Disclaimer: Indy Best Girl

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I trapped myself into a vocaloid rabbit hole and I can't get out

Reviews:

Rick Astley: Ikemen Independence when?

War Corgi: That thicc PLOT is my favorite Plot, if you know what I mean. ( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

Davian: Portland's displays of affection are always legal, what do you mean? Are you assuming that drugging/stripping/harassing somebody is against the law? What kind of madness is this?

Severak: Too long ago. Too long. Good thing Indy is coming back. Soon.

Louisville's POV:

Okay Louisville. Keep calm. You can do it.

I paced along the sidewalk outside of Portland's house. What if Portland changes her mind? I mean, I did try to cheat against her. And mortally wound her. And indirectly tried to permanently separate her from her sister.

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That sounds a lot worse now that I say it in my head.

But she will still forgive me, right? She did it last week, didn't she?

But maybe that's because she was on some mentally inhibiting stabilizer or something like that. Once she sobers up and thinks about it, then perhaps she'll reevaluate her decision. I mean, I would too. This might be a very bad idea. I mean, let's be honest, who in the world would actually accept my apology?

Well, I've come all this way though. I can't give up now, right?

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Okay. Let's go.

I knocked on the door only to find it budge slightly. So Portland didn't lock her door? That's somewhat odd.

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"Portland?" I poked my head inside.

Right in front of me, was a blindfolded carrier fondling her hands under the skirt of a wheelchaired cruiser.

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"I am so sorry." I closed the door and backed out of the room.

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Which hole was that in? I mean, the finger ca-

"Would you like to help me?" The carrier swung open the door again.

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"No no no!" I covered my face. "I'm not very experienced and kinky so I couldn't really help..."

"No, you should come on in." The carrier grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.

"I think I have to go somewhere!" I held down my libido and futilely pushed away from her.

"I doubt that." The carrier lead me inside. "I specifically need your help with this pushy crusier."

A Threesome!?

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Mom, I've made it.

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"So we're changing diapers." I hid my disappointment.

"It's not a diaper!" Montpelier gripped her head. "It's a highly distinguished medical device designed for handicapped use!"

"But it looks like a diaper, cleaned like a diaper, and used like a diaper." I leaned back in my chair, frustrated.

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"Very clever." Montpelier mocked. "Hur De Dur I'm Louisville and I am a diaper connoisseur!"

"So did you admi-"

"Don't bother." Intrepid advised me before patting my back.

"But it is a diaper." I pointed out.

"This will never end." Intrepid warned. "Let's talk about more important things. First off, why are you here?"

"I am here on my own volition." I stated.

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"So did Portland kidnap your sister, mother or best friend?" Montpelier whispered to me.

"Montpelier!" Intrepid jolted upwards from her seat, shocked.

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"You know that Portland is far more likely to get in trouble with the law." Intrepid reasoned. "Louisville here is just an agent sent by the officer corp to arrest her."

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"Wait Wait!" I held my hands up as Montpelier reached for (presumably) a weapon in her bag. "I'm not here to arrest anybody."

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"You're not?" Intrepid raised her eyebrows.

"Can you?" Montpelier asked, pulling out a couple of very incriminating photos. (1)

"I am not and I will not." I shook my head. "Besides, where is Portland right now anyways?"

"She's preparing for Indy's return." Intrepid informed me.

"You know, I've heard a lot about this 'Indy'." I backtracked, raising a finger up. "But who is Indy anyways?"

"Well!" Montpelier puffed out her chest. "Let me explain to such a novice like you about Portland's obsession with her sister. It first started in a small town in 1933..."

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"Basically, Portland is in love with her sister." Intrepid summarized over Montpelier's fanatical droning. "So much that she is willing to do quite literally anything."

"Isn't that super unhealthy and borderline illegal?" I asked.

"It is illegal." Intrepid nodded.

"Then how-"

"Don't ask how." Intrepid interrupted. "You should never ask how or why when concerning Portland. Portland is akin to some mythical creatures in which she is able to do things many consider unnatural and always get away from it. It's a miracle that she isn't in jail already."

"Hasn't she gone to jail?" I pointed out.

"Yes." Intrepid confirmed.

"Then why-"

"Don't ask why." Intrepid placed her finger on my lips. "It's better for the both of us."

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"...And that's the brief summary of Indy!" Montpelier gasped for air before resuming her lecturing posture. "Any questions?"

Intrepid glared at me silently.

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"No, not at all!" I lied.

"As expected." Montpelier smugly crossed her arms. "My explanation skills are just far too great."

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"Can I have some tea?"

"Here you go."

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"So what are we waiting for?" I asked to break the awkward silence.

"I assume we're waiting for Portland to get ready." Intrepid tapped the table.

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"Is it just me or do you hear snoring?" Montpelier closed her eyes to focus on a slight buzzing sound.

Intrepid silently got up from her chair and walked over to a closed door.

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"PORTLAND!"

"Coming!" The cruiser ran out of the room and into the hallway wall before stumbling towards several bags on the couch.

"WE waited four hours for you to take a nap!?" Montpelier groaned incredulously.

"In my defense, I felt that something good was going to happen. Like, extremely good." Portland exclaimed, running towards the wheelchair and grabbing her shoulders. "So I went to sleep and Indy was in a Bikini! And then she asked for me to apply sunscre-"

"I don't want to hear your fantasies." Montpelier flicked Portland's forehead, causing the siscon to recoil in pain. "Let's just go now."

"But I wanted for Indy-"

"Now." Montpelier rolled her wheelchair over Portland's foot.

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"Yes Ma'am."

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"Why are we here?" I looked up at the glowing Gan-gu(t)cci sign from outside the stainless windows. (2)

"Yeah." Portland crossed her arms. "Victorious' Secret is a far better apparel store. These handbags look like overpriced junk."

"Just trust me." Intrepid opened the door and motioned for us to come in. "This is the best gift any cruiser can get."

"It's one of the best fashion companies that has ever graced this planet." Montpelier fangirled as she spun around. "The experience itself could be priced in the hundreds of gems!"

"Montpelier," Portland interrupted the twirling cruiser and brought her back to reality. "I am not rich. Let's just go and buy some aphrodisiacs and get this done with."

"No." Intrepid walked towards us and dropped a handbag right into Portland's arms. "Indy would like this better than any attempt you make to drug her."

"No she wouldn't." Montpelier snatched the bag before mercilessly critiquing Intrepid. "Who in their right mind would think BLUE is a good color for a bag. Blue is the most ugly color you could choose in the entire spectrum of light. And what is with this handle? You know for a fact that this will start to buckle within two years."

"Well what bag are you going to choose, Mademoiselle?" Intrepid bickered. "You are probably going to go with a checkered tan and brown handbag that will just shout 'I AM AS BASIC AS BAKING SODA ON THE PH SCALE' to literally everybody in the world."

"They are called classics because they look good!" Montpelier spouted. "You just have no taste. I bet that's why you eat junk food every day you fat carrier."

"EXCUSE ME?!" Intrepid raised her voice.

"Ladies~" A Russian cruiser twirled towards the quarreling couple. "You are disturbing the other customers. Would you mind keeping it down?"

"Minsk." Montpelier held up the two bags. "Which one is best?"

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"Hmmm.." Minsk paused to appraise both items. "Well, we have the traditional classic tan and brown bag compared to such a radical blue purse. Both of them have their own appeals: The traditional one will show those watching that you are steady and reliable. However, the shocking blue will alert others to your energetic natures. It's really hard to tell which one is better from a purely stylistic viewpoint."

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"So then which one is better." Intrepid pressed.

"Well." Minsk rubbed her chin. "I suppose once you take away the style portion, you must look at it from a purely objective standpoint. In essence, which one will be more versatile and therefore, better valued. There isn't a good measure for this, as each of our Gan-gu(t)cci bags are hand made and thus have different strengths and weaknesses. The only way to find out which one is better, is to buy both." (3)

"Sounds like a deal!" Intrepid and Montpelier turned expectantly towards Portland.

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"I am not paying…" Portland's eyes widened as she read the price tag. "FOUR THOUSAND GEMS for these overpriced sags of leather!"

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"So in the end, you just got her a new turret." I sighed as we walked down the avenue.

"It's a classic." Portland defended her choices.

"It's basic." Montpelier voiced her contempt.

"Of course you would know what basic is." Intrepid taunted. "Mrs. Baking Soda."

"At least I have taste." Montpelier snorted.

"Well not with that outfit, no no." Intrepid stopped wheeling her.

"Do you want your foot to be crushed?" Montpelier turned to face her.

I began to laugh.

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"You okay?" Portland asked me.

"I'm sorry." I smiled. "It's just that… I'm really happy right now I guess."

"Why?" Portland nudged me.

"Well, I mean, I've just been an outcast for so long." I opened up. "Ever since my last sister Chicago died, I haven't really been able to talk with anybody. And that incident with Bremington certainly didn't help much… I'm just very very thankful that you guys are willing to accept me."

Intrepid patted my back. "Hey, we're all outcasts here-"

"I'm not." Montpelier interjected.

"-But we'll always be for each other."

"You guys are outcasts too?" I narrowed my eyes.

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"What do you think we are?" Intrepid asked me.

"I thought you guys were just a group of horny lesbians." I responded frankly.

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"That's…" Intrepid stopped in her tracks. "Well Portland is, but Montpelier -wait, no Cleveland-, umm… I'm not.. well…"

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"Touche."

Footnotes:

(1): Those photos may or may not have been taken without consent, but who really cares about the fine details anyways...

(2): Ah yes, one of my favorite fashion brands. It's up there with Saint Louis Vuitton and JB Penny's

(3): A certain green cat would be proud, Nya~

Okay. I lied.

Indy is coming back next chapter. I think.

Only one way to find out!

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On a side note, do you guys remember the plot twist I mentioned a long time ago? *Foreshadowing*

Anyways, See you next week!