Chapter 1
Santana stood outside her old high school debating whether to go inside or just turn around and run and she was seriously considering the latter.
It has been 10 years since she has stepped foot inside this place and she has mixed feelings about it, so much has changed, she is now 28 years old and despite everyone who said that she would never amount to anything or in the words of her former friend Rachel Berry that she 'would only end up on a pole' she had actually become a successful singer. She also hasn't spoken to anyone since the day she graduated, not even her best friend Quinn, not after receiving a string of angry messages about the state she had left Brittany in after the ceremony, and at first Santana was just scared to answer her phone calls or reply to the messages but that soon passed to hurt, which in turn, turned to anger. Quinn was her friend just as much as she was Brittany's and she didn't think to ask if she was okay, sure she had left Brittany in the choir room in a state and it is something she regrets to this day but she was also in a state when she ran from the choir room, tears streaming down her face and not once did any of her 'friends' message to ask how she was doing, and those who had messaged her had nothing nice to say, and had only come to the defence of Brittany, and although she was angry for a while she was also partly glad that Brittany had people to stand by her side and help her even if they chose not be there for her personally because she had hurt Brittany and she knows that, she couldn't be what Brittany wanted her to be, she just wasn't ready, she wasn't brave enough.
She had ignored the endless calls from Brittany , all the pleading text messages to call her back, all the 'I miss you' and 'I love you' messages, and it had broken her heart ignoring them and she had cried every time a call or message came through as she hid away in her bedroom over the summer, telling herself she was doing the right thing by Brittany, that Brittany would be better off without her and her insecurities.
Eventually the phone calls stopped coming as frequently and the text messages changed from 'I love you' to 'I hate you' and her heart went from being broken to completely shattered.
Her parents couldn't understand what had caused her to be so upset and isolated, at first they had assumed it was just sadness at graduating and that she wouldn't be seeing her friends as often as she did but as the days went by they thought maybe a boy had broken her heart but still they got no answer to their questions, eventually they noticed Brittany and Quinn hadn't been around and questioned their friendship, maybe they had an argument, it wouldn't have been the first. As the days and weeks passed and her mood wasn't improving her mom had come in to her bedroom and for the first time in weeks didn't ask any questions, instead she lay down on her daughters bed, put an arm around her and was simply just there for her as they lay there together until it had gone dark outside and it was in the darkness that SHE finally whispered the words 'I'm gay' to her mom as she broke down in tears as she expected the worst to happen and she only cried harder when her mom held her tighter and told her that she would always love her, no matter what. She had asked her mother not to say anything to her Father or grandmother as she wasn't ready for that and her mom agreed to keep it between them until she was ready.
Despite telling her mom her deepest secret and telling her about Brittany, her mood hadn't improved, she was still feeling very low and sad so when her Abuela had suggested she moved to Kentucky a little earlier than planned and get a change of scenery, she had agreed without any fight and a few days later she was leaving Lima and everything in it behind.
Once she arrived in Louisville, Kentucky to start her scholarship she knew straight away that it's not where she wanted to be but she tried to make it work just to distract her from missing Brittany and to block the guilt that she felt, she even tried to date again but when one of her new friends had walked into her dorm room and seen her kissing a girl she realized she wasn't much a friend at all as she immediately ran off and spread her secret to her other friends who weren't quite as open minded as she had hoped they would be and as her insecurities and fear had bubbled back to the surface she packed her things and went back home to her mother where she once again hid out in her home, her mother wasn't going to allow her to sit around and hide in her bedroom, she would either go back to college and get an education or she would go get a job and was shocked when her mother gave her an envelope full of cash that she had been saving for her since she was born, told her to follow her dreams and not to waste her life so she took her mother's advice and booked a one way ticket to Los Angeles where she got a job being a waitress/singer at a 24/7 diner and it was here she finally started to find some peace with herself, the job was fun for the most part and it provided a great distraction from all her problems and she earned enough to be able to support herself.
She was shocked when after a whole year of working there she was approached after one of her performances by someone who owned a record label who had said she was exactly what they needed at their label and would she come along and try out for a demo and she had agreed to give it a try and see what came of it.
That was almost 8-year years ago and now she has a couple of awards under her belt and plenty of top 10 hits.
So she was surprised when she had received an invite through the post to invite her to a 10 year glee club reunion, she was so sure she would never hear from her friends again, and was even more shocked when the following day when a text message from a number she didn't know came through asking if she had received the invitation and it was signed off with 'Quinn'.
She wasn't sure how Quinn had gotten her number as she had changed it a few years ago, she only assumed it had been her parents, they had tried for years to get her to get back in touch with her friends, and they had eventually giving up when she had returned to Lima after hearing the news of Finn Hudson's death and she didn't want to let her fear and anxiety get in the way of her paying her respects to Finn who had been a good friend, so she had headed back and snuck in at the back of the church and payed her respects before heading back out before anyone would see her.
She had sat for ages trying to decide if she wanted to reply, and when she had decided that yes she would reply, she didn't know what to write, she wasn't sure what she was going to do about the invitation she hadn't had enough time to consider how badly things could potentially go if she showed her face after all this time. In the end and after nearly an hour typing, deleting and retyping she had finally replied with a simple 'Yes'.
That had been 3 weeks ago, and she hasn't had any further messages, and after a week of debating and a lot of pressure from her parents she decided that she would go, that maybe it was time to stop being scared so she had sent back her acceptance.
She finally takes a deep breath and walks up the stairs of McKinley High and pulls the door open and she suddenly feels like she is 18 years old all over again as she walks down the familiar corridor towards the choir room and she has to stop just outside as her hands are trembling and she clenches them into fists to try stop it as she leans her head back against the wall. "come on Santana" she whispers to herself. Inside the room she can hear the laughter of her old friends, she can hear the laughter of Rachel, loud as ever and drowning out almost everyone else, Mercedes laugh is only slighter quieter and despite her nerves she finds herself smiling a little. She listens to see if she can hear the one laugh, she is part hoping, part dreading is there. Brittany's. She wonders if Brittany has even come. Would they even be expecting her to come? They would probably be expecting the cowardly 18-year-old girl who ran away after graduating, maybe they still thought of her as that, but no she was going to change that. The door to the choir room is open and with one final breath and her hands still clenched in a fist she steps into the open and walks inside.
The laughter dies down and all eyes are on her as she stands awkwardly in the middle of the room and she offers a small, nervous smile and a quite 'hi' to everyone, she brings her hands together and clasps them in front of her, completely unsure of what to do, standing here as they all sit in the chairs in front of her feels like no time has passed and they are all still in high school. Its Mike who stands up first "Hey Santana" he smiles, and she is grateful when he opens his arms to embrace her, followed by Tina, Artie, Mercedes, Mr Shue, Sam and surprisingly Rachel. Kurt and Blaine stands from their seats and offer a polite hello and small wave just as Quinn steps down from the back row and walks towards her and she tenses and takes a deep breath expecting the worst, maybe even a slap, god knows she's been on the receiving end of a Quinn Fabray slap many times so when she gets a small smile and Quinn's arms embrace her she's so relieved and she lets out a small chuckle when she hears a quiet 'relax' whispered into her ear.
Brittany is the only one who doesn't get up from her seat and although it makes her a little sad, she doesn't blame her, but Brittany does offer a quiet hello and she nods an acknowledgement.
"Right guys" Mr Schue interrupts and Quinn takes hold of her hand and guides her to the back of the choir room to take a seat. "I am so glad everyone made it back, It's so nice to have everyone take time out of there busy schedules and get back together again so thank you Rachel for organising, I know everyone has busy life's now and getting everyone together is never easy and we just wanted to get together and sing some songs , catch up, I have taught and mentored so many groups of kids since you all graduated 10 years ago, but you lot here is what made me fall in love with singing again, the glee club we have now is only thanks to you all for giving us a chance, we had the popular kids, footballers and the cheerleaders come and mix with something that was considered so uncool but we all stuck together regardless and we created a program that is now considered cool in this school" He grinned when there was some cheers echoed round the room. "and now we have some big stars among us, Rachel, Mercedes and Santana" she smiles as everyone continues to cheer. "But honestly" Mr shue continues "I am so proud of every one of you, each of you have went out there and made a success from your lives and as a teacher that's all I ever want to see happen"
"Thanks Mr Schue" Rachel says from her seat "If it weren't for you, I don't think I would have gotten to where I am now"
"Thanks Rachel, but please guys you can call me Will"
"That just sound weird" Kurt says, and they all agree "Looks like you are stuck with Mr Schue"
Santana watches from the back row as she smiles along with everyone else and gets lost in thought as she starts to remember all the good times she had in this room, at first she only joined because Coach Sylvester wanted them to spy on the club but it hadn't taken her long to fall in love with the club, even though she would have denied it to anyone who asked but she had felt at home in this room, had felt safe, she always knew that when she came into this room she didn't have to pretend to be anyone other than herself.
She is so lost in thought that she jumps when she feels a tap on her shoulder. "Sorry" She says looking at Quinn and then looking around the room. "Rachel was just wondering if you wanted to follow up her song with one of your own?" Quinn asks with a slight smirk on her face as she sees the confusion on her face, apparently, she had zoned out while Rachel sang, maybe somethings hadn't changed much after all.
"Oh, I... I It's okay" She says, and she sounds far from the confident cocky teenager that they all remember.
"Go on Santana" Rachel encourages "I have been following your music over the years and you are amazing"
"Yeah" Artie says looking up at her "That last album is one of my favourites, come on, treat us to like a secret unreleased song or something, not every day we have popstars for friends, that should come with some benefits" he shrugs and offers another smile and she returns it, even if it was just a throwaway comment, the fact her still considered her a friend made her feel a little better.
She did have a song she knew, one she had written after she had come out to her family, it had been written for years but never released, but if there was anyone in the world who she could share this song with for the first time, then she guessed here was the perfect chance.
With a sigh she nodded her head and stood up and she hoped she didn't look as nervous as she felt, her legs were like jelly, which was stupid really, she has been less nervous when performing in front of thousands of fans all over the world, but this was personal and she knew she needed to apologize and explain, so grabbing her hands together in front of her to stop them shaking so much she took a deep breath as she began to explain.