Chapter 67
(Phoebe's POV)
"This is fucking ridiculous," Nathan slams the paper down making me jump.
"I know," Teddy says and Kevin, Teddy's law firm partner, rubs his hands over his face.
James Moore says he'll drop the charges against me if I admit I shoved him and his charge for assault gets dropped. I didn't shove him he has just fucking lost it. We are going to court today for the lawsuit. He gave us this one last opportunity to drop the charges. He is sick in the head if he thinks I would drop these charges.
"He doesn't have a chance right?" I look at Teddy and Kevin.
"I would like to say no, but he has hired one of the best criminal defense attorney's money can buy. You just need to be ready for anything when you go on the stand," Kevin says. I nod and look at Nathan.
Sawyer wakes up from her nap in her stroller and starts to cry. "She is hungry," I say and Nathan nods. He stands and passes me a nursing cover. I sling it over my chest and wait for Nathan to hand me her.
"Hi baby," I say as he passes her to me. I slip her under the cover and make sure she latches properly. She begins eating and puts her hand on my chest.
"We have to get to the courthouse soon," Teddy says and I sigh.
"I can't believe this is real and able to go to court. He is a lunatic," I say and Nathan rubs my back.
"I know, but it will be over after today," he says and I nod.
After Sawyer finishes eating, I burp her and hold her to my chest. I stand up and follow the lawyers and Nathan out. Nathan has the stroller. Henry is with my parents again. I feel bad, he has noticed something is wrong and he has been acting out because of it.
"Here I will put her in the car seat," Nathan says and I pass her to him. He buckles her in triple checking her belt before coming up to the driver's seat.
I buckle myself in and sigh. We drive to the courthouse in silence. The only noise is Sawyer's mobile that plays nursery rhymes while we drive. Nathan takes my hand and squeezes it.
When we get to the courthouse paparazzi are there. They have not left us alone. It is crazy how they care so much about something so stupid. We pull into the back where no paps are and park. Teddy pulls up next to us. I get out and walk around the car to get Sawyer.
"Let me," Teddy says and stands up lifting his niece out of the car. He holds her as Nathan sets up the stroller again. They are treating me like I am unable to do anything. I know it is because they care so I stay quiet.
"Hi Peanut," Teddy says and kisses her head. She is still so tiny. Gaining ounces every week but against him she is still so small.
"Is that your uncle," I smile and adjust the bow on Sawyer's head. He kisses her and puts her in the stroller buckling her in. She looks adorable in her yellow jumper with her yellow bow.
We walk inside the courthouse and have to go through security. Once we are through we head into the private room. I roll Sawyer's stroller back and forth trying to get her to sleep. She has been able to stay awake longer which is sweet. Our 3 week old girl.
"Okay Phoebe, do you have any questions?" Kevin asks and I shake my head no sighing.
"We are ready, Sawyer is going to stay with Nathan in here," Teddy says and I nod. Nathan is not happy about this arrangement, but the baby can't come into the courtroom.
We walk into the courtroom and it is freezing. I put on my sweater and sit down. The court room is filled with the judge and finally a rough looking James Moore. I look away as he sits down. I can feel his stare on the back of my head. He is a scumbag.
I am called to the stand and am sworn in. Teddy asks me questions first. His round of questions are easy and we practiced them many times.
"Thank you Mrs. Moore," Ted says and sits back down.
James' lawyer stands up and buttons his suit jacket. "Mrs. Moore, is it true that you opened the door to your home for James Moore," he asks.
"Yes, but I did not know who it was when I opened it," I say.
"So you willingly let James into your house?" The lawyer asks and I look at him confused.
"No, I told him to leave multiple times," I say.
"Do you have proof of that?" He asks.
"Objection," I hear Teddy's voice cut in. The lawyer holds up his hand.
"Mr. Moore had scratches on himself when the police arrested him, did you touch Mr. Moore," the lawyer asks.
"No, he threatened me," I say. I am three weeks postpartum and my hormones are everywhere. I don't know if I am going to cry or burst out yelling.
"Mrs. Moore is it true that Mr. Moore confided in you about Luke Sawyer's death?" he asks.
"Yes, he said he had Luke Sawyer killed," I say and he nods.
"That is not what you said in your report, you said that Mr. Moore stated that Luke Sawyer was alive before he died," he says and I nod.
"He did say that and that means he has something to do with his death," I say defensively.
"But that is not what you just said, you said that James said that he had Luke Sawyer killed," the lawyer says.
"How are we supposed to believe your version of what happened if you can't even retell it yourself," he says.
"Objection," Teddy says again and the lawyer nods.
"Did Mr. Moore touch you," he asks.
"Yes, he shoved me to the ground while I was holding my two day old daughter," I say and the jury starts shaking their heads.
"What did you say before he shoved you?" The lawyer asks.
"He said that Nathan, who is my husband and his son, took everything from him and he is going to return the favor," I say.
"But you didn't touch him or rush towards him," he asks.
"No he had a gun," I say.
"How can we be so sure through your exhaustion with a newborn and just giving birth that Mr. Moore isn't telling the truth, he wanted to see his grandchild and Phoebe would not let him," I hold back the angry laugh that threatens to come out.
Mr. Moore goes up to the stand next. I watch as he sits down and looks right at me. He gives me a smile that sends chills up my spin. I hate this man with all of my heart.
He retells his story that I threatened to kill him and charged at him and he had to shove me back. The only reason he had a gun with him is because Nathan has threatned him before.
Teddy asks him questions and does a brilliant job. His lawyer yells objection after every comment out of Teddy's mouth.
After questioning the jury goes into reviewing the case. James' winks at me and gives me a devious smile while shaking his head. I am about to explode as I walk into the room. Nathan is feeding Sawyer a bottle. He looks up at us and stands.
"How did it go?" He asks and I shake my head sitting down.
"His lawyer is a piece of shit," Kevin says and I nod. Nathan leans in kissing my shoulder as he feeds Sawyer.
"You okay?" Nathan says in my ear quiet enough so that it is a private conversation as we sit there. I nod my head and stay quiet. I am trying to remember to breathe. Sawyer finishes eating and Nathan speaks up.
"Uncle Teddy, will you burp her?" Nathan asks and Teddy comes over faster than I can blink.
"Of course," he says and starts burping Sawyer walking her back to where he and Kevin where talking.
"Hey," Nathan says and turns us so we're facing each other.
"Talk to me," Nathan says and I look at him. He places his hand on my cheek, rubbing it soothingly.
"I hate him," I say and Nathan nods.
"Me too, baby," Nathan says and pulls me into his chest.
"You are doing so well, just a little bit longer," he says and I nod.
"I just want to go home and be a normal family with Claire and Henry," I say and I rest my head in Nathan's chest.
"I know, Bee," he says, rubbing my head.
We head back into the court room after a long wait. We sit down and wait for the judge. "All rise," he says and Teddy squeezes my hand.
"On the count of assault, we find Phoebe Grey Moore… not guilty," he says.
"On the count of criminal threatening with intent to harm, we find Phoebe Grey Moore…. Not guilty," he says.
"Mr. Moore, your request for bail has been denied as well as your request for a shortened sentence," the judge says and bangs his gavel. I turn into Teddy's chest and hug him.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH, HE CHEATS ON YOU, WHEN I GET OUT I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU EVEN THE BABY I HAVE PEOPLE ON YOU, YOU FUCKING," I gasp as James starts screaming. Teddy shoves me behind him so he is blocking me. I don't miss the look of anger on James' face. The police tackle him and we are escorted out.
"Bubs," Teddy says and I shake my head.
"I want to go now," I say and Teddy nods. He escorts me out to the car. Sawyer and Nathan are already there. Nathan gets out and wraps me in his arms. Kevin has already filled him in.
"I want to go home," I repeat. I am terrified.
Nathan cups my cheeks and looks at me. "Breath baby," he says and I move around him getting in the car.
"Bee," he says.
"Just go, Nate, please just go," I say and he nods. He pulls out and we drive off.
"I am so sorry, Bee. He won't get anywhere near us," he says and I shake my head.
Nathan rubs my hand soothingly as he drives. We get home and I go and get Sawyer. I take her out of her carseat and hold her to me. Tears spill down my face as I walk inside. I sit on the couch holding her to me.
Nathan comes in and quickly sits next to me wrapping his arms around me. "Shhh baby," he holds me tightly.
"How are we supposed to keep them safe," I say, my voice cracking.
"We are upping security baby and already got cameras. He won't get anywhere near us," he says and I nod.
"I am so tired of this," I say and he kisses me softly.
"Here," he takes Sawyer from my arms, she is asleep and he lays her in her doc a tot.
"Bee, I know things are so hard right now," he says and I close my eyes. "I know that you just had a baby and it feels like it is one hit after the other. I am sorry, I am so sorry," he says. He puts me in his chest and hugs me tightly. I allow myself to cry.
"Shhhhh," Nathan holds me tightly. His hand rubs up and down my back.
"Hey guys, what's- Phoebe? What's wrong?" Claire's voice fills the room. I shoot off Nathan and clean my face up.
"Hi, sweetheart, how are you?" I ask her. She kisses Sawyer's head then sits down on the couch.
"What's wrong?" Claire asks nervously. I sigh and look at Nathan. We won't be able to shrug this one off.
"We went to court today. It was a very emotional day," Nathan speaks for me and I am thankful for that.
"Did he get out?" Claire asks nervously.
"No, he didn't, everything is okay. It was just a long day," I say and Claire nods.
"I will go to my room," she says and stands up. Nathan squeezes her hand as she walks by.
"Claire, don't forget you have a therapy appointment in an hour, we have to leave soon," I say looking at the time.
"Oh, yeah. Um, am I going by myself?" She asks nervously.
"No sweetheart, I am going with you," I say and she nods going upstairs.
"I have to go get ready," I say and stand up. Sawyer wakes up right as I do that ready to eat. I pick her up and rock her side to side.
"Here babe, I can bottle feed her," he says and I shake my head. My chest hurts and I'd rather feed her than pump. I take her into our room with Nathan on my trail. I sit in the cozy glider we got and slip Sawyer under my shirt. She begins to eat slowly.
Nathan leans against the wall with his arms crossed watching me. I keep my eyes downcast on Sawyer. She is so tiny. She is growing though.
"Babe," Nathan says and I look up at him.
"Do you want me to take Claire?" He asks. I shake my head no.
"I got it, I promised her I would," I say. Sawyer unlatches and I take the opportunity to switch her to the other boob.
"Is she eating?" He asks and I nod. He comes over and I move my shirt over so he can see her eating. He kisses my head.
"I'm so sorry," he says and I look up at him. I can see the hurt in his eyes.
"None of this is your fault, babe," I say and reach up cupping his face.
"I just hate seeing you upset," he says.
"And I hate seeing you blame yourself," I say and he kisses my head. Sawyer unlatched and I bring her up to my chest burping her. Nathan reaches for her and I pass her off so he can burp her for me.
"Let's focus on the kids for the rest of today. I don't want to think about it anymore. When Claire finishes her appointment why don't we pick up dinner for everyone," I suggest. "That way neither of us has to cook or clean," I say.
"I love your thinking, what time are you parents dropping Hen off?" Nathan asks.
"Within the hour, will you update them both when they get here? Tell my dad I am okay and not to freak out," I say and Nathan nods.
"Telling him not to freak out ensures he will be here when you get back," he says and I laugh because it is true. I stand up and stretch before going and changing in my closet. I put on a sundress and put my long hair into a bun. I sigh as I look into the mirror.
"You look beautiful," Nathan says and I smile at my forever flatterer.
"I need a haircut," I say as I redo the bun again.
"You've been saying that since Junior year of high school," Nathan says and that makes me laugh. I guess I have been.
"Someday it'll happen," I say and go over to give him a kiss. He has Sawyer cradled to him.
We walk out into the kitchen and I eat a quick snack. Claire comes down in jean shorts and a shirt. "You ready?" I ask her.
"As I'll ever be," she says and I smile. She gives Nathan a hug and kisses Sawyer's head.
"Will you be good here?" I ask him. I have a bunch of milk pumped and ready to use.
"We will be just fine. Call me if you need anything, okay?" He asks and I nod, giving him a kiss goodbye.
I drive Claire to her appointment. I can feel the nerves floating off of her. "There is nothing to be nervous about Claire. You guide the appointments. If you aren't ready to talk about something today Anne will respect that," I say. I am taking her to my colleague who I know is amazing. She will be great for Claire.
"Really?" Claire asks and I nod.
"The point of therapy is not for her to pry things out of you. You will go at your pace," I say and I can see Claire relax slightly.
When we get to her office we walk inside. We go up to the front desk and Claire checks herself in. We sit and I open my phone. My screensaver is a picture of Claire holding Sawyer and Henry in her lap. "I love that picture," she says and I smile.
"Me too," I say and look at it. I have three kids and that will never not be a weird thing for me to say.
"Claire," Anne says and I smile waving at her. Claire stands up and I squeeze her hand in a comforting motion. They walk back into the office and I stay in the lobby. I take the time to gather my thoughts.
This is my first time leaving the house without Sawyer. It is weird and quiet. I have gotten so used to the hungry cries and the pitter patter of toddler feet.
After 40 minutes I remembered I brought a book. I pull it out and begin to read it. It is about toddlerhood and parenting. A much needed read as Henry is in full blown toddler mode. My phone starts to ring and I sigh. That was short lived. I look down and see it is Ava. I step outside.
"Hi cousin," she says and I smile at the sound of her voice.
"Hi cousin," I say back to her.
"Guess what?" she asks.
"Are you pregnant?" I ask her and she laughs.
"Fuck no, I heard Sawyer scream and that put me off another year. But I just got promoted to senior designer," she says and I gasp.
"Ava, congratulations. You are the perfect person for the job. I am so proud of you, when are we celebrating?" I ask her.
"Well, that was the purpose of the call. Do you think Nathan can hold down the fort while we sneak off for a few drinks tomorrow night?" She asks. I think about that. If Nathan was here he would be telling me to go. I would have to pump and dump since I am still breastfeeding, but it would be so good for my soul.
"If it is after 8 then count me in, I just can't be gone for too long," I say and she claps.
"Yay, oh my goodness. Okay 8:15, Andrew can take us," she says and I laugh. I am sure Andrew doesn't know it yet.
I hang up with Ava and head inside as Claire is walking out. She looks upset. Not the face I was hoping for. "You did great Claire, I will see you next week. Bye Phoebe," Anne says and calls in her next patient.
"How was it?" I ask Claire.
"Fine," she says.
"Do you think Anne is a good fit? Did you like her?" I ask.
"I don't know," she says and I take that as my cue to shut up and let her be.
The car ride home is silent except for the quiet music playing. Claire is staring out the window. I would love to know what is wrong, but I don't want to push her. I know she needs her space right now. I am sure they talked about her being raped and I know that can be very triggerng for her.
"Is it okay if we pick up dinner or do you want me to drop you off first?" I ask her.
"I'll just come," she says and I nod. I drive to the sub shop we love and pick up our order. When I get back in the car Claire's eyes are brimmed with tears.
"Are you okay, sweets?" I ask her. She nods and looks away from me.
"I am here to talk if you want to, I know the first session can be very hard," I say and she nods.
I drive us home in silence. When we get home we head straight inside. I hear Henry talking loudly to Nathan about something. It makes me smile. Claire goes straight upstairs.
"Do you want dinner, I got you your favorite," I tell her. Claire is obsessed with meatball subs.
"I'll eat later, I am going to lay down," she says and her voice cracks. I am starting to feel guilty for making her go to therapy. I just want her to be able to work through the things she has gone through.
I walk into the kitchen and see Nathan and Henry coloring at the counter. I lean down and hug Henry from behind. "Mama," he says and I kiss his cheek.
"Hi baby, did you have a good day with Nana and Bubs?" I ask him.
"Yep, we wents swimming," he says and I smile. Henry is a little fish. He would swim everyday if he could.
"Oh my goodness, lucky boy. I brought you a sandwich and the special chips," I say and Henry gets the biggest smile on his face. The special chips are just barbecue chips but he is obsessed.
"Can I see?" he asks.
"Please," Nathan reminds him.
"Peas," he says and I smile. I pull out his dinner and place it in front of him. I give Nathan his dinner and pull out mine.
"Does Sawyer need to be fed, where is she?" I ask.
"She just ate a 4 oz bottle, I burped her and rocked her. She is out like a light. I put her in pajamas. She should be good for an hour or two," he says and I thank him.
"How did it go?" He asks and I sigh.
"She came out really upset, the first appointment is always hard, I am sure they talked about what happened last summer and her brother," I say quietly. He nods.
"Where is she?" He asks.
"She went straight to her room. She said she'll eat later," I say and Nathan doesn't look pleased about that.
"For the fourth of July, what time are people coming here?" I ask Nathan trying to distract him.
"We said two, but I am sure we will get people at all times coming in," he says and I nod. We always host the fourth of July on our rooftop patio. It is huge and we rent it out. There is a pool and a bar and a bunch of tables and grills.
"Awesome, Henry, are you excited?" I ask him. This is his first fourth of July with us.
"Yep, I eat pops," he says and I nod. He is obsessed with the red, white, and blue popscicles.
"You will eat pops," I say. He is doing a great job eating his dinner.
Once we finish dinner, we take Henry into the playroom. Everynight we try to give Henry our undivided attention before bedtime. Right now he has his cape and policeman hat on.
"Super Henry," I say and tickle him. He rolls around the floor laughing. We play with his legos. NAthan and I build him a tower and he knocks it over.
"I sleepy," Henry says after 30 minutes of playing. Most toddlers I know fight bedtime. Henry will tell us when he is tired and say he is ready to go to bed.
"Are you ready for bathtime?" I ask him.
"Yep," he says and I smile.
"I'll do bathtime with him, if you wanna go feed Sawyer," he says and I nod. Sawyer has been cluster feeding before she goes down these past couple of days. We called the pediatrician and they said that was normal.
"Yes," I say. "Henry, come give momma hugs and kisses," I say. Henry runs over to me and throws his arms around me tightly.
"I love you my sweet boy," I say and he kisses me.
"Lub you," he says and starts to go upstairs.
"Say night night to sissy," he says and I smile. Henry is the best big brother.
"Stay here, I will go get her," I say. I go into our room and pick her up from the bassinet. She stays asleep in my arms and I take her out. I lean down and Henry kisses her head.
"Nigh nigh sissy sweep tight," he says and then runs off like he didn't just melt our hearts into two.
Nathan takens Henry and I cuddle Sawyer until she wakes up. I slip her under my shirt and open my nursing bra. She starts to eat and after 10 minutes I switch breasts. Once she is done I burp her which leads to her spitting up all over my dress.
I wipe her and myself off before reswaddling her. Because she was early we have to wake her every three to four hours to eat. She usually wakes herself up, but if she doesn't we wake her.
I rock her side to side. She really is perfect. I sing to her for a bit and take her in the living room. I sit and turn on HGTV, my newest weakness. I pat her butt as I watch.
When Nathan comes back downstairs he sits next to me. I lean over and give him a kiss. Did she eat?" he asks and I nod.
"She ate for 10 minutes on each boob," I say and he nods.
"Hungry girl," he says and I nod looking down at her.
"Has Claire come down at all?" He asks. I shake my head no and pause the show.
"I was trying to give her some space. She was not up for talking on the way home," I say and he nods.
"I might try to go up and see if she wants any food or to talk. Do you think that is okay?" Nathan asks. She did not want to talk to me, but her and Nathan have always had a special bond.
"I do, if you sense she doesn't want to talk let her be," I say and he nods. He kisses me again and walks upstairs.
(Nathan's POV)
"Claire?" I tap lightly on her door.
"Yeah?" She responds quietly.
"Can I come in?" I ask her.
"Why?" That is when I know something is up.
"I just want to talk to you for a second," I say and I hear shuffling around until she appears at the door.
"Okay, come in," she says and holds open the door for me. She looks so upset. I walk in and sit on the chair near her bed. We kept her room the way she had it while she was here.
"We missed you at dinner, are you feeling okay?" I say and she doesn't look at me.
"I am okay, I had a big lunch," she says and I nod even though I know she is lying.
"How was your appointment?" I ask her.
"Fine, I am really tired, so I am going to head to bed," there is something she isn't telling us. I don't want to push her.
"Okay, can I give you a hug?" I ask her. I always try to respect her boundaries and ask. She nods and I stand up, wrapping my arms around her.
I hold her tightly to me and rub her back. Suddenly, I hear a broken sob and she starts crying. I try to pull back, but she doesn't let go of me.
"Shhhh I have you," I say and rub her back. She keeps her firm grasp on me so I just hold her.