Something to Remember

Set after Window of opportunity

Sam studied her apartment for the first time in almost five months, of course to her it felt like it had only been a day or two. A thick layer of dust covered everything. Her few house plants were completely dried out and shriveled. She glanced at the kitchen afraid of what she would find in there. Jack had mentioned once that he had someone who came to his house every week to clean mainly in case, they got stuck off world. Maybe it was time she investigated something like that.

Jack…it was dangerous for to let herself think of him as Jack. It was better for her to keep her mind trained to think of him as Colonel. That was becoming harder and harder to do. Ever since the incident with the Tok'ra and the armbands, ever since they had been forced to confess their feelings for each other, when she was alone with her thoughts, he was always Jack.

Setting down her bag she took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. She pulled a trash bag from under the sink and went to work on the refrigerator. She did not bother opening anything just tossed it all in the trash bag before she began to clean it. She liked cleaning because it gave her mind a chance to wander. Today however that wandering was not helping her. She kept coming back to two moments with Jack. The first one in the conference room when he was smiling at her like he had a secret. That had been right before they had broken the loop. She could chalk that one up to him knowing what was going to happen before anyone else. He liked it anytime he got to be the one explaining things.

It was the second moment that was more troubling to her. That morning in the commissary as he shoveled mountainous spoonsful of oatmeal into his mouth, Daniel had asked him if he had been tempted to do anything crazy while they were looping. His only response had been to say that Daniel had already asked him that. Then he stared at her with the same look he had given her in the conference room the day before, only this time it was more intense. This one made her convinced there was something he was not telling the rest of them.

"What did he do?" She said aloud to nobody but herself. Knowing Jack, it could be anything. He could have left base to go fishing or play golf. No, there would not have been time for that. General Hammond kept golf clubs in his office. Jack could have…no, surely, he wouldn't have. Sam laughed to herself and made a mental note to check for golf balls on future planets they might visit.

She shook her head, that was not it. Yes, she could completely believe Jack would do something like hit golf balls through the Stargate. That is exactly something he would do. This had to be something else. The way he had looked at her gave her the distinct feeling that she was somehow involved. Oh God, what had he convinced her to do. Had he ordered her to do something? No, he wouldn't do that. What would he do though?

She finished cleaning her kitchen and realized the sun was starting to set. She looked down at her watch, it was after six. She realized then that she had no food for dinner. She wondered how long it had been since she had pizza, at least five months. She grabbed her purse and keys and headed to her car. There was a decent pizza place not far from her apartment, but she really liked the one closer to Jack's place better. Plus, there was a grocery store right next door to it. She could shop for groceries while she waited for pizza. That was a good reason to drive across town for pizza.

SJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJ

"Hi Major Carter. It's been a while you guys must have been busy." The owner greeted her. She was surprised he remembered her, but they had eaten there together as a team several times. She and Jack had even eaten by themselves a couple of times.

"Hi, Mike, yes things have been crazy." She answered with a smile.

"You guys eating here or to go?" He asked her as he pulled out an order pad. Sam heard the door behind her open and Mike smiled. "Must be for here. Just you two?"

Sam looked at him in confusion until he heard a familiar voice from behind her.

"Actually, we'll take the usual to go." She heard Jack say and she felt her heart begin to race. She turned slowly to face him.

"The usual?" She asked ignoring the fact that he had just implied they were going back to his place for dinner.

Mike answered for her, "All right medium sausage and mushroom with a house salad dressing on the side."

Jack gave her his best "See, I know what I'm talking about grin."

"Come on let's go get some beer while we wait." He told her and they were out the door walking towards the grocery store before she knew what happened.

"Sir, what's going on?" She asked him once she regained the ability to speak.

He shrugged. "You tell me Carter. You are on my side of town ordering at our pizza place."

"Ours?" She questioned.

He shrugged again. "The team's now don't deflect. What brings you over here?"

It was Sam's turn to shrug, "I like Mike's pizza better than the one near my place. Plus, I needed to grocery shop." She answered.

"Ahh, all the grocery stores on that side of town closed in the last five months?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm sorry Sir, I can go if…" She stated but he put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her.

"I'm joking Carter. I'm glad you came over here…whatever the reason. Now come on I haven't had a beer in five months." He told her placing a hand on her back and ushering her into the store.

SJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJ

Forty-five minutes later they were sitting on Jack's deck each with a beer, a slice of pizza, and half the salad.

"Thanks for letting me intrude Sir." Same said taking a bite of her salad.

Jack took a long sip of his beer as he studied her. "Two things, first you're not intruding. If anything I just took over your evening. Second, what have we talked about?"

Sam responded by taking her own equally long drink of beer before answering, "I can't Sir."

"You can…Sam." He said her name softly but with emphasis.

"That's different you are allowed to call me Sam. General Hammond calls you by your first name all the time." She explained.

"You won't even say my first name when talking about my first name?" He said rolling his eyes.

Sam couldn't help but smile, "You know I'm a rule girl."

"Oh, I am aware." He said taking another long sip of his beer. Then he stopped and smiled at her. It was close to the smile he had given her that morning.

'What?" She asked dubiously.

"I could order you to call me Jack when we are off base not on assignment." He said.

"But you won't." She countered after another equally long drink of her beer.

Jack sighed and ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair. It had grown out in five months. She liked it longer like that. "For crying out loud Carter why not?' Why do you insist on calling me Sir when we are sitting alone on my porch eating pizza and drinking beer?"

Sam studied her suddenly empty beer bottle. "It makes it harder." She said not looking up form her bottle.

It took Jack a minute to register what she was saying. She felt his hand on hers and she looked up at him, his eyes were soft and understanding.

"We aren't doing anything wrong here Sam. I would not put you in that position. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your career or your reputation." He told her his voice thick with sincerity and emotion. "That's part of me caring about you."

Sam felt the intensity of the moment, of his feelings, and hers. Smiled at him before moving her hand from under his. "I know you wouldn't. It's not you I am worried about."

A satisfied smile crossed his face, and she could not help but laugh. There was no point in denying her feelings they had been laid bare for the Tok'ra and the air force to see.

"Why do you want me to call you by your first name so badly anyways?" She asked him as she finished her piece of pizza.

Jack shrugged, "Because other than when we are in the field, I don't want to be your superior officer. I want to be your…teammate…and friend."

Sam sighed when he put it that way it made sense. She shook her head of course it made sense here in his backyard drinking beer and eating pizza. This whole scene was walking a dangerous line, but here she was. She had sacrificed a lot to the Air Force and still was. Why should she have to sacrifice a friendship with one of the few people who understood her life?

"Earth to Carter." Jack's voice interrupted her thoughts. "So, what do you say?"

Sam studied him and a thought crossed her mind. "I'll make you a deal." She said her own satisfied smile crossing her face.

Jack raised an eyebrow, "I'm listening."

"I will call you Jack. If you tell me what you and Teal'c did during all the loops. Everything you did." She said staring him in the eyes trying to judge his reaction. He pursed his lips together momentarily before standing up from his chair. He smiled at her.

"This is going to require more beer." He said turning to walk back into the house. Sam took a deep breath. He was calling her bluff. She should have known he would. Jack did not back down easily. He reappeared quickly with two more open beers.

"Thanks." Sam said taking hers.

"Thanks…." He prompted.

Sam smiled taking a sip, "You haven't told me anything yet."

Jack settled back into his own chair smiling at her before downing a large portion of his second beer in a single gulp.

"All right, let's start with those damn Fruit Loops." He told her. He started with the basics most of which she already knew, but then slowly got to the parts left out of the mission reports.

"Where did you find a pottery wheel?" She laughed.

"Where did you find a pottery wheel…" Jack prompted with a glint in his eyes.

Sam rolled her eyes, he had her, this was new information. "Where did you find a pottery wheel, Jack?' She asked the name flowing from her as if it was what she called him every day.

Jack's smile changed. It wasn't his smug smile, nor was it the one from that morning. This was a contented smile. "Someone brought it back from some abandoned planet at some point."

"Did you enjoy making pottery?" She asked with a slight giggle.

"Are you mocking my artistic side Samantha?" He asked.

"Never, it's just not something I ever pictured you doing, Jack." She added the Jack at the end to see if it brought the same smile. It did and she thought she would call him Jack as often as possible if it meant he would look at her like that.

"Oh, and what exactly have you been picturing me doing?" He asked leaning closer to her.

Sam swallowed, she realized she was wading in deeper than she should. They were flirting, it was innocent flirting neither of them would take it anywhere, but it was flirting. She looked back at Jack, then down at her beer finishing what was left of it in the same way he had started his.

"I don't know annoying me while I work and trying to get me to come play." She finally answered.

Jack shrugged, "I gave up after about 15 loops." He confessed. "I taught Teal'c how to golf instead."

"I knew it!" She said triumphantly. "Then what?"

Jack looked away for a minute and Sam knew they had come to whatever it was that he had been hiding. "Then I resigned." He answered and she could not read the look on his face.

"You resigned?" She felt herself begin to panic. Was he still resigned? Was he leaving the SGC?

"Don't worry Carter. It went away as soon as we looped again." He assured her.

"Then why did you resign?" She asked.

Jack smiled again, "That's what you asked me then too."

"And the reason was?" She urged him.

He leaned back in his chair and finished what was left in his beer before answering. "So that I could take you in my arms and kiss you in a way that let everyone around us know how we felt about each other even if it was just for 30 seconds."

Sam stared at him for several long seconds in disbelief. Finally, she found her voice, "And did I let you."

Then the smile she had seen that morning came back and she knew what it meant. He was remembering kissing her. The light a flirty feeling from earlier was gone pushed away be something else entirely.

"You asshole!" She yelled standing up from her chair so fast it fell over.

"Well, I see we're past Sir, that's good I guess." He said unsure what else to say.

"Don't make jokes with me Jack I am serious. How could you do that?" She asked him. "How am I supposed to trust you when you would do that?"

"Sam, I'm sorry. It wasn't trying to take advantage of you, and I promise nothing happened past a kiss in a room full of people. I wouldn't do anything else." He explained.

"Anything else? You mean that wasn't enough?" She blasted.

"Sam, please listen to me for a minute." He begged setting her chair back up and motioning for her to sit down. When she finally did, he continued. "I had a lot of time to think while we were looping. Too much time probably. For several loops all I could think about was me and you. How it took failed alien technology to get us to admit our feelings to each other, and then we could not do anything about it. I thought about how for once I had a chance for everyone to know how I felt about you and I wanted to take it."

"So, you just did it with no concern for what I might think or feel?" She asked.

"It was wrong. I shouldn't have done it and I am sorry Sam. I really am." He said reaching for her hands and to both of their surprise she let him take them. They sat there for several minutes before she spoke. When she did he could see that she was trying not to cry.

"I'm not mad that you kissed me. I'm mad that I don't get to remember kissing you." She finally admitted. "I had to watch you kiss the other me through the mirror and try not to be jealous of myself. I've had to wonder if I had made her choices if we could have had something. Now you've gotten to kiss me twice and I don't know what it's like to kiss you."

Jack scooted to the edge of his chair so that their knees were touching, he placed his hands on her arms. "Listen to me very clearly Sam. First off, the decisions you have made have kept our planet from being destroyed so I think they are good decisions even if I don't always like what it means for us. Second, it was not you I kissed in that mirror. It was a woman grieving her husband. Much to my ongoing frustration until yesterday I had never kissed you."

"And what about this time?" She asked tears now escaping down her face. "What was it like kissing me? How were we together."

Jack reached up a wiped a tear from her face. "It was perfect, just like I knew it would be and I am sorry you don't remember it."

She offered him a half smile, "Me too."

"Do you want one you can remember?" He asked her not breaking eye contact with her.

She closed her eyes and wished she could find the right answer. "I don't know." She finally whispered.

She felt his lips brush her cheek before he pulled back from her. "When you know for sure, I will be here." He told her.

"Jack you can't say that. Who knows how long it will be until we could be together? You should find someone else." She told him.

"Sam, I don't want anyone else. I am fully aware of what I am saying. When you are ready, I will be ready." He told her.

She smiled at him, "I guess it must have been a pretty good kiss."

He smiled back at her, "There's one more thing."

Sam groaned, "What?"

This time Jack looked nervous, "I timed the kiss just before we would loop, but I ended it with a couple seconds left…"

"Ok? Why?" She asked.

Jack took a deep breath, "So that I could tell you that I love you."

"Jack." She whispered.

"You don't have to say anything Sam. I am not looking for you to. I just… well I might not be able to give you a kiss you can remember, but I want you to remember that. I love you Samantha Carter. I won't say it again until you tell me you are ready, but I want you to promise me that you will remember that I do."

Sam sat in stunned silence then nodded her head, "I will."

Hours later after talking and laughing with the usual ease between them restored Jack finally walked Sam to her car. "You going to be able to stay awake to drive home?" He asked her.

"Yes Sir." She said out of habit and smiled when Jack raised an eyebrow at her. "It will take time." She said looking into his eyes and he knew what she meant.

"Good thing I'm known for my patience." He told her causing her to laugh out loud.

"Good night Jack." She said as she closed her car door.

Jack walked back into his house and closed the door. He looked over to the chair where she had been sitting moments earlier. He had not intended to tell her about the kiss or what he said to her, but he was glad that he did. Then his mind went back to the last seconds before the loop.

He could have kept kissing her forever. Her lips soft against his, but they had parted quickly not hesitating to welcome him. After dipping her down he pulled her back up right. Her eyes were filled with a mix of surprise and desire.

"I love you Sam." He said, "I need you to remember that."

Suddenly her eyes flew open as she realized finally what was about to happen. Holding tightly to his shirt as they both felt time begin to shift the words fell from her mouth. "I love you too Jack."