Naruto VS. One Piece
Pirates Vs. Ninja; the TV special
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or One Piece. I'd love to, though. Either one would be cool too.
Intro: This is a one-shot drabble. I sorta-kind-of thought of this idea while I was taking a walk. It may have been in February with almost 6 inches of snow on the ground but the heck if I'm paying for gas at these prices just for toothpaste and peanut butter! Don't expect too much from this, I'm doing this for my own amusement (as with all things I do).
The following encounters are for entertainment purposes only. The people you see in these engagements are professionals, and their actions should not be mimicked by viewers at home. Tigee86 and his hosting site cannot be held responsible for any injuries that occur because of attempts to re-enact these scenes. The following is an artistic rendering of possible outcomes, Tigee86 is not a professional investigator and his results cannot be entered into a legal court of any means…
Tonight on Pirates VS. Ninjas we'll be seeing the casts of two iconic anime going head to head in an all-out slugfest of close combat, special techniques, sneaky tactics and brutality! Tonight only, see the cunning shadow masters of Naruto take on the bull-dog stubborn scourge of the seas, the pirates of One Piece! Men and women alike will be showcasing their remarkable talents for you, the viewer, in this one of a kind brouhaha of epic proportions! If you had to use the bathroom, it's too late because only a lack wit would miss even a moment of this incredible action!!
(Scene Change; Black screen with Pirates Vs. Ninjas emblazoned across it in acid green. Screen lights up, showing the inside of a restaurant. Camera focuses on a back corner booth where a large and hefty teen wearing an odd outfit sits, eating an enormous meal. His most defining facial feature; a pinkish swirl that covered each of large cheeks. Camera pans over to the door where a skinny youth wearing cargo pants, a sleeveless red shirt, and a straw hat and sandals combo walks in. Scene set.)
-
-
Grinning, the skinny teen walks straight up to the nearest waitress. "Hi! I want a HUGE plate of drumsticks and meat and keep it coming! Ooh! And root beer, lots it ok!" The waitress gave a friendly, but apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry sir, but that customer in the corner booth ordered the last of our meat platters. I could make you a nice salad if you want?" The skinny black-haired youth gaped at her, his eyes wide and blank white. The waitress's smile turned uncomfortable as she waited. When he didn't snap out of it in a few minutes, she quietly drifted away. As she did, he snapped out of it and looked over at the corner. Seeing the larger boy gobbling down the meat, the skinny teen snorted and began stomping over, fists clenched.
"You! You're eating my meat! Give it or else!" The heavy-set boy paused, then scowled at the other boy.
"No way. I ordered it, I'm eating it, and I'm not going to give it up!"
The skinnier teen narrowed his eyes, lifting his right arm, and reaching his left over to grip his right bicep. "I want the meat, so…"
* * * * * * * *
It was a lovely day today. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the market was lively and business was doing well on all fronts.
"Gum Gum Pistol!"
BOOM!!!!!
In the wink of an eye, the local citizens scattered to the nearest bit of safety. The happy port city might not have had a ninja village or a pirate port nearby, but it was a port city; things happened.
Shaking his head, Choji Akimichi, young shin obi of Konoha reoriented himself as he sat up from the crater in the wall across the street where that weird skinny stranger had knocked him. 'What hit me? I saw him move, he was standing across the table and he swung and…his arm stretched!!' "Why that…he used a body expansion technique to steal an Akimichi's dinner!?! I won't let him get away with this!"
Inside the restaurant, a happy Monkey D. Luffy chowed down on remained of the meat plattered. Normally, he wouldn't quite so rude about the whole meal thing but he was HUNGRY and this was the last of the meat! He couldn't just not eat.
Happily for our viewers, this single-minded young pirate captain didn't think of just walking down the street to another place. Let's see what happens between these too.'
"Bubun Baika no Jutsu!" Pow!! "Nobody eats the last of an Akimichi's meal but an Akimichi! I'm gonna beat you senseless!" Huffing, Luffy got to his feet.
"FOOOOODD!!!!" Drawing his arm back, Luffy lashed out fist rocketing forward. Choji braced his arms in a defensive posture, grunting as he absorbed the hit. Growling, Luffy drew a deep breathe. "Gum Gum Rapid Fire!"
Choji's eyes widened "Oh crap…"
!!!!!!!!!
Groaning, Choji raised his abused arms, which shook with the strain of taking hundreds of blows is seconds. "Ok…" Choji gritted out. "No more mister nice Akimichi. Baika no Jutsu!" Luffy laughed.
"That's it, hehe, I can do that!"
"Meat Tank!" Choji's chakra laced voice boomed as his head and limbs disappeared inside his body, forming an enormous clothed ball. That's when the shin obi started rotating at his speed, creating an ominous whining sound.
Luffy's expression went slack. "Hmm, I think that's bad…"
* * * * * * * *
"Aaaahhhhhh! Someone help me! Heeeeeelp!" Screams and panicking civilians lead Luffy's mad retreat from the rolling live wrecking ball. "I've got to do something before I get flattened!" Mentally scrambling for anything to save his hide, Luffy had a moment of inspiration. Spinning one heel, Luffy faced down his pursuer.
"Gum Gum Return Net!" Throwing out both of his legs and arms, the pirate captain braced himself for impact. There was a high pitched whining sound as Choji's blown-up body strained to run over the rubber man. Luffy groaned out loud as his body struggled to hold in place. "Ha…it worked." With a twang, Luffy snapped back and Choji went flying. With a bang, the ninja hit a wall down the street and revert to normal. Roaring, Luffy charged, tackling the downed shin obi. Screaming incoherently, the two teens wrestled furiously, fists and elbows flying. After several minutes of struggle, Luffy managed to lever his arm under the other boy and heave him away. Rising to his feet, Luffy laughed.
"Take that, fatty!"
Laughing again, Luffy didn't notice the temperature drop. "I win, and the meat is all mi-!"
Ka-Poww!!!
* * * * * * * *
Looking serene, Choji munched on the very last leg of meat. All around, the dust from the destruction of the street and shops was still settling, and the people still hadn't come out yet.
"Oh well." Choji mumbled quietly. "At least I got the last bite.
Surprisingly mild for a fight between two groups of people know for violent tendencies, but I suppose not everyone can be a walking engine of battle and destruction. When we come back from these messages, we'll see what happens when a marksmen and a weapons mistress find themselves engaged in battle!
"And now, our last contestant; Tenten!" Smiling, Tenten waved to the crowd, displaying a kunai in her other hand. Today was a vacation day for her. After a C-rank mission that did not end well(mostly for the other side, but still unpleasantly for team Gai), the genin team and their jounin sensei had decided to just relax for a day. Heck, even Gai and Lee were taking it easy! Feeling content, the young weapons mistress had wandered through the local village, taking in the sites. During her lay stroll she had come across, of all things, a marksmen contest! Joining on a lark, Tenten had breezed her way through the contest and now stood posed to win. Breathing easily, Tenten lined up her throw, and then hurled her kunai.
Thud
"Bulls-eye for Ms. Tenten! Now if the judges would tally her score?" Smirking, put a hand on her hip, waiting for the announcement of her victory. The judges gathered around the target and began whispering to each other. Soon, they turned and walked to the announcer. Nodding, he waited til they were done before speaking into the microphone. "We have a dead-head for first place. Would Ms. Tenten and Mr. Usopp please come up to the throwing line?" Tenten blinked in surprise as a homely looking, long-nosed teenager a few years older then herself stepped up to the line. Tenten's eyebrow began twitching as her competitor instantly began bragging that he had this victory in the bag and that the first place prize would be his.
"What first place prize?"
"5,000 ryou , miss." Tenten thought that over as everyone cleared out.
"The final two contestants will face off in a final throw. The one who gets closest to the center of the target wins the contest. Are the contestants ready?" Tenten and Usopp nodded. "Mr. Usopp you're up first."
"Ha ha! Captain Usopp, dreaded pirate of the seas, shall win this contest easily!" Lifting his weapon, a slingshot, Usopp aimed.
Thwap!
"A direct hit! Let's see if Miss Tenten can beat that." Nodding to the judges, Tenten stepped up the throwing line and drew a kunai, lined it up. Breathing out, Tenten hurled her kunai. However, as she released, something tapped her elbow. It was almost unnoticeable, but because of it, her kunai flew down the lane and landed…solidly at the outside of the bull's-eye. Ignoring the announcer declaring Usopp the victory, Tenten managed to glance Usopp pocketing an almost invisible rod.
'Oh that CHEAT!! That loser better not think he's going to get away with this!'
* * * * * * * *
Cackling, Usopp skipped down the road, clutching a roll of the local currency. The Merry Go had stopped in this land for an emergency resupply, only to learn that they didn't take Berri. That throwing contest had been a lucky find. With this, they could grab what they needed and leave in no time!
"It's so easy for the great captain Usopp, the greatest pirate of them all!"
Slinck Thud Thunk thunk Shicnk!!!
Usopp froze as a number of different kinds of blades hit the ground in a circle around his feet. Sweating, Usopp slowly turned to face his attacker…who turned out to be the girl he had cheated out of the prize money. 'Badbabdbadbad!! Does she know?!'
"I don't really need the money, and I only entered the contest on a whim, but you ruined my perfect aim and for that you shall pay in BLOOD you miserable BASTARD!!" Whimpering, Usopp ran, ran like the Devil was right behind him with a pitchfork.
* * * * * * * *
"Eeekkk! Come on lady, please don't kill me!"
"I'm not going to kill you, just maim you… a lot!! Fu fu fu!" Shrieking in fright, Usopp dodged right, barely avoiding a brace of those spade-shaped throwing knives. Weaving left back towards the road, the long-nosed marksmen kept hauling ass, praying for a miracle. While, err, 'easily startled', Usopp did tend to fight back when and where he could. Unfortunately, his pursuer was also an expert sniper…and she had much nastier toys.
'I've got to the crazy girl off my back. What can I do?!' Reaching into his trusty ammo pouch, Usopp began sorting through his shots by touch, continuing to weave back and forth down the road at top speed. "A-ha!" He shouted, finding the perfect solution to his problem. Drawing a small glass sphere from the bag, Usopp loaded his slingshot and whirled. The suddenness of the movement surprised the bun-haired girl behind him and she was unable to dodge as Usopp shot the sphere at her feet where it shattered and unleashed a spray of white paste that hardened instantly and rooted her to the ground.
"Bwa-ha ha! Beware Captain Usopp's dreaded Glue Star technique! With this, you'll be trapped for hours while I return to my ship in victory!" Posing dramatically, Usopp didn't pay much attention to his opponent taking an odd-looking pair of scrolls; what she supposed to do with rolls of paper, right?
"Soushouryuu!" Usopp blanched as a pair of smoke-like dragons rose into the air before popping to create hundreds of a couple dozen different types of weapons, all razor sharp. "Take this, BASTARD!"
* * * * * * * *
The crew of the Merry Go stared as their friend/marksmen/weapon developer Usopp staggered up the plank, bleeding slowly from countless shallow wounds across his body. The only sign of what happened, a snapped piece of wire wrapped around his leg. The ship's doctor, Chopper, approached first.
"Usopp! Usopp what happened!"
"Girl…pink…dragons…so, so many pointy things."
Mass blinking followed that gurgled comment.
"Pointy things?"
Usopp shrieked and collapsed, getting a panicked and swift response from Chopper, who began treating him.
"Aaayyyiiiieeee!!! You're not supposed to throw those!"
Well, it seems that the Ninja are solidly ahead with 2 wins to a big fat Zero for the Pirates. A surprise upset for the big hitter of the ship Merry Go and a near flawless win for the Konoha mistress of projectiles. If this trend continues then the Ninja crew of the Naruto cast are headed to an contested victory of the eternal question on the minds of young men everywhere…
Pirates or Ninja; who's better?
When we come back, we'll have a surprise match between two of or contestants. Stay tuned to see who slugs it out next on Pirates Vs. Ninja!
Author's Note: Hold the torches and pitchforks! I can explain myself! Now, I know it's not another chapter of RSDM, but the Muses have spoken, and honestly, danced interpretively. I had this idea a while back, and I couldn't get it to go away, despite being so silly. Hopefully, now that it's out in the open I can get back to the main event. This may or may not get updated as I receive bizarre day dreams.
Anyways, toodles!