Chapter 19

It was getting close to 4pm. Charlie and Bryan would be on their way home. I was going to have dinner at five with the family. Deanna, Jaynie, Lacey, Kimberly, Irene and Sierra came over around noon to help me put up decorations. Deanna was dressed a dead bride. Jaynie was dressed as a pop star, and as always she had her hair in two different colors. This year was blonde and orange. Lacey and Irene were thing one and thing two and Kimberly was a pumpkin. As they finished up the orange and black streamers in the living room our door bell rang.

It was Dad, Mom, Justice, Jesse, and their significant others Tabitha and Patrick.

Mom and Dad didn't dress up. Which was a real shame I always loved their matching couple costumes. Justice was Spiderman, Tabby was Mary Jane. Jesse and Patrick wore suits but they had their faces painted to look like skeletons.

"Hi Harmione!" Mom shouted as she entered the house.

"Hey sweetie." Dad said and kissed the side of my head.

"What can we do to help?" Mom asked.

"We brought soda." Dad replied quietly.

"Oh um...just put it in the kitchen, and find a hiding spot Charlie will be home any minute."

I quickly ran into the bedroom to put on my costume. While I was gone Deanna's husband Rodney came in with Harvey. Rodney was a dead groom and Harvey was Captain America.

For my costume as well as Charlie's and Bryan's we each were going to be characters from the Wizard of Oz. I was Dorothy, Charlie was Scarcrow, and Bryan was The Lion. I got dressed as swiftly as I could and slipped on a pair of red pumps to match my outfit. My hair was still fairly short to put in pigtails so I just added a bow. I laid out Charlie and Bryan's costumes they could change into them once they got home.

Our door continued to open and close as Charlie's parents came in. They brought in tons of food and a few presents here and there.

"Okie everybody get down, and hide." I pleaded. I turned the lights off and went outside to tie a few balloons to our mailbox.

Charlie's truck pulled up near our driveway among the other cars. He got out and helped Bryan out of his carseat.

"Wow...we must be late Bryan, everyone is here." I heard him say. As Charlie put Bryan down he ran right to me.

"Mama, Mama!" He screamed.

"Hi baby!"

I picked him up and spun him round.

"You're getting heavy."

"Daddy taked me to the park, and I played in a ball pit, and went all the way down the monkey bars, and and Daddy gotted me this milkshake!"

"Oh I see..."

Charlie walked over to me smiling.

"You got him a milkshake?"

"Actually I got me one, he just drank the rest."

"You don't drink milkshakes unless your sugar...Charlie are you okay?"

"I'm fine..."

"Charlie..."

"Honest...it was just a little spell I'm alright."

I sighed and put Bryan down.

"Come on Bryan you ready to go put on your costume and go party?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah!"

"Let's go buddy!"

I followed behind them. As Charlie entered the house everyone jumped out and surprised him.

"Surprise, Happy Birthday Charlie!" They cried out. Charlie stood in the door and gasped.

"Oh my gosh!" He exclaimed. I smiled and walked in behind him, closing the door.

"That's your 4th surprise. "

"Aw...Har."

"Happy Birthday son." Ray spoke out.

"I can't believe my baby is 22." Dana said after and hugged Charlie. She then kissed him on the cheek and patted his chest.

"Best baby I ever had."

"I'm the only baby you ever had Mom."

"I know." She kissed his cheek again.

"Um...everyone, help yourself to the food, I'm gonna take Bryan and get him dressed." I announced.

As I put Bryan's costume on I heard Charlie enter our bathroom.

"Here...this arm goes through here Bry." I retorted as I tried to get him dressed. The moment he had that little lion suit on with that tail he roared and took off running to play with Harvey. I smiled and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Hey Charlie your costume is on the bed...everything okay?"

I opened the door and entered our bathroom. I then shut the door behind me.

"Charlie...what's going on?!"

He had his shirt off and was leaning on the counter.

"Babe...is it your sugar?"

"No...no I'm fine...its my stomach...and-"

He gently began to put his insulin pump on.

"Oh...ouch." He grunted and closed his eyes. His stomach was badly bruised from the needles. He put his pump down and rubbed his stomach.

"Oh...its really sore it hurts so bad."

"You want me to put it in, I can be gentle."

"Yeah...please."

I smiled and got on my knees near his stomach. I gently pinched his abs and began to insert the needle.

"Ready?"

"Yeah just go...stick me."

I quickly punched the needle in and held his pump there. Charlie grunted furiously. I then held his waist and kissed him near his belly button.

"Okay...thanks Har...I guess it was just my nerves...I'm so sore I didn't want to inject it myself.

"That's okay honey, that's what I'm here for." I said as I got to my feet.

Charlie began putting away his other medicines in the medicine cabinet. I frowned shyly. Charlie noticed my sad expression in my reflection in the mirror.

"Everything okay?" He asked with a smile.

"What happened at lunch today to make you buy that milkshake?"

"Har...come on I already told you-"

"Charlie..."

"My sugar just had a free fall it's alright... I got it taken care of...no big deal."

"Charlie...remember what I said in the bath this morning?"

"Yeah."

"I don't want to lose you Charlie."

"I'm standing right here babe."

"Charlie please be serious."

"I am being serious."

"Charlie, I've fought aliens and that's not what scares me... what scares me is me trying to fight an illness I can't even see, I won't be the wife with that story that I lost you to diabetes futher down the road I won't do it Charlie!"

"Hey...hey..."

Charlie wrapped his arms around me.

"This is my illness, my body...I've lived in it 22 years now I know what to do when my sugar gets out of control. I've been doing that for years Harmione...and you won't have that story I promise you...we'll die together me and you, old grey, and just stuck in wheelchairs or something alright."

I looked into his eyes.

"What about what happened today...what if that happens more often and I'm not there."

"Har...babe please listen...I took care of it... you don't always have to be everyone's strength...you don't have to be the hero all the time Harmione...It was a minor attack I had at lunch...I felt it coming on and I quickly did something about it...it wasn't the first time and it won't be the last time...but you aren't going to lose me Harmione I promise you."

"But your stomach is so sore and-" I began to tear up.

"So it's sore...I'll live...don't you start crying on my birthday."

I led out a small laugh and he wiped my tears away.

"Go enjoy this party you put together for me...I'll put on my costume and meet you out there."

He kissed my forehead.

"Get going Dorothy."

I laughed and left the bathroom. As we ate I watch Dad play in the floor with Bryan and Harvey.

"Okay, your turn Bryan!" He exclaimed. Dad laid out flat on the floor and held Bryan up as if he was flying.

"Super Lion!" Dad grunted out as he held Bryan up.

Bryan giggled. Harvey pushed on Dad's shoulder.

"Me again Ben, me again, move Bryan it's my turn!" Harvey yelled.

"Now...now Harvey take it easy, he's smaller than you."

I just smiled. Dad loved being around smaller kids more than I did. Dad lost his childhood. He never truly got to be a kid. Seeing him play and interact with the boys was like he was given a second chance. Dad was a big kid anyway. Me and the girls made an assortment of food, but Charlie's mom cooked a couple of things just for Charlie. Some of Charlie's favorites. As we sat there eating, I told everyone we'd have a costume contest.

"Sounds great...Ben and I would have dressed up but we've both been pretty tired lately." Mom replied.

"That's okay Mom. You can help judge the contest."

Mom smiled and sipped her punch. About that time Dana came out with a chocolate cake with 22 candles on top.

"Ben get over here we're going to sing Happy Birthday!" Mom shouted at Dad.

"Alright come on boys let's go." Dad got up off the floor. He held Bryan in his arms.

We began to sing to Charlie. I wrapped my arm around his at the table and smiled at him.

"Happy Birthday dear Charlie. Happy Birthday to you!"

"To youuuuu!" His dad sang out and did a drum roll on the table. Charlie blew out the candles and everyone clapped. The candles began to relight.

"Oh Ray, you bought those trick candles!"

"Sorry Dana I wasn't paying attention to the box."

Charlie and I contiued to blow on them as his mom took them off the cake and onto a plate.

"I'm gonna put these in the sink." Dana mumbled to herself.

"Happy Burfday Daddy!" Bryan screamed over us. We all laughed.

"Thank you son."

"Can I have a piece?" Harvey pleaded and grabbed his mom's hand.

"Not yet Harvey...Charlie gets the first piece it's his birthday not yours." Deanna explained.

"Aww Mom but I want a piece."

"You'll get one I promise son!"

Dana brought back a knife to cut the cake with. She began to take charge of my party but I didn't mind, Charlie was her son.

"Charlie...you want this piece?"

"That's fine."

His mom smiled as she cut the cake. We began just passing plates with cake on them around to make sure everyone got a piece. We then distributed the ice cream. I smiled as Dad sat with Bryan in the kitchen eating theirs.

"Good huh?" Dad asked him.

"Grampa?"

"What's up little man?"

"Can I have some of your ice cream?"

"Okay just a bit...but don't tell your Mommy."

I just shook my head in disbelief. Dad treated Bryan more like his son then I was his daughter. I mean he let Bryan get by with stuff, me, Justice, and Jesse never got away with. He spoiled Bryan rotten. Charlie cut his cake in half and ate a bite of it. I just smiled and contiued to eat my cake.

Suddenly we were all startled by the sound of Charlie's pump beeping.

"Charlie..." Dana began to say something.

"It's fine...my battery must be low...carry on without me okay...I'll be right back." Charlie assured us and left the table. I followed him. We entered the bathroom and he began to pull off the top to his costume.

"Is it the battery or your sugar Charlie?"

"I just need to refill my insulin and change the infusion set... I'm really alright Har..."

"Charlie...I wanted this day to be stress free for us because we've had it so rough...and I...I don't know if it's going so well...I'm trying to-"

"Har...this has been the most stress free day I've had in a long time."

He smiled at me as he fixed his pump.

"The absolute best."

He then re-injected the needle into his stomach. He grunted and stood still for a minute.

"I want you to stop stressing now...lighten up...relax."

Charlie put his shirt down and took out his meter.

"I...I want to relax but I...I don't know if I can Char..."

He pricked his finger and turned to me.

"Is it that serious...you really can't relax Har?"

"I've tried Charlie...I thought this party...this day would change all that but everytime I look at you or Bryan I just can't help but to cry..."

I began to tear up and sniffle.

"Well look here."

I looked at his meter.

"See...my sugar's stable...maybe a little high cause of that cake but it's fine."

I just broke down and cried.

"Harmione!"

"I'm sorry I can't help it..."

"It's okay...what's going on Harmione; since the beach, and your new internship and then Bryan's seizure you've been really upset..."

"You have too...your sugar...your job...Bryan...me..."

"What about you...Honey, I've been stressed but that has nothing to do with you."

"Charlie I'm so sorry." I sobbed.

"Stop it...you don't have to apologize for being so upset...talk to me Harmione...really babe."

"I...the truth is Charlie for the past few weeks after you and Bryan go to bed..."

"Yeah?"

"I cry every night. I know I sell myself short and hardly ever say anything about me. I know I said that things will be better and you've always said whatever happens isn't my fault. I know I've cried to you leaving you wondering well gosh what did I do I know you must think wow her depression is all she's about these days. Or she must think so badly of herself she wants to do away with herself. I cry and stress over a lot of stuff for lot of different reasons. When I cry to you or about you it's not even something that would make a person sad. I cry thinking about how to describe the pure happiness I feel when I'm talking to you or about you. You don't understand the amount of love and fondness I have in my heart. The joy and utter peace and meaning you give to my life. To know that I could loose you at any given time. Even by my own hand and wrong doings. To know I truly believe you're all I've got and can't explain just how much I love you and how incredibly lucky I really am. How grateful, to have you in my life. To know it could be taken away from me just like that. It hurts my feelings so bad. I feel like I have been selfish these many years. But the one thing I have never ever lost sight of was just how much I love you and just how much I want to take care of you and keep you with me. Always. My life has been crap sometimes but I've had it way better than most. It's just I'm blind sometimes. I don't live in the moment. I don't live in the present. I cling to the past, and want to hide from the future."

Charlie just stared at me as I sobbed and spoke my feelings.

"I feel so angry and upset almost all the time that I've forced a life on you that may end your life quicker."

"Hey no...no one forced me to be with you. No one forced me to stay here. No one is twisting my arm to be here Har."

"I know...but I'm just so worried and so scared!"

He took me in his arms.

"Come here..."

We slowly sat down on the bathroom rug. He held me in his arms. I covered my face with my hands and cried into them.

"I'm so sorry Har...I'm sorry you feel this way...but I can try to get you some help...professional...maybe talking to someone about this may help you...I can't open your mind and tell you just how much I love you and not to worry...but maybe someone else can...but what you need to understand right here, right now is that you are it Har. You are my life. You and Bryan... And there is nothing in this world so bad that's gonna tear that apart."

He began to cuddle me and rock me back and forth.

"Please stop crying Harmione...please I love you so much."

He kissed the side of my head. I only cried more.

"Babe..."

Charlie put his face close to my cheek and nuzzled me.

"It's gonna be okay..."

"Charlie..."

"What?"

"Please don't let go..."

That was all I could say. He sighed heavily and I felt him adjust his grip on me and held me tighter.