Once again thank you guys for all your lovely reviews! I apologize in advance in case I won't manage to update two weeks from now, but I'm going to move and don't know when I'm going to find time for writing again.
But first of all... I think there's someone you all want to meet ;-)
Chapter 39
He woke up around five in the morning from his wife moving around next to him and breathing heavier than usual. They had spent most of their anniversary at home, cuddling in bed and on the couch, but had gone out for dinner at the Italian restaurant where he had taken her for their first date after she had come back from New York. "Baby? Are you alright?", he mumbled groggily, subconsciously aware of the fact that it was too early for her regular six a.m. bathroom break.
She took another two deep, slow breaths, rubbing her belly soothingly, before answering: "Yeah… I… I think I'm having contractions…" She had experienced Braxton Hicks contractions before, but this time, the tightening in her abdomen felt different. It wasn't exactly painful, but stronger than what she had felt before.
Within a split of a second, he was wide awake, sitting up in bed and looking at her in the dim light that came through the curtains. "What? You… you mean… real ones? You mean you're going into labor? We need to go to the hospital! Oh my God, Baby, are you okay? Or are you in a lot of pain? How often do the contractions come? How long are they"
She couldn't help but chuckle slightly at his reaction. "Whoa, Baby, calm down…" Reaching for his hand, she pulled it towards her and placed it on her belly. "I'm okay! But yeah, I do think Gracie might not want to wait until August 25… it feels different than the practice contractions I've had before."
Circling her belly with his hand, he tried to calm down a little, knowing that running around like a headless chicken wasn't going to help. "Okay… wow… uhm… when did it start? And how many contractions did you have?" His mind was going crazy and he was nervous, excited and worried all at the same time.
"I've been up for about half an hour… and this was the third time." She was nervous herself, but she could sense that her partner was probably a hundred times more nervous than her. Giving him a small smile, she lifted one of her hands and stroked over his cheek.
"Should… should we go to the hospital right away?" He covered her hand with his and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. They had prepared a bag with everything she would need at the hospital weeks ago, just like her gynecologist had recommended.
She shook her head slightly. "I'd like to wait a little more to make sure it isn't false alarm. Plus, according to what Doctor Griffith said we don't have to go until the contractions come a lot more frequently." Blinking at him, she sat up slowly. "Can you hold me? Like we did in that antenatal class?"
His heart skipped a beat despite racing in his chest since she had mentioned the contractions. Cupping her face with his palms, he leaned in for a soft kiss. "Of course… anything you want, Baby." He sat with his back against the headboard and waited until she was sitting between his legs, wrapping his arms around her so she could settle against him.
A soft sigh left her lips when she leaned back into him, entwining her hands with his in front of her belly. "This feels good." She closed her eyes and concentrated on the safety of his embrace that helped her stay calm. A couple of minutes later, she felt her abdomen tighten again, slightly stronger than before. Like she had been taught in her class, she tried to breath regularly until the contractions subsided.
Even though she seemed okay, it almost hurt him when he felt her belly turn hard under his hands. It amazed him how relaxed she seemed, a complete contradiction to what he was feeling himself. "Baby… you know you can tell me when you're in pain or scared or nervous or whatever else, right?"
The way he cared for her warmed her heart and she squeezed his hands tightly. "I'm okay, really, I promise. I don't know how bad it will get, but right now, it's fine. And of course I'm a little nervous, but I'm not scared. And you know why?" She turned her head so she could look at him. "Because you're with me. I'd be scared if I were all by myself. But as long as I'm with you, I know I can do this. And I can't wait to meet our little angel."
His heart almost burst his chest when he saw the unconditional love and trust in her eyes. Gently kissing her temple, he whispered: "You're amazing. And I love you so much! I wish I could do this for you." The thought that she was probably going to be in a lot more pain in a few hours almost killed him, especially because there wasn't much he could do about it.
She buried herself even deeper in his arms. "Just keep holding me like this. As long as you're by my side, I'll be fine." Over the next two hours or so, there wasn't much of a change in how often the contractions came and how they felt. She didn't fall back asleep, but was dozing against him.
Holding her close and massaging her belly gently whenever it hardened under his palms, he kept checking the clock to keep track of the interval between the contractions and the duration of each one. "They're getting stronger, aren't they?", he whispered into her ear after another one that had caused her to grimace slightly, trying to not sound too worried. "And they're becoming a little more frequent."
She couldn't deny the contractions were starting to feel uncomfortable, even though they were nowhere near a sharp pain. "Yeah… I think this isn't false alarm." She sat up and turned around to lock her eyes with his. "We're going to be parents…" Even though they had known this for seven months, it still took her breath away that she was going to be a mother within the next hours or days.
He almost drowned in her beautiful hazel eyes that shone with a little bit of disbelief, but mostly happiness. Kissing her lips softly, he whispered: "Yes… we're going to be parents." He brought his hand to her cheek, caressing it with his thumb. "I think we should go to the hospital, Baby."
She bit her lower lip. "Can… can we maybe have breakfast first? I don't like hospital food…"
It surprised him that she was apparently still relaxed enough to be wanting to eat something, but even though he'd rather have her at a hospital sooner than later, he didn't want to deny her that wish. Plus, he didn't want to stress her with his own nervousness, especially since she still seemed to be completely fine. "Yeah… we… we can do that. What do you feel like having?"
"Uhm… some toast and fried eggs with bacon?", she answered after thinking about it for a moment, blinking her eyes at him innocently. Bringing her hand to her belly, she added: "Yeah, I think Gracie would like that, too."
He placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Okay… as long as the contractions don't become more frequent, you'll get your fried eggs with bacon. But we should go to the bathroom first so we can leave quickly if necessary."
"That's a good idea… I'd like to take a shower." She could see in his eyes that he wasn't exactly happy with her not wanting to hurry to the hospital. Once they were both on their feet, she stood in front of him and cupped his face with both hands. "Baby… relax, please. You know Doctor Griffith said labor can last forever, especially with the first child. For all we know, I might not even give birth today."
It completely puzzled him that she was so relaxed about everything, like she had gone into labor multiple times before. He remembered all of their conversations about her being scared of giving birth and worrying about whether she would be able to do this, but right now, she seemed like it was the most natural thing in the world – which was actually true, but it didn't feel like it to him. Taking a deep breath, he nodded. "I know… I'm just… worried about you and Gracie. But I've always known that you're a lot stronger than me." He winked at her, kissing her again before leading her to the bathroom.
A shower, a nice breakfast and a couple of contractions later, she agreed to finally leaving for the hospital. She still wasn't in that much pain, but she couldn't deny that the contractions were becoming more frequent. "I can't believe she's going to be here soon", she mused, caressing her belly while her husband was parking the car at Med. "I feel like it was yesterday when we first heard her little heart beat."
As soon as the car was in parking position, he turned around to her and placed his hand on her abdomen. "I know what you mean. But I'm ready to meet her." He exited the car and went around to the passenger's side to help her get out, pulling her into a loving embrace. "I love you so much, Erin. And I'm so incredibly proud of you! You're the one who's in labor, but you're doing so much better than me right now."
She leaned against him, hugging him tightly. "You're doing an amazing job, Baby! I'd never be able to do this without you." Tilting her head back to be able to kiss him, she whispered: "And Baby? I really appreciate that you didn't force me to go here earlier… I know that wasn't easy for you." She flinched when her abdomen tightened again, trying to breathe through the pain. "Okay, let's get in there… she doesn't seem to be on the patient side…"
"I wonder where she's got that from", he chuckled, kissing her temple before getting her bag and wrapping one arm around her waist to lead her inside. Seeing that she was hurting caused his heart to ache, and even though he knew it wouldn't get better within the next hours, being at the hospital now still made him feel at least a little bit better.
When they walked up to the counter, the nurse behind it asked: "Hey, how can I help you?"
"I'm going into labor", she said with a smile.
"Oh… what's your name and how far along are you?"
"Erin Halstead, and I'm 37+1… my gynecologist is Doctor Griffith. You should have all my data here already." She leaned into her husband and drew in a sharp breath when she felt another contraction come.
"Contractions are about every five minutes by now", he chimed in while soothingly circling her back.
"Okay, just give me a minute to check you in. Do you need a wheelchair?", the nurse asked.
She shook her head, regularly breathing in and out until the pain died down. Shortly after, another nurse came and accompanied them to the obstetrical ward where they took a seat in the waiting area. A few minutes later, a friendly looking woman who seemed to be in her fifties asked them to follow her into a room.
"Hey, I'm Caroline, I'm going to be your midwife. My shift just started so with a little bit of luck, I might be with you until your baby is there. Could you lie down here so we can put on the CTG?"
There was something motherly about the older woman and she immediately felt comfortable. "Hi Caroline, I'm Erin. Nice to meet you." She went over to the examination couch, squeezing her husband's hand thankfully when he helped her get on there.
He bent down to place a soft kiss on her forehead as soon as she was lying down, watching the midwife adjust a broad belt around her abdomen. He was nervous, but also very excited to meet their little angel soon.
"So, you're 37+1, right? And this is your first baby? When did the contractions start and how long are they?", Caroline asked while switching on the labor recorder.
"Yes, the estimated birth date would have been August 25, and it's my first…" She paused when her belly contracted painfully again, clutching his hand to her chest while she was breathing through it. After about a minute, she looked at the midwife again. "Well, that's how long the last ones have lasted. I woke up a little before four thirty in the morning from contractions, and I think we're down to about every five minutes by now."
Caroline took a few notes, her eyes widening slightly when she looked at the cardiotocograph. Erin felt her throat tighten when she noticed the midwife's look. "Is… is everything okay?" She automatically placed a hand on her belly.
The older woman nodded. "Oh, yeah, sorry, I didn't want to worry you. The baby's heartbeat is perfectly fine. I was just wondering… your contractions are already pretty strong. "She pointed to the monitor. "Did you take any pain medication?"
He saw his wife shake her head immediately, his chest aching when he realized from the midwife's words that she had to be in more pain than she had admitted so far. Holding her hand tightly, he circled the back of it with his thumb.
"Okay, I'd like to examine you to see how far your cervix has opened already", the midwife explained before helping her to get undressed. She had barely taken off her pants when another contraction caused her to inhale sharply again. Thankfully leaning her face into her husband's palm, she concentrated on her breath.
"Seems like your little one isn't planning to stay in there until tomorrow", Caroline announced after examining her. "Did you think about whether you want to get an epidural? If so, it would be about time to prepare for it. You're further along than I would have thought for a first-time mom."
Her heart skipped a beat at hearing her baby girl would probably be born within the next couple of hours. "Baby… we're going to be able to hold her soon", she whispered, locking her eyes with her husband's. After exchanging loving looks for a few seconds, she remembered the midwife had asked her a question. "Uhm, thank you, but no. I don't want any pain medication."
"Are you sure?", Caroline asked, patting her knee slightly. "The pain is going to grow stronger, just keep that in mind. I've seen a lot of women who thought they could handle it and desperately wished they had opted for an epidural later."
Hearing about the growing pain that was to be expected caused his heart to contract painfully. Gently stroking her cheek, he met her hazel eyes with his. "Baby… I know you want to avoid pain medication if possible, and I understand why. But… do you really think an epidural would be a problem? I… I just don't want you to suffer."
Another contraction interrupted her before she was able to say anything, but when the pain had subsided, she gave him a warm smile. "I love you, Baby. I know you're just looking out for me. But I've been through so much pain as a kid and as a young girl that I'm sure I will be able to go through this somehow… at least as long as you're with me. And I don't want to risk anything triggering… well… you know…"
Even though she hadn't spoken directly to Caroline, the midwife had heard enough to understand where her patient was coming from. It was none of her business, but she silently wondered what live had thrown at the woman in front of her. "Well… I suggest we move to a delivery room. And I'd also like to introduce you to one of our gynecologists. Just in case we need them at any time. I guess you still want to walk by yourself?"
She nodded, accepting the hospital gown the older woman handed her so she wouldn't have to get dressed completely again. While putting it on, yet another contraction forced her to pause. She was incredibly thankful for Jay who was gently massaging her back until she relaxed. "Okay, let's go…", she said, standing up and leaning into his waiting arm.
Making sure he was supporting her enough so she wouldn't fall in case of contractions on the way, he carefully led her where Caroline showed them. He still wasn't comfortable with her not wanting any kind of pain reducing medication, but he knew she would only give in if she needed a C-section, and they both hoped that wouldn't be the case.
Once they had arrived at the delivery room and been introduced to a doctor, the midwife allowed them to either sit or lie down or walk around in the room, whatever she felt more comfortable with. She told them she would check on them regularly, but that they should call her in case anything changed at all.
Even though she was thankful for the midwife being there and going to help her deliver her baby, she was also glad when it was only her and Jay in the room. Wrapping her arms around him, she snuggled into him as much as possible with her round belly and rested her head on his chest, flinching when her midsection tightened again. She couldn't deny that the contractions weren't only becoming more frequent, but also more painful.
He tightened his embrace when he felt her stiffen again, placing his lips on her hair and whispering: "Breathe, Baby… you're doing an amazing job, you know that?" After a while, he quietly asked: "It hurts a lot, doesn't it?"
She lifted her head, giving him a small smile. "Would you believe me if I said 'no'?" When he shook his head, worry visible in his eyes, she kissed him softly. "It hurts, yeah. But… I don't know if it's because it really isn't as bad or if it's because the situation itself is actually a positive one, but up until now, it doesn't compare to some of the pain I experienced when Bunny abused me or when…" She trailed of, not wanting to even think about some of the darkest hours in her life anymore. That was in the past, and right now, she was here, with the love of her life, about to give birth to their daughter.
Despite her not finishing her sentence, he knew exactly what she was talking about, and he instinctively held her closer. "I love you so much, Baby. And yes, this pain is going to end in something amazing. Still, it kills me to see you in pain, and it kills me that I can't take it away from you."
"You have no idea how much pain you're taking away from me", she whispered against his chest. "You give me so much strength, you help me relax, you're able to soothe me like no one and nothing else." Pulling away from him just enough to look at him, she locked her hazel eyes with his bright blue ones. "I love you."
The love in her eyes took his breath away, and he kissed her softly before helping her breathe through the next contractions. For the next hour or two, he had completely lost track of time, they switched between standing at the window with him massaging her belly or her back, sitting down to drink something or slowly walking up and down in the room. Caroline had come in a couple of times to check on them, but there hadn't been much of a change. They were standing at the window again and she was leaning back against his chest, their hands crossed in front of her belly, when he suddenly heard her hiss through her teeth and felt her sink slightly into his arms. The sudden movement startled him and he immediately tightened his hold of her, asking worriedly: "Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
She gripped his forearms tightly, trying to catch her breath again that the unexpectedly strong contraction had momentarily knocked out of her. "Y… yes… it… just…", she pressed out before inhaling sharply, unable to finish her sentence. "C… can… we… lie…", she tried again, concentrating on exhaling slowly.
His heart was racing in his chest and he carefully tried to lead her back to the odd-looking bed that had been prepared for her. Relief flooded him when he saw Caroline coming in to check on them. "I think the contractions are getting stronger", he told her, helping his wife who was still breathing heavily lie down.
Through a blur, she felt the midwife attaching the CTG belt again and examining her while she was still clenching her husband's arm tightly. "Wow, you really can take a lot of pain, can't you?", Caroline asked with a warm smile, sounding surprised. "Your cervix is fully open and you're already having second-stage-contractions. There's definitely no way back now." The older woman took her hand and squeezed it lightly. "Just so you know, Erin, any woman in here, any woman giving birth is a hero. It's okay to scream, especially without any medication."
He felt like his heart was being stabbed when he heard the midwife talk about his wife's pain being the kind of pain that would cause most people to scream. "Baby", he whispered, stroking her cheek when her face finally seemed to relax a little. "Are you sure you still don't want them to give you anything?" Sighing when she shook her head, he asked: "Is there anything I can do?"
She swallowed hard, the worry and helplessness in his eyes touching her deeply. "Can… can you just… sit behind me… and hold me?" Her heart skipped a beat when he nodded vehemently, helping her to move forward just enough for him to climb behind her. As soon as she sank back into his chest and felt his arms around her, she felt safe. "Thank you…"
Before he could answer that there was nothing she had to thank him for, he felt her stiffen again, a gasp falling from her lips as she clenched her eyes shut. Trying to think of what they had learned at the antenatal class, he placed one hand on her chest and began to breathe in and out slowly, whispering soft instructions for her to match his breath.
She gripped his hand like it was the last straw that kept her from falling, hoping she wouldn't break his bones. Pressing her back into his chest, she tried to breathe like he was showing her to. When her body relaxed again, she turned her head to look at him. "You're sweating, Baby", she whispered with a small smile, reaching up to stroke over his moist cheek.
"So are you." He affectionately kissed her forehead that was shining with pearls of sweat.
Despite her exhaustion, she chuckled: "Well, I really appreciate your solidarity." Nestling deep into his embrace, she admitted: "I always wished I would be lying in your arms when giving birth to our daughter. This is perfect." She closed her eyes briefly to just enjoy the intimacy of the moment before the next wave of pain began to wash over her.
"Okay, Erin, your water just broke. I need you to press now", Caroline advised her, "press as hard as you can. Yeah, just like that. You're doing great, Erin!"
He was sure his hand would be numb for days from her squeezing it so tightly, but he didn't care. All he wished for was that this was going to be over soon. He had seen so much in his job and especially at war, but nothing had prepared him for seeing the love of his life in labor pain. When the contraction seemed to have died down, he buried his face in her hair, his lips close to her ear. "I'm so proud of you, Baby. You're amazing, you know that? I love you so much."
She was panting heavily, eventually having lost control over her breathing, but his softly whispered words soothed her a little. Her eyes widened when the next contraction hit her faster than she had expected and she pressed like the midwife had advised her, her vision turning black at the agonizing pain in the lower part of her body. And then, all of the sudden, she felt something warm and wet on her skin, something that she instinctively wrapped her arms around. She didn't hear what Caroline was saying to her. All she could hear was a soft cry that was without a doubt the most beautiful sound that she had ever heard in her life.
His heart stopped beating when his eyes fell on the tiny human being the midwife placed on his wife's chest. The little bundle was moving slightly, soft crying sounds falling from her small pink lips as she snuggled against her mommy. He was unable to move, his eyes filling with tears as he saw how Erin immediately held the tiny body against her own.
A wave of the purest love she had ever felt washed over her as she blinked her tears away and saw her daughter's beautiful little face for the very first time. "Hey, baby girl", she managed to whisper after having held her breath for what felt like an eternity. And when she felt her husband's cheek against her own, he voiced exactly what she was thinking in that very moment: "She's perfect."