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Author's note: This is my very very first attempt at fanfic. So, please be gentle but do not hesitate to be honest and forthcoming with the reviews/input.
The format of my writing right now is closer to, shall we say, an embellished recap more so than straight original fiction. Particularly the 1st chapter of this story sticks closely to the story (and dialogue) of the episode with my additions on some of the thoughts and motivations of the characters. I want to read into/create subtext from the episodes, telling my vision of the Emily/JJ story. So the "fiction" (in so far as the story diverges from the actual episodes) will increase as the chapters progress.
***I do not own these characters or Criminal Minds*****
Chapter 1: "It Takes a Village"
Three and a half months after JJ returned – Senate Committee hearing.
"How often do spend months on a case, Agent?" the Chairman spat contemptuously down at Agent Jareau.
"We don't, but this one was – "
"Personal?"
"Different," JJ countered firmly. She was fighting back fury at the bullshit of this bureaucratic mechanism. This guy had no idea how things worked in the field, let alone the context in which the team was working. And he obviously had no intention of listening.
"Do you realize what you've done?" the Senator's condescending tone further provoked JJ.
"Yes, we put an international criminal with terrorist connections in federal custody." Asshole, she thought.
"You may consider that a victory. But you used government funds for a personal vendetta. And now, six people, including two of your agents, are dead." JJ stared hard at the chairman, biting back the angry retort that rose to her lips. Exceptthattheotherfourwereinternationalcriminals.She wondered if that actually made her feel better. She was exhausted. This Senate hearing was taking far too long, although she should have known something like this would happen. They could be a little more grateful. Sometimes the ends justify the means.
...
- 2 Months Ago -
JJ leaned into Morgan's office. "Hey, have you guys seen Reid?" Penelope, who was sitting across from Derek's desk, jumped slightly at the sound of JJ's voice, and turned in her chair, looking very much like a child caught in the act.
"He's at the firing range," the technical analyst told JJ, looking at her then quickly averting her eyes.
"Again?" JJ asked. Reid had been there are least 3 or 4 times a week since JJ had been back with the team.
"Yeah, ever since Prentiss died…" it was obvious Penelope was uncomfortable saying those words aloud, but had failed to come up with an alternative. JJ, uncomfortable with the situation herself, but for her own reasons quickly interjected.
"Yeah, yeah. Ok." She paused, unsure of whether to stay or go. She knew Morgan and Garcia were working on something together, they were always cooped up around Morgan's desk or huddled over Penelope's computer. And JJ had a pretty good idea of what it was. "Did you guys get a new case?" She feigned. The look of a guilty child quickly restored itself on Penelope's face and she opened her mouth to speak, but Derek cut in.
"No. Just an old one." JJ thought it was pretty obvious he knew she didn't believe him.
"Need a pair of fresh eyes?" JJ knew how Morgan was, but she desperately wanted to help. She wanted to be a part of this effort, more than Garcia or Morgan could know, because she knew the implications if Doyle were out of the picture. Emilycancomeback. In an instant JJ's mind was back in Paris, where she had last seen Agent Emily Prentiss. At that cafe, when she handed over Emily's new identities that not even JJ, her State Department contact, knew. Their hands had brushed when JJ handed Emily the envelope, and she had felt (or had she imagined) Em's fingers linger on hers for a moment. "Good luck" was all JJ had been able to muster, as she looked at her friend the last time…for any foreseeable future anyway. JJ could see the pain in Emily's eyes for a brief moment before she had braced herself, nodded, and strode away into the Paris night. And then she was gone, just like that.
"Not just yet." Morgan's voice brought JJ back to the present. His eyes met hers with a look of sincerity and she knew he would include her when the time came. JJ couldn't help but wonder if Morgan's trust of her would change if he found out the truth. Getting ahead of yourself Jay, she thought and she nodded to him and Garcia and closed the door.
Emily's absence had affected JJ much more than she anticipated. At least you know she's not dead, she often reminded herself. But it didn't change the fact that she longed to hear Emily's deep laugh echo from the bullpin, or see her stern face break into that infectious smile. JJ missed Em's constant bickering with Reid, and the way that she could go head to head with Morgan. During their cases, JJ often found herself waiting for Prentiss to interject with the most obscure insight that only she could, or to look up from her slides and see Em's face, frowned with concentration and the tender concern that Emily always seemed to harbor for the victims.
JJ shook her head as she walked into her office. They will find Doyle, she told herself. If anyone can it's Morgan and Penelope. They will. Then she can come home.
...
It didn't take long for JJ's prediction to come true. Penelope and Morgan found Doyle, after 2 months of surveying his son, Declan. JJ was ready, she wanted to go out and take action. Bring Emily home, she thought steely. Not that she didn't have a vendetta against Doyle too – just because she knew he didn't succeed in killing Emily didn't mean that she wasn't just was ready as Morgan to see him suffer for what he had put her through. The memory of Emily's broken body on the hospital bed made JJ's blood boil.
The tactical operation revealed the death of the two agents who had been on watch duty over Declan, and the fact that Declan himself was missing. JJ had been furious, and terrified. He was in a way, a direct connection to Emily. Almost like her child, and JJ's mind went into a panic trying to figure out where Doyle could have taken him. However, once they had apprehended Doyle and Morgan began questioning, it became apparent that Ian Doyle had no idea that his son was missing. This was worse than JJ imagined. The thought of some unknown person out there with Declan…what if this other person had found Emily? They had spent so much time focusing on Ian Doyle, it never occurred to JJ that someone else might emerge with something to gain from Emily. There was so much she hadn't known – no one had known – about Emily Prentiss before all of this with Ian Doyle had started. Where there other ghosts from Emily's past? She was in Europe, where she had worked for Interpol, so…
"How long as Agent Morgan been looking for Doyle?" Chief Strauss' voice interrupted JJ's mental racing.
Ohshit, JJ thought, taking a deep breath, not moving her eyes from the window into interregation room. "Since the night he killed Emily in Boston," JJ exhaled. "He refused to believe Doyle just vanished." She glanced over at Strauss who looked taken aback. JJ quickly looked away.
"He's been investigating Doyle for seven months?" Strauss demanded. JJ, whose mind had already darted back to that night in Boston, nodded somberly. She turned to look at Strauss, who's look of incredulity caught her off guard.
"Are you surprised?" JJ asked. If she had any real idea of what Emily means to this team, she wouldn't be so shocked. JJ turned back to the questioning scene in front of her, examining Ian Doyle. She didn't have time for Strauss's pointless questions. They needed to find Declan. "He seems genuine," JJ mused aloud.
"Well of course he does," Strauss snapped. "He's a mastermind manipulator."
The profiler inside JJ rolled her eyes. "See his carotid?" She pointed out to Strauss. "His heart started racing when Morgan mentioned Decalin. The tightness in his forehead, his darting eyes are signs of real concern." Strauss sighed and the realization that this had just gotten much more complicated looked like it was sinking in.
"Well if he didn't take his son, then who did?" JJ didn't have a response to that. Where's Emily when you need her? Immediately, JJ's heart ached at the question, and she immediately regretted letting her mind go there. She drew in a deep breath, drawing herself up. There's no point in thinking like that. Do your job, and she can come home.
...
Two hours later, JJ was sitting next to Garcia, watching the analyst work her technology magic. JJ's phone beeped, and looking down she saw a text from Hotch, "Need to talk ASAP."
"They got something?" Penelope asked upon hearing the phone, though not looking up from her computer.
"Don't know," JJ answered as she walked out of the room. "I'll call you if I do." She ran into Hotch halfway down the hall. "Hey, got your message," she started.
Hotch stopped in front of her, the look on his face was disconcerting to JJ. "It's time."
"Why?" JJ's heart started beating a mile a minute. She wanted Emily home, but she knew that revealing that she was alive while Doyle still was meant there was no room for error. And even less than that. Doyle could send someone for Emily, even if he died along the way. This is not how JJ wanted this to go. "I thought Morgan may be able to break Doyle without her." Even just talking about Emily like she was alive made it difficult for JJ to breathe. With the rest of the team, it was a constant charade of grief – not that she didn't have real grief over Emily's absence, but it was different, having to pretend she was dead. JJ and Hotch hadn't seen much of each other since Hotch had been in Pakistan, so glaring truth reflected in the eyes of someone else who knew wasn't something she was used to. Not to mention discussing Emily in the present tense.
"Declan tried to make a call, she's on her way," Hotch said, making it apparent that this wasn't how he wanted to do this either, but they had no choice.
"Alright, " JJ sighed, bracing herself. "I'll get Morgan."
"I'll get the others."
JJ's mind was racing all over the place as she walked down to the interrogation room. She'sonherway. Hotch's words echoed in her head. It was pure nausea – from anticipation of seeing Emily again, to terror of her safety, to more terror over how the team was going to react. Plus the fact that Declan was still missing. Not exactly how I imagined her homecoming would be, JJ thought.
"Everybody have a seat," Hotch told the team once everyone was present in the conference room. JJ could feel his nervousness as she went to stand next to him in the front of the room. Her heart was racing.
"She's alive?" Penelope whispered as tears began pouring out of her eyes. JJ looked from the technical analyst to Derek, who had remained standing the entire time Hotch spoke.
"Issues?" Morgan tensed. "Yeah, I got issues." JJ had known he wouldn't take it well, but she hoped – movement in the doorway interrupted her thought. Emily. JJ's mouth went dry, her heart seemed to burst in her chest as her eyes rested on the tall brunette standing in the back of the room. She couldn't help her face breaking out in an enormous smile as she stared. She looks beautiful, JJ thought. Healthy, strong even…slightly tired, but that's to be expected…JJ couldn't tear her eyes away from her friend's face. In the flesh. Something inside JJ seemed to come to rest. Like she was the one who had just returned home. She felt whole, and safe. Because the team is all here, she thought. The family is back together.
...
Emily stepped into the room apprehensively. She had registered the anger and betrayal in Morgan's voice, and wasn't sure how her presence would be received initially. She couldn't believe she was seeing all these people again – A sight for sore eyes for sure, she thought. Her eyes flicked to the front of the room where JJ stood next to Hotch. She caught sight of JJ beaming at her and suppressed the urge to cry at the obvious joy on her friend's face. Overcome by her anxiousness about the rest of the team, she only managed a nod of acknowledgement to JJ, and looked back at the rest of them.
"I am so sorry," she said, taking steps into the room, and reaching out for Garcia, then Reid. "Not a day went by when I…" She trailed off as she saw Morgan's face. "You didn't deserve that." She didn't know what to say to repair the damage between them, but reached out for him, hoping he would be glad enough to see her alive. Confirmation came in his feeble hug back, and though Emily knew that there was more work to be done, her priority at this moment was Declan. The team sprang into action, filling her in on what they knew, asking questions. Emily could feel JJ's eyes on her the entire time, and when she looked over to meet them, she saw genuine fondness pouring out. At least I've got her. The intensity of JJ's gaze immediately took Emily back to the night in Boston. She had been sure that she was dying, laying there on the roof. Thoughts of Declan filled her with anguish. And…something about those blue eyes. Emily didn't dwell on her "dying" thoughts for long, as the urgency of the situation kept her focused. After coming to the conclusion that Gerace was working under the lead of a woman, she accompanied Garcia and JJ to Garcia's office to go over the suspect list.
"Doyle had relations with all these ladies?" Garcia asked, her voice full of humor and life more than it had been since Emily had "died."
"And more than that," Emily said, soaking in every minute of being reunited with her team members. She stole a quick glance at JJ over Garcia's head. Jayj flashed her a smile, her bright blue eyes still glowing. God, just the blue of those eyes made the trip back worth it, Emily thought before redirecting her attention back to the computer screen.
"Hey can you shoot these into the roundtable room for me?" She asked Garcia, who looked up at her adoringly.
"Anything you say, Visitor Prentiss," she smiled. Emily laughed and met again JJ's gaze over the tech analyst's head. Emily dropped her hand from the back of Garcia's chair as she turned to leave the room with JJ, whose hand somehow connected with Emily's for a brief moment, sending her heart racing. She returned JJ's smile as they exited the room, wishing she had the courage to take hold of the blonde woman's hand. She just wanted to feel close to JJ, something about her presence made Emily feel grounded, like everything was going to be okay. The moment had passed though, and Emily left Garcia's office feeling embarrassed about her intense reaction to the briefest moment of physical contact with the blonde agent.
"So you're actually back," Emily said smiling as the two made their way down the hall.
"Yeah," JJ laughed. "They'd been looking for your replacement, and Rossi called me." Emily smiled at the thought. She always knew JJ would make an incredible profiler. I bet you're brilliant, she thought.
"How's Will with the long hours again?" Were the words she chose instead, unsure of how to compliment her friend as sincerely as she wanted. She watched JJ's face at the mention of her significant other.
JJ sighed, "Long story." What? Emily wanted to ask more, to make sure JJ was okay, ready to be furious at Will for not supporting his brilliant partner. But she didn't - JJ's mind was clearly moving into unpleasant territory. Change the subject…"I haven't seen Ashley," Prentiss remarked.
"Yeah she transferred," JJ answered.
"Mm," Emily paused, not really interested in talking about Seavers. "So, uh, how angry is the team?" Emily was glad to be able to have JJ to talk to about this, she was just glad to have JJ, period. She wasn't sure how the team would react to JJ's being in on the cover-up, but it was nice to at least have someone she knew wasn't angry with her.
"They're in shock," JJ answered honestly, even though Emily felt like she was toning down her real assessment. She's sweet,she thought. She wants to protect me. The thought of JJ acting out of affection for her made Emily's insides melt. It's because she's your friend, Emily. And she knows how difficult this is, plus the stress of the current situation with Declan…nothing more thanthat. Get a grip.
"Of course," she answered softly, biting her lip. She really wanted the rest of the team to understand the reasons behind the last seven months, but she could not even begin to express to JJ what her companionship meant to her at this moment. She stopped walking and turned to face JJ, looking straight into those familiar blue eyes. "Thank you," she said decisively. There weren't really any other words.
JJ tilted her head and smiled fondly at Emily. "It is really good to see you." Emily could feel the sincerity in JJ's eyes, hear it in her voice. She longed to reach out and touch JJ's face, to draw her close, and tell her how much she truly meant.
JJ seemed to read Emily's mind about the desire for contact, and moved toward her, sliding her arm around the older woman's waist. Emily put her arm around JJ's shoulder and pulled the blonde against her side as the two walked in step down the hall. She smiled down at JJ affectionately, reveling in the feeling of JJ's body settled against her own. For the next 50 feet to the roundtable room, Emily was caught up in a blissful world of the brief scent of JJ's shampoo (something vaguely floral and…was that vanilla?) and the curve of their bodies together (it's amazing how perfectly she fits right here). JJ's hair brushed against Emily's arm. Sosoft,so… the hairs on Emily's arm stood on end. Again, the brunette was embarrassed by the intensity of her reaction to the slightest contact with JJ. Slight contact? Her whole body is pressed against yours. You can practically feel the texture of her hair on your cheek. Emily's mind dwelled on the short distance from her mouth to the top of the blonde head. Allofthisin30secondsofphysicalcontact,she shook her head slightly in an effort to clear it, as seconds later they broke apart as they entered the conference room.
...
5 days later – the Hearing
The entire team sat before the hearing board, awaiting their fate. JJ looked toward the center of the long table, where Emily sat, her hands folded in front of her, staring the chairman square in the eye as he reprimanded them. Declan was safe, Doyle was dead, the team was back together…Emilyishome. JJ could hardly believe the whole thing. They can't disband this team, she thought. Not now, when Emily's come back to us, when we have the chance to be the whole team again.
"May I?" The sound of Emily's voice made JJ sit up in her chair. "This team neutralized 4 international criminals and save the life of a little boy." JJ tried to hide her smile. Emily's ability to go head to head with these bigwig bureaucrats while maintaining perfect political decorum was something that she had learnt growing up as a child of ambassadors. JJ recognized the tone in Emily's voice, that calm defiance that JJ loved.
"You started a war with Ian Doyle years ago that this team and the US government had to finish," the Chairman snapped. JJ saw Emily bite her lip. Anger rose inside JJ. Don't you dare make her feel guilty, after all that she's been through and done for this country. She wanted to stand up and yell at that stupid committee.
"The rest of you may go. Agent Prentiss," the Chairman said, looking down at her, "we are not done." JJ's heart sunk. Even if the team was allowed to stay, if they sent Emily away, it wouldn't matter. JJ could see the worry flash across Emily's face, but it quickly disappeared at the brunette drew herself up and stared back at the committee. As they left the room, JJ reached over and gave Em's shoulder a quick squeeze. You're going to be okay, she thought, willing Emily to hear her unspoken words.
...
Half an hour later, JJ and Hotch walked down the hall, seeing Rossi and Emily standing by Emily's picture on the wall honoring fallen agents. JJ smiled as they approached, hearing Penelope and Prentiss talk about Sergio.
"Oh he's a love, isn't he?" Emily smiled at Garcia.
"He takes after his mama," the technical analyst smiled back. At that moment Emily looked up and caught JJ's eye, who was beaming in agreement with Penelope's statement. I can't believe you're actually here, JJ could only smile at the beautiful brunette in front of her. Interrupting the moment, Chief Strauss marched by.
"We need to talk." The team followed her into the conference room, nervously awaiting the conclusion of the committee.
"The committee has made it clear that they will not support a rogue team." Strauss looked sternly around the room. "Agent Prentiss convinced them that you are not that."
JJ looked over at Emily. Of course she did. She could not contain her adoration of the woman before her. Strong, resilient, driven…Beautiful. The last word surprised JJ as she caught herself staring at Emily's mouth. Not quite sure what to make of her own thoughts, JJ returned her attention to Strauss.
"This team is lucky to have you…that is, if you're interested," Strauss directed the question at Emily, who seemed surprised to be having her old job offered to her. JJ closely watched Emily's face. Please say yes, oh God Em, please say yes!
"May I think about it?" JJ's heart sunk a little. She didn't think she could handle the anxiety of waiting for Prentiss to decide.
"I'm in." JJ looked up, startled. Then seeing the smile on her colleague's face, she laughed and shook her head. That woman…she's home! She's staying!
"Prentiss." Morgan's voice cut across the room, as he frowned at Emily. Not now Derek, JJ thought. Can't you tell she's been through enough today? "What exactly did you say to them?" His question came as a relief to JJ. And Emily smiled.
"I just told them that the only people who could've pulled off that mission walked out the door," she said. "And then I reminded them of what our job is." The team broke into laughter and a visible sense of relief overwhelmed them, as they stood in the conference room, hugging one another and mocking the committee. JJ couldn't keep her eyes off of Emily. God it is so good to see her again, JJ just rested in the sight of Emily Prentiss alive and well in front of her.
...
As Emily lay in bed in her hotel room that night, a million things went through her head. She worried over how working with the team was going to be – tonight was good, but they're still hurt, and probably angry too, she reminded herself. Especially Morgan.She couldn't quite assess Reid, but thought that he was probably more hurt than angry. Well, you knew this whoe process wasn't going to be easy. And time heals all wounds, right? The thought wasn't all that comforting, but she didn't quite see what else she could do. At least there's Penelope and JJ. JJ…Emily's mind wandered back to the look on the blonde's face upon seeing her for the first time. Every look, every brief touch, every word the two had exchanged that day was replayed in Emily's head. God she was even more perfect than I remembered, Emily thought of JJ's hand on her shoulder as she left the conference room. The thought of the younger woman's arm around Emily's waist sent her stomach fluttering. Emily, you've got to stop. She's your friend, she's wonderful, and you love her like a sister.Emily sighed and turned over in her bed, punching her fist into her pillow. All those thoughts and images and feelings that had overtaken her when she was near death…she didn't know what to make of them. What's so difficult to understand? You nearly died, and the whole time you were unconscious, it was JJ's face you saw. You love her. As a friend. It's more than that and you know it. Do I? Emily argued vehemently with herself. It's just not like that. It's not that kind of love, she thought decidedly to herself as she turned over again, still unable to get comfortable.
Then what was all that about in Paris? She stared up at the ceiling. It was true, once Emily had found out that JJ was to be her State Department contact, she had written her a letter, pages long about how while she was losing her life, all she could think of was JJ, of not seeing her, not being near her again. She had even written the words "I love you." But you weren't even sure of what you meant by that then, she reminded herself. That's why you didn't give it to her.Emily slammed her hands down onto the bed in frustration. Get a grip, Em. You've been through a lot, it's natural to feel affection towards your friends. Stop making a big deal out of this. Just be thankful you're back with the team. And she was. She was very much looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow, and getting back to work. Concentrate on that,she commanded herself, and turned onto her side, closing her eyes to go to sleep. And as she drifted off to sleep she was filled with happiness about Declan's safety and the BAU being back together, interspersed with visions of the perfect smile of a certain blonde agent and the memory of the faintest vanilla scent that Emily couldn't quite place.
…~~~….
