My first attempt at writing Slapstick.
Even as Jon Snow was pelted by Drogon's fiery blaze, he never felt the fire's burning touch. He opened his eyes feeling lost in his own bed in Winterfell.
Arya wasn't sure what she was expecting from this morning's breakfast. Maybe Sansa would figure out just who it was who planted goat shit under her mattress? Maybe she found out about the boots? Perhaps it was the secret sugar she planted in the lemon cakes? She had not been expecting her older brother Jon to be the one making a scene. Especially with her mother at the table.
Lady Catelyn Stark was furious.
Jon hadn't seemed to notice. Or he didn't care. Her brother could be really stupid sometimes.
"It is of the utmost importance, Lord Stark." Jon had burst into the hall moments prior ranting and raving like a mad hound after a limping rabbit. "My Queen is in danger!"
Arya didn't know why her older brother was so fixated on the Queen of Westeros. And apparently no one else knew why either going by the confused looks on their faces.
Her lady mother was only heartbeatsaway from sending him away and calling him "bastard." Arya hated it when her mother called Jon a bastard. He couldn't help that he was born from another woman. Arya thought her mother was stupid for that.
Her Lord father, Eddard Stark was staring at Jon as if he was a wounded puppy. "What is this business of queens, Jon?"
Her mother did not like that her father was indulging her stupid older brother.
Jon didn't miss a beat. "She's in danger, I must find her immediately."
Theon who was sat by Robb began to choke on wine. Arya hoped the Greyjoy ward would die on it. She didn't like Theon, he was rude, stupid, and could be mean at times.
She didn't understand why Robb liked Theon so much. Maybe it was because they were both idiots.
"If it troubles you so, I can have Maester Luwin write to Kingslanding-"
"Not Cersei, she isn't my Queen."
Her mother looked murderous.
Her stupid sister Sansa wasn't too dissimilar.
Her father was still looking at Jon as if he were a wounded puppy. "Jon, maybe you could check in with Maester Luwin after breaking some-"
"Daenerys, is my Queen," Jon interrupted their father.
The squid was drowning in wine now. Red was flowing from his lips and nostrils as he choked and spurted. Her stupid brother Robb patted Greyjoy on the back.
The wounded puppy had just been executed in front of her father. "The Targaryen girl?"
Jon shook his head. "She is no girl, she is my Queen."
Arya knew her older brother could be stupid at times. If he was trying to impersonate Hodor, Arya would have to congratulate him later.
"Jon," their father's voice was ghastly. "What has brought this on? To pledge yourself to a girl hiding in Essos," their father's face hardened. "Was this because of a dream?"
"I dream of her every night, she is my Queen. Now and always."
Lord Eddard Stark was cut from stone.
Her mother, who was still murderous, looked at Jon like he was some new court scandal.
Stupid Sansa was taking after their mother as always.
The stupid Squid should have died by now. A wet piece of chicken shot from Theon's mouth and hit Bran right in the eye.
The baby Rickon looked delighted at the flying food and decided to take up arms in defense of his older brother.
Arya looked to her half brother hoping that she could find something in that expression that would give away everything. He had to be joking.
"I was afraid this would happen," their father finally spoke again. He sounded terribly tired and it worried her mother. "You dream of this Targaryan girl?"
"Every night," Jon's reply was immediate.
Lord Stark nodded once and sighed.
The squid was one with his stupid drowned god when the baby Rickon made a throw that would have impressed any Umber. A handful of bread found it's way down the Greyjoys' throat. His laughing turned serious.
"Get a hold of yourself, Greyjoy." Her stupid brother Robb had grown tired of Theon's antics.
Theon looked at Robb with wide eyes and threw his head back.
Her stupid sister Sansa was crying. "This meal was ruined," she was complaining.
Arya rolled her eyes. Her whole family was stupid.
Jon was mad. "Lord Stark, I'd like to request a ship from Whiteharbor to Essos." Arya wondered if his mother had been of familial relations to the Mad King.
"I suppose I cannot dissuade you from this path?" Their father had been through war and back against the Targaryan's. His sister had been kidnapped and murdered by the Ruby Prince. And now his son was determined to serve some stupid Targaryan girl in exile. Arya could understand her father's defeated tone. What she didn't understand was her father's response. "Very well then."
What?
"Thank you, Lord Stark."
What!?!
"You are a grown man now, Jon. You can make your own choices in life."
What!?!?!?!
Her mother spoke up. "Yes," Catelyn cleared her throat. "You are a grown man, bastard. If you wish to be with your Dragon Queen I see no issue with the matter."
Robb turned away from Theon and stared at their mother and father like they had grown second heads. Arya was of a similar opinion.
Sansa was still crying to herself.
Bran was rubbing his eye.
Rickon was laughing and pointing at the soon to be dead squid.
Theon was desperately trying to get Robb's attention but Robb was having none of it. Theon's face was bright red now with tears streaming from his bulging eyes.
"Yes," her mother continued. "And how soon will you leave?"
"As soon as I am able, my lady," Jon nodded towards the Lady of Winterfell.
Her mother looked like the cat that had caught the canary.
Her father could have been facing his execution and still would not have seemed as grim.
Theon's face had turned purple.
Arya hated her stupid family.
It was a sad and confusing affair when Jon had finished packing and saddled himself. The goodbyes were brief and distant, as if her older brother was already away.
At least Jon had Mikken forge Arya a gift in his hour of madness.
When Arya watched Jon gallop away into the cold North she wished he had taken her with him.
"Wait, Jon!" Her father was shouting after him. "Whiteharbor is the other way!"
Jon had not heard their father and continued on his route.
Arya loved her older brother but he was an idiot.