September 1998

Hermione stared at the leather trunks on her bed. Behind her, she could hear Ginny throwing in a few last-minute items. Hermione ran through her list in her head. Not that she needed to double check anything. As she had done every year, she'd done all of her packing the day before. But whereas she would usually do that just to be organised. This year it had allowed her to take her mind off what she was doing. She hadn't expected to be so anxious about going back to do her final year. Even before the hunt for the Horcruxes had started, she had known that she would go back to finish her education once it was all over. Except that had been last year. Before she'd spent months living as a fugitive, been tortured by a madwoman, and fought in a battle that had nearly killed her and the people she loved. Whilst she was still determined to go back to Hogwarts, she'd be lying if she hadn't had her doubts.

"You got everything?" Ginny's voice snapped her from her thoughts and Hermione grabbed her suitcases. It still felt strange that she'd be travelling with Ginny only. Although she knew Harry and Ron weren't as interested in their education as she was in hers; Hermione had just assumed they would all go back together.

"What do you mean you aren't going back?"

Both Harry and Ron glanced nervously at her. Harry rubbed the back of his neck.

"We just don't see the need. We don't need to get our N.E.W. T's after all."

"Besides," Ron added, "you always cared more about this than we ever did."

Hermione nodded and both boys shared a glance with each other.

"Will you be okay?" Harry asked. Hermione forced a smile on her face.

"Of course! I just assumed we would all go back together. It won't be the same without you guys."

"Please," Ron drawled. "This will probably be the only year you ever get some peace! If me and Harry went back Merlin knows what would happen!"

"Hermione." Ginny prompted. "Are you coming?"

With a nod, Hermione dragged her things to the door. She let Ginny head down the stairs first. Their footsteps silence by the banging of cases. She knew it wasn't fair, but a part of her couldn't help but be angry at Ron and Harry for not going back. No one else knew what it had been like during that year. She'd been relying on them to help her deal with the attention she was bound to get. Pain shot through her left arm and the case fell. She'd been warned that, although the scars were small, Bellatrix's knife had cut deep and that putting any strain on that arm could delay the healing process. Hermione picked the case back up. It didn't matter if her arm healed or not. She would never fully heal where it mattered. She would always hear her screams as she was hit with the Cruciatus curse again and again. See the blood trickling down her arm as Bellatrix's knife cut her skin.

Where it mattered, Hermione didn't ever think she'd heal.

When she finally reached the foot of the stairs, Hermione was barely able to move before Ginny shot round the corner.

"Fred's here."

"He…what?"

The younger girl nodded. "Should I ask him to go? Why is he even here? He knows what day it is today."

Hermione shook her head. "Ginny he's your brother. He's more than welcome to turn up here whenever he likes."

"I know. But you and he…"

"Ginny!" Hermione handed over her cases. "It's fine. Can you take these to the car? My arms playing up again."

With a nod Ginny turned and headed back through the living room. Hermione brushed herself down before slowly following. Fred stood awkwardly by the open door. Hermione held her hand up and gave a small wave. She wasn't really sure how else she was meant to greet him. Fred smiled weakly.

"I um…I didn't know if this was a good idea or not."

Hermione narrowed her eyes and Fred jerked his head in the direction of the car outside.

"First day of the school year? Remember I said I would go the station with you?"

"Oh." It wasn't that she had forgotten. Hermione just hadn't expected Fred to remember. Or to even act on it. Fred shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I know I don't exactly have to given what happened. But I know how anxious you've been about going back and…well…I didn't want you to think I'd broken my promise." he glanced up at her.

"I can go if you want. But just because we aren't together anymore doesn't meant I'm never going to be here for you."

"I…"

Fred nodded in resignation. "It's fine. I thought it might be too weird. I'll go. I just wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten."

"Wait!" Hermione dived forward, her hands reaching for his out of habit.

"You don't have to go. I just didn't expect you to come given…" she gestured awkwardly at the space between them.

"Honestly, I'd feel a lot better if you came with us. I've been so nervous about going back. Barely slept at all last night."

Fred's face fell and he moved towards her. Hermione stiffened when he raised his arms to give her a hug. Fred paused before dropping his arms and shuffling backwards.

"Are you sure you're ready? To go back?"

Hermione nodded. She hoped she looked more confident than she felt.

"I need to do this. I want to finish my education. Besides, I need something normal. Something that stops me thinking about…everything."

"Well as long as you're sure," Fred stepped aside to allow her through.

"I'd have offered to take your bags, but I see you've already got my sister doing all the hard work."

Hermione forced a smile onto her face.

"Thanks for this. I know you didn't have to."

"Hey," Fred placed a hand on her arm. "I meant it. Just because we broke up, doesn't mean we can't still get along. I made a promise and I intend to keep it."

As they walked to the car, Fred's words ran riot in her brain. Not for the first time, Hermione found herself bitterly regretting her decisions to break things off. But as her arm gave another twinge, she was instantly reminded why she had done it. Why it was for the best.


"Not gonna lie, I always used to love this bit."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Of course, you would."

"What can I say? You're running at a brick wall and then suddenly you're in a whole new place. I know I grew up with all of this, but it always gave me a bit of a thrill every time it happened."

"I just remember being incredibly nervous the first time. I was so sure I would break my nose!"

Hermione watched as Ginny and Molly walked through the wall that took them to platform 9 ¾. Her fingers gripped the bar of her trolley as she lined up for her go. The bricks stared back at her and she flexed her aching fingers.

"Um…are you waiting for something?"

Hermione glanced down at her luggage and then back up against the wall. Each heartbeat felt like someone driving a hammer against her ribs.

"Hermione?"

"I can't do this," she stumbled backwards. "Fred I…I can't do this!"

"Hey," he grabbed her trolley with one hand and gently ushered them both to one side so other returning students could go through.

"Hermione what's wrong?"

"I can't…" she wrung her hands tightly. "Fred the second I am on that platform everyone will notice me. They'll all be staring and whispering. I'll have people asking me questions and wanting to talk about what happened."

Fred smiled down at her. "I was on the platform when I met Harry for the first time. The most famous person in our world was just wandering around. Guess how many people noticed him?"

"I don't…"

"None." Fred gently reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I only noticed him because he came up to me and George. Everyone else was completely oblivious to him. It'll be the same the second you go through the barrier."

"But what about when we arrive?" Hermione whispered. She tugged her sleeves over her hands.

"People will notice me then."

"Yeah," Fred nodded, "they will. What you three did, unfortunately won't ever happen without gaining some attention afterwards. And people will be curious. They will ask questions. But I know that you will be able to handle it. You're Hermione Granger. You can handle anything."

With a shaky nod, Hermione grabbed the trolley again. Fred shot her a smile.

"Now then. Shall we?"

His hands brushed over hers before he snatched it back. Forcing herself to keep calm, Hermione took a deep breath and walked straight at the wall.


"See," Fred's voice whispered in her ear. "No one."

Hermione glanced around the bustling platform. As usual it was filled with parents and children saying their goodbyes. Unsurprisingly, most parents were a little more emotional than usual in their goodbyes and she had a feeling many didn't want their children going back. Tears pricked at her eyes as she saw a girl a few years younger than her hugging her parents tightly. The Ministry had written to say they would look into relocating her parents and restoring their memories. But at the moment it would have to give way to some other issues that needed dealing with. Fred's hand hovered against her back.

"Come on. Let's find mum and Ginny."

Locating the two members of the Weasley family wasn't an issue. Hermione reached them just as Molly was handing a small bag over to Ginny. She turned to her with a smile.

"I've made you some food as well Hermione," she planted the lunch bag into her hands.

"Ginny said she found a quiet compartment for you both."

Hermione gave a shaky nod. Even though no one else on the platform was even looking in her direction, she could feel their gazes on her. Fingers pointing. Was this how Harry had felt all those years ago? It certainly wasn't as exciting as it had sounded at the time.

"Hey," Fred reached down and picked up her cases.

"You'll be fine. Now then, where am I putting these?"

"Fred it's fine. I can take them."

"Hermione," he sidestepped her and jumped through the carriage doorway, leaving her no choice but to follow him.

"Allow me at least one chance to show off what a gentleman I can be."

Hermione followed him down the train corridor. Two younger students pushed past, and she could have sworn she heard one of them whisper "That's Hermione Granger!" She shook her head and followed Fred until he reached the figure of Ginny at the end of the carriage. Hermione said nothing as Fred made sure her cases were secure. Instead she found herself hanging round the doorway. Trying to ignore the small group of students that had gathered further along and were now staring in her direction.

"Okay!" Fred turned and gave Ginny a hug.

"Don't do anything me and George wouldn't do. And if you can, send us that Hogwarts toilet seat. We never got round to doing it ourselves."

Hermione stepped back to allow him through. Fred's soft smile lingered on her face.

"You'll be fine," he whispered, "I promise."

Hermione nodded. "Thanks again for coming. I appreciate it."

"Write to me?"

Hermione blinked at him and Fred ran a hand through his hair.

"I know I probably shouldn't ask that since we aren't together anymore. I just…I just want to know you're doing okay. Please?"

"Of course," Hermione nodded hurriedly. "Of course, I will."

"Okay," Fred took a deep breath.

"Hermione. I need you to know that…. even though you ended things I…I still care about you. The way I feel hasn't changed. That's not me trying to make you take me back!" he added hurriedly. "No, it's not that. I respect your decision. I just meant that if you need me then I'm here for you. No matter what. Please remember that."

"I know that Fred," Hermione smiled. "I know."

With a shaky grin he waved before turning and making his way down the corridor. Hermione watched him go and only when she saw him and Molly on the platform did, she turn and join Ginny in their compartment.

"You okay?" Ginny shrugged her coat off. Hermione nodded and instead settled against the window. She knew Fred still loved her, so his sudden declaration wasn't exactly a shock. But how was she supposed to respond? Was she supposed to stand there and say "Fred, my feelings for you haven't changed at all. I still love you and want to be with you. But you deserve better than someone who's broken and damaged so that's why I broke things off."

Hermione shook her head. Maybe going back to Hogwarts hadn't been a good idea.


"Mind if we join you?"

At the sound of a familiar Irish accent, Hermione glanced up to see Seamus, Dean and Neville standing in the open doorway. Ginny shuffled over in her seat to make room whilst Hermine simply drew her knees up to her chest. Ginny glanced at her briefly, but Hermione ignored her gaze and nodded. She had been expecting Dean to be coming back since he, like her, hadn't been at Hogwarts last year. Seamus and Neville were a welcome surprise. Neville sat down beside her whilst the other two sat close to Ginny. For a second, Hermione wondered if things would be awkward between everyone. But the second her eye caught the sight of Dean clutching Seamus's hand, her worries vanished. Dean smiled.

"You must have a fan club building up. Had to fight our way through a crowd of second years to get here."

Hermione hugged herself. She'd spent the entire journey trying to make herself as small as possible. Deans latest news was simply confirming her earlier worries. Aware that she needed to give some kind of reply, she glanced between Neville and Seamus.

"How come you two are coming back? I thought you'd finished by now?"

Neville nodded. "We never took our exams. After the battle, the teachers were more focused on rebuilding the school and dealing with the…with everything. Professor McGonagall said we could either leave with our predicted grades or come back and take our exams properly. My gran didn't want me to come back, but it felt right."

Seamus nodded. "My mum didn't want me to come back either. Or my dad once we explained what had happened. But I heard Dean was coming back and…." He turned to the other boy and gave his hand a squeeze.

"I couldn't spend another year apart from him. After what had happened…I wasn't letting him out of my sight."

Hermione smiled as Dean gave Seamus a kiss on the cheek. Neville cleared his throat.

"I heard Harry and Ron decided not to return?"

Hermione tried to ignore the clenching feeling in her stomach.

"No. No they said they didn't need to take their exams. Plus, they were never huge fans of school. I think, if last year hadn't happened, they'd have probably gone along the lines of what Fred and George did."

Hermione caught Ginny's eye at the mention of the twins. The clenching feeling in her stomach wasn't going away. Realising no one else in the carriage knew what had happened, Hermione cleared her throat.

"Look, you should know I…Fred and I broke up a few weeks ago. It's fine. We're fine. I'm fine. Just…wanted you to know."

"I'm sorry," Seamus said. "After seeing you guys when we all thought he'd been killed…." He shrugged.

"You guys just always looked unshakeable."

"Yeah," Hermione forced an overly bright smile onto her face. "It just didn't work out. We wanted different things I guess."

She caught Ginny's eye and quickly turned away. Whether or not she had the others fooled didn't matter. Hermione knew the other girl hadn't believe a word she'd said. Silence settled, with only the rumbling of the train tracks from outside and the occasional croak from Trevor. During her previous journeys to Hogwarts, Hermione had often wished for some peace and quiet from Harry and Ron's constant chatter. But now, she was almost trying to make-up a conversation in their head of what they would be saying. A tear pricked at her eye and she hurriedly blinked it away.

"Hermione?" Seamus glanced at the other two boys before turning back to her.

"We just wanted you to know that, whilst we don't know what you three went through last year, we are here for you. If you need to talk about anything or…. I know Harry and Ron would be the better choice but since they aren't here…" he trailed off, unsure of how to finish. Dean shook his head with a smile.

"Hermione, if you need us then we are here for you. Think that's what he was trying to say."

"Yeah," Seamus nodded. "Yeah that."

With a nod, Hermione returned to staring out the window. The boys were being kind, but she'd spent a whole summer of people asking her if she was okay. If she needed to talk. To let her know people 'were here for her'. But what good were they? Everyone had suffered over the past year, she knew that. But what she had been through? Only two people had shared that experience. The only two people she felt comfortable talking about it all with.

The two people who were no longer by her side.


Her first time entering the Great Hall, Hermione had felt incredibly uneasy at all the eyes staring at her. The moment she'd gone up to Sorting Hat, had been one of the most nerve-wracking moments of her life. Even though she knew the other students didn't really care which house she got into, the pressure of all those eyes watching her. Expecting a certain response. She hadn't enjoyed it one bit.

Sitting by Ginny in the Great Hall as the latest group of first years were led through, Hermione found herself wishing she was back there.

Whilst most of the students were watching the nervous first years being led through the hall; Hermione was aware plenty of eyes were on her. She'd already heard several people whispering her name and pointing at her. Even some of the first years had spotted her and whispered excitedly to each other. She had to assume they came from wizarding families. Hermione tried to keep her gaze on the Sorting Hat itself. That way she could ignore the stares and pointing. It also meant that she, like the others, could ignore the gaps on all the benches. Even when the first years were sorted, plenty of seats would still be empty.

"You okay?" Ginny whispered.

Hermione nodded. Given she was the only returning female Gryffindor from her year, she'd been able to share with Ginny and the girls in her year since two were no longer coming back. Both because their names were now inscribed on the memorial along with countless others.

"I just wish everyone would stop staring at me. It's not like I won the war single-handed." Hermione hissed. Ginny sighed.

"I know. But you did go on the hunt for the Horcruxes. If Harry and Ron had come back, they'd be sharing some of the attention. People are just curious that's all."

"Well can they stop being curious," Hermione snapped. "We didn't go on holiday! It wasn't some fun trip to tell at familiar dinners. It was an experience we would all like to be able to forget. And people coming up and asking questions isn't helping."

Ginny bit her lip and Hermione sighed.

"I'm sorry Ginny. It's just hard. I just want to have my final year at Hogwarts. It's what we fought for. For people like me to be able to study magic and to experience it."

"Look, I know the guys said it on the train. But I am here for you as well."

Hermione was saved from answering when she felt a tug on the sleeve of her robe. Expecting it to be one of the gawky younger students, she turned to see Dennis Creevey had moved beside her. A smile instantly appeared on her face.

"Hey. How are you?"

He nodded. "My parents didn't want me to come back. But I said it's what Colin would want."

Hermione could see the bulk of Colins camera in the boy's hands.

"Colin always wanted to be a photographer," Dennis kept his eyes on the camera.

"I was never very good at it. I'm still terrible. But I didn't want to leave it behind. If I brought it with me…it'd be like Colin was back again."

Hermione shuffled closer. "Dennis, your brother was a hero. Always remember that."

The boy nodded. "Can…can I give you something?"

"Of course."

Dennis pulled out a photograph. Unlike the wizarding ones, this picture didn't move. Hermione took it and stared at the smiling faces of her, Harry, and Ron. They were sitting on some steps outside Hogwarts. So close to each other and not even air could have fitted between them.

"I tried to find photos with him in, but he was always behind the camera. I just want people to have something of him. I don't want anyone to forget him."

Placing the photo by her plate, Hermione pulled Dennis into a hug.

"No one will forget him. I promise you Dennis. Not me. Not anyone."

Dennis nodded and Hermione tried to ignore the small sniff. As the final first year was sorted into Ravenclaw, Hermione watched Professor McGonagall step forward to make her speech.

"Good evening. As many of you know, we start this school year in the aftermath of tragedy. Although the war against Voldemort is over, this school, like so many of you, has not left unscathed. Those students and staff who are not able to return this year will, I'm sure, be forever in our memories."

Hermione kept one arm around Dennis as McGonagall carried on talking. Yet she was only half listening. If Harry and Ron were there, she knew they'd have made some dry comment by now. She caught several more hurried whispered of her name and she glanced round to see a group of Hufflepuff's staring at her. Hermione turned her back and glanced down at the photo in front of her. It seemed surreal that this had only been a few years ago. It felt like a lifetime since she had been this happy. This innocent.

Take me back there she silently pleaded. Please take me back.


"Miss Granger. Have a seat."

Hermione slid into the chair opposite Professor McGonagall. Whilst Hogwarts did have a new headteacher, Professor McGonagall seemed to conduct most of her meetings in her old office. Hermione glanced around, her hands clutching the edges of her seat.

"I just wanted, to have a little talk with you. Tea?"

Hermione nodded. She was used to McGonagall's sharp tongue and quick wit. Whilst she knew the woman had a softer side, Hermione was finding this entire situation a little odd. Then again, with yet another night of barely any sleep, anything would seem odd at this point.

"Have a biscuit Miss Granger."

Hermione took two. The older woman held her hands together with a smile.

"It's been nearly two months since school started. How would you say you are getting on?"

Hermione nodded. "It's been strange getting back into the routine. Classes are harder but I read a lot of the material in my sixth year so it's not too much work. I think I'm doing okay, although some of the homework we've been set is tougher than I expected."

Professor McGonagall peered over her glasses. Her sharp gaze cut Hermione off in her tracks.

"I wasn't referring to your academics Miss Granger. Although I am glad to hear you are coping well with the workload. I am referring to you and how you are doing with everything. It's been a huge adjustment period for everyone. Especially yourself."

"I'm fine." Even to herself it was very clearly a denial. Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

"I see. An interesting stance from someone who looks like their last good nights sleep was several weeks ago."

"I'm studying a lot," Hermione nodded her head. "I was like this during my O.W. L's. I guess I'm just used to Ron or Harry forcing me to take a break."

"Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall leaned forward. "I am aware that I may not always seem the most…approachable of teachers here. But, after what happened in May and even before then, I know a lot of students will be struggling. Some will have lost friends, family members. Some will have been scarred by their time here last year whilst others, such as yourself, will be learning to cope in a world where they were once forced to go into hiding. If at any point, you are struggling, you can talk to me. I fought in the First Wizarding War. I'm no stranger to how it can affect people."

Hermione forced herself to let go of the seat of her chair. "Thank you, Professor, but I'm fine. Honestly. If anything is wrong, I'll let you know."

She knew from the look on McGonagall's face that she didn't believe her. However, the older woman simply nodded and let her get to her feet. Almost running from the room, Hermione clenched and unclenched her fists. What did Professor McGonagall expect her to say? That she was having nightmares every night? That she studied so much to avoid thinking about anything else? That every time a student approached her with more questions about the war, she wanted to hex them? That she never let anyone see her in anything other than long sleeves to hide the scars? That there were some nights she was almost sure she was back in Malfoy manor, only this time Bellatrix was torturing her to the point of death?

Hermione shook her head. No one would understand. She just wanted to forget it ever happened. Why couldn't they just let her do that?

AN: Slightly more angst than my usual Fremione fluff pieces. But happier times and (more importantly) happy endings will be on the way. I just figured there was no way Hermione went back and did her final Hogwarts year and was completely okay considering what she had just gone through. Not sure yet if it's going to end up being two parts or three. Depends how much the story choose to explode! Let me know what you all think xx