Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.
Summary: [AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Funny one-shot!
Please review!
Adopt A Sesshomaru
By Imperfectly-Yours
Kagome sat down in her old chair, starting up her computer. She sighed. It had been three months since her favorite cat, Buyo, had passed. She missed him dearly, and cried over his death many nights. But she decided she needed to find a new pet. Not to replace him, or make her forget about him, but for company. She was lonely in her small apartment, and often longed for a companion.
So, here she was, loading up the internet, typing in in the search bar. Waiting for thirty seconds, the page soon appeared. She placed her hands on the keyboard, unsure of what to type. Would she want another cat? A dog? A bird? She didn't want another cat, because it would remind her too much of Buyo. And birds were loud, messy, and wanted too many crackers to afford. Maybe a dog would do. She pressed her fingers against the keys, typing in "adopt a dog," and pressed enter.
Many links appeared. She clicked the first one called "To Infinity and Beyond! Dog Adoptions." Instantly, many pictures appeared of fuzzy dogs, hairless dogs, big dogs, small dogs, ugly, pretty, etc. etc. She scrolled way down to the bottom. She didn't want a puppy, though they were awfully cute. They just made too much of a mess. She went to the last page, not finding any interest in Yorkshire Terriers or Pitbulls. She looked at the last dog at the very bottom. She saw a small picture of beautiful white gleaming hair. She clicked on the description without hesitation.
Dog for Adoption!
Name: Sesshomaru (or Blood-sucking man-eater by fellow employees)
Breed: Unknown
Age: Also, unknown
Shots: Unable to give any
M/F: Male
Special Needs: Many, possibly a therapy session (it is advisable you don't poke him upon meeting)
Description:
1. He can play dead, or make you dead.
2. He can fetch a bone, or fetch Tetsusaiga.
3. He'll never dig a hole, except for your grave.
4.He'll guard the house, the food, but not you.
5. He will come when you call him, or come after you.
6. He gets along with everyone except beekeepers, toads, and clay pots.
7. He never barks, but may bite. Never mind… he always bites.
8. He'll roll over, or cause you to keel over in intense pain.
9. He'll never run away from home, but may cause you to run away from home in fear.
10. He won't ever drink out of the toilet, but may drink from the pools of blood after beheading you.
Kagome scrunched her eyebrows together. This was certainly an odd, and most of all, scary and dangerous dog, not at all what she was looking for. She was about to click the back button, when she saw in big, black, bold letters:
FREE! WILL BE DELIVERED AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE! GET HIM OFF OF OUR HANDS NOW!
Free? Compared to the other dogs that were priced at least a hundred dollars or more? It was a deal that was hard to go by without consideration. Maybe they were making him sound worse than he actually was, she reassured herself. She could also get a trainer if he needed some work. After a few minutes of thinking, she pushed the mouse over so that the clicker was on the "Adopt" button. Maybe she was thinking too fast? There were plenty of other dogs out there. She closed her eyes, and hesitantly pressed the right button on her mouse.
Instantly, a notice appeared.
Thank you for adopting this dog! You have saved many lives of many people, mostly children, except your own. God help you.
Kagome rolled her eyes. To her, this almost seemed like a joke. Little did she know that it was not.
(Insert dundundun and an evil cackle somewhere in the distance)
She finished typing in her postal information. She felt a little odd as she typed in "5436 Reincarnation Avenue." Maybe she had made the wrong decision. But, she had to live with it, and maybe learn from it.
So, Kagome waited for what seemed a century. Actually, it was only two hours, until her doorbell rang. She jumped up from her couch, very excited and apprehensive. Peeking through the eye hole, she saw a delivery man screaming as he ran down the side walk from a large box that was now on her doorstep. She opened the door slightly. She heard scratching and growling, as if it was some sort of a rabid evil furry thing.
She cringed as she gently tugged on the box, using all her strength to pull it over the doorway. Shutting the door behind it, she rubbed her hands together, satisfied.
She realized she had to get scissors to open the box. As she walked to the kitchen, she heard the box shaking and jumping on the floor, consequently knocking down a lamp. The whole house went dark for a moment. Feeling like someone was watching her she quickly grabbed the scissors from the cabinet. She also grabbed a knife. Of course she would need to protect the food.
Walking back cautiously, she carefully slid the sharp side of the scissors across the piece of tape that was holding the box together. Instantly, a tall figure popped out.
Miles away, people looked up to the sky, wondering where that awful screaming was coming from.
Kagome covered her mouth in shock. There was no furry dog wagging its tail with happiness. Instead, there was a man with white hair, gleaming golden eyes, and a strange fluffy thing across his shoulder. It was a stranger! An intruder! She reached for the phone, but realized that the phone was across the room, and she fell down as she grasped air. The man stared down at her, his eyebrows raised to the heavens. She stood up hastily, wiping off her skirt though nothing was there.
"Thank god I'm out of that infuriating box. The damn tape was impossible to tear through." The man growled, flexing his now visible claws.
Kagome looked at the box in surprise. On the two folds was a teeny-tiny piece of scotch tape, messily put on. She looked back at her "dog" and felt her mouth steadily drop to the floor.
"They didn't send me a dog! They sent me an odd looking man!" She exclaimed out loud.
"What did you say, wench?" The man replied, his eyes cold and unforgiving.
A small peep came out of Kagome's mouth. "Did I say that out loud?" She asked quietly, putting a finger over her mouth.
"No, I can read minds." He said, his voice carrying sarcasm.
"You can? What?!" She exclaimed loudly, reaching her arms to the ceiling, almost as if gesturing 'someone must be out to get me.'
"I was just kidding." He replied, and he too slightly rolled his eyes at her foolishness.
"Oh." She said quietly, slightly relieved.
"So, who are you?" She asked, not sure of what else to say.
"I don't know." He replied curtly. She looked at him strangely.
"At any rate, I'm really sorry about this. When I saw the picture online, all I saw was a bunch of white, silky hair. I thought that it was a REALLY REALLY old, quiet and good natured FEMALE dog. I mean, seriously, the picture made you look ANCIENT." She said, counting her fingers as she listed the details of the picture.
He growled lowly, flexing his claws.
"Shoot. I'm thinking aloud again, aren't I?" Kagome frowned. She wasn't acting her usual self.
"Yes, wench." He replied, glaring at her.
"Will you stop calling me 'wench?' It's really getting annoying." Kagome attacked him suddenly in defense.
"Yes, when you stop calling me an ancient, gentle, female dog." She had to suppress a smile at this.
Kagome rolled her eyes, feeling little patience to argue with him.
"Well, would you like something to eat? I'm totally stocked up on Kibbles N' Bits."
Sesshomaru gave her a cold stare.
"No. I think I would prefer to catch a fresh meal in the back. Perhaps a small rodent will do." He told her, and she looked away, rolling her eyes again. But, to her surprise, he immediately began to walk to the back door.
He was serious? She thought incredulously, not bothering to pay attention to the fact that he didn't even open the screen door, but just tore through it with his sharp claws.
She followed his figure with her eyes, watching him from her window. She saw him catch a squirrel that was apparently flying through the air. She pondered momentarily over the fact that there even was a flying squirrel near her apartment, but discarded it soon. There was too much to think about at the moment. What would she do about her "dog?" How would she explain this to her friends who often visited? She had no answers to what she asked herself.
Instead, she went to the kitchen, and got herself a cup of warm tea.
The End
Hahahaha. My friend and I wrote this in like an hour. We were cracking up the whole time, finding this very amusing. I don't know if you will, but I hope you will at least find it entertaining. I know, it's a lot different than my one shot, which is focused on death and pain.
Well, if you enjoyed, please review. I'd like some feedback on our sudden randomness. PLEASE! And thank you : )