"

Let her choose to accept the burden. We will guide her to where she should be to do so.

"So I don't need to do anything?"

It would be more correct to say that you cannot do anything. Do not overly concern yourself with my troubles, Warrior. After all, I have four brave souls to aid me in resolving them. Trust them, as I do.

He had to admit her statement made sense. "A friendly word of warning…if you hurt them without a good damn reason, nothing is going to stop me from coming after you."

I would have it no other way.

+++++ Azabu-Juban. (Thursday + 61)

Shinji knocked on the door of the room he'd given to Maria for the time being. The women of the household had retreated to the different bedrooms on the top floor of the house after taking showers or baths as they would, and while he was in a hurry to at least make the attempt at what he was planning, he didn't want to do so while seeing Maria in such a fragile state.

Her voice, weak from fatigue, managed to come through the door regardless, "Come in."

He opened the door and slipped in without taking a look at what state the former store proprietress was in, keeping his eyes low to avoid seeing anything he ought not, and moving quickly to keep anyone else from being embarrassed by the same. Once inside, with his back to the room, he asked something that he'd only spent a few minutes debating before deciding that the debate was meaningless with only him involved, "Can…I help?"

"Yes. But the question I'm more concerned with is 'Should you help the way you're thinking of?' The answer, I feel, is no." She snorted a laugh out. "Turn around, you goon. I'm wearing a robe. I look dreadful under this, and I'm not going to shame myself by exposing you to it."

Turning around, as requested, his eyes grew hard as he glared at her. "You, even now, remain one of the most beautiful women I know." He saw, despite her greatly reduced mass, a woman that had never once given up on him. A woman that had gone to great lengths not to abuse him. A woman that had watched him do stupid thing after stupid thing, and still came back to help him. With her skin clinging to her bones, her muscles atrophied, and her face sallow, he still in his heart believed that he was speaking the truth.

"That's sweet of you to say, Pet."

The thought that he might be being taken seriously irked him. Without further warning, he marched over, bent down, and pressed a kiss to her lips that utilized the experience he'd gained in the act with those other women who'd come before. Cradling her head with one hand, holding himself up off the bed she was seated upon with the other, he gave of himself as much as he believed possible. Words, he reminded himself, did not carry the same weight as actions.

As for the succubus he was kissing, she dug her fingers into the blankets and sheets she was sitting on to stop herself from either pushing him back or pulling him down onto the bed. She had meant what she'd said, though not for the reasons he'd assumed. If he gave her anything, with how weak she was, there was too great a risk that she'd push him too hard to give more. The kiss he was gifting to her delighted and tantalized her mind and body in ways that she'd not felt before. Too many had simply thought to take from her, diluting the lust she received in return. Beyond the power of him giving more from her than he was taking, was the strength that drove that power. She was drinking an ocean of raw might through a stirring straw, and she knew exactly where to find the firehose. When Shinji broke the kiss off, she had to struggle to retain her composure. "Well…I see you still have a problem listening to practical advice."

"Slow learner." His eyes scanned along her arms, and her face. "You…look a little healthier."

"And you nearly caused me to lose control of my desires. I am not telling you to avoid helping me because I enjoy this type of pain, dear. I'm telling you because I don't want to hit the seduction button with a freight train." Tapping him above the navel, she pushed him towards the door. "Go speak with Rei. Enjoy her touch, if you wish. I can feel your lusts from here, and I will be able to feed off of them without complaint." She read his hesitation and switched the poke to a light tug by gripping his shirt. "Wait…what happened?"

"…I screwed up. The same thing that typically happens."

"Not nearly enough to be this concerned," she protested. "Anyone with eyes could tell you that she's smitten with you. The way she ran out and latched onto you? The way she apologized for whatever had happened? These are not the actions of a woman that wants nothing to do with someone, I promise you."

"No…it's…." He sighed in frustration. "I…was being…. Mizore really wanted…. It shouldn't have happened the way it did. I shouldn't have panicked when Rei screamed. I shouldn't have thought she was screaming because of pain instead of…you know."

Maria nodded slowly, eager to hear about his problems. She had been told what had happened to Mizore, and she hurt both for Shinji and for herself that a stalwart companion had been tried and found wanting. "So you were engaging in intercourse?"

"No, no…I was just…you know, petting. Running my hands along their bodies. I didn't…I didn't think, you know…I mean, nobody ever talks about what makes women…go off. I assumed, like an idiot, that touching someone wouldn't be enough."

Standing up, she hugged him close. "You did not 'screw up'. You had a bad reaction to an unexpected stimulus in a situation that you were not ready to handle. Your first experience, with Usagi, did not prepare you for further adventures. She purposefully kept you 'numb', so that she could both give to and take from you. Rei, at least, would never be so crass."

He returned the hug, trying to let the words she used enter further than his ears. "Mizore died because I panicked."

"Mizore died because she couldn't control her nature." She looked up towards him with a deathly serious expression. "That there would be conflict between her and another that loved you was inevitable. Would it somehow have been better if she killed someone that the Crystal of Wind felt was not as suitable? That we only lost Mizore is a blessing, compared to the terror that might have been unleashed if the Crystal became corrupted by her actions. I take no joy in her death, Pet…but you know what must be done any one of us becomes too unstable to reason with."

That truth made it well past his ears. Visions of him kneeling before a woman covered in blood, of Rei lying near him, heartless. "…I guess I do, yeah."

"Talk to her. Tell her how special she is, and that you are sorry for hurting her feelings. I know, in my heart, that she'll deny you hurt her. That she feels far worse for what happened than you do." Patting his butt with both hands in a rapid tattoo, she grinned up at him. "Trust me. I know how women are better than you."

His first impulse was to leave, as requested. To take good advice, and continue the trend of leaving bad thoughts behind. Instead, he bent back down and gave her another, softer, kiss. This woman was special, in more than one way. It was time he let her know that he was sorry. "I wish we had been given more time to come to an understanding," he said, after several seconds. "Thank you, for not abandoning me."

Her heart was full. "Can't get rid of me that easy. I still owe you your last paycheck. Since I'm a little short on cash…maybe we can work out a reimbursement plan, later?"

"I'll hold you to that." Bowing ostentatiously as he backed away, he felt calm continue to grow in his own heart. "Until then."

+++++ Azabu-Juban. (Thursday + 61)

Rei was switching outfits every few heartbeats, using her Crystal like she had used her pen wand in an effort to find something that was in line with something Shinji would feel was 'presentable'. Long dresses, knee-high dresses, trendy dresses, fashionable dresses, cute dresses, business dresses, everything she could think of to try just seemed wrong to her. She knew a great deal about Shinji, both as a person and as an individual, but the gaping hole in her knowledge was becoming more and more evident by the second. The knock on her door came as a relief, giving her time to put more thought into what to wear while talking with whoever it was that needed her. "Come in!"

Shinji entered the room cautiously, noted that Rei was dressed, and said something that he could not have known was perfect for the woman he said it to, "That's really classy, it fits you perfectly."

Salvation had not only arrived unannounced, it had not wasted any time in delivering its bounty to her. Leaving on the dress she had a picture of her mother wearing, she smiled brightly at the compliment. "Why thank you. It is always welcome to hear that my sense of fashion is appreciated by its target audience."

"I…I wouldn't judge your sense of fashion by my reaction. You could be wearing an old burlap sack and I'd think you were beautiful." He shrugged his shoulders, working the thumb of one hand into the palm of the other. "I know what I like when I see it, and I can't imagine…ever seeing you and not liking it." His eyes dropped before Rei's lit up with flames of joy, causing him to miss her reaction. "I'm…sorry, for hurting your feelings. I panicked. I…I thought I'd hurt you, and…by fleeing I ended up hurting you…."

His apology did not dim her happiness. He walked into their room of his own accord, he complimented what she was wearing, then complimented her appearance as a whole, then stated plainly that he enjoyed her being around, and then offered an apology that was unnecessary but still heartfelt. She practically skipped over and hugged him tight. "I'm so sorry that we pushed you into that." Her joy was too great for her voice to properly convey her own sorrow at their losses. "We've lost so many people, Shinji…I'd never want to wake up to a world that didn't have you in it."

Holding her close, soaking in her presence, he breathed out, "I'd give anything to bring them all back…but I can't afford to live in the past anymore."

"No, we can't." Now her joy was suffused with pride in him. "We've got to press on. We've got to do what we can to give everyone else a chance to live in safety." She couldn't hold it in anymore. "I love you, Shinji. I love you so much."

His reply was, as much of the conversation had been, wholly unexpected. "I love you too, Rei. At least…I think that what I'm feeling is love. I wish I knew for sure, so that I could be certain I wasn't lying to you."

It was enough for her that he believed he did. In her eyes, Shinji Ikari was not a man given to dishonesty. That was what made him great. "Then I'll be sure enough for the both of us, until you can catch up to me." Dropping down, she smoothed out her dress and giggled. "So, where are we going that we need to be presentable?"

"To set the terms we're going to operate under to the people who need to abide by them."

+++++ Azabu-Juban. (Thursday + 61)

Everyone gathered outside the house, the ladies judging and commenting on each other's outfits, Shinji idly toying with the last remaining Crystal on his necklace. The coins he'd been gifted had long since become familiar to him, the surfaces displaying signs of him rubbing them between his thumb and forefinger while he thought. The Crystal of Earth, however, still held pleasant memories that were now maudlin regrets. Daphne's loss was painful, and not only because she had been determined to help him stop hurting. She had been the last of her kind. A woman who dared, who fought bravely, and who deserved respect. She also had been someone he'd have believed worthy of the Crystal.

Naru, wearing something that he'd found in the hotel in Okinawa and idly braiding her long hair, ignored the other ladies' discussion in favor of watching Shinji. "It seems so fragile."

Returning to the present, he looked over to her and puzzled out her meaning by where she was looking. "It is, and it isn't. The Crystal of Earth," he tapped the orange entity, "requires the other three to help balance everything it does. It is a part of a whole, and a power of its own. I honestly think it'd take something along the lines of the universe breaking to really damage it, at least physically. I'm just keeping it safe until it finds the one it belongs with."

"Makes sense. Can't really think of a better person than someone who can use magic to take care of a magical crystal." Adjusting her clothes, with her hair now braided and out of her way, she presented herself to him without guile. "Good enough?"

"You wear it well," he replied after a brief assessment. "If I felt we had time, I would take you to several clothing stores to try and find something of your own choosing…but time isn't really something we're blessed with anymore."

Her head quirked to the side and she pursed her lips. "So you wouldn't have chosen this for me?"

"I don't choose things for others. It's not my place, and it goes very poorly when I do."

"I see, I see." She glanced over to the other five, then back to him. "So…who are you partnered with?"

"No idea." He shrugged one shoulder. "Same principle applies. It's their choice whether or not they think I'm worthy of them, not mine."

"Oh, oh no." She shook her head and motioned with her hands to deny the point. "I mean, the crystal on your neck. Four crystals, four people. That's what you implied. But you've got that one," she vaguely gestured to the back of his neck.

"Oh…sorry." His temper flared and died, disappointed at himself for the mistake. "Nobody. The Crystal of Void is…unique."

"That sucks. They have each other to help, but you're stuck carrying the load by yourself?"

"I wouldn't say I'm alone."

"I wouldn't say that you're not," she replied with a shrug. "You don't talk to them about your problems until they become catastrophes. You don't share your worries with them until the causes are knocking down your door. You keep yourself away from them, even in group settings. Looking at you from a sociological perspective, you're not really attempting to integrate yourself with your peer group."

He considered her assertion for a time. "I'm terrified of getting close to them, because I feel it will result in their death. I only really make an effort when I need to apologize for something I've done. Otherwise, I leave it up to them. If they want to embrace Death…it's not my place to stop them." He'd dithered long enough, and with a thought he created a portal to a place he'd been once before.

Rolling grassy hills, winding rivers, beautiful skies, and plentiful life extended out as far as the eye could see. Rice fields, interspersed with everything else, were receiving plentiful attention from a host of kitsune. Shinji entered first, stepping through the portal and onto an immaculately detailed bridge that gave a scenic overlook of the area. The others shuffled through behind him, moving to the railing and amazing at the scene.

"I see you accepted my invitation, Amatsumikaboshi," an endearingly pleasant voice sounded from the other side of the bridge. "Though it took you longer than I'd hoped it would."

Shinji looked over to see Amaterasu smiling sadly, and changed what he said now that he knew she wasn't pleased with what had happened. "It appears that my conquest of Ashihara no nakatsukuni was merely delayed, instead of prevented. Futsunushi no Kami and Takemikazuchi no Mikoto likely did not anticipate outside interference when they attempted to prevent the inevitable." He bowed, politely. "Allow me to introduce my companions. In no particular order of importance, we have Rei Hino, Sailor Mars, Guardian of the Crystal of Fire, and shrine maiden of the Hikawa Shrine."

"A genuine pleasure to meet you, Flamemaiden," Amaterasu inclined her head, a display of genuine respect.

Rei's bow was equal to Shinji's. "It is an honor, ma'am."

Accepting the exchange as a good starting point, Shinji continued, "Beside her is Maria, her names and titles are…extensive. I won't dishonor her by repeating them here."

"I'm known around these parts, Pet." Maria smirked at Amaterasu, confident that she'd win any fight with the energy Shinji had given her with the kisses. "But I'll allow you to lead the dance, and not refer to our hostess by her other names either."

"Ever the charmer, 'Maria'." The goddess did not feel it necessary to provoke anyone either, concerned with how Shinji would react.

Shinji had to admit to himself that he relaxed when neither went for the other's throat. "To my right is Naru Narusegawa. The last human remaining from Ashihara no nakatsukuni."

"…Are…are we in…." Naru had attempted to avoid gawking, and mostly failed.

Amaterasu nodded twice. "Yes. You tread where no mortal has in ages untold, Narusegawa-san. Amatsumikaboshi has brought you here as a sign of peace, and a display of his true intent. I thank you for bearing such an important message, and will reward you when the time is appropriate."

"Behind me, guarding my back, is Ireul. The only other entity from my original home, and my personal hope for the future of Ashihara no nakatsukuni." Shinji turned his body, motioning for the Angel to stand at his side. "We both know that everything she did couldn't have happened any other way. We both know that it was neither her desire, nor decision, to act as my herald. The dice rolled as they would, and were loaded to land as they did by our true enemy." His voice darkened. "So don't hold a grudge."

"As you say," she let her eyes drop to the bridge, suddenly aware of her own temper. "I cannot in truth say that it is a pleasure to meet you, Terror of the divine. Though, I welcome you in the spirit of peace that you have come carrying."

Ireul herself was far more embarrassed than unnerved. She had sensed Shinji's mood, and could tell that he'd arrived ready to kill everyone present if needed, it had informed her stance, and would now inform her words, "It would be quite lovely if we could not only maintain, but build upon that spirit during our time here, Amaterasu-ōmikami."

"The last two ladies are certainly not the least of them. Haruka Tenou, Sailor Uranus, Bearer of the Crystal of Wind, beloved of Michiru Kaiou, and Michiru Kaiou, Sailor Neptune, Bearer of the Crystal of Water, beloved of Haruka Tenou." His eyes locked onto Amaterasu's. "It would hurt my feelings if their union remained unblessed."

"Mine as well, My Love." Amaterasu made a soothing motion. "Mortals misunderstand the motivations of the strictures we placed upon them all too often. Other times they will simply pretend to be speaking in our name. Nothing has ever been stated by those of us with primacy over the lands of their birth that should have been misconstrued to declare such a pairing as immoral or unethical. That they seek to propagate the species, if possible, is all we've asked. Our power to protect them derives directly from the number of people who venerate us." She looked to the two Outer Sailors with an openly hopeful expression. "I would personally bless your union without reservation, and only ask as a personal matter if you intend to bless the world with your heirs?"

"They'll be his heirs too," Haruka flicked a finger towards Shinji, "because he's the one that's going to help us have kids."

"All the more reason for me to whole-heartedly bless you both." She held her hands up at shoulder level, arms bent and palms out. A light glow radiated from her fingers for a few seconds, and then she clapped three times. "It is done. What strength my words or intent may carry is now shining down upon you both. May you live and love as one for countless ages to come."

Shinji once again bowed with proper respect towards the goddess. "Thank you."

"It was done with a glad heart, I assure you."

"Was the decision to murder Motoko also done with a glad heart?" He stood straight, his face stoic. "Or to murder Suzuhara? To take Daphne's unborn child?" Lacing his fingers together loosely, he let his hands hang in front of him. "Self-directing your own murder to remove your avatar from the world was somewhat confusing. Binding your limbs with hemlock didn't make much sense, until I realized it would require that the cycle of reincarnation summon a new avatar for you. Directing the Triplets to kill her also didn't make much sense, until I realized that she would be a threat to usurp your place as Messenger to Mankind. The excuses were far too convenient. Reduce the amount of Light surrounding me, free me from the boundaries that were being placed around me, prepare me to assure a kitsune ascendency. A little too self-serving, even for you Inari."

"This…this need not end in violence."

"Then convince me not to flip that particular switch." The combination offer and threat was made in the same manner as someone asking the weather. "Swear to stop interfering in my affairs. Swear to stop trying to control Chaos. Swear to forgo my love for all time."

She couldn't hold his gaze. "I cannot. We belong-"

"I BELONG TO NO ONE!" The roar of self-determination echoed across the hills and through the valleys for leagues in every direction. With his fists clenched, he took one step closer to their hostess. "The question of where Usagi discovered that she could meld with the latent shards of Lilith, of how she could access another reality, of who to speak with and why. You corrupted her. You convinced her that the only way to save me was to sacrifice herself. You forced her into a situation where her only chance of not corrupting me was to escape to the future. If they," he shot one hand out to the side, to where the kitsune were creeping closer, "take one more step I'm going to depopulate this entire plane of existence."

Amaterasu held her hand out, commanding her subjects to stop where they were. "You represent three separate strains of life, My Love…Mother Moon would have kept you entirely to herself."

"Probably not. I may be greedy about sweets, but I usually make sure that everyone has enough." Usagi Ikari appeared from behind Amaterasu, walking through a portal with The Wanderer and a few others. "In a situation like this? Chances are good that I'd happily share the man I loved with the sisters I loved." She waved with a bright smile to Shinji, and those with him. "Hi! It's my fault we're early. I wouldn't let Shin-Shin…uhm, my Shin-Shin sit back any longer. Your Shin-Shin has actually been really patient, all things considered."

The Wanderer shared a look of commiseration with Shinji. Both men keenly aware that they had little control over their own lives, and both seeing the problems that the other had from that unique perspective. "Brother."

Shinji was relieved that they'd come earlier than he'd anticipated. He was tenuously close to unleashing violence. "Brother."

"Takamanohara is…more cramped than I thought it would be." Striding past Amaterasu, paying her no mind, he patted Shinji on the back and looked out towards the horizon over the side of the bridge. "It's a sealed world. The horizon, there, wraps around to the same horizon behind us. It has the illusion of infinity, without the strength such infinite reach would provide."

"It has shrunk, with the ascension of others," Amaterasu asserted with cold ire.

"Then it will fall, as all belligerent empires must." The Wanderer turned his body so that he was facing Shinji directly, with his back completely to Amaterasu. He knew that his wives were going to escort the goddess somewhere else, and he did not fear for his own safety with them present. "This was a bold step. One that I honestly didn't anticipate you making so quickly."

Shinji nodded in agreement. "Then my plan is working. If you can't anticipate me, then neither can the people I'm going to go hunting."

"And what is it you are going to ask of me, then? I got the message loud and clear, you have terms to discuss."

"I need you to give Neptune and Uranus whatever they ask for. I also need you to keep me from ever knowing what they want." He held up one finger. "I need you to keep this Earth safe until Moon and Saturn return to defend it." He held up a second finger. "I need you to offer sanctuary to Naru." A third finger. "And I need some engineering help to fix the LCC. If I'm going to be going around the stars, I need to move a little faster than a trot." A fourth finger.

"Yes, no, sure, of course."

"…Ok."

"Polarity. By my attempting to keep the Earth safe, I'm going to draw evil towards it. My presence in that universe will only make things worse. I'll do what I can, and I'll put people smarter than us on coming up with answers. But I can't guarantee anything, not and be honest with you." Pushing his hands into his pockets, he leaned against the railing. "I can offer, instead, to monitor the situation while we work out a better solution. If something happens, I'll contact you and get you back there to defend it. Fair?"

Shinji grabbed the railing with both hands, leaning against it and staring out at the horizon. "Yeah…it makes sense."

"Those really aren't very onerous terms. The way you were acting, I kind of thought you'd want something terrible."

"I want Usagi back the way she was, before she was tricked into making the situation worse." He shrugged one shoulder. "That's not my decision to make. It's not your right to enforce. There are a lot of things I want…but I have to recognize the reality of the situation and accept that I'm not going to get them."

"True, and a fair point." The Wanderer looked at the women that had arrived with Shinji, watching them interact with his own wives. "Are you going to be ok operating as wetworks?"

"Assuming that I did my best, I managed to save a number of lives that while not actually zero, is for all practical purposes rendered mathematically as zero. After fighting your Hikari, I realized that part of my problem was my anger. After finding the women meant to carry these Crystals, I realized that another part of the problem was that I didn't have the right type of light to keep my anger in check. It's not my job to protect people directly, I wasn't given the right type of powers to prevent widespread devastation by standing against it. I should have realized a lot of this after the first two or three women were murdered near me, but I think you'd agree that we're more than a little fucking retarded."

"I wouldn't put it quite that way, but I can't disagree with your intent. We're made better by having the right people around us to support us."

"Right. They help you hold up the sky. Me? They stop me from ripping it asunder."

The Wanderer nodded, agreeing. "You've grown stronger in a very short period of time. You need to be careful."

"…So do the people I'm coming for." He looked back towards the man he might have been in another life. "Is your reality going to survive me being there?"

"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised." Taking his right hand out of his pocket, he offered it to the man he might have been in another life. "I'll give you whatever aid I can in keeping your Earth safe. You come talk to me if you get sick of your job. I'm not looking for a servant, I'm looking for an ally. We can find alternate solutions while you get either downtime or retire somewhere nice."

Pushing himself roughly off of where he'd been leaning, Shinji took his hand and shook it firmly. "That's good, because I meant what I said. Chaos cannot belong to anyone. Death cannot belong to anyone. I'll help clear the path for us, you keep the homestead safe."

The Wanderer smiled knowingly. "Speaking of homesteads, would you like to meet your niece before you go?"

"Sure. I brought a gift for her." He summoned a small plate with a large apple on it, empowering it with the same magics that he'd once given to the small youkai that had done him a favor. "This will forever replenish itself, so long as she thanks it each time she eats."

"A lesson in giving and manners. I whole-heartedly…." His brow furrowed, and he stepped back away from Shinji, summoning both a long-bladed spear and a woman with a dai-katana across her back in a bolt of lightning. "Suzi, get non-coms clear. Silent One, ready yourself."

Shinji could feel that The Wanderer wasn't worried about him, setting the apple down and summoning his axes to hand along with Unit-01 to surround him. Scanning the horizon, the sky, and the land around them, he tried to feel what the other man was feeling. "Problem?"

"Anger. A vast and terrible anger." The Wanderer looked towards the three Sailors that came from Shinji's realm as they hurried over. "No. I need you three to help my wives. I don't know if this is a broad assault, and I don't want to concentrate all of us in an area where they could hurt all of us at once."

"I respect you as my brother-in-law," Maria pulled out two long daggers and shook her head, "but you aren't going to be ordering me around."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Na'amah. Lily'd be upset, and I tend to lose sleep when that happens. Follow your man's lead, as should you, Ireul." Working his grip against the wooden shaft of his great weapon, he tipped it towards a nearby field. "Let's get off this bridge, at least. The Silent One and I need room to work."

Following The Wanderer's lead felt natural. Normal. Shinji didn't feel as if he was being commanded, so much as being asked politely to go along with a good idea. His acquiescence was neither taken for granted nor up for debate, and there was a great deal of respect that came along with those orders. He judged his own bearing against his 'brother', and could see where he'd fall short in the same position. Moving to support him, Shinji looked to the two ladies remaining, "There can only be one leader of an army. Until he loses his mind or dies, I'm not going to argue with the man who has more experience than I do."

"For that, I thank you," he replied with a grateful nod. Reaching the middle of a fallow field, he traced a circle around him with the tip of his spear. "Try not to stray into this range. If I have to react at superluminal speeds, I can't guarantee safety any closer than that."

Shinji set Ares' Axe to floating before him, then summoned a black hole at a reasonably safe distance. "Not sure if you know how to do that." He dismissed the globe and grabbed his weapon again. "Did you follow me?"

"Huh…neat trick." The Wanderer resumed his scan of the horizon. "A false black hole leading to nowhere." Sighting something, he jabbed his spear towards it. "There."

A tiny dot, far off in the distance, slowly grew visible. Darkness spreading along behind it as if a bridal veil of purest black were being dragged through the sky. Ripples of purple and red danced and spit along their outline, their pace unforced but unstoppable.

"My instincts are telling me to charge." Shinji looked over to his brother. "Thoughts?"

The Wanderer shook his head, negating the idea. "That'd be a very Asuka thing to do, so I don't recommend doing it. Flank when they're within speaking distance. If they follow you, I'll wait for your attack and support you. If they focus on me, kindly do the same."

He couldn't restrain his grin at the first part of the recommendation. "Fair enough." Taking several steps off to the side, keeping an eye on the approaching figure, he wasn't surprised when it shifted course to track him instead. "After all," he muttered, "I'm the one with the shit luck."

Faster than Shinji could follow, a snaking beam of energy struck out towards where Maria was standing. Faster still, The Wanderer interposed himself between the attack and the target, blocking the strike and deflecting it off into the heavens above. A second and third quickly followed, seeming to be testing the limits of The Wanderer's abilities. As a fourth attempted to loop around his guard, with the knowledge gained from the prior attacks, the woman with the long katana filled the gap in his defenses and smashed the danger to the ground. Landing lightly and setting her guard in place, she was unphased by the attack and ready for more. "What have I told you about starting without me, Little Bear?"

"Not my fault. They started it, and I reacted." The hierarchy was becoming clearer, The Wanderer clearly defensive about being blamed for what was happening by a woman he loved.

The next attack was swallowed by a black hole Shinji put in place. Moving it to and fro to keep up with the increasing volume, he looked to the married couple and scowled. "Do you mind? I think we're fighting here."

"Technically, the enemy is fighting. So far, it seems all we're doing is waiting for orders," Maria quipped.

"Not helping." Shinji had tired of defense, and chose to prompt a reaction from their enemy by throwing the black hole at them. When its target travelled through it unharmed, he dismissed the black hole before it could hurt anything else. "Ok…that's worrying."

"Don't worry, Shinji." An all too familiar voice spoke, undercut with a reverberation of blackest rage. "I'll make sure that they don't suffer. Then, I'll take care of everything."

"…Yukiko?"

Ireul hurried over to Shinji, keeping her eyes on the approaching woman. "This isn't going to work. You need to stop think-"

Later, The Wanderer would apologize, claiming that because Ireul was within Shinji's immediate reach he felt it wouldn't be prudent to interpose himself between Hope's attack and their 'bubble'. At the moment, that same man winced as he saw Ireul be blasted out of their sight by another chaotic bolt of energy. "Suzi…we need to fall back. We need to trust the Silent One…he's got this." Moving backwards, maintaining his defenses, he pushed Maria away with him, muttering quietly to her as he did so.

As for Shinji, he looked away from Hope long enough to see that he couldn't see where Ireul had gone. He then looked to where The Wanderer was moving clear. He then returned his attention to Hope and began walking towards her. "Where did you go?" The words were calm, his tone quiet. Both were not the truth.

Coming to a halt just in front of him, the tiny Yukiko gave him a contented smile. "I had to return to where I was born, long ago. I did what I had to, there. Now you and I can start again."

"What do you mean 'what you had to'?"

"They wanted to stop me from coming back to you. Wanted me to wait, and watch how you filled yourself with a false truth." Reaching out, she caressed the faceplate of Unit-01. "It will be ok. Soon, you won't need this. Soon, you'll be ok."

"Yukiko, what do you mean 'what you had to'?"

"They had to die," she stated nonchalantly. "I couldn't allow them to keep me from you. You need hope, you need Hope."

Much like had happened several times already, a series of paths appeared before his eyes. Too numerous to count easily, nearly all featuring things he would never allow. He had to make a choice. "You need to stop. Nothing good is going to-"

"Shh, shh, shh…." She pressed her finger to where his lips would be. "You've never known hope, ძვირფასი. You don't know what it is you're trying to prevent. It looks horrifying to you because it is unfamiliar."

Her interruption irritated him. Her declaration angered him. Slapping her hand away, he glared at her. "I don't need hope, Yukiko. Hope is what people possess when they lack the ability to do what must be done. Hope is what those who lack drive fall back upon. Hope has killed far too many people already. Stand. Down."

"You just can't see it." Her eyes grew joyous. "That's ok…I'll show you."

"I warned you." Slicing the Axe of Ares up from beneath her, he forced her into dodging directly into a swat from the Axe of Silence that sent her bouncing down into the ground. Catching her off the bounce, he kicked her up into the sky and sent a stream of arrows from Apollo's Bow after her.

Yukiko was aghast. She was actually feeling pain. Pain caused by the man she loved. Pain that he delivered to her in anger. Had she been too gentle? Righting her body in mid-air, she screamed at her doubts and launched a volley of attacks of her own down at Shinji, inside Unit-01.

Shinji, however, was ready for this too. He wasn't fighting to win. He wasn't fighting to stop her. He'd warned everyone, and if they hadn't been paying attention it was no longer his fault. Someone threatened the women he loved, that meant someone got to die. He was fighting to kill her, no matter what it cost him. Jumping up and directly towards her, he set a series of portals to intercepting her attacks, and a companion series of portals that delivered those attacks back to her from random angles that she proved unable to avoid. Dismissing those portals, he presented himself as a target again, baiting out her strongest reprisal. Her hands went up, he came through a portal she hadn't seen in time to tackle her, driving her back down to the ground with Unit-01's true, full, weight.

"Stop fighting me!" Wailing in frustrated pain, she struck at him with her hands, too unfocused to use her full array of powers. "Let me go!"

"Probably not the best choice of words." Just before impact, he opened the portal. The portal that led to the Sea of Dirac where he kept two of the Angels. The portal that held no escape from death within the most powerful black hole ever known. Spiking her through the aperture, he sent himself through a different portal back up into the air to bleed off momentum and slammed both holes in reality shut. Landing with a heavy thump, he stood up tall and looked over to The Wanderer. His helmet removed itself, returning to where it existed when he wasn't using it. "What the fuck, man? You were on defense! You blame me for almost pulling an Asuka?!"

The Wanderer leaned on his spear, gesturing back to where the incident had occurred. "I thought you had it! You were standing right there! I'm sorry she got hurt, but don't blame me because you didn't communicate."

"Misato told us, flat out, that unless you receive affirmative communication from your ally you don't change your posture. You had defense, you were supposed to block that one."

"I don't mean to interrupt this charming little tête-à-tête," Maria moved closer to Shinji, bringing over Ireul while helping her remain standing, "but…are we sure that fight's over?"

"Until I let her out, or she dies by having the energy that composes her torn from her body by tidal forces, she's not leaving that dimension." The switch from angered at The Wanderer to calm and cold was jarring for everyone watching Shinji. "I understand that people may not quite yet think I'm serious…I'm done talking. Threaten the people dearest to me, and you die." One finger jabbed towards The Wanderer. "His job is to make sure that there's something worth fighting for left when we're done." Switching to a thumb, he jabbed himself in the chest. "My job? My job is to kill the people who won't listen to reason. To restore chaos to a reality that has had the deck stacked against them. If you come with me, you need to accept the new truth."

Dismissing his spear, and holding his hands out palms down to the ground at his waist, The Wanderer motioned for quiet. "I'm not going to be tasking him with killing anyone that can be reasoned with. I'm not going to be sending him out to slaughter my enemies. His job will be to take down the big problems creating the trillions of little problems stopping people from living as they choose to. We'll have others that will come behind him to prevent a power vacuum from creating more monsters, as well as militaries to occupy those areas prone to flaring up again. He chose this path, and I'm going to help him walk it without making a monster of him."

"So, you're leaving?" Amaterasu stood near the bridge, looking for all the world as if she'd just lost everything.

Shinji, despite his assertions to the contrary, was not heartless. "I have to. The fight isn't here. The enemy isn't here. But they'll keep sending bullshit here unless I go stop them." He knew that Amaterasu had done what she had done so that she could assure a future that contained her children. That in a fight against other forms of life, there was honestly little that should be considered 'unforgivable' if extermination is on the list of potential outcomes. "If I'm going to do anything to make sure that the Earth can house life, including more kitsune…I have to leave."

Rei, the Sailor for Mars, the Maiden of Flame, the Bearer of the Fire Crystal, ran over and jumped up into a hug with Shinji. "Stop thinking you're all alone, you silly, silly man." Kissing his cheek, she looked on him fondly. "We're not going to be just sitting back and watching you do things. Who knows, maybe we can convin-hurk."

A tiny hand, attached to a tiny arm, pushed the greatest heart Shinji had ever known out through the back of Rei's ribs. Tearing open a hole in reality between the Sea of Dirac and the Plains of Heaven, Hope pushed her way through Rei to stand in mid-air, covered in blood. "No. No, I will not accept this. I will not allow you to wither away beneath the false dawn." Turning to face Shinji, she made a grasping motion and ripped Unit-01's left arm free from his body leaving his bare skin exposed to the world around them. "No more."

The reality of Rei's death sank in as her body slumped to the ground next to Shinji. The loss of Unit-01's arm, the gasps and outcries of those around him. The crushing weight of responsibility for believing that Hope itself would be so easily defeated. As the right arm of Eva Unit-01 joined the left, he looked to The Wanderer and asked in a too-calm tone, "Would you please get everyone somewhere safe?"

As Unit-01's right leg came free, The Wanderer realized what was about to happen, and froze time itself. In the space between instants, he grabbed everyone that wasn't either Hope or Shinji and retreated back to his home dimension. He would explain to everyone once they were not in danger. He would accept them as refugees, if the worst came to pass. He would forever honor the bravery and sacrifice of the version of him that prepared to do what must be done by first ensuring that there would be no unnecessary casualties.

From Shinji's perspective, no time had passed after the question left his lips and everyone else disappeared. Unit-01's left leg was shredded and cast aside by his enemy, and so he allowed Unit-01's helmet to resume its place upon his head. There was a sense of true loss growing. The pieces of his outer shell being broken apart, covered in the blood of the woman he loved. He dropped down to one knee, retrieving the Crystal of Fire from where it lie on the ground Rei had died upon and whispering, "I'm sorry…I love you." Affixing the Crystal to his necklace, he then ripped the necklace free from his throat, opened a portal next to where The Wanderer was urging everyone to calm down and tossed it at his brother's feet.

Stripping him of the last of Unit-01, the woman that had once been called Shinji's Yuki-chan now stood before Chaos unbound. Her face a mixture of fear and elation, her breath coming in short, heavy, puffs, she looked along his form with a manic grin. "You see? It was containing you, yes, but that was stopping you from seeing the false hope you were building within! You can't have a stable house built on a foundation of sand!"

"Who asked for stable?" Somewhere lightyears to his left there was a pocket of expanding nothingness. A maelstrom of purest emptiness tearing everything that was into that which was not. "All I've ever wanted has been offered to me and taken from me within moments of each other. Every day, every hour."

"Because you were trying to fill your heart with lies," she explained with an eager nod. "You thought your future could be chosen by another. That they could direct your course. You latched onto the false hope of another, instead of seeking for the harder true hope I offered to you."

The pocket of nothingness reached them with a rushing wave of all-consuming silence. The life and brightness of the Plains of Heaven, the rice fields and winding streams, the sunlit skies and shady trees, all was torn from the mooring gravity of reality and cast into the howling void. The shift from somethingness to nothingness was over in the blink of an eye. Standing on emptiness, facing Hope with emptiness between them, Shinji fully embraced what it was that he had to become. "You thought to do this by murdering the woman I loved? By attacking the man who calls me his brother? I would call the decision bold, if I didn't know that it was made by a madwoman."

"I'm not insane, you didn't love her!"

The paths once more appeared before his eyes, an endless array of potentialities that would lead wherever he desired. Picking one at random, he was suddenly standing behind Hope with his hand around her throat and her feet dangling helplessly. "I do not believe that is your place to decide." An instant later, his hand collapsed into a fist when Hope transported herself away, coughing and hacking as she tried to draw in breath. "You know my past," taking his time, he began to walk towards her, "you know my family, and despite that knowledge…you thought to harm someone loved by an Ikari? If you aren't insane, then you're suicidal."

From anyone but Hope's perspective, she was being stalked by an entity that would best be described as a poorly delineated mass of yarn-like strands of a constantly shifting substances. That which had been Shinji Ikari was now something far older, far greater, far more terrible. There would be no sane mind capable of understanding what he was, and asking anyone insane enough to begin to comprehend him to try would only result in what was left of their consciousness forgoing the remainder of their life to embrace oblivion as a means of escape. Hope, having slain those of her siblings that had held together some of the most powerful concepts in existence, was simply too blind to the truth of the situation to understand her plight. "We can rebuild it all. We can restore the universe to what it should have been from the start! No Judges, no Angels, no Sailors…no Evangelions. You can extend your gifts to the entirety of our existence, give everyone the space they need to grow to their maximum capacity…."

He reached down to where she had struggled to her feet, and set both hands against her cheeks as she once had done to his human form. "You don't build something from nothing. To build something, one must have something to start with. Because of you…." He created a localized gravity well inside of her skull, stronger than even the one he'd put to torment the two Angels. The weakest of the four fundamental forces of the universe was still millions of times stronger than the structural integrity of the woman he now was certain was no longer a living being. "Now there is nothing left to build upon. The Plains of Heaven are no more."

"Pet?"

His head turned slightly, his eyes seeing an emotion in Maria's eyes that he'd never seen there before: fear. Looking back to where he had murdered Hope, he made an attempt to process his feelings regarding the beautiful shopkeeper. "Please don't come close. I…don't want whatever bastard has a hardon for my suffering to take you from me too."

Displaying the bravery that would give her the chance to be near him for all time, if she had the strength to win the right to do so, Maria ignored him and moved to stand where he had to look at her. "I can't live my life like that. I can't ignore my love's pain like that." She gestured unevenly towards where he was. "I also…can't hug you when you're like that. I can't make out where you begin and end."

"I don't know how to turn it off."

"It's not about turning it off, it's about accepting that it's a part of you." Her smile grew as she found a way to help him. "You can't just 'turn off' things like this. I can't turn off my eye color, or my left arm, so why should I be able to turn off my stupid pride? This…whatever it is, it's you. All you need to do is think about how you want everyone to see you, and then wear that as a costume."

He frowned. "A costume?"

"Yep." She pointed to herself. "Do you really think I look like this? Inside, I'm much less calm. I'm the younger sister of a woman who was able to convince the strongest man in the entire known multiverse to accept her in his life. I'm the younger, uglier, sister. The weaker, uglier, less intelligent, less wise, younger sister. This façade I wear? I wear it because the only way anyone would look twice at me is if I wear it when I'm around others. I've spent my life looking for someone…kinda like you. Someone I can just be me around. Someone I can take the costume off for. So now I can help you do the same thing I do, so that when…you know, when you find that someone you can take it off around…you'll be ready."

The first step, at least the first one that made any sense to him, would probably be to figure out what he wanted to look like. "Is everyone else safe?" He needed to be distracted enough to think.

"They are. The Wanderer has urged calm while you do what you must, and has tasked several of his wives with extending every available hospitality to…those of us who are left."

"Good…that's good." He could always choose to look like the man he'd seen in the mirror for the past few months. "I created a black hole with the mass of the one at the center of the Milky Way inside her skull…do you think she's dead now?"

"Think? Yes." Maria kept her motions calm, her smile in place. "Do I know? Not really. Months ago, I would have said that I emphatically believe she was dead. Months ago…all we were worried about was how best to help you become the central focus of three forms of life."

He could look more akin to Lithion. Oddly colored skin, certain elongated features. Human enough to be familiar, inhuman enough to avoid the uncanny valley. "Months ago I was mostly worried about not being perverted around beautiful women. Things escalated pretty quickly."

"…It might not help, but I'd like to admit that I would have preferred you end up with Makoto-chan. I really think she would have treated you the best. You shared interests, you shared a past of losing family, and you shared a drive to protect everyone. Her death…was truly unfortunate."

That admission caused him to smile, despite his dour mood. To hear from a woman that wished nothing more than to be loved by him that she would have gladly allowed another woman to love him in her place was…. "Can I be honest?"

Her reply was instant and unwavering, "Always."

"…I love you as you are, Na'amah."

Silence followed his statement, Maria's mouth twitching in a random effort to try and respond to something that she'd never expected would be stated without prompting. "I…I'm sorry?"

"Tell me…how should I look?" Hope had told him he shouldn't hitch himself to the false 'hope' the others would give him. In his eyes, that meant he should do just that. "What would make you happiest?"

She took another step closer, her features hardening. "Nothing would make me happier than for you to appear as I first met you. Lost, confused, scared…and determined not to be ignored or forgotten."

His first breath beneath a new mask released a great deal of anger that had built up. Opening his arms, he used a lesson he'd been taught by the very woman Maria would have seen him with. "Hug?"

+++++ Runic Throne. (Friday + 2,967)

When the portal opened up in the space The Wanderer had anticipated it opening, Shinji was greeted by a much smaller crowd than he had anticipated. Waiting for him, in a front lawn filled with lush grass and limned with an almost poetic array of flowers, were the survivors of the Earth he'd been transported to, The Wanderer, and two women he did not recognize. Bringing with him Maria, and facing those remaining first, he let his head droop forward. He could show these people his true emotions, just not his true form. "I killed her. In killing her, I destroyed the Plains of Heaven. In killing her, I have…removed Hope from your universe. I have no clue, not even the slightest idea, of what that is going to do to what's left. I couldn't let her live, not and accept the risk of what she would do in her…."

By general consensus, the women that remained did not approach him. They'd let Maria go, after she'd sworn up and down that all she was going to do was keep him from vanishing to mope alone. Michiru, the de facto leader of those remaining, spoke for all of them when she assured him, "Sometimes terrible deeds must be done to assure that better days may yet come. To think otherwise is naïve and foolish, and to blame the hand that performs those deeds for the situations that compelled them to act is more so. We do not blame you for doing what must be done…nor do we blame you for delivering justice upon the head of someone who would murder a woman as precious to us all as Rei Hino."

"We will need to determine suitable individuals to take up those positions that were vacated." The Wanderer motioned for patience with one hand. "But that will be later, and will not require your input if you do not wish it to. I will do what I can, with the counsel I receive from those we can trust. You've just been through the shit, and I'm offering you the same thing I've offered those ladies that have helped you stay sane: time off. Time to decompress, to think, to find your footing again. A house can be built, here on the grounds, where nobody will bother you if you want to be left alone. Here, in my domain, nothing short of Reality itself has enough punch to do something I don't want done. If Reality shows up…well, I have to admit I'd like to have you at my side when we tackle him to the ground and extract our pound of flesh."

Shinji noticed the way his brother was looking at him. "You see it…don't you?"

"I do. I'm not going to judge how you handle your rucksack, so long as you aren't hurting yourself or others." He hefted one shoulder in a slight shrug. "We all have our ways of handling stuff, and mine won't work for you."

"What do you do?"

"…Freeze time and howl invectives into the cold uncaring void for a few hours."

"Fair enough." Shinji looked off towards the setting sun. "I'm worried that we'll become too comfortable. That we won't be able to leave, to do what must be done in other lands."

Naru, risking everyone's ire by speaking out of turn, raised one finger to make a point she felt more than salient, "You can travel between dimensions via those portals you make. Why can't you use the same ability to travel between points in space? With the right amount of celestial cartography, we should be able to map star systems within a close enough distance to safely land outside of anything…dangerous?"

Before anyone could chastise her for disrupting the plan, Shinji motioned for them to shut up. "…You're wearing the Crystal of Earth."

"Oh, yeah." She shrugged, not caring. "Mister Wanderer offered me sanctuary, I told him that I wasn't going to abandon the man who saved me just because it was going to be dangerous. Then I got attacked by this Crystal."

"Naru-san, 'The Wanderer' is a sobriquet," The Wanderer sighed out. "My given name is Shinji Ikari, as is his. 'The Wanderer' is one of my less ostentatious names, and so I chose it to not complicate this conversation. Calling me 'Paladin', or 'Odin', or 'Emperor Ikari', or any of a million other titles, epithets, and nicknames I've gathered over the years would be just as effective, if you have to use 'mister'."

"Stop." Shinji once again motioned for quiet. "You…accepted it?"

"Yeah. I mean, it was kind of aggressive in asking me for help, but what am I going to do? Say 'no'? You fixed my mind. How on Earth am I supposed to repay you if the first time I get asked to push a little harder than I'm used to I say 'No, it's too hard'. Screw that! Miss Tenou says you're going to be fighting to stop bad people. I can get behind that, and now I have a chance to help you."

Maria offered Shinji the necklace of coins he'd worn for months. "After she had accepted it, I came to find you. I know you wanted us all safe, but I wanted to do what I could to…help you maintain control."

"Practice." Haruka hugged Michiru from the side, presenting a unified front to the man they loved. "Learn your abilities. We're safe here, and The Wanderer will tell us if something is going to be attacking Earth."

"Three hundred years before the first thing I can think of, but I have set up monitoring stations that will keep unblinking coverage in case something stumbles across the solar system." The Wanderer motioned to the two remaining Sailors. "She makes a good point. I spent a very long time learning how to use my powers, and each time I gained more I needed that much more time to work. I'll spar with you, so that you're not worried about killing someone. Together, we'll make sure that I'm not sending you off to die." A sad smirk grew on his lips. "I don't have so many blood relatives that I'm willing to just let them die."

The offer was at once extremely compelling and terrifyingly worrying to Shinji. He swallowed back his reflexive denial of any assistance long enough to ask, "What if it follows me here?"

"Then, as one, we face what comes." Approaching with the calm of the inevitable, The Wanderer set one hand on Shinji's shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. "You have reached an end. Not 'the' end, but 'an' end. Now, together, you and I face what is to come. I am not asking you to indenture yourself to me, I am not asking you to worship at my feet. I am asking you to do something much, much harder. I'm asking you to stand, on your own two feet, and fight against what must never be allowed to win. To be the pointy end of the spear, so that those who follow after you can do so without fear of the things you will kill. But for now…I'm asking you to grieve."

"…While you get me targets, I'll practice with my powers. We have too much to do to have me sit around long enough to learn how to actually grieve." He put his hand on The Wanderer's elbow, returning the exchange of confidence. In a much quieter voice, he gave the needed warning, "You can see what I am. I need your word that if I become a threat to what you have here, you'll get me the fuck away from here."

"You have my promise that if there is no other way, I'll help you evacuate. I have a great deal I can learn from you, brother mine…I'd be honored if you'd let me teach you a few things in return." He tipped his head towards the two unknown women that had come with him for the meeting. "Meet Amy and Rose. Doctor Amethyst, if you'd prefer. She'd appreciate the chance to give you and your allies a medical examination. Rose, Admiral of the First Earth Defense Fleet, would like to teach you how to effectively manage your anger. She has had…some degree of success in keeping me from wiping all life from everywhere."

It wasn't a demand. He could say 'no'. Looking into the eyes of the man that truly believed him his brother, he knew that saying such would be a disappointment to him. Shinji Ikari was a weapon. He was meant to kill, to destroy, to eliminate. "…Even the best weapons require maintenance from time to time. All right. We'll stay here for a while."

In many other realms Shinji's acceptance of the temporary respite might have been a cause for cheers. In many other realms, there might have been more than a handful of people left to cheer. Here at the end of so many beginnings, the survivors of an Earth scourged by the crossing of two branches of Creation could only feel a sense of grim relief that they might be able to set down their burdens for a short time and acclimatize to their new place in the grand tapestry of life. A young man had crossed dimensions, and hell had ridden forth with him. He had no answers to give for why he had been chosen, save that perhaps the Crystal of Void found nobody worthy other than him. Now, away from a reality that he didn't belong to, after a parade of pain that seemed never-ending, all he had was time on his hands to seek those answers. To find the purpose and limits of his existence. The first step on the next leg of his journey was now before him, and it would require that he do nothing more than accept that his existence might very well have had no actual purpose but to cause the destruction of a world so that something else might be built from its ashes.