Author's Note: This is my first JtHM/IFS comic. Exciting, isn't it? Well,
I wanted to push the story a little further along getting some more of my
own versions of character development in here and there. I didn't however,
want to tie any knots between Nny and Devi or provide an end to the story,
so basically all this does is add more to the story and perhaps provide
some closure. If you don't like it, tough.
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and I Feel Sick are created by and copyrighted Jhonen Vasquez, the most neato comic book person I can think of… SO THANK HIM FOR YOUR EXISTANCE!!! Now on with the show! Yay!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Devi sat alone in the corner of her room, surrounded by her paintings. Sickness was still with her. After what she did to that disgusting piece of work, it still followed her and haunted her mind constantly. She let out a sigh.
* Aw, what's wrong, Devi? Disappointed you didn't get what you wanted? *
"I didn't want you. I took away your power."
* Yes, but that doesn't mean you're not a slave to something. *
"I'm not a slave to you. That's a start," Devi muttered. She glared outside the blinds of the window. "There it is. My world. Soon once things get back to normal, you'll see everything I had to put up with. I'll bring you to my new job. I'll bring you on my dates. You'll be the sad tortured audience of my sufferings, just as I promised." She reached into her bag, and fondled the small metal screws. Those two jagged screws were all that was left of Sickness, besides her voice. It was quite an ordeal. The painting of a doll in the artist's likeness. The painting that became real. The doll that tried to overtake her creator. Devi refused. She jabbed Sickness' body back into the canvas and removed her two eyes, forever keeping them with her as a reminder. She gently let go of the screws. "I'll never win, but I won't let myself lose to you."
The phone rang. Devi picked it up hesitantly. "Wet Jim-" Devi started with her usual routine attempt to drive away callers.
"It's MEEEEE-heeeeeee!" said the familiar voice on the other end.
"Oh, hi Tenna," she said, relieved.
"I wanted to see how you were doing. I felt like it's been ages since we were together, watching the fat lady's death. Heh," Tenna said with a chuckle.
"Yeah. Let me guess, you wanna come over and try to drag me into the world…?" Devi hissed.
"Bingo."
"You are so predictable, Ten."
Tenna hastily joined Devi, knocking on her door. "It's me! Don't worry!" She shouted.
"Come in." Devi stood up from her corner. "So, why are you here again?"
"Devi, tell me it's over. You know, the whole 'losing my mind' thing. Please, you really need to get out now. You know, the world," said Tenna, sympathetically. "Don't you think you've hidden away long enough?"
"If you're talking about him, then that's really not my concern anymore," Devi explained, referring to her best and worst date, Johnny C. He was so nice. He was sweet and intelligent.
* But he pulled knives on you. *
She was so close to becoming happy, and making him happy at the same time. For a second, she thought she was healed from her problems with him. He smiled at her sweetly. That was the last time she saw that side of him. He stormed out of the room, rambling that he was happy, then tried to kill her. Panic stricken, she kicked his ass, slammed his face into the mirror, and ran for her life. That was a new low for her, but she was getting over him. Or was she? He was the last person she had thought about before quitting her job.
* Your friend thought he could fight. *
She knew Sickness was referring to him. Why? What did it mean? What did that have to do with her?
"Soooo….. If that's not the case, watcha thinkin' about?" Tenna inquired with a sly smile.
"Nothing." Devi mumbled.
"Then…. TALK TO SPOOKY!!!!" (squeek squeek) Tenna held out the little skeleton toy in front of Devi's face.
"For the last time, get that thing away from me."
Tenna patted Spooky on the head. "She loves you, Spooky. Don't worry, she'll warm up to ya someday. So, Devi, absolutely nothing is bothering you?"
Devi let out a sigh, and looked down at the ground. It was an obvious look of torment.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Johnny sat on the hood of his beat up car, parked upon an abandoned lot set on a hilltop outside his usual area. It was dark, and clouds draped over the stars. The city was far away, so this time, there were no lights below him. No people to look down upon. He folded his arms for a moment to think, then took out a small book.
Dear Die-ary,
I've been away from my house for a month now, and I've yet to find the secret that will allow me to drain those excess thoughts and desires. I still can't help but think about how stupid some of them are. What hurts even more is to realize how stupid I've been. I've always known how fucked up my mind was, but I let it get worse. Looking down from this hill, I'm reminded of her. I still don't understand what I was thinking. I tried to kill her. I tried to kill her just like all the others. For the fear of her being like them. I know it's useless to assume that someone will hurt you, but it was frightening. I didn't want to lose that happiness. I took the advice of my worst half. No one can freeze happiness. I'm happy she's alive, but now I hate myself even more. Johnny C.
He put the book down next to him, and looked down into the darkness below him.
* You're always a slave to something. *
Johnny would never accept this as true. No matter what, he would have control this time. His mind was what tormented him the most. He was sick, but he was intelligent. He figured there had to be a way to start over. He'd been from heaven to hell and back, so there had to be a way for him to flush out the past. He hated himself for giving in to desire, but to him, that's all anyone ever did. It was a world of slaves. Slaves to conformity, slaves to verbal abuse, slaves to love, slaves to insanity… He shook his head. The situation stunk. There would be no easy fix. He wondered what had ever happened to the voice of Nail Bunny, his only voice of reason. He thought about Devi again, and his attempt to apologize a few months after his mistake. He cringed. How could he have been so stupid…?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Devi followed Tenna outside. She was leaving her house. That could only mean one thing… trouble. The freaks and psychos were probably lining up for her now. While her date with Johnny was by far the most frightening and disturbing, she had seen it all. Vampires with smoke bombs. Gross brain eating zombies. Creepy horny teenagers with literally no brains at all. She had told Tenna everything, but of course she thought that she was exaggerating. Who in the right mind would believe such a load of bizarre crap? Tenna was there, however, when they tried to call him again. Johnny C, also known as Nny. After the police had done nothing to help or search his house after the attacks, Tenna had convinced her to call, predicting that he had fled by now to get away from authorities. He had picked up the phone. It was his voice, a hesitant weak "hello." Suddenly, there was a loud bang, and a shriek that was not his. Suicide? Or was he shot? Either way, she heard his body land on the ground, and the phone drop as well. He had died, she kept thinking to herself, to keep herself sane. He was gone. Tenna heard exactly what she heard on that phone. That was why she had never told Tenna about his call. That was why it disturbed her so. He was supposed to be dead, but he wasn't. She had snapped. She screamed into the phone, cursing him, explaining how horrible her life had become, cringing in fear because of him. She promised that she would be the one to make her happy. She would not accept his apology, and she promised that if he ever tried to kill her again, she'd lose her boot down his throat. She demanded he speak once more, screamed at him, shouting expletives, and hung up. That was the last time she ever heard from him.
"Devi, hey! Snap out of it!" Tenna exclaimed. She poked Devi's shoulder.
"So, where are we? Oh yeah." She looked up at the sign of the "Eat or Die" Chinese restaurant. They went in and sat down in a booth. "You're right, this is a good idea. I haven't eaten in days."
"Devi, c'mon. Tell me what's bothering you! You'll feel better, you know I'm right!" Tenna demanded, giving Spooky a friendly little squeek.
"It's just that… I'm… I…." Devi paused. "I think I'll order the chicken and noodles."
Tenna smacked her forehead. "How can you so easily dodge the question of your friend?"
* You don't want to tell her, do you, Devi? That you are becoming that monster you feared. You are just like your friend… *
"Devi, you look sick. Are you sure you're not on crack?" Tenna asked, dully.
"No!" Devi shouted. She stood up. "This was a bad idea. Let's just… go home. Ten?" Devi looked over at Tenna, who looked angered with her decision. "What?! I told you, I don't want to be here! I have enough to worry about already, so I'd rather just think about it and sort it out in MY room, without the world and without you!"
Tenna stepped back. "What the fuck is your problem?! You tell me that nothing is wrong with you, and then you pull this 'I need to go think by myself' bullshit on me?! Jeezus, Devi! You really don't feel anything! Do you even remember the last time you smiled?! I've only tried to help, but you're beyond me now, obviously. You don't need MY help! Well fine! Go talk to your paintings all you want! Spooky and I will be home having fun while you mope!" With that, Tenna stomped out in a huff. Devi sighed. She didn't really mean for Tenna to get that angry, but she did want to drive her away for a while. She went back to her apartment.
* So Devi, you want to talk a bit? Maybe reconsider the mistakes of your past and make a new future? Yessss…. I can still help you… make you invincible… capable of ANYTHING! Murder, revenge, fantasy, passion… You can have anything you want, Devi. What do you say we put the past behind us? *
"Mistakes of my past, eh? The only mistake I made was ever creating you. But if not for that, you still would have showed up somehow. You're not me anymore."
* True. Yes, I am me. But I have all your interests in mind. Don't you want that power? You could still be… *
"Capable of anything. So Johnny was capable of anything. That's why he lived in a broken down hell shack and tried to kill me. That's why he hated himself. That's why he shot himself…. That's why… he still came back… I don't know… or want to know… much more about him… BUT WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO MURDER?! Who do you think I want revenge upon?! The only one who's really screwed now is me. I don't need your offers, and I'm not setting you free. You're through. I'm over you. I can just make something else, once I know what I want!…" She stood up and looked around. People were staring at her. She had been talking to herself. What a kick in the face. "Hmph." With that, she put her hands in her pockets and left for home.
She opened the door to her apartment, then when wide eyed with surprise. Her expression then went back to its usual indifferent glare. "I should have known. What do you want?"
Tenna stood there smiling. "Aw, c'mon. You're glad to see me, aren't ya? I know you are!"
"No really. I'm not. I really need to get some work done. You know, work, the stuff you do alone without the meddling help of others." Devi took Tenna by the arm and led her to the door.
"Devi! I may not be some caved up artist genius or anything, but I do know that when there's a problem, you gotta fix it! The first step-"
"Get out Tenna!" Devi started to try and slam the door shut, but Tenna was still holding it open.
"….The first step is to let someone hel-"
"I don't need anyone's help! I don't want anyone's help! And maybe I don't even want to know what's wrong with me now! The last time, I found out that because I blew chalk into some kid's face when I was in first grade that I can never again have any hopes for my future in human relationships! What's next?! Do YOU want to see me become a homicidal freak who lives in an abandoned wreck and spends time chasing hopeful people around with knives?!" Devi shrieked.
"Dear lord! It IS about him!" Tenna gave a great push, and Devi fell backwards. "As much as I love these door fights, I really think we ought to talk now. So this is about that… 'knee' guy?"
"Nny… He was so nice… That's what I thought anyway. Just another slap in the face. Until I found out that I've started turning into him." Devi's voice was quite somber.
Tenna blinked, a bit in shock. "What the-?!"
"That doll painting, Sickness, it became a doll thing. It was real. Either that, or I've lost all my sanity." Devi sat up and rested her elbows on her knees. "She said that he led her to me. Sickness must be part of whatever made Nny…" Devi's eyes widened and she hugged her knees. "Oh god… he told me that he used to paint. He was intelligent. He was creative. They used him, and stole that. So his rerouting was just like what he said… acts of murder and insanity…. Beyond redemption!"
"Ya know what? Don't worry about him. You're little doll painting telling you these things is probably just the manifestation of your anxieties. Anyway, there's nothing you can do now. He's dead. You heard it too. Probably suicide. Or maybe one of his OTHER victims. You never know," Tenna said with a shrug.
"Then maybe I should tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"He called me. A while ago before I created Sickness. Dead people don't use our mortal phone lines, Ten. I just don't get it. I wish he had just stayed dead, but no. He called and I blew up at him. He deserved it, but apparently, it's done nothing for me." Devi glared at the phone. "In a way, I want him to call again. Sometimes I feel like he is my friend. Like someone I could relate to. But he scares the shit out of me. Is it really worth it?"
"Sounds like you DO need to see him again. So… Let's go!" Tenna grabbed Devi's arm.
"W-what the hell?!"
"Listen, real friends don't know how to stop. So I, as a true friend, will drag your resisting weight across the ends of the earth until we find this 'knee' guy!" Tenna grabbed Spooky with a squeek and led Devi out the door.
"No this is stupid! I don't want to see him!" Devi tried to pull away, but then began thinking about it. Maybe Nny could help her. With a sigh, she let Tenna pull her along.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
So, did ya make it through part one? Remember, R/R and I will be a happy little bunny. ^_^
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and I Feel Sick are created by and copyrighted Jhonen Vasquez, the most neato comic book person I can think of… SO THANK HIM FOR YOUR EXISTANCE!!! Now on with the show! Yay!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Devi sat alone in the corner of her room, surrounded by her paintings. Sickness was still with her. After what she did to that disgusting piece of work, it still followed her and haunted her mind constantly. She let out a sigh.
* Aw, what's wrong, Devi? Disappointed you didn't get what you wanted? *
"I didn't want you. I took away your power."
* Yes, but that doesn't mean you're not a slave to something. *
"I'm not a slave to you. That's a start," Devi muttered. She glared outside the blinds of the window. "There it is. My world. Soon once things get back to normal, you'll see everything I had to put up with. I'll bring you to my new job. I'll bring you on my dates. You'll be the sad tortured audience of my sufferings, just as I promised." She reached into her bag, and fondled the small metal screws. Those two jagged screws were all that was left of Sickness, besides her voice. It was quite an ordeal. The painting of a doll in the artist's likeness. The painting that became real. The doll that tried to overtake her creator. Devi refused. She jabbed Sickness' body back into the canvas and removed her two eyes, forever keeping them with her as a reminder. She gently let go of the screws. "I'll never win, but I won't let myself lose to you."
The phone rang. Devi picked it up hesitantly. "Wet Jim-" Devi started with her usual routine attempt to drive away callers.
"It's MEEEEE-heeeeeee!" said the familiar voice on the other end.
"Oh, hi Tenna," she said, relieved.
"I wanted to see how you were doing. I felt like it's been ages since we were together, watching the fat lady's death. Heh," Tenna said with a chuckle.
"Yeah. Let me guess, you wanna come over and try to drag me into the world…?" Devi hissed.
"Bingo."
"You are so predictable, Ten."
Tenna hastily joined Devi, knocking on her door. "It's me! Don't worry!" She shouted.
"Come in." Devi stood up from her corner. "So, why are you here again?"
"Devi, tell me it's over. You know, the whole 'losing my mind' thing. Please, you really need to get out now. You know, the world," said Tenna, sympathetically. "Don't you think you've hidden away long enough?"
"If you're talking about him, then that's really not my concern anymore," Devi explained, referring to her best and worst date, Johnny C. He was so nice. He was sweet and intelligent.
* But he pulled knives on you. *
She was so close to becoming happy, and making him happy at the same time. For a second, she thought she was healed from her problems with him. He smiled at her sweetly. That was the last time she saw that side of him. He stormed out of the room, rambling that he was happy, then tried to kill her. Panic stricken, she kicked his ass, slammed his face into the mirror, and ran for her life. That was a new low for her, but she was getting over him. Or was she? He was the last person she had thought about before quitting her job.
* Your friend thought he could fight. *
She knew Sickness was referring to him. Why? What did it mean? What did that have to do with her?
"Soooo….. If that's not the case, watcha thinkin' about?" Tenna inquired with a sly smile.
"Nothing." Devi mumbled.
"Then…. TALK TO SPOOKY!!!!" (squeek squeek) Tenna held out the little skeleton toy in front of Devi's face.
"For the last time, get that thing away from me."
Tenna patted Spooky on the head. "She loves you, Spooky. Don't worry, she'll warm up to ya someday. So, Devi, absolutely nothing is bothering you?"
Devi let out a sigh, and looked down at the ground. It was an obvious look of torment.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Johnny sat on the hood of his beat up car, parked upon an abandoned lot set on a hilltop outside his usual area. It was dark, and clouds draped over the stars. The city was far away, so this time, there were no lights below him. No people to look down upon. He folded his arms for a moment to think, then took out a small book.
Dear Die-ary,
I've been away from my house for a month now, and I've yet to find the secret that will allow me to drain those excess thoughts and desires. I still can't help but think about how stupid some of them are. What hurts even more is to realize how stupid I've been. I've always known how fucked up my mind was, but I let it get worse. Looking down from this hill, I'm reminded of her. I still don't understand what I was thinking. I tried to kill her. I tried to kill her just like all the others. For the fear of her being like them. I know it's useless to assume that someone will hurt you, but it was frightening. I didn't want to lose that happiness. I took the advice of my worst half. No one can freeze happiness. I'm happy she's alive, but now I hate myself even more. Johnny C.
He put the book down next to him, and looked down into the darkness below him.
* You're always a slave to something. *
Johnny would never accept this as true. No matter what, he would have control this time. His mind was what tormented him the most. He was sick, but he was intelligent. He figured there had to be a way to start over. He'd been from heaven to hell and back, so there had to be a way for him to flush out the past. He hated himself for giving in to desire, but to him, that's all anyone ever did. It was a world of slaves. Slaves to conformity, slaves to verbal abuse, slaves to love, slaves to insanity… He shook his head. The situation stunk. There would be no easy fix. He wondered what had ever happened to the voice of Nail Bunny, his only voice of reason. He thought about Devi again, and his attempt to apologize a few months after his mistake. He cringed. How could he have been so stupid…?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Devi followed Tenna outside. She was leaving her house. That could only mean one thing… trouble. The freaks and psychos were probably lining up for her now. While her date with Johnny was by far the most frightening and disturbing, she had seen it all. Vampires with smoke bombs. Gross brain eating zombies. Creepy horny teenagers with literally no brains at all. She had told Tenna everything, but of course she thought that she was exaggerating. Who in the right mind would believe such a load of bizarre crap? Tenna was there, however, when they tried to call him again. Johnny C, also known as Nny. After the police had done nothing to help or search his house after the attacks, Tenna had convinced her to call, predicting that he had fled by now to get away from authorities. He had picked up the phone. It was his voice, a hesitant weak "hello." Suddenly, there was a loud bang, and a shriek that was not his. Suicide? Or was he shot? Either way, she heard his body land on the ground, and the phone drop as well. He had died, she kept thinking to herself, to keep herself sane. He was gone. Tenna heard exactly what she heard on that phone. That was why she had never told Tenna about his call. That was why it disturbed her so. He was supposed to be dead, but he wasn't. She had snapped. She screamed into the phone, cursing him, explaining how horrible her life had become, cringing in fear because of him. She promised that she would be the one to make her happy. She would not accept his apology, and she promised that if he ever tried to kill her again, she'd lose her boot down his throat. She demanded he speak once more, screamed at him, shouting expletives, and hung up. That was the last time she ever heard from him.
"Devi, hey! Snap out of it!" Tenna exclaimed. She poked Devi's shoulder.
"So, where are we? Oh yeah." She looked up at the sign of the "Eat or Die" Chinese restaurant. They went in and sat down in a booth. "You're right, this is a good idea. I haven't eaten in days."
"Devi, c'mon. Tell me what's bothering you! You'll feel better, you know I'm right!" Tenna demanded, giving Spooky a friendly little squeek.
"It's just that… I'm… I…." Devi paused. "I think I'll order the chicken and noodles."
Tenna smacked her forehead. "How can you so easily dodge the question of your friend?"
* You don't want to tell her, do you, Devi? That you are becoming that monster you feared. You are just like your friend… *
"Devi, you look sick. Are you sure you're not on crack?" Tenna asked, dully.
"No!" Devi shouted. She stood up. "This was a bad idea. Let's just… go home. Ten?" Devi looked over at Tenna, who looked angered with her decision. "What?! I told you, I don't want to be here! I have enough to worry about already, so I'd rather just think about it and sort it out in MY room, without the world and without you!"
Tenna stepped back. "What the fuck is your problem?! You tell me that nothing is wrong with you, and then you pull this 'I need to go think by myself' bullshit on me?! Jeezus, Devi! You really don't feel anything! Do you even remember the last time you smiled?! I've only tried to help, but you're beyond me now, obviously. You don't need MY help! Well fine! Go talk to your paintings all you want! Spooky and I will be home having fun while you mope!" With that, Tenna stomped out in a huff. Devi sighed. She didn't really mean for Tenna to get that angry, but she did want to drive her away for a while. She went back to her apartment.
* So Devi, you want to talk a bit? Maybe reconsider the mistakes of your past and make a new future? Yessss…. I can still help you… make you invincible… capable of ANYTHING! Murder, revenge, fantasy, passion… You can have anything you want, Devi. What do you say we put the past behind us? *
"Mistakes of my past, eh? The only mistake I made was ever creating you. But if not for that, you still would have showed up somehow. You're not me anymore."
* True. Yes, I am me. But I have all your interests in mind. Don't you want that power? You could still be… *
"Capable of anything. So Johnny was capable of anything. That's why he lived in a broken down hell shack and tried to kill me. That's why he hated himself. That's why he shot himself…. That's why… he still came back… I don't know… or want to know… much more about him… BUT WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO MURDER?! Who do you think I want revenge upon?! The only one who's really screwed now is me. I don't need your offers, and I'm not setting you free. You're through. I'm over you. I can just make something else, once I know what I want!…" She stood up and looked around. People were staring at her. She had been talking to herself. What a kick in the face. "Hmph." With that, she put her hands in her pockets and left for home.
She opened the door to her apartment, then when wide eyed with surprise. Her expression then went back to its usual indifferent glare. "I should have known. What do you want?"
Tenna stood there smiling. "Aw, c'mon. You're glad to see me, aren't ya? I know you are!"
"No really. I'm not. I really need to get some work done. You know, work, the stuff you do alone without the meddling help of others." Devi took Tenna by the arm and led her to the door.
"Devi! I may not be some caved up artist genius or anything, but I do know that when there's a problem, you gotta fix it! The first step-"
"Get out Tenna!" Devi started to try and slam the door shut, but Tenna was still holding it open.
"….The first step is to let someone hel-"
"I don't need anyone's help! I don't want anyone's help! And maybe I don't even want to know what's wrong with me now! The last time, I found out that because I blew chalk into some kid's face when I was in first grade that I can never again have any hopes for my future in human relationships! What's next?! Do YOU want to see me become a homicidal freak who lives in an abandoned wreck and spends time chasing hopeful people around with knives?!" Devi shrieked.
"Dear lord! It IS about him!" Tenna gave a great push, and Devi fell backwards. "As much as I love these door fights, I really think we ought to talk now. So this is about that… 'knee' guy?"
"Nny… He was so nice… That's what I thought anyway. Just another slap in the face. Until I found out that I've started turning into him." Devi's voice was quite somber.
Tenna blinked, a bit in shock. "What the-?!"
"That doll painting, Sickness, it became a doll thing. It was real. Either that, or I've lost all my sanity." Devi sat up and rested her elbows on her knees. "She said that he led her to me. Sickness must be part of whatever made Nny…" Devi's eyes widened and she hugged her knees. "Oh god… he told me that he used to paint. He was intelligent. He was creative. They used him, and stole that. So his rerouting was just like what he said… acts of murder and insanity…. Beyond redemption!"
"Ya know what? Don't worry about him. You're little doll painting telling you these things is probably just the manifestation of your anxieties. Anyway, there's nothing you can do now. He's dead. You heard it too. Probably suicide. Or maybe one of his OTHER victims. You never know," Tenna said with a shrug.
"Then maybe I should tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"He called me. A while ago before I created Sickness. Dead people don't use our mortal phone lines, Ten. I just don't get it. I wish he had just stayed dead, but no. He called and I blew up at him. He deserved it, but apparently, it's done nothing for me." Devi glared at the phone. "In a way, I want him to call again. Sometimes I feel like he is my friend. Like someone I could relate to. But he scares the shit out of me. Is it really worth it?"
"Sounds like you DO need to see him again. So… Let's go!" Tenna grabbed Devi's arm.
"W-what the hell?!"
"Listen, real friends don't know how to stop. So I, as a true friend, will drag your resisting weight across the ends of the earth until we find this 'knee' guy!" Tenna grabbed Spooky with a squeek and led Devi out the door.
"No this is stupid! I don't want to see him!" Devi tried to pull away, but then began thinking about it. Maybe Nny could help her. With a sigh, she let Tenna pull her along.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
So, did ya make it through part one? Remember, R/R and I will be a happy little bunny. ^_^