Chapter 22
December 2017
British High Commission
Freetown
Sierra Leone
"For fuck's sake," I groaned as I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling in my room at the High Commission.
It had been two days since I had returned from the Western Province with Dawes intact. After a shower, some scoff, and a medical exam, I had spent most of my time in debriefs. Now, I was left to my own devices with nothing more to do than twiddle my thumbs for the next eight hours until we boarded a flight back to the U.K.
Normally, I would have no problem unwinding under these circumstances and getting some kip. Yet, sleep remained elusive, even after a gruelling run outdoors. I'd also attempted checking my investment portfolio on my iPad, catching up on Regimental e-mail, and reading a book, but had found it difficult to concentrate, which was also out of character for me. I suspected that what I really needed was a single malt scotch whiskey and a shag. Unfortunately, neither of those were on offer.
Then there was Dawes… For some inexplicable reason, my mind was consumed with her. It was like she was a bad penny. Every time I forced her out of my head, she somehow found her way back in.
Dawes had been a job, nothing more, nothing less. Yet, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I found myself wondering how she was coping with everything that had occurred. In a moment of sheer lunacy, I had even contemplated stopping by the hospital to visit her.
Instead, I'd made discreet inquiries and had learned that Dawes was doing well. While she was certainly bruised and battered, there appeared to be no lasting internal damage. Most of her wounds were superficial in nature. With the exception of a few cigarette burns on her arms, Dawes would be left with minimal scaring. The mental toll remained to be seen.
While Dawes had impressed me with her grit and determination, I wondered how she would cope with the hand she'd been dealt. Even though Dawes had tried her best to hide it, there had been a certain fragility about her. I suspected it would be a long time before she allowed herself to be vulnerable again. While Dawes had never mentioned James, I could sense, from the wall she'd erected around herself, that she'd clearly loved the prick, and that he'd hurt her deeply.
As much as I prided myself in never getting emotionally involved, and never allowing my personal feelings to interfere with my work, there had been a moment when I had carried her across the river, that having her in my arms felt right. It had alarmed me for split second until I'd realised it was nothing more than pity on my part.
-X-
An hour later, I was still staring up at the ceiling as sleep continued to elude me. I contemplated seeing if Spanner and Peanut were awake, but decided against it. They'd worked equally as hard in rescuing Dawes and deserved their sleep. It wasn't their fault their boss seemed to be a bit off his trolley at the moment because of a short arsed…
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a knock at my door.
"What now?" I scowled as I climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of combats and a t-shirt.
"This had better be good," I muttered as I opened the door to find myself face-to-face with Dawes.
-X-
"What the fuck are you doing here, Dawes?" I demanded as I tried not to take in the fact that she was wearing a white vest top and black short-shorts that barely covered her arse.
"I, um," she licked her split lip uncomfortably.
"You'd better get inside before someone sees you," I gently grabbed the uninjured portion of her left arm and propelled her into my room, before closing the door behind me. "Sit," I motioned to the empty chair by the window, and then proceeded to move as far away from her as possible. Dawes showing up at my door dressed in next to nothing was bang out of order. Not to mention the erection I felt in my trousers.
"Care to tell me what all of this is about Dawes?" I demanded in frustration as I tried to ignore the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra underneath her vest and that I could clearly see the outline of her nipples.
"I-I wanted to thank you," she whispered.
"I think you'll find that there is no need to thank me, Dawesey," I objected. "I was merely doing my job."
"I know, but you saved my life, Bones," Dawes stood up from her chair and started walking towards me. "If it wasn't for you, I would be…"
"Stop," I ordered.
"Don't you realise how grateful I am to you Bones," Dawes implored "I had honestly given up all hope of making it out of there alive, and suddenly you appeared like a white knight out of a fairy tale."
"I'm no Prince Charming, Dawes," I rolled my eyes.
"H-how can you say that? I owe you my bloody life." She argued. "I know you don't want me to thank you, but there has to be a way for me to show you how much what you did means to me."
"It was just a job, Dawes, nothing more, nothing less," I countered right as Dawes reached for the hem of her vest and started pulling it upward.
"What the fuck are you doing, Dawes?" I reached for her top before she exposed her breasts and yanked it back down.
"If you won't let me tell you how grateful I am, at least let me show you," she pleaded.
"You don't owe me a damn thing, Dawes. You were merely a job. One that is over. Even if I was on the pull right now, I'm sorry to tell you, but it wouldn't be with you. You're not my type, Dawes," I stated in a harsh tone as I watched her face burn with embarrassment. "So, let's do ourselves a favour and pretend none of this ever happened. The important thing is that you are safe and tomorrow you will be back in Brum where you can forget any of this ever happened. Now, I would appreciate it if you could please return to your room, Dawes," I ordered, before I carefully grabbed her arm again and marched her out of my room.
-X-
"Fucking hell!" I gritted my teeth in frustration as I stood in the shower, letting the ice-cold water cascade over my body.
Under normal circumstances I would have questioned what possessed Dawes to pull such a stunt. Yet, these were far from normal circumstances. While I was by no means an expert when it came to female emotions, even a fucktard like me knew that James had left Dawes in tatters. Her kidnapping certainly hadn't helped matters. Was it any wonder she appeared to have a touch of unhealthy hero worship where I was concerned? Knowing my reputation, she likely thought that I was the perfect person to lick her wounds. It was the only explanation that made sense.
After three days in the jungle with Dawes, I knew that she was not an overly reckless person. I also knew from the manner in which she conducted herself, that she was the antithesis of Lane and wasn't about risk her career without good reason.
While I was by no means a gentleman, I recognized the situation for what it was and set it right. As much as I wouldn't have minded getting a leg over Dawes, she was in no condition for a one-off. I wasn't about to take advantage of her when she was clearly at sixes and sevens emotionally.
Then there were her injuries, how she thought she could enjoy having sex with me, when she was covered in bruises was beyond me.
In the end, I'd had no other choice but to be cruel to be kind. It was the only way that I could ensure that I did not cause her any lasting damage. A woman like Dawes, didn't deserve a meaningless fuck from a cold bastard like me. I hoped that for Dawes's sake she would ultimately realise the wisdom behind my actions and forget this entire mess. If only, I could say the same for myself…
March 2018
Stirling Lines
Credenhill
United Kingdom
"Sir," I stood at attention in front of my commanding officer, Colonel Morgan, after being summoned to his office.
"As you were, Bones. Moments ago, I received orders from Whitehall that you have been requested for a black op. You will be flown to RAF Northolt by helicopter where you will receive further instruction. You leave in thirty minutes."
"And my team, Sir?" I noticed there was no mention of Peanut or Spanner.
"Only you were requested, McClyde. I'm afraid I have no further details."
"Understood, Sir." I replied. Perhaps a black op was exactly what I needed to rid my head of a certain someone who had recently become an unhealthy obsession.
-X-
RAF Northolt
Ruislip
United Kingdom
Upon arriving at RAF Northolt, I was immediately escorted into a hanger, where to my surprise, I was met by Lieutenant General James who was dressed in civilian clothes.
"Sir," I saluted my long-time mentor.
"Bones," Lieutenant General James returned my salute before placing a hand on my shoulder. "It's good to see you. Come," he motioned to a vacant room, "There is much we need to discuss.
-X-
"Last November, 2 Section was deployed to Bangladesh, as part of a humanitarian mission being performed on behalf of the EU. As a result of the actions Myanmar has undertaken against its Rohingya population, many have escaped to Bangladesh. There are currently 1.1 million Rohingya refugees in Bangladesh. For the past four months, 2 Section has been based at the Kutupalong Refugee Camp, which is located in the southern tip of Bangladesh near the Myanmar border. There are approximately 600,000 refugees living in 13 square kilometres," Lieutenant General James explained, as I wondered at the relevancy of this information. "This morning at, at 11:00 Zulu, 2 Section went missing, and all communications with them have been lost."
"Is a search underway?"
"Yes, but it has turned up nothing thus far."
"That's unfortunate, Sir."
"Bones, you should know that you are among the select few that I trust completely. It is for this reason that I am afraid I must once again rely on your skill and discretion," Lieutenant General James revealed, leaving me to wonder just how badly his dickhead son had cocked up once again.
-X-
"Charles is unwell," Lieutenant General James confessed moments later.
"Unwell?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise.
"I have reason to suspect he has PTSD. After Harte died, Molly began to notice changes in Charles. I attributed them to his accident in Belize, but Molly insisted that there was more to it than that. It wasn't long before she suspected that he was suffering from PTSD. I'm afraid the thought that Charles might have PTSD seemed impossible to me. Yet, Molly persisted with her belief that he had PTSD. I'm afraid my wife and I did not believe her," Lieutenant General James explained.
"What changed your mind, Sir?"
"It was only when Charles jilted Molly on their wedding day that my wife and I realised that Molly might, in fact, be right."
"Perhaps he had cold feet?" I suggested, not entirely convinced that Lieutenant General James wasn't just feeding me some cock and bull story to excuse his son's behaviour.
"I'm afraid it was more than merely cold feet. He left the UK on the morning of his wedding to fly to Bangladesh with 2 Section. No one in our family his heard from him since. He does not answer his mobile, nor does he answer our text messages or e-mails. Even his ten-year-old son and ex-wife have not heard from him. If it wasn't for the weekly reports he submits to his C.O., one would think he had vanished," Lieutenant General James confided. "Which is why I have every reason to suspect that 2 Section's disappearance is somehow linked to Charles's PTSD."
-X-
Ten hours later, Lieutenant General James and I were well en route to Cox's Bazar Airport in Bangladesh. Accompanying us, were Colonel Rodger Beck, the arsemonger's former C.O., who appeared to be an arselicker extraordinaire where Lieutenant General James was concerned, Beck's nephew Jackson from the SFSG, or Special Forces Support Group, and another bloke from the SFSG who called himself Blue.
I'd spent most of the flight reviewing numerous maps of the terrain and brainstorming the various scenarios leading to 2 Section's disappearance. My gut instinct was that Lane was somehow behind 2 Section's latest escapade and that the arsemonger had eagerly fallen arse over tit into her mess.
However, I wasn't about to share my theory with Lieutenant General James or the others. I was smart enough to know that if this op went all Pete Tong on us, it would be me taking the fall and not Lieutenant General James or Colonel Beck. If I had any hope of not being made redundant, I needed to keep my suspicions to myself.
There was also the arsemonger's alleged PTSD. Was it real, or was this a ploy on Lieutenant General James's behalf to save both his own skin and that of his son's? Only time would tell.
-X-
Naf River
Southeastern Bangladesh
"Bloody hell, mate!" Blue slapped me on the back. "You we dead on!" We had just rescued four members of 2 Section who had washed up on the river bank after jumping off of a steep cliff into the Naf River. The river was located on the border between Bangladesh and Myanmar and ranged from 40m to 120m deep. It seemed that my suspicions had been correct and that Lane had gotten 2 Section embroiled into a mess with a local drug, prostitution and human trafficking ring.
"Call it a gut instinct," I murmured as we cruised along the riverbank. In reality it hadn't been a gut instinct at all, I had merely brainstormed the most convoluted scenario feasible and had insisted we start there.
"Look there," Jackson pointed, "I think that's the primary," he indicated as I looked out my binoculars. Sure enough, it was James.
"Bagsy," I declared to Blue and Jackson. James was mine. I wasn't about to let the fucker slip through my fingers.
-X-
"James!" I yelled as I waded out of the water and onto the sandy river bank. James was slumped against a large rock with his eyes closed. He had a large cut above his right eye and his uniform was torn in multiple places. While he appeared unconscious, he must have been conscious at some point for him to be in his current position.
"James!" I pressed my finger against his neck and found a steady pulse. I then shook his shoulder in an attempt to rouse him.
"B-bones?" James's eyes suddenly opened and he stared back at me in confusion.
"Yes, it's yours truly."
"What are you doing here?" James appeared muddled.
"I'm here to save your sorry arse. Daddy's orders."
"Save me?" he gazed at me in puzzlement.
"Why else do you think I am standing here on a river bank in the middle of bloody Bangladesh?"
"No, no, no…" James shook his head in denial, causing me to wonder if he had a concussion from the gash above his forehead, or if perhaps his father hadn't been trying to hoodwink me and he was truly suffering from some type of mental breakdown triggered by PTSD. "We cannot be in Bangladesh."
"I'm afraid we are," I confirmed, as I visually assessed James's condition in more detail.
"You're wrong!" James shouted before he attempted to raise himself upright with unsteady movements. "Bangladesh was a mistake. Lane was a mistake. Everything was one big fucking mistake. The cliff was supposed to stop it," he rambled.
"Stop what?"
"Stop me from leaving everything I touch in bloody shambles. Just ask Elvis, Lane, Molly, Sam, Rebecca, and my family. Haven't I destroyed enough lives? When Lane suggested we jump, suddenly everything became clear. Jumping was supposed be my out."
"Way out from what?"
"Fuck you, Bones! You don't know what it is like to be eaten away by never ending guilt day after day. To feel utterly worthless and to know that the only thing you are capable of doing is taking down anyone associated with you."
"I know losing Harte was a terrible blow to you, James, but he wouldn't want to see you torture yourself like this. While there is certainly no love lost between us, I know for a fact that your father loves you and he came here to Bangladesh to find you."
"Bollocks!" James objected. "I am nothing but a failure and embarrassment to him."
"You're not. Do you see that boat out there?" I pointed to the Rigid Raider where Blue and Jackson were waiting. "If you let me help you to it, I can take you to your father. I know that he wants nothing more than to see you right now."
"I told you he's not here!"
"Why would I lie to you?" I challenged, as I started to calculate how I was going to get James out of here in his current state.
"I saw her."
"Who?"
"Molly. I swore to her in Afghan that she would be the last thing I saw before I died," James confessed as I felt my stomach churn with anger. How dare he bring Dawes into this.
"Molly's not here," I stated tersely.
"I saw her as I was jumping off the cliff. That's when I knew I was finally dead and that everything with Lane had been a meaningless aberration. It's been Molly all along. Lane was a mistake, but I was too fucked in the head to realise it."
"How can you be dead if I am standing in front of you?" I challenged.
"Easy. I'm in hell where I belong, and you've been sent here to torture me."
"I hate to break it to you James, but you are very much alive, and we are about to leave this godforsaken river bank and get you back to civilization where you can see your dad and get the help you so desperately need," I declared before reaching for his arm to lead him away from the rock.
"No!" James protested, before becoming very agitated and trying to pull himself away from me.
"I'm here to help you, James. I can have you with your dad within the next fifteen minutes," I promised in an attempt to calm him.
"No. You're fucking lying, Bones!" James shouted before launching himself at me in a crazed frenzy.
"Stop it, James," I ordered as I tried to subdue my out-of-control nemesis. While I would have liked nothing more than to punch him up the bracket, I respected the fact that he was clearly experiencing a mental breakdown and that it would be grossly inappropriate of me to take advantage of him in this state. For this reason, I found myself doing my best to avoid his blows and to subdue him before he hurt himself further.
Just when I finally thought I had subdued him, James gave me one last shove and I found myself awkwardly slamming into the rock followed by a loud pop and excruciating pain in my knee….
-X-
March 2018
Queen Elizabeth Hospital Birmingham
Royal Centre for Defence Medicine
Edgabaston, Birmingham
United Kingdom
"Sleeping Beauty has finally awoken," I slowly opened my eyes through a haze of to find my best mate staring at me.
"Jack?" I took in my surroundings and quickly surmised that I was in hospital and that Jack was seated beside my bed.
"You're at the RCDM in Brum, mate," Jack explained as he gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Colonel Morgan telephoned me this morning and informed me that you had torn your ACL and were undergoing surgery. Apparently, you have me listed as your next of kin."
"Fucking hell," I closed my eyes, as the past twenty-four hours came back to me.
"Major Richards, your surgeon, said you came through the surgery brilliantly. You'll obviously need to rehab it at Headley Court, but Major Richards thinks you'll be right as rain and back to full duties in The Regiment within a year. Now, we had best page your nurse, as I know she and Major Richards wanted to see you as soon as you had awoken."
-X-
The following morning, I was sitting up in my hospital bed staring down at what literally resembled a dog's breakfast, when Jack sauntered in.
"I thought you would have pissed off by now and legged it back to London?" I raised an eyebrow at my best mate.
"I'm afraid you're stuck with me for the foreseeable future."
"I'm sure you have more pressing things to do with your time than spend them here," I grumbled.
"Someone needs to make sure you mind your p's and q's," Jack chuckled before setting a bottle of green juice on my tray followed by a takeaway box.
"What's this?" I eyed my friend suspiciously.
"I seem to recall from the month I spent here previously, that the food was far from Michelin Star quality," Jack motioned to my breakfast tray. "I thought you might prefer something a little more pleasing to your palette."
"Thanks, mate."
"How are you feeling this morning?" Jack inquired as he set my breakfast tray aside.
"Hunky-dory," I offered sarcastically.
"I stopped by your gaff last night in Hereford and brought you some things. How about after Breakfast we see about getting you sorted?" Jack offered. It was clear I wasn't about to get rid of him any time soon.
-X-
Two hours later, I had showered, changed into a t-shirt and athletic shorts and now was seated in a recliner next to Jack.
"I don't recall there being this many minging nurses when I was last here," Jack observed after my nurse departed the room. "Perhaps your reputation precedes you?"
"Very funny," I rolled my eyes.
"Care to tell me how you found yourself here?" Jack inquired. "Colonel Morgan, mentioned some bollocks about a training exercise, but we both know that is a load of cobblers.
"You know I cannot talk about it."
"Well how about I fill in the blanks? Seventy-two hours ago, a non-government issued G5, left RAF Northolt and landed at Cox's Bazar Airport in Bangladesh near the Myanmar border. Within 6 hours of the plane's arrival, several members of 2 Section were admitted to Cox's Bazar Sadar Hospital. Corporal Lane's parents are currently on a BA flight en route to Dhaka. Captain James has been placed on medical leave, and Lieutenant General James has been called away from Whitehall on urgent business. The same G5 that was last seen in Cox's Bazar landed at BHX three hours prior to you going under the knife for ACL reconstruction."
"I see you're still knee-deep in Green slime." Leave it to Jack to ferret out the latest imbroglio Lieutenant General James had dropped me into.
"So, what did the knobhead do this time to have you go gallivanting off to Bangladesh?"
"The usual," I shrugged.
"And your torn ACL?" Jack knew I being deliberately evasive.
"It's best to let sleeping dogs lie," Even though Jack was my best mate, and despised James as much as I did, it didn't feel right to share what had happened on the river bank. It was clear to me now that James had lost the plot, and out of respect for others I had known with PTSD over the years, it did not seem appropriate to reveal his mental state to Jack.
"James?" he speculated.
"Yes, but that's all I am going to say on the matter."
"Right," Jack nodded in agreement. "Now, onto other matters. Would you care to tell me why I am your next of kin?"
"It's convenient."
"Convenient? Do you think I have a death wish? Your mum nearly had my guts for garters when I telephoned her this morning," Jack looked at me with exasperation.
"You phoned my mum?" I frowned at this news.
"Of course, I did you, prannet!" Jack shook his head in annoyance. "I assumed you wouldn't want her mucking about here yesterday, but calling her this morning was the least I could do under the circumstances."
"Bloody hell," I muttered. The whole point in making Jack my next of kin was to avoid causing my mum undue worry and stress. I still remembered how devasted she had been when she had received the news about Uncle Robbie all those years ago.
"I promised her that you would phone her this afternoon. I also assured her that I had things well in hand. However, you should expect a visit from her tomorrow."
"Would it have killed you to keep mum?" I sighed in irritation.
"You seem to forget that Victoria is like a second mum to me," Jack reminded. Jack's mum had passed away from ovarian cancer shortly before he had started Gordonstoun. Once we had become thick as thieves, Jack had essentially spent almost all of his school holidays with us in Winchcombe. Mum, being mum, had taken Jack under her wing, and had been a surrogate mum to him. She had also been the one to offer him her unwavering support when he had told his father he was gay. While Jack now had a strong relationship with his father, it had taken his father several years to accept that his youngest son was gay. It was only after Jack had been injured in Iraq, that his father had come to his senses and accepted his son for who he was.
"Besides, I cannot have her angry with me. Not, when I know that she's likely thrown Suzanne out of the kitchen and is making you a tin of empire biscuits as we speak," Jack chuckled.
"What makes you think I am going to share them with a muppet like you," I grumbled.
"And here I was, about to piss off to see about procuring you a slap-up meal for lunch," Jack mocked.
"Fine, you can have some of my biscuits," I rolled my eyes at Jack, knowing full well he had bested me.
-X-
The following afternoon I had just finished a gruelling physio session when Jack escorted my mum and dad into my room. Mum being Mum, fussed like a mother hen. Jack was chuffed when Mum presented me with a large tin of homemade empire biscuits and an additional tin for him.
After an hour of Mum's interminable fussing, Jack offered to take my mum to the hospital canteen for a cuppa, leaving me with just my dad for company.
"Honestly, Bones, how are you?" my dad questioned, once Mum and Jack had departed.
"A bit zonked and in a fair bit of pain, but nothing I cannot handle," I admitted.
"And your care? Is the Army taking good care of you?"
"The care here is top notch."
"Good," my dad nodded. "Jack mentioned something about a training accident, but your mum and I assumed it wasn't. While I know I cannot ask you about it, I hope that everything was well in hand and that you were made as comfortable as possible during your journey here."
"I was," Fortunately Lieutenant General James had ensured that I was flown out of Bangladesh under the care of high calibre medical team.
"I know that you have an arduous recovery ahead of you, but please know that your mum and I are here for you.
"I know," I nodded. While I loved and respected my dad, we were not ones to engage in deep conversations.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Actually there, is…" Perhaps I could take advantage of my dad's being here to help me answer the one question that had been nagging me since I had woken up from surgery two days prior.
-X-
"Here's your water, Bones," my dad re-entered my room ten minutes later with a fresh glass of water. "As to the favour you requested, it was actually quite easy," my father looked very satisfied with himself.
"And?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"According to Staff Nurse Dawes's C.O., Dawes is currently stationed in Sri Lanka."
"What?" I choked out. What the fuck was Dawes doing on another deployment so soon after Sierra Leone?
"She volunteered to join a humanitarian mission to support local medical needs due to recent catastrophic flooding."
"For fuck's sake," I raked a frustrated hand through my hair. The last thing I needed, while being stuck in this godforsaken hospital, was to worry about Dawes.
"Is everything all right, Bones?" my dad looked at me with concern.
"Yes," I murmured as I tried to contain my emotions.
"This, um, Nurse Dawes, is she…"
"She's no one," I interrupted.
"Right," my dad gave an awkward nod. It was obvious he did not believe me.
"I would appreciate if you did not mention this to anyone, especially Mum," I added.
"Of course," he assured, right as my mum and Jack returned. There was no one in hell I was about to explain how Dawes had me tied up in knots and how I had developed an extremely unhealthy obsession where she was concerned.
-X-
Later that night I found myself awake in my hospital bed contemplating what had possessed Dawes to go to Sri Lanka. She needed calm and order, not the chaos and uncertainty. I also couldn't believe that her C.O. had approved such a mission after what had happened to Dawes in Sierra Leone.
The only plausible explanation I could think of was that Dawes felt that the only way to heal from the trauma she had endured was to get on with things. Hadn't that been how she'd ended up in Sierra Leone in the first place?
While I admired Dawes for her grit and determination, I also found myself worried that this was too soon. I hated the idea that Dawes might come to more harm. A woman like her deserved to thrive and move forward.
Then there was James. He'd certainly lost the plot in a big way. PTSD was a tricky thing and I was by no means an expert. The scene on the river bank had been unpleasant. While I'd dealt with worse in my line of work, it had been disconcerting to see my nemesis in such a broken state of mind. While I had been unconvinced at first, it quickly become evident that James was not faking it, and was truly in the midst of a mental breakdown.
I found myself going back to James's ramblings on the river bank and wondering what if any of them had been true. Had he betrayed Dawes because of Lane? Had he promised Dawes that she would be the last thing he would see before he died? Had it taken hitting rock bottom for him to finally realise that everything he'd once held dear had been left in shambles?
I hoped that for Dawes's sake, Lieutenant General James handled the fall-out from this latest incident involving James and Lane with discretion and care. I would hate to see their latest actions somehow be linked to Dawes. She'd been through enough. She didn't need to beleaguered by additional gossip that her finance had jilted her for his medic, or that her ex-finance had nearly gotten his entire Section killed as a result of Lane and his PTSD.
I was also certain that I hadn't heard the last of this incident. It was only a matter of time before it caught up with me. The one thing I knew for certain, was that after what Dawes had experienced at the hands of James, someone needed to project her, and right or wrong, that someone was me.
-X-
The following afternoon, Jack and I were watching a Premiership Rugby match between Bristol and Exeter on the telly when Lieutenant General James entered my hospital room.
"Sir," Jack immediately stood at attention and saluted James.
"As you were, Sinclair," Edward returned his salute.
"Sir," I sat up as best I could from my hospital bed and saluted.
"I hope you don't mind, my dropping by, McClyde? I am here visiting an old friend who is recovering from heart surgery. Having heard about your injury, I wanted to see for myself that all was in order."
"Thank you, Sir. I have been receiving excellent care and will be transferred to Headley Court tomorrow."
"Very good," Lieutenant General James nodded before turning to Jack. "Major Sinclair, I was a hoping to have a word with Captain McClyde in private if it is not too much of an inconvenience."
"Not at all, Sir," Jack agreed, before exiting the room to give us privacy.
"How are you, Bones?" Lieutenant General James seated himself next to me.
"Fair to middling, all things considered, Sir," I responded honestly.
"Right. I spoke to Major Richards, and he assured me that you will make a full recovery."
"I appreciate that, Sir," I couldn't help but wonder as to Lieutenant General James's true motivations. While I believed his interest in my welfare to be genuine, it did not warrant a special trip to Brum to see me. Especially, given his son's condition.
"I also wanted convey my gratitude, for the invaluable assistance you provided last week."
"I was merely doing my job, Sir," I shrugged. While I was sick and tired of being Lieutenant General James's dogsbody when it came to his shithead of a son, I wasn't about to reveal it.
"One that should not have resulted in you being injured," Lieutenant General James interjected.
"It comes with the job, Sir."
"Still, it's unfortunate that you were injured. I know that Charles, when he is himself once again, will feel badly about what transpired."
"I do not require your son's empathy, Sir."
"I know," Lieutenant General James stood up and walked towards the window. "May I be candid with you, Bones?"
"You may, Sir," I welcomed, hoping that he would finally get down to brass tacks.
"This past week has been the most difficult of my career. I found myself having to be a Father first and a Lieutenant General second. With that came certain decisions. Decisions that some may question. Yet, the risk of collateral damage more than justifies those decisions," Lieutenant General James paused for a moment in front of the window, before turning to face me. "As, you know, Charles is unwell, and was quite unstable when you found him on the river bank. He was severely concussed, and that combined, with his mental state, clouded his judgment."
"If this is about my injury, Sir," I interjected.
"I'm afraid Charles may have been indiscreet during the rescue process."
"He was confused, Sir, which I attributed to his condition."
"And during this state of confusion did he make careless assertions?" Lieutenant General James questioned.
"He was confused about his whereabouts, Sir, which was understandable given his concussion. In all honesty, he was barely lucid, Sir." There was no one in hell I was about to reveal what had really transpired. Not when it could potentially be used as a weapon against me or be used to ultimately hurt Dawes. It was better to let James think that his son hadn't mentioned the sordid mess he'd created for himself.
"Thank you for clarifying that point," Lieutenant General James nodded. "Now I am afraid, I must be getting back to home to Bath. Keep your chin up, Bones. I know you will do outstanding with your rehabilitation and will be back with The Regiment in no time," he reassured.
-X-
August 2018
Whitehorn House
Selkirk
Scottish Borders
United Kingdom
"That was some bloody good fishing today," Jack observed as we sat out by the firepit overlooking St. Mary's Loch and indulged in a special edition Oban single malt scotch whiskey.
"Fucking brilliant," I agreed. After spending three months at DMRC Headley Court rehabilitating my knee, and two months at Stirling Lines doing crap desk work, it felt good to take a week's leave before departing for DMRC Stanford Hall for two-to-three months of additional rehab.
Uncle Robbie had an initially purchased Whitehorn House with the assistance of my dad. The house had been in absolute shambles, but was situated on 6 acres of gardens and grounds with frontage onto St. Mary's Loch. It was located in the Scottish Borders some 25 kilometres southwest of Selkirk. Uncle Robbie had installed a dock onto the loch and had used it as his home base when he wasn't at Stirling Lines or spending his leave with us at Mulberry Lodge. I had fond memories of many fishing trips spent here with Uncle Robbie, and had been deeply touched when he had entailed it to me in his will.
Since then, I had fully restored the 5-bedroom house. While I'd added modern amenities, I had also tried to respect certain original details from when the house had initially been built in 1866. I considered the house to be my secret hideaway. I employed both a housekeeper and property manager to take care of the property. No one except for Jack, Max, and my family knew of its existence. It was where I came to be by myself and decompress. While I didn't spend as much time as I wanted to at Whitehorn House, I valued the time I spent at it and the connection it gave me to Uncle Robbie.
"I had hoped that while we are out on the loch earlier, you would have told me what has been troubling you," Jack caught me off guard.
"Other than the obvious?" I pointed to me knee.
"I wasn't referring to your ACL," Jack frowned at me. "You haven't been yourself since I saw you at Christmas and you know it."
"I hate to disappoint, but other than a botched ACL, I'm hunky-dory," I lied. Jack didn't need to know about the unhealthy obsession I had developed for Dawes.
"Come off of it, Bones. I know when you're lying to me, so why don't you do us both a favour and tell me what's what."
"All right," I conceded with an irritated sigh. "There is something, but I don't need you to be my agony aunt. I can deal with it on my own."
"From where I am sitting, you're not dealing with it at all," Jack observed with his usual perceptiveness.
"Look, just drop it, Jack. It's got nothing to do with you."
"Since when has that stopped us from sharing things with one another in the past?"
"You make us sound like bloody teenage girls," I rolled my eyes. Jack could be like a dog with a bone sometimes.
"Then stop faffing about and tell me what the fuck is wrong with you," Jack ordered. "Perhaps you could start by telling me what happened in Sierra Leone?"
"How do you know I was in Sierra Leone?" I challenged. That information should have been classified.
"I made it my business to know," Jack rebutted.
"I see you're as slimy as ever," I observed wryly, making reference to his work in the Intelligence Corps, or 'Green Slime' as we called them in the Army.
"Always," Jack responded with a knowing smirk.
"Should I assume you know that I was conscripted into rescuing a QARANC nurse who had been taken hostage?"
"The same nurse who happens to be a MC recipient and former fiancé of a certain knobhead you and I both despise," Jack more than confirmed my suspicion.
"Minor details," I shrugged, wanting to appear indifferent to Dawes.
"Hardly minor, when Lieutenant General James personally requested you to lead the rescue operation. It seems he has developed quite the penchant for making you his own personal dogsbody. First Belize, then Sierra Leone, and most recently Bangladesh."
"Bangladesh?" I raised an eyebrow at Jack.
"I know about that too, but we'll get to that later. For now, let's focus on Sierra Leone."
"Lead on, McDuff," I gave a sardonic nod for Jack to continue. It was clear he wasn't going to let me weasel out of this.
"I read the files and everything seemed in order, yet they do not account for the fact you've been at sixes and sevens since your return. This leads me to suspect that something happened. Something, you don't want me, or anyone else to know."
"Nothing happened." I lied.
"Bollocks!" Jack refuted, knowing full well I was lying to him again.
"For fuck's sake, Jack. What is it you that want me to say?" I raked a frustrated hand through my hair.
"I want you to tell me the truth, Bones."
"I told you, it's got nothing to do with you. Why can't you just accept it?" I argued.
"Because if the roles were reversed you would be asking me the same fucking questions," Jack contended.
"And, me being me, would ferret the truth out of you," I sighed in defeat before reaching for the whiskey bottle.
-X-
"It was supposed to be a standard rescue op," I began moments later, "until I learned of Dawes's connection to James. To further complicate matters, Lieutenant General James was running around like a blue-arsed fly. I couldn't for the life of me understand why he would give a fuck about his bellend son's ex-finance. As far as I was concerned, only a gold-digging slag or someone extraordinarily dim would get engaged to a prick like James."
"Based on her file, I reckon she's anything but dim," Jack chuckled. "Nor does strike me as a gold-digging slag," he added.
"I know that now," I scowled. "If you ask me, she's a bloody talented nurse who had the unfortunate bad luck of getting mixed up with James."
"Right," Jack gave me a puzzled look. "So, what happened?"
"The rescue went according to plan, but Dawes, as you sussed out, was not what I had anticipated," I confessed. "For some inexplicable reason, I found myself drawn to her."
"Drawn to her?" Jack's curiosity was clearly roused. "As in, you shagged her?"
"Fuck no! Do you think I'm bloody James? That would have been bang out of order!" I objected angrily.
"But you wanted to," Jack surmised.
"Maybe," I conceded.
"So, you rescued Dawes and wanted to shag her, but didn't?" Jack looked at me perplexed.
"Something like that," I focused my gaze on the fire.
"Why do I have a niggling, you aren't telling me the whole story?" Jack questioned.
"I had thought that after Sierra Leone that would be the end of it," I played with my whiskey glass.
"End of what?"
"Dawes."
"So, you shagged her once you both returned to the UK," Jack presumed based upon my usual modus operandi.
"No."
"I'm sorry, Bones, but I'm not following you. Perhaps you could stop with the hemming and hawing and get down to bloody brass tacks," Jack advised.
"Seeing Dawes in Sierra Leone, knocked me for six," I confessed, unable to look Jack in the eye.
"How so?"
"How the fuck should I know?" I looked up at Jack with exasperation. "All I know is that I cannot get her out of my head, and it's turning me into a bleeding mentalist."
"This is fucking brilliant," Jack smirked at me.
"What, that I am losing my fucking mind?" I whinged in exasperation.
"No, that for the first time in your life you fancy the pants off of someone," Jack laughed.
"You're off your fucking trolley, mate," I angrily dismissed Jack. "I can assure you; I do not fancy Dawes."
"Bollocks!"
"She's a bad penny. Nothing more, nothing less."
"If you say so," Jack laughed. "In all seriousness, Bones, why haven't you shagged her? Certainly, enough time has passed since Sierra Leone that it would no longer be deemed inappropriate?"
"Do you think I haven't considered it?" I raked a frustrated hand through my hair again.
"Then why haven't you?"
"Because she's different," I acknowledged.
"Why is she different from anyone else you've shagged?"
"She's vulnerable, Jack. Not only did James jilt her, but according to one of his former squaddies in 2 Section, he was fucking Lane the entire time they were in Bangladesh. Combine that with being kidnapped and tortured in Sierra Leone, the last thing Dawes needs is a trouser snake like me offering her a one off."
"Since when have you ever given a fuck about a woman's feelings?" Jack looked back at me in surprise.
"Look, I've told you enough, so I would appreciate it if you could sod off for now," I was no longer in the mood to continue this conversation or have Jack question my feelings towards Dawes.
"Keep your hair on mate, having a crush on Dawes is not the end of the world," Jack assured with a grin.
"I told you, I don't have a crush on her," I adamantly denied.
"If you say, so," it was clear Jack did not believe me.
November 2018
South West England
United Kingdom
My blood continued to boil as I steered my Rover onto the M5 and headed north towards Winchcombe.
I had driven to Birmingham two days previously for an appointment with my surgeon, Major Richards at the RCDM. Now, that I had completed my rehabilitation at DMRC Stanford Hall, Major Richards had conducted a thorough exam and had cleared me for duty. I intended to spend the next month at Mulberry Estate mentally and physically preparing myself to re-join G Squadron at Stirling Lines at the beginning of January.
Being in Brum had been excruciating. My obsession with Dawes was worse than ever. She had me in absolute knots. I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't seek her out, but I hadn't been able to control the urge to see her. I needed assurance that she was well. That, and the opportunity to see what she looked like without being black and blue. Until this point, all I had to go on was a picture I had copied from her file, and the memory of her in Sierra Leone.
I knew that I was certifiable at this point. Only an absolute sick fuck would have memorized every feature down to the minutest of detail. Then there was the fact that the few attempts I had made to eradicate Dawes from my mind had gone spectacularly wrong, due to the fact I seemed to have developed a limp-dick where any woman except Dawes was concerned.
As much as I had considered Jack's advice, I couldn't bring myself to treat her like any other woman. She deserved so much more than a one off with me. Then there was the fact that, deep down I worried once would not been enough to rid her from my system, and I had no intention of exploring what that might mean.
Once in Brum, I had staked myself out in the hospital canteen and had waited during what I had discovered was her lunch break. Sure enough, I had spotted her, and had taken the opportunity to soak in her appearance from a distance. Even, in her uniform and her hair pulled back in an unflattering plait, I could still feel my groin tighten in appreciation. She was bloody gorgeous, yet I sensed that after the number James had done on her, she had no idea of the fact. She also looked thin and fatigued. I couldn't help but worry that the past year had been a tremendous strain on her. If only… I immediately stopped my train of thought. There was no place for me in her life and it was time I got her out of my head once and for all.
-X-
Continuing along the motorway, my thoughts turned to Lieutenant General James and his arsehole son. A few days prior, Lieutenant General James had invited me to visit him at his residence in Bath. While I'd been surprised by the invitation, I had decided to accept and had opted to drive to Bath after my business in Birmingham. I knew from previous conversations with Lieutenant General James that he lived in a terraced home on Royal Crescent.
I had initially been flummoxed when the Lieutenant General had greeted me formally. He almost always called me Bones unless we were in company. This immediately raised my hackles and caused me to wonder if his shitbag son was in residence. However, I had kept my thoughts to myself and had politely played along.
While I wasn't entirely certain, I had a suspicion that the recently retired Lieutenant General wanted additional assurances that I wouldn't disclose what had happened in Bangladesh. True to form, Lieutenant General James and Colonel Beck had made sure that the arsemonger's misdeeds had been swept under the rug.
It turned out that Wiggerty had been a fount of information where his former C.O. and twit medic were concerned. His disgust over what had occurred in Bangladesh had given him the motivation and courage to successfully complete The Regiment's gruelling qualification process, and he was now a full-fledged trooper in G Squadron.
The way I understood it, Harte, James, and Lane had made a total cock-up of things in Afghan which had resulted in Harte's death. Post Afghan, James and Lane had quickly unravelled and James had made one school boy error after another which had led to things going all Pete Tong in Belize.
While things had improved with 2 Section under my leadership, it all went to shit again in Bangladesh. Apparently, at some point between Belize and Bangladesh, James and Lane had become involved, which had led to James jilting Dawes. James and Lane had spent the entirety of their tour in Bangladesh fucking behind closed doors when they thought the others weren't looking. On top of that, they had both seemed to be mentally unravelling and had caused the tour wind up in a complete shamble.
From what I had ascertained from various Army contacts, James had been on medical leave for an undisclosed condition since Bangladesh, but all signs pointed to him being at a private clinic in Scotland receiving treatment for PTSD. Lane had also received treatment for PTSD at a clinic in Northern Ireland, but had recently re-joined 2 Section with a promotion to sergeant to boot. I suspected that was Lieutenant General James's way of ensuring she stayed mum.
As expected, Lieutenant General James had summoned me because he wanted to assure my continued silence. While I would have liked nothing more than to see his shitbag son court martialled and sent packing onto civvy street, I would continue to keep my silence. Not out of respect for Lieutenant General James, or our relationship, but because I needed to protect Dawes. As much as I hated James, I refused to allow her to experience any further collateral damage related to her scumbag ex-finance. If the events of Bangladesh were to become public, it would only serve to cause her further pain and embarrassment. I had also ensured that Wiggerty would remain silent as well.
The remainder of 2 Section were not a concern. King had received a promotion to Colour Sergeant, which I suspected was Lieutenant General James and Colonel Beck's way of ensuring his silence. Private Stille was engaged to Lane's sister. Privates Richards and Kalil had taken an Early Leave Discharge from the Army and were now married. Private Montgomery had also taken a discharge to spend more time with his young son.
After confirming that his arsehole son, had in fact, decamped to Scotland, it seemed that Lieutenant General James was now intent on rehabilitating his arsehole son's career. While a secondment with NATO might suffice for now, it was unlikely the arsemonger would ever be promoted again. As for Lane, I was fully confident that she would cock-up her new promotion all on her own. While it might appear on the surface that she was coming out of this smelling like a rose, it was only a matter of time before she fucked up again.
It had taken everything in my power to prevent myself from beating seven shades of shit out of James. After what he had done to Dawes, it was impossible not to loathe him with every fibre of my being. Especially, when James had seemed incapable of understanding the untold damage, he had done to her. Which was why I had felt no qualms, about giving him the rollicking, he deserved.
I had also made it clear that there would be consequences if he came near Dawes again. Just the thought of him being remotely in the same vicinity as her made my skin crawl. He didn't deserve a woman like her. Not only had he squandered her love and affection, he had betrayed her in the worst possible way. Dawes deserved a real man, someone who would love and honour… I quickly cut off my train of thought. The thought of Dawes with another man irked me more than I liked to admit…
-X-
Later That Evening
Mulberry Lodge
Winchcombe
United Kingdom
"I was thinking about inviting the new Winchcombe Abbey primary teacher for Sunday lunch next weekend," Mum commented over dinner that night. "I met her recently at a literacy event at the school, and she was quite lovely."
"Lovely as in single, blonde, leggy, and eager to settle down?" Olly smirked at Mum.
"Olly," Melissa chided with a light elbow into his side.
"She's a very nice young woman, and new to the area," Victoria defended.
"Who you suspect might just be perfect for Mr. Funny Peculiar here," Olly chuckled at me.
"Piss off, wanker," I shook my head in irritation.
"Bones, mind your language at the dinner table," Mum scolded. "This isn't a mess hall. Now, getting back to Abigail Sutton, I think you'll find her very agreeable. Her father in retired from the Navy. She is also a keen runner."
"I thought when I agreed to come home for a month, you promised that there would be none of your convoluted matchmaking schemes?" I challenged, as a I felt my blood begin to boil.
"One family dinner is hardly fixing you up," Mum argued. "Besides, it's time you settled down. You're not getting any younger, Bones and if anything, the past year should have shown you that you could benefit from a relationship."
"I think you'll find that a torn ACL has next to nothing to do with my personal life. As for settling down, I have been abundantly clear on that subject."
"Bones, really, what is the harm in meeting a nice, attractive woman who shares similar interests as you?"
"Everything."
"But Bones, you are missing out on so many opportunities. Just think what it would be like to have a partner who shares in your interests and supports you in your job. Loving someone is a beautiful gift and I hate that you…"
"Enough!" I was sick and tired of listening to Mum harp on this topic. "I'm sick and tired of you carrying on about my personal life. I have asked you time and time again to stay out of it, yet time and time again, you are keen as mustard to interfere."
"Bones, I only want the best for you," Mum protested.
"Then do me a bloody favour and leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled. "Do you think I don't know what I've chosen to sacrifice? Do you think I don't know what I am missing? Do you know what it is like to be in love with someone and have absolutely nothing to offer then?" I demanded, sick to the back teeth of her meddling. "You don't have a fucking clue. You can throw as many women as you want at me, but it's not going to change a damn thing. There is only one woman I love, and there is not a bloody thing you or anyone else can do about it. So, I would appreciate it if the lot of you would mind your own fucking business," I angrily demanded before storming out of the dining room, both shocked and gutted by my outburst.
-X-
"I thought I might find you here," Mum remarked as she entered the barn I had converted into my own private gym on the estate. It was where I put myself through gruelling workouts to keep myself SAS fit when in residence at Mulberry Lodge.
"Look, I know you are a bit miffed at me…"
"Miffed?" I raised an irritated eyebrow at my mum as I continued to pummel the punching bag in front of me.
"More like furious," she corrected. "I was bang out of order, and I'm sorry, Bones."
"Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Haven't I told you time and time again that marriage and children or not on the cards for me?"
"I know."
"Look, I'm sorry for the way I behaved," I apologized. As angry as I was, I should not have spoken to my mum the way I had.
"Apology accepted," Mum smiled. "Now, will you stop beating that infernal thing, and come sit next to me?" she motioned to the weight bench she at on.
"I'm manky," I protested. I had stripped off my shirt earlier and was dripping in sweat.
"You seem to have forgotten that I raised two boys who were frequently covered in filth and sweat," Mum smirked as she threw a towel at me. "Sit," she ordered.
"Fine," I sighed, as I wiped the sweat from my brow.
"I know that I can be a bit heavy handed, it's just that I hate to see you forego the joy it is to have a partner in life. Bones, I know you persist in believing that you will die like Robbie, but there are no guarantees. There are many in The Regiment who live long, full, and rewarding lives with marriage and children."
"I know you want what Olly has for me, but you need to accept that it is never going to happen."
"Are you certain?" Mum clasped my cheek.
"Yes." I brushed her hand aside.
"Why didn't you tell me there was someone?"
"I don't want to talk about it. Besides, I'm not some sixteen-year-old with spots looking to confide in his Mum."
"So, it wasn't a sulky teenager who stormed out of the dining room tonight?" Mum ruffled my hair.
"You've got me there," I rolled my eyes.
"Humour me for once, Bones."
"Fine," I sighed. "What do you want to know?"
"You could start with her name."
"It's Molly."
"Molly what?"
"That's all you're getting," I smirked. You know that I cannot trust you not to play "detective" and meddle."
"I would never do that!" Mum looked back at me in mock indignation.
"The jury is still out on that."
"How did you meet Molly?"
"That's classified."
"You have to tell me something," Mum protested. "You could at least tell me what she is like."
"She's brave," I replied, my voice full of admiration.
"Interesting. Is she attractive?"
"Of course, she is," I scoffed. "Do you think I would be attracted to a swamp hoofer."
"And does this 'brave' Molly know that you're in love with her?" Mum probed.
"No."
"Is there a particular reason why you haven't felt compelled to tell her this?"
"She's in love with someone else."
"Oh," Mum looked surprised by this. "Is she in a relationship with this person."
"Not anymore. He's a complete and total shitbag who treated her abhorrently. The last thing she needs is someone like me in her life."
"How can you be so sure of that?" Mum argued, clearly not convinced by my reasoning.
"She needs a gentleman who will treat her like a queen. She doesn't need a hard nut like me who hasn't a clue how to treat a woman like her. Then there's my occupation. The last thing she needs is someone who disappears for weeks or months on end and who could be killed at any moment. I'm bad bet, Mum, no matter what you say."
"If you say so, Bones, but I think you'll find that you are selling yourself short."
"Short or not, that's all I intend to say on this subject. I should also add that it would behove you to keep our conversation to yourself. I have no interest in discussing this with you again or with anyone else. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, but know that I am here for you, Bones, and that I only want the best for you," Mum said, before standing up from the bench and giving me a motherly kiss on the cheek.