Image Credit: harrysapples
Chapter 1: Something Pink
Tonks knew that if she kept fiddling with her flowers they would get squashed, but her restless fingers wouldn't leave them alone. A woven chain of indigo lupins encircled her head like a crown, the proud stems with their globe-shaped flowers resting on her hair - a crinkled pink bob that fell to her chin. She blinked at herself in the mirror and filled her cheeks with air before letting out an impatient huff.
"Get a wriggle on, we'll be celebrating our anniversary at this rate!" She said, poking at the patterned cloak that divided the small room in two.
"Patience," came Remus' quiet reply from where he stood concealed behind it.
"If it's a moustache you're growing behind there, I'm calling the whole thing off."
A faint chuckle, "Wait and see."
The room was too cramped to pace, Tonks could only tap the heel of one heavy black boot against the other; each thud an exhortation for the second hand on the clock to tick faster.
"You're up to something. I know you are."
"Perhaps."
The wait was infuriating and delicious all at once: it made her thirsty, made her heart flutter, made her want to bounce until her head hit the ceiling. Rejected dresses littered the floor at her feet and Tonks tugged at the one she had chosen - a checked mini-dress, no virginal white lace for her.
"I still haven't made up my mind," she called. "Tonks-Lupin or Lupin-Tonks."
"A Tonkslupin sounds rather like something that should be studied in Herbology Greenhouse Five."
Tonks snorted.
"Lupin-Tonks it is then. Catchy."
"But, Dora…" Remus' tone became uncertain, "we won't be changing our names officially, of course. We agreed that - "
"I know, I know," she said, poking the curtain again and finding what might have been his shoulder, "not until the war's over."
She almost added 'don't worry', but stopped herself: asking Remus Lupin not to worry was like asking the moon to drop out of the sky. After her proposal, as they'd scrambled down from the mountains above Hogsmeade freshly engaged, the beauty of the night spreading out before them, every breathless kiss, every euphoric tear, every giddy burst of laughter had convinced Tonks that Remus' troubles over their relationship were at an end. This belief lasted all the way up until breakfast the next morning.
"Dora," he'd said, letting his knife slip from his hand, his toast untouched, "if the Ministry were to find out that you'd married a werewolf in secret, you could lose everything you've worked so hard to achieve. Not to mention the fact that the Order would lose a valuable - "
"The Ministry won't find out. Simple as. Besides, it's not technically illegal to marry a werewolf."
"Not yet."
Tonks had stroked her slippered foot against his pyjama-clad leg under the table and clasped his hand between both of hers.
"We'll be careful," she told him, "we'll keep it all quiet. We'll build our own little world, just the two of us, and the Ministry won't get a look in."
She leant across the table to kiss him, not caring when the fluff of her dressing gown became sticky with marmalade. His brow unwrinkled, but not for long.
"Dora," said Remus, placing his quill down mid-sentence through a report for the Order later that afternoon, "I know you've said that you never want to have children, but…you're very young to make such a decision. In time, you may change your mind and…even if it were possible for me to sire a child - to tell you the truth, I have my doubts - even considering it would be out of the question - "
Tonks picked up Remus' quill and dotted his nose with it.
"Why do people find it so weird when a woman says she doesn't want kids? You think I want a wailing little prune or a snotty child or a bratty teenager to look after? That's not me."
"How can you be so certain?"
Tonks pushed the table back with a screech and plopped herself down on his lap.
"When have I ever given you any reason to doubt my convictions?"
"You never have," he whispered back, his arms wrapping around her.
Tonks pressed her lips to a handsome streak of grey hair on his forehead, wishing that a kiss had the power to kill particular thoughts dead.
"The financial burden," Remus said abruptly, jolting Tonks from the sleep she'd drifted into on his shoulder that evening. "You adore London, but even if I could afford to pay a share of the rent - which I cannot - the only way to ensure secrecy would be to own our own property which is of course unthinkable. Gringotts doesn't lend money to werewolves, especially those with empty vaults."
"Oh," Tonks replied, with a jaw-cracking yawn, "yeah, you know I forgot about my life-long dream to live in a penthouse overlooking the King's Road and hire Puddlemere United as my personal servants - "
"You're being deliberately - "
"And have them sponge bath me in a tub of melted galleons - "
He couldn't resist laughing eventually, his grey eyes brightening with every stupid joke. But, lying in bed -
"If the Ministry were to find out - "
This time Tonks resorted to covering his mouth with her hand. He tried to pull it away and they jostled in the sheets, their legs becoming entangled. Tonks' fingers reached under his shirt to tickle him and Remus rolled her beneath him, kissing her neck and then there was the inevitable, sensational, tearing away of clothes. And somehow Tonks ended up on top of him again and Remus' hands were on her hips, sliding to the backs of her thighs, pulling her closer until his mouth found her and Tonks' eyes rolled back, her hands gripping the beams of the low pitched ceiling. The bed was a mess by the end: their roving, feverish bodies scattered the pillows, made the sheets rucked and damp beneath them.
"See," Tonks breathed, lying on her back, her legs looped around him and an orgasmic afterglow still tingling her toes, "you do want to be my husband."
He stroked her hair away from her face and the vulnerability in his smile made her heart ache.
"Yes, I do," he whispered.
Naked, cloistered together under the sheets, they drew up a plan: first, they would visit Remus' father and collect the engagement ring, then they would go on to North London to Tonks' parents before, finally, announcing their engagement to the Order at the next meeting. The wedding would take place at the end of the month, attended only by their nearest and dearest; before Bill and Fleur's, but after Harry's extraction from Privet Drive.
But the plan was short-lived. The next day found Tonks with four of her fellow Aurors flying through a summer storm in pursuit of Dolohov, who they'd tracked all the way to the cliffs of Dorset. They were closing in just above Dancing Ledge when a host of Death Eaters, cloaked in concealment charms undetectable via the Aurors' usual methods, ambushed them. A dog fight ensued and Tonks, locked in her own duel, could only watch as a killing curse struck Auror Duffie and his limp body cracked onto the rocks below. Outnumbered and outflanked, they were forced to abort the mission. Tonks and Finlay Savage, who was bleeding profusely from a small stump that had been his index finger, apparated Tamar - a Junior Auror who had been struck in the back - to St Mungo's. But Dolohov's curse spread too fast for any Healer to control. It froze the very organs inside him and it was Tonks who - hollow and fatigued from two crucios that had almost thrown her out of the sky - held the hand of Tamar's mother as she cried in guttural wails for her lost son. When Tonks finally returned, Remus was pacing - white-faced and stricken. She fell into his arms.
"What happened?" He demanded, holding her face in his hands. "Where have you been? I've been frantic, Dora. I thought…oh god, I thought - "
"Let's get married tomorrow," she interrupted him. "Let's not wait."
The attic was packed up, Tonks melted down her old Concealment and Disguise trophy to create two wedding rings and they apparated even further North to the only place willing to hold a clandestine wedding at short notice - the Scally Wizzbee.
"This is where we had our first date," Tonks had said when they arrived on the island, grinning teasingly at Remus as sea spray pelted her face.
"It was no such thing," he replied, the wind whipping his cheeks as pink as the sunset behind him. "But it was a rather lovely afternoon, as I recall."
So here they were: just the two of them, getting ready for their wedding in the Scally Wizzbee's smallest guest room, boxes piled atop their marriage bed and a sluggish clock counting down the seconds until they would be married.
Tonks couldn't take it any more. She tugged the curtain down and Remus whirled around, tucking something behind his back. He wore an old set of navy blue robes, all loose threads severed and sagging patches replaced, with a white shirt underneath. His hair was tidy and freshly cut. His eyebrows were raised in surprise, but his face gradually slackened, his eyes glazing dazedly as he looked at her.
"You look beautiful," he said and raised a hand to the flowers around her head, "aren't these….?"
"Lupins," she said, beaming up at him.
"They suit you."
She picked up a spare and fastened it to the front of his robes.
"You too."
Remus didn't speak for a few seconds, only brushed her cheek with his fingers.
"I'm searching for the best way to express myself, but every word feels inadequate. Dora…you look - "
"Oh, give over - I want to know what you've been hiding!"
Tonks' eyes flicked to the thing he was attempting to conceal behind his back. It was white. Remus hesitated.
"You don't have to wear it," he said.
"Wear it? What is it?"
"It's - it's silly. Too traditional for you. I wanted to make you something as a wedding present and I'm afraid this is the best I could come up with."
He drew it out and placed it into her hands. It was a veil. Pure white, but crawling with intricate silver stitches that shone in the light. Tonks murmured his name as she traced the patterns; the fabric cool as water beneath her fingertips.
"They're stars," said Remus. "This one is Sirius, the Dog Star," he pointed to a twinkling silver dot, connected by glowing threads to seven others, before gently pulling the veil to show a bright cluster near the crown, "and this is the Andromeda galaxy. Everything on the left represents the Black side of your family and the right…" the fabric flowed, gossamer soft, across Tonks' palms as he moved it again, "these look like stars, but they're actually crossroads and alleyways - a kind of map. East London. For the Tonks side of your family."
"I can't believe you made this," said Tonks, her voice catching. "It's amazing. All my…all my family's here…"
She couldn't finish. She felt a pang. Her mother wasn't here to raise her eyebrows at the length of her dress. Her dad wasn't here to make a speech laden with jokes as stupid as her own. Remus' eyes darted across her face, noticing every tiny change as he always did.
"It's not too late," he said in a low voice. "Say the word and we can cancel, we can postpone…"
"No!" She reached up and touched his face. "No. This is about us, no one else. I want to marry you tonight and not a second later. When the war's over, we'll have a cracking party and everyone will be invited but…until then…it's just you and me. We've got to grab this chance. Alright, now - how do I put this on?"
"Please don't feel like you have to. It can just be a gift. It doesn't match your dress."
"I can fix that."
She turned to the mirror and waved her wand. The checks disappeared and were replaced with the same clean, luminous white as the veil.
"Will you put it on for me? It'll go wonky if I try."
Remus nodded. Carefully, he lifted off her crown of flowers and positioned the veil over the neon waves of her hair, before restoring the blue lupins again and tucking the veil gently amongst them to hold it in place. Tonks swallowed. She hadn't expected to see herself like this: a bride, all in white. Remus' hands rested on her arms and she met his eyes in the mirror. They were sparkling.
"Don't get weepy on me, Moony," she said, though her own throat was tight.
He turned her round to face him. Tonks closed her eyes, feeling the moment spinning around her: the terrible year of their separation was over, they were on the cusp of becoming what they were supposed to be. Remus kissed her and she sighed against his lips, memories of war and pain and rejection fading from her brain as she pulled him close: her hands sliding over the body that she loved, yearning massing inside her like thunderclouds, her lips finding his jawbone, neck, collar…
"Not yet…" Remus' voice was breathy, "after the ceremony…"
But his words belied the way he lifted her chin and kissed her with an ardency that made her lips tingle and desire sear through her.
"Screw tradition…"
Her hands roved through the folds of his robes, finding the place where his shirt so neatly tucked into his trousers. Remus drew in a sharp intake of breath as her fingertips brushed the skin of his stomach.
"We can't be late to our own wedding," he said, catching her roaming hands with laughter in his eyes.
Tonks stepped back from him with a wink, smoothing down her dress as he re-adjusted his clothes. Then there was the clang of a bell and she froze, looking up at Remus with wide eyes.
"It's time."
The pub, normally carved up into warren-like private rooms, had become one large space. Half a dozen guests - seemingly the Scally Wizzbee's most ancient and well-soused regulars - turned to stare curiously at Remus and Tonks. Rickety wood-wormed chairs lined a makeshift aisle and the only decorations were candles, hundreds of them, dripping globules of yellow wax as they bobbed in the muggy air. The room smelt of old seashells, ale, smoke and whatever it was that made the floor so very sticky. Tonks heard the cry of a fiddle, the patter of a small drum and the high, clear pipe of a flute and looked round to see three musicians in a corner. It took her a second to realize what it was they were playing, but when she did she looked at Remus in delight: How The Light Gets In by the Weird Sisters, her favourite song. His shy smile, warm with pride, confirmed her happy suspicion that he had arranged it somehow.
"It's all bloody perfect," she whispered to him, winding her arm through his.
They walked down the aisle together, Remus propping Tonks up when the toe of her boot struck an uneven flagstone on their way to where the Scally Wizzbee's barman stood, ensconced in an eye-wateringly bright cluster of candles, waiting for them. The music fell silent as they reached him.
I'm about to marry Remus Lupin. How the hell did I get here?
Tonks remembered them as they had once been. She remembered lying on Sirius' bedroom floor, her hands on her stomach as it rippled with laughter, seeing a figure pass by in the corridor, "Moony, come and join us!" Sirius had said. She remembered sitting cross-legged in the kitchen, watching her old-souled new friend through the rising steam of the cup of tea he'd just made her and wondering why her heart was beating so fast. She remembered the lights of Fred and George's indoor fireworks reflecting in his eyes on New Year's Eve as she inwardly plotted how to get him alone.
He looked younger now: awestruck and more than a little nervous as he stood before her on their wedding day. And Tonks knew, with all the certainty her bold heart contained, that this was the greatest gift she could ever give him: the incontrovertible proof of her love, the end to all his doubt, the severing of every knot of worry inside his brain.
"Love can take us like a hurricane," the barman announced in whisky-scratched tones, "it can lift us off our feet and into the sky, it can make us mad, make us lose our heads."
His words, combined with Tonks' exhilaration, produced in her a sudden, lung-constricting urge to laugh. She gripped Remus' hand all the tighter. His expression was grave.
"But love does not render us entirely helpless. We always have the power to choose. And these two individuals have chosen today, the sixth of July, to be joined for life. These two members of our magical community will now pledge lifelong faith, kindness, loyalty to each other and each other alone. Speak the name of your beloved."
"Remus John Lupin," said Tonks.
"Nymphadora Tonks," said Remus.
His eyes flickered faintly with amused challenge. Tonks wrinkled her nose at him, but nothing could knock her smile.
"Your vows are now to be repeated after me in unison."
Tonks had to forcibly slow the usually rapid tempo of her voice to keep time with Remus.
"Truthfulness, faithfulness and love until death.
We bind ourselves with wand and word,
to share all that we have,
to cherish and respect one another,
to love without cease through every joy and trial of our lives."
A mournful cry pierced the room and descended into a melody of surging beauty: the fiddle player had begun to play.
"Bring out the rings."
Remus took the two, only a little misshapen, gold bands out of his pocket. Tonks bit her lip as he took her left hand in his and slowly pushed the smaller ring into place on her fourth finger. Silently urging herself not to drop it, hardly able to tear her gaze away from his face, Tonks did the same for him. Poised on the brink, neither of them breathed until the words were spoken -
"I now pronounce you joined for life."
Golden light exploded from the barman's wand, irradiating their faces and circling their joined hands in a brilliant ring that cascaded to the floor like a waterfall. Remus blinked and his hands twitched ever so slightly, as if just he'd received a jolt of electricity. Tonks felt the tension in her body release and she let out a pure, pleasurable laugh.
"This is the kissing bit!" Called a gravelly voice from the back of the room.
Remus blushed. Tonks threaded her hands around his neck and drew him to her. Soft, slow and chaste, the kiss made Tonks feel light-headed.
"What do we do now?" She whispered over the sound of scattered applause.
Remus looked as dumbfounded as she felt and an immense wave of love broke over Tonks as she looked at him: her safety, her choice, her husband.
"We walk," he said. "One step at a time."
And so they did: back down the aisle, this time with rings on their fingers and, as if a kaleidoscope had exploded over their heads, charmed confetti fluttering down all around them.
"I almost forgot!" Tonks cried, flinging an arm across Remus to stop him short.
Pulling her wand out of her dress, she summoned her camera. It came hurtling down the stairs, straight into the hands of a toothless old witch with a mane of orange frizz, who began rapidly clicking the shutter. Tonks attempted to arrange her face into something normal but kept breaking into giggles. Remus was too busy smiling at Tonks to remember to look at the camera. Tonks gathered up the pictures and rescued the camera with a "cheers", as a bottle of something was pressed into Remus' hands. They kept walking, receiving congratulations and slaps on the back under ever-increasing showers of glittering confetti, which bounced at their feet and hung on their eyelashes, until Remus pushed open the front door of the pub and they emerged out into the wild sea air.
Tonks took in great gulps of the night, her veil billowing behind her, as they stumbled and clambered over the rocks away from the pub. They spoke over each other in half sentences, high on what they had just done, catching each other in clumsy kisses every few minutes. Eventually they reached a long strip of sand, a tidal beach a hundred metres behind the pub, and collapsed down beside each other - breathing hard, but not from the walk. The moon was behind them, the sea in front.
"Would you mind if I took off my shoes?" Remus asked her.
Tonks threw her head back as she laughed out her reply, "Why would I mind that?!"
Remus smiled, shaking his head at himself, and carefully removed his shoes and socks.
"It's been a very long time since I felt sand beneath my feet."
Tonks tugged at her laces, kicked each boot off at a wild angle and peeled off her holed Hufflepuff socks. She wiggled her bare toes in the cool sand.
"Feels new," she said. "Like the first time."
He turned his head to look at her.
"I love you."
She leant forward and kissed him on the cheekbone.
"And I love you. Husband."
"Husband," he repeated quietly, looking down at the new ring on his finger and giving it a slow twist. "I'm dreaming."
Tonks flicked the straps of her dress off her shoulders then, with some difficulty, pushed it down over her body until it slipped off her feet. Her veil stroked against the bare skin of her back and legs as she stood up.
"What…" Remus' mouth opened as she unclasped her bra and dropped it to the sand, "…are you doing?"
Tonks flicked her pants off a toe, chucking them at Remus who caught them automatically, his eyes perfectly round. But he didn't have long to stare because Tonks started running: naked but for her flowers and the veil streaming out behind her; one hand gripping her wand, the other supporting the wobble at her chest. Remus scrambled to his feet and followed, trying to catch her, but she pushed him away, laughing. Soon her feet were skipping over shallow water, then she was wading in icy waves up to her knees and she stretched out her arms to plunge in. The water pushed all air from her lungs and made her gasp, but she swam on; feeling the freedom of her body, smooth and graceful in the water. She floated onto her back, let a charm bubble her body in warmth and stared weightlessly up at the stars above. Remus stood on the sand watching her, the sea lapping at his ankles.
"I dare you!" She shouted, spitting out salt water. "Come on!"
She saw him shake his head. She saw him glance up the deserted beach towards the distant lights of the pub, and then…she saw him start to unbutton. Tonks splashed, victorious, towards him and dragged his skinny, goose-bumped body into the sea with her, dunking his head below the waves.
"Trying to murder me on our wedding night?" He spluttered, smoothing his sopping hair out of his eyes as their legs knocked together amongst the bubbles.
Tonks kissed him, opening his mouth with hers so their tongues came together; bringing him into her warming charm; locking her legs around his waist. Her fingers twisted in his hair and his hands stroked from her waist to the curves of her hips, pressing her tight against him. Her veil floated on the water all around them, its constellations shining beneath the stars, rippling as they moved.
Tonks had thought they'd plumbed every depth of lust, reached every height of desire already but she felt a new level of want now as Remus kissed down her neck, slick with salt water, and reached her hard nipples; sending swirls of sensation pinging all the way down to her toes. She tipped her head back, giving herself to the pleasure and strange ache of it. When the new, tender pain became too much she tugged him back by the hair. His eyes were dark and intense with desire as he looked back at her.
"I want to lay you down," he said.
By the time they staggered back onto the beach, their teeth were chattering and the wind thrashed their wet skin. Remus conjured huge towels that glowed with heat and wrapped them both up, rubbing Tonks dry. They huddled close and Remus straightened her drooping flowers, his thumb travelling down her cheek to rest at the corner of her lip. Her breathing was laboured, she could feel the stiff pressure of him between them. She took two steps back and sank down to the ground, pulling him with her, spreading the hot towels out on the sand.
Remus laid her down under the open sky, her wedding veil beneath her. As he parted her thighs, she felt the friction of tiny grains of sand against her skin. She held his head between her hands as he eased himself inside her, moaning as the slow, rhythmic movement began. They kissed, their breath erratic and intermingling, and Tonks felt peaceful and electrified, desperate and calm, all at once.
When it was over, Remus looked as if he could die right then and there. He stared straight up, breathing hard, his face lined in a frown and hugging her so close it made her arms tingle with pins and needles. After several silent minutes, Tonks wriggled loose and propped herself up on her elbow to stroke his hair, which was thick with sand.
"That's it," she said. "That's every primal matrimonial ritual ticked off the list."
"I can think of one more actually."
Remus sat up with a wince he didn't quite succeed in concealing. He picked up his wand and made a hole in the sand, filling it with flames. Tonks held out her palms, feeling the heat prick her cold skin. Donning his shirt and trousers once more, Remus found Tonks' white dress coiled in the sand and passed it to her before raising his wand towards the pub.
"What are you doing?"
Tonks craned her neck. A black shape meandered slowly towards them, tiny at first but becoming clearer: it was their record player, wrapped in protection charms. Remus stood up to catch it and brought it safely down onto the sand. Tonks' eyes were already brimming by the time the music started up.
"A first dance," said Remus, holding out his hand to her.
"I'm crap at proper dancing," she said, blinking rapidly as he pulled her to her feet.
"So am I."
But he wasn't. With bare feet, he led her in slow circles across the sand and, as they danced, Tonks realized it truly was their first. He held her steady, smiling broadly even when she knocked over the bottle with an errant heel. When he span her faster, she felt light despite her damp and sand-laden dress, able to fly in the arms of her husband who loved her; with whom she could face anything. She was so happy that when she caught sight of the watching moon above them, she thought only of how beautiful it was.
A/N:
Thank you so much for reading! It's lovely to be back writing fanfiction for you all again, especially after what I know has been a difficult summer for us all. I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter so please do drop me a review if you get the chance :)
Much love, T xxx