Disclaimer:

Parts of this fic are based on my own experiences in middle and high school. If you find a bit of dialogue which leaves you thinking "no way someone would say that", there's a good chance you're looking at a literal quote.

Harry had long since realised that his teammate was a little different from most people at Hogwarts. Not that there was anything wrong with Katie, she just seemed to lack any barrier between what she was thinking and what she said. Which meant that she would often ask the kind of questions which left Hermione outraged but also leaning in closer because she wanted to know the answer.

However, looking back, that was not a new development. Katie had always been that way, but most had been way over his head, like that polishing a broomstick was a euphemism rather than a Quidditch player's maintenance. Which explained why the rest of the team had burst out laughing when he boasted about his daily schedule and been in stitches when Harry mentioned that Hermione had gotten him a broom polishing kit for his birthday.

Katie, Harry realised belatedly, was flirting with everyone. He had been on the receiving end for at least a year, but it took that long for the coin to drop. Not that he thought her "one of the blokes", seeing her walk around in a towel after all those Quidditch practices made sure after that, he simply never thought that anyone might flirt with him.

Of course, it was utterly hilarious to watch when he was not the victim. She usually managed to render Ron speechless for an hour within a few seconds while Neville had taken to fleeing the room whenever she as much as looked at him. However, there were times when he simply wanted to be left alone, such as when Cho rejected him in favour of Cedric for the Yule Ball.

"Katie asked me if I wanted to go to the dance lessons with her."

"Why'd you want to do that?" Ron asked as he rummaged through his trunk.

"No idea. McGonagall already made me - "

"Gentlemen, I couldn't help to overhear your conversation and I have to ask," Seamus interrupted as he crossed the dorm and slung an arm over each of them as he waited for a dramatic effect. "Have you been dropped on your heads or were you born stupid? Why would you turn down such an opportunity?"

"Why would we want to go dancing? That's for girls!"

"All hope is lost for you, Ron. Please tell me that you aren't as thick, Harry!"

"I turned Katie down since - uhm - I didn't see the point."

"You two are hopeless. Dancing means that you spend a few hours with a pretty girl in your arms. And if they invite you to dance, you have a pretty good shot at making out with them, at least if you play your cards right."

"Well, I had enough after McGonagall insisted on teaching me a few steps since I have to open the bloody thing. Jane, the seventh year she drafted as my partner, is probably still bugging Pomfrey for a pain-relief potion," Harry replied hotly although it began to dawn on him that Seamus had a point.

"Mate, you are a Triwizard champion and out flew a dragon on a wooden broom. You can have your choice of birds and you decide to sit up here and mope around."

"I didn't want a choice of birds, I, well I wanted to go with Cho, but - "

"Ah, now I see your problem. Although it really doesn't change much, you should have taken Katie up on that offer."

"But I wanted to - "

"Yes, yes, Cho. But she turned you down so the best thing you could do is show up with a hotter date and rub it in her face - well actually the best thing you could do is to get a hotter date and simply enjoy your time. Cho doesn't want you, so stop wasting your time with her and go after someone who does."

After Seamus left, Harry tried to get back to brooding, but his roommate's words wouldn't leave him alone. After half an hour of imagining Cho on Cedric's arm, the wisdom he had dismissed earlier became, in Harry's opinion, sensible advice, and he began to think how to make something out of it while Seamus despaired at Ron's stubbornness when it came to the benefits of dancing.

He wanted to talk to Katie and see if her offer was still open, but before Harry could find the courage, one of her year mates swooped in and got himself a date with her. Which left him scrambling for a date of his own and he ended up on a rendezvous with Parvati.

"You know Ron, your fixation on Krum is disturbing," Katie opened as she sat down next to the 4th year Gryffindor boys, her maroon dress matching Ron's robes surprisingly well, even if hers was cut properly and not wrapped in a mile of frilly lace.

"What - Why do you always pick on me? Go bugger Harry!"

Unfortunately for Ron, Katie was two inches taller than Harry, which meant that his attempt to intimidate her into leaving with a stern glare was entirely unsuccessful.

"Harry is mooning after the girl who shot him down, which was kinda pathetic but not really unexpected. You, on the other hand, were glaring at a bloke for the past hour."

"Hermione shot me down too."

"Mate, the way you asked her guaranteed that every witch in this castle would shoot you down out of principle," Katie replied scathingly. "The only way you could have done worse was realising that she has nice tits rather than realising that she's a girl."

"Don't you have a date you can annoy?" Ron asked bitingly while still glaring at the Durmstrang champion and his date.

"I told Cormac to bugger off. He can be hilarious, but tonight he's been an arse - Oh stop being so grumpy, here, drink!"

"Bloody hell, is that firewhiskey?"

"Perhaps a bit louder? I don't think Hagrid has heard you yet," Katie grumbled good-naturedly as she fiddled around with her evening bag to refill the glass Ron had just emptied. This time, Harry saw that she had somehow poured amber liquid out of a bottle which hadn't been there a second ago. "I swear, how can you be related to the twins but not know how to keep your gob shut?"

"Hagrid would probably just start discussing Whiskey with you if he found out that you smuggled some in," Harry pointed out. After Norberta, he wouldn't put it past Hagrid to have a still in his hut. And given his luck, he'd probably have to deal with the aftermath. Or end up in a drinking contest with Hagrid.

"Well, he certainly looks like he could drink us under the table."

"How did you even get your hands on that bottle? You're not 17."

"I asked Angelina."

With that, the spiked punch passed to Harry, who looked at Cho and then took a healthy swig. He knew that he wasn't supposed to drink for a few more years, but between being entered in a competition for adults, having to attend this stupid event in the first place and the weird feeling whenever he saw his crush, something forbidden which made people feel funny seemed like a great idea.

A few minutes later, Lavender made an appearance to whisk Dean away to the dance floor, leaving him with Katie and the whiskey. There was a commotion outside and a big fight between Ron and Hermione, but at that point, Harry was far too drunk to care.

Not that Katie was always right or knowledgeable, some of her questions left him scratching his head, not even trying to figure out where that had come from. A good example of this happened two weeks before the second task and was trying to work his way through a pile of books Hermione deemed useful while she was in the library looking for more tomes about house-elves.

Harry wasn't alarmed when Katie walked up to him, her brunette ponytail bouncing with every step. Whenever she was being extra nice, it meant trouble, but unfortunately, he was too absorbed in the description of a manticore eating the Durmstrang champion of 1631 to notice.

"How's it going?"

"Alright - given the circumstances. But whoever wrote this brick should have been writing horror stories instead."

"So Harry, what do you guys do when you jack off?"

"Eh, come again?" Harry stuttered, his face quickly changing to resemble an overripe tomato before he even noticed the double meaning. At this point, he could have been mistaken for a deer caught in the headlight of a lorry about to flatten it, which was a surprisingly accurate description of how he felt and what he wished for.

"You can't buy condoms up here and there's no spell for that either, I checked. So what does a guy do if he wants to jack off?" Katie asked again and Harry looked around in confusion.

"How - What - Eh?"

At the next table, Dean looked utterly mortified while Seamus bit down on his first, barely able to stop himself from laughing out loud. Their expressions clearly told Harry that neither would help him but both enjoyed his misery.

"Uhm - not that I do this - but what does a condom have to do with - that?"

"Where else would you cum?" she asked without missing a beat.

"Uhm - how about - Uhm - "

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Your - hand - maybe?" Harry blurted out while hoping that Voldemort would burst through the portrait hole. Or how about an earthquake? Any excuse to get out of this conversation really.

"Really? But isn't it quite a mess?"

"Katie, you know you can wash your hands, right?" Harry managed to get out before he ran up to his dorm. Dean had also decided to beat the retreat before he could be subjected to further questions. Seamus, on the other hand, did not move, which made him her next victim. Harry didn't even want to know what those two were discussing.

Shuddering, he tried to already forget what had been the most mortifying conversation he ever had to endure. Maybe Hermione could just wipe his memory and he would never have to think of it again.

Of course, Harry wasn't always at the receiving end of awkward questions. Sometimes, it was enjoyable to watch the train wreck and occasionally it seemed like Katie made people squirm just for his amusement. Other questions made him wish that the ground opened up and swallowed him whole. Or swallow Katie, which would also solve this issue.

"So Lee, is it true what they say about black guys?"

"Well, I didn't whip out a ruler, but let's just say that I don't have to feel shy in the showers," he replied smugly, not at all perturbed by the unexpected question.

"Well damn. I'm just asking because I was at a house party during the hols, there might have a bottle or two of rum and there was a bloke who was half man and half machine. At least 20 stone of pure muscle -. and he was - massive, like my forearm. Leanne and I were halfway through our bottle when he starts making out with some bint and just whips it out."

"Yeah, I don't think that's normal," Lee replied slowly and Harry found himself nodding in agreement while Katie made obscene gestures with her arm. Truth be told, the way some bloke's massive manhood made an impression on her was pretty hilarious.

"Thank god, there's no way I could fit that."

"I don't think any of us could," Harry quipped before he could stop himself, chuckling at the honest relief in his friend's voice. Two pairs of eyes turned towards him before all three laughed uproariously.

"I don't want to try," Lee added while looking at Katie's forearm, which set them off again.

"So, had a good Holiday?"

"Great, I didn't throw up once and since Leanne now lives in Kentish Town, I didn't have to catch late-night buses since we could crash at her place. Mum was always worried - "

"Wait, your parents know what you get up to?" Lee asked. "I thought that you just snuck out or something."

"Duh, of course they do."

"And they let you go to parties where people whip out their gentleman's sausage?"

"They were 17 and 19 in '68, they still remember a thing or two about being a teenager and parties. As long as I stay away from drugs and don't sleep in strange places, they don't mind. Especially since I'll only go out with Leanne anyway."

Malfoy and his two minions had barely disappeared behind the next corner before Katie appeared next to him. Apparently, she was not impressed that he had lost the verbal spar and was not shy about expressing her opinion. "What kind of limp-dicked response was that?"

"I - He - He has a point and knows how to get under my skin. Malfoy has been insufferable ever since he got Greengrass as a girlfriend."

"So you choke on your tongue as soon as the git tells you that you haven't kissed a girl?"

"Well, o wise one, what was I supposed to reply to that?" Harry snarked, not really interested in his friend rubbing salt into the wound.

"That you shagged his mother in his father's bedroom, and then in his own."

"I'm not good at coming up with something like - Which meant that I couldn't just tell him - "

"Oh for heaven's sake," Katie grumbled before putting a hand on Harry's shoulder. "How fucking dense are you?"

"What? I've never had a girlfriend and I've never kissed a girl. Which Malfoy - "

"Harry, I've kissed you each time you caught the snitch, as did Alicia and Angelina - "

"That doesn't count, it was just a peck - "

He was cut off by Katie unceremoniously grabbing his shoulder and pulling him into a kiss. Which wasn't a new experience, although he quickly realised that this was unlike after any Quidditch game since she did not let go after a second. Given his surprise, she easily slipped her tongue into his mouth, at which point Harry's brain shut down completely.

He was still stuck marvelling how anything could be as soft as her lips when he realised that she had asked him a question.

"Happy now?"

"That was nice."

"You are welcome," Katie replied equally dryly and for a moment they looked at each other before they had to chuckle and then laugh at the entire situation.

"Come on then, champion, there are three weeks before you have to slay the next monster."

"I didn't have to slay the dragon. Or anything in the Black Lake."

"You slew the Basilisk. And Quirrell."

"I should not have told you about that. And don't you have OWLs to prepare for?"

"Urgh - Don't remind me."

There were months when Katie behaved herself and actually made meaningful contributions to Gryffindor. For example, she figured out that it was possible to play muggle music on magical record players with only a few tweaks to the device. Granted, she used the newfound knowledge to play her favourite LP, which was apparently called Patriot Games by a group called Gunshot, much to the dismay of the prefects who had to herd the overly boisterous first years after they had listened to two hours of hip hop. Which prompted them to ask for other records, but only Dean had brought a record to Hogwarts, purely by accident. And the prefects quickly came to regret their enforced change of music since Hyper Hyper had an even worse effect on the excitable lower years, who enjoyed any excuse to act like they had consumed nothing but caffeine and a mountain of sugar for weeks.

However, over the years Harry had become convinced that Katie merely tried to lull him into a false sense of security. Not that it stopped her from being inappropriate and telling stories which left Harry more than a little envious (or on some occasions, relieved) that he didn't live in Kentish Town or Wood Green. After all, Katie might disregard what was right and proper, but it made her great fun to be around. Because no matter her faults, she had earned a special place in his heart because she was the Dursleys' worst nightmare personified and the mere thought of introducing her to his relatives was enough to make him giggle like a loon.

However, not long after the DA was founded, she came up with a question which left him more alarmed than anything short of Voldemort himself could.

"So Harry, who do you think is the hottest girl in here?"

"Oh, I'm not brave enough to answer that," he tried to deflect, but Katie's piercing glare made it obvious what she was thinking about that.

"You faced a Basilisk with a sword and a dragon on a wooden broom, you can't use that excuse."

"Why do I feel like this is some kind of trap?"

"No trap, I promise. I'm just curious what you think," Katie said earnestly and for once there was no mischief in her voice, no playful glint in her brown eyes.

"If the likes of Lavender even hear that there's a top ten or something like that, I won't have a quiet moment until my NEWTs."

"Alright, so no ranking. But who do you think is attractive?"

"Hmm, Cho for sure, well you, obviously - "

"Thank you," Katie replied sweetly and the way she crossed her arms under her breasts caught his eyes for a moment, which was certainly no coincidence.

"Yeah - Alicia and Angelina as well. I've seen enough after Wood's practices - "

"You weren't supposed to look, you know?"

"And I'm pretty sure that Angelina wasn't supposed to dance on that bench in a towel after we won the cup, yet she did. And you didn't stop her, you slapped her ass and told her to move those hips - "

"Touché. So who else?"

"Hmm - From Gryffindor Ginny, but not Parvati or Sophie - " Harry said as he looked through the Room of Requirement, still not at ease with the conversation topic but a little relaxed because Katie wasn't acting weirdly about his answers.

"But Parvati was your date at the Yule Ball."

"And you saw how that went."

"You were hung up on Cho that night, I don't think that you would have had a good time with anyone."

"I bet you could have kept my attention with stories about your neighbourhood and all the special restaurants there," Harry replied softly, thinking about how she had done pretty much that once the dinner tables had been cleared. Although admittedly, the firewhiskey helped as well.

"I wouldn't call them special, they just sell dishes from abroad."

"That's special to me. I don't think that I'd eaten anything foreign until last year during the tournament, and even that were just weird French dishes."

"In that case, you'll have to visit over the next holidays and I'll treat you to some of the best special dishes in all of London. You've said that you live there now, right?"

"I might have to go back to Surrey for a few weeks over the summer, but other than that I should be in London."

"Great, we'll start at Turnpike Lane and work our way up High Street. Depending on how many side roads you want to follow, we might even make it to Wood Green Station before the summer is over," Katie chuckled. "But back to my original question. Who else do you think is hot?"

"There's Hermione - "

"Hermione?"

"What? I'm her friend, not blind."

"So why don't you make a move on her?"

"Because she is my friend and has a thing with Viktor. Now I wouldn't mind doing something with Greengrass just to screw with Malfoy, because then I could rub it in his face that his girlfriend rubbed herself over me. But I wouldn't screw with a friend like that."

"But you've thought about it?"

"Of course I have," Harry blurted out. It didn't help that for almost a month in the previous year, she had been the only person with whom he had talked. Not that everyone had believed him to be a cheating cunt, but Hermione had been the only one who knew him well enough to track him down when he did not want to be found. "As did everyone else in my dorm I bet."

"What about Megan or Hannah?"

"Eh, not really my type - "

"Really? But they have - "

"I don't care that they have the biggest tits in the room. Hannah looks like Snape just gave her detention all the time and Megan actually looks like Snape with tits."

"Harsh - "

"But true."

"Well, yes," Katie conceded in a mumble before perking back up. "So you don't like big tits?"

"I like them just fine. I mean, look at Lavender - " Harry pointed out, growing more and more perplexed as this conversation carried on. Apparently, Katie noticed the same.

"Oh don't worry, I'm just trying to find out what your type is."

"My type?"

"Yes - "

"What for?"

"Because I'm curious. And you are one of the few I haven't figured out yet. And it's not like you had many girlfriends from which I could draw conclusions."

"I didn't really have the time to date around. Especially with the tournament."

"If you wanted some stress-relief, you just had to ask Alicia. She'd have lent you a hand."

"What?"

"I mean, she wouldn't do that for anyone, but you're hardly a stranger and she's kinda a pervert - "

"Pot meet kettle," Harry said under his breath, but not quietly enough.

"Oi, I'm not a pervert, I just have a dirty mind!"

"You bragged about making out with a guy who had his tongue pierced over the holidays."

"Oh no, French kissing, the height of sacrilege," Katie replied dryly. "I wanted to know what it felt like so I found out, end of the story. You wouldn't believe half of what Alicia gets up to. What about Perks?"

"Sally has an awesome haircut and a pretty face - "

"Really? You dig black and green?"

"It suits her. And she reminds me of someone I met during the holidays," Harry replied and smiled thinking back to the time where Tonks switched back and forth between Veela seductress, animal noses and Snape imitation for a few minutes before dissolving in laughter. He did not see the dark look which crossed Katie's face.

"So that's how it is!" Cho shouted out of nowhere and gestured between him and Katie. Harry could already feel a headache approaching since they had already been over this with Hermione and, surprise surprise, it turned out that he wasn't a cheating bastard. But speaking of bastards, Marietta was only half a step behind her friend.

"Pretty brave of you two to walk around without Umbridge nearby," Katie began and Harry realised that this whole encounter could become messy really fast. He had to do something before wands were drawn.

"Look Cho - "

Unfortunately for him, Marietta had been at the receiving end of pranks, jinxes and the occasional curse for almost a month and was at the end of her patience.

"Don't you idiots realise which way the wind blows? Dumbledore is out and now the Ministry can start to make things right. They already got rid of two useless teachers and - "

"That's rich coming from a traitorous bitch," Katie cut her off and moved half a step forward to put herself between Harry and the two Ravenclaws.

"I had to do what I did. My mother was - "

"Your mother blows cocks a knut apiece in Knockturn Alley and still has more honour than you."

"You dare?" Marietta screeched while Cho stood there slack-jawed. "You, who shagged half of Gryffindor?"

"Just because you can't keep your legs closed for more than five minutes does not mean that I am like you. Nor do all of us talk about precious Cedric all the time. And Harry has not cheated on your friend, neither with Hermione nor with me, Angelina, Alicia, Ginny, the Lovegood girl or Professor McGonagall."

"You little slag! You have no idea what you are talking about," Marietta hissed and shrugged off Cho's hand on her shoulder. She stepped up to Katie and, being two inches taller, stared down at the brunette Gryffindor. They were less than a foot apart, sizing each other up like a pair of prizefighters.

"Oh, hit a nerve? Maybe it isn't just sucking up what you do with Malfoy and Umbridge."

With that, Katie spat onto Marietta's face who froze for a moment before drawing back her fist. Unfortunately for her, Katie was faster and dropped her with a quick right-left combo before Harry could stop her.

"Run to Umbridge about this and all you do is prove me right," she shouted to Cho over her shoulder as Harry dragged her away. It would be best if they would not be found near a girl who just had her nose broken after a fight which could have been heard two floors above.

"That was awesome," he admitted quietly once Katie stopped struggling against his grip and they were out of earshot of the Ravenclaws.

"Thanks, I've always wanted to do that."

"Floor Marietta?"

"Anyone really. It looked like fun," Katie admitted as she rubbed her knuckles. "Bloody hurts though."

"You are weird, you know? But that was also the hottest thing I've ever seen. The look in your eyes, the way your face and hair - " Harry gushed, torn between amazement at what had happened, fear that Umbridge would come after them and exhilaration because he had been part of the whole mess.

"Really? Better than Alicia walking around naked in the lockers since Angelina and I dared her to do it?"

"Well, that wasn't bad, but your expression the moment you punched Marietta - I'm not sure how to describe it, but you looked fierce, intense and ice-cold."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Katie replied and for once her cheeks were tinted red. "So, you're now short of a girlfriend?"

"Seems like it," Harry replied bitterly. Truth be told, his relationship with Cho had been dead for some weeks, and neither him praising Hermione for the curse on the DA list nor Cho defending Marietta had helped. But this definitely was the last nail in the coffin. The hate-filled glare thrown his way as he held Katie back said that more than anything else.

"Would you want a new one?"

"Sure, preferably one which doesn't want to talk about her dead boyfriend all the time," Harry replied with a hollow laugh. "It's not like anyone would be interested though."

"Well," Katie trailed off and gestured at herself.

"Really?"

"Only if you are interested," she replied, smiling as his expression changed from shock to awe. Sometimes a look said more than a thousand words.

"I - I am - " Harry stuttered in disbelief but was silenced by a peck on his lips.

"Brill!"

Surprisingly, no one was surprised by Harry's change of girlfriend. Since Marietta, and therefore by extension Cho, were persona non grata within the DA, his friends were happy for him, Hermione going as far as telling him that it was bloody time. Which would have been out of character for his bookish friend if not for the intense hatred she had developed against the two Ravenclaws after Marietta sold them out to Umbridge.

However, as much as Harry tried to hide it, the black corridor continued to haunt his dreams, which made him get less and less sleep. Katie noticed that he got more cranky, but her solution turned out to be a specific kind of stress relief which meant that she dragged him off to secluded corners of the castle.

Over the next month, those sessions got longer while more and more clothing was lost. However, it wasn't until his jeans came off that Harry really realised what awaited at the end of this journey. Then again, it had taken him over a year to realise that Katie was attracted to him, so a month was certainly an improvement.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked, his voice shaking as badly as his hand as he stared at Katie's bare chest. Yet he only found a pair of warm brown eyes looking back at him far gentler than what he would have imagined her to be like in a situation like this.

"Do you want to stop?" she wanted to know, her tone making it clear that they both knew the answer to that question. Leaning in, she kissed him softly and then lingered an inch from his face, the scent of her lemony soap oddly distracting.

"Hell no - it's just - well I've never done this before - "

"That's pretty obvious. Just relax and we'll figure out how to do this."

"And I'm a little - very nervous," Harry admitted quietly even though it too was pretty obvious. "I always thought that this would be more romantic."

"If you want romance, I can fuck you till you see stars," Katie declared and he couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud and she joined in a moment later. While utterly ridiculous, her declaration had made the whole situation far less awkward than it had been. She then ended any remaining hesitation by undoing his belt and then unceremoniously placed both of his hands on her tits while he was still laughing hard. Harry froze abruptly and, after a long moment where he was extremely aware of what he was now touching, began to move his hands. His slow exploration bordered on reverence.

Strangely, from this point on, Harry had no more dreams of strange corridors and doors which would not open. There was a big fight deep in the Ministry's secret dungeons where Voldemort revealed himself, but for once he was not involved in that. He spent most of the next summer at Grimmauld Place, or at least that's what Sirius told Dumbledore. In truth, Harry quickly figured out how to navigate the Tube to Turnpike Lane and Kentish Town. Which meant that quite often, he only returned on the last train of the day. The Order was none the wiser, although he ran into Tonks in Camden Town, or she stumbled into him to be more accurate. Given that he was supposed to be at headquarters and she at home recovering from the Department of Mysteries, the following exchange left Katie and Leanne in pieces.

AN:

Beta'ed by LifeEquals42

What happens next is up to your imagination. Because as fun as it was to write a more realistic rather than an idealised side of teenagers, it is back to fluff after this. Well, fluff and galactic warfare in my Star Wars fic.

Prior to the research for this fic, I was not even aware that Britcore or the group Gunshot existed. It is certainly not an author insert, although I have to admit that I found the Clancy references hilarious. Likewise, I don't think I have ever listened to Hyper Hyper in its entirety, nevermind the whole album.