"I love you" unlike the possessive chanting of the witch of envy this declaration of love felt real. Whether it was the soft spoken way the hooded figure said it, or the care in her bell like voice, or perhaps it was just the situation.
Either way, instead of the rage and sorrow Subaru felt when the witch said those words, this time his chest felt warm and his throat clenched making any response he may of given die.
Had he been able to speak however, what would his response have been?
Instead of how he brazenly told the witch of envy, a being known for destroying half of the world, that he would find it easier to love any of the other witches, he feared what his response this time would have been this time.
Such was how Natsuki Subaru started every night and ended every day since the events of sanctuary. He always woke up wondering what Rem would think of him now, he also wondered if Beatrice knew what was going on, he feared what Emilia's reaction would be the most however.
Still none of that stopped him from this, now even if he could he wouldn't give this arrangement up.
He never did find out how Satella managed to gain enough power to visit him every night for so long, he eventually stopped caring and just let whatever happen, happen.
She'd always start the night the same way, a declaration that Subaru had no doubt about being truthful, a declaration that he still doesn't know how to answer.
Obviously he knows what he should say and should feel and should think, but for whatever reason what he should be cant connect to what he actually is. He chuckled at that thought, hasn't that always been the case?
"you're troubled, my beloved" Satella shook her head in discomfort as she knelt down before the sitting form of her beloved, Subaru frowned and looked away sheepishly.
"seems to be a constant since I came here" he gave a humourless chuckle saddening the half elf before him.
As Satella opened her mouth to apologies yet again for forcing him here Subaru placed a finger on her lips to silence her, when she pulled her gaze from the floor to his face she saw a slight smile accompanied by a small shake of the head.
"we've gone over this, Satella" she gave a week nod and released a sigh as Subaru removed his finger.
"it doesn't make me feel any better about it, unlike with return by death, envy had no part in you being dragged from your world" she reminded him solemnly, his only response was the brightest genuine smile she had seen on his face for quite some time.
"well I guess that just means that I have you to thank for this second chance," Subaru gave her a cheeky grin as he looked around the void, the first few times he came here he was petrified, now he found comfort in the shadows "I have you to thank for everything, Satella-Tan" he mumbled, had they not been in the void she may not have heard him, in fact most people wouldn't have, but she wasn't most people, she listened intently to even the faintest breath Subaru drew.
She looked down once more to hide her red face from her beloved, being unable to see the otherworldly man that captured her heart all she could do is listen as he released a sigh, she smiled slightly knowing what was coming next.
Subaru put his hands on the hood that covered the half elf and briefly looked over her figure before slowly dragging it off her with all the care she expected of her beloved.
What followed was something that in the many months that he has followed this routine he hadn't seen before, tears trickled down the girls face the second he made eye contact, normally she'd be elated that he wanted to see her.
"Tella?" he asked incredulously as he reached out to wipe her tears, when his hand touched her cold face she flinched back and rapidly wiped her tears away before flashing him a smile and playing it off.
"sorry, i-its nothing" Subaru looked thoroughly unimpressed.
"you should know not to fake smiles around me by now." He whispered, she hated to admit it but he was right, he rarely smiled a fully genuine smile, they were always marred by the memories of the previous loops.
The void was silent for what felt like the first time in months. For months these two would spend Subaru's sleeping hours talking about this and that, he wasn't sure when but eventually it became his favourite part of the night, not that he'd admit it to anyone, including himself.
Stubborn as he was, Satella loved him all the same.
She could tell his opinion of her was gradually improving, and despite his own reluctance to admit his genuine fondness for her that was clear as day, it still made her happy nonetheless.
This happiness was always dragged down by her own thoughts and mind, so while Subaru's small and big acts of what she would consider affection were greatly appreciated and made her happier than he could ever imagine, it was also food for her own self-deprecating thoughts.
As that cycle continued it became increasingly easy for Subaru to notice her looks of sadness and subtle hints toward her true feelings.
"I guess you're right" she whispered as she gripped her hood and tried to cover her face once more, only to be stopped by her dear beloved, she looked down in shame.
"what's wrong?" Subaru's voice was, as usual, laced in concern, concern for her, concern for the sole reason for all of his pain and suffering, this was one of the many reasons she loved him, and in some instances one of her least favourite things about him.
His ability to forgive, his sympathy, his empathy.
The reason he can forgive her.
And the reason he could forgive Rem.
She sighed and looked at her hand, softly resting in her lap, and stuck two fingers out.
The first and second spot in your heart are already taken, huh? What does that mean for me?
Subaru followed her gaze to her hand and noticing the two fingers he had already figured out what the meaning behind them were.
He opened his mouth and closed it before steeling his resolve and looking forward with a determined glare before being shut up by the faintest of voices.
"its because I look like her, isn't it?" and yet again her soft voice sent shivers down his spine and made his eyes lose concentration.
All that could escape him was a baffled "huh" as he retracted his body from her.
He would have this reaction quite often at the beginning when he was still scared of envy, but as time went on it became more and more apparent that envy was content with the current situation, his theory was that she was happy to be talking to him so much and for so long, in her own mind it was almost as if they were an old married couple recounting the memories of their youth.
As much as Subaru would deny it, as much as he should deny it, and as much as he hid it, it was painfully obvious he was growing extremely fond of the witch, no not the witch, but rather Satella, ever since the events in sanctuary his thoughts on the girl before him had improved drastically.
Satella was probably the person he was closest to in this world, she was also the person he trusted most, which was why what she said had struck Subaru in an uncomfortable way.
"its because I look like Emilia" Satella clarified as she looked up at her beloved with tears threatening to fall again, Subaru visibly flinched at her piercing gaze "its ironic really, she gets hate and ridicule because she looks like me, but I get care and affection because I look like her" she let out a humourless chuckle and subconsciously leaned forward into Subaru who had no problem with comforting her as her small frame shook lightly in his arms.
He smiled finding humour in the fact that him: the weakest knight in the entire kingdom most likely, was comforting the most powerful being to ever have lived as she wept into his arms in a garden of shadows.
He stroked her hair gently and pressed her further into him, she offered little resistance and nuzzled into his left shoulder.
They sat in silence for some time as Subaru continued stroking her hair, he loved her hair, it was soft and seemed to part perfectly between his fingers as he weaved them throughout her long locks.
Satella had calmed down long ago and was now greedily being fed affection she had longed for, for over 400 years, affection she had envied when it was given to others, affection she wished would be directed at her more often, but not only her, perhaps at a family.
Oh how she dreamt of that for centuries, how wonderful would a family with him be? Two little quarter elves running around as she leaned on the arm of her beloved husband…
Her thoughts drifted off and she had come to wonder if he had ever thought about it, even if only for a second.
How truly lustful.
How greedy.
"I love you" Subaru's cheeks flushed hearing that as he looked away from her with a meek nod.
"i-I know that, you tell me every day" he squeaked out, she let a small giggle escape her lips as she buried her face into the side of his neck, she did it to get a reaction out of him as she always does.
Unlike most times where he pushers her away frantically and with flustered written all over his features, he let her do what she wanted for once, she was truly grateful.
"you know, its hard to look at you and think of Emilia when you're so different!" she paused for a second and looked up into his eyes, he quickly looked away "when I look at you. I see Satella, and when I look at Emilia I see, well, Emilia" she gave a brief snort before returning to his neck, it was so comfortable there.
Of course that's his response, that's just who Natsuki Subaru is.
She loved him so much it was beginning to hurt.
She rested a hand on his chest, right where his heart rests, beating a wonderful tune all for her hand to memorise, he used to not let her near his heart due to the trauma the witch had caused, but now she could feel the rapid beats as he began to get flustered.
He wasn't sure why he felt how he felt, or when it started, all he knew is that it likely wasn't healthy for either of them.
He tried to pull away slowly only to topple over and take the half elf with him.
I thought we were past clichés!
Satella once again found herself giggling as her beloved's heart rate skyrocketed.
"this is just like having your beloved Emilia-Tan on top of you, isn't it?" she said playfully but with a bitter undertone that didn't escape Subaru.
"I already told you; you two are completely different!" she propped herself up on his chest and looked into his eyes to find that his eyes seemed softer than they ever had before.
And then it seemed to click.
What she is going through now with Emilia, he went through with his father.
Her own eyes softened as she gazed down at him with a sad smile.
What followed was perhaps the strangest occurrence the universe had seen in over 400 years.
The most powerful being to exist, a being so strong it took the great sage, the sword saint and the holy dragon just to seal her, after she had destroyed half the world, leaned down and submitted herself to the weakest knight potentially to ever exist.
The half elf girl closed her eyes slowly as she descended towards the knight of another girl, he followed her example and closed his eyes as he leaned up before meeting her in the middle.
That on its own wouldn't be all too strange, what was truly strange however was the feelings that surfaced in the heat of the moment.
The tenderness of it released something inside of Subaru.
He was greedy in that he wanted more, he was the first to deepen the kiss.
He was lustful in that he hoped one day this would be considered child's play.
He was eating up her love and care like a glutton.
He took pride in being able to say he had kissed her.
For just a split second Subaru considered these feelings, these were considered sinful feelings and yet it was the happiest he had felt for some time now.
She was considered pure evil with no redeeming qualities and yet this is what she could do to and for him.
All too soon their lips parted.
The kiss wasn't made with haste, it wasn't a heat of the moment fling that they could pass off as being what felt right at the time.
No, it was filled with love and passion, things he would never admit to feeling for her, and yet, his body did what his mind could not.
She was elated that he didn't turn away and push her off in disgust, but then he did something that very nearly made her lose control, he deepened the kiss and held her close, so close, so wonderfully near to her beloved, not because she snuck closer to him while he wasn't paying attention, no, because he wanted to have her close to him.
The knowledge of that alone made her happy beyond compare.
She quickly scurried off his chest and hid within her robes so he couldn't see her and she couldn't see him.
The strongest being in the world was rendered a blushing mess by the weakest knight.
They remained like this for some time, Satella played with a few thoughts in her mind before she heard Subaru stand up, knowing what this meant she took a peak at him to see his red faced smile as he began to turn transparent indicating he didn't have long left, no matter, he would be back tonight anyway, he would always return to her shadow garden.
No words were shared as neither trusted their voice in this moment.
Slowly Subaru's lower half began disappearing as his face took on a contemplative look.
And then, just before he disappeared completely, he conveyed what he had wanted to earlier when Satella doubted their relationship.
Satella shifted her gaze to his hand to see three fingers being held, and before she knew it, he was gone.
So she sat waiting for her beloved to come back to her.
Staring down at her three fingers before closing two leaving just one.
"one day, my beloved"
Satella doesn't get enough love.