Naruto the Combat Butler

by Tama Saga

It takes something special to become a combat butler. Okay, several special things. First you need to be adaptable to ever-changing situations. Second, you need the skills serve a mistress who's going to be richer and smarter than you, but really gullible. Third, you need a propensity to die young. Wait, that last point sounds wrong somehow. [Rebooted 10/26/2013]

1. The Basics

A hero to sad girls everywhere...It's not true, but it is kinda catchy.

-o-o-o-

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I don't own Naruto or Touhou. They are owned by Masashi Kishimoto and ZUN respectively. I am borrowing their characters and their setting without their permission to tell a story.

If the story proceeds and ends how I think it will, there will be suggestions but there won't be any definitive pairings. It's because I think that Naruto would benefit more from being a big brother than a romantic interest in this story. I could be wrong but I haven't gone far enough to figure it out yet. However, I can state this with certainty...Hinata lovers, please leave now. Hinata will have her moments but she will NOT be a heroine.

-o-o-o-

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Naruto, the Combat Butler
by Tama Saga

-o-o-o-

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Chapter 1: The basics!

-o-o-o-

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(The Present)

He winced. Currently, he was trussed up tighter than a nin undergoing interrogation. If only he could...bring his...hands...together...

Gyaaah! It hurt! The rough fraying ropes digging painfully into his arms and legs hurt!

His mouth was uncovered, but that was probably because they wanted to hear him scream.

As he struggled to escape, a crimson spear wiggling from the other end of the room bathed the entire area in a brilliant red glow. It also served as a reminder of just how much time he had left.

He couldn't help but wonder...

...how did it come to this?

Of course, there was no answer.

The room that he was in was a bit on the long side. Bordering one of the mansion's walls, one could easily see that it was still nighttime outside from the seven windows, each spaced widely apart. It was a plush room without the elegances normally found in a mansion, as it was one of many unused rooms. Despite its empty status however, the fairy maids still entered the room once a week to make sure that it was dust free.

Standing at the other side of the room, a responsible older sister was happily giving last-minute instructions to her younger sister.

The older sister, Remilia Scarlet, was a petite blue-haired vampire dressed in a tattered pink dress withy varying degrees of burn marks at several points along the hem. Her normally present mob cap was missing. She had a pair of bat wings on her back.

The younger sister dressed in red, Flandre Scarlet, had short blond hair with a ponytail tied on one side. Her ponytail appeared a bit singed on the end. Unlike Remilia, she was wearing her mob cap. However it looked a bit dirty. Unlike her sister's bat wings, Flandre had a nontraditional pair of wings with prism shards of different colors.

As for the instructions, it went something like...

"Okay Flan. Let's see how you do now," with that, a heavily scuffed up Remilia Scarlet finally released her grip on her spear.

"..." the slightly shorter blond-haired girl just stood there, staring at the the glowing red shaft held between her hands.

After a moment of inactivity, the blue-haired vampire broke the silence. "It appears that you have a question. Please allow your wise onee-sama to enlighten you."

"What if I miss?" Flandre asked in a worried voice.

"Oya?" an amused expression appeared. "I assure you, Gungnir will always hit its mark," the vampire in pink proudly stated.

Flandre grinned and nodded. "Ah, okay Onee-sama! May I throw it now?"

"By all means, go-"

Still unable to free himself, and no time left, Naruto did the next best thing. "WAIIIIT!"

"..." Thankfully they did.

And now it was time for his defense. "I'll die -ttebayo!"

"So?" It was Remilia that had replied, but from the look on their faces neither of the vampires could figure out why that was a bad thing.

"Flan-chan! Ask the Old Hag about that-gyaaaah!"

"Hmm?" Flandre tilted her head cutely in thought for a moment before the proverbial lightbulb appeared on her face. "But Onee-sama...what about your request?"

"Repeat what you just said. Please. I must hear it again." Remilia purred menacingly to the boy as she lifted him into the air with one hand by the front of his jumpsuit. You couldn't tell, but she was enjoying this. Remilia herself wasn't very tall, so she couldn't just do this to anyone. Fairies came to mind if you wanted someone shorter than the vampire. But they generally tended to stay away when the bluenette was on the warpath. This stupid boy, on the other hand, was not just shorter...he also wasn't shy about confronting her. A foolish measure, to be sure. But...

With her other hand, she had the boy's throat in her grasp. And she started to apply pressure as he started to choke.

Thankfully for Naruto, she had heard her younger sister's question as she blinked and turned towards Flan with a wide twitching smile on her face. "What's that? What request?"

She lightened her hold just enough for him to breathe again. He gratefully sucked in what oxygen that he could. Then she applied pressure again.

"The one where..."

"What request?" The older vampire interrupted as a blond boy started struggling in the background.

"The one..."

"What request?" The older vampire interrupted again as she squeezed a bit harder. Tthere was a poof of smoke and whatever clothing she was holding slipped from her grasp when it seemed to disappear with the smoke.

When the smoke cleared, both vampires were treated to the sight of a naked boy being suspended in midair by a chokehold.

Everything went still. Even Naruto seemed to have forgotten that he was choking to death.

"Ahahahaha, so tiny!" Flandre's uproarious laughter broke the silence.

"Disgusting!" Remilia said at the same time as she threw it away with a grimace. There was a "Gack!" when it slammed into the wall before toppling onto the floor.

"*cough* Hey!" Naruto protested in outrage as tears appeared in his eyes. That was just cruel! "Gyaaaah!" Only to scream out in pain as Remilia knocked him over with a kick before stomping on the rope right where his stomach would be. Her heel dug in deep.

"Quiet from the peanut gallery." The bluenette ordered before a thoughtful expression appeared on her face. "That request huh? Hmm..." she paused, as if considerinrg it briefly. "Alright, if the intellectually challenged amoeba has the brilliance and courtesy to actually jump in front of Gungnir, I won't count this time against you."

"Hey, someone just said something rude about-Agh!" He let out a shriek when the foot pressed down harder.

"Really? But..."

Remilia made a tsking noise as her foot left the boy and she started walking toward her younger sister. "Flan-chan, you're holding Onee-sama's prized Gungnir within your hands. Don't you want to play with it?"

"Yes!" Flandre shouted, nodding eagerly from excitement.

"Then why are you wasting time asking your beloved Onee-sama questions instead of throwing Gungnir at the worm?"

Flandre had a chastised look on her face. "I'm sorry Onee-sama. I'll do as you say." She started to raise the glowing spear above her head.

"Wait wait wait!"

"Hush you noisy fool," Remilia snapped.

"The apple? Where's the apple?!" Naruto shouted in desperation, intelligently ignoring the order.

His bravery was rewarded. "What apple?" Remilia returned, confused.

"You told Flan-chan that you wanted her to try target practice against an apple!" came the hurried reply as Naruto took advantage of her slight interest and confusion.

Flandre lowered the spear again prompting a quiet tsk from her sister and a happy grin from the boy. "That's right! Onee-sama said that we had plenty of apples from this fall's harvest and that we could try destroying a few for fun!"

"Oh dear. How could I have forgotten." the charismatic vampire said in a monotonic and rather unconvincing manner. As if she had hoped that a certain remembered detail had been forgotten. She snapped her fingers, "Sakuya!"

"Yes!" a silver-haired maid, whose pristine clothes provided a stark contrast to her scuffed appearance, appeared immediately, carrying an ordinary apple. "Here is the apple."

"Wonderful Sakuya, as impeccable as always. Now then, silence the flatworm."

Naruto quickly snapped his mouth shut. And then he struggled to keep it shut as the maid leaned over and squeezed his cheeks hard as she tried to pry his mouth open.

"This is going nowhere." Remilia muttered. Impatient, she decided to help the process along. "Shrimp."

As expected, a tick mark appeared on the hapless boy's forehead. "OLD HA-MMMMPH!"

In one stroke, the blond haired boy was interrupted by an ordinary apple being wedged deeply into his mouth.

Satisfied, Remilia started to back away. "Now that we have our apple, I have one thing that I wish to add, Flan. It's so weak that just tapping it will destroy it. Since it is useless trying to keep it in one piece, just throw Gungnir as hard as you can."

A giant grin filled the blond girl's face as she raised the spear over her head. "Okay Onee-sama!"

"MMMMMPH!"

Seriously?! How did it come to this?!

-o-o-o-

---

(5 Hours Ago)

It was the hour of the night when most would call it a day and head for bed.

Naruto was no exception. After banging the pipes several times to no avail, he settled with shivering in a cold shower. Afterwards, toothbrushing complete, he was about to climb into bed when he paused and checked the weapons pouch that he had strapped around his waist.

Three blunt and worn kunai and one tattered academy-grade explosive tag. He had to sigh at that. If only he had access to the better stuff. But beggars can't be choosers. Looking around for anything else he could carry, his eyes fell upon a scroll.

...

His homework.

He had forgotten to do his homework.

He picked up the scroll and placed it into the pouch.

He would take care of it later.

With that final thought, he put on his walrus nightcap, jumped into bed and closed his eyes.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

When he opened his eyes again, he found himself staring at...blackness. No, it wasn't blackness, the ambient light was just very dim. From the stagnant feel of the air, it seemed like he was indoors. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but even then he could barely make out the dark imposing bookshelf that stretched toward the ceiling. Grunting, he pushed himself up from his prone position before resting a hand on one of the bookshelf's shelves. Straining his eyes to see further into the dark, he struggled to identify some of the shadowed features around him.

He was currently trying to figure out where he was. He had an idea, but he was hoping he was wrong. Since he seemed to show up in a different place every night, there was a possibility that it could be someone else's library. He ignored the small voice in his head telling him that he had been showing up inside of the Scarlet Devil Mansion really often these days...

With a sigh, he reached down to check. Yup, his pouch was there.

But...his pajamas weren't.

He gave a sigh before...

HENGE!

There was a puff of smoke and where he was in his birthday suit, he now wore clothes. Of course, it was too dark to tell, but he was pretty certain it was his usual orange jumpsuit ensemble. He had done this enough times before that it was practically an instinct.

With his clothing situation taken care of, it was time to check his pouch. Opening it, he felt inside. One, two...maybe three Kunai? The paper was probably his homework.

Inventory check complete, he took out a Kunai before closing the pouch again. He cautiously started to make his way forward, keeping a hand on the bookshelf at all times to guide him through the darkness.

When he reached the end of the bookshelf, he paused to stare intently at the other bookshelf's side. It seemed to be brightening slowly to a pale yellow. Concentrating harder on his other senses, he heard slow shuffling footsteps echoing nearby.

Curious, he peered through the space between the bookshelves.

"Geh!" only to let out a shriek and slam backwards into an opposing bookcase in an effort to get away from the candle sitting atop a pile of floating books that had just appeared from the darkness. Ghosts?!

The books continued moving closer and closer...until they started to pass him.

That was when he realized that someone was actually holding the books. This someone had a sleepy expression on her face. And it was a muted gray in the darkness with accents of orangish-yellow above from the candle, but he knew that she had purple hair. This was the creepy lady in the bathrobe that lived in the library. He really didn't have much else to say about her other than she was creepy and serious. But she was alright because she let him do as he wanted as long as he didn't make a mess in the library. Naruto shivered slightly at the last time she had tried to kill him for a mark on a book. Never mind that it wasn't his fault.

And then she stopped to glance down at him.

"Uh...hi?

"hello..." the creepy lady replied in a quiet voice before she seemed to lose interest and continued on her way.

In the space that he was occupying, the ambient light slowly dimmed to near darkness again as the candle left the area.

As he crept forward again, he failed to notice as someone swooped down from above.

"Hi Naruto-san," the voice seemed to come from everywhere.

"Gyaaaaah!" Needless to say, he was surprised. Uttering a manly shriek, he tried jumping away only to have his back dig painfully into a shelf. Ignoring the pain, he quickly glanced left and right before a flicker of light from above caused him to look up. He held his kunai before him, ready to slash or block at a moment's notice. Only to lower it upon seeing who it was.

The newcomer was a tall girl with red hair. She had two pairs of bat wings, one pair by her ears and other pair on her back. "Koakuma-chan," he greeted with a grin and a nod as she quietly landed. "Don't sneak up on me like that." This girl was Koakuma-chan, assistant to the creepy lady in the bathrobe. She was the one that he liked the most in this mansion. She was friendly, kind, helpful, and had the least number of kills to her name. Most of them by accident.

"Ahahaha. Sorry, sorry. You were moving around so carefully that I just had to try it," she had an embarrassed blush on her face as she said that. She carefully placed her candle on a shelf. "It's nice to see you again. Have you been well?"

"Yep! Have you heard?" At the shake of her head, he prepared to regale her with a tale from one of his latest adventures. "Okay then! You're going to love this. See, there I was, facing a hundred Chuunin...no, a hundred Jounin! But these aren't the measly ones that you would find on the streets. No, these are the special ops who specialized in assassinating the Kage's. And who was I protecting this time? The Hokage himself!"

"The leader of your village, right?" Even if she knew that he was fibbing like crazy, as a lover of books and the stories contained within, Koakuma couldn't help but keep the story going. Especially with such a spirited storyteller before her.

"Yeah! Everyone respects him because he's the strongest -ttebayo! But even then, we were in a desperate situation! My team members were all dead, leaving just me and the Hokage to fend off an army."

As the story continued, Koakuma casually slid back a step when the boy started wildly swinging his kunai as he went into a blow by blow account of the fight.

Naruto was so immersed in his tale that he failed to notice the shadow drop down from behind.

Eventually, he dropped into a heroic pose, a kunai in each hand. "It was epic! The two of us were unstoppable! Right as the last enemy fell-"

"-the vampires attacked, right?"

"-the vampires...what?" he blinked and turned to the newest speaker. She was floating in midair in what looked like a sitting position, her wings flapping occasionally. This...this was one of the mansion's inhabitants that he did not want to meet. Her name was Flandre Scarlet. A girl who he could identify immediately because of her odd wings with multiple jewels of different colors hanging from them. Wait, scratch that. Her most distinguishable feature was her extremely high kill count. Most of them were by accident, he had to acknowledge, but her score was still much higher than everyone else's put together.

"Hi Naruto," she chirped with a cheerful wave,"add onee-sama to your story. Give me a great role."

"Uh...uh..." beads of sweat started to pour like a river down his forehead. If he were being truthful, he would say that he somewhat liked having her there. But all of those accidents did have a traumatic effect on him. And from long experience, he knew she could really take things too far.

Koakuma blinked and tilted her head slightly as she seemed to sense that the mood had changed.

"I wanted to hear more about what happens next, but...perhaps...we should stop here?" Naruto shot Koakuma a grateful look. Now he just needed to slip away once Flandre agrees and he might survive the night.

"Aww, is it really over?" Crap, it was Flan's sad look. The one which could probably soften even that scarred man's face.

"Uhh..." he grimaced when her disappointment somehow created a dark gloomy aura. It was really hard for him to say no when she was like this. "...I'm almost done. OK, let's finish this story up then?"

"Yay!" there were a pair of excited cheers.

"Hahaha...yay." He added in a more subdued tone. Looks like he was going to die from telling a story. How sad was that? "Then...where was I?"

"The part where vampires attacked," Koakuma diligently supplied.

Naruto cursed mentally, hoping that they had forgotten that part within the last ten seconds.

"Yeah...the part where a vampire attacks." Oh boy, this was going to be brutal.

"First of all, she comes down from the clouds with glittering wings...all eyes turn to her."

A pair of excited nods.

"Then she sees me and the Hokage and decides to join our side to fight against the evil opponents."

Koakuma was the first to interject. "But that doesn't make sense. You had just finished off the last opponent. You said so when Flandre-sama jumped in."

He was crying inside as the two girls glared at him. Koakuma! "Alright, alright. A hundred more enemy nin had arrived when Flan-chan showed up."

"Is that true?" Flandre asked.

"Yeah." He nodded vigorously.

"Hmm...okay," Flandre didn't look very convinced. Or rather, she looked somewhat bored.

"So then...uh...Flan-chan...uh..." Naruto fumbled around as he struggled to figure out the next part.

"Onee-sama charges in," Flandre interjected, taking control.

"Yeah...and then..." Naruto tried to take back control, but he was having trouble trying to come up with what was going to happen next.

"The enemies all explode after I flash past them?" It was phrased in the form of a question, but Flandre left only one way to answer it.

"It doesn't have to..." the boy started to protest as warning bells rang in his head.

She gave him a look.

"Yeah...they all die in one turn -ttebayo," the boy lamely agreed as he subtly slid backwards a step.

"And then, because I was bored at how easy that was, I turn on you, right?" Flandre continued.

"No. No no. Definitely not. We stick together because another thousand enemy nin appear."

"They all go boom too," the blond girl promptly said, boredom in her voice.

"Uhh..."

She grabbed him by the shoulders and looked pleadingly into his eyes. "C'mon! I want to fight against you now!"

"Uh..."

"It would be more exciting if it's a fight between two people that we know..." Koakuma added.

Koakuma! He knew it! She was trying to kill him! He had no choice but to concede. "Then...no more enemy nin show up. Bored, Flan-chan-"

"Onee-sama," Flandre interrupted.

"Flan-chan," Naruto shot back, refusing to give in.

"Onee-sama," Flandre repeated with a pout.

"Flandre-sama. Naruto-san!" Koakuma sharply cut in wanting the story to continue. The argument stopped.

"Did I ever tell you the story about when I had-" Naruto started, intending to talk about ramen. Or soft pillows. Something safer.

"Naruto-san!" Koakuma repeated again without missing a beat, a chiding tone in her voice.

"Change it back, we want the other story!" Flandre added.

"-turns on the Hokage and me and says, 'Let's play'..." Naruto slowly started...

Wait! There may be a way to survive this. "...but she's gracious enough to let us attack first."

He waited, but there was no hint of disagreement from either girl. "So we attack," he added to make sure.

"How?" Flandre asked with a curious expression on her face.

"Uhh...like this?" He lightly poked her side with the Kunai that he was holding.

"Doesn't hurt. Are you sure?"

"Umm, it was a bit harder than that -ttebayo," he clarified.

"A bit?" She asked, thinking about it for a moment. "I still wouldn't feel it..." she finally decided before the Kunai disappeared from the storyteller's hand.

Naruto used his moment wisely. Instead of gasping or cursing, he was shouting "the bookshelf -ttebayo!" as he threw himself to the side.

That was when Flandre finished with, "It has to be like this at least." And then the world exploded.

By the time he reached the floor, hardcover tomes were already raining from the sky as a shallow crater formed on the giant structure's face from the sheer power of the attack.

Pressing himself as closely to the floor as books started slamming into the floor, he felt rather than heard the sinister groan as the bookshelf that Flandre had pointed the kunai at started to lean precariously. Soon, the angle was too much and the bookshelf started to fall.

There was a loud knock as it struck the next bookshelf in line. Instead of resisting the impact, the subordinate bookshelf also started to tilt forward...

And that's when it started.

Tonk, Tonk, Tonk...

The bookshelves continued falling over like dominoes, dropping books to the floor as one-by-one they each crashed into their neighbor with enough force to continue the chain.

"Flandre-sama!" Koakuma shrieked angrily before she fell to her knees, picked up what looked like the torn remnants of a book and began to cry. "My boooooks! Waaaaaah!"

"Ah..." Flandre realized as she watched the mayhem. "...Oops."

However, before she could apologize, her attention fell on a body covered by a large pile of books on the floor.

"...Naruto?"

But there was no movement.

"...Naruto?"

Still no movement.

In moments, Naruto was pulled from the mess on the floor. But he was dead.

Not. Of course it hurt when several of those books had landed on him. They were heavy! But they weren't enough to kill him. So he was alive, and holding his breath. Because he had the bright idea that if he played dead Flandre might leave him alone...

...It looks like he had forgotten what happened the last time he tried this trick less than a month ago...

So he did not suspect a thing when he felt himself being laid on the floor. So far so good.

That was when someone squeezed his nose shut before a small pair of soft lips enveloped his. He could only scream in his mind at what was going to come next. And then his chest ballooned as she practically shoved a massive lungful of air down his throat.

He remembered now. Not just his first kiss, but his second as well!

"Nooo- *cough* *cough* -oooooooo!" he cried, shooting up to his feet. "Sakura-chan, I'm so sorry!"

There was no reply for the longest of moments. And then...

He was yanked backwards, this time in a bone crushing hug. Or whatever it could be called if you're being squeezed and you feel your ribs starting to give. "Yay! You're not broken!" There was a crunch. Was that a bone? Did he just hear a bone snap in half? He felt gravity immediately assert itself in an awkward direction as she practically threw him away. Through the dimming haze of awareness, he heard a frantic "Aaaaah, I broke him this time!"

As he laid there like a crushed blob of jelly, he knew he had to say something. He had to stop her before she did anything else. He hadn't died yet, but anymore and it'd be over.

"..." he rasped out. Flandre stopped panicking to lean closer and listen to what he was trying to say.

"..." he repeated.

"-work?"

"homework..."

"Homework? What's that?"

"pouch..."

"Pouch?"

If Naruto could cry in outrage, he would as Flandre scattered his belongings as she opened and emptied his utility pouch and threw the "Not homeworks" to the side. She paused to compare a flimsy object with a rolled up object before she dropped the flimsy object.

But he couldn't. Right now he was in too much pain to do anything other than flop on the floor.

"It looks different than before," Flandre commented after opening the folded scroll to look at what was inside. With a shrug, she brought it over to Koakuma.

"What *sniffle* do you want, Flandre-sama? *sob sob*"

"Homework."

"Homework? *sob* What's that?"

"Is it this?"

"?" Koakuma examined the paper curiously for a moment. "Is this one of those *sniffle* new Danmaku spellcards that Reimu-sama is developing?"

"Danmaku spellcard? What's that?"

"Let me look at it." Reverantly placing her book down, Koakuma took some time to dry her eyes and calm her tears before taking the paper and examining its front and backside. "I need some light." she finally said. The sheer force of Flandre's attack had extinguished the candle earlier.

With a casual spell, the silent candle holder rose from the floor until it was now floating next to her head. And then a simple thought caused a new flame to dance upon its wick giving light to the area again.

Koakuma stared at the parchment, as it bathed in the yellow candlelight. "There is no magic in it," she finally said before waving it in midair to make sure. "It probably isn't a danmaku spellcard." She looked closer at it. "Oh. I see. It's a bunch of puzzles in another language."

"Puzzles?"

"Give me a moment. Let's *sniff* see. Question...one. Please calculate the time needed for a kunai to hit a target half a meter high when thrown at an angle of 45 degrees from a distance of 10 meters away. Please assume that the Kunai is thrown from at altitude of 3 meter with standard air resistance. Also assume that you are under fire from at least three unseen assailants, in a rainstorm, and you throw the Kunai hard enough for it to reach the target in one second.

"stupid math," came a quiet grunt from the prone boy.

"1 second," Flandre answered at the same time.

"Correct." Koakuma wrote down the answer, making sure to write it in whatever language that Naruto used.

"Question two. You are on a retrieval mission of which the mission parameters state 'please take everything of value.' After sneaking past the guards using a cardboard box, you search the room. In the end, you find yourself trying to decide which of the following items to take: a scroll of secret techniques or ten thousand ryo. Which do you take in the end?

"The scroll of secret techniques," the blond boy replied, feeling slightly better as his rapid healing worked its magic.

"You take them both," Flandre happily said.

"Correct." Koakuma wrote that answer down too.

In short order, the ten questions had been answered.

Turns out the damage was painful, but nothing critical or permanent. Which was a good thing because, by the time they were done, the blond boy was well enough to sit up and growl as the two answered each of the difficult questions without stopping to think. Just because they didn't have to turn it in, it wasn't right of them to mess around with his homework.

Flandre finally took the homework back and skipped up to him. "Here you go, Naruto." She said as she presented the paper to him. Koakuma was picking up books in the background, sobbing slightly here and there.

He took it and placed it into his pouch, resolving to erase and start over later. And then Flandre fell into his lap and embraced him.

"What? Flan-chan?"

"Ne, Naruto. Feeling better?" she whispered into his ear.

Instead of answering yes or no, he tried to push her away because he knew what was going to happen next. She was showing that mood again... But his attempts to rebuff her failed. She wasn't budging an inch. She was way too freaking strong.

"Flan-chan, no Onee-sama. Wait! I want to say something -ttebayo."

He felt her still. "Fueh?"

"Let's play."

"..."

"..."

When Flandre let him go and floated up toward the ceiling with a flap of her wings, she had a large happy grin on her face.

"Okay~" she happily agreed before adding, "If I win, I get to drink your blood."

"How about if I win?" Naruto demanded from the ground.

"We'll see~" the vampire said with a giggle.

"Not in the library!" Koakuma immediately shouted, before pointing at an exit. "Out out out OUT!" A glowing red magical circle formed under her.

Sheesh, all this to avoid getting his blood sucked. And he still was going to lose it if she caught him. Maybe he should give up...

No...his pride wouldn't let him. He had been surviving this for years now, he wasn't going to quit now. Diving forward, he snatched a practice kunai off the floor and threw it upwards.

Flandre just stared as it made a graceful arc toward, up over, high over, and then away from her. Yup, Naruto still had horrible aim.

At the same time, Naruto had managed to snag his explosive tag as well as another Kunai from the floor. Now he was making his getaway by means of Koakuma. In other words, Koakuma's magic circle was starting to launch glowing books everywhere and he was running as fast as he could away from her in an effort to avoid being hit by one of them. He sidestepped right as several of them struck the ground in front of him, exploding in a shower of fire and ashes on impact.

At the same token, Flandre seemed amused, as she asked one question that made even the frenzied books freeze in place. "Koakuma-chan wants to play too?"

It's too bad the glowing books soon disappeared right afterwards. At this moment, the library was a mess with the collapsed bookshelves and books lying everywhere. With the lack of light shrouding everything in darkness, the dim glow from the bullets provided some light. Unable to see any longer, he stumbled over something before rolling to a stop with a heavy thud. Groaning painfully, he quickly crawled under one of the fallen bookshelves as a brief battle started to occur overhead. He needed a plan.

-o-o-o-o-o-

He came up with one when he got stuck halfway through the makeshift tunnel. It was one of those burst of inspiration things that occur during moments of extreme frustration.

Vampires hated sunlight right? There was plenty of that outside. All he had to do was get outside and he was free.

Digging frantically through the fallen books blocking his path, he struggled forward with a renewed sense of purpose.

-o-o-o-o-o-

He stopped near the exit of the tunnel before crawling upward into the space where the books would normally sit. And not a moment to soon either as Flandre peeked in.

When her head disappeared, he breathed a sigh of relief, only to lock up again when he felt the bookcase shift.

Oh come on. There had to be a limit to her strength. Apparently a half-loaded bookcase that was three stories tall was not enough to make her hesitate.

Pressing desperately against the top and bottom shelf, he soon found himself doing a handstand when the bookshelf finally came to a stop. Upside down.

"Found you Naruto!"

"Uh, hey Flan-Oneesama. Hang on for a moment." He said as he fell into a heap on the top shelf. Getting back onto his feet, he held up his remaining kunai. "Umm...bet you can't throw farther than I can."

"?"

Fulfilling her expectations, he reared up and threw the kunai. The two watched as it flew quite some distance where it finally landed. Well, Naruto lost track of it when it disappeared into the library's darkness. But he did hear a dull thunk some distance away.

"I don't have one of those pointy things though." The vampire girl dressed in red finally commented.

"That's alright, throw the bookcase. You're stronger so it's okay if you have a small handicap -ttebayo." It kind of galled him to say that, but it was true. And, he did have to forgo his pride because he just had an idea...

"Okay!" Great! She agreed like he expected!

Naruto immediately braced himself again; he pressed hard against the top and bottom shelves again. "Oh god, here goes..."

It wasn't one of his better ideas, but...

He had no more time to think as he was nearly ejected from his spot when she lifted the bookcase off the floor. Wait. Why was she lifting it way off the floor?! It began to occur to him that maybe this was a bad idea.

"1!"

There was a brief sense of vertigo as the bookshelf moved backwards. Okay, maybe this was a really bad idea.

"2!"

At this point, Naruto was pressing as hard as he could as he stared at the pinpoints of candle light that showed just how far the library's floor was from the ceiling. As his foot started to slip on the smooth surface of the bottom shelf, he was starting to think that maybe this was a terrible idea.

"3!"

That was when Flan threw the bookshelf.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhh..."

That would be Naruto screaming in terror as the bookshelf hurtled forward just as fast as the kunai he had thrown earlier. At that same moment, he was wondering what freaking idiot thought up this bullshit idea in the first place.

Then the bookcase started to descend.

He barely managed to stay inside when the bookcase slammed into the ground the first time.

But it bounced and continued flying forward.

And, before he knew it, he was thrown free when bookcase ripped through one of the library's walls.

He heard several more loud cracks as the bookcase continued its merry way through the first floor, ignoring any walls that it happened to encounter.

-o-o-o-o-o-

It took some time before Flandre realized that she could not collect her reward. Why? Because Naruto was not there anymore. At first, she was somewhat annoyed that he was not there to watch and then agree that she had thrown the bookcase farther than his knife.

And then her eyes widened. Wait, wasn't there a scream when she had thrown the bookshelf?

"..."

By the time she entered that first room, Naruto was nowhere to be seen.

-o-o-o-

---

"What's with all the ruckus?"

Henge was great. Right now he was walking through the hallways pretending to be the old hag."

"Wait! Onee-sama!"

He stopped and turned to her, trying his best to hide his sweat.

"Yes Flan?" he asked with the old hag's voice.

"Have you seen Naruto?" she asked him.

He shook his head no.

His sweat threatened to pour out as she looked him up and down. A look of confusion appeared on her face.

"Onee-sama, is something wrong? You seem to be scared"

"It's just your imagination," he quickly replied.

"You're a bit shorter than normal, Onee-sama."

"It's just your imagination," he said again.

*poke*

His hand quickly flew up to hide the spot on his chest where she had poked him.

"You seem a bit bigger too."

"It's just your imagination -ttebayo"

Flandre's eyes flickered left and right. As if she were comparing something.

"No it's not," she finally said. "You're 3 millimeters bigger. Congratulations!" she said with a thumbs up and a grin.

"Oh?" Neither Flandre nor Naruto had said that. That voice had come from behind the blond boy, sending icy cold tendrils right up his spine. Before he could run, however, a vise-like grip had him by the head.

"How interesting. Let me see."

He was so dead.

He felt his neck crack as his captor forcefully turned him around, by the head. Now he sweated as the the blue haired vampire dressed in her normal pink outfit with a pink mob cap looked him over. This was the old hag. She's evil.

"Hmm?" the old hag made a questioning tone before her eyes turned down.

"Hmm..." with a casual, motion, she had turned him around so that his backside was facing her.

"Mmhmm..."

He felt the pressure on his head disappear as she let him go. He checked his head to make sure it was still attached to his neck before he slowly turned around.

Once she could see his eyes, that was when she started. "I will not comment on your impression of my bust and height. It does not bother me. Not at all."

He thought he saw a vein in the old hag's forehead pulse.

"It should be fine," the vampire repeated as if she was trying to hypnotize herself into believing it.

Her hand snapped out and grasped one of his cheeks.

"But an orange dress? I do not have such an atrocious fashion sense."

At this time, her other hand had snapped out and forcefully wrenched his other cheek.

"-ttebayo? I speak properly thank you very much."

He suddenly felt a painful pull on both cheeks.

"And why do I have such a low-class expression on my face? A vampire showing fear? Nonsense. To insult me like so...please die."

"Onee-sama! Wait!" Flandre quickly interjected.

Saved!

"Umm...which one is the real Onee-sama?" Flandre wondered.

"..."

Chance! He quickly raised his hand. "Me," he managed to mumble out with his face stretched like that.

The look of shock and outrage on the original one's face was surprisingly memorable. He planned to preserve it in his mind for all eternity.

"Really? Onee-sama shouldn't be that big. But since I trust Onee-sama..."

"Flan..." The old hag's voice held a warning tone. And he felt himself being manuevered in front of her. That hag! She was using him as a shield!

And then he shut his eyes when when he saw the crazy girl with the multicolored wings shoot toward them. Instead of being torn apart, however, he felt himself being ripped free and thrown to the side.

And then there was a strangled gasp.

"You dodged," the blond haired girl gleefully said.

"Flan, wait." Remilia placatingly said.

Instead, the crazy girl leapt after the old hag to try again.

Only to dodge as a swarm of glowing red bats flew toward her.

"Hahahaha! Naruto, I didn't know you could do that. Here, take this!"

As glowing magic circles started filling the air and the room started to shake, Naruto hightailed it for the exit.

-o-o-o-

---

There it was, the main entrance! He left his cover and ran for it.

Only to stop just short of the door when a firm grasp landed on his shoulder with a smack.

"Leaving so soon, Naruto-sama?" came the calm voice of the evil maid.

"You must be mistaken, I'm the old hag," he said, speaking to the door. He couldn't turn around to address the speaker because she was holding him in place.

"Is that so?" the evil maid asked as her grip tightened.

"Yeah. Can't you see the bat wings? The evil face?" he asked, his face somewhat scrunched in pain from the maid's strong grip.

"Yes. I also see the orange dress."

"Yeah...the orange...dress? Shouldn't it be pink by now?" he wondered out loud.

"Naruto, if you plan to continue with this charade I will become very upset," the silver haired maid sighed.

"I'm the old..."

- Thunk -

"I'm Naruto -ttebayo." he quickly said, his eyes flickering to the right as the dagger quivered from where it dug into the front door. He reverted back in a burst of smoke.

"Thank you."

"So yeah, I have to leave now," the boy said as he struggled to pull forward despite the iron grip on his shoulder.

"Oh? I hope it wasn't because of the hospitality"

"No no, of course not. You were great. Look, I really need to get going."

"No no, I insist." she cheerfully said as she casually turned him around. "Please stay longer. You won't regret it."

"I'm going to regret it plenty," he knowingly said as he doubled his effort to break free.

Dust began dropping from cracks in the ceiling as the battle occurring deep within the mansion began approaching the front entrance.

Soon a pair of vampires burst into the entrance room, one of them laughing maniacally while chasing the other.

Remilia stopped and turned around in midair. "For the last time, Flan. Stop this or else," a magical circle formed behind Remilia, launching more red bats at her sister.

"Ahahahaha. This is really fun, Naruto," Flan laughed happily as she dodged the glowing bats before raising Laevateinn above her head. It started to glow.

"..." three pairs of eyes stared as a massive beam of magic formed in the air, ripping right through the mansion's ceiling.

And then it came down, carving a massive trench from the ceiling to the main doors and forcing everyone to scramble out of the way or take massive damage.

Remilia quickly flew over to the silver-haired maid once the beam evaporated. "Sakuya, find Meiling and Patchouli. We need them here immediately."

"Yes my lady," with that, the evil maid disappeared.

Remilia turned to her sister, her eyes glowing a bright red. "Flan, I am about to be very angry."

Forgotten for the moment, Naruto stared at the debris that blocked off the massive entrance. Turning around, he surveyed the mess from the battle on the first floor. Looks like the staircase was still intact.

If only he had looked up at the ceiling.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The staircase was a danger zone. Red and blue flashed overhead as the two vampires battled overhead. Soon they were joined by knives, beams, streams of fire, torrents of water. If it wasn't falling debris, it was the slippery marble, stray weapons, and stair-carving beams that made it hazardous.

As he crept upwards, he couldn't help but be thankful that he hadn't been hit just yet.

That was when something blew up behind him, leaving a crater and launching him forward.

"Uf" he grunted as he landed roughly on a wide stair a bit higher up. He started to pick himself up.

"Gyah!" only to be flattened when one of the combatants slammed right into his backside. He struggled to crawl out from under her. Once free, he turned to look and see who was responsible.

"Mukyu," the creepy lady in the bathrobe softly moaned. Badly scuffed up, she looked like she was out of the battle.

He continued making his way upstairs as the ground shook violently from the stray magic exploding everywhere. It seems that blind luck continued to protect him as he had yet to experience a direct hit.

And that was when the old hag cannonballed right through the stairs before him. Emphasis on through! There was a gaping hole right in the middle of the stairs now!

She didn't come back out.

The shaking was getting bad. At this point, he wouldn't be surprised if the staircase collapsed from all the damage that it was taking.

Then a massive red glow painted the floor and walls red causing him to look for the source.

Shit.

He wished that he hadn't looked.

Forget the staircase collapsing. There wasn't going to be a staircase when that massive ball of power landed.

Throwing caution to the wind, he dashed around the hole where the old hag laid and up the remaining steps.

"5 steps"

"4 steps"

"3 steps"

"2 steps"

"1 m-..."

The world turned white.

"Ahahahahaha" Flandre continued laughing excitedly overhead.

-o-o-o-

---

With a final grunt of effort, he finally managed to drag the body of a heavily singed red-haired lady in a tattered green Qi Pao over toward a wall.

"Dragon lady. Thank you." He quietly whispered while softly clapping his hands together and bowing his head to offer a prayer of safe journey for the next life.

He couldn't help but feel touched when she had shielded him from the explosion, sacrificing herself in the process.

When he heard the sound of wind rushing, he hid behind a giant column that supported this room's ceiling. Sweat poured down his face. On the opposing side stood his tormentor.

"Naruto, where are you?" she called out as she stood there and looked around.

Turning around, he started to use the shadows to sneak toward an open room.

He quietly entered the room and shut the door, only to realize his mistake when he saw HER turn to him.

But wait, wasn't she back outside in the hallway?

"Found you!" Her happy shout had shattered the silence and then he heard footsteps from outside.

The door opened and another Flandre walked.

Oh yeah, now he remembered that she could duplicate herself.

The door shut with an ominous bang.

Now what?

There was a crazy girl in front of him and a crazy girl behind him, slowly advancing on him.

In front, in back...that left...to the side! That was when room's wall burst inward, kicking up a small cloud of dust and littering the floor with the wall's remains. Another Flandre entered the room.

Sweating heavily, Naruto went through his options before the academy grade tag came to mind.

While they were to be used outdoors only, an academy grade tag cannot make an explosion. That would make them too dangerous for students to handle. Instead, they just created smoke.

Lots and lots of smoke. A fact that the prankster in him loved to exploit. Indoors.

There was no boom, it was more like a massive poof.

When the coughing stopped and smoke finally cleared, four copies were left staring at each other. Mysteriously, a boy dressed in bright orange had somehow slipped out.

The door opened again and four-pairs of eyes watched as another girl walked in.

"?"

The Flans all stared each other for several seconds before one of them started moving and the other four copied the action.

"There should only be four of us with the Four-of-a-Kind spell..." the fourth Flandre finally said after copying a hand wave and a small jump.

"Count again?" the third Flandre suggested as she pumped her fist in the air. The other four followed.

"One, two, three, four...five," the first Flandre said, breaking off in midair to point at each Flandre and ending with herself.

"That's not right, try again," the second Flandre encouraged as she repeated the hop-hop dance move that the Third had started.

"One...two...three...four...five," the first Flandre ticked off.

"You're counting yourself. Try it one more time, this time without counting yourself," came the helpful suggestion from the third Flandre before she pointed at the second Flandre and winked.

"One...two...three...four," the first Flandre repeated. All of the Flandres stopped what they were doing.

Then, five cheers rose up. "Yay! It's right now!"

"One more time. Just to make sure. I'll be outside looking for Naruto," the third Flandre said.

At the nod from the others, she left through the door. The door closed with a click.

"One...two...three," the first Flandre counted.

"?"

"..."

"Again?" the fifth Flandre asked.

"One...two...three," the first Flandre repeated.

"?"

The fifth Flandre impatiently took over, this time pointing to everyone standing in the room. "One, two, three, four."

"..."

"That's...right," the second Flandre finally said.

"Why?" asked the fourth Flandre.

All four sets of eyes slowly widened in realization.

"Haaaa!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

And that was when he banked right and covered his head.

There was the sound of glass shattering as he dove right through a window in the hallway.

He was free! Now he just had to survive a two story drop.

The first sign that something was wrong was when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him again. His descent slowed as the second sign manifested with a bite to his neck from behind.

Now he remembered something else...he had fallen asleep at night. It would be nighttime here. Nighttime means no sun. Had he looked up during the fight at the entrance, he would have known this much earlier.

By the time he was on the ground, he was on his hands and knees while struggling to recover from the dizzy and lightheaded feeling that resulted from having most of your blood removed from your body.

His pursuer crouched down next to him, a smear of blood on her face from when she had wiped it with the back of her hand after sucking his blood.

"Caught you! That was fun Naruto, let's play again later." With a happy hum, his tormentor slowly flew back toward the giant mansion, softly humming something horrendously off-key..

Not a moment later he heard the silent shuffle of a visitor. A quiet voice spoke up.

"...You survived."

That sounded like the creepy lady in the bathrobe.

Another pair of footsteps appeared.

"Please wait Mistress Patchouli. The mansion needs someone to clean up the mess. You can deal with him afterwards."

Wait, was he hearing the sound of flapping wings?

His lethargy evaporated instantly as his instincts screamed at him to run far away really really fast. Which he tried immediately. Only to choke as his collar suddenly tightened when someone seized the back of his jumpsuit.

"I do apologize Patche. Sakuya. But I believe that tonight is my turn..."

-o-o-o-

---

(The Present)

...And that was how he found himself in a compromising position as a crimson spear shrieked toward him.

Unable to move, unable to scream...he felt the light touch him as his world turned red.

-o-o-o-

---

"Gaaaah!" Naruto screeched as he shot upright.

Now awake, he quickly checked himself over. Everything seemed to be in place and nothing hurt.

"Damn it!" he cursed as he fell back into bed, the aged springs creaking and groaning from the action. He had been killed again.

As he struggled to rearrange the lumpy pillow to his liking, his thoughts were on his dream self...of the phantom feeling of the light as it touched him. Afterwards, nothing. Flan's attack was too fast and powerful for him to feel anything after that though. It almost made him want to forget about cool jutsus and just train until he was as strong as Flan-chan?

Okay, his pillow finally seemed to give up. Laying down again, he rolled over so he could read the clock next to his bed. When that didn't work, he picked it up and squinted closely at it. Only to drop it on the floor in frustration as he turned to look outside. Three in the morning?!

He rolled back and closed his eyes, only to open them a second later.

What was he going to do now? He knew that he wasn't going to revisit that place anytime tonight. But it wasn't like he could fall asleep immediately now that he was wide awake.

Getting up, he patted himself to make sure that he was clothed before jumping out of bed. He then shuffled his way past the discarded empty ramen cups, scrolls, and other miscellaneous junk to a wall covered in scratches. He used a pen to scrawl another mark at the very bottom. To the casual eye, he was using the wall to count something. Number of trips to Ichiraku's perhaps?

They wouldn't be wrong about the counting part. But...

He finished counting, the moonlight coming from the window helping him with the task.

That made what...eight-hundred and thirty-one now? That was how many times he had died since he started counting his deaths in Gensokyo. He didn't break up the total because he didn't need to. Flandre was responsible for most of them.

Turning around, he headed back to bed.

Of course, he wasn't sure what compelled him to do so. But before he slid back in, he reached down to brush his hand against the futon. He frowned. Something felt...papery.

...he had a bad feeling about this. Acting on his strange fear, he reached over and pulled on the metal beaded cord. His desk lamp clicked on.

Now that he could see better, he took another look at his futon.

"...Crap."

-o-o-o-

---

Classes at the ninja academy had not started yet, so the classrooms were filled with idle chatter. One room in particular housed students who had been learning at the academy for three of the five requisite years. Requisite, unless you chose to take the final exam and tested out early. Sasuke Uchiha is a well-known student of this class. On this day, the students were especially excited.

"What do you plan to do for summer vacation?"

"Laze around all day, hopefully."

"Mom and Dad are planning on heading to the capital."

The chatter suddenly dimmed down when the downstairs door slid open and the blond-haired class clown ran in wearing his usual bright orange jumpsuit. A rapid burst of whispers broke out before the students returned to their conversations. Naruto paid them no mind. Instead, he glanced around before his gaze landed on a pink-haired girl sitting at the top row.

"Sakura-chan!"

The pink-haired girl stopped making eyes at her beloved Sasuke-kun to turn and glare at the blond boy standing next to her. "What do you want?"

"Go out on a date with me!"

"No way!"

"Please Sakura-chan! Please please please please please..."

"No no no."

"...please please please..."

"No..."

"...please please please..."

Caught in the moment, Naruto failed to notice that Sakura was getting quieter.

"...I want to go," Sakura quietly said as a proud noble aura seemed to surround her hunched form. It was so quiet that it should have been drowned out by the begging. But when Naruto froze, and not just him but the rest of the class as well, it was obvious that her acceptance was clearly heard by nearly everyone present.

Naruto stared quietly for one brief moment before his face lit up in realization. "Hi-"

Sakura had a hand on his collar before he had a chance to finish..

"S-Stop bothering me!" she growled as she started to shake him with a furious expression on his face.

Naruto soon saw stars as she socked him hard across the cheek, sending him careening over the desk.

THUMP.

Once the stars disappeared, Naruto had to blink. Then he blinked again just to make sure.

An explosive tag! Crumpled. Academy grade. Lying conveniently upon the floor. Finders keepers!

He quickly reached out before suppressing a scream as someone stomped right onto his hand

"Hey! That's mine!" that was dog-boy, who incidentally owned the foot currently on his hand.

"What's yours?" Naruto feigned stupid.

"That tag." Guess playing stupid didn't work.

"The tag that's currently under my hand?"

When Kiba scowled and nodded, it was time to lie. After all, it was a matter of life and death. And besides, it most likely wasn't dog boy's either otherwise they'd be fighting already. "Pfft. Are you kidding me? This is mine -ttebayo."

"Liar!" Kiba shot back as he raised his foot and stomped down again.

Naruto quickly closed his hand around the tag before snatching his hand back just in time. Kiba's foot struck the ground hard, making a loud smack.

"I'm not lying," Naruto said as he pushed himself to his feet.

"You are!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!" By this point, the two were centimeters apart and glaring furiously at each other.

"I'm not lying! Sakura-chan saw me drop it."

"Eh?" the pink haired girl blinked before a happy smile appeared on her face. "Yeah! Naruto isn't one to lie."

Sakura? The one who normally wouldn't give the blond boy the time of day? And she agreed as well? The entire class fell silent.

Naruto had fallen silent as well, although he felt like a kunai had stabbed him in the heart as well. It took everything he had not to admit right then and there that he actually was lying.

"..."

"That's twice in a row. What's up with you today, Sakura?" Ino asked in concern. Her rivalry temporarily on hold.

The pink-haired girl furiously shook her head as if to clear something away. "Huh? What? Nothing's wrong. Hahaha," she laughed unsteadily before she ran for the front exit, giving one brief glare at the blond boy. He gulped, getting the message.

"What was that?" someone asked.

"No clue,"

"Yeah, I mean...Naruto? I thought she liked Sasuke."

Before Sakura left, her glare basically said not to say anything or else. But he wasn't going to take that insult lying down.

"Hah! She's just being friendly because she's finally realized how cool I am when compared to duck butt over there."

"You?!" Ino demanded as she shot out of her seat. "What's so great about you anyway?"

"Hey, I can be the most awesome guy in the world when I want to!" Naruto defended.

"Feh! More awesome than Sasuke maybe, but you're so far behind me it's not even a challenge," Kiba bragged.

"What was that dog boy?!"

"I'm saying, you're so lame I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back!"

"Make it both hands and let's go! Outside, right now!"

"Oi! Do you think I'm stupid or something?!"

"Can't do it?" the blond boy taunted.

"I can. And while hopping on one foot!" Kiba shot back. From within his coat, Akamaru popped out and barked in agreement.

"Let's go then."

Kiba held up a hand. "Hold on. First I want that tag."

"What? In case you win?" Naruto asked.

"Da hell? No, that's something different. That tag belongs to me!"

"What?! No way! I already told you that it's mine. Sakura-chan saw me drop it."

"She's not in the room, to back you up anymore," Kiba pointed out.

"That's messed up!" the blond boy shot back.

"Whatever, I don't make the rules man."

"You just did -ttebayo!"

Kiba cupped a hand to his ear. "What's that? Did you just say that you can't find anyone else to back you up?"

"As if!" Naruto shot back before he turned to the audience. "I can find someone else who saw me drop it."

"No you can't," Kiba challenged back.

"Then did anyone see you drop it?" the blond boy countered turning to face the Inuzuka again. He knew that Kiba was probably right. Neither of them saw the purple haired white-eyed girl hiding in a corner.

"Heh, easily!" Kiba looked around before pointing at a fat kid munching on a bag of chips.

Chouji stopped eating to shake his head no before pointing at his bag of chips.

Kiba then pointed at the sleeping pineapple head afterwards. The one he was pointing at let out a particularly loud snore in response. Amazing! To sleep through an argument like this. Or maybe he was awake and emphasizing the snore to tell them to leave him out of it.

Naruto had a skeptical expression on his face. He wasn't the only one. "Who else?"

Kiba turned to the rest of the class. Everyone looked away.

Well, this was awkward.

"Wait, if no one saw you drop it. And no one saw me drop it...," Naruto started.

"Then it's your word against mine," Kiba challenged.

"Settle this outside?" A sinister grin appeared on Naruto's face.

"Let's," came the reply as a matching grin appeared on Kiba's face. The Inuzuka started cracking his knuckles menacingly.

The two headed for the door in the back of the classroom.

"Don't forget that you have to fight with both hands tied behind your back while while hopping on one leg."

"What?!"

The door slid open with a loud crack.

"Where do you think you're going?" Iruka asked as he peered down at them.

"Uh..."

"Get back to your seats and take out your homework!"

There was a brief racket as Naruto and Kiba hurried back into the classroom, the rest of the class in the background finding a seat immediately as well.

Iruka paused after surveying the room.

"Where's Haruno-san?"

-o-o-o-o-o-

Iruka's brow rose nearly to his hairline when he saw the singed and shredded document sitting in front of the class' troublemaker.

Picking up the blackened pieces and examining them one piece at a time, he finally set it down.

"Naruto, your name is at the top but the rest of the homework is in someone else's handwriting. Whose homework is this?"

"Mine sir."

"..."

Iruka slammed both hands upon the desk causing the class to jump. He glared at the boy. "In case I wasn't being clear enough, I believe that you stole someone else's homework and then put your name on it. Now whose homework is this?"

"Mine sir," Naruto scowled back.

"..."

"..."

Iruka pinched his nose, closed his eyes, and slowly took a breath before holding up one of the fragments and pointing toward the blackened spot where Naruto's name was written. "Who wrote this?"

"I did sir."

Iruka slowly held up a different homework fragment. "Then who wrote this?"

Naruto gave a weak grin. "Would you believe me if I said that I did?"

Iruka slowly shook his head no. "Now whose homework is this?" he finally asked again.

"Mine."

"Naruto..."

"It really is mine -ttebayo! You handed it to me yesterday and I managed to fill in my name. It's not my fault someone went and filled in the rest!"

"Really? And just who came over and conveniently filled in the rest?"

"Flan-chan?"

Iruka blinked. "Who is Flan-chan?"

"I dunno."

"...What?"

"I dunno. I want to call her a friend and all that, but she kills me a lot."

"Kills?"

At first, Iruka thought that the boy was saying kill in a figurative manner...

"Yeah, I get crushed the most often. But sometimes she drowns me, stabs me, blows me up..."

...but it's hard to be figurative with such specific examples.

"You look alive," Mizuki, his assistant teacher, commented.

"I don't get it myself," Naruto said with a helpless shrug as both of his teachers looked at him funny. If anything, Iruka-sensei was looking at him with suspicion. He recognized that look after seeing it many times over the years.

"Get this, the dobe thinks that he's immortal."

"Iruka-sensei, let's stab him a few times to see!"

The class began laughing.

It took some time for Iruka to finally restore order to his classroom.

"We're getting off topic," Iruka finally said, "So you're telling me that this Flan, who kills you often and might or might not be your friend, took your homework and filled it out for you?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, "Eh, it sounds weird when you say it like that."

"..."

"..."

"She then proceeded to blackmail you, right? By holding your homework above an open flame?"

"What? No no, she gave it right back."

A pulsing vein appeared on Iruka's forehead. "...so what's your reason for its burnt and shredded appearance?"

"The old hag decided to let her sister throw an exploding spear at me at full power. " he grumbled before adding, "I need a new utility pouch now."

"..."

"..."

"Whatever. Everything is surprisingly correct, and you get bonus points for attempting to pursue the ninja arts by taking credit for someone else's work. But next time make it less obvious and come up with a better excuse. You get a C. See me after class."

The class broke into laughter again.

"Damn it!"

-o-o-o-

---

"Lemme go -ttebayo!" Naruto shouted to the world as he clung desperately to a window frame on the first floor of the academy. Hopefully someone would have a heart and save him.

No luck. None of the students were planning on staying one extra second after school just to help him.

One of his hands lost its purchase on the wall. Now he could only hang on with his remaining hand.

Five fingers.

Even Sakura-chan got up and left without looking back.

Four fingers.

The other teachers could probably care less.

Three...

...Right then and there, there was a sharp tug from behind and his hold slipped immediately. With time enough for one last yell, he was promptly pulled inside and thrown into a nearby chair.

A pair of hands slammed into the desk in front of him. "Shut up brat!" Iruka roared at the boy.

Naruto cowered in fear as his teacher's head seemed to expand to fill the room. That pissed off expression itself was as wide as the blackboard.

A minute seemed to pass before Iruka sighed and his head shrank back down to normal size. He pinched his nose, a tired expression on his face. "What am I going to do with you..."

"Let me leave?" Naruto asked as he started to stand.

"Get back here," only for the Iruka to reach out and seize the boy by the collar of his orange jumpsuit again.

"Gaak." Thud. The blond boy was back in his chair.

After another few minutes of silence, Iruka finally gave a self-assured nod.

"Tell you what, you're in luck today," He said before he pointed at a paint splattered desk which just so happened to be where Pineapple Head had sat for the day. "Clean up the mess that you made and then you can leave."

The mess just happened to be a failed prank aimed at letting him escape. After the homework hassle, and with the promise of a long boring lecture after school, of course he wasn't going to remain behind.

But he wasn't even sure why it failed. All he knew was that, just after lunch, it detonated successfully during class. Right when his target was about to nod off. His victim fell out of his seat from the surprise of something exploding in his face. Everyone's head swiveled to watch as paint flew everywhere. Some of the girls shrieked when the paint landed on their clothes. The distraction was perfect and he made good on his escape. However, right at the door's opening, he froze in place and found that he couldn't move. For five seconds. And that was when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

"Whatever," Naruto grumbled as he went to the locker in the back of the room.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto paused to scowl at the rainbow colored splotches that covered the desk, the chairs, and part of the tables in front and back. Damn, he did a really good job. First and last time he tried using a paint bomb as a distraction.

Behind him, Iruka was doing an excellent job of trying to bore a hole into the back of the boy's neck with his stare, willing the boy to get started already.

"See you Iruka," someone called out from the door.

Iruka turned to give the fellow instructor a friendly wave before turning back to the class troublemaker.

- Squeak Squeak -

Only to gape as Naruto finished the process of wiping the table one last time. It sparkled. It literally sparkled! That's how clean the aged wooden surface had become. There was no sign of the paint anywhere.

Confused, Iruka slowly stumbled forward to take a closer look. His confusion intensified as he realized that even the smallest of splatters were gone.

Wringing out the rag one last time, Naruto let it flop on the side of the bucket full of dirty water before turning to scowl at the teacher.

But Iruka ignored him, content to stare at the table with a jaw-dropped expression.

"..."

"I'm done," Naruto finally called out after waiting several minutes, but demon-sensei continued to remain frozen.

Naruto shrugged at the lack of response before returning the bucket to the locker.

He was about to leave when he stopped at a very important realization...he had no equipment for tonight. Just that explosive tag that dog-boy had forgotten about.

He turned back and stared at the still form of demon-sensei before he scowled again. Yeah, that wasn't going to work.

-o-o-o-

---

Soon after, Naruto found himself sitting alone at the playground outside of the academy. As he slowly rocked back and forth on his swing, Naruto wondered what to do next. It wasn't very late since he hadn't stayed long after school to clean up.

He spied Iruka leave the academy from the front entrance in a half-drunken manner. A small part of his mind that was geared toward pranking quickly concluded that, with demon-sensei's departure, the building was probably empty now.

While it would normally be correct; it was wrong this time.

There was still someone on the third floor, peering down. Silently watching.

The playground was empty. He wasn't very surprised, as the people walking past the playground were turning around to go back the other way, glaring at him, or, in the case of that pair of women, whispering. It wasn't that the negative attention wasn't getting to him. But years of exposure had allowed him to develop a slight immunity. It still hurt though.

Before he could decide whether to just get up and leave, maybe head out to dinner, he noticed a girl with white eyes staring at him from atop a steep hill.

Seeing that she had his attention, she scowled and made a gesture for him to come over.

Not seeing the harm, he stood up and made his way over.

Right before he could get within two arm's length from her, he let out an oof.

She had jumped forward and slammed a palm right into his chest.

Seeing how he was walking up a hill at the time and completely unprepared for the attack, he was soon screaming bloody murder as he fell backwards and started rolling downhill, kicking up grass with every turn.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"What was that for?!" he wheezed once as he ran up to her. It hadn't taken long at all for him to catch up, indicating that she had been waiting for him a little. "Stop it already, that's like the third time!"

"..." there was no response from the offender as she continued walking.

Unamused, Naruto quickly went around and stopped right before her, cutting her off.

Left. Right. He continued to match her movements as she tried to walk around him.

Seeing how he wasn't letting her pass, she turned around and started to walk back the way that she came.

Naruto hurried after her.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Move" the girl finally ordered when he had blocked her off for the third time.

"No way -ttebayo! Not till you apologize."

"I apologize."

"Goo-"

"Heh. Did you really think I would say that? Idiot." the girl laughed maliciously as she walked around and past him.

"Grr!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Will you stop this already?" the girl finally demanded.

Naruto had become a wall to block her path again. The girl had stubbornly tried to move past him, but whatever she tried he always seemed to be there.

The blond boy just stood there like a sentinel, his smile stretched to its utmost limit giving him a distinctly foxlike appearance. Of course, he would be lying if he wasn't deriving some sort of enjoyment from this after being on the other end for so long. But it was harmless fun, so it should be alright? Right?

"I'll buy you a bowl of ramen if you let me pass."

Naruto would normally jump at the opportunity, however...

"Do you have the money?" he demanded in a rather rude tone that caused the girl to frown.

She reached into a sleeve of her kimono and pulled out a small brown bag. She shook it up and down a few times, metallic clinks filling the air indicated that her bag had something inside.

"Show me what's inside."

She frowned before loosening the drawstring on the bag and shook something out. One thing only. Or at least she tried to. Instead, everything poured out and ended up scattered onto the floor.

It wasn't much, but it still made a mess. The girl growled.

Her growl sounded kind of cute. But Naruto knew that he had better help or else.

23 ryo and a small jade medallion, that's how much they ended up picking up off the ground.

"Are you happy now?" she asked, glaring at him as she gave a sharp unneeded yank on the drawstring of her money pouch before hiding it away.

"Yup," he cheerfully replied without an ounce of guilt. It wasn't his fault for being cautious, this girl...she had tricked him before.

And with that he stepped aside, only to gape as she turned around and walked off.

"Hey hey hey! The ramen stand is that way!" he called out.

"I'm going this way," the small girl replied as she continued on her way.

"But..." he started to say, but she wasn't stopping to listen. "Hey! We had a deal!"

"I never said now," came a somewhat distant reply.

Which was true actually. But so help him, Naruto was going to get his ramen. "Hey, wait up!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Leave me alone already..." the small girl grumbled.

"Nuh uh. Not without my ramen."

"..."

"..."

Naruto gave the girl a hard slap on the back in what was supposed to be a friendly gesture. She gave a yelp as she stumbled forward somewhat before he caught her by throwing one arm over her shoulder and using his other hand to steady her.

"So the ramen is this way -ttebayo," he said as he blatantly tried to turn her around.

No luck. "Do not touch me," the girl angrily ordered as she started to squirm in his grip. "Let me go!"

And then she was free, and on her way again.

When Naruto chased after her this time, a small grin was creeping its way onto his face. She didn't know it, but her kimono was now sporting an academy grade explosive tag on its backside. Now he just needed to wait for her to return to her mansion. That'll teach her.

But the girl wasn't in a hurry. And it was too quiet when nobody was saying anything.

Naruto finally decided to break the silence.

"I'm hungry. Aren't you hungry?"

"..."

"Where are you going anyway?"

"..."

"What time is it?"

"..."

"Say something!"

"..."

But she didn't. And silence filled the air again.

"Are we there yet?" He finally asked.

"..."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"You asked that already."

"So you're listening."

"I'm not."

"You are -ttebayo!"

"..." She stopped speaking right there.

Several more minutes of silence passed. Once again, it was Naruto that broke it.

"But I really am hungry. Aren't you?"

"...No."

"..." The tone in her voice had suggested that he wasn't going to get a positive reply if he asked again.

"..."

Grasping around, he finally hit upon something else to say.

"...So hey. I was taking a walk the other night. And it was really really dark..."

"..." Naruto didn't see Hanabi stumble midstep before she continued as if nothing happened.

"...so then, I heard a loud noise behind me. It surprised me. But when I turned to look, there was nothing there."

"..."

"..."

"Yesterday, Old man Teuchi was really nice."

"..."

"There was an extra helping of meat in one of my bowls. I thanked him afterwards."

"..."

"Ne ne, I'm planning on going to training ground three tomorrow to salvage for leftover ninja equipment. Do you want to come along?"

"..."

"How come you're outside anyway? Shouldn't you be training at this time?"

He wasn't the most observant, but when the girl stilled, Naruto couldn't help but feel that he had stepped on a landmine.

The girl stood there trembling for what seemed like forever. Reaching a tentative hand out, he quickly drew back when he heard her small voice.

"F-father..."

And then the girl exploded. "Father prefers Onee-sama!"

"Eh?!"

Before he could react, there was a rapid pat pat pat as the girl took off running.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Unknown to either child, a shadow was following them. The shadow had been following them since the academy. It had been an idle curiosity at first, but more and more now it looked like an amazing opportunity.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"...," he looked at her.

"...," she continued to stare.

"This isn't your mansion," he finally said.

"It isn't."

"This is my apartment," he grasped.

"Yes."

"What are we doing here?"

"Flowers."

"Huh?"

"You have flowers. You told me last time."

"Oh yeah! Did you finally want to see them? I'm growing them on the roof."

"Roof," the girl quietly repeated as she started walking to the metal stairwell on the side of the building, only to stop at the first step.

"It's falling apart," was the girl's blunt observation..

It was true, but she could have been nicer about it. A three story structure. Old and decrepit. Located at the outskirts of the village. Cracks decorated the walls and vines and other greenery grew up the sides. It could be really chilly in the winter and roasting during the summer. It was a nice day today though, but he preferred being outside on those days.

Naruto was the only one living here. Even the apartment manager lived in another building some way aways. Since he was the only one here, it was a pain in the ass when he needed something repaired since it could be weeks before someone would come by. Like the water from last night. He'd been waiting two weeks now. He planned on fixing it himself pretty soon if this kept up.

"Hahaha, yeah. But since no one lives here but me, it's basically all mine -ttebayo."

And then the girl started walking again, her wooden sandals clanging on the metal mesh stairs as she made her way up one...two flights of stairs before stopping to look around. Then she continued upwards again.

When he finally realized that he was following her, they were on the roof. It was the perfect place for Naruto to host a garden. There was plenty of sunlight, and he had no worries of the flower pots blowing away during a storm due to the waist-high walls that surrounded every side of the roof. They were taller than Hanabi actually.

Naruto's idea was to cover the entire roof with flowers. He had started the initial batch in a corner with the most light during the Spring. Of course, since it was a new idea, Naruto's garden wasn't even three months old so there wasn't much to show for it yet. Still, one of his flowers was in full bloom already. A soft pink rose which reminded him of Sakura-chan. And that happened to be the one that Hanabi promptly plucked.

Noooo! Mr. Ukki! Forgive me! Your cousin was killed in action!

"Oi! What'd you do?!"

Hanabi shrunk back, intimidated by his shout. "I took a flower."

"So heartless! You murdered Ms. Saki!"

The girl still didn't understand. "It's just a flower."

"Ms. Saki wasn't just a flower, she was Mr. Ukki's cousin!"

As Naruto blubbered over the flower, Hanabi could only glance around uncomfortably. It was just a flower.

She stopped to stare when she saw someone that she didn't recognize walking up the steps. He was a silver-haired ninja with his forehead protector attached to a black bandanna. There was a dark expression on his face. It disappeared quickly when he caught her staring at him.

Without wasting a moment, Hanabi tugged on the sleeve of the boy the boy clad in orange.

Her action caused Naruto to stop ranting and stare at her before he in the direction that she was looking.

"Mizuki-sensei?" Naruto asked, recognizing the incoming figure as Hanabi quickly hid behind him. Neither of the two children noticed the teacher's eye narrow slightly at that.

"Yo. Fine weather today, huh?" the Chuunin assistant instructor greeted in a pleasant tone of voice.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked, confused.

"Why, to take the little lady home."

"What?"

A triumphant smirk appeared on the teacher's face.

"I can see that she hasn't told you yet. This girl ran off. I happened to be in the area at the time. So her parents came to me and asked me to look for her."

"Really? What did her parents say?"

"Her mother begged me to bring her back safely."

"Hang on a second," Naruto quickly said as he turned to the smaller girl.

"He's lying," she whispered.

"But he's a teacher and an adult. Don't they usually tell the truth?" Naruto reassured her.

"You believe him?" the small girl demanded in a small voice.

"Yeah" he whispered back. "sorry Hanabi-chan. You should go home now. Your parents are worried for you."

He turned around and beckoned for his teacher to approach.

Taking that as his cue, Mizuki came over with a pleasant smile on his face. He reached out a hand for the small girl to take.

*Smack*

And then, with a casual swipe, Naruto slapped the outstretched hand aside as his eyes narrowed.

"...if you had visited the Hyuugas, you would know that asking for help finding one of their own is the last thing that they would do. Why are you really here, Mizuki-sensei?"

"What if I told them that I knew where their daughter was?"

"They still wouldn't ask -ttebayo. But even if they did, you should know that Hanabi's mother couldn't have asked you for anything."

"Why is that?"

"She's not there. I looked. Several times."

"Heh. You're smarter than I gave you credit for. Not surprising I suppose. It's not like that's your true form after ALL!" his hand formed the tiger seal.

"?!" Hanabi didn't even have time to say a thing when Naruto grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the wall.

And then the concrete barrier exploded.

"What the hell!" the blond boy screeched as the smoke cleared. There was a gaping hole where a wall used to be. Of his new garden...it was gone.

"You avoided it?"

"Are you kidding? If I hadn't we would have died!"

"I'm pretty sure that was the idea," Mizuki dryly commented.

Naruto was taken aback. "What?!"

"What's going on?!" the small girl next to him asked, her eyes wide as panic started to set in.

"Well, no matter." the teacher said with an easy shrug as he lowered himself into a solid stance. "This works out better anyway. Let's just say that you assassinated the Hyuuga heiress and I was here to keep you from getting away."

"What do you mean?" the boy asked in a confused tone, trying to wrap his head around this situation.

"Sorry Naruto-kun, the explosion is going to draw attention so I don't have much time to explain things," And then he dashed at them.

It would be nice to say that there was an epic battle. But in reality, there is a big difference between a Chuunin and a student from the academy. As it stands, Naruto barely had time to push Hanabi aside before he was sent flying by Mizuki's push. Right through the new hole in the wall and off the roof.

His screams ended with a distant sounding crunch.

With that, Mizuki dusted off his hands before drawing a kunai.

"Sorry little lady, but in order for me to avoid trouble you are going to have to die."

But the girl wasn't listening. "What's going on?" she repeated over and over again to herself as she ran to the edge only to stop and fall to her knees right before she reached the precipice. She slowly leaned forward, afraid for what she would find below.

Mizuki couldn't help but grin. "Well, that makes it easier," he said as he started to walk toward the distracted girl, a kunai spinning in his grip.

"Like hell!"

It was almost perfect. Almost. Had Naruto not shouted, he would have succeeded in getting the drop on an unsuspecting Chuunin.

As it stands, announcing his presence allowed his opponent to gracefully dodge the jump kick with a minor flourish. Naruto was left stuck in that critical moment where he was still in midair and unable to defend against a counterattack.

Which Mizuki gladly delivered with a vicious kick to the boy's unprotected backside. Launching him right off the building's edge again.

"Aaaaaaaaah!"

"?!" Amidst the yelling from the boy, there was an impact and a squeak of pain and surprise.

It turns out that staying near the edge of a building's rooftop is a bad idea if there's nothing keeping you from falling down and objects are flying everywhere. During his second impromptu flight, Naruto was unable to keep himself from tackling the youngest Hyuuga heir, unwittingly ripping her from her spot and taking her down with him.

As the two hurtled toward the unyielding ground in a mass of tangled limbs, Naruto finally managed to pull himself free. However, instead of reaching for the tree branches like last time, he held the terrified girl in a tight hug as he subtly angled them so that he would hit the ground first.

This was going to hurt.

Especially when, in his panic-stricken vision, he saw their attacker slowly approaching them from above, a knife held high above his head.

Now what? He had to cushion the girl from the fall, but her backside was unprotected.

And then he remembered.

Naruto grinned as his hands formed a seal from Hanabi's backside.

Mizuki himself seemed to realize what was happening as well when his eyes widened.

And then a massive cloud of smoke erupted into the air, starting from the tag on the back of the girl's kimono.

The impact with the ground happened a second later, knocking the wind right out of him as his organs felt like they were being flattened to a pulp.

His body screamed in agony, but he didn't have any time to just lay there and rest. Instead, realizing that he was protecting someone, he was already in motion, swiveling Hanabi around so that she was underneath him.

He grinned at the small girl under him. It couldn't have been a pretty sight as his teeth were starting to turn red with blood. "Sleep a little, ne? Hanabi-chan? I'll take care of this."

She nodded in mute horror, not understanding a word of what he had just said.

But the expected stab did not come immediately.

"Of course you would survive the fall. It's you after all," Mizuki laughed hollowly. He raised the kunai in his hand high above the air, "try surviving this then."

Then the kunai stabbed into his backside.

"Guh."

It was either fortuitous timing or long experience, but Naruto shifted forward just enough that the knife struck a less critical spot. Still, Naruto's vision darkened for a near instant as he let out another gasp.

And then the kunai was ripped out, eliciting a shriek of pain. From underneath him, Hanabi's shriek added to his own as the unearthly wail from terrified her.

"You're still alive?! Die already!" Mizuki roared as he stabbed down again.

When it hit, Naruto couldn't suppress it anymore. Mindful of the girl underneath him, Naruto barely managed to turn his head before he nearly hacked his lungs out, blood spewing in flecks out with each cough. Anger seized him.

Mizuki stumbled back as the boy, that should be dead, pushed himself to his feet with a loud roar before turning to him.

"Mizuki-sensei, why are you doing this?" the blond boy angrily demanded, wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand.

"W-Why?!" The gray haired man took a step back, unable to comprehend the scene before him. It was a critical hit, the boy should have died immediately.

"WHY!" the blond boy roared again before he nearly fell to his knees again as a fit of coughs surged through his system again.

Seeing this, Mizuki's courage returned.

"You're all the same. You're all the same! I was an orphan too! What do you have that I don't?!" he asked, shaking in rage.

"Huh?"

"Why do you two get all the luck?! Why are you getting treated better than I was?!"

"Wha-wha?"

"You know what I've found out? If you want people to acknowledge you, you need power."

"To show them how powerful I've become, I'm going to kill you."

"You who killed hundreds of ninja in one night. By killing you, I'll show that I'm the strongest."

Before he could reply, demand for an explanation, Naruto was forced to bend over as a kunai stabbed him in the gut.

"Slime!" the girl cried out in horror.

"that's...mean...-bi-chan!" Naruto managed to gasp out before he reflexively sucked in air as Mizuki pushed the kunai in deeper. He started to cough again, blood filling the air.

"You win! You win! You've shown that you're strong. Let us go!" Hanabi screamed.

"You think I'm going to let you go?" Mizuki mocked.

"Errrgh" Naruto groaned as he fought the painshakily raised an arm toward the quickly pointed at the bystander. "Run...I...got...this..."

The girl took a step back. Then another. "I-I...sorry Slime!" Then she turned and did just that.

"Jeez...it's...Na-ru...to...," Soon afterward, Naruto went limp.

"Heh. I did it." A hollow feeling seemed to fill Mizuki as he dropped the body and walked away. Now he had to find the girl.

A slight scraping noise made him stop. He hesitated before turning around, not wanting to confirm it. But he did turn around.

Naruto was slowly getting to his feet.

"Why?! Why won't you die?! Am I still weak?!"

Naruto let out a cough as he clutched his abdomen.

"Played dead." the boy rasped with a grimace as red rapidly blossomed right where he held the new stab wound. He took a deep breath before he raised his head to stare defiantly at his instructor.

"Why won't I die? Because I can't! Not until Hanabi-chan is safe!" he ended the last part shakily, but loudly.

"Safe? Safe?! Once I'm done with you, I'll get rid of her!"

"I won't let you!"

"You'll be dead!"

"I'll come back as a ghost to stop you!"

"Hah! A ghost?! What are you going to do, pass right through me?!"

"Shut up! I'll find a way"

"I'd like to see you try! Now die!" the Chuunin ordered as he plunged a kunai right into the boy again.

"Gufah."

"Finally," Mizuki sighed in relief as he stared at the body.

Then it twitched. Terrified, the Chuunin punted the body away.

When he finally skidded to a stop next to the stairs, Naruto slowly staggered to his feet. It hurt so much!

"What the fuck! Give it up already! I'm a Chuunin. You're not even out of the academy yet! You haven't even laid a scratch on me yet!"

With a pained grunt, Naruto ripped the kunai from his gut again. The gut, twice! What was Mizuki trying to pull?! Ergh, it hurt! Or maybe it was because of his last second actions keeping the wounds nonfatal? Ugh, this pain was almost as bad as dying. Kami-sama, maybe he shouldn't have pulled that kunai out. There was so much blood. Coughing harshly, he collected his breath before he slowly straightened up.

"Have you ever had someone to protect before?" the blond boy demanded quietly.

"..."

"Yeah well, I haven't. But you know what? I have one this time."

"..."

"And guess what? This might be the only time that it ever happens. So I'm not going to screw this up. I'll make sure that she gets out alive -ttebayo."

He raised his head, fire seemed to burn in his eyes. "I'm not giving u-"

Mizuki sucker punched him, sending the boy sprawling several meters, a red spot appearing on the concrete everytime the boy bounced. He slid to a stop in front of the first set of stairs to his apartment. Mizuki remained where he was standing, right next to the first set of stairs.

Naruto slowly stood up again. The kunai was gone from his grip, released when Mizuki sucker punched him.

"What would you know?! Someone to protect? It's impossible! Someone stronger than you always comes and makes it impossible! First it's the drunk! Then it's a god incarnate! Do you know what it's like to stand by and watch helplessly as it happens?!"

Naruto spat out blood as he used the wall to remain upright. "It's true -ttebayo! I haven't!"

"But whatever the hell a Chuunin is, or even if you're god, I'm not going to sit back and let you hurt Hanabi-chan!"

This time Naruto was allowed to scream as loud as he wanted. And he had to or he would collapse right then and there.

"Ahhhhhhh," he cried as he charged...up the stairs.

Mizuki started for a moment before he realized the boy's intention. Whatever, let him come. A weakness of midair attacks is that once they're dodged, the user is unabled to do anything else.

And Naruto delivered. With one motion, awkward from his injuries, he had stopped in the middle of climbing the second set of stairs before slinging himself right over the railing. Using a free leg to kick off from the side, he launched himself at the teacher.

Mizuki waited underneath, tensing as he gathered the energy to kill the boy with one final strike.

The trajectory was easy to predict and as it approached, Mizuki started to shift to the left slightly as his kunai started to stab upwards right at his opponent's heart.

A malicious grin appeared on his face as he saw his opponent's eyes widening. It had realized that it had made a mistake.

Then there was a sharp pain to the back of Mizuki's left leg. Right behind the knee. His supporting leg collapsed immediately, causing him to stumble.

Unable to recover, Mizuki only had time to turn his head and see strands of black. And then Naruto happened.

The impact from the boy's foot caused the teacher's head to spin as one of his molars was knocked loose. Dazed and disoriented, the teacher staggered several steps before he fell into the space underneath the stairs.

When Mizuki finally raised his head, a pale-faced Naruto was there in front of him on one knee panting heavily. The daughter of the Hyuuga main branch was next to the boy, trying to help him up.

Blood welled up from a new cut on Naruto's right cheek, slashing through one of the boy's whiskers. "Get it now?" he demanded.

When Naruto saw the small nod from his opponent, the blond boy grinned before pulling his hand from the girl's grip and holding it out for a bonding handshake.

"Then watch after her for me, will you?" And with that, Naruto collapsed, his hand still extended.

Time seemed to stop as the inhabitants tried to process what had happened.

Then there was a loud shriek and time flowed once again. As the girl started trying to wake the boy up, black forms started to enter the clearing as the ninja finally arrived.

-o-o-o-

---

Chapter 1 End.

Next Time! Chapter 2: Before the Red Dawn

-o-o-o-

---

Flandre Scarlet
A vampire who, because of her unnaturally strong power that are nigh uncontrollable, has been asked by her sister to stay in her room for four-hundred and...ninety years.
- Series: Touhou
- Family members: Remilia Scarlet (Older sister)
- Age: 495
- Species: Vampire

Traits:
- Easy to distract - Easy-going
- Takes things too far - good chance of someone dying
- Deadly cute - warning: do not take it literally. Aka, flee on sight or face the consequences.
- Lonely - her strength makes her an outcast, as many run away in fear or keep her at a distance when she appears.
- Extremely strong physically and magically. - vampire traits
- Enhanced speed granted by being a vampire. - more vampire traits
- Seeker of fun - After staying in her room for so many years, everything seems new to her.

Skills:
- Four of a Kind - Where there was one, now there are four.
- Destroy anything - Has an ability to destroy anything by crushing its "eye"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto Uzumaki
The protagonist of, you guessed it, Naruto. He would later be known as the number one must unpredictable ninja. But for now, he's still attending the academy. His henges are a bit strange.

- Series: Naruto
- Family Members: Kushina Uzumaki (Mother - deceased), Minato Namikaze (Father - deceased)
- Age: 10
- Species: Human

Traits:
- Master of combat - despite being at an overwhelming disadvantage, can still pull off a victory without a firm strategy by using off-the-wall tactics, extreme courage, inability to give up, and a helpful dose of stupidity.
- Trouble-magnet - with a combination of S-ranked missing nin after his passenger, fate being mean, and a mouth that doesn't know when to stop...he's probably going to die young.
- Jinchuuriki - Houses the nine-tailed fox, Kurama.
- Nice guy - Cheers up sad girls. Protects the weak. Saves princesses. Only one of which is actually a trait of a nice guy. But he'll become one of those guys that you'll want as a friend.
- Lover of Orange - Not only because those who can remain undetected while wearing orange are pure awesomeness. Orange is the best color ever!
- Lover of Ramen - Food of the gods!
- Fast healer - When used in conjunction with trouble-magnet, extends life by another 5 seconds.
- Vulnerable to tests - He's not truly stupid, but you can say that written tests are one of his weak points.
- Extremely large chakra reserve - at least Jounin level
- Optimistic - Sees the positive side of things.
- Realist - dying nearly everyday in dreams can't possibly be healthy. Conflicts with optimism. (Reduces loyalty. Lowers chance of trusting strangers. Not afraid to die. High pain tolerance.)
- Survivalist - Continues trying to find ways to survive up until the end.
- Stubborn - If you disagree with him, you're wrong even if you're right.
- Unpredictable - Does not follow common sense.
- Magician - Don't discount him yet. He's known for making the impossible possible. And not by magic.

Skills:
- Henge - This is not the standard ninja disguise technique. Naruto doesn't realize and others haven't realized.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Hanabi Hyuuga
Hyuuga Hinata's younger sister. Possible heir of the Hyuuga main house. For now, she's just a child.
- Series: Naruto
- Family Members: Hyuuga Hiashi (Father), Hyuuga Hinata (Sister), Hyuuga Neji (Cousin)
- Age: 5
- Species: Human

Traits:
- Precocious - Adultlike for her age
- Gullible - Naruto is her worst enemy.
- Lazy - you wouldn't know it, and I probably wasn't supposed to mention this until later
- Teacher's pet - seeks her father's approval
- Strategist, and yet...not - plans are too complicated to execute. She's too optimistic about the results. She doesn't stop when crucial steps fail. And her intentions with a plan are crazy to begin with.

Skills:
- Byakugan - By sending chakra to her eyes, Hanabi is granted a one-hundred and eighty degree vision up to a distance of 6 meters for a duration of thirty seconds. In other words, it doesn't improve her normal sight much. I guess she can use it to see through walls if needed.
- Jyuuken Level 0 - Beginner's level.

-o-o-o-

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Author's Notes:
Okay then. This is a reboot of the original version of Naruto the Combat Butler. While I still don't make Naruto a butler in the first two chapters, I've taken the liberty of leapfrogging the original storyline by about a week so that we start off with a bit of action.

This would be one of my 2nd generation stories featuring improved storytelling skills and more ideas. The problem with a second generation story lies in how long each chapter will take to come out. Still, I like this version of the story better since it gets into the action right away.

-o-o-o-o-o-

(What else?)
(1) If you're wondering why Hanabi came back when she's just a child, she's 5...Hyuuga pride has been instilled since she was even younger. I'm very certain that she was afraid, but she was probably even more afraid of being frowned upon by her father.
(2) I tried to fit in a -ttebayo here and there to reflect Naruto's speech pattern. I'm wondering whether I should remove them all completely unless it's appropriate. I agree that they're distracting, but I was thinking it would add atmosphere.

-o-o-o-o-o-

(Further Reads)
For those Toaru Majutsu no Index fans, have you seen "A Certain Unknown Level 0" by MrQuestionMark? I'm trying to study that author's writing style because I feel that it's a really dynamic way to storytell while conveying details and events in small manageable paragraphs. But if you're a fan of the Toaru franchise, I think you'll also like the story as well.

-o-o-o-o-o-

(Review Policy)
Anyway, about reviews: I don't need compliments, I need facts and opinions. Most of what I know of the two series is from the several million words of fanfiction that I've read over the years so I know that a story this complicated is bound to have holes, mistaken beliefs, or other misremembered details. While I'll do the research as I think of questions, I still need reviews to point out what you disagree with.

For instance, that scene at the end with Mizuki. I like it, but it seems to conflict with Naruto's "Realist" trait. I'm trying to reconcile the difference, but the closest that I've come up with so far is that Naruto is still very much an "optimist" at heart and realism doesn't show up often. The alternative is to change the trait to "Dangerously Reduced fear of death." But I wonder if that's considered a negative trait.

I also need reviews with common event ideas.

Umm, for instance, I'm still trying to work out how to add the following scene that I saw in "Dog and Scissors."

"Choose!" she ordered.

"Eh?" Naruto took a step back as a black miasma of evil seemed to surround her.

"(A) Die. (B) Die. (C) Die."

"What choice?! All three lead to a bad end!"

"Times up. In that case, you will receive A, B, and C and die three times."

But if you don't review, that's fine as well. As the author writing a story that I would like to read, I acknowledge that I can't depend on others to do my work for me. In addition, I consider myself enough of a fan of both series that it's honor enough to write something like this for them. In other words, I'll just plug in scenes as I think of them. It's how I made this chapter after all.

-o-o-o-o-o-

(Acknowledgements)
Minders for bringing up some unclear points. I've made some changes to the chapters to clarify some terms that I've been throwing around

-o-o-o-o-o-

(Final thoughts)
I have general ideas on how both worlds are going to proceed but no real ending. Because of that, think of this as a story that I'll keep playing with until I decide to end it abruptly. Hmm...sort of like a light novel, I suppose. Here's to hoping I get to volume 2.

-o-o-o-

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Last Update For This Chapter: 12/5/2013